LOST Theories For S6E7 Dr. Linus March 9th, 2010

Wow. Wow. Can I say wow? Watching Dr. Linus was like eating Chinese food. It’s really good. You really enjoy every bite, but it only satisfies you for like a half an hour, then you want more. Watching Lost on any given day is like eating Chinese food, but this week was like being fulfilled on a lot of things. The revelations kind of sneak up on you and just stand there waiting to be noticed whereas I think we are usually expecting the old “Snake in the mail box” like in Season One when we saw down the long dark hole in the hatch.


First off, Michael Emerson is the best actor on television, right now. Say what you want about Bryan Cranston or Jon Hamm or Hugh Laurie or Steve Carrel or Alec Baldwin, but Emerson has the chops, delivery and whimsy of a first class thespian and he did win last year for Best Supporting Actor, so it is being noticed. Is it any wonder why he does the voiceover work on the recap and special episodes of LOST? The man has a voice that has all the timbre of Anthony Hopkins, the gravitas of Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones and what he does in between speaking those lines is downright scary as an acting observer. He says more with a blink of those walleyed peepers than most actors do in a Shakespearean soliloquy.

I could devote the next nine weeks to just analyzing his work but I won’t. This is all about the theories behind the final payoff at the end of the season. So, looking back at last week’s list of theories I give myself a half check for Jacob’s motivation on getting Jack to the lighthouse.

Jack’s purpose at the Lighthouse was to actually destroy the mirrors because:
    a. it allows the truth of the Flash Lefts to be revealed.
    b. It unmasks the island from Widmore who can put things right. That means that MiB has been manipulating Ben far longer than we thought.
    c. Desmond can return
    d. It was simply to give Jack a reason to become who he needs to be.

I think the main reason motivation was to get him and Hugo out of the temple away from Locke-Ness. The indirect result I believe is going to fall onto either b or d. I’ll get into b in a bit. For d. We head into the next theory.

Richard Alpert on the black rock as an Egyptian Slave. Something causes the ship to wreck into the middle of the island and the MiB frees him. He was given long life by the MiB as a wish fulfillment but somehow caused MiB’s non corporeal state when he realizes that he’s on the wrong side and takes the role of PR man for Jacob. “It’s nice to see you out of those chains.”

I give myself full credit on this first sentence in that it Richard makes reference to returning to the Black Rock for the first time since he came to the island and him being a slave is pretty apparent at his recognition of the chains. As to how he was freed is unknown yet, but I take a big old Red X on how he became forever young. Looks like Jacob gave him that gift but forgot to update his will to offer full disclosure and a take it back in the event that he died.

Now, Richard’s little trip to the Black Rock and his subsequent attempt to commit suicide coincides with Jack’s trip to the lighthouse. Being touched by Jacob has nothing to do with physical contact or maybe it does. I see “being touched” as being considered or being given a mark of protection. The actual physical touching could be part of it but he doesn’t touch Ilana and she is part of the plan.

We saw Michael exhibit the same inability to kill himself before he completed his mission on the Kahana. Furthermore, this might explain that Jacob is on an opposing side than Widmore seeing as how Jacob gave Michael the same gift/curse as Richard and by deduction Jack as that the dynamite did not go off. Jack is finally beginning to accept faith over science after he realized that Jacob has been watching Jack for a long time and there is something to all this hokus pokus with the island. He’s finding it easier to believe than before. Otherwise, we would have had an explosion and both Jack and Richard would have been reduced to Arzt size pieces.

Finally to all this…besides having a Real Genius reunion with the go to slimy weasel of choice, William Atherton, and an alive but ailing Jon Gries as Roger Widmore we learned a crucial piece of the puzzle that we were told not to spend too much time on, the fate of the island in Flash Left Universe.

The Dharma Initiative happened and Ben and Roger went there. For whatever reason they decided to leave. That little nugget of dialogue gives us the fortune cookie we were waiting for. The island must have sank either because of the incident caused by the Jughead OR something caused the Dharma Initiative to pull up stakes and leave.

Something to consider, though.

ETHAN GOODSPEED
Juliet detonates the Jughead and Oceanic 815 never crashes.
That means Sawyer, Locke, Jin, Miles, Charlotte, Faraday, and Juliet never time travel.
Sawyer and Juliet never intervene and save Amy. She goes off with The Others.
So, does she ever come back and get together with Horace? If so, who delivers Ethan? Did she get transported off the island sooner? Was that decision the same one that led Roger and Linus to leave as well?

