And Now A Word From Our DJ

I gave up on listening to music format radio stations years ago. I do listen to WDVE in the morning on my way to work for the morning show. When they go to a song, I switch the station. Now, if that song is anything by Journey or Warren Zevon or Led Zeppelin or the Doors or… OK there are a lot of exceptions… but in any case, usually, the music means it’s time to go down the dial.
Where I end up is usually 93.7, The Fan. Us old fogies know it as The Station Formally Known As B94. I spend a few minutes there until commercial or they start talking about Pitt. I’m not a hater, I’m an alum. It’s just that somewhere in the last year, The Fan got a contract with the University to air their football and basketball games and even though this is a primarily Pittsburgh based sports talk station, about 50% or more of their discussions and coverage are about Pitt teams. It’s like they have to give lip service to the University every hour or they’ll lose their deal.

But that’s not what really bothers me about radio, these days. I’ve gone on about music and Top 40 and the crap that is out there, playing in heavy rotation every 20 minutes. This is more about what happens on the radio with the individual stations.

Now, let me back this rant up about 30 years. As a kid, I remember driving around town in my Dad’s old Chevy Custom Deluxe pickup truck. He had it tuned to pretty much one station, WCVI AM. It was the hometown radio station, just across the bridge from where we lived. It was mostly news with some middle of the road type music. The news was pretty much read from the newspaper, as you could actually hear the page turning as the broadcaster flipped the page to continue the story. But the real thrill for me was listening to Paul Harvey segments. You’re going to have to go look up Paul Harvey if you are unfamiliar. I could go on another three hours talking about him. I just don’t have that kind of time, right now.

The magic of Paul Harvey was part storytelling and part huckstering. He could seamlessly weave a mysterious tale about a famous person’s background and plug in a pitch for a Coleman Thermos in one breath. He excelled at blurring the line between broadcasting and commercial. Today’s equivalent would be like watching Chuck and noticing that the Nerd Herd “Herders” cars are Toyota’s, not because you know they are a Toyota Matrix, but because in the opening credits the logo is clearly shown. Also, they all love Subway, because there is a Subway wrapper shown in almost every episode. Paul Harvey was a little more subtle in his pitches but after awhile you could see them coming a mile away.

I shed a small tear when Harvey died in 2009. However, nothing burns me more than when I’m stuck in traffic from Wilkinsburg to the other side of the Squirrel Hill tunnels, or trying to frantically get back over to the middle lane at the Grant Street exit, only to hit a wall of traffic due to an accident just outside the Fort Pitt Tunnels, and I switch radio stations looking for actual content and get duped into listening to a commercial because the announcer is the same guy who I listen to during the regular broadcast.

That pisses me off to no end. I land on one station and think I’m listening to the show and find out that it’s a pitch for DirectTV or a car dealership. Now, my friends will be quick to point out that I should get Satellite Radio and hook up my iPod. First of all, I’m too cheap to spend the money on a radio that will have like three channels that I’ll listen to and my iPod has seen better days. Not to mention, the apparatus to hook up my iPod to my radio, so I can listen, is not conducive to me being a safe driver. That goose neck Belkin debacle of an iPod transmitter has nearly caused me more accidents than a teenager with a car and an unlimited text plan, who just got dumped. To sum it all up, I’m a cheap ass who would rather complain about what’s on the radio instead of doing something different.

But back to my tangent. Is it that apparent that no one likes commercials anymore that stations will do whatever it takes to try and work in their ads? Are they trying to be shifty by disguising a commercial by having the applicable on air host do the commercial? Am I just a conspiracy theory loving hater who thinks the world is out to get him? Yes, I know the last one is a rhetorical question.

Maybe this is evolution. Maybe all the tricks the Mad Men have employed over the years are leading to trying to find new ways to sell you something. I for one hate how Google has followed me around for months now on every website I visit. I’ve already paid for my vacation in the Outer Banks with a particular company. Stop showing me their ads when I go to a sports site. I know it’s a cookie thing. I guess they figure that a greater percentage of the population is able to be manipulated versus those of us who are turned away from that kind of advertising. For me, it’s like hypnosis. I don’t believe in it and usually it pushes me even further from whatever product they are selling. The Google thing just makes me want to stop using them altogether. But… it’s like Walmart, more often than not, you end up there because it’s easier.

