Comet

I give about as much credence to organized spirituality as I give to something like serendipity or fate.  It’s just how I am.   That being said, I have a hard time not seeing meaning in certain things.  For instance, the frequency with which a bright and shining object comes back into view, repeatedly, after the same period of years, has to be more than just a coincidence.  There has to be a reason why it happens.

At the age of 21, I didn't understand a lot of things.  I was a little over a year away from a disastrous relationship that challenged what I thought was real about the nature of the universe.  I was complaining that most interactions were flippant and lacked the stimulating nature I was seeking out.  I was not built for that kind of reckless abandon that was customary in that setting.   I wanted something deeper and meaningful.  I wanted something luminescent.  I wanted something not found in everyday life.

So, as I lamented my lack of luck, my coworker told me this story about a comet.   Now, I didn't give much credence to this story because after all, it's a comet.  It's like all the other comets in the universe, but he insisted this one was special.  He said it was probably the brightest, most beautiful, and coolest object that I would ever see my lifetime and that it was making its way back into view.   "Trust me, you'll love it."  Was what he said.  

Eventually, I forgot all about the story, and went on with my life.  I had found, what I thought was, a bright object of my own, but I didn't know it was false light.  As I was once again, in a state of despair, I was sitting in the darkness and something came out of nowhere.   It was the comet.  It was everything my friend said and much, much more.  I wanted to reach out grab a hold of that comet, but, it was an impossible feat, given my place in the universe at that particular time.   But, can you really catch a comet?
 
Unlikely.  It moves too fast.  It slips away too easily.  And you can't tell a comet to wait until you catch up, because even if you could speak in the awesomeness of the space that it occupies, your words would make no sound.  It doesn’t matter, anyways.  It’s a comet and doesn’t know what it is.  It has no concept of your admiration for it.  It wouldn't understand the words you would use to describe it.  It just tears up the skyline, blinding you from afar, giving you glimpses of what could be.  Even if you could reason with a comet, you're stuck where you're at and it's on its way through the universe.   And try as you might, to slip the surly bonds of Earth, you'd be lucky to see the comet still in view once you finally reach escape velocity.


Every so many years, that comet comes back.  You either spy it, or somehow it just shows up looking to be found.  For a brief moment, you can appreciate it from afar.  You may even think you can get close enough to finally catch it, but again, you're waiting for that rocket to break free and the comet is moving faster than you.   Always moving. 

Is it coincidence, or predestined path that will continually intersect with you?  How much time do you have before the comet disappears forever?  And does the comet care?  After all, it's a comet.  It's not made for this world.

Doomsday Seed Vault Reaches 500k Samples Adds Burpee Section

I have yet to grow a successful garden in my yard. It could be the fact that I have four huge trees standing guard at the corners of my yard shielding it from most of the sunlight available. It could also be the fact that I just plain suck at growing things. That sound you just heard was my Father doing a facepalm over his son’s horticultural ineptitude.

But when I heard that the Svalbard Global Seed vault in the arctic region of Norway hit over half a million samples my mind started short circuiting. Could you imagine standing in the presence of all those seeds, carefully tucked away in four ply protective enclosures at a regulated temperature? I get a little sick standing at the Walmart Burpee seed section thinking about what species I could potentially wipe out of existence with my black thumb. I’ve done some experimenting over the years to try and correct my faults. Recently, I took the approach of putting a tomato plant in the bottom of a hanging basket and putting a couple basil plants on top. I figured the tomato plant would be able to grow down without the need of a stake and the basil would be a nice addition to the mix. I never grew one fruit but the basil did pretty well. I can also grow nice zucchini vines and flowers but never a damn zuc.

Anyway, the point of my story is not my gardening issues but this damn seed vault. How cool is that? Of course, it functions the way a backup server functions in a computer network. There are seed banks all over the place and this one is used for duplicates in the event of global or regional disasters affecting the primary ones, which have happened in the case of the Philippines one flooded from a typhoon in 2006. The one in Norway is supposedly able to withstand global warming, earthquakes, and nuclear strikes. We’re pretty two for three around the world these days on those types of disasters.

This got me to thinking, though. Usually in cases like this the fire department gets a preemptive alarm on my brain. Just follow the smoke. Actually, I’m sure there are safeguards in place for more than just seeds. But what if there aren’t. Think about it? In the bible, whether you choose to believe everything you read, Noah built an ark and herded two of all the animals of the world, and Kathy Lee Gifford onto his Noahwegian Cruise Ship and set sail for higher ground. Unfortunately, dragons, unicorns, fairies, and other “mythical” creatures were told the wrong time and were made extinct. Thank you, Robot Chicken. So, is there any kind of repository for animal species to be preserved in the event of a global disaster? Yeah, kind of… There are things called Frozen Zoos which hold DNA and genetic material thanks to groups like the Audubon Center for Research of Endangered Species. Think proactive Jurassic Park. They could theoretically revive species that become extinct.