CHARLES IN CHARGE?
Widmore is a lot like Principal Reynolds in that he makes Ben choose between power and a person. On the island, he chooses power and Alex is killed. Off the island he chooses Alex and loses his power. In either scenario he loses something but his choices off the island are more heroic than on the island. Yet, everyone needs redemption and he gets it except he looks like he needed a hug after everyone shows up. Instead we get Widmore’s submarine taking a peep at the reunion.

So, if 815 never crashes what happens to Widmore? Presumably, he was still the leader of the Others in 1977 since Ben is never around to exile him, nor is he there to kidnap Alex, or be shot by Sayid which integrates him into the Others collective. Which leads back to the expose of Widmore’s breaking of the rules, which mirror Reynolds’ infidelity and Ben’s use of that knowledge to try and oust the current “Administrator” of whatever playing field they are on. Is Widmore alive in 2004?

And one last great piece of fulfillment. Nikki and Paulo’s closure and the fate of the diamonds unknowingly buried with them. They were such a blight on the LOST landscape that they had to be killed or buried alive and left to suffocate. Either way they were a mistake that was corrected and provided the greatest Easter Egg of this episode. As Ben is left to dig his own grave he promises Miles that hefty payday of $3.2 million dollars he asked him for in Season 4. Miles jokes about it saying he can get more than twice that buy digging up the two ill fated walk ons and taking their loot. Then as the slow motion reunion kicks in and Lapidus builds a fire as Ben stands there all “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.” We see Miles examining a diamond. Thanks Nikki and Paulo, you served a purpose.

OK THEORY TIME

1. The island sank after the Dharma Initiative left due to:
   a. The Incident minus the Jughead. Most DI non essential personal were off the island prior (Amy, Horace, Roger, Ben)
   b. The building of The Swan by the DI which hit the pocket of energy and with no way to contain it (i.e. Jughead, button) the island sank but not before Dharma Initiative were able to escape.

2. Roger and Ben left the Dharma Initiative because:
   a. Roger did not want to be a Workman anymore and Horace couldn’t convince him to stay or was not there due to the birth of Ethan off island.
   b. He was fired.

3. Widmore is able to find the island because:
   a. He is the friend Jacob was guiding towards the island and his name is actually Wallace
   b. Desmond is on that sub and his name his family name is actually Wallace.
   c. Locke-Ness has killed Jacob leaving the island unveiled and seen by Widmore
   d. He went to the Lamp Post

4. Locke-Ness is going to the Hydra:
   a. To meet Widmore.
   b. To see the bears
   c. To fetch a pail of water.

I’m getting goofy on little sleep. That’s all for now.

From the path of truth, John Hughes hath led me astray.

Warning, this entry contains cheese.

"OW, OW, CHICK, CHICKA-CHIC-KAAAAAAAAAA"

Oh Yeah! I did it. I just threw the most clichéd 80's-Teenage-Comedy-Movie-Soundtrack's First Cut right at ya! Don't mess me with me. I know the Crane Technique.

Where did I go wrong? I studied every single one of their movies. I memorized countless witty comebacks sure to leave even the most Zabkaesque of bullies quaking in their British Knights. Still, I was never named prom king for leading the class in a ridiculous, yet catchy, group dance set to a hit song by a pop synth band that prominently featured a keytar. I was never able to become a mythical corporate executive at a Manhattan company just by occupying an empty office and attempt to overthrow the cheating boss. My athletic abilities never blossomed so that I could successfully ski the K-12 with only one ski. How could I have failed? Let's go over my entire game plan and see what mistakes I made.

---

Step 1:
Establish myself as the social outcast in my school

This shouldn't be too hard. Even if I was not already considered an outcast, I should forgo all status I have by moving to nearby school where no one will suspect I am really undercover, writing a tell all expose for the school paper. If possible, try to find a school in a town where dancing has been outlawed or has a really crappy varsity sports team that I can turn into state champs with a rousing speech. I must make sure to keep the illusion of ineptitude by only sitting with those who make life decisions by tossing a 12 sided die.

I will attract the attention of the stock character known as "The Bully." I will know who he is by the three typical friends that follow him around like puppies.

• Big muscle-bound dumb jock
• Skinny smart mouth shop kid with a knife
• Tubby whipping boy who will eventually be swayed to my side once I overthrow the bully's reign.

