- Mother Nature
- Humanity
- Congress
- Hollywood
- The Brothers Tsarnaev
- George Zimmerman
- Aaron Hernandez
- Black Friday
- Phone Companies
There are your nominees for the biggest douche bag in
2013. Look at them. Each one deserving of the title, but only one
will walk away with the right to be called as such.
It’s been a long year for us. We’ve survived natural disasters and possibly
being shot by George Zimmerman or Aaron Hernandez. The Boston Marathon bombing taught us not
only that we are strong as a society but severely flawed in our hatred and
stupidity towards those people and things we think are different. We elevate stupidity to lofty heights and
reward companies for being douches by raking honest working people for a
buck. We’d call our congressman and tell
them what’s up, but they already know what we’re talking about anyway and they’re
probably on recess anyway and not going to listen. I guess you could say it sounds just like a
really bad movie involving sharks and tornadoes, but that would never get made,
RIGHT?
So, looking at that list of nine entries, it’s hard to
narrow down one particular contestant and say that THEY are the biggest douche bag.
Then again, maybe it isn’t that hard. Maybe the answer is pretty easy. Look at that list. Everything boils down into two columns;
Nature and People. Mother Nature tore
Death a new one in the last round, but it’s still nothing compared to the sheer
force of hate and stupidity that is humanity.
This year, with all of the issues: same sex marriage, racism, bullying,
rewarding stupid famous people, and sharing it all on the Internet, we have
sunk to new lows. We hate with more
vitriol than I think we have ever done so, before. We have gone to greater lengths to screw one another
over, keep each other down, and simply just hate. And it’s not that there isn’t a bright and
shining center in all of this, but it’s so clouded over with the general blech
of people being spiteful and entitled and bratty. The entire human race needs a good spanking
and for that the 2013 D-Bag Of the Year Award goes to us.
We deserve it. Next
year, let’s try harder to not be such assholes.
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