The Path of Most Resistance

Some people dream of being caught in public in only their underwear.  Others dream of their teeth crumbling and falling out.   I've had those dreams.  But I constantly have dreams where I am late for work or some other appointment and as much as I try to get to my destination, something always keeps me from reaching it.   Usually, I am late for work, but on occasion, I am late for school in these dreams.  That is such an odd concept for me as I've been out of school for ten years now.  Still, the dream always has the same premise.   I am late for something and I need to get there, yesterday.  I either have no clean clothes to wear or my car doesn't want to start.  A few times, as I'm heading to my car, the phone rings or another member of my family get in my way to tell me something that causes me to stop my progress.  Ultimately, I wake up, never reaching my desired location.  Sometimes I wonder if my dreams are just an interpretation of everyday life. 

Try this on for size.  This has probably happened to you.   You get up for work the same time you always do.  You go about your normal routine but something happens.  You get something on your clothes that forces you to change, or perhaps you realize that those pants don't fit anymore.   Now you are three minutes off of your normal schedule.  You think, "No problem.  I'll just make it up in the car."    So, you head out the door and you are on your way.  That's where the issue escalates.  Because you are three minutes behind, you are now in sync with the school bus schedule and that big yellow bastard just pulled out in front of you.   Worse yet, every three houses there are kids waiting.  You spend more time on your brake than the gas pedal.  The clock keeps ticking but you aren't moving.  You get to a school zone and of course have to slow down to 15mph or you'll be pulled over.   The bus finally turns and now you've traded for a vehicle that constantly stops for one that doesn't know how to go.   The car that is now in front of you is the kind that brakes up hill and thinks that the speed limit is an insane concept designed by drivers on the autobahn.   The driver is either half asleep or fixing their make up and doesn't know what the long skinny pedal looks like.   For what feels like a half hour, you are stuck behind the tortoise and once they get out of your way you now find yourself 15 minutes behind schedule....and you forgot your purse briefcase, lunch, homework, etc. 

I face this challenge everyday.  Thursday's are even worse.  I have to leave work at 3:30 PM so that I can make it home in time to take over baby watching duties for my piano teaching in the evening wife.    The trip is only 12 miles and I can make it in less than a half hour.  But for some reason it doesn't matter if I leave work five minutes early or five minutes late, I am always running behind and have to juggle changing out of my work attire with a baby who now can crawl faster than the people drive in front of me on my way home.   I either catch the back end of a yellow light that screws everything up, or I get behind a school bus on its way to drop off the youth of America.  I will probably have to adjust my schedule even more and leave an hour early just so I can anticipate the funeral procession that I will probably be stuck behind next time.    Going to work, I'm not so concerned with because I tend to leave early anyways, because I know the issues I deal with on my trek across three school districts.  I do know that if I leave at a certain time I have a clear path all the way to work's front door.   If I am running behind and get out the door a little later, I know I'll have to deal with at least three school busses on every leg of the journey.  Fortunately, I know a few short cuts that get me ahead of the curve. 

Another example of what I call "Task Resistance" is the idea that if I have a plan to do something, whether it is work or play time related, I will never get the full use of my time.  Last night was another usual example.  I came home from work with the plan that once I have the baby down for her afternoon nap, I will have at least an hour of time to myself before my wife is done teaching and will want to watch the news.    With that time, I plan to get reacquainted with the world of Grand Theft Auto for my Playstation 2 because on Tuesday, April 29th, Grand Theft Auto IV will be released and I will be picking that up from work.   So, I get home, the baby goes down, and I'm free to fire up Vice City Stories.  First, I have to move all of the baby proofing from the glass entertainment center doors.  Then, I had to try and locate the memory card with my saved game which took me almost ten minutes to find.   Check and Check.  Off I go.  I get settled in and my wife decides she needs to get something in the back of the house and ultimately makes some noise that wakes the baby.  She goes back downstairs to finish teaching and I'm left with an awake and cranky baby.  I venture into the nursery and console the little one, finally getting her back down and by 5:38 PM I am back to my post.   Due to load times and a misfire by a rocket launcher, sending me into the stratosphere, I've managed to actually play for about five minutes.  The wife finishes up her lessons, so I switch back to the regular channels and we watch the news.  After the weather, I know I can continue for probably another half an hour before we have to get the baby up.  The weather segment ends, I pick up my controller, and the baby monitor springs to life as if I'm Mel Gibson and aliens have just landed in the corn fields outside my house.   So much for that.  

