25 Best Musical Performances in Non-musical Films: 5-1

I’ve been counting down my top 25 most iconic musical performances in a non musical film.  Once again, these are musical performances, lip synched or otherwise that stood out in the landscape of pop culture.  These are not from movies that have a real musical story element.  These are from films where someone, for whatever reason, breaks out into song and dance.

Now, I’ve visited the 70s, 80s, 90s, and 00s for selections 25-6.   I’ve done mostly comedies, and at least one thriller.   While a majority of the top five includes comedy, one of them is black and there is one war film in there.  For the top five, I’m going to give a little exposition on each one.  Sort of why I picked it and why it left an impression on me.

So, let’s not waste anymore time.  OK?

The typical childhood pop culture diet usually contains equal parts annoying kiddie show music, repetitive imagery and music from cartoons, and Disney.  Well, my kid doesn’t get that.  She’s more on the ball with my childhood’s pop culture landscape than I was when I was her age.

In my childhood, my father warped my mind with viewings of Monty Python and other British late night comedies.   Couple that with stealing HBO as a kid and I saw more movies that led to my corruption.    Chief among them  were the films of Mel Brooks.   History of the World Part I, To Be or Not To Be, and Blazing Saddles were some of my favorites.  But one stood out among the rest.  It was a black and white monster film.  OK, it was really a comedy, but still, it had a mad scientist, an ominous monster, and a hilarious musical performance that has become a quintessential joke whenever someone imitates Frankenstein’s monster.  “Puuhtin ahn tha Riiiitz!”

5. Young Frankenstein "Puttin on the Ritz"



Another film I had only seen once I was into my early teens because it was pretty risqué for its time.  Anytime you look at the TV Guide and you see the abbreviations “N” and “SC” in the synopsis for a movie, you knew you weren’t getting to see it with parents around.  Once again, HBO stepped in and I happened to catch this one when I was home alone.  Oh my!

In typical 80s fashion an outlandish scheme is hatched to cover up an even more outlandish lie which results in everything being positively resolved by the end of the film.  If only life could work like that.

Anyway, all this 80s style mayhem and one superstar’s career started simply with a pair of sunglasses, tighty whities, and Bob Seger.

4. Risky Business "Old Time Rock and Roll"




War movies are usually not known for being upbeat or sing-songy… unless that movie is South Pacific.   They’re mostly dour and somber with explosions and grief.   However, one must keep up the British end, even when a POW.  When faced with impossible odds, keep a stiff upper lip, stick out your chest and whistle a tune which serves as a placeholder for lyrics that speak of Hitler only having one ball.

Most kids don’t relish watching a two and a half hour war film, especially one that does not involve Stallone or Schwarzenegger blowing up bad guys with their one liners.   For me, though, this next film was a classic already and I loved it.  It was more cerebral than its muscle headed 80s counterparts.    But, mainly, I loved it because it had Obi-Wan Kenobi as sort of a bastard.  Seeing Alec Guiness play against type of the stoic, Zen like Jedi Master in Star Wars was really a treat.  I’d love to see his George Smiley from the BBC’s 1979 version of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy.

But for now, I’ll just have to remember to put my lips together and blow.

3. Bridge on the River Kwai "Colonel Bogey March"


Also, I have to include as a footnote that the Colonel Bogey March appears again in another memorable 80s classic.  Same idea, POWs trying to make the best of a bad situation; Saturday detention.

Breakfast Club "Colonel Bogey March"



Stanley Kubrick was a sick f*ck.  Bloody brilliant director though.  I saw the Shining at a young age and that damn scene with the bear suit still freaks me out. And I saw 2001 and that damn star child still freaks me out. But, it wasn't until college that I actually saw this film. And yet, to this day, no matter how much I love his work, Malcolm McDowell still freaks me out.

