WUMF: September 2012 Edition

OK... so, I've been distracted lately with stuff.   It's kept me from regularly posting, and I'm still late on my Labor Day travels post,  but the culmination of a few things have led to another thrilling edition of WUMF!


The Replacements
We all know that the replacement refs suck.  Fine.  But really, does the NFL care?  No.  You know why?  Because even bad publicity is good publicity.  Was it a bit petty that the league did not cave until the blown Green Bay/Seattle game??  Yes.  But the league generates a billion dollars. Even though the regular refs get like six figure incomes for working half the year and first class airfare, that's a still a huge disparity. 

Yet, it kind of backfires when the biggest names in team ownership see their games impacted by the botched calls.  The Krafts, who own the Patriots, and the City of Green Bay, which pretty much own the Packers both had games with controversial end game calls, resulting in losses for them.  That might be why the talks finally resumed and came to a conclusion.  So, now, we can get back to bashing the regular refs for blowing calls.  At least we get to see the Hochuli pythons signaling touchdown or holding.  Flex them you douche.  Flex them all the way to the bank.

SPPPPOOOOOON!
If you know what that's from you'll know what the hell I'm talking about. On Sunday, my wife was about to give our five year old a bath when she noticed what looked like a blackhead on her back.  Turned out to be a tick.  I looked at it for a second and just said, "Eff it!"  I pulled it out.   I managed to get it all out, intact.  It sat on my finger nail looking at me, wiggling.  So, I flushed it.

In hindsight, I should have saved it.   We took her to the pediatrician on Monday and they actually wanted to hire me to do tick removals.  Seems to be OK.  They gave her an antibiotic to treat a sinus infection and after three days, the bite is hardly noticeable.   No, "Bullseyse", as it were.   We'll keep an eye on her, though.

Now, we have some woods around our house, but we don't go near them.  In fact, on Sunday, we were only outside to go to the store, and then she was outside with m for about twenty minutes while I grilled steaks.  She played on her swing.  She didn't go anywhere near brush.  So, I don't know if she got it then, or if those damn strays passed it along.  That situation is getting ridiculous.

Slenderman
The other reason I haven't been posting is that I got sucked into watching these videos.  For those of you who do not know.  Slenderman was part of a competition on the Something Awful forums.  The task was to doctor up some photos to make it look like some scary phenomena.   The result was this thing that looked like a cross between the Gentlemen from Buffy, and a sperm.  Go look him up.

Anyway, it turned into an ARG, which is an alternate reality game where a group of people started posting videos like they were found footage.   Under the guise of making a "Student Film" called MarbleHornets, a friend is given a bunch of tapes from the production and is told to "burn them".  Of course, you can't do that, so the person starts watching them and posting them as entries online.  What happens is that you see strange things like video and audio distortion, shapes, SLENDERMAN!

You get sucked in, even though you know the whole thing is fake, just because they capitalized on the thing that made Blair Witch so popular 12 years ago. There is no explanation for why it's happening and that's part of the fun.  You hardly see the monster.  Of course, when you do, it's so badly constructed, but still, it creeps you out a bit.   After three years and 60 some entries, it's gotten a bit ridiculous, but damnit if I won't watch every single one of them.  There's even free video games online surrounding the hilarity.

Hitchcock was really good in using fetishistic scopophilia in films like Rear Window and Psycho.  That's when you are entertained by watching others' as in the case of Norman Bates looking at Marion Crane through the peep holes or L.B. Jeffries looks at his neighbors across the courtyard.   But what really ratchets up the excitement or terror is when you are simply observers, unable to control what's happening.  You simply sit and watch something.  In the case of the MarbleHornets videos, you are given a POV (Point of View) experience and the person filming takes you along on for the ride, passive and unable to control what is happening in the frame.

Double O Spud

Recently, I was sent an internet site for a place called Spud's Travels. Why?  Because, that's what we do at work.  We find weird websites and email them to each other.  Unfortunately, when they get to me, I have to take it one step further and point out their shortcomings.   It's not a malicious thing; it's just that I don't think like everyone else.  I tend to have a warped sense of reality and should probably come with a plastic bag warning.   Mental issues aside, I didn't really spend a lot of time at the site which is pretty much one of those traveling toy picture pages.  Back when I was a kid there was a story about a duck shaped lawn ornament that went missing from a local couple.  Every so often they'd receive letters from exotic locations and there would be a picture of their duck at some monument or tourist type attraction included.  Eventually, the duck was returned and no harm befell it.  Then, when I was a sophomore, I was involved with the stage crews for the plays and musicals performed at our high school.  In our back room, where we kept all the sets and props, there was this huge paper Mache horse from a previous year.  One night it disappeared from the school and began popping up all over town.  The local news paper found it on their steps and then it appeared on the rooftop of a local business.  It was quite the mystery for our little one horse town.

But here, we're talking potatoes, here.  With the impending release of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Playskool has decided to release a Taters of the Lost Ark Mr. Potato Head, complete with whip and gold colored idol.

You may remember when the prequel trilogy of the Star Wars saga was released Playskool issued a Darth Tater and Spud Trooper version.  There is even an Optimash Prime version for last years' Transformers movie.   This got me to thinking.  Playskool has missed the boat on the marketing goldmine of the century.  With Daniel Craig putting on the tux for Bond 22 this fall, Playskool should be rushing out a whole line of Mr. Potato Heads based on the Bond franchise.  After all, the latest Double Idaho 7 has been called "Mr. Potato Head" by numerous folks.  Why not use this as an excuse to corner the market.  However, being that I am bringing this to you, I believe I should be given compensation for my marketing genius.  Ok, that won't happen. I'll still give you my opinion because I'm just ridiculously insane.

I give you Double Idaho 7.  Spud, James Spud. 

This secret agent comes complete with the following.

1. White tuxedo jacket


2. Mouth that doesn't smile but comes with a bow tie directly under it.


3. Stern, cold eyes


4. Gadgets.  Plenty of them all stored in his butt.

Maybe, I'm nuts.  After all, why would a company that makes kids' toys create a spud in the likeness of a stone cold killer?  Hello, Darth Tater? Spud Trooper?  Spuda Fett?  It's not like Darth Vader was into playing with puppies and rainbows.  He was the baddest bad ass in the galaxy.  He killed Jedi children.  And Boba Fett was a ruthless bounty hunter.  So, why not James Bond? 

Think of it in terms of sheer volume of usable material in which to make jokes.  After 22 movies, Bond has more pun related films than any other Mr. Potato Head movie star likeness.  Just take a look.

Slicense To Kill

Gnocci Are Forever

Goldtuber

Live and Let Fry

Octopussy and Chips

Quantum of Solanum

On Her Mashestey's Secret Service

GoldenEyes

The Wedge is not Enough

The Man with the Golden Hash Browns

From Russet with Love

You Only Bake Twice

For Your Fries Only

Perhaps, someone out there among my three readers will contact a friend of a friend and send my link all the way to Playskool's marketing groups.  Until that happens, let it be known that I came up with the idea and put it down on paper, first.  We'll haggle over copyright later. 

 

Ok, one more.   Mrs. Potato Head Bond Girl version....... Honey Ore Ryda.

Fine, I'll stop.