Seek the bully out on the first day of school by spilling my lunch on him and/or embarrassing him by accident. Allow him to get the better me of until April, so that I can spring my plan into action.

Step 2:
Make things worse

Step 2 involves alienating myself further by developing an insane crush on the head cheerleader/prom queen. She should have the following features.

• Big blonde hair
• Big boobs
• Failing some class that I instantly become an expert on so l can tutor her.
• Dating or recently broke up with "The Bully."

Meanwhile I will become soul mates with the resident "Bailey Quarters." She must wear baggy clothes like sweaters and long skirts as to hide the fact that she is even hotter than the trophy girl. She must be a brunette, wear glasses, and be smarter than Ken Jennings. She has to help me in my quest while falling hopelessly in love with me. I will then spurn her advances in favor of the trophy girl and my ultimate goal of uber cool.

Step 3:
Set up the competition

Once I have established myself as the underdog, I must throw down the gauntlet with the bully and be pulled into some sort of ridiculous competition that I am completely outmatched at. If it is a sporting event that I have no skill at, it must be something that will allow me to use my intellect to overpower "The Bully." If it is a race I should use my ingenuity or the ingenuity of the local nerds to bypass the conventional route, which will be used by the bully giving him a false sense of security. I will become the tortoise to his hare. This duel will be scheduled the day before the prom to allow me to gain favor among the socially inept and undesirable members of the student body, which even though they outnumber the ruling class of bullies/jocks/pretty folks, they cower in fear at the idea of standing up for themselves.

The coolest of all nerds, if there is such a thing, will instantly become my friend on the first day or will be my cousin, either works. He will use his vast network of dorks to secure everything I need in my quest. He will sneak me into his headquarters through a hidden secret passageway, opened only through an unused locker; He will be able to procure anything I need. At some point I will be given detention for something as a show of defiance or strategic planning and will bond with other outcasts, forming a lasting friendship that will only end after high school.

Step 4:
Extreme Makeover Montage.

Wallflower girl will assist me in transforming my image from geek to chic. The first phase will be to step into the shower and magically, through the use of soap and mousse, turn into a heartthrob. My complexion will be flawless and my hair will perfectly feather. Phase two will require an unlimited supply of money, which I will have possession of through no means of explanation. I will go on a shopping spree where I will try on several ugly and uncool outfits, all meeting plain girl's disapproval. The last outfit I try on will be perfect one winning approval. Make sure it is durable in its design. I will be wearing this outfit for the next 4 months. This entire makeover should take roughly 3 minutes and be set to an inspirational pop rock song which will be instantly a hit.

Afterwards, at the food court, we will share a soda and form an emotional bond. At some point, I have to nearly kiss her only to pull away, cementing her complete and utter devotion to me. The sexual tension will be explosive but I must not lose sight of my goal.

Step 5:
Turn the tables

Unveil the new me by strutting down the crowded hallways of school turning heads and dropping jaws. Make sure to be seen by Trophy Girl who is standing at her locker being harassed by "The Bully." She will leave him in a huff and hang on my arm. He will be unimpressed but begin to doubt his hold on the school. He may, in fact, conspire with a teacher of similar rat-like morals to sabotage me.

That night I will be go on a single date with the trophy girl. At the end we will, most surely, make out. If at all possible secure a copy of Led Zeppelin IV and play side one. Plain Jane will see me kissing Trophy Girl and watch as we slip down out of view in the kick ass ride I borrowed from the Vocational Tech department. The next day, my plain friend will ignore me and not speak to me for the rest of the school year, until prom night. I should also alienate my nerd buddy at some point by beginning to shun nerdom and only hanging out with the cool kids. Don't worry, I'll apologize to him and all will be forgiven in Step 6.

Step 6:
Win the day

With only a few members of my nerd following to stell help me in the competition, I will start out falling behind "The Bully." He will cheat to gain a tremendous lead. He will even employ some kind of sabotage tactic executed by his three friends or the rat-like teacher on his side. I will then battle back to a photo finish, completing the task with half of the equipment I started out with and ultimately beat the bully in our all or nothing competition for social supremacy. This will again last about 3 minutes and will be set to an up-tempo rock song.

