So, I’ve gotten into texting… little bit. I resisted as long as I could. My wife does a lot of texting with her piano students; rearranging schedules and what not. Me? Not a lot going on there. I text my sister and my best friend. I even text my wife… lol.
I don’t have a data plan or even a smart phone. I’m clutching my LG Cosmo for as long as I can. I’ve resisted because I don’t want to pay for a phone… Remember, cheap bastard here. I didn’t want a phone in the beginning, so why would I pay for one. That being said, whenever this one shits the bed, I’ll have to get a smart phone, which means data plan, which means rage quitting the mobile device world.
But back to texting. I don’t have the fingers or thumbs for texting. The banana hands or meat hooks I have make it hard to get the letters out. Thankfully, I have a QWERTY keypad, but I tend to stay away from T9word. I don’t want any autocowrecks. I usually take awhile to text back in most cases. I just don’t live on my phone like some people. Usually, by 9pm, my phone is on the counter or plugged in to be charged and I don’t pick it up again until 6am the next day.
I also don’t text while driving. The temptation has been there. I have an hour long ride to and from work, but it’s just not worth it. Case in point. Yesterday, I was walking through the office, texting my sister back about something and I managed to run into two cube walls and walked down the wrong aisle.
Needless to say, I do not need to be texting while driving. I could end up lost in Mount Oliver… again. Stay tuned for that.
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Showing posts with label idiots. Show all posts
Showing posts with label idiots. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
The Final Chapter in the Medical Billing Saga
At long last there is closure… maybe.
If you’ve been reading on a regular basis, you’ve heard me gripe about my medical billing woes. The recap is this:
My wife went in for a routine exam last July. Lab work was sent by Provider A, West Penn Allegheny Health System. The next day she had another appointment for something else. Scans were done by Provider B, Excela Health.
The breakdown:
Provider A billed us $71.50 but never filed a claim.
Provider B billed us $250.00 and filed a claim.
We have an individual $250 deductible.
The result:
I paid Provider A for the full amount of $71.50.
I paid Provider B for the difference of $178.50, the difference of our deductible.
I went to collections over $71.50 with Provider B.
A couple weeks ago I called Provider A to get an explanation of which there was none. I called the Insurance company, of which we are no longer policy holders, and got no explanation. I called the collection agent and told them I had nothing to offer them as an explanation as that I didn’t know who should have been owed the money. They provided me proof of the debt owed to Provider B, but since the insurance company had no record of a claim from Provider A, I could not be sure that Provider B should have been owed anything.
I finally got through to someone at Provider A and they said, “Oh yeah, our bad.” They filed the claim which had been languishing in some limbo for who knows how long. I know it was more than six months, because I called them last year and said, "Hey, the insurance company never saw a claim." And they said, "Oh yeah, we'll file one."
Seven days later I called the Insurer to see if they received anything. They had not. I spoke to a supervisor who followed up with Provider A, which had done nothing yet. The Insurer got some traction and the claim was finally filed.
And the conclusion is…
I should never had been charged the $71.50 by Provider A. It was part of a wellness visit and they screwed up the billing. I guess they figured, "We got paid. Who cares if it was from the insurance company or the member?"
So, now I owe $71.50 to Provider B. Unfortunately, I have to wait ANOTHER WEEK to get reimbursed. Why can’t they just issue the check to the collector. It won’t take as long. I sure as hell am not cutting a check to them without the reimbursement in my hand.
There are some of you just shaking your heads, I get that. Here’s the thing. Even though $71.50 is not the end of my world, it impacts my finances a hell of a lot more than it impacts Excela Health or this collector. The principle of the matter is that I didn’t screw up. Provider A did when they billed me for something they never should have. I am simply acting the way any other business does when it comes to appeals and reimbursements.
How long does it usually take for you to get a rebate… if you get one? Something along the lines of four to six weeks, right? Why is that? Volume? Maybe.
So, I should just jump right in and pay because someone claims that I owe them something. A business has to sign a form, provide proof of being owed and wait for the payment to be processed, just like individuals.
If we are going to live in a world where we recognize corporations as people, then they can be treated just as shitty way we are. Therefore, I am a corporation. I’ve just decided. I am a corporation of me and I employ my wife and child. I provide them health care and I pay for it from my own pocket. I pay taxes on their existence in my corporation.
Don’t hate the player. Change the game.
If you’ve been reading on a regular basis, you’ve heard me gripe about my medical billing woes. The recap is this:
My wife went in for a routine exam last July. Lab work was sent by Provider A, West Penn Allegheny Health System. The next day she had another appointment for something else. Scans were done by Provider B, Excela Health.
The breakdown:
Provider A billed us $71.50 but never filed a claim.
Provider B billed us $250.00 and filed a claim.
We have an individual $250 deductible.
The result:
I paid Provider A for the full amount of $71.50.
I paid Provider B for the difference of $178.50, the difference of our deductible.
I went to collections over $71.50 with Provider B.
A couple weeks ago I called Provider A to get an explanation of which there was none. I called the Insurance company, of which we are no longer policy holders, and got no explanation. I called the collection agent and told them I had nothing to offer them as an explanation as that I didn’t know who should have been owed the money. They provided me proof of the debt owed to Provider B, but since the insurance company had no record of a claim from Provider A, I could not be sure that Provider B should have been owed anything.
I finally got through to someone at Provider A and they said, “Oh yeah, our bad.” They filed the claim which had been languishing in some limbo for who knows how long. I know it was more than six months, because I called them last year and said, "Hey, the insurance company never saw a claim." And they said, "Oh yeah, we'll file one."
Seven days later I called the Insurer to see if they received anything. They had not. I spoke to a supervisor who followed up with Provider A, which had done nothing yet. The Insurer got some traction and the claim was finally filed.
And the conclusion is…
I should never had been charged the $71.50 by Provider A. It was part of a wellness visit and they screwed up the billing. I guess they figured, "We got paid. Who cares if it was from the insurance company or the member?"
So, now I owe $71.50 to Provider B. Unfortunately, I have to wait ANOTHER WEEK to get reimbursed. Why can’t they just issue the check to the collector. It won’t take as long. I sure as hell am not cutting a check to them without the reimbursement in my hand.
There are some of you just shaking your heads, I get that. Here’s the thing. Even though $71.50 is not the end of my world, it impacts my finances a hell of a lot more than it impacts Excela Health or this collector. The principle of the matter is that I didn’t screw up. Provider A did when they billed me for something they never should have. I am simply acting the way any other business does when it comes to appeals and reimbursements.
How long does it usually take for you to get a rebate… if you get one? Something along the lines of four to six weeks, right? Why is that? Volume? Maybe.
So, I should just jump right in and pay because someone claims that I owe them something. A business has to sign a form, provide proof of being owed and wait for the payment to be processed, just like individuals.
If we are going to live in a world where we recognize corporations as people, then they can be treated just as shitty way we are. Therefore, I am a corporation. I’ve just decided. I am a corporation of me and I employ my wife and child. I provide them health care and I pay for it from my own pocket. I pay taxes on their existence in my corporation.