Today, when I get home, I will have an empty house because my wife has to drop off the baby at her parents' since our schedules don't line up.  This affords me maybe two hours of free time until I'm needed elsewhere.  However, I can only imagine the amount of obstacles I will face on my way back to Liberty City via my couch.  I have to leave work and drive a half hour to the store.  I'm sure there will be a line or some inept employee will screw up my order.  I spent five dollars to reserve the game, so they better damn well have one there for me.   Then, I have to get home in one piece.   Once there, I will probably have a half hour left before my wife shows up.  From there, any number of issues will arise.  "There's a spider in the bathroom."  "The garbage needs taken out."   "Why won't the dish washer run?"  "I can't reach this." 

I am constantly plagued by the work of outside forces bent on destroying me.  I have no way of clearly justifying my actions because they are in fact the childish actions of a 33 year old man who still plays video games, yet, I will beg, borrow, and steal whatever free time I can to enjoy five minutes of game playing.   I now know why men find solace with a newspaper in the bathroom.  I imagine that there are men who have bathrooms with walls that spin or retract to reveal all sorts of free time distractions.  Sort of a speak easy hiding our distractions and hobbies from the world.  Flat screen televisions fixed on Sports Center drop from the ceiling and the room becomes sound proof.  See, men don't actually go to the bathroom.  That's a myth.  We actually go there for peace and quiet.  We keep up the allusion by using a spray can of derider that is really filled with the nastiest fragrance on Earth.

So, here I am at 9 AM on Tuesday, hoping that the world doesn't end by 4 PM.  Perhaps I could get to the store faster if I stole a taxi, used a special code to make it jump over traffic, and showed total disregard for traffic laws and public safety to maximize my free time.   Who am I kidding?  With my luck, I'll still get stuck behind a bus.

All Your Free Time Are Belong To Us

Video Games, yeah! I've spent the better part of my youth, and adulthood, escaping work and other chores just to get five minutes of game time. Whether I was twiddling my thumbs over buttons or using my whole body to make my ship fly a different direction, long before a sixaxis controller, I invested a lot of time and money into them. From the Golden Age of Video Arcade Games to the seventh generation consoles, I've watched the meteoric rise of the video game industry. I've seen it come from the humble beginnings of a pong console with only a dial controller all the way to the Nintendo Wii with its "wiimote." I've plunked my quarters into arcade games time and time again while pestering my parents to get me the same game for our Atari 2600 in hopes that I could duplicate the look and feel of the arcade without wasting my allowance. Unfortunately, the Atari 2600 couldn't match the original arcade versions and poor gaming quality and over saturation of the market led to the Video Game Crash of 1983.

Arcade vs. Atari
Comparison of Pac-Man graphics

While Computer Games held my heart in school and beyond, I still yearned for a high quality gaming dedicated console. The NES offered some release but it too fell short in the long run in favor of better technology. As we moved into the 21st century, Sony placated my insatiable taste in gaming but fatherhood denied me the time needed to endeavor on quests and missions in the Seventh Generation of consoles. I detailed my entire life through the video game industry over the course of five weeks and as many posts and here is the complete list as a single entry. Enjoy and feel free to add your own memories.

Part One: Yorgle, Grundle, and Rhindle, oh my!
The early beginnings of gaming on the Atari 2600 and other 2nd Gen. consoles.

Part Two: Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
Childhood memories of the Nintendo Entertainment System.

Part Three: Ctrl+Open Apple+Alt, 8, 1. Press play on tape.
A look at my computer gaming history from cassette tape to CD-ROM.

