Governors Involved In Extramarital Affairs

The old saying that politics makes for strange bedfellows couldn’t be more applicable than to the office of Governor. The last two decades has shown us that much. While Rod Blagojevich was embroiled in his own scandal, involving corruption and the selling of President Obama’s vacated senate seat in a low reserve auction on eBay, he probably would have fared better to have just cheated on his wife. He’d probably still be governor that way.

And with Sarah Palin resigning as Alaska’s Governor, one dare not speculate as to why she did it for fear of prosecution. Though, I suspect she is positioning herself to become the self proclaimed “Maverick of Pop” in the wake of Michael Jackson’s passing.

But back to the point here, adultery. It seems as if the act of extramarital affairs is no longer seen as a symptom of being a Governor but more likely a requirement. Here’s a brief list of some famous scandals from the last 20 years punctuated by the progenitor of the act.

Mark Sanford – Last Tango in Appalachia
It’s ok, though, his wife knew about it. Yet, playing the board game of Scotland Yard with Sanford filling in for Mr. X. seems to be a little out of the realm of being fine with the rest of the state, considering he slipped security detail, had a cover story about hiking the Appalachian Trail, and then high tailed it out of the country over Father’s Day weekend. But, he’s still in charge.

Elliot Spitzer – Now serving, client number 9
His downfall was as ironic as his name considering his scandalous affair with a high priced escort named…oh who cares to remember. Elected on a platform of fighting solicitation and corruption, ole Spitzer got caught in a sting operation to take down a prostitution ring involving famous clients.

James McGreevey – The Gay One
OK, even I admit that was out of line and crass. And by making that statement I am not asking for clemency from those who would find that tag reprehensible. However, from a stance of being satirical, his position in the media spotlight was geared more towards his being gay than the fact that he had an extramarital affair. In political pop cultural, the fact that he admitted to being gay trumps cheating on his spouse and family, and apparently appointing someone to the position of homeland security adviser, who lacks qualifications, experience, and U.S. citizenship.

Bill Clinton – Definitively Defining Tail Tagging while Flaunting Fallacies during Congressional Censuring
Clinton may go down in history in a few different ways. There’s Somalia, Kosovo, Whitewater, among others, but none will be so remembered as his being impeached, not for having an affair while being Governor of Arkansas or even President of the United States, but for lying about it in a deposition. Travelgate and Whitewater were window dressing to the whole thing. There was thought to be an abuse of power involving an intern, there was a cigar, a stained dress, and recorded conversations. There was an actual request for clarification on the definition of the word “is.” Guess who had the last laugh through all this?

Earl Long – The Last of the Red Hot Poppas
That was Uncle Earl’s term, not mine. Whether you choose to believe the outlandish behavior that has been attributed to Governor Earl Long, you have to admit, he had his fair share of fun. The subject of the movie Blaze puts Earl Long into a decadent light, cavorting with a stripper named Blaze Starr. Yet, he managed to fill the post of Louisiana Governor three times before dying of a fatal heart attack. Go with a smile, I guess.


Isn't it amazing to live in a country where elected officials are asked to define marriage when they obviously don't understand the definition themselves.

Spitzer Swallows a bitter pill.

Welcome back to the all new Super Password.

The Password is IRONY.

Betty White, go ahead.

"Spitzer."

By now all of the political buzzing is around the governor of New York. Everyday drinking water has been spared the prying eyes of The Mitchell Report searching for the silver bullet that is trying to nail water for evidence of drugs. Now, the 24 hour news cycle has a new bone to chew on with Eliot Spitzer's involvement with a prostitution ring. "Hey Eliot, the password is, KARMA."

Why is it that politicians always find themselves in these situations? Not that we here at Angry Mongo like to talk politics, in fact we have a rule. There are three things we try to never discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin. However, in the case of Spitzer, I find the need to point out a couple of things.

The first is that we just got out of a writers' strike. You've just given every writer in Hollywood enough material to last until the next strike. Your name alone is classic. Let's see how long before the late night gang starts toting out these gems.

"Eliot Spitzer was just indicted for soliciting a prostitute. Her name, Swallows."

"Welcome to the Emperors Club VIP. You can be rest assured of our quality as all of our girls have been inspected by Client 9."

What's even funnier about this is that supposedly Spitzer used the alias of George Fox. Fox was a Quaker who once said at the age of 11, "I knew pureness and righteousness; for, while I was a child, I was taught how to walk to be kept pure. The Lord taught me to be faithful, in all things, and to act faithfully two ways; inwardly to God, and outwardly to man."

Now if that isn't ironic, then how about the fact that Spitzer prosecuted two prostitution rings as New York Attorney General. How ironic is it? Let's ask the Governor.

"Hey, Eliot. How ironic is it?"

The other thing that I feel I should point out is that at least Democrats at least screw up in a normal fashion. That's not to say that they are any less of a hippocrite than say a Republican but look at the last two big Republican scandals.

1. Mark Foley: Former Republican Representative from Florida. He was a big opponent of child pornography and served as a chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children. His reason for resignation? Caught sending sexually explicit emails to congressional pages.
2. Larry Craig: Idaho senator who supported the Federal Marriage Amendment which would define marriage as a union of man and woman and would deny rights to same sex couples. His reason for resignation? He was busted for trying to solicit sex from an undercover cop in a bathroom stallin at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. Then he withdrew his resignation.

Like I said, Spitzer is no better or worse than Craig or Foley, they're all hippocrites. It's just funnier to see the conservative right get caught in a scandal that opposes their staunch viewpoints. Of course, the biggest sex scandal of the 20th century has to be Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, yet Clinton never campaigned against sex with interns. He only denied understanding the definition of sexual act. Something, probably only Hillary could vouch for.

So, Governor, hats off to you becoming the definition of irony for 2008. If I were you, I'd ask the Emperors Club VIP for a refund, you got caught. If not, at least ask for 30% to help with divorce attorney fees.