So, as I develop stronger muscles in my right leg from commuting and a bigger sense of ambivalence towards radio and commercialism I will probably become even more curmudgeonly than I already was. Is that even a grammatically correct statement spell check? There is probably some puppy kicking in my future. And nothing kicks puppies better than my new Nike Cross Trainers… Puppy kicking… Just Do it.

And now you know the rest of the story…

Good Day…

Grrrr.

The Tonight Show With....Um, We Don't Know

Growing up I would hear a familiar voice at 11:30. I would just be drifting off to sleep in my bed as Ed McMahon would say, “Heeeeere’s Johnny!” It was like Ed was tucking me in at night and offering me a last drink saying, “Heeeere’s Water!” This was the practice during the school year. I would stay up until the news came on, watching shows like St. Elsewhere, Trapper John MD, Fantasy Island. Hart to Hart, Matt Houston, Cagney and Lacey, and my favorite, Hill Street Blues. Each week I loved hearing Michael Conrad do the roll call and then end with, “Let’s be careful out there.”

But during the summer I would watch Johnny Carson after the news since I was allowed to stay up a little later. When I went off to college I switched to watching David Letterman as most kids at my age did. Of course, my brother watched him, too, when he was in college, but that was seven years prior, when Dave was on after Carson. Since then, I’ve pretty much stopped watching the late night comic shows, although I will catch Jimmy Kimmel on occasion, usually hoping to see This Week in Unnecessary Censorship because there is nothing funnier than censoring Mr. Rogers or The Muppets even if it’s not something that needs it.

Frankly, my television experience anymore consists of me living vicariously through my DVR and hoping I don’t max out my available space. I spend the late night show time slots catching up on shows that air during the times when I am giving my kid a bath or basically running around getting things ready for the next day. Still, I keep an eye on what’s going on with television so I can program accordingly.

I will admit that in college, I was an avid watcher of 10PM shows like Homicide, Law & Order and ER. But, after I graduated I sort of dropped off in watching them. Now, if there’s a show on at 10PM, I watch it the next day or on the weekend. But, for NBC, that is no longer a concern since they moved to having Jay Leno on at 10PM. To say I’m not a huge fan of Jay Leno is sort of true. I’ve never really taken to him outside of his stand up act years ago. He might be the nicest guy in the world but I really don’t care. What I do care is that NBC is trying to hold onto something that it can’t. Jay’s time with the Tonight Show was a great thing and it kept the late night staple going after Johnny Carson retired. I don’t think the show had the same impact as it did under Carson but it kept the money rolling in from every direction. Since it was time to hand over the reins to Conan O’Brien, what could NBC do to hold onto their Golden Goose?

So, they rolled the dice on axing their 10PM lineup and gave Leno that spot while letting O’Brien take over the Tonight Show. That didn’t pan out and now they are looking to shuffle the deck, again. But to what end? Is it fair to tell Conan O’Brien that he’s going to be bumped to after midnight? After all, if Leno is already tanking at 10PM, what will happen if they put him back on at 11:35PM and hope that the audience sticks around for Conan? Should they? Jay Leno without the Tonight Show is probably not as good and hoping he can gain the street cred back by making the show shorter and later seems like beating a dead horse.

That’s not to say that Conan is doing better with the mantle of Tonight Show host. His ratings have slipped, too. He’s not your mom and pop type host, but one that reaches the college kids who are still up at the late hour. Moving him to 11:35PM expects the general public to accept his style and hope that the audience will shift their viewing to earlier instead of being at the clubs. But remember, Dave Letterman went through the same growing pains in 1993. He initially took off running with the lead spot but after the O.J. incident and Hugh Grant’s appearance on The Tonight Show, he dropped from the top spot. Still, Letterman has consistently performed well and why shouldn’t Conan after he gets adjusted to his new slot?

I say if they really want to keep Leno around, bump him to after Conan. But NBC won’t do that. They’ll move Leno to 11:35 and bump Conan to midnight making the Tonight Show, the Tomorrow Show. Why? Because NBC wants to recoup their losses quickly instead of waiting for things to pan out. Also, if they get rid of Conan they owe a substantial amount of money. They can’t change the name of the show or risk having to pay him per his contract. And, if Conan gets courted by another network, he stands to lose, too. Leno is pretty much making it hard for everyone. He’s going to be the Brett Favre of late night. He just won’t go away.