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Monday, December 15, 2008

Dear Santa...three decades later.

Dear Santa Claus,

How have you been? I’ve been good. Honestly, there’s no need to check that list a second time, I’ve been great. Well, ok, there was that moment, last year, when I hid the fact that I was getting a PS3 from my wife. Really, she wasn’t mad because I got it but that I did it behind her back. She always complains she doesn’t know what I want for Christmas and instead of telling her, I went ahead and got one on my own. Granted, I saved her $300 because I got it for free…but that’s a whole other story. But since that happened before last Christmas, it doesn’t count. Every year starts me with a blank slate, right? Kind of like a priest with confessional. Once I get communion, the count resets.

Anyway, I thought I would send you a letter because you’ve reached your friend limit on Facebook. That sucks, BTW. So, I grabbed this weird thing called a pencil and found something called paper and tried it out. After three seconds, my hand cramped up. I’m not used to using the whole thing. I manage to get through a whole day using my fingers….and my thumbs if I have my Blackberry. Do you have an email address or myspace page? How about Twitter? That would be kewl LOL! So, if you get this letter, please consider the following as what I would like for Christmas.

  • A Nintendo Wii. Ok, I thought I’d just throw that out there first. You know, tee high and let it fly. I know I have a PS3 already, but all my grown up friends have a Wii, now, and peer pressure is such a drag at the office. They constantly pick on me and call me things like, Luddite….whatever that means. While, they’re off at their own little table eating the Lunchables, talking about their cool games, I’m left alone to talk to the one guy who talks only about how much he loves running Linux on his PS3.
  • A 50+” LCD Flat Screen Television. Again, I hear it from all the guys how they watch their football on a big screen TV. Now, it’s not that I want it all, but I have to at least keep up with the Jones. It’s really, really, really important. Pleeeease!
  • A set of Hedge Trimmers and extra extension cords. I know that it seems like a weird thing to ask for, but I borrowed my Father-in-Law’s 4 years ago and managed to cut right through the cord in less than 20 minutes. Last week, after much trepidation, I attempted to trim the hedges again. Four years made them really high. I figured I’d save on lights and electricity, trying to decorate them. This time I only made it five minutes. I figure three cords will work.
  • Snow Tires. This is more for my wife than me. Honestly, I don’t see the value of having snow tires when we get more ice than snow. I had snow tires on my car and slid all over the place anyway. My Father-in-Law told me he doesn’t have any trouble because he has four wheel drive. I told him, “Meh” and that he was a noob because four wheel drive doesn’t mean four wheel stop. Still, my wife will feel safer with me on the road if I have snow tires. Do you think you can get me the kind that helps other people stop better? They tend to slide into me when I’m sitting still at stop signs. I’ll let you decide.

Well, I think that covers it. If you have any trouble getting the elves to make any of this stuff, let me know. I can prolly figure out something. Cash works good. But no stocks. I heard they aren’t so good this year.

Your “nice” friend

P.S. I apologized to my Father-in-law for teh “noob” comment. He’s ok with me now. I just wanted to throw that out there as it might slide me into the naughty column.

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