2.Clockwork Orange "Singin' in the Rain"



Here it is, number one.   I hemmed and hawed of what I considered to be the most iconic musical performance in a non musical film.  It had to be something that sort of reached across some boundaries for people.   Being in my late 30s I thought back to first movie I ever rented on VHS.  We had just got a decent VCR for Christmas that year and my brother and I went down to the Valley Dairy to rent a video.  I had never seen this movie which had came out in theaters the previous summer.   It was a big hit in the theaters and had led to a recharting of an old tune from the 60s.  The scene featured two songs, lip synched by the lead character who pretty much just wanted to have a good day off from class. 

I think you know of which movie I speak.

1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off  "Danke Schoen / Twist and Shout"



Hope you enjoyed the list.  I'm going to put up an honorable mention list real soon.

The 80s Are Truly Over: RIP John Hughes

John Hughes
1950-2009

Judd Apatow might as well be dubbed the premier comedic director/writer of the first decade in the 21st century. Granted he’s only been hugely successful on the back half of the decade but that’s OK. He’s probably got a lock on pop culture that will look back on him with fondness in 20 years.

But while Judd has been able to recapture the 80s style of raunchy comedy with the likes of Superbad, Knocked Up and Forgetting Sarah Marshall, there is another writer/director that perfectly captured the angst of being a teenager 20 years earlier. Apatow’s Freaks and Geeks could be considered an updating of that genre of entertainment made popular by John Hughes, who died on August 6th. With his passing, a realization has set into my mind. The 80s are truly over.

I have preached on more than one occasion that I am a person deeply rooted in the 1980s. That decade shaped my entire life from the politics, the fashion trends, technology, and popular culture. To future generations the 80s will probably feel like the 40s or 50s. Nostalgic and revered by us. Misunderstood and scoffed at by everyone else.

So it goes that Hollywood and more importantly films of the 80s became a primer for those of us who grew up in it. We were taught that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. We learned that if you need to generate enough power to travel back in time, and don’t have plutonium, lightning will work. We understood that the only way to really impress a girl was to either stand outside her window, holding a boom box over our head, blaring Peter Gabriel or whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV. Beyond these essential life lessons we also learned that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal.

That’s the teen movement in the 80s. The simplest and most convenient definition of who we were. Shallowness was something we worked through while aspiring to be Alex P. Keaton or Gordon Gekko. It was the rite of passage we had to take to come out in the 90s as a more rounded person. But no one spoke to us like we were adults, except John Hughes. He knew exactly what if felt like to be a teen growing up in the burbs of America, dealing with angst over dating and success after high school. The comedy was front and center but the subtlety of the dialogue reached through that pastel neon exterior into the bare soul of adolescence. He was able to merge the capitalistic themes of the decade with the fragile psyche that hid behind it.

Sixteen Candles captures the follies of crushes and coming of age so perfectly, you recognize it like It was your own life. Samantha Davis falls somewhere in the middle of social status, pursuing an older guy out of her league while being pursued by a younger, awkward geek known as Farmer Ted. The food chain moves along as status is portrayed as exciting and enticing but bad. Geek mentality is played for laughs but outside of the quest for a girl’s panties loyalty and true friendship are underlying. Whether John Hughes wrote himself as the character of Samantha or Ted is beyond me though I suspect that there might have been a little bit of him in both.

When The Breakfast Club first came out I was only 11, so I didn’t see it in the theater. Before the booming market of home video and VCRs I had to wait for things to come to HBO or regular television. Of course we all know that basic cable distills out all the crudity of bare breasts and foul language so, for the most part I relied on HBO for a better enlightenment. Initially, I was not allowed to watch the film because of the language. Looking back it was pretty tame for today’s time but back then, Middle America was still loosening up its skinny tie a bit.

The film serves as a breaking down of the High School class system, taking stock characters such as “Brain” and “Athlete” and actually turning them inside out so you can see the flaws in their armor. The Brain is a failure at shop class while The Princess hates her seemingly perfect life as top of the social ladder. Yes, we are seeing a narrow cross section of all the social groups but also remember that in the 80s, the layers of social strata were thick and few, like the layers of musical genres. It wasn’t until the 90s that there was a huge splintering of types of music adding sub classes and derivatives of themes to Pop, Rock, Rap, New Wave, Blues, Jazz, and Country. Social Anthropology among high schools was as simple as a box of eight crayons. The box of 64 colors didn’t come along until later.

