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Monday, November 8, 2010

Parking Lot Dickery Two: Pull Through Boogaloo

In this second segment on Parking Lot Dickery, I relate the frustration of shopping.  I also get a little help from my wife to complete the act of dickery.   Here we go.

Friday night, my wife and I decided to go out for Chinese food.  The restaurant is located in the same shopping plaza as the Giant Eagle I’ve had issues with in the past.   After dinner, we needed to grab some items at said Giant Eagle for dinner on Sunday.  We pulled into a parking lot space with three empty spaces facing us, with us in the middle.   This is great for a pull through exit strategy.

After shopping, we returned to the vehicle and my wife took care of getting our daughter buckled in while I loaded groceries. Once I emptied the cart, I returned it to the shopping cart return stall, two spaces over. I made it a point to hurry up as I wanted to do a pull through in the parking lot.

As soon as my hands left the cart and I turned to go back to the van I noticed a guy coming down the row. Immediately, I knew what was about to happen. Remember, there were three empty spaces facing us and I was in the middle of them. This guy pulls right into the empty space, facing us. I said, out loud, “You’ve got to be kidding me?”

After getting back into the car, my wife said she heard me outside. As I grumbled over the decision to back out, she said, “Just wait. Get your phone out and act like you’re taking a call.” I looked at her and saw the determination in her eyes. She knew this guy was waiting for us to leave so that he could pull across into our space, completing a pull through park. This is why I love my wife. She can be a bigger dick than me.

For those of you not familiar with any of these concepts I’ll briefly elaborate.
A Pull Through = The act of crossing from your parking space into the opposite facing empty space in a parking lot in order to leave without having to back up into your row, risking being hit by someone not paying attention as they drive.

A Pull Through Park = is the act of entering into a parking space and then immediately crossing over into the opposite facing empty space in a parking lot to use it as a parking place, allowing you to leave front first.

I usually do not do a Pull Through Park because I use the hatch or trunk for my groceries. I will only do it if I am running in for a couple of items.
Ok, back to the story.

Now, it’s the waiting game. Is this guy going to sit there and wait for me to leave so he can take my space or will I be able to outlast him, talking to my wife while holding my cell phone. I have groceries in the car, a three year old in the back, and Chinese food from dinner sitting in take out boxes slowly permeating the car with Chinese food smell.

Two minutes go by and this guy is still sitting there. I look at my wife, still talking into my cell phone. “Are you sure you want to do this?” “Oh yes, it’s on. It’s on like Donkey Kong. This guy screwed up my pull through. He only wanted our space, the bastard.” I laughed at her determination, her spirit. Then she began talking out loud in the car in the direction of the guy across from us. “That’s right pal. I’ve already done my shopping. I can sit her all night. Hell, I got leftover food in her if I get hungry. There’s a bathroom right inside and I got groceries if I run out of food. You ain’t outlasting me.”

Another couple minutes went by and the guy made a “Hmph” face, rolled his head and got out of his car. We had won. We backed out of our space and headed towards the end of the row, facing the store. As we drove, I told her I loved her and that what we did was a great form of dickery. She laughed and continued to go on about how that guy wasn’t getting our space. There were two empty spaces, including the one between us and the cart return stall. He could have parked there and pulled through, but he chose to face us and wait it out. He just wasted six minutes of his life on us. For us, it was a Friday night and we had no plans other than go home, give our daughter a bath and just relax.

The only downside to this entire operation was the unfortunate event that occurred as we passed the guy on his way into the store. As we passed him, the words “He was a dickhead,” came from inside the car. Now, because we have a very impressionable youngster who tends to repeat what she hears, we try to curb our language around her. The fact that I had used the word dickery and my wife had said bastard were minimal offenses but still not the greatest of efforts to censor ourselves. The fact that this phrase came out was purely unintentional on our part. Fortunately, the windows were up, shielding us from being heard. Unfortunately, it was neither my wife nor I that uttered the phrase, “He was a dickhead.” It was that impressionable three old in the back, proving, once again, that she is all together to smart for her own good and adept at using swear words in the proper context.   How can you punish that?

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