The Lesser Man Project: Week 9

Sorry for the hiatus on the updates. I was caught up in the D-Bag Award posts and the holidays, along with some other news that will show up in, possibly, my final post????  Time will tell on that one. In any case, I hope you didn’t think I abandoned the project, because I didn’t.  In fact, I surprised myself with being off of work for the last two weeks of the year.  I figured boredom would have set in and I’d be reaching for the cookies and egg nog. Fortunately, there is some rule that any behavior for 21 days constitutes a habit. Well, at the time I went on vacation I had been at this for almost six weeks, which is twice as long.  I guess I have a habit now.

Speaking of habits, let’s go over the last four weeks. I’m not going to get into what all I ate, but I will share some. Let’s just say, I didn’t skimp on the holiday meals.

I started off week five having already lost 10 pounds from my heaviest weight. Then two weeks later I was head long into being off of work and around all kinds of bad food. I was doing my Christmas shopping and eating on the fly which is always a bad idea. I was hitting Starbucks because I was able to and taking in a few more Caramel Brule decadence than I should have in my position. I was eating at malls and going through the drive thru.

However, when I did stop at my favorite spot, Wendy’s, I managed to keep to my reduced meal plan with the value sized burger, fry, and drink. That was a plus. Being able to be satisfied by a very small amount of food is a good step towards winning the war.

Christmas Eve was filled with meat and cheese trays, ham and roast beef sandwiches, and various cookies. I tried to be good but I know I had one or two more chocolate covered Oreos than I should have. Christmas Day was just leftovers for lunch and turkey sandwiches for dinner at my parents. My Dad’s birthday was a couple days away and I was digging this dip my sister-in-law made and downing shrimp left and right. New Year’s Eve and Day were my worst meals. We had pierogies, pork, sauerkraut, hot dogs, and kielbasa. More cookies, more meat and cheese.

I did try some a new dish at one of our regular eateries.  I had fish and pierogies and loved it. At Fat Zackel’s in Claridge, they make an awesome Russian Cod and accompany it with three pierogies. It’s enough to get your gnosh on, but it won’t kill you. Skipping my daughter’s fries also helps.

Now to the biggest help over break.  I had, what has been called, around here as, The Pittsburgh Puke and Poop.  Actually, I never puked. My kid woke up the morning of the 19th with it but had stopped vomiting by noon.  My wife had a small bout with it and I was showing signs around mid week.  Like I said, I never threw up, but I wasn’t taking any chances and was pretty much eat toast and drinking ginger ale, because I was constantly nauseous.  Now, I would have expected to gain all that weight back after I felt better, but I am proud to say that as of a weigh in on the morning of January 5th, I had lost almost [drum roll] [paradiddle] [LOL]



18 pounds.

Now that’s a habit!

I’m back at work this week and have had one small indulgence, a tiny Frosty after my lunch on Tuesday.  Otherwise, I have been eating less and I am actually starting to feel like I’ve lost weight.  People have said I look like I've lost weight.  "Yeah, your face looks thinner."  Great.  If only I wore my pants around my nose, I'd feel like I had accomplished something. My knees still groan at me when I go up steps, but I’ve been finding pairs of pants, I was ready to throw out, fitting once more, which is a bonus. No more exploding buttons.

To summarize:

• Apparently getting the flu has benefits but don't expect all results to be the same.  I wouldn't go licking the Lincoln Logs at your kids' daycare, just yet. 
• If you plan on doing anything like this, do it a few weeks out of a big meal holiday like Thanksgiving. 
• Don’t call it a diet. It’s a change in habit.
• Most important, keep going. 

Now, I’m not going to get all caught up in the psychology of it all, just like I didn’t get caught up in all the counting and monitoring of what I did.  I’ve made all these changes in an effort to have them become an automatic thing. The subconscious mind will reach for a bowl of chips just as easily as it will walk past the kitchen at 11:30 at night, despite the cries of Ben and Jerry telling you to eat them. You simply have to train yourself, in small increments.

It’s nice to know I haven’t hit that plateau, yet, but my next challenge occurs starting January 10th. More on that later. Peace out!

2010 D-Bag Awards Finals

In the beginning there were 32 nominated contestants, including our reigning champ, Death. Now we are down to eight. This is the final round and each is worthy of the award, but only one walks out of here with the title of biggest d-bag of 2010.

For your consideration, I present each nominee one more time.

In the Athletic Round we had LeBron James. He announced to the world, only minutes after letting his former employers know, that he would leave Cleveland and go to Miami. He promised to do what he could to bring a championship to Cleveland, but in the end he was only interested in bringing one to himself and he would go where he needed to in order to do it. I can’t blame him for wanting to leave Cleveland, but he shouldn’t have done it in the fashion that he did, creating a media spectacle.