So, here we have these damaged and flawed archetypes thrown together in a situation that they would never experience outside of the one common denominator among kids in secondary education, detention. Institutional punishment pretty much levels the playing field on how they are treated as their roles may protest. Soon, they see the evolutionary flaw that exists in adolescence during the decade. The path to social classification is a linear, black and white road. It’s not until they are forced to examine their classmates’ character that they understand that they encompass each one of them inside themselves. For whatever reason, whether it be intelligence, physical aptitude or money, certain expectations bubbled to the surface. While they may be starkly different in their facades, they are all the same underneath. Pressure keeps them afraid to fail. Lack of adult understanding keeps them from evolving. Perception keeps them from exploring their personality.

Weird Science was more of a Freakenstein Comedy than coming of age tale. In fact, the high school aspect is pared down to an opening scene establishing the main characters as helpless geeks that are more interested in the physical aspect of the female form instead of the entire package. But that’s all you need to work from in terms of plot. Gary and Wyatt set out to build the perfect girl by combining what they believe are examples of perfection. Pulling from a trunk filled with magazines and adding in formulated behaviors like brains and aptitude, they mix together all the elements that society, especially 80s society, considers to be perfection in terms of beauty and brains.

The result is Kelly LeBrock’s, Lisa, although, I wonder where they got the British accent from in their magazine clippings. She is built and smart and everything they wanted, yet they are utterly afraid of the idea that she is there for the taking. The first thing they do is take a shower with her, wearing their jeans. The genie in the hard drive bottle is set on turning their lives upside down in an attempt to show them that fame and popularity are fleeting concepts. Fidelity and heart are long lasting. They are cooler than they realize, but like that shower scene, they are afraid to act on their instincts because they’ve been beaten and embarrassed into submissive roles. It’s a pie in the sky wish list of 80s social high points disguised in a letter to Penthouse.

Set against another typical 80s environment, a Suburbanite-Teen-House-Party-While-Parents-Are-Away, the popularity of Gary and Wyatt takes an extreme upshot as the entire class body descend on Wyatt’s uptight, 80s upper class home. Things are broken, sullied and thrown about as Gary and Wyatt once again find themselves unwilling to partake in the forbidden fruit that has eluded them during their teen years. A final straw breaks the patience of Lisa’s teaching the boys how to be real men which is not the same as what they perceive as ‘men’ in their shallow and popular counterparts. When Gary and Wyatt deal away Lisa to Ian and Max in exchange for their girlfriends in a masochistic swap, Lisa decides to make Gary and Wyatt jump off the cliff as she sends mutant bikers into the home to assault their guests. Rising to the occasion, the boys finally grab hold of all they really need in order to be heroes. It’s not the money, the clothes, the fame, or the girls. It’s the willingness to give all that away in order to do the right thing.

What ends up being apparent is that this test is more about getting Gary and Wyatt to accept that they had the power all along and to act on it. It could be about approaching girls or bullying brothers. But with that power comes great responsibility to realize that these girls, that they would gawk over and imagine in romantic situations, are not concepts but real people with real feelings. Even in their geek state, they treated women just like Ian and Max did, regardless of their actual interaction with them. By the end, everyone gets a lesson in perception.

What John Hughes did for teen comedy in the 80s is the same as what Shakespeare did with comedy in the 1600s. If Shakespeare were alive today, besides being really, really old, he’d be writing for television and popular movies. His comedies are pretty much a pastiche of similar characters, settings, and themes. John Hughes worked the medium the same way but his impact on the culture made it profitable and enjoyable.

