In past years, I've devoted multiple posts to this topic. I've slacked and I've phoned it in. To be truthful, my blogging days are numbered. But, I couldn't help but honor tradition, so I've narrowed the focus to just ten on the list. And here they are:
10. EA – Selling You A Car, Then Requiring You To Buy The Engine After The FactI included EA on this list for one simple fact. They have not learned a damn thing in the last few years. After SimCity, and Sims 4, you would think they would not let another title be released with their name on it unless it delivered a better experience than previous installments and with the release of Star Wars Battlefront for next gen consoles and PC, they went ahead and did exactly that. No single player campaign, no space battles, stripped down, reskinned play of Battlefield, and DLC for all the credits you can muster. You pay $60 for a game, and then on top of that, another $50 for DLC pass. That’s $110 for a game, not to mention it lacks all the things previous Battlefront titles had. Well, the nerds have spoken and the price at GameStop was slashed by about $20. Not sure if that’s GameStop realizing it’s a dying institution in the digital download age, or if the sales of the game were really that bad. I kind of hope both apply, really. In the meantime, I still play Battlefront II on PC with multi player through Steam and it was a steal! All the stuff I want from a game that is over ten years old and is still great.
9. Roger Goodell – CEO of
Thuggery INC. aka The NFL
Goodell has made this list numerous times and why stop
now? This year he’s managed to try and
look tough by instituting a four game suspension on Tom Brady for his role in
deflategate, only to have it overturned in the courts? Really? REALLY? Come on, anyone who believes that this was
Goodell being beaten in court by the Patriots needs to understand that Goodell and
Kraft are bros. Roger only appears to
be tough on the Patriots, realizing that whatever he tries to lob at the club
will look like he’s being tough but won’t stick long enough to do any
damage. After all, Brady started on
opening day and the Patriots are currently 11-2. On top of this, the ridiculous fining of
players and the allowing of thuggery like Greg Hardy’s domestic abuse
allegations that were somehow expunged from his record and he still plays
manages to be another reason why I stopped watching football two years ago. Goodell’s salary is another point of
contention. The NFL was a non-profit
league that manages to pay its CEO $35 million this past year. Goodell
is a horrible commissioner that makes the league money. That is why he’s allowed to be in
charge. The owners, for all their
supposed hatred of the man, continue to make money off of his buffoonery. Pure and simple, though, Goodell is a d-bag
first team, all American.
8. VW – The Diesel Bug
That Couldn’t
Funny thing about new vehicles; they have more features,
more electronics, and more problems than the old ones. The upside is that with all that innovation,
they’re supposed to be more efficient and cleaner… but VW didn’t think anyone
would notice that their ECU software was circumventing environmental regulations. Hell, they touted it as a selling point, and
got caught. Stock went down, they tried
to buy back the vehicles rather than fix them.
I guess, as a fair play
follower, it’s nice to know they got caught with their lips on the tailpipe,
but companies do bad all the time and they get caught, but does anyone, other
than the consumer, every pay for it?
7. Death – Perennial
Favorite and All Around D-Bag of Bones
Death, you had a busy year. Between Paris x2, San Bernardino, and every
other tragedy that claimed the lives of humans, you didn’t take time off to nip
a few notable people from the ranks of the living.
Mario Cuomo, Beau Biden, Stuart Scott, Fred Dalton Thompson,
Jackie Collins, Leonard Nimoy, John Nash, Yogi Bera, Christopher Lee, Donna
Douglas, Rod Taylor, Taylor Negron, Anita Ekberg, Bob Simon, David Carr, Sam
Simon, Bobbi Kristina Brown, Colleen McCullough, Terry Pratchet, Leslie A.
Williams, James Best, Geoffrey Lewis, Percy Sledge, Mary Doyle Keefe, Ben E.
