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Thursday, May 3, 2012

I Have Nothing To Say

I don’t.  I am completely without thought.  There are no words in my brain to convey to you, my 4.5 readers, some great nugget of wisdom.  You are in for a very dull read.

Why do people do this?  Why do we feel the need to share with everyone what we’re doing.  We’re going to the gym.  We’re checking in at our favorite greasy spoon.  We’re checking out of consciousness and going to sleep.  But, the most important thing is; we’re telling all our friends we’re going to do it.

Imagine this scenario:   You are back in college, living with your three friends.  I know you have more, but they wouldn’t fit the occupancy restrictions and the security deposit wouldn’t be enough to cover Jerry’s experimental interior decorating habits.  So, anyway,  you’re all sitting around watching Montel Jordan when you decide it’s time to go workout.  You stand up and loudly yell out, “I’m going to the gym to get ripped!”

Who the hell does that?

Here’s another scenario; you’re sitting around the dinner table, with your family, eating your mother’s latest creation and suddenly you yell out, “Peppersteak!  FML!”  Mom just blinks repeatedly, and looks up the number for an old priest and a young priest.


Lastly, you’re in the library studying for your Econ final when the urge hits you.  You stand up and walk over to the nearest person and immediately start acting out the “To the pain” scene from The Princess Bride.   You manage to get through almost the entire speech before security throws you out.

As you wish!

Why do we do it?  Do we crave attention?  Do we think of ourselves as the bard of bathroom behavior.    Are our friends sitting around with a Facebook screen open at the ready in case someone decides to check out for the evening and we're there to witness it? 

Often times, I update my status to include quips about my kid, my life, and basically relating funny moments.  Well, funny to me.  I put music videos that describe my state of mind or reminisce about how in the 80s we didn’t do such things like this.  I quote movies.  I hardly ever announce that I’m about to go to the gym… which of course is because I don’t go to the gym.   I also don’t announce that I’m about to go 10200.  Listen, Internet, no one cares about your bodily functions.

And why is it that people post pictures of themselves in the bathroom?  Is it the mirror, the lighting?  Do people think that because they feel that they sound better, singing in the shower, they must look better in the bathroom when they snap that pic?  You don't.   And close the lid next time.  Ew.

Internet, duck lips and pictures snapped at arm’s length above your head are not cool.  If they were, M.C. Escher would have drawn that self portrait in the glass ball from the perspective of looking up… and his toilet would be in the background.

"Doesn't my triple mirror vanity just bring out the epicness of Blue Steel?"

Acceptance.  Heh
Likes.  Heh
Maximum Facebook Impact.  Heh.

We crave these.

Did the Current State of the Internet beget the “Look At Me Generation” or did the generation cause the current state of the Internet?

Hey Internet, grow up and rein in your rampant low self esteem!

And to that, I am done saying nothing.

On a blog…

To 4.5 readers…

Which will get posted in my Facebook news feed…

And on Twitter.

Going to dinner now. 

Like, please?

1 comment:

Janelle said...

I think it's been a gradual evolution that began with the AIM away message.

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