Rage, Rage Against The Emptying of the Pot

How many times has this happened to you?

You’re the first one in the office and need coffee badly.    You’ve got a ton of shit to do and need to get those deadlines met.     The eyelids droop.  The attention wanes.  The sound of snoring is coming from your cube.   CRAP!  It’s you.  You’re tired.    Maybe your team decided to lose a heartbreaker of a game in double overtime the night before.   Maybe you spent half the night dealing with a particularly glitchy video editing application.  Maybe you just decided to catch up on half of a season of Game of Thrones so that you can walk into the office without the fear of “Spoilers are Coming!”   I HAVE EIGHT MORE HOURS OF THIS!

So, you shake it off and head to the office kitchen for some much needed caffeine.    Once you get there you notice there is no coffee to be found. 

“That’s right!”  You say, “I was the first one in today.” 

You sigh and resign yourself to making a brand new pot.    The next four minutes are agonizing.  Realizing that a watched pot never brews, you decide to go to the bathroom, drop off that mail that needs to go out, and head back to the kitchen.

Your fresh pot should be there, waiting for you, like a good dog after the war, warm and loyal.   So, you enter the kitchen, passing that one guy you don’t like, carrying a cup of coffee. 

“Damnit!”   That douche bag violated my pristine brew.   

You shrug off the evil thoughts and head for salvation in a cup with equal parts cream and sugar.

EMPTY!

The pot is empty.  That M-F-ING ASSHAT not only took the last cup, he didn’t start a new pot, either. 

So, you do the steps all over again and realize that you are still behind schedule.  So, you go back to your desk and barrel through a few tasks, hoping to get back before the time is up on your re-brew.

You run, not walk, to the kitchen and now there is a crowd forming around the pot you brewed.   The timer goes off and in a Pavlovian response, they pounce on it.    The ratio of people to ounces of coffee is too great.   Once again, you are out of luck.   AND STILL NO ONE STARTS A NEW POT.

You slink back to your desk, another pot on, and there is your boss, standing at your cube, looking at their watch.  “You’ve been in unavailable status for nearly 20 minutes.”

What excuse can you tell them that doesn’t end with you re-enacting that scene from Office Space with the Bobs?  So, you take your licks and barrel through the next hour, just getting shit done.

You head to the kitchen and finally there is a fresh, untouched pot waiting for you. 

Too bad it’s decaf.

And you see, officer, that is why I sideswiped that Starbucks truck on my way home.











This really didn't happen.  This is simply me being creative.