Got Mongo? Feed On This!"
Become a fan of the STORE on Facebook. Click here.
Become a fan of the BLOG on Facebook. Click Here

Thursday, December 23, 2010

2010 D-Bag Awards Round Three: Reality D-Bags

Up next is the d-bags from reality television, the ultimate sign of the fall of Western Civilization. Some of these folks aren’t talented enough to have a real career or their lives are ridiculous enough to be put on film.  God help us all.

The Cast of the Jersey Shore
I was hoping against hope that this show would not have lasted. Even if it meant I would never sell another Jersey Shore related shirt in my stores I hoped that this was purely a joke that would just go away. Nope, it didn’t. Reality television’s newest stars are still going, way beyond their 15 minutes of fame and are continuing to gain fans. Whether you are a fan of the pugilistic Oompa Lompa, Snooki, or the comfortably fitting shirt challenged Mike “The Situation” whateverhislastnameis, you probably live to do Gym, Tan and Laundry and avoid grenades like the plague. Me, I avoid this show like the plague. Unfortunately, the missed the cutoff date for last year’s list, premiering in December. However, they’ve managed to rack up an impressive rap sheet this year. We’ve got…

Being all around ethnic stereotypes of Italians from New Jersey… of which only one of the original cast members are from New Jersey (No longer even on the show, at that) and only three of the cast members are actually full blooded Italian. Two are half and one is Chilean who was adopted by Italians.
  • Arrested for fighting in bars
  • Overuse and promotion of tanning beds
  • Being general douchebags

Separated at birth?

Heidi Montag
Someone may have to remind me, again, who the hell this person is? I have no clue who she is other than she decided to get so much plastic surgery she makes Barbie look biodegradable. I mean, come on. I realize that she made the list last year as part of a tag team with her husband, Spencer Pratt, but I guess I decided to block out what her real claim to fame is. Oh, right she was on Laguna Beach, the loosely called reality show on MTV and then The Hills. Yeah, real life, sure, I believe that. Oh, and she became a recording artist. Wow, that was really groundbreaking wasn’t it? Oh, and then her and her husband divorced. Why? To help her career. She compared the momentum of fame she would gain from the divorce to that of Sandra Bullock’s fame after her split from Jesse James. She is actually putting herself in the same realm of reality as Sandra Bullock. Hmm, oh, and there’s a supposed sex tape, which she denies, while her husband shops it around. Ok, once again, how is any of this reality?

Before and After Shots.  More Plastic Than Barbie

Jesse James
Speaking of Jesse James, welcome to d-bag garage. Today we’re going to take a wonderful relationship and tear it apart and make it into a huge lie. Jesse had the sweet life. I actually admit to being a fan of Monster Garage and his persona. Then he met Sandra Bullock and it was like all weird relationships we see in life. “What the hell is he doing with her?” kind of feeling. Sandra Bullock is this level headed, sweet gal next door, save the world and all the puppies kind of person who is genuine and she hooks up with this grease monkey kind of bad boy. It couldn’t be more perfect right? Once again, this is reality television at its finest. There was the infidelity and with a porn star, no less. Let me restate that, a Nazi porn star. And all of this came to light as Sandra accepted the Oscar and touted that Jesse made her a better person and her resurging success was a direct result of their loving marriage. WTG, d-bag!  Just for the sake of argument, look at these two pictures and you tell me.

Sandra Bullock

Michelle McGee

Teen Mom Cast Members
Once again, I admit I do not watch this show. In fact, I stay away from these types of shows because they are simply vehicles for people trying to get a career out of nothing other than being a teen, pregnant, or a little person… or a washed up 80s icon (tv or wrestling, take your pick). Put simply, the people featured on this show have either gotten into trouble for abuse of the other parent, criminal behavior, hit and runs, mental problems and just being a d-bag in general. But then again, the purpose of these types of behaviors is to be exploited for the sake of advertising and money at the hands of the network that puts them on television.

Teen Mom Amber Giving The Baby Daddy The Smackdown

And the winner is?   I have two endings.  The original and then the one I had rethought.

I really wanted to pick Jesse James. The sum of what he did was cause enough to be the winner. The ridiculousness of the spectacle that became the news story surrounding his infidelity and divorce from Bullock was d-baggery at its finest but I will not feel bad for Bullock in this case. If she had stayed with him, then she would have gained my sympathy and a spot on this list for being an idiot. But she is neither an idiot nor a d-bag. That being said, I cannot give him the award because as much of a d-bag as he is, the cast of The Jersey Shore’s total amount of d-bag moves eclipses the sum of one Jesse James. So, my hopes for 2011 is that either The Jersey Shore gets cancelled or it stays on the air, allowing me to make money off of them being idiots and d-bags. Well played, to my advantage!

OK, so I originally picked the cast of The Jersey Shore.  However, I went back and rethought the outcome and am going to strip the D-Bags of MTV of their win and give it to Jesse James.   Why?  While I stated that the sum of what the cast of TJS did outweighed what Jesse did, I believe in my heart that he is the bigger douchebag and yes, I actually used the full word because he deserves it.   He had it all.  He had a beautiful wife that loved his kid.  He had a great company.  He had all the world on a platter and he just fell back on his bad boy ways.   There can be something said for trying to reform the bad boy.   There's also something to be said for wasting an opportunity that you will never have again in your life.

1 comment:

Diane T said...

Yay! [Claps hands] A well-deserved award. Although by looking at the picture, that Heidi chickee's boobies deserve some kind of "bag" award, because they do not look like real flesh. Blech.

Shredded Tweets