LeBron LeBroke My Heart by B Rike Tees

In the Celebrity Round, Mel Gibson touretted his way to infamy after already being on the fence with his previous foot in mouth disease. Allegedly he assaulted the mother of his child. He spouted off more obscenities and vitriol then a Mamet character and still he managed to get support from his former costars. One can only hope that 2011 serves as a chance for him to come back to reality and get on some proper meds.

You Make Me Want To Smoke
by Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash!

For the Reality Round, Jesse James spat on his marriage and every hanger on that ever attached themselves to the celebrity that is Sandra Bullock. And he managed to do it while she stood on stage professing her love and owing her newfound resurgence to you. At least you could have had the decency to let her know ahead of time. Or better yet, not been such a douchebag to start.

 

Blindsided?

Politicians stole the Political Round from the Tea Party Movement in the political round by failing to do anything but posture and play king of the hill. Instead of actually making a change to the country, they simply made a change to the roster. Well, guess what? We became disillusioned the last time around under the eight years rule. Granted, we only gave it two years but we’ve become fickle and impatient. I guess we wanted to believe in change, but didn’t want to believe in a slow process. You didn’t help the cause, you impeded it to get into power. Maybe neither side is the answer. In any case, you were all winners, right or left.

Politicians make for strange bedfellows

In the Media Round, Dr. Laura went gangsta over the airwaves and claimed first amendment blah blah as a defense. Put it this way, when Sarah Palin comes to your defense it might not be a good thing. Ask a majority of the candidates she backed during election season.

Oh yes, I did!

Roger Goodell says one thing and does another. He wants safety but more money for the league in the form of regular season games. He wants to punish certain players but turn a blind eye to others. He wants obscure transparency over the rules of play yet can’t take a standardized position on how players should act off the field. The emperor has no clothes but he clinched a playoff birth from the In Charge Round.

Official Flag of Pittsburgh by Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash!

BP contributed to one of the worst ecological disasters since Joe Hazelwood slept off a bender and the third mate ran aground in Alaska. But to lay blame for the disaster solely at the feet of BP is a bit much. There were multiple factors that involve multiple parties. How the whole crisis was handled has more to do with BPs nomination and win of their round.

beyond pwned by Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash!

Lastly, I present our reigning champ, Death

I'm Death, bitch!

Death had another banner year in 2010. And, he’s already kicking off 2011 with the death of Pete Postlethwaite, a totally underrated actor, in my opinion. Looking back, pop culture lost Leslie Nielsen, Barbara Billingsley, Peter Graves, Teena Marie, Blake Edwards, Dino de Laurentis, 11 year old Shannon Tavarez, Greg Giraldo, Billie Mae Richards (voice of Rudolph from the Rankin Bass specials), Rue McClanahan, Gary Coleman, Corey Haim, Caroline McWillams, Teddy Pendergrass, Tom Bosley, James MacArthur, (Original Five-0’s Danno), James Wall, Tony Curtis, Gloria Stuart, Eddie Fisher, Dennis Hopper, Dixie Carter, Lynn Redgrave, John Forsythe, Merlin Olsen, Andrew Koenig, Phil Harris, Francis Reid, J.D. Salinger, Zelda Rubenstein, James Mitchell, and Jean Simmons, to name more than a few.

On the home front Death took the life of my mother in law, a 12 year survivor of renal cell cancer. The cancer never got her. She died of a brain hemorrhage, due to a blood thinner she was on at the time. Also, my wife’s childhood pet, Woody, a 24 year old black and white one fanged cat finally had to be put down. Both of these deaths affected me more than any celebrity or childhood hero I may have had. So, Death was busy and is in good company with a bunch of other D-bags.



That all being said, I can clearly pick a winner of the 2010 D-Bag Awards.



BP
Death had it locked up but I had to think about it. Death may have claimed the lives of millions this past year, including mine explosions, earthquakes in Haiti, personal losses and losses to my childhood, but Death is doing his job and while I won’t strip him of the title, I cannot clearly give it to him this year. BP was the bigger douchebag. Tony Hayward made the biggest of all d-bag statements when he said, “I want my life back.” The entire handling of the disaster was a ridiculous exercise right out of the playbook of FEMA circa 2005. And while life may be getting back to whatever semblance of normalcy it may have had on the Gulf Coast, the full effects of what happened and how it happened and how it was handled may still be years out on the horizon. Even the name of the rig, Deepwater Horizon, is a sort of morbid foreshadowing of what the future of the Gulf Coast may have in store for us. This was a disaster that even Death was going, “Whoa, you guys are real douchebags!” So, your winner for 2010, by an oil slick is BP. Kudos, douchebags. Good luck in 2011.