Part Four: A Zombie, a Hooker, and Tiger Woods walk into a bar.
Running the gamut of the gaming on Sony Specific Systems.

Part Five: Insert Coin. Valkyrie...is about to die!
The pinnacle and progenitor of my penchant for my playing.

Do you want a FREE iPhone? So do I.

Just click here and follow the instructions. We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.

Here we are. My first ever blogpost on the blogging, blogosphere. Blog me up the blog! How about it? Are we having fun yet? Sorry, had to get that business out of the way. I am in no way shape or form a big blogger but I thought I would vernture into the realm to get a few ideas rattling around in my nugget. First off, let's sell something. Because, that's why we do this, to make money, right?

So, what's up with the title? Ahh, yes. Last year, I got involved with what are called IFW's or Incentivized Freebie Websites. I wanted to get a PS3 and didn't want to spend $400 on one. I'm a new father and the pretty much the sole provider for my family, so I wasn't about to go shelling out $400 for something I'll get to play maybe once a week in between bottles and diapers. That's right, even though I am the "man" of the house, I do my share of dirty diapers and feeding of the little one. Why? Because, I'm a sucker. Actually, I want to be involved with my daughter as much as possible. But, now and again, it's nice that she takes those 2 hour naps allowing me to go pickup hookers, run from the cops, and blow up random cars all in the name of mindless entertainment ala Grand Theft Auto. This little gem of a drug hooked me into buying my PS2 when GTA III came out and with GTA IV on the near horizon, I wanted my PS3 ready and waiting for nap time.

Now why am I talking about a PS3 when this little dity is all about the iPhone? Because, I already got my PS3 and am working on another piece of geek gadgetry. That's right. I got the PS3. In the IFW world, they always advertise getting your PS3 or whatever for free. This is where you hook many and lose all. Everybody who sees the word free will instantly click and sign and pay... Wait, PAY? I thought it was free. Actually, it is entirely possible, yet highly probable that you will get anything for free in this world...except a dirt nap. Yet with these odds, it is still possible to do so. Let me explain.

I go to a site that promises a free iPhone. All I have to do is sign up for a free account. Try out.....pay attention here becuase this is important.....try out one of the website's offers through various vendors, complete the requirements, sign up 10 or more friends, and receive my free iPhone. Now, remember I said, pay attention? Good, that's where it no longer stays free. You see, in order for this or any other IFW to send you the iPhone, they need to secure so many referrals in order to get paid. The retailers, numbering in the hundreds all have an agreement with the IFW. They pay the IFW for every person who signs up and completes the requirements set forth by them. For an example, I used Stamps.com. This website offers a free trial for a month and $5.00 in free stamps just for trying out the service. All you do is sign up with your credit card and a pending charge sits on your account for 30 days or whatever the billing cycle is. After you complete the requirements of the trial and cancel your account. The IFW recognizes that you've completed part one of the needed steps to get the iPhone.

Sounds confusing, huh? It is, and that is where people get hopelessly lost and decide to cut their losses. Let's try and make this a little clearer.

1. I sign up at a site called http://www.myfreewhatever.com/. As of right now that site doesn't belong to anyone. They are offering a free iPhone if I sign up for a free trial at Stamps.com. I get a unique referral link to use for my friends.
2. I sign up for the free trial at Stamps.com
3. I print $5.00 in free postage.
4. After a month, I cancel the service.
5. I get credit on http://www.myfreewhatever.com/ for completing the Stamps.com trial.
6. I sign up 10 friends and they do the above steps using my referral link. www.myfreewhatever.com/index.php?ref=12345
7. I somehow convince, torture, shanghai, pay 10 people to do the above.
8. All of the vendors who got completed trials pay http://www.myfreewhatever.com/ $XX.00 for each referral. They use that money to send me my iPhone.

