TreenWare: The Latest in Pareting Technology

I usually try to let all of my four readers know of any products that happen to be out on the market which will can help them. If you happen to be a parent, like me, advice from other parents is always appreciated. With that in mind, I stumbled onto a product that has produced results.

As the terrible twos hurtle towards my wife and I, we find ourselves at a disadvantage. The exploratory nature of our daughter gets to be a little overwhelming when you’re trying to get your daily errands completed. Whether it be vacuuming the floors, putting dishes away, or any other routine chores, there is constantly a challenge set forth by the little one.

Now that we have expanded the barriers beyond the living room, our child has free reign over most of the main living area. The kitchen is blocked off, but we have a breach every once in awhile. The main entrance from the hallway has a makeshift gate placed between the doorway blocking access. The other entrance, by the dining room, employs a chair turned at an angle to block the opening between the table and the wall. Sometimes we fortify with another chair but with hardwood floors, this boundary is easily bypassed. The cats have begun to fear for their lives as the little one chases and grabs them by the tail. Also, toys have become heavier and more complex with moving parts that can be used as projectiles.

With all these new found ways to raise our blood pressure, yelling “NO” or “STOP” doesn’t seem to be effective. Counting doesn’t help as the child will say the next number in sequence. She’s smart if not smart-assed. I can’t blame her for that one. More often than not, we end up having to chase the child and, once, an offending piece of cat food was shoveled into her mouth at a speed quicker than our attempts to remove the contraband from her little fingers.

When we first discovered this miracle product, we had our doubts. “How can this possibly work?” We thought. “It just doesn’t seem like it would be effective.” Our doubts were laid to rest the first time we simply referred to the item. We simply let the product do all the work. She listens. She ceases the offending behavior immediately, and settles down. In fact, a onetime use of this ingenious item has set a precedent. We only mention it by name and the child quickly stops behaving badly. Sometimes it helps to reinforce the idea by showing it to her and that works.

Now, how much would you pay for such a product? $39.99? $19.99? $9.99. Most retail outlets have it for as little as $1.00. In fact, you probably already have one in your home. What could it be?

A Wooden Spoon

P.S. In all seriousness, I’m liable to anger a considerable amount of my audience with this flippant regard to corporal punishment. I do not intend for anyone to rely on spanking a child as a means to reduce bad behavior. This is more of a social parody on today’s society. In other words, this information is for entertainment and storytelling purposes only.