King, BB King, James Horner, Nicholas Winton, Amanda Peterson, Jerry Weintraub,
Omar Sharif, Alex Rocco, Roddy Piper, Frank Gifford, Julian Bond, Emma Didlake,
Yvonne Craig, Marcy Borders, Amelia Boynton Robinson, Alison Parker, Adam Ward,
Wes Craven, Dean Jones, Ben Kuroki, Jean Darling, Martin Miner, Paul Prudhomme,
Maureen O'Hara, Melissa Mathison, David Canary, Cynthia Robinson, Scott
Weiland, Robert Loggia, and Holly Woodlawn are just a small sampling and if any
of those names are unfamiliar to you, I suggest you look them up.
6. Josh Duggar – Ashley
Madison’s Poster Boy
I guess it’s hard for a parent to keep track of what their
kid is doing when they have more than 15.
Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar should be the poster parents for Planned
Parenthood. Their views, their
practices, aside, the breach of Ashley Madison’s website, releasing all of the
douchebaggery onto the web just goes to show you that when you voice your throw
a bunch of stones from your glass house, you probably will end up with a few
broken windows from them being lobbed back.
Anti-gay activism, child molestation, and extramarital affairs all prove
that Josh Duggar is a d-bag and serves him right to have a few windows knocked
out.
5. Kim Davis – County
Clerk, minus the “o” and the “y”
She gained infamy for denying same sex couples marriage licenses after the landmark ruling by the Supreme Court. She went to jail for contempt of court in the matter and emerged with Mike Huckabee as a supporter. In the fray, it came out that somehow, Davis had a meeting with Pope Francis during his US visit. This was either a manufactured by Davis’ lawyer or in some way orchestrated as a chance encounter but the Vatican basically denied it happened the way Davis’ camp said it did. It’s possible that the Pope didn’t know who he was meeting, but in any case, anyone who sits high and mighty, declaring herself judge of others, circumventing the law, while being a horrible role model for marriage, deserves to be on this list.
She gained infamy for denying same sex couples marriage licenses after the landmark ruling by the Supreme Court. She went to jail for contempt of court in the matter and emerged with Mike Huckabee as a supporter. In the fray, it came out that somehow, Davis had a meeting with Pope Francis during his US visit. This was either a manufactured by Davis’ lawyer or in some way orchestrated as a chance encounter but the Vatican basically denied it happened the way Davis’ camp said it did. It’s possible that the Pope didn’t know who he was meeting, but in any case, anyone who sits high and mighty, declaring herself judge of others, circumventing the law, while being a horrible role model for marriage, deserves to be on this list.
4. Martin Shkreli –
Hedge Fund Pharma CEO and Fraud Artist
He gained infamy for being the CEO of a biotech company that
held the manufacturing license for Daraprim, a HIV drug, marking it up
5500%. The pictures of this guy on the
Internet, alone, would be enough to put him on this list. His ‘bro’-ness is only matched by his
douchebaggery by taking a drug that is used to treat AIDS and HIV and raising
the price from $13.50 to $750 per pill in one fell swoop. Why?
Because he could. And as of
November, the price has still not come down.
However, Martin, may be coming down with something if he is convicted of
securities fraud and sent to prison.
Boy, wouldn’t that be karmic?
Raise the price of a drug to treat AIDS and then get it in prison. Most likely, he won’t serve anytime or be put
in some country club prison. Shame. He deserves it in the end… quite literally.
3. Jared Fogle – Subway Guy
Gone Wrong
I really tried to not jump on the bandwagon of hate when it
came out that his foundation’s director was involved in electronically trading
child pornography. I said, “Hold up, we
don’t know the real reason. Let the
investigation happen before the hate.”
Well, it did, and unfortunately, it was bad. Very bad.
No one really thought about Fogle’s early venture into being an entrepreneur
or of porn in the college dorms. This
detail came out of all the media surrounding the investigation. It went dark. Very dark.
Allegations came out that he paid finder’s fees to prostitutes to get
him younger sex partners. How did he
keep this life secret from his family?
This guy had a wife and kids.