It sounds like a lot of work, huh? It is. I signed up for a PS3 site in August. I completed the trial by September and it took until Decemeber to gather up enough referral signups to get my PS3. At first, I did what any n00b would do. I posted an ad on eBay. After all, that's where I got the idea. Man, I nearly sank the ship right there. I copied and pasted an ad and changed the link in hopes of getting all my refs in a week. Truth be told, I got 20 sign ups but no one completed an offer. I created an ad with tear off strips promoting my long ass URL which got another 3 or 4 signups, yet still no completed offers.

I started getting really frustrated. I was ready to be like everybody else and just give up. Of course, I'm stupid for that. I want to drag this on as long as possible. Then I joined a couple of message boards devoted to IFW's and freebies. Right off the bat I learned that using eBay was considered spam and could cause me to violate terms of service......like anyone reads those...and would cancel my account. I learned a lot of things about how to go about getting signups. In essence, I learned that I could pay people as little as $15 to signup and complete the process. I went from getting the PS3 for free to having to pay for it. I resigned myself to the idea that if I really wanted this to work, I should invest say $100 in the effort. Any more than that and I agree that I need my head examined. After all, the website said it would be free. Technically, they were right. The free trial didn't cost me a dime. I cancelled before it posted to my account. Had I been a little more aggressive and completely stopped working at my 9-5 job and devoted more time to collecting referrals, I could have done it. But, I wanted it NOW!

So, I started posting in the sections that allowed me to advertise and offered to pay people for signing up at my site. I even offered to trade links for other free items on the outside chance that I may come back to them later. Soon, sign ups started pouring into my site and little green checkmarks began appearing next to the names. I became excite because I was finally getting somewhere. I paid these folks money through PayPal to signup and try out the site and now these people have these....wonderful.....little....RED...X's...next to their......name. What the hell, just happened? Maybe, I should have made a mental note when these people communicated to me using broken english and insited I PAY NOW. That's right, I ran into a group of referral brokers. Usually, they are from outside the US/Canada area and pose as your everyday freebie junkie. They answer your ad and offer to do the site using the least amount of adjectives as humanly possible in communicating. Then, they pay a fraction of what you offer to some person with an internet connection to go on the site and sign up. After that, they move onto the next person and repeat the same process using the same site and same vendor....a no no in some IFW's. If you sign up for a free iPhone with one site, depending on their structure, you usually cannot repeat the site again. Likewise, if you use Stamps.com to complete the requirements for an iPhone site, you cannot complete Stamps.com for say a Wii site. The vendors won't recognize new interest and people are likely to just try and fly leaving the vendor high and dry.

After all was said and done and I managed to get $0.20 back from my scam artists through PayPal, I noticed that I had enough referrals for a PS3. I placed my order and within 14 days, I had a PS3 sitting on my front porch complete with a game of my choice. I ended up spending $150 on the site and made $50 back from someone who screwed up in my favor. Then, the kicker, my mother asked me what I wanted for Christmas. Usually, I hated having to tell her what to get me, because I never know. I made an offhanded comment, "How about $100 for a PS3?" She wrote me a check.

So, there you have it. I did get the PS3 for free......kinda. Now, I'm going back and trying to get the iPhone. Well, actually, I have no need for an iPhone. They're way too expensive to manage. I've heard the horror stories about the bills. But, the IFW site that is offering the iPhone also has an option to choose $490 or $580 in PayPal cash instead. The way I figure it, I can make roughly $200-$300 using the same method I did to get the PS3.

Now that you've read this whole blog entry and are bleeding from the eyeballs, I will offer you the proof of this venture.

This here is the picture of my PS3 box lying on my spare bedroom floor. Ugly carpeting, huh?

Here's a screenshot of the site I used showing I completed all requirements. Note, I did change the link because I am no longer accepting signups since I completed the site. If you really want to sign up, you'll be able to figure out the address.

Quick shot of the little green checks and red X's. They're magically delicious. I blurred the email addresses to protect from spam.

Finally, the clincher. The Amazon slip from the parent site shipping my PS3. Again, I've blurred out my address as to protect angry mobs from showing up at my door.