People have been talking about doing random acts of kindness, so, I decided to lend myself to that cause. Unfortunately, it always ends in disaster.
Last Friday, while the events of Sandy Hook unfolded, I was out and about doing some shopping. I came across an old man in the Market District parking lot. He had just drove one of the motorized grocery carts to his car and I offered to take it back for him. He explained that I had to be seated and to pull the handle to get it to go.
So, begrudgingly, I sat down and made my way. I say begrudgingly because from the moment I sat down, I felt like a stereotype. “Oh, look, it’s a fat man on a motorized scooter. Such a shame.” Not to mention, the damn cart only went like half a mile an hour. As I pulled into the road and began crossing to the front of the store, people were passing me, walking slowly… I could feel the eyes of drivers stopped at the crossing, looking at my ridiculousness.
I decided this was silly and got up, attempting to roll the scooter to its destination under man power. Of course, the first instruction given to me by this man, who was probably now laughing all the way home at how bad he trolled me, became forgotten. You have to be seated for it to move.
Crap. Now I’m wasting everybody’s time. So, I sat back down and tried to get the cart going. I went backwards. Then, I quickly corrected and putted along, head down, hand raised in the “My Bad” position.
The world is against me, I swear it.