Don’t hate the player. Change the game.
Friday, March 9, 2012
More Medical Billing Woes: The Saga Continues
Awhile back I shared my woes with a year old tale of how one simple screw up with a service provider led me into a world of fail that continues to plague me.
Brief recap… My wife had a doctor visit on one day with Provider A and on the next day had some additional tests done by Provider B. Having a deductible of $250 to fulfill, we were billed $71.50 by Provider A. Provider B billed us for $250 for their services.
Never getting the full disclosure of what we were being billed for in an Explanation of Benefits, I opted to hold off on paying Provider A and B because there was a discrepancy in the amount being billed.
Long story short, I eventually paid Provider A for $71.50 and then $178.50 to Provider B, thus fulfilling her individual deductible of $250.
Then, Provider B continued to bill us for the remaining $71.50. I disputed it and they didn’t care. I contacted Provider A and they could not provide me with an answer. I contacted the Insurance Provider and they could not find any claim other than the initial co-pay of $20 for Provider A’s visit.
We were sent to collections. And when the collection agent called last week, I explained all of this and then had to make another round of calls to Provider A, Provider B, and the Insurance Provider.
Provider A is not open for inquiries beyond 5pm. 4pm for Provider B. Calling them after work is not really an option. Hell, it’s hard to get through to them during my lunch, because I’ve sat in the hold queue for well over 20 minutes and this issue takes time to re-explaining.
So, I called yesterday after going through my training class and needing to decompress… Of course, I attempted to apply what I learned about Service Management to the CSR over the phone. It didn’t go well. This is a paraphrased conversation.
They didn’t.
Once this gets resolved, I want a friggin’ apology from Provider A.
Brief recap… My wife had a doctor visit on one day with Provider A and on the next day had some additional tests done by Provider B. Having a deductible of $250 to fulfill, we were billed $71.50 by Provider A. Provider B billed us for $250 for their services.
Never getting the full disclosure of what we were being billed for in an Explanation of Benefits, I opted to hold off on paying Provider A and B because there was a discrepancy in the amount being billed.
Long story short, I eventually paid Provider A for $71.50 and then $178.50 to Provider B, thus fulfilling her individual deductible of $250.
Then, Provider B continued to bill us for the remaining $71.50. I disputed it and they didn’t care. I contacted Provider A and they could not provide me with an answer. I contacted the Insurance Provider and they could not find any claim other than the initial co-pay of $20 for Provider A’s visit.
We were sent to collections. And when the collection agent called last week, I explained all of this and then had to make another round of calls to Provider A, Provider B, and the Insurance Provider.
Provider A is not open for inquiries beyond 5pm. 4pm for Provider B. Calling them after work is not really an option. Hell, it’s hard to get through to them during my lunch, because I’ve sat in the hold queue for well over 20 minutes and this issue takes time to re-explaining.
So, I called yesterday after going through my training class and needing to decompress… Of course, I attempted to apply what I learned about Service Management to the CSR over the phone. It didn’t go well. This is a paraphrased conversation.
“How did this happen?”Let’s just say I don’t have a lot of confidence that this will get done. The last time I called they said they had to get a hold of a supervisor and call me back.
“No claim was filed for this service.”
“Yet you billed me for it.”
“Yes.”
“And I paid for it.”
“Yes”
“OK, well, I’m into collections with another provider over this, so re-file the claim.”
“It will take 7-10 days to do this because we have to pull it from collections.”
“Seriously? 7-10 days?”
“Yes.”
“But you billed me for it and didn’t file a claim with the insurance. Why do you think I didn’t pay it? Because no claim was filed and no EOB was sent out for it. What if I had already met my $250 deductible before this? How would you know that I owed anything? You billed me before filing a claim.”
“I understand that sir. It will take 7-10 days to file it because we have to pull it from collections.”
“OK, well, I called last year and went over this with someone and they said they would re-file it. They obviously didn’t do it. So, what kind of assurance do I have that it will get done this time? Can you send me something or copy me on the statement.”
“No, sir, I cannot do that. You can call the Insurance Provider in 7-10 days to see that it was filed.”
They didn’t.
Once this gets resolved, I want a friggin’ apology from Provider A.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Here's What I Can Do For You - Smart Phones are Making us Dumb
I am one of the few remaining people in the civilized world that does not own a smart phone. I am as much of a gadget geek or tech head as anyone but for some reason I feel like smart phones are going to be the downfall of humanity. But, I’ll get to that diatribe in a bit.
As far as mobile phones go, I rock an LG Cosmos provided by Verizon. Prior to that it was the ENV2 which is now a piss poor Game Boy since I couldn’t transfer the games I paid for to my new phone. And, before the ENV2 it was a standard LG flip phone. I don’t even remember the name of it. I didn’t want that first phone. In fact, I lobbied against getting a cell phone. I didn’t need to have one. If I wasn’t home for someone to contact me, it was by design. I was at work, or out and if someone needed to get a hold of me, they would have to wait. It was my wife who made me get a phone. She was worried about me driving to and from work on the back roads of Deer Central, Southwestern PA.
So, I begrudgingly got one and I barely used it for anything but a few calls and mostly pictures. I have a generous plan with a lot of minutes and hardly scratch the surface of those limits. Then, I started texting here and there and eventually had to get a text plan which consists of 250 texts per month at $5.00 per month. I barely reach half of that on a regular basis.
Then, I got a call from Verizon Wireless looking to upgrade me. They wanted to upgrade me to a smart phone, offer data plans, and do all these wonderful things for me. They said all this after they examined my account and saw that I hardly used what I had.
“OK, I see you have an LG Cosmos which came with your plan at no extra charge.”
“Yep.”
“We can upgrade you to one of our whiz-bang-smarty pants-phone made with a space age polymer and smells of strawberries. You can take pictures, text, use the internet, make a cartoon cat repeat everything you say in a cute voice, scan bar codes and find information that you didn’t care about before, search Google, make light saber noises and you can have it for $499 with a rebate of using it for a two year contract which makes it $99.00. Does that interest you?”
“Um, I’ve paid nothing for my phones since I started getting them, so, no.”
“OK, well, I see you use roughly 90 of your 550 minutes plan each month.”
“Yes, that sounds about right.”
“OK, here’s what I can do for you… We can upgrade you to that whiz bang phone that costs $99 and you get 700 anytime minutes for $69.99 for two lines. Does that interest you?”
“Um, no. I hardly call people now.”
“OK, well, let’s take a look at your data usage. You have 250 texts a month for $5.00. Of that, you use roughly 60 a month.”
“Yep, that’s pretty accurate.”
“You also have pay as you go MB usage of which you haven’t even used the Internet from your phone.
“Yeah, I don’t go onto the Internet from my phone.”
“OK, here’s what I can do for you. We can upgrade you to that whiz bang strawberry smelling phone and offer you unlimited texts and 2GB data allowance for $54.99 a month. Does that interest you?”
“Um, no. Look, you can see what I do with my phone now. Pretty much nothing. So, why would I pay more when I don’t do any of those things?”
