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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Election Night of the Living Dead

Since we are so close to the election and Halloween happens right before it, I thought I would blow your mind with a weird abstract thought. It’s the kind of thought that could cause all the noise in your head to disappear and one voice will say to the other, “It’s dark in here, and we may die.”

Unless you’ve been buried in a graveyard somewhere, you understand the fundamental differences between the Obama campaign and the McCain campaign. If you don’t I’m not going to even try to explain it to you. You’re better off just voting for Mickey Mouse. With that said, let me get into my psychosis here so you can get on with your lives.Seeing as how it is the Season of the Witch my wife and I always like to catch a few scary flicks on cable. While I have to watch The Great Pumpkin regardless of how many times I’ve seen it, my wife will put the remote down and enter into the optically glazed over zone whenever a (Insert Time of Day) of the Living Dead movie comes on television. Life truly does imitate art, huh? However, if feels like our DVR has acted as the transporter from The Fly and combined the DNA of both the election and Night of the Living Dead.

Look at the given circumstances. It helps if you have a working memory of the movie.

Movie > Zombie Apocalypse
Real Life > Global Financial Crisis/War/Recession

> Just showed up on the scene wants to get truck running to make an escape vs. Been in the house for awhile and have seen what damage can be done to a vehicle. Escape is not an option. Hold out.
Real Life > New Senator on the block, wants to get us out of Iraq vs. Seasoned Veteran Senator/Solider confident that we hold the course in Iraq and use that experience to fix Afghanistan

Opposing Viewpoints
Movie > Harry Cooper vs. Ben
Real Life > John McCain vs. Barack Obama

> Barricade ourselves in the basement with one entrance or exit. Don’t help anyone regardless of what’s going on. Stay isolated and put a hard stop to discussion on anything else. vs. Stay upstairs, shore up the infrastructure of the environment, have options available to fight or run
Real Life > Cut spending, trickledown economics, Take a hatchet to the problem vs. Shore up the foundation, leave yourself open possibilities, use a scalpel to surgically remove what’s wrong.

Existing Problem
> Dependency on foreign produced fuel to help with escape plan.
Real Life > Dependency on foreign produced fuel to help with everyday plan.

Okay, granted I’ve generalized the issues and it looks one sided. The biggest conflict in the movie seems to be that Cooper and Ben have opposing views on how to handle the Zombie Crisis. Ben shows up on the scene and is convinced that he can fix the structural deficiencies of the house while formulating a plan to escape by truck which needs gas from a pump in the middle of the zombie horde. Cooper has seen what can happen in a vehicular escape and has decided that the best way to address the issue is to hold up in the basement with no exits save the entrance and wait it out. The house can be overrun by zombies but he can defend the one opening. Meanwhile, he doesn’t realize that his own daughter will turn into a zombie and attack from within the basement. Take a look at the dialogue from the movie. I’ve substituted the names of the characters with the names of the candidates.

Obama: I'm telling you they can't get IN here!
McCain: And I'm telling you they turned over our car! We were damn lucky to get away at all! Now you're telling me these things can't get through a lousy pile of wood?

McCain: Did you hear me when I told you they turned over our car?
Obama: Oh, hell! Any good five men could do that!
McCain: That's my point! There's not going to be five, or even ten! There's going to be twenty, thirty, maybe a hundred of those things, and as soon as they find out we're here, this place will be crawling with them!
Obama: Well, if there's that much, they'll probably get us wherever we are.

McCain: Look! You two can do whatever you like! I'm going back down to the cellar, and you'd better decide! 'Cause I'm gonna board up that door, and I'm not going to unlock it again no matter what happens! I'm not going to wait! I've made my decision, now you make yours!

Obama: How long have guys you been down there? I could have used some help up here!
McCain: That's the cellar. It's the safest place.
Obama: You mean you didn't hear the racket I was making up here?
McCain: How were we supposed to know what was going on? Could have been those things for all we knew!
Obama: That girl was screaming. Surely you know what a girl screaming sounds like. Those things don't make any noise. Anybody would know somebody needed help!
McCain: We thought we could hear screams, but for all we knew, that have meant those things were in the house after her.
Obama: And you wouldn't come up here and help?
McCain: That racket sounded like the place was being ripped apart. How were we supposed to know what was going on?
Obama: Now wait a minute. You just got finished saying you couldn't hear anything down there. Now you say it sounded like the place was being ripped apart. It would be nice if you get your story straight, man.
McCain: All right, now you tell me! I'm not gonna take that kind of a chance when we've got a safe place! We lock into a safe place, and you're telling us we gotta risk our lives just because somebody might need help, huh?
Obama: Yeah, something like that.

Maybe George Romero was ahead of his time. Now, the conclusion to be drawn from the movie is that no matter where you go, whether it be the basement or staying upstairs, you're screwed. While the Coopers met their demise at the hands of a gun and a garden trowel, the basement wasn't safe. But, Ben manages to lose control of the situation upstairs and has to retreat to the basement where he ends up remaining safe throughout the night. However, in the end, he gets shot for appearing to be a zombie...

Scary isn’t it. It’s even more scary if you substitute Sarah Palin for Karen Cooper, the daughter…

I hurt

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