Recently, I was sent an internet site for a place called Spud's Travels. Why? Because, that's what we do at work. We find weird websites and email them to each other. Unfortunately, when they get to me, I have to take it one step further and point out their shortcomings. It's not a malicious thing; it's just that I don't think like everyone else. I tend to have a warped sense of reality and should probably come with a plastic bag warning. Mental issues aside, I didn't really spend a lot of time at the site which is pretty much one of those traveling toy picture pages. Back when I was a kid there was a story about a duck shaped lawn ornament that went missing from a local couple. Every so often they'd receive letters from exotic locations and there would be a picture of their duck at some monument or tourist type attraction included. Eventually, the duck was returned and no harm befell it. Then, when I was a sophomore, I was involved with the stage crews for the plays and musicals performed at our high school. In our back room, where we kept all the sets and props, there was this huge paper Mache horse from a previous year. One night it disappeared from the school and began popping up all over town. The local news paper found it on their steps and then it appeared on the rooftop of a local business. It was quite the mystery for our little one horse town.
But here, we're talking potatoes, here. With the impending release of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Playskool has decided to release a Taters of the Lost Ark Mr. Potato Head, complete with whip and gold colored idol.
You may remember when the prequel trilogy of the Star Wars saga was released Playskool issued a Darth Tater and Spud Trooper version. There is even an Optimash Prime version for last years' Transformers movie. This got me to thinking. Playskool has missed the boat on the marketing goldmine of the century. With Daniel Craig putting on the tux for Bond 22 this fall, Playskool should be rushing out a whole line of Mr. Potato Heads based on the Bond franchise. After all, the latest Double Idaho 7 has been called "Mr. Potato Head" by numerous folks. Why not use this as an excuse to corner the market. However, being that I am bringing this to you, I believe I should be given compensation for my marketing genius. Ok, that won't happen. I'll still give you my opinion because I'm just ridiculously insane.
I give you Double Idaho 7. Spud, James Spud.
This secret agent comes complete with the following.
- White tuxedo jacket
- Mouth that doesn't smile but comes with a bow tie directly under it.
- Stern, cold eyes
- Gadgets. Plenty of them all stored in his butt.
Maybe, I'm nuts. After all, why would a company that makes kids' toys create a spud in the likeness of a stone cold killer? Hello, Darth Tater? Spud Trooper? Spuda Fett? It's not like Darth Vader was into playing with puppies and rainbows. He was the baddest bad ass in the galaxy. He killed Jedi children. And Boba Fett was a ruthless bounty hunter. So, why not James Bond?
Think of it in terms of sheer volume of usable material in which to make jokes. After 22 movies, Bond has more pun related films than any other Mr. Potato Head movie star likeness. Just take a look.
Slicense To Kill
Gnocci Are Forever
Live and Let Fry
Octopussy and Chips
Quantum of Solanum
On Her Mashestey's Secret Service
The Wedge is not Enough
The Man with the Golden Hash Browns
From Russet with Love
You Only Bake Twice
For Your Fries Only
Perhaps, someone out there among my three readers will contact a friend of a friend and send my link all the way to Playskool's marketing groups. Until that happens, let it be known that I came up with the idea and put it down on paper, first. We'll haggle over copyright later.
Ok, one more. Mrs. Potato Head Bond Girl version....... Honey Ore Ryda.
Fine, I'll stop.