“OK, understood. Thank you.”
Look, I understand that they are TRYING to sell me something. But, when you look at my account, which they do before they call me and SEE I’m not doing anything worthy of upgrading, there’s really no point in calling me, now is there? But then again, there’s no point in calling people, who are consistently going over their limits and paying a higher rate for the overages, to offer them savings. Because it’s more money in Verizon’s pocket.
Outbound calls are all about attracting new services and businesses, but there needs to be a smarter analysis of your existing customer base or you run the risk of alienating them more when you bother them with services that they clearly don’t even use that much. If you want to get someone into a higher bracket, examine the ones that maybe go over once in a while or come close to that overage. These are people that probably would entertain the idea of upping their plan in order to pay a little more but save a lot in the end. Don’t go after the little fish in the big pond. Go after the fish that is almost too big for his small pond and offer him a bigger pond where he is now the little fish once more.
But, this is why I probably would never make it in big business. I’m too concerned with the customers’ needs and not the shareholders’.
OK, now my rant. I’ve actually go on about some of this before… but that was REALLY doom and gloom stuff. This is a little more sarcastic.
Smart Phones are making us dumber. There was a time when having a mobile phone meant your parents had a rotary phone in the kitchen with a 100 foot tangled mess of cord attached to the handset. You could literally go into the garage and still be on the phone. After the wireless phone came into play, young kids could freely run through the house without the fear of being strangled by the cord that was stretched across the living room doorway.
Then we had pagers which sent us an alert to find a stationary landline to call whoever paged us. Cell phones that freed us up completely to communicate with anyone, anywhere, and at anytime. Eventually, texting became available. Now, we could have conversations without having to speak directly with someone. Email… for your phone. Human interaction became sterilized and devoid of emotion save for the few emoticons that litter the textual landscape of messages. Not content with having to be in front of a computer to surf the web or play games, phones began offering the ability to completely disconnect from reality… sometimes while driving.
We can now exist completely online with no human interaction at all. We can shop, learn, play, and communicate all from a phone. Moreover, there’s no need to even remember anything because our phones have access to the Internet. Phone numbers? That’s in my contacts. Useless facts about movies, sports, and history? You can now unload that from your brain because you can access it at a moment’s notice via your phone. We could lose all sense of direction because you can install an app that functions as a compass. And now, with the introduction of the iPhone 4S, we don’t even have to do any the searching for those things. We simply ask Siri, “What’s the capital of Iowa?” To which Siri should say, “I’m sorry. I don’t understand what you mean. Iowa doesn’t have a capital.” That’s a veiled Family Ties reference if you’re older than dirt, like me. Go ahead, use your smart phone to look that one up. I dare you.
Not only are smart phones making us dumber, they are allowing us to do dumber things, like texting and driving. Smart phones have turned us into lethal weapons out on the road. Even though it’s illegal, I see people every day in their cars texting while driving. It’s supposed to be bad to even be on a cell phone without a hands free device like a Blue Tooth. But I’ve seen police on cell phones all the time. Hell, I’ve come to a red light and sent off a quick text to a friend about a traffic snafu they may encounter.
Auto Correct not only makes us look like idiots because it sometimes throws in an inappropriate word during a conversation with our parents, it also frees us from having to know how to spell most words.
If you think about how much of our daily lives are impacted by the use of smart phones, it should scare the poop out of you to think about them all going away due to a catastrophic event like a terrorist attack or EMP discharge.
I’m surprised shows like The Walking Dead haven’t made a reference to the fact that cell phones are no longer around. There’s only one child on the show and he’s not a teenager, but think about all of those surviving teens and young adults out there who can’t text their BFF, “OMG, my mom is totally a walker, FML :(“
Of course, I have digital voice for my landline so, if the Internet and cable providers go down, I won’t be able to call for help from my home phone, but at least I don’t have to rely on some whiz-bang-smarty pants phone to tell me what to do in an emergency. I can at least remember that instead of asking Siri what the number for 911 is.
Funny, makes me kind of miss that 100 foot mess of cord that I used to get tangled up in when I was a kid.
As far as mobile phones go, I rock an LG Cosmos provided by Verizon. Prior to that it was the ENV2 which is now a piss poor Game Boy since I couldn’t transfer the games I paid for to my new phone. And, before the ENV2 it was a standard LG flip phone. I don’t even remember the name of it. I didn’t want that first phone. In fact, I lobbied against getting a cell phone. I didn’t need to have one. If I wasn’t home for someone to contact me, it was by design. I was at work, or out and if someone needed to get a hold of me, they would have to wait. It was my wife who made me get a phone. She was worried about me driving to and from work on the back roads of Deer Central, Southwestern PA.
So, I begrudgingly got one and I barely used it for anything but a few calls and mostly pictures. I have a generous plan with a lot of minutes and hardly scratch the surface of those limits. Then, I started texting here and there and eventually had to get a text plan which consists of 250 texts per month at $5.00 per month. I barely reach half of that on a regular basis.
Then, I got a call from Verizon Wireless looking to upgrade me. They wanted to upgrade me to a smart phone, offer data plans, and do all these wonderful things for me. They said all this after they examined my account and saw that I hardly used what I had.
“OK, I see you have an LG Cosmos which came with your plan at no extra charge.”
“Yep.”
“We can upgrade you to one of our whiz-bang-smarty pants-phone made with a space age polymer and smells of strawberries. You can take pictures, text, use the internet, make a cartoon cat repeat everything you say in a cute voice, scan bar codes and find information that you didn’t care about before, search Google, make light saber noises and you can have it for $499 with a rebate of using it for a two year contract which makes it $99.00. Does that interest you?”
“Um, I’ve paid nothing for my phones since I started getting them, so, no.”
“OK, well, I see you use roughly 90 of your 550 minutes plan each month.”
“Yes, that sounds about right.”
“OK, here’s what I can do for you… We can upgrade you to that whiz bang phone that costs $99 and you get 700 anytime minutes for $69.99 for two lines. Does that interest you?”
“Um, no. I hardly call people now.”
“OK, well, let’s take a look at your data usage. You have 250 texts a month for $5.00. Of that, you use roughly 60 a month.”
“Yep, that’s pretty accurate.”
“You also have pay as you go MB usage of which you haven’t even used the Internet from your phone.
“Yeah, I don’t go onto the Internet from my phone.”
“OK, here’s what I can do for you. We can upgrade you to that whiz bang strawberry smelling phone and offer you unlimited texts and 2GB data allowance for $54.99 a month. Does that interest you?”
“Um, no. Look, you can see what I do with my phone now. Pretty much nothing. So, why would I pay more when I don’t do any of those things?”
“OK, understood. Thank you.”
Look, I understand that they are TRYING to sell me something. But, when you look at my account, which they do before they call me and SEE I’m not doing anything worthy of upgrading, there’s really no point in calling me, now is there? But then again, there’s no point in calling people, who are consistently going over their limits and paying a higher rate for the overages, to offer them savings. Because it’s more money in Verizon’s pocket.
Outbound calls are all about attracting new services and businesses, but there needs to be a smarter analysis of your existing customer base or you run the risk of alienating them more when you bother them with services that they clearly don’t even use that much. If you want to get someone into a higher bracket, examine the ones that maybe go over once in a while or come close to that overage. These are people that probably would entertain the idea of upping their plan in order to pay a little more but save a lot in the end. Don’t go after the little fish in the big pond. Go after the fish that is almost too big for his small pond and offer him a bigger pond where he is now the little fish once more.
But, this is why I probably would never make it in big business. I’m too concerned with the customers’ needs and not the shareholders’.
OK, now my rant. I’ve actually go on about some of this before… but that was REALLY doom and gloom stuff. This is a little more sarcastic.
Smart Phones are making us dumber. There was a time when having a mobile phone meant your parents had a rotary phone in the kitchen with a 100 foot tangled mess of cord attached to the handset. You could literally go into the garage and still be on the phone. After the wireless phone came into play, young kids could freely run through the house without the fear of being strangled by the cord that was stretched across the living room doorway.
Then we had pagers which sent us an alert to find a stationary landline to call whoever paged us. Cell phones that freed us up completely to communicate with anyone, anywhere, and at anytime. Eventually, texting became available. Now, we could have conversations without having to speak directly with someone. Email… for your phone. Human interaction became sterilized and devoid of emotion save for the few emoticons that litter the textual landscape of messages. Not content with having to be in front of a computer to surf the web or play games, phones began offering the ability to completely disconnect from reality… sometimes while driving.
We can now exist completely online with no human interaction at all. We can shop, learn, play, and communicate all from a phone. Moreover, there’s no need to even remember anything because our phones have access to the Internet. Phone numbers? That’s in my contacts. Useless facts about movies, sports, and history? You can now unload that from your brain because you can access it at a moment’s notice via your phone. We could lose all sense of direction because you can install an app that functions as a compass. And now, with the introduction of the iPhone 4S, we don’t even have to do any the searching for those things. We simply ask Siri, “What’s the capital of Iowa?” To which Siri should say, “I’m sorry. I don’t understand what you mean. Iowa doesn’t have a capital.” That’s a veiled Family Ties reference if you’re older than dirt, like me. Go ahead, use your smart phone to look that one up. I dare you.
Not only are smart phones making us dumber, they are allowing us to do dumber things, like texting and driving. Smart phones have turned us into lethal weapons out on the road. Even though it’s illegal, I see people every day in their cars texting while driving. It’s supposed to be bad to even be on a cell phone without a hands free device like a Blue Tooth. But I’ve seen police on cell phones all the time. Hell, I’ve come to a red light and sent off a quick text to a friend about a traffic snafu they may encounter.
Auto Correct not only makes us look like idiots because it sometimes throws in an inappropriate word during a conversation with our parents, it also frees us from having to know how to spell most words.
If you think about how much of our daily lives are impacted by the use of smart phones, it should scare the poop out of you to think about them all going away due to a catastrophic event like a terrorist attack or EMP discharge.
I’m surprised shows like The Walking Dead haven’t made a reference to the fact that cell phones are no longer around. There’s only one child on the show and he’s not a teenager, but think about all of those surviving teens and young adults out there who can’t text their BFF, “OMG, my mom is totally a walker, FML :(“
Of course, I have digital voice for my landline so, if the Internet and cable providers go down, I won’t be able to call for help from my home phone, but at least I don’t have to rely on some whiz-bang-smarty pants phone to tell me what to do in an emergency. I can at least remember that instead of asking Siri what the number for 911 is.
Funny, makes me kind of miss that 100 foot mess of cord that I used to get tangled up in when I was a kid.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Medical Billing Makes Me Angry
This has been a ridiculous six months. Honestly, I am so grrr filled that I need a few hundred puppies to kick, STAT!
Back in July, my wife had a doctor's appt. One of them. The kind, us guys, don't talk about. Anyway, there was lab work to be done and I received a bill for $71.50. The next day or so, she had MRIs taken at a hospital that belongs in a different health care system, supported by my medical benefits plan. That bill came to $250.
Now, through my benefits, I have a $250 individual deductible as well as my wife. So, after paying $71.50 to one provider, I should only have to pay the difference, $178.50, right? So, I did that.
About a month later, I got a bill from provider number two, looking for the remaining $71.50. I mailed it back, using their mailer with the words, "Paid $71.50 towards deductible, already. Only owe difference." Then a month went by and I got another bill for $71.50.
Feeling a bit perturbed, I called provider number two and told them why I did not pay the additional amount. They didn't care. I then called my Insurance Provider and they said my deductible was met and that I didn't have to pay it. So, I called back provider number two and told them that and they didn't care. They said that the deductible didn't matter. They insurance provider sets that. I said, "I know. I paid it and they said I wasn't liable for anymore."
So, I hung up on them and called provider number one to figure out how this all got screwed up. They told me that there were no claims against my insurance. I said, "Well, then why did you bill me?" They didn't know. They said that they found the services that were billed and would resubmit that to the insurance provider. I said thank you and called back my insurance company.
They said, "OK. Once we get it, we'll send an adjusted statement of benefits and let provider number two know." I thanked them and put the matter aside.
I got another bill last week.
So, I called back the insurance provider, which I no longer have because my employer decided to go with the lowest bidder for services, and they said no claims were made against my benefits but that my deductible was met. I explained what the service was for, hoping for them to be able to find it and they couldn't. They did, however, say that the particular lab work that was involved was covered under our plan and that my wife should have only had to pay the copay, not another charge.
I then called provider number one back to find out what the hell happened to all this. They couldn't help me other than to say, the account was paid in full. I said, "I know. Why did I have to pay for this? What was this? My insurance provider says that this particular test should have been covered under my plan. I have another provider looking for money because I paid you."
They couldn't tell me. They had to speak to my wife or have her consent. I said, "Why?"
She said, "HIPPA."
"Look, I am the policy holder. It's my wife. I gave you her SSN. What else do you need?"
"Her consent." She said.
"I know it's a damn pap smear!" I said, "Well, then you can hold on for five minutes because I'm currently driving home and she will give you the consent, because I am sure not waiting another 20 minutes to talk to someone."
I got home, my wife gave consent and they told me it was for a pap smear.
They also couldn't help me because the customer service rep's supervisor stepped away from her desk and she would know why I was 1. Billed. 2. Not showing it on my insurance claims.
That was at 2pm. By 4pm I heard no word back. Apparently, the supervisor got lost or because the bill was paid, they don't care.
In any case, if they billed me incorrectly, they need to pay me back so I can pay provider number two. OR They need to submit their damn paperwork properly so this shit doesn't happen again.
This is 2012. How hard is it for the hospitals and insurance to fill this crap out correctly? I mean, if I had paid the $250 bill first, these idiots would be after me for $71.50. Technically, they would be in the right because that service was provided first. However, if they were not supposed to bill me, then everything would be fine and they could kiss my ass.
Why do I have to take time out of my day to investigate their mistakes? Why do I have to call at inopportune times because they only have hours until 4pm? I work until 4pm. If this is what being an informed consumer is like, I'd rather go put my faith in Muck-a-luck the witch doctor and leeches.
Get your shit together and call me back. I'll be sure to put you on hold while I think about all of this.
Back in July, my wife had a doctor's appt. One of them. The kind, us guys, don't talk about. Anyway, there was lab work to be done and I received a bill for $71.50. The next day or so, she had MRIs taken at a hospital that belongs in a different health care system, supported by my medical benefits plan. That bill came to $250.
Now, through my benefits, I have a $250 individual deductible as well as my wife. So, after paying $71.50 to one provider, I should only have to pay the difference, $178.50, right? So, I did that.
About a month later, I got a bill from provider number two, looking for the remaining $71.50. I mailed it back, using their mailer with the words, "Paid $71.50 towards deductible, already. Only owe difference." Then a month went by and I got another bill for $71.50.
Feeling a bit perturbed, I called provider number two and told them why I did not pay the additional amount. They didn't care. I then called my Insurance Provider and they said my deductible was met and that I didn't have to pay it. So, I called back provider number two and told them that and they didn't care. They said that the deductible didn't matter. They insurance provider sets that. I said, "I know. I paid it and they said I wasn't liable for anymore."
So, I hung up on them and called provider number one to figure out how this all got screwed up. They told me that there were no claims against my insurance. I said, "Well, then why did you bill me?" They didn't know. They said that they found the services that were billed and would resubmit that to the insurance provider. I said thank you and called back my insurance company.
They said, "OK. Once we get it, we'll send an adjusted statement of benefits and let provider number two know." I thanked them and put the matter aside.
I got another bill last week.
So, I called back the insurance provider, which I no longer have because my employer decided to go with the lowest bidder for services, and they said no claims were made against my benefits but that my deductible was met. I explained what the service was for, hoping for them to be able to find it and they couldn't. They did, however, say that the particular lab work that was involved was covered under our plan and that my wife should have only had to pay the copay, not another charge.
I then called provider number one back to find out what the hell happened to all this. They couldn't help me other than to say, the account was paid in full. I said, "I know. Why did I have to pay for this? What was this? My insurance provider says that this particular test should have been covered under my plan. I have another provider looking for money because I paid you."
They couldn't tell me. They had to speak to my wife or have her consent. I said, "Why?"
She said, "HIPPA."
"Look, I am the policy holder. It's my wife. I gave you her SSN. What else do you need?"
"Her consent." She said.
"I know it's a damn pap smear!" I said, "Well, then you can hold on for five minutes because I'm currently driving home and she will give you the consent, because I am sure not waiting another 20 minutes to talk to someone."
I got home, my wife gave consent and they told me it was for a pap smear.
They also couldn't help me because the customer service rep's supervisor stepped away from her desk and she would know why I was 1. Billed. 2. Not showing it on my insurance claims.
That was at 2pm. By 4pm I heard no word back. Apparently, the supervisor got lost or because the bill was paid, they don't care.
In any case, if they billed me incorrectly, they need to pay me back so I can pay provider number two. OR They need to submit their damn paperwork properly so this shit doesn't happen again.
This is 2012. How hard is it for the hospitals and insurance to fill this crap out correctly? I mean, if I had paid the $250 bill first, these idiots would be after me for $71.50. Technically, they would be in the right because that service was provided first. However, if they were not supposed to bill me, then everything would be fine and they could kiss my ass.
Why do I have to take time out of my day to investigate their mistakes? Why do I have to call at inopportune times because they only have hours until 4pm? I work until 4pm. If this is what being an informed consumer is like, I'd rather go put my faith in Muck-a-luck the witch doctor and leeches.
Get your shit together and call me back. I'll be sure to put you on hold while I think about all of this.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Caught Without Makeup vs. Know Your Facts Deathmatch in 3D
OK. Let’s take a quick moment for a reality check. I want everyone out there to take and raise their hand up to eye level. Now, looking directly into your palm I want you to take and use as much force as possible to drive that palm into your face. Once the burning and stinging sensation wears off, continue reading.
Feel better? Good.
First off, I am not the greatest looking individual. I’m sort of a cross between Greg Grunberg, Duncan Sheik, and Paul Giamatti’s beard. Now, as much as I am the first to admit that I would not ideally be the first you see in the morning when you roll over in bed, I am confident that I could give a shit what people think about my looks in the long run. And as far as my level of intelligence is concerned, well that’s debatable but I’m pretty sure I could a majority of people’s kiesters in bar trivia or Jeopardy. Still, I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes I need to build a huge backstop on my head for all the crap that flies over it, so that it stops and falls in for absorption.
However, when are people going to realize that everything you see in photos or on the Internet or your local 11:00pm news is spun for sensationalism and attention grabbing from the masses? Unless you are looking at a live feed from everyday life you are never going to be given the entire truth about any given situation. Case in point, those tabloid photos of stars without their makeup.
We’ve all seen them while standing in line to purchase our industrial size tub of Chunky Monkey. Right? [crickets] You’re standing there hoisting up your Dugger Family Size package of bacon and waiting for the cashier to get one of the burly guys from the back to load it back into your cart and you catch The Star or The National Enquirer promoting pictures of the awesomely beautiful and flawless complexion of the hottest celebrities caught without any makeup putting them into the reject pile for submissions to PeopleofWalmart.
Oh my, there’s Angelina Jolie without her hair done or Sofia Vergara without makeup. Oh my, they look like normal people. EEEEK! Get that hand up again.
Nine times out of ten the person that took those pictures handed their editor, or whoever they submit that stuff to, a pile of pictures taken in succession from that few minutes of time. Then the person making the decision will rifle through the selections looking for one that captures the worst possible angle and pose. They could be jogging and everything and out of breath, giving them the appearance of being worn and tired. The person’s head could be cocked in such a way that their skin pulls a bit. Their eyes could be half opened or in mid blink. Their mouth could be just relaxing after a cough. Hell, that picture could be of someone who just sneezed and all of their facial muscles are pulled and twisted. The point is that they are looking for the worst possible image to support their claim. Meanwhile, if you were to see that person a split second later, they look totally fine.
I realize it’s not totally out of the realm of possibility that makeup does account for 50% of the celebrity’s good looks but understand that the media is looking to sell a story, garner readership, and be provocative. They are going to do whatever it takes to make that picture look as bad as possible. In the day and age of waning newspaper subscriptions and competition with Internet News outlets everyone is more than willing to sink to a new low to get a better viewing or ranking.
Don’t believe me? Swing the pendulum the other way and do a search on Magazine Cover PhotoShop Disasters or the like. Remember the hip issue on that cover of W magazine with Demi Moore?
Here’s another pet peeve of mine, the man on the street interview. The Late Night Talk Shows and media outlets do these from time to time to test the common man’s/woman’s knowledge of simple facts. You’ll see this happen whenever those facts get called into question by someone famous or important and should know better. A prime example would be from Super Bowl XLV, where Christina Aguilera flubbed a line or two from the National Anthem. The bigger travesty of that telecast was letting Fergie attempt to sing Axl Rose, but that’s another story.
After the debacle in Dallas, a local news affiliate went out into the street and asked everyday people if they could recite the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner. Surprisingly, we were shown that a majority of people interviewed were unable to correctly sing or speak the lyrics. How long do you think those segments last? 30 seconds? A minute? How much tape do you think they’ve collected on the subject? How many interviews did they do? Chances are they interviewed a hell of a lot more than they showed in the segment. Then the editor gets a hold of the raw footage and weeds out the boring ones or the majority of ones where people got the words right, focusing on the clips that appear funny or sad, from the perspective of national patriotism. Then they splice together something that would be enjoyable or at least somewhat funny and voila, American Idiots on parade.
Do you really think that the American Idol auditions are solely made up of atrociously bad singers for the first few weeks? No. There are probably a bunch of people that had no talent and nothing that made them stand out as a train wreck that never made it on air. It’s not that they were any better but they didn’t play well to attracting an audience on television. After the first season of American Idol the producers probably realized that for every Kelly Clarkson that sucks in viewers for the whole purpose of the show, there could be ten William Hung types that could suck in more potential viewers just for the spectacle of bad singers. Hell, people even audition just to be train wrecks and camp up their performance to try and get some screen time in the hopes they’ll become famous for being so bad.
We are being deceived at every given turn by the media and it’s all for the sake of ratings and rankings. The more we accept the media at face value the more we are able to be lied to about the more important things that occur. Even the more *cough* legitimate *cough* news sources employ these tactics but we think that they’d be above those practices so we believe them with more blind faith. FACEPALM YOURSELF INTO CLARITY AMERICA! Before it’s too late. Now, let's get back to former 80s music stars wrestling while bad CGI monsters take over low budget movies!
Feel better? Good.
First off, I am not the greatest looking individual. I’m sort of a cross between Greg Grunberg, Duncan Sheik, and Paul Giamatti’s beard. Now, as much as I am the first to admit that I would not ideally be the first you see in the morning when you roll over in bed, I am confident that I could give a shit what people think about my looks in the long run. And as far as my level of intelligence is concerned, well that’s debatable but I’m pretty sure I could a majority of people’s kiesters in bar trivia or Jeopardy. Still, I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes I need to build a huge backstop on my head for all the crap that flies over it, so that it stops and falls in for absorption.
However, when are people going to realize that everything you see in photos or on the Internet or your local 11:00pm news is spun for sensationalism and attention grabbing from the masses? Unless you are looking at a live feed from everyday life you are never going to be given the entire truth about any given situation. Case in point, those tabloid photos of stars without their makeup.
We’ve all seen them while standing in line to purchase our industrial size tub of Chunky Monkey. Right? [crickets] You’re standing there hoisting up your Dugger Family Size package of bacon and waiting for the cashier to get one of the burly guys from the back to load it back into your cart and you catch The Star or The National Enquirer promoting pictures of the awesomely beautiful and flawless complexion of the hottest celebrities caught without any makeup putting them into the reject pile for submissions to PeopleofWalmart.
Oh my, there’s Angelina Jolie without her hair done or Sofia Vergara without makeup. Oh my, they look like normal people. EEEEK! Get that hand up again.
Nine times out of ten the person that took those pictures handed their editor, or whoever they submit that stuff to, a pile of pictures taken in succession from that few minutes of time. Then the person making the decision will rifle through the selections looking for one that captures the worst possible angle and pose. They could be jogging and everything and out of breath, giving them the appearance of being worn and tired. The person’s head could be cocked in such a way that their skin pulls a bit. Their eyes could be half opened or in mid blink. Their mouth could be just relaxing after a cough. Hell, that picture could be of someone who just sneezed and all of their facial muscles are pulled and twisted. The point is that they are looking for the worst possible image to support their claim. Meanwhile, if you were to see that person a split second later, they look totally fine.
I realize it’s not totally out of the realm of possibility that makeup does account for 50% of the celebrity’s good looks but understand that the media is looking to sell a story, garner readership, and be provocative. They are going to do whatever it takes to make that picture look as bad as possible. In the day and age of waning newspaper subscriptions and competition with Internet News outlets everyone is more than willing to sink to a new low to get a better viewing or ranking.
Don’t believe me? Swing the pendulum the other way and do a search on Magazine Cover PhotoShop Disasters or the like. Remember the hip issue on that cover of W magazine with Demi Moore?
Here’s another pet peeve of mine, the man on the street interview. The Late Night Talk Shows and media outlets do these from time to time to test the common man’s/woman’s knowledge of simple facts. You’ll see this happen whenever those facts get called into question by someone famous or important and should know better. A prime example would be from Super Bowl XLV, where Christina Aguilera flubbed a line or two from the National Anthem. The bigger travesty of that telecast was letting Fergie attempt to sing Axl Rose, but that’s another story.
After the debacle in Dallas, a local news affiliate went out into the street and asked everyday people if they could recite the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner. Surprisingly, we were shown that a majority of people interviewed were unable to correctly sing or speak the lyrics. How long do you think those segments last? 30 seconds? A minute? How much tape do you think they’ve collected on the subject? How many interviews did they do? Chances are they interviewed a hell of a lot more than they showed in the segment. Then the editor gets a hold of the raw footage and weeds out the boring ones or the majority of ones where people got the words right, focusing on the clips that appear funny or sad, from the perspective of national patriotism. Then they splice together something that would be enjoyable or at least somewhat funny and voila, American Idiots on parade.
Do you really think that the American Idol auditions are solely made up of atrociously bad singers for the first few weeks? No. There are probably a bunch of people that had no talent and nothing that made them stand out as a train wreck that never made it on air. It’s not that they were any better but they didn’t play well to attracting an audience on television. After the first season of American Idol the producers probably realized that for every Kelly Clarkson that sucks in viewers for the whole purpose of the show, there could be ten William Hung types that could suck in more potential viewers just for the spectacle of bad singers. Hell, people even audition just to be train wrecks and camp up their performance to try and get some screen time in the hopes they’ll become famous for being so bad.
We are being deceived at every given turn by the media and it’s all for the sake of ratings and rankings. The more we accept the media at face value the more we are able to be lied to about the more important things that occur. Even the more *cough* legitimate *cough* news sources employ these tactics but we think that they’d be above those practices so we believe them with more blind faith. FACEPALM YOURSELF INTO CLARITY AMERICA! Before it’s too late. Now, let's get back to former 80s music stars wrestling while bad CGI monsters take over low budget movies!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Pulling Out The Daddy Voice
I try to live my life in a peaceful way. I know that goes against the very nature of the adjective directly preceding my moniker, but as it turns out I am a pretty easy going guy. However, the world around me sometimes decides to trip over itself in getting in my way forcing me to use my big scary voice. And believe me, I was an actor and can project to the back row when needed. This weekend, it was needed.
It started out a good weekend. My wife and I went to a Halloween party, while my little one camped out at my parents’ house, giving us a chance to do something other than watch Sprout or clean up toys on a Friday night. My wife was not amused at dressing up like Thing 2 but she went along with it. We returned home after midnight, fully intent on catching up on scary movies and shows that we don’t get to watch with a three year old around, and then crashed. My DVR is hating me right now. It’s hovering around 98% capacity.
That’s OK. I can still get up early on Saturday and enjoy the morning without fear of waking up our child and being forced to watch Green Eggs and Ham for three hours. I slept until ten. We had plenty to do before the evening which included going to the farmers’ market, where my wife works during the fall, getting pumpkins, riding ponies, riding hay wagons, riding each other’s last nerve. You know, the usual. But first, I had to pick up my daughter and my wife’s niece, on the way back from my parents. I told my mom I’d be there around noon and that’s when the world conspired against me.
First off, everyone must have decided to go shopping because I was out and about. My first stop was to the local Target to get a Starbucks for the trip. I rarely treat myself to Starbucks and I decided to go against the grain and order something different. Instead of my usual Caramel Macchiato I got the Toffee Mocha. Blech. That’s what I get for being different. There were just hordes of people in my way and some clueless girl making the drinks. Maybe it was her fault. Not sure. In any case, I remained cool.
Then, off to the turnpike. Traffic was a bear and no matter which direction I took out of the shopping plaza, I ran into a line of cars playing idiot tag at the stop signs and tried to take alternate routes resulting in more traffic at different signs playing dumbass tag. For the life of me, I cannot understand what makes people disregard traffic rules. When you come to a stop sign, you take turns unless someone waves you on first. In both places, I had people totally disregard the stop sign thinking that because they were stopped behind the lead car, that meant that they stopped at the sign as well and tried to sneak out with the leader. But I remained cool.
Out on the turnpike, I cranked it up to just over the speed limit and kept with other cars that were going the same speed. Shhh. Don’t tell the Popo. It was a relatively pain free trip, although I love people that make it a point to pass you, only to slow up when they get in front of you. In any case, I remained cool.
On the main highway towards Connellsville, I realized that I was going to have to get some gas and figured in town would be cheaper. Apparently, everyone left Target and came to this gas station just to try and beat me to the pumps. First off, there was a tanker truck up against the road side of the parking lot, restricting the available room to drive around the pumps. Against the building, every space was full creating a bottle neck on the front of the pumps. And, of course, every pump was being used. I drove around the pumps and came to the tanker side where a guy was nice enough to flag me down. “I’m done. I just have to pay and then you can have this one.” I was thankful and then he went into pay.
Now, common sense would have me think. “There are a lot of people here and not much room to maneuver. Maybe I better pull my car into a parking space and let this guy get his minivan out of the road.”
Apparently, this guy was thinking, “Wow, it’s really busy. I better go and try to quickly pay, even though I can see a line of people inside the store. But leaving my car here should be OK.” He went in and after two minutes he was still not out yet. In any case, I remained… tepid.
As I sat and waited for Mr. Nice Guy to come back, another person came out and moved their car at the neighboring pump. I was able to easily slide in and get my gas on. At this point, I noticed an elderly lady at the entrance of the parking lot, looking around. I knew Nice Guy was eventually coming back and I could see her gas cap on the driver’s side and wanted to do my karmic deed for the day. I tried to wave her over to get in line behind Nice Guy, so that she could get out of the fray and more importantly get out the entrance to the parking lot. Apart from shooting off a flare gun, there was no indication that my flapping arms were getting through to her. I was done pumping now and someone else had made a move into getting in line next to me. Hey, I tried.
After I finished up and was back in my car, Mr. Nice Guy finally came out of the store. Wow. I’m glad I didn’t wait. By now, it was after 12:30 and I was really late. I pulled out of the space and headed for the exit. At this point, a gruesomely huge truck screamed around the front of the pumps and stopped dead. A pretty big bald guy jumped out looking irate. He then proceeded to get into a verbal altercation with the guy at the first pump who I passed on my way in, which means he was there the entire time I was waiting and pumping. Apparently, Truck Guy was pissed at how long it was taking this other guy to pump his gas and move on. Apparently, Truck Guy was equally as brainless as everyone else this day, because he parked his car in the middle of the road between the cars parked in the spaces along the store and the pumps, blocking everyone from getting through, including me. In any case, I remained… a bit perturbed.
As he began his jawing at the other guy, it was increasingly aware that they were going to be awhile. In fact, if they were arguing over the fact that the other guy took so long, causing a back up of cars waiting to get gas, Truck Guy was equally of a douche bag for blocking people from leaving, causing a backup of cars waiting to get out. So, being a bit perturbed, I laid on my horn, hoping that Truck Guy would get a clue. He didn’t. In any case, I didn’t remain… in my car.
Now, pissed, I got of my car and yelled over, “Hey! You guys wanna fight? Fine. Move you damn truck first!” Nothing. They were bumping chests and screaming at each other more. At this point, the Daddy voice came flying out of me. “HEY, ASSHOLE! MOVE! YOUR! TRUCK!”
Somewhere, in a small wooded glen, the echoes of my voice reverberated across the hills. Many peaceful deer, drinking from a brook, suddenly became spooked and started to run away from the sound. The ensuing stampede caused a small, but significant change in atmospheric pressure and which swept across the world, causing wild dogs to cry out in the night, growing restless, longing for some solitary company. A storm ensued, crops flourished and hunger ended. I saved humanity by shouting the word, “ASSHOLE” at the top of my lungs in a gas station parking lot to a guy that easily could snap my neck and toss me aside. I remained… near my car, with the door open.
Truck Guy finally broke his gaze from the other guy and headed back to his truck, throwing up a hand and saying, “You know what, just get back in your car.”
But the Daddy voice has been invoked. The Daddy voice is unable to be turned off once started. I yelled back, “GET BACK IN YOUR TRUCK!” Unfortunately, all of the good in this world that I caused with the word “ASSHOLE” was now undone by the second exchange. Mountains crumbled, waterways spilled over into villages, laying waste to crops. I apologize to those affected by it. We’ll send help.
I got back in my minivan and as Truck Guy passed me looking down into my minivan with his bald scowl he mouthed something. I was just happy to be able to be on my way. Of course, the next ten minutes was filled with reenactments of what happened with additional line readings of what I said with some changes. We all do it. We have a moment of heated exchange and then proceed to replay the events adding things we should have said or done, escalating our side of the exchange to being totally dominant in the event. Meanwhile, that self preserving, coward of an ego, that resides just near my gut and other vital organs was saying, “You idiot, he could have ended you right there.” To which my pride said, “Yeah, but we totally pulled out the Daddy voice and it worked.” Oddly enough, had that been my three year old I had yelled at. I would have caused wide world destruction from continually yelling. For some reason, she is impervious to the Daddy voice.
In any case, I remained… in one piece. A little hoarse but in one piece. Once again, I apologize to the residents of a small unnamed country across the world who will not have crops this year. It was an acceptable risk. Sean Penn is bringing help.
It started out a good weekend. My wife and I went to a Halloween party, while my little one camped out at my parents’ house, giving us a chance to do something other than watch Sprout or clean up toys on a Friday night. My wife was not amused at dressing up like Thing 2 but she went along with it. We returned home after midnight, fully intent on catching up on scary movies and shows that we don’t get to watch with a three year old around, and then crashed. My DVR is hating me right now. It’s hovering around 98% capacity.
That’s OK. I can still get up early on Saturday and enjoy the morning without fear of waking up our child and being forced to watch Green Eggs and Ham for three hours. I slept until ten. We had plenty to do before the evening which included going to the farmers’ market, where my wife works during the fall, getting pumpkins, riding ponies, riding hay wagons, riding each other’s last nerve. You know, the usual. But first, I had to pick up my daughter and my wife’s niece, on the way back from my parents. I told my mom I’d be there around noon and that’s when the world conspired against me.
First off, everyone must have decided to go shopping because I was out and about. My first stop was to the local Target to get a Starbucks for the trip. I rarely treat myself to Starbucks and I decided to go against the grain and order something different. Instead of my usual Caramel Macchiato I got the Toffee Mocha. Blech. That’s what I get for being different. There were just hordes of people in my way and some clueless girl making the drinks. Maybe it was her fault. Not sure. In any case, I remained cool.
Then, off to the turnpike. Traffic was a bear and no matter which direction I took out of the shopping plaza, I ran into a line of cars playing idiot tag at the stop signs and tried to take alternate routes resulting in more traffic at different signs playing dumbass tag. For the life of me, I cannot understand what makes people disregard traffic rules. When you come to a stop sign, you take turns unless someone waves you on first. In both places, I had people totally disregard the stop sign thinking that because they were stopped behind the lead car, that meant that they stopped at the sign as well and tried to sneak out with the leader. But I remained cool.
Out on the turnpike, I cranked it up to just over the speed limit and kept with other cars that were going the same speed. Shhh. Don’t tell the Popo. It was a relatively pain free trip, although I love people that make it a point to pass you, only to slow up when they get in front of you. In any case, I remained cool.
On the main highway towards Connellsville, I realized that I was going to have to get some gas and figured in town would be cheaper. Apparently, everyone left Target and came to this gas station just to try and beat me to the pumps. First off, there was a tanker truck up against the road side of the parking lot, restricting the available room to drive around the pumps. Against the building, every space was full creating a bottle neck on the front of the pumps. And, of course, every pump was being used. I drove around the pumps and came to the tanker side where a guy was nice enough to flag me down. “I’m done. I just have to pay and then you can have this one.” I was thankful and then he went into pay.
Now, common sense would have me think. “There are a lot of people here and not much room to maneuver. Maybe I better pull my car into a parking space and let this guy get his minivan out of the road.”
Apparently, this guy was thinking, “Wow, it’s really busy. I better go and try to quickly pay, even though I can see a line of people inside the store. But leaving my car here should be OK.” He went in and after two minutes he was still not out yet. In any case, I remained… tepid.
As I sat and waited for Mr. Nice Guy to come back, another person came out and moved their car at the neighboring pump. I was able to easily slide in and get my gas on. At this point, I noticed an elderly lady at the entrance of the parking lot, looking around. I knew Nice Guy was eventually coming back and I could see her gas cap on the driver’s side and wanted to do my karmic deed for the day. I tried to wave her over to get in line behind Nice Guy, so that she could get out of the fray and more importantly get out the entrance to the parking lot. Apart from shooting off a flare gun, there was no indication that my flapping arms were getting through to her. I was done pumping now and someone else had made a move into getting in line next to me. Hey, I tried.
After I finished up and was back in my car, Mr. Nice Guy finally came out of the store. Wow. I’m glad I didn’t wait. By now, it was after 12:30 and I was really late. I pulled out of the space and headed for the exit. At this point, a gruesomely huge truck screamed around the front of the pumps and stopped dead. A pretty big bald guy jumped out looking irate. He then proceeded to get into a verbal altercation with the guy at the first pump who I passed on my way in, which means he was there the entire time I was waiting and pumping. Apparently, Truck Guy was pissed at how long it was taking this other guy to pump his gas and move on. Apparently, Truck Guy was equally as brainless as everyone else this day, because he parked his car in the middle of the road between the cars parked in the spaces along the store and the pumps, blocking everyone from getting through, including me. In any case, I remained… a bit perturbed.
As he began his jawing at the other guy, it was increasingly aware that they were going to be awhile. In fact, if they were arguing over the fact that the other guy took so long, causing a back up of cars waiting to get gas, Truck Guy was equally of a douche bag for blocking people from leaving, causing a backup of cars waiting to get out. So, being a bit perturbed, I laid on my horn, hoping that Truck Guy would get a clue. He didn’t. In any case, I didn’t remain… in my car.
Now, pissed, I got of my car and yelled over, “Hey! You guys wanna fight? Fine. Move you damn truck first!” Nothing. They were bumping chests and screaming at each other more. At this point, the Daddy voice came flying out of me. “HEY, ASSHOLE! MOVE! YOUR! TRUCK!”
Somewhere, in a small wooded glen, the echoes of my voice reverberated across the hills. Many peaceful deer, drinking from a brook, suddenly became spooked and started to run away from the sound. The ensuing stampede caused a small, but significant change in atmospheric pressure and which swept across the world, causing wild dogs to cry out in the night, growing restless, longing for some solitary company. A storm ensued, crops flourished and hunger ended. I saved humanity by shouting the word, “ASSHOLE” at the top of my lungs in a gas station parking lot to a guy that easily could snap my neck and toss me aside. I remained… near my car, with the door open.
Truck Guy finally broke his gaze from the other guy and headed back to his truck, throwing up a hand and saying, “You know what, just get back in your car.”
But the Daddy voice has been invoked. The Daddy voice is unable to be turned off once started. I yelled back, “GET BACK IN YOUR TRUCK!” Unfortunately, all of the good in this world that I caused with the word “ASSHOLE” was now undone by the second exchange. Mountains crumbled, waterways spilled over into villages, laying waste to crops. I apologize to those affected by it. We’ll send help.
I got back in my minivan and as Truck Guy passed me looking down into my minivan with his bald scowl he mouthed something. I was just happy to be able to be on my way. Of course, the next ten minutes was filled with reenactments of what happened with additional line readings of what I said with some changes. We all do it. We have a moment of heated exchange and then proceed to replay the events adding things we should have said or done, escalating our side of the exchange to being totally dominant in the event. Meanwhile, that self preserving, coward of an ego, that resides just near my gut and other vital organs was saying, “You idiot, he could have ended you right there.” To which my pride said, “Yeah, but we totally pulled out the Daddy voice and it worked.” Oddly enough, had that been my three year old I had yelled at. I would have caused wide world destruction from continually yelling. For some reason, she is impervious to the Daddy voice.
In any case, I remained… in one piece. A little hoarse but in one piece. Once again, I apologize to the residents of a small unnamed country across the world who will not have crops this year. It was an acceptable risk. Sean Penn is bringing help.
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