The ideas of House Parties and Nerd Vs. Jock conflict were a common idea in the 80s. Besides the teen aspect of life, Hughes captured the convention of family vacations and holidays just as well, especially the concepts of families spending time together and apart in these situations. Adults are just as damaged as kids are, especially when it comes to living up to or surpassing the expectations of their parents and family. The plot is driven by people trying to get from Point A to Point B while dealing with outlandish obstacles.

The Vacation series, Uncle Buck and The Great Outdoors are all about families coming to grips with the idiosyncrasies that drive families to dysfunction and therapy. Man as the great world traveler. The loutish Uncle as the pseudo father figure. In-laws dealing with their different styles of parenting and social backgrounds. These all play out with tons of laughs, but it’s knowing how people really are that made Hughes a poet and genius.

Besides leaving a legacy of quotable films that no person born after 1991 will understand or appreciate, Hughes gave us all our upbringing in the 80s. He was our Dear Abby and Mike Brady, offering us advice and guidance through the murky waters of growing up during the end of The Cold War with bright colors and plastic fads. He will be missed, immensely. Even though he hasn’t been a public figure for years, his presence has been felt in movies today.

This year has truly been a sorrowful one as the icons of my childhood are slowly shuffling off the mortal coil. So, I think I will don my ripped up jeans, pop in a Thompson Twins or Simple Minds cassette, play some air keytar in my room as I reminisce about the glory days of the 80s when Farah was on my wall, Ed was on television, Michael was on the radio, and John Hughes was at the movies. Who’s with me? Bueller? Bueller?

Anyone?

Your all a bunch of Neo-Maxi Zoom Dweebies. The hell with you.



For the lighter side 80s cheese, check out one of my earliest posts, From The Path of Truth, John Hughes Hath Led Me Astray.

From the path of truth, John Hughes hath led me astray.

Warning, this entry contains cheese.

"OW, OW, CHICK, CHICKA-CHIC-KAAAAAAAAAA"

Oh Yeah! I did it. I just threw the most clichéd 80's-Teenage-Comedy-Movie-Soundtrack's First Cut right at ya! Don't mess me with me. I know the Crane Technique.

Where did I go wrong? I studied every single one of their movies. I memorized countless witty comebacks sure to leave even the most Zabkaesque of bullies quaking in their British Knights. Still, I was never named prom king for leading the class in a ridiculous, yet catchy, group dance set to a hit song by a pop synth band that prominently featured a keytar. I was never able to become a mythical corporate executive at a Manhattan company just by occupying an empty office and attempt to overthrow the cheating boss. My athletic abilities never blossomed so that I could successfully ski the K-12 with only one ski. How could I have failed? Let's go over my entire game plan and see what mistakes I made.

---

Step 1:
Establish myself as the social outcast in my school

This shouldn't be too hard. Even if I was not already considered an outcast, I should forgo all status I have by moving to nearby school where no one will suspect I am really undercover, writing a tell all expose for the school paper. If possible, try to find a school in a town where dancing has been outlawed or has a really crappy varsity sports team that I can turn into state champs with a rousing speech. I must make sure to keep the illusion of ineptitude by only sitting with those who make life decisions by tossing a 12 sided die.

I will attract the attention of the stock character known as "The Bully." I will know who he is by the three typical friends that follow him around like puppies.

• Big muscle-bound dumb jock
• Skinny smart mouth shop kid with a knife
• Tubby whipping boy who will eventually be swayed to my side once I overthrow the bully's reign.

Seek the bully out on the first day of school by spilling my lunch on him and/or embarrassing him by accident. Allow him to get the better me of until April, so that I can spring my plan into action.

Step 2:
Make things worse

Step 2 involves alienating myself further by developing an insane crush on the head cheerleader/prom queen. She should have the following features.

• Big blonde hair
• Big boobs
• Failing some class that I instantly become an expert on so l can tutor her.
• Dating or recently broke up with "The Bully."

Meanwhile I will become soul mates with the resident "Bailey Quarters." She must wear baggy clothes like sweaters and long skirts as to hide the fact that she is even hotter than the trophy girl. She must be a brunette, wear glasses, and be smarter than Ken Jennings. She has to help me in my quest while falling hopelessly in love with me. I will then spurn her advances in favor of the trophy girl and my ultimate goal of uber cool.