Afterwards, "Trophy Girl" will make her last minute choice of accompanying me to the prom, where by some stroke of luck, I will have a tux that matches her dress perfectly. Wallowing in his defeat, "The Bully" will set about to attack me with his friends as backup that night. He could even be drunk. I must remain alert and careful as he will probably take a cheap shot at me even though his physical prowess outweighs mine.

Step 7:
Get Crowned

That night I will arrive to the prom, fashionably late, after picking up the uber hot trophy girl. Her dress will obviously accentuate her curves and will make me drool. We will arrive halfway into the prom, interrupting the dancing. Everyone will cheer and congratulate me on my victory.

At some point, the band will point the spotlight at me and I will be cued to lead a "four wall line dance," creating the moves on the spot. After one verse, everyone will become an expert and join in, declaring it the neatest thing since sliced bread. This will all occur just moments before the announcement of the Prom King and Queen.

"Trophy Girl" will of course be named Queen while "The Bully" will expect to be named King. He might possibly be making his way to the stage, not realizing I will be named instead. The newly crowned couple, Me and "Trophy Girl" will begin to slow dance. Out of nowhere, the bully will appear, behind me, drunk and fuming. I will dismiss his attempts at enticing me to fight and must turn my back on him, leaving him an open shot at me. He will take advantage of my blind spot and will knock me to the ground, instantly stopping the music with a sound like a needle scratching across a record. This show of violence will succeed in clearing an eight foot radius around us. I will slowly get to my feet and think of how to fight since I will have forgot to add that to the montage earlier in the year.

Be prepared for one of three things to happen.

• I will suddenly be given the ability to fight using some weird move I learned 6 months ago in a undeveloped subplot or thrown away sequence. It will only take a couple of seconds and will render "The Bully" unconscious. Everyone will then dance on top of him.

OR

• The nerd brigade will somehow have been invited or will crash the prom, coming to my defense. Lacking dates and given the new found courage to rise up, they will probably show up to overthrow the ruling class and will stand in between me and "The Bully" causing him to back down and leave. It could be possible that they will not show up at all due to all night marathon of Star Trek: The Original Series. Be prepared and check the TV guide.

OR

• "The Bully" will attempt to make his friends do the fighting for him. They will have a change of heart and embrace their inner geek, leaving the bully to fight his own battle.

In any case, the bully will lose. He will leave, never darkening the math lab again. After the entire crowd cheers my second victory, I will then be asked to perform with the band. NOTE TO SELF: Go back and remember to learn guitar in Step 4, it will be important. Oh, and make sure to lean back to back with the keytar guy during your solo.

Step 8:
Get the girl

Accomplishing everything I could ever hope for in the span of 9 months, I will then throw it all away. My "Trophy Girl" date will attempt to embrace me, but I will thank her politely and inform her that I really don't want to be with her. She is everything I will ever hope to have, yet I will toss her aside because I spot my "Plain Jane" friend at the entrance of the gym. She will have traded her pleated skirts for a slinky prom gown that shows off her awesome figure. Her straight and pulled back hair will be styled perfectly causing her to have destroyed the ozone layer wherever she goes. Just by removing her glasses she will become instantly attractive to me and I will make my way to her, groveling and apologizing immensely. She will in turn conveniently forget my previous transgressions and join me in another round of the line dance as we close out the night. Meanwhile, my sidekick nerd who has been by my side the whole year will end up with the prom queen or one of her hot friends.

Results:

I will turn in my article for the school paper and be given a full scholarship to some prestigious university where my newly transformed girlfriend is also attending. We will live happily ever after and everything will freeze perfectly still while a final song plays, preferably "We Are the Champions."

Additional Steps:

At college, I will perform dorm room pranks while switching my major to engineering so that I can work on a top secret government project that can only be completed by extremely bright slacker college kids with no respect for authority. My best friends in the world will gather at a local watering hole where we will have our own table and will all end up betraying each other. We will slowly grow up and fogive each other as we come to grips with our fear of life after college.

---

Nope, no mistakes were made. I still don't get it. It should have worked. I should be the CEO of a major company or at least a dotcom billionaire married to Shannon Tweed.

Damn you John Hughes, damn you Val Kilmer, damn you Brat Pack! This sucks. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get ready for my shift at Captain Hooks Fish and Chips and my sister's hot friend is about to get out of the pool. I don't want her to walk in on me in the bathroom....while I'm.......swabbing the deck.

By the way, What the Fµ¢k is a Chinese Downhill?