2010 D-Bag Awards Round Seven: In Charge D-Bags

Those wacky CEOs. They’ve got the world on a string. And some of them are the biggest d-bags in business. Here’s the lowdown on the final round of nominations for the 2010 D-Bag Awards.

Steve Jobs
Normally, I wouldn’t care what Steve Jobs did. Normally, I’d be willing to praise Apple for what it has done in the tech sector. I loved my iPod and even though I am not a Mac user, I do like them in the case of doing graphic design. Well, that has all changed. 2010 was shining big ball of poop for the Apple CEO. Dating back to the invention of the iPhone, Apple has become a bit of a snob with its products. Yes, you can blame the issues with coverage on AT&T but the bottom line is that Apple is responsible for making that business decision to go solely with AT&T.

The latest version of the iPhone, called iPhone 4, had a huge flaw that was a tipping point for ole Stevie ending up on the list. The gap on the case caused dropped calls when you touched it. It’s not a flaw, it’s a feature, right? Wrong. As in, “You’re holding it wrong.” That was Steve’s message to the masses about the issue. Well, if you are using the phone as a phone and aren’t used to holding it with the particular hand that Jobs is telling people to use, then it’s a flaw, in my book. Telling people that they’re doing it wrong is not good customer service. It’s back peddling over an issue that you either knew about and tried to sneak past the censors or it’s something you were oblivious to and are now coming up with a story to cover your ass. Oh, and did I mention that Steve was detained in an airport following the discovery of ninja stars in his luggage? Steve said he’d never visit Japan again after being detained for trying to take the weapons aboard his own private jet. Um, just because it’s a private jet and it’s yours doesn’t mean you couldn’t decide to take them to another airport and do something. It would be nice if Japan decided to stop using Apple products in return. Hey, Steve. YOU are doing it wrong.

Bob Nutting
I so wanted to give the round to Bob. I really did. As a Pittsburgher and a once huge fan of the Pirates I really wanted to bring Bob down, but I couldn’t. First of all, I don’t have that kind of power. Secondly, it’s not like Bob doesn’t already know exactly what he is doing. He’s made losing a profitable science. 18 years. 18 YEARS of losing is what we are used to in Pittsburgh and we are not a town that understands losing for a profit. We went to the Super Bowl, on the road, as a sixth seed which did nothing to earn the city any money in tourist revenues and we were happy about it because it was about winning and being the best, not about money. Now, that’s not to say that the bottom line is that we don’t want the money. You need to pay the players and you need to fund the organization. However, when you specifically do what you can to lose which nets you millions in profit, that’s is worth of being a d-bag.

Now, I cannot say with 100% certainty that Bob Nutting is purposely trying to lose in order to keep his payroll low and turn a profit from season ticket sales and revenue sharing from the bigger market teams. But it does look to be a little suspicious. Oh, and how are Rinku and Dinesh doing? Oh, that’s right. You released Dinesh after the season. And Singh, well he was promoted to Class A Short-Season affiliate. Any chance He’ll be making it through to the big game?



And the winner is?



Roger Goodell
Again, I am a little bit biased because I am from Pittsburgh but I think it is safe to say that Roger Goodell is clearly the winner here. I have gone on, at length about how I despise him. I think he is turning the NFL into a ridiculous corporation bent on making money and not about upholding any values. He talks about wanting to protect the players from injury and yet wants to add two more bone crushing regular season games. If this year is any indication of how much the regular season punishes players then imagine going into weeks 18 and 19 with hardly any starters because of injury, not to mention playoffs. He talks about reckless tackling, leading with helmets and defenseless players, yet the officials do not call penalties on half of the more serious offenses to players such as personal fouls against certain quarterbacks. After all, someone as pretty as Tom Brady and as marketable as Peyton Manning would certainly draw a personal foul if a defensive player merely looked at them wrong, but other quarterbacks are chopped and drilled and slapped and punched and bloodied in the name of “legal contact.”

Oh, and where is Brett Favre’s punishment for doing what he did. Granted, he may never face any legal action for what he allegedly did, but it’s on par with what Ben Roethlisberger supposedly did and he was given a six game suspension. I am neither defending nor condoning what Ben may or may not have done. I am merely pointing out a lateral argument. Both were involved with allegations of sexual harassment or conduct unbecoming an NFL player and yet Ben was given a six game, reduced to four, suspension and Brett has yet to see any kind of punishment and will probably retire before any is doled out. If there were any more contradictory behavior on the part of Goodell he would have ended up on my political list. But for now, he earns the praise as d-bag extraordinaire as a man in charge.