Step 3:
Set up the competition

Once I have established myself as the underdog, I must throw down the gauntlet with the bully and be pulled into some sort of ridiculous competition that I am completely outmatched at. If it is a sporting event that I have no skill at, it must be something that will allow me to use my intellect to overpower "The Bully." If it is a race I should use my ingenuity or the ingenuity of the local nerds to bypass the conventional route, which will be used by the bully giving him a false sense of security. I will become the tortoise to his hare. This duel will be scheduled the day before the prom to allow me to gain favor among the socially inept and undesirable members of the student body, which even though they outnumber the ruling class of bullies/jocks/pretty folks, they cower in fear at the idea of standing up for themselves.

The coolest of all nerds, if there is such a thing, will instantly become my friend on the first day or will be my cousin, either works. He will use his vast network of dorks to secure everything I need in my quest. He will sneak me into his headquarters through a hidden secret passageway, opened only through an unused locker; He will be able to procure anything I need. At some point I will be given detention for something as a show of defiance or strategic planning and will bond with other outcasts, forming a lasting friendship that will only end after high school.

Step 4:
Extreme Makeover Montage.

Wallflower girl will assist me in transforming my image from geek to chic. The first phase will be to step into the shower and magically, through the use of soap and mousse, turn into a heartthrob. My complexion will be flawless and my hair will perfectly feather. Phase two will require an unlimited supply of money, which I will have possession of through no means of explanation. I will go on a shopping spree where I will try on several ugly and uncool outfits, all meeting plain girl's disapproval. The last outfit I try on will be perfect one winning approval. Make sure it is durable in its design. I will be wearing this outfit for the next 4 months. This entire makeover should take roughly 3 minutes and be set to an inspirational pop rock song which will be instantly a hit.

Afterwards, at the food court, we will share a soda and form an emotional bond. At some point, I have to nearly kiss her only to pull away, cementing her complete and utter devotion to me. The sexual tension will be explosive but I must not lose sight of my goal.

Step 5:
Turn the tables

Unveil the new me by strutting down the crowded hallways of school turning heads and dropping jaws. Make sure to be seen by Trophy Girl who is standing at her locker being harassed by "The Bully." She will leave him in a huff and hang on my arm. He will be unimpressed but begin to doubt his hold on the school. He may, in fact, conspire with a teacher of similar rat-like morals to sabotage me.

That night I will be go on a single date with the trophy girl. At the end we will, most surely, make out. If at all possible secure a copy of Led Zeppelin IV and play side one. Plain Jane will see me kissing Trophy Girl and watch as we slip down out of view in the kick ass ride I borrowed from the Vocational Tech department. The next day, my plain friend will ignore me and not speak to me for the rest of the school year, until prom night. I should also alienate my nerd buddy at some point by beginning to shun nerdom and only hanging out with the cool kids. Don't worry, I'll apologize to him and all will be forgiven in Step 6.

Step 6:
Win the day

With only a few members of my nerd following to stell help me in the competition, I will start out falling behind "The Bully." He will cheat to gain a tremendous lead. He will even employ some kind of sabotage tactic executed by his three friends or the rat-like teacher on his side. I will then battle back to a photo finish, completing the task with half of the equipment I started out with and ultimately beat the bully in our all or nothing competition for social supremacy. This will again last about 3 minutes and will be set to an up-tempo rock song.

Afterwards, "Trophy Girl" will make her last minute choice of accompanying me to the prom, where by some stroke of luck, I will have a tux that matches her dress perfectly. Wallowing in his defeat, "The Bully" will set about to attack me with his friends as backup that night. He could even be drunk. I must remain alert and careful as he will probably take a cheap shot at me even though his physical prowess outweighs mine.

Step 7:
Get Crowned

That night I will arrive to the prom, fashionably late, after picking up the uber hot trophy girl. Her dress will obviously accentuate her curves and will make me drool. We will arrive halfway into the prom, interrupting the dancing. Everyone will cheer and congratulate me on my victory.