Very disturbing. So far, 2029
seems to be the year Fogle will be released from prison and while he’s on this
list for 2015, he’s on the registered sex offenders’ list for life.
2. Donald Trump –
Billionaire Buffoon With Bountiful Bouffant On The Ballot
This guy is the Internet comment section come time
life. He’s not just an entry on Snopes,
he’s basically his own hoax generator.
In past years, he went after Obama for his long form birth
certificate. Now, he’s running with the
GOP and leading in the polls for the nomination. He wants to build a wall, ban Muslims, and
basically turn America into the alternate reality of Back To The Future Part II
where Biff runs everything. Look, I like
that a non-politician has gained a following over career ones in the
polls. But, it’s not like we got Jon
Stewart instead of Bill O’Reilly. We
didn’t even get Robin Williams’ Tom Dobbs from Man of the Year. If you’re still wondering when the bottom is
going to fall out, just remember, “Who benefits by Trump staying in it this
long?” There might be more to this than a supposed
bid for the White House. He proves the
point of how horrible Americans can be by his hateful rhetoric. In the end, he could never win the
Presidency, but who will get the nomination?
Perhaps Trump is a puppet to boost some other candidate that will
benefit from his sideshow. I didn’t
necessarily say Republican candidate, either.
Check his contributions. Get
your tinfoil and bring on the Michael Jackson popcorn images.
AND THE WINNER IS?
1. Everyone – You Know
Who You Are
OK, so I consolidated The Internet, Terrorists, The Media,
and The Rest of the Politicians into a lump of douchebaggery. Why?
Because it’s nitpicking the same thing from all of them. The Media
reports something, construing the context, losing the full picture, and then
the Internet shares it, via Everyone.
Politicians use it as their fear mongering in their campaigns, pointing
to snippets of stories and stats to make you afraid and then you share it. The Terrorists do something. They do it to inspire others to join them,
and their targets to fear the broad majority of their small ranks, labelling an
entire group as the perpetrators.
Meanwhile, the fear mongering wins out, the lobbyists get their way, and
you end up cutting ties with people because they are too dumb or jaded to
investigate and see what’s really true and what’s pointed rhetoric. Whether we call all Democrats baby killing,
tree hugging, ISIS loving pansies; the
GOP warmongering, holy rolling, gun loving, redneck, big business loving
Bigots; African Americans thugs who should just listen to
police and stop looting their city when someone gets killed; or all Muslims and
refugees are terrorists; is pretty much the same thing. We’re blaming an entire group for the action
of a handful of people. The biggest
problem we have is extremism. Whether it
be Charlie Hedbo, the second Paris Attacks, the crisis in Syria, the Attacks in
San Bernardino, the attack on Planned Parenthood, the attack in a church in
South Carolina, Baltimore, Ferguson, Chicago, Texas, it doesn’t matter… We are
all responsible for the perpetuation of hatred among the human race. I don’t know what the answer is, but I do
know that the current jabber on the political and social circuits is driving
the car, and we’re just steering it into a crowd. We have to start taking responsibility
for fixing the message. The truth is we
are all humans. We are all white, black,
Latino, Asian. We are all Muslim, Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Atheists. We are
all conservative, progressive, liberal, and pragmatic.
And I will not say #AllLivesMatter because that goes without
saying. The fact that we have to single
out one group to say, “We matter” doesn’t mean we discount the others. It means that something has been wrong for
far too long with the way we’ve been doing things that maybe we need to pay
attention there.
If tomorrow, an alien race showed up saying, “We need you to
send us someone to argue that you deserve to be saved from eradication by our
superior firepower.” If it were me as advocate, man I’d have a
tough time saying we don’t. As a human,
I’d be hard pressed to say we weren’t horrible. And some would say, that’s akin to not
being patriotic. And I would say, “Yeah,
but if they aliens gave you a choice, guilt free, as to only eradicating some
groups, would you consider it?” The
fact that you actually thought about it proves my point. Should be a non-question. We
are the problem. We are the d-bags of
2015.
Congratulations on a repeat win.