Remember in high school when you learned about the Wonders of the Ancient World? Me neither. But there was a library in Alexandria that held some of the greatest works of ancient writings and it burnt down because Julius Caesar got a little carried away with matches. Kidding again. That’s a theory. Still, the destruction of the library caused a huge gap in written history. That was until Nicholas Cage found scrolls from it along with the Mason’s treasure vault underneath a church in New York City. Once again, kidding.

So, what about an indestructible vault for architectural drawings and concepts, medical procedures, music, writings, and other items of historical worth?  Sure, you have the library of congress and my iPod but what if the attacks on 9/11 would have destroyed more than just a section of the Pentagon. What if the National Archives building were hit? Now, there may be some electronic repository for works of art or architecture that Bill Gates might have come up with but are you willing to expect future generations to recover the history of civilization while waiting for automatic updates to occur on Windows X? Or better yet, an update to the iTunes store. If we’re lucky a monolith will appear somewhere with a service patch that automatically upgrades us to the next version.

Let's put Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich in charge of the scenarios and in the event that some disaster does occur, and Al Gore will stand there saying I told you so, it would be nice to offer future generations a blueprint and set of tools to get civilization back up and running quicker than a millennium of incremental baby steps. My brother said, “We should start sticking stuff up on Mars…you know…before we move.” I told him we should think about the future and buy a franchise operation of an EZ Storage business and place it right between the Walmart and Starbucks. That’s a couple years away, at least. Maybe by then we’ll have a fix for social security, healthcare, and a better way for me to grow tomatoes in my yard. If I’m lucky I can swing by the Mars Walmart for some Burpee seeds, a Caramel Macchiato from Marsbucks and a copy of the National Audubon Society’s Guide To Better Growing. One can only hope.


Funny Footnotes

Mars-Evans City Storage
Mars does have a storage business.  But the Starbucks and Walmart are miles away.

Pluto Day

With Earth Day fast approaching, I thought I’d take a moment to remind everyone that while the Earth is our home and we should treat it as such…ok, not like my home because it’s a mess, but you get the point. How about this? Let’s treat the Earth like our home, when company is coming over and you’ve spent the better part of the last two days cleaning up everything to make it pretty. After all, your guests don’t want to see your dirty laundry piling up in a heap in the laundry room. Nor do they wish to have the wonderful smell of a used kitty litter box wafting through the air while they enjoy a nice meal on your dining room table/bill and junk mail holder.

See, that’s Earth Day has become, spring cleaning. We spend all year leaving our non-biodegradable dishes lying around and once in a great while we clean up. Earth Day is like Christmas. You clean up the mess that’s been building for the last six months just so the house can look good for about six hours. Next week, we’ll all be back to driving all over the place in our fossil fuel cars and using five paper towels to clean up a mess that only requires one. Earth Day is like a New Year’s Resolution or Lent. You promise to be good for awhile but that good behavior has an expiration date attached.

You know who doesn’t have the luxury of having people care about it for one day? Pluto. That poor bastard of a celestial body got demoted a few years ago. What did Pluto ever do to any of us? For that matter, why should the Earth got all the attention when Pluto is as pristine as the day it cooled. You want to talk about cosmic injustice, not only do we get the chance to wreck our planet, we have the self righteous where withal to decide who gets to be a planet.

Can you imagine, back in 1930, someone made a long distance phone call to the little ball in the sky and said,

“Hello? Yes, this is the Earth. We just wanted to let you know that we have reviewed your application for planetary status and have decided to offer you a place in our text books and astronomy maps. Unfortunately, we already have a Saturn listed so you’ll have to have a different name. No, you can’t just add a one to the end of it. Let’s mark you down as Pluto. Why? Why not?”

Then, 76 years later, we let Pluto go. Sure, there was some performance reviews planned as we made attempts to sit down and talk about our goals. The one time, we even planned to offer Pluto a promotion but ended up going with Saturn’s moon Titan. But, we just decided to let them go instead. So they’ll get their final paycheck in 2015 and a copy of a form letter.

To whom it may concern.

We’re in a period of restructuring and unfortunately, there are some hard decisions to be made. Due to the economy and some unsavory budget cuts, we’ve made the tough decision to terminate your status as planet. Furthermore, while you’ve been loyal to the orbit around the sun and been a good team leader, overseeing Charon, Nix, and Hydra, you haven’t met the goal of securing a dominant gravitational force over our direct competitor, The Kuiper Belt. We recognize this as a direct violation of the contract we agreed upon when granting your planetary status. Also, the constant switching with Neptune is unacceptable. You were given this offer as the ninth planet, not sometimes eighth.

A member from IAU will be by to collect your things and escort you from the Solar System. We appreciate your years of service and will keep your application on file for the next century should anything suitable for your return appear.

Thank you,

Earth

That was it, no chance for rebuttal. We didn’t offer any severance package or unemployment. We just made a decision that technically, should have disqualified other planets, including Earth. Then again, we acted like so many other organizations. We reserved the right to get rid of you without recourse. So, as we clean up our carbon footprints and reuse, reduce, and recycle our way to a cleaner conscience. Just remember, we may decide to save the Earth, but we never gave Pluto a choice.

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