At some point, the band will point the spotlight at me and I will be cued to lead a "four wall line dance," creating the moves on the spot. After one verse, everyone will become an expert and join in, declaring it the neatest thing since sliced bread. This will all occur just moments before the announcement of the Prom King and Queen.

"Trophy Girl" will of course be named Queen while "The Bully" will expect to be named King. He might possibly be making his way to the stage, not realizing I will be named instead. The newly crowned couple, Me and "Trophy Girl" will begin to slow dance. Out of nowhere, the bully will appear, behind me, drunk and fuming. I will dismiss his attempts at enticing me to fight and must turn my back on him, leaving him an open shot at me. He will take advantage of my blind spot and will knock me to the ground, instantly stopping the music with a sound like a needle scratching across a record. This show of violence will succeed in clearing an eight foot radius around us. I will slowly get to my feet and think of how to fight since I will have forgot to add that to the montage earlier in the year.

Be prepared for one of three things to happen.

• I will suddenly be given the ability to fight using some weird move I learned 6 months ago in a undeveloped subplot or thrown away sequence. It will only take a couple of seconds and will render "The Bully" unconscious. Everyone will then dance on top of him.

OR

• The nerd brigade will somehow have been invited or will crash the prom, coming to my defense. Lacking dates and given the new found courage to rise up, they will probably show up to overthrow the ruling class and will stand in between me and "The Bully" causing him to back down and leave. It could be possible that they will not show up at all due to all night marathon of Star Trek: The Original Series. Be prepared and check the TV guide.

OR

• "The Bully" will attempt to make his friends do the fighting for him. They will have a change of heart and embrace their inner geek, leaving the bully to fight his own battle.

In any case, the bully will lose. He will leave, never darkening the math lab again. After the entire crowd cheers my second victory, I will then be asked to perform with the band. NOTE TO SELF: Go back and remember to learn guitar in Step 4, it will be important. Oh, and make sure to lean back to back with the keytar guy during your solo.

Step 8:
Get the girl

Accomplishing everything I could ever hope for in the span of 9 months, I will then throw it all away. My "Trophy Girl" date will attempt to embrace me, but I will thank her politely and inform her that I really don't want to be with her. She is everything I will ever hope to have, yet I will toss her aside because I spot my "Plain Jane" friend at the entrance of the gym. She will have traded her pleated skirts for a slinky prom gown that shows off her awesome figure. Her straight and pulled back hair will be styled perfectly causing her to have destroyed the ozone layer wherever she goes. Just by removing her glasses she will become instantly attractive to me and I will make my way to her, groveling and apologizing immensely. She will in turn conveniently forget my previous transgressions and join me in another round of the line dance as we close out the night. Meanwhile, my sidekick nerd who has been by my side the whole year will end up with the prom queen or one of her hot friends.

Results:

I will turn in my article for the school paper and be given a full scholarship to some prestigious university where my newly transformed girlfriend is also attending. We will live happily ever after and everything will freeze perfectly still while a final song plays, preferably "We Are the Champions."

Additional Steps:

At college, I will perform dorm room pranks while switching my major to engineering so that I can work on a top secret government project that can only be completed by extremely bright slacker college kids with no respect for authority. My best friends in the world will gather at a local watering hole where we will have our own table and will all end up betraying each other. We will slowly grow up and fogive each other as we come to grips with our fear of life after college.

---

Nope, no mistakes were made. I still don't get it. It should have worked. I should be the CEO of a major company or at least a dotcom billionaire married to Shannon Tweed.

Damn you John Hughes, damn you Val Kilmer, damn you Brat Pack! This sucks. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get ready for my shift at Captain Hooks Fish and Chips and my sister's hot friend is about to get out of the pool. I don't want her to walk in on me in the bathroom....while I'm.......swabbing the deck.

By the way, What the Fµ¢k is a Chinese Downhill?