The Action Hero Respawned

A lone hero against almost insurmountable odds. Slim chances of survival. A constant barrage of bad guys with big guns and unlimited ammo. These are the makings of an action movie from my childhood. After Star Wars allowed the Science Fiction genre to make the jump to hyperspace, George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg set their sights on terra firma and the old days of the Republic Serials. Instead of robots with lasers, Nazis with lugers were the bad guys. A treasure with biblical ramifications was the MacGuffin if you will, or plot device that grabs your attention, pulled you along the story towards its conclusion.

Regardless of the plot or other devices like Big Dumb Objects and Alien Space Bats (look them up), Raiders of the Lost Ark and the rest of the Indiana Jones movies, save the last one, all had one distinguishing feature that changed the action adventure genre, the not so good, good guy. After all, Indiana Jones was labeled a tomb robber and he didn’t exactly wear a white hat. His neutralities aren’t explicit but he’s willing to not give a shit about someone if it doesn’t figure into his plan. He even grabs one women by the throat and threatens to choke her. He does however, take umbrage at child abuse and slavery in the second film. Yet, for his lack of true north on a moral compass, Indiana Jones also possesses a sense of wry humor and mortality. Something that went away with the Schwarzenegger and Stallone action heroes, who never show pain and never run out of ammo. Jones was an ordinary Joe in extraordinary situations and he never missed an opportunity to make light of his human faults. He could bleed and be hurt and took note of how much he was at times, “It’s not the years, it’s the mileage.”

If Indiana Jones was the hero of childhood, then the high school and college crowd could identify with characters like Martin Riggs in Lethal Weapon and John McClane in Die Hard. They were still ordinary people in ordinary professions, namely police officers who became embroiled in extraordinary scenarios that tested their mettle. They were also flawed. Riggs was semi suicidal over the death of his wife and somewhat crazy. McClane had a problem with authority and had bad habits like smoking and drinking, which Riggs also did. Riggs and McClane represented a more noir style of hero, a sort of detective with vices that doesn’t always get to be the hero and doesn’t always save people. Still, what made them similar to Indiana Jones was their ability to make light of their shortcomings and take a punch. They also talked and said things during a fight that was more realistic than just getting hit and hitting back. McClane taunted his gargantuan opponent in Die Hard, “You should have heard your brother squeal when I broke his f**king neck.”

But multiple sequels diluted the brand and extensive copycats killed the genre of the thinking man’s action hero. The 21st century ushered in a new crop of action heroes with Rick O’Connell from The Mummy franchise and Ben Gates from National Treasure's. While O’Connell was more for blowing away his opponents, Ben Gates rarely, if ever uses a weapon to settle differences. Still, the idea that a quirky action hero with faults and idiosyncrasies helped humanize the character and made him more relatable to audiences of Americans who watch while gulping down buttered popcorn, sugary soda, and milk duds. Soon, however, the history was neglected and the same old problems caused the franchises to sink into the abyss of repetition, over exposure, and disbelief of premise, even if the premise was supernatural in nature. Speaking of O’Connell, another action star was born out of the sequel. Dwayne Johnson was poised to take the baton of blockbuster action hero and the passing was sort of even acknowledged in The Rundown in which Arnold Schwarzenegger makes a cameo. “Have fun” was his only line and was said in passing of Johnson.

Yet, after three action films, Johnson didn’t quite capture the same amount of street cred as an action hero like Stallone and Schwarzenegger. He was very well spoken and articulate and had the opportunity to make the landscape of Hollywood his playground. Instead he chose to be more conscious of “the brand” and took to more kiddie and family fair with films like The Game Plan, Race To Witch Mountain, and The Tooth Fairy. It certainly has been more profitable for him. If you compare his family films which show a gross revenue of more than $661 million vs. his action films which show only a bit more than $287 million in gross revenue sales. If you like, you can add the $443 or so million from The Mummy Returns despite him only being on screen for a few minutes. The end was more CGI then actual acting and that is why I removed it. I will not discount that his presence helped attract more viewers but he certainly was not top billed.

With the role of the action hero being more about personality over physicality, the chance for stars like Christian Bale, Matt Damon and Daniel Craig came about and in 2008 the hopes that a familiar man with the not so white hat would save the landscape of action adventure films without the need for pirates or mutant powers, or a batmobile. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull promised to return the fanman back to the fanboy status he so nostalgically waxed on message boards and blogs. However, the film was a shame. While it’s kind of neat to see a hero or protagonist find himself in over his head physically, the action side of Indiana Jones seemed more akin to braving the crowds at a Bob Evans on a Sunday after church. Hey, it’s hard for the young folