Deflated Punishment: Why It Doesn't Matter If Brady Did It

Deflategate.  Interesting that the Wells Report came back with a wonderful non-answer answer about the probability that the Patriots, no wait, Tom Brady is culpable for deflating footballs below regulation air pressure prior to the AFC Championship game against The Indianapolis Colts.  But, even with this not so new information that Brady and two underlings are probably guilty of the act, months after the incident, talking heads will still devote hours to drive time radio analysis of one of the more humorous discussions about balls.

In the end, what does it matter?  Brady and Belichick played through and beat the Colts 45-7 with or without underinflated balls.  Brady and Belichick went on to defeat the Seattle Seahawks 28-24.  Brady and Belichick have four championships.  Brady has Giselle.  Brady poops rainbows and cries dollar bills.   WHO CARES?!?!?

I guess Steelers’ fans do.   They get to play New England to kick off the 2015 season.  They get to play it in Foxborough.  They get to play it without their star Running Back, Le'Veon Bell, who was arrested for marijuana possession, with New England’s LeGarrette Blount during preseason.  (LeGarrette Blount is suspended for the game, too, but he gets to sit at home with his Super Bowl ring to keep him company.)   So, add all that together and sprinkle in the spectre of not being able to beat the Patriots during the post season and you get a tonic of vitriol and ire from Pittsburgh.

But, again, it doesn’t matter what happens to Brady and Belichick in light of the report because any punishment is moot.

“He could be fined.”  

So, what?  I’m sure he’ll be broke in a week, no longer able to wipe his tears with $100 bills or cry softly into Giselle’s bosom.

“He could be suspended for the opener.” 

Ooooh, except it’s the opener and not even against a division rival. 

“His legacy could be tarnished.”

I’m sure he’ll wring his hands with all four Super Bowl rings clacking like crazy.

“The Patriots could lose a draft pick.”

A: Kraft and Belichick were found not "probably" guilty.

B: Draft picks do not equate loss of good players… especially when you pick LAST!

If there were to be a punishment for the Patriots for directly affecting the outcome of a game, regardless of how well they would have done without cheating, it would have been for the next game, The Super Bowl.  Seattle almost beat New England, despite Tom Brady.  An interception at the goal line tanked their chances of overcoming the odds and beating the Pats.   And, quite frankly, it would have been a better story had the Patriots beat Seattle without their golden boy at QB.   That would have at least put to rest some of the controversy surrounding this team’s mounting questionable winning strategy.  After all, this is at least the second time the Patriots have been called on the carpet for cheating.  Remember Spygate?  Barely anyone outside of Pittsburgh does.   Spygate resulted in a $250,000 fine and loss of their first round pick… which was 31^st since they lost to the Giants in the Super Bowl.   Surely, they were impacted as they missed out on drafting such greats.  Then again, they could have had Ray Rice in their ranks to compliment Aaron Hernandez.   In the end, they still won their division six out of the next seven years.

Again, my point is, it does nothing for credibility and accountability to suspend Brady the first game of the season or any other punishment.   Look at this perspective.

In 1992, at the age of 17, I had a part time job delivering newspapers.  I made maybe $20 a week delivering 54 papers, six days a week.  My friends and I spent our hard earned money on tickets to a concert.  It would have been my first live concert, ever.   Tickets were a whopping $24.95.   Not sure if that’s the going rate for concerts or the going rate for Def Leppard in 1992.  In any case, it was a week and quarter of pay. 

However, right around Halloween, my friends and I decided to be jackasses and go on a pumpkin smashing and egging tour of the neighborhood.  Well, we managed to egg the one house that everybody egged and they were tired of it.  They chased my friend’s Chevy S-10 until they got the plate and turned us in to the police.   The next weekend, my parents received a call from the police.  My friend had already given all of us up.  I was grounded.   The weekend before the concert and I was grounded.   I pleaded with my parents that I would accept my being grounded but that I had spent $25 of my own money on a concert.  It didn’t matter.  I missed the concert, I was out $25, and I learned a lesson.

Now, how much of a teachable moment would it have been had my parents said, “OK, you did something wrong and you will be punished.  How about a week night in the middle of next January when you have absolutely nothing important or fun going on?”

That’s what suspending Brady is.  It is a hollow action by a hollow commissioner that gets paid for making the owners money, and the owners make money when their top performers are playing in games like the Super Bowl.  Jerseys and ticket sales and concessions and fans with their butts in the seats put money in the pockets of the Kraft’s and that’s what a commissioner does, gets the owners money.  It doesn’t matter what is right, what is moral, or what is a good example for fans.  They don’t care because they’re addicted to the product the NFL is selling.

If you want to make a point suspend Brady for the first game... of the playoffs.

Granted, they can’t be assured a playoff spot, but when you plan on suspending him for a pointless game, anyways, what does it matter if it’s a "maybe" game?  That not only punishes Brady, but it punishes the organization if they fail to win.  Maybe, playing with a suitable handicap is better than a slap on the wrist.  

And just maybe, the real threat of punishment would start to make the rest of the players and teams realize that on Any Given Sunday… they might just be stuck home watching, like I was, while Def Leppard was playing.  I was a little poorer, but I survived.   Now where's my copy of Hysteria?


FOOTNOTE:
I probably won't be watching this season as I didn't last year.  It's not that I don't love the Steelers anymore, it's that I refuse to give any more time of my life to this league and this commissioner.  Goodell may be the most profitable commissioner of them all, but he's corrupt, cares only about the money, and has turned this sport into entertainment, like wrestling.

Sitting In Judgment Over Domestic Violence and The Media

I admit it.  I have played that card before.  Back in 2009 and 2011, I put Chris Brown on my D-Bag of the year awards list.  I judged him in the whole Rhianna thing because I was a spectator to a TMZ/CNN/E/Social Media deluge of opinion and edited content to garner ratings.   And now, even though my posting has become lax and two months gone, I am not going to bring up the current issue except to say this.

We need to stop sitting in judgment of the celebrity.  We need to stop sitting in judgment of the victims.  We need to address the issue.

The issue is this.  Domestic Violence is a thing.  Abuse is a thing.   And instead of going after the perpetrators and victims we need to tackle the issue.  Taking to Twitter, Facebook, and yes… blogs, to call out someone for hitting another person or for someone staying with someone who hit them does not help the matter.  All it does is create a cycle of pressure and tension for those involved leading to more stress.  Now, I say that in a PC way because I am trying to be objective.   In short… So and so does not need you defending or bashing them on Social Media.  You aren’t taking away the act.  You are creating a perpetual cycle of Ground Hog Day in that person’s life.  That’s not to say the abuser doesn’t deserve the criticism or constant reminder of their crime, but the victim doesn’t either.

Here is a short list of points.  And of course, I make a generalized disclaimer because I am not an expert or in law enforcement.

1. STOP calling attention to the people involved.
   Whether it is Ray Rice or Janay Palmer or Rhianna or Chris Brown, using their names to push your social media agenda is not a call to attention to end domestic abuse or a shaming tactic.  It just creates more sensation and publicity and keeps the wrong people in the spot light.  If you must… hashtag the crime.  Or, better yet, don’t hashtag.  Don’t Tweet.  Don’t Retweet.  I know, I posted to Facebook about how the “availability” of a certain tape becoming known led to the suspension and that had it not, the release of the player would not have happened.  I was more about calling out the NFL’s “too little, too late actions”.  Still, it was probably wrong to do so.
    
2. STOP assuming.
   We saw an incident.  ONE.  One time.  We have no idea what was said in that argument.  I am neither condoning nor judging the persons involved.  That one single event should be enough to have charges and an investigation brought about.  And both were arrested at the time.   It’s also up to authorities and those with the knowledge and training to conduct it.  Not bloggers, talking heads, or Monday morning experts to decide.  “Well, her response clearly comes from someone who has a history of being abused.”  We don’t know that.   There could be extenuating circumstances that led to that incident and she could be just as capable for provoking or causing an incident as much as being in an abusive relationship.  We just don’t know.
   
   What we do know is that from the tape, an altercation happened outside of the elevator where the victim attempted to strike the accused.   Then, once inside the elevator, we saw it escalate and that he knocked her out.    We don’t know what was said.  We don’t know what happened before they came into view of the security cam.  That doesn’t mean it isn’t the case.  Everything on that tape, that the 24 hour news media looped endlessly and unrelenting in search of ratings, is pretty much how it was described by him.   We all knew what happened.  We just don’t know why.  ABC’s “What Would You Do” ran a segment where they showed a couple in an argument that was framed to look like abuse.  They filmed it from two perspectives.  One was a man clearly strong arming and demeaning a woman.  The other was from the point of the woman being the aggressor.  Most people look at men as the bigger, stronger person and it was almost humorous to see him getting chewed out by a woman.  “Aww, look at the pussy.”  That’s just an opinion of what some onlooker might have thought.   But we don’t know what happens in a relationship because we aren’t privy to the stuff that happens off camera, out of frame, or behind closed doors.   After all, people reacted to what they thought was an altercation between a couple.  In reality, it was two actors playing out a scene for reaction.
   
   The media often clips, edits, and crafts a story to scintillate.  Make the accuser look worse.  Make the victim look less blameless.  Make the police… ALL THE POLICE IN ALL THE COUNTRY look like power abusive trigger happy assholes.  Look at the recent case in Ferguson.  Only the act was shown, not the before.  People were quick to judge based on what they assumed happened.   “Large African American man suspected of robbing a store.”   When it wasn’t the store owner that called the police, it was a spectator, assuming that’s what happened.  Assumptions truly do harm.   Unless you have all the facts, you can only work with the conditions present and the current act as it happens.  Speculating on whether or not someone standing beside their abuser is in denial or just stupid doesn’t help the issue.  It perpetuates the cycle of gossip and sensationalism that gets people hurt further.
    
3. STOP blaming.
   “She’s stupid for marrying him.”  “How could she stay with him?”  All of that does nothing but show how ignorant you are of what it is truly like to be in an abusive relationship.   Again, in reference to Chris Brown and Rhianna , I did it, too.  I said it.  I learned.    People… and I say people because both men AND women are perpetrators of abuse as well as victims are capable of abusing another and should not.  And it doesn’t always have to be physical abuse.  Someone can verbally or emotionally abuse you and it’s just as wrong.  They may abuse you into thinking that you leaving them is a horrible idea, because “you will never do better” or “you are not good enough to be with someone else”.  “No one, but me, would have you.”  “You’re just a drama queen and want attention.”  This is problem.  People in abusive relationships don’t always have an exit strategy.  For some, religion plays a role in their trying to divorce.  Church elders may say that the good Christian thing to do is to work it out.  Not blaming the church or religion, but there is still a long way to go in this world before we understand the nature of people vs. the infallibility of faith.  Sometimes, you just need to leave.   The best thing the church, a family member, or an administrative group could do is get you the proper help instead of offering hollow advice from a place of ignorance. 
   
   Point is the victim isn’t stupid.  The victim is most likely scared.  There are a million things going on.  “If I leave, they will find me.  Instead of one punch, it’ll be five.”  Worse yet, there may be a child involved.  People who abuse aren’t just strong or physical.  They can be smart.  They can paranoid.  They may go to great lengths to make sure you don’t have an exit strategy.   Sometimes, because of the level of abuse, they may isolate you from the tools and knowledge that can allow you to understand how to fight back.  It’s not being stupid, it’s being controlled.  It’s being brainwashed.  It’s being forced to live a life of submission where you don’t always understand that it is wrong to be treated like that.  They can make you think you deserve it.
   
   
4. STOP talking about the wrong people.
   Am I disgusted with the NFL for getting caught with their pants down?  Yes.  Am I going to stop watching football because of it?  No.  Why?  Because even though there is probably a statistical correlation between violence in sports, pressure to perform, abuse of mood altering performance enhancing drugs, concussions, brain injury, and violence outside of the workplace due to trauma and behavioral issues from all the above, one incident does not make the sport all bad.
   
   Do I want Roger Goodell gone?  Sure, for my own reasons.  Unfortunately, he has most likely made the NFL more profitable than any other commissioner.  He is very good at his job, first and foremost, as a generator of profit and revenue.  Does he display poor judgment in character issues and dealing with problems? Maybe.  But he isn’t going anywhere.
   
   Do the Ravens suck?  What do you think?  I am from Pittsburgh  :)  
   
   Again, we talk about the wrong people.   We shouldn’t be talking about people or corporations at all, let alone one that generated some $6 billion+ in revenue, but they are non-profit.  Go figure. 
    
5. START talking with your loved ones, children, etc. about what’s right and wrong.
   We should be talking about abuse and domestic violence and violence against women AND MEN.  How woman and men can perpetuate violence against each other.  How it is never right to hit anyone for any reason unless you are in danger, yourself.  Defense, never offense.  Also, teaching our children the value of their own life as well as others.  How they aren’t to blame for abuse.  How they are special and worthy and how they should be treated AND HOW THEY SHOULD TREAT OTHERS.   The only way you can stop the cycle is to keep it from happening.  Let it bred out in future generations.  For every policy or rule that the NFL puts into place to weed out the bad element, there are how many bad elements just going someone else.  Their zero tolerance just means zero problems they have to deal with.  If not them, it’ll be the arena league or CFL or whatever.  Saying, “Not in our house”, doesn’t stop the abuse, it just shifts it somewhere else.  We need to be the ones to not tolerate it in our own lives.  It’s not the job of the NFL to keep abuse from happening, it’s ours.  As a parent, as a teacher, as a mentor, as a parent, and even a child, it is up to us to decide.  No more.

National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7223)
TTY: (800) 787-­3244
http://www.thehotline.org/

Links from The Administration for Children and Families
at The Dept of Health and Human Services

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/blog/category/domestic-violence

A Letter To My Daughter For When She's Old Enough To Date

I am writing this in protest because you will never be allowed to date.  But I know you will, so I better at least acknowledge it.

When I was younger and thought about the eventuality of having kids, I always wanted a son.  I know that's a really bad outlook.  It's just that I didn't understand girls.  I still don't.  I just figured it would be easier, ya know.

And even while you were still unborn and camera shy at the sonograms, I thought, "Maybe it will be a boy.  You never know."  I'd drive around in the car and have these philosophical discussions, with an empty backseat where you'd one day be, dispensing all my worldly knowledge about whatever it is I'm supposed to know at my age.  Guess what?  It isn't much.  When I say "I don't know" to you, I really don't know the answers.

But, when you were actually born and I held you, knowing full well you were a girl, I died that day.  I died and in the ashes was a rebirth of a man.  And this man was a father of a beautiful baby girl and he was never more in love with any creature on this Earth than you.  My heart hurt so much with love that I couldn't breathe.  And I was scared, too.  What the hell was I going to do with a girl, turn her over and say, "Yep, she's yours... figure out, other woman"?  Was I going to lock you up from the world and hope that a boy wouldn't dare take one step onto our lawn?

No, I couldn't do any of that because I wasn't always going to be able to.   My biggest problem in life is that I've tried to just solve the issues in our lives and not actually let someone figure them out themselves.   Instead of giving a general idea of what needs to be done, it was just easier for me to say, "Just give it here."  I can't be the answer for everything, so you need to know how to take care of yourself.  That's why I am so damn hard on you all the time.  That's why I constantly say take a hands off approach and try to let you figure certain things out.  Turns out, it works to a fault.  You're smarter than me and can do more than I ever could at your age and it gets you into trouble when you shouldn't attempt certain things.

So, in about a decade, you're going to attempt something else that I can't control or figure out.  Dating.

It's something I never could do right, then, and I still can't, now.  It's probably why I didn't do it that often, when I was a teen, and pretty much gave up on trying to figure it out when I got out of college.

In that way, I can't give you advice on how to date or how to find love.  That's something else you'll have to figure out on your own, and with any luck, you'll be better at than I was.  I pretty much know you will be, so no worries.

But, what I will say to you is something someone once told me about this kind of thing.

Be in something extraordinary.  Don't settle.  If they're not the best person for you, then you shouldn't be with them.  But remember this, too.  Guys don't know anything more than you do.  So, you have to be careful, but you also have to be better.

Now, I've made it as a personal mission to make sure you don't grow up just being a girl.  If you choose the tea parties and princesses route, I won't love you any less.  But, I know you, and you're rough and tumble just as much as you are tiaras and tutus.  I've hated how gender biased toys are in this world and you can be a scientist or a beauty queen with equal chance for success.  But what you need to realize is that with boys, we are pretty much stupid.  We need things spelled out for us but don't think we don't like you because we don't say it.  Sometimes we're just afraid you'll laugh at us.  So, give us a chance to show you before you break our hearts.

Also, don't let a boy hold the door for you, if he wouldn't do it for anyone else who isn't a girl.  Don't let him pick up the check if it means that much to pay your own way.  But talk about it.  Let him know why you would rather him not, if you so choose.  Then, let him pay anyway, just so he knows it's not an invitation for anything else.  You're not obligated to do anything.  You are far too independent to be coddled and even though chivalry is a nice concept, you are certainly no one's damsel in distress.

Definitely don't let a guy treat you badly and don't ever accept that you deserve it.  Just as you should never treat a guy that way.  As I have tried to raise you to be just as equal in strength and character as a boy, they are just as sensitive and vulnerable as girls.  But there are some men AND WOMEN out there that feel that people should be treated a certain way for whatever reason and it's not right.  You will never happiness at the receiving end of a harsh word or fist.  Also realize that it works both ways, too.

Be clear with a boy, because chances are more of them are going to fall madly in love with you than you will with them.  If you're not into them, let them know up front.  Be decent enough to explain that you don't feel that way.  Believe me, it will be a lot easier on the both of you let him down easy and early.   If not, he might shower you with praise and affection until you want to crawl out of your skin and he won't understand why it's not working.  Worse yet, he might overstep boundaries because he felt you were a tease.  I just don't have the money to bail you out of jail when you kick his ass for stepping over the line.

If you like a boy, and there's a chance he likes you, tell him.  Don't play games.  Don't make him pass tests and try to figure out his intentions.  The worst thing that ever happened by telling someone how you feel was for them to not return the sentiment.  No harm. No foul.  It's embarrassing and will probably hurt for a bit, but being honest is better and you might find it works a lot more.

Oh, boy... when it comes to um... being intimate....OK, man, pull it together, respect yourself.  I cannot stop you from having physical needs and I just hope you are safe and healthy about it.  Don't ever, EVER, think that you will make someone love you more because you give into them physically.  If you are not ready, then you are not ready.  And, don't pressure them because you think that they need to show you how they feel by being intimate.   And this will probably get me in trouble because, well, I'm a guy and it's still different, but you can say no at any time and it's not wrong to do so.  Any man worth your time will immediately understand and comply.

However, understand that even though you have every right to say no, that word may fall on deaf ears.  It's not you, it's them.  You should never be ashamed for being who you are, but sometimes, people are assholes and usually, it's someone you trust.  Don't ever forget that no matter how strong you are, there is always someone stronger.  I will never blame you for something happening, but you cannot expect everyone to be the best possible person in every scenario.  That being said, I will go Liam Nesson on their ass.  Just understand that you have a power that isn't fully quite understandable by you or others who are interested in you.

And eventually, you will probably find yourself with someone you love enough to want to marry.  For all that is decent and holy, let's not have a huge wedding.  I mean if you really want one I will do whatever I can to give it to you but realize that your wedding day is never for you.  It's always for other people.  It's for a DJ or band to be heard.  It's for a photographer to add to their portfolio.  It's for a caterer to drum up business.  It's for family and friends to share in your day or get free food and drink at the cost of a crock pot.   If you want a day for you, do whatever it is that makes you happy.  And that means finding someone who makes you happy, too.

Find someone who you will never get tired of in life.  Find someone who surprises you every day with something new and unexpected.  Find someone who will fight with you as much as for you.  Find someone who isn't afraid to cry because you hurt them or astound them.  Find someone who makes your heart break just like you broke mine on that very first day.  Find someone who pushes you to be better and will be better because of you.  Find someone you can talk to about anything.  Find someone that doesn't just like everything you like but likes their own things and appreciates that you like yours.  And be the same way.  You don't have to adopt every little thing they love, just love them for loving it.

And for all the love in the world, find someone you love as they are, not as you want them to be.  Don't try and change someone.  Don't try and save someone.   Find the man you want, not the man you need.  Because, quite frankly, you don't need a man.  You need a partner.  You need a teammate.  You need an anchor.  You want a love.  You want a family.  You want someone to complete you.   You want to find someone that even when they are at their worst, they are still better than everyone else.  You want someone that even when the world falls apart, they will be right there with you and you'll both save each other.  You want someone extraordinary.  You want someone better than me.  You need that, too.  But, no matter who you pick, they are the lucky one.  Because you picked me once and I am the luckiest man on Earth and I will always love you no matter who you love: man, woman, or whatever.

Just do it all after I'm dead.  OK?  Because the day you come home and tell me you're in love, it will probably kill me. 

I love you sweetie.

 

Mess With My Kids And...

Trawl around Facebook for any given length of time and you’ll undoubtedly see a lot of inspirational images with words emblazoned across a magnificent background, denoting how you should live, love, or leave those around you.  You also see ecards about wine and aging, but that’s beside the point.

A lot of times you see quotes about parenting.  You see pictures of parents doing it right, and you see a lot of pictures of parents doing it wrong or worse yet, missing children.  Then you see fifteen comments about how awful people can be, followed by one link to Snopes where you find out it’s all fake.

In any case, I’ve taken a different approach.    As it is, my kid is out of control.  I mean that in a good way.  She’s way too intuitive, but unrefined.   She said yesterday that she didn’t want to start first grade.  She was smart enough.  “You already told me I’m too smart for my own good.”

It’s only going to get worse, people.

Here would be my ecard/memes/etc.

Away Alone

It’s that time again, the time when they shut down half of the streets in Oakland while yellow laundry carts crisscross the campus, stuffed to the gills with lava lamps, microwaves, and refrigerators.

Mothers will weep as they say goodbye to their little birds leaving the nest.   Yet, Fathers will dispense words of wisdom to their sons about responsibility and adulthood, all while noticing the crop of young coed girls.   Moms will sigh, Dads will say, “Sick em, boy!”  And thus the cycle begins, again.  Those clean cut kids from suburbia will turn into tattoo getting, bong toking, mistake making animals, all the while surviving solely on Rum, Ramen, and Red Bull.

However, research says that the average college student isn’t having any more sex than the ones from 25 years ago.  Really?  Maybe not, unless they just aren’t admitting to it.  I’d venture to say they are, or at least they are redefining what the definition is and who it is with these days.  I'm sure patrols are still set up in the quad to take note of all those participating in the Walk of Shame 5K.

Now, before parents go completely bonkers over this kind of thing, you have to understand, college is uncharted territory.  Remember that scene in Home Alone?

That’s what it’s like.  You go from a sheltered environment to complete and utter freedom.  No one is there to make sure you get up, go to class, do your homework, or take care of yourself.   You step onto that campus and 7 years of suppressed primal freedom just explodes.  You lose your composure.  There’s vice everywhere and no authoritative body to say no, outside of campus police.  Kids are basically kicked out of the nest into the real world and expected to make the right decision.  And even if you are the best parent in the world, expect there to be some bad choices made.  And also realize, that it’s OK. 

Your kids will be fine.  They are going to have to go through this, eventually.  Would you rather them have that moment in the real world, when they are completely on their own, with no parachute, or benefits?

Even adults have these moments.  I was left alone to my devices last weekend and for two days, I managed to eat at Sheetz twice for lunch.  I did, however, do some work around the house, cut the grass, and kept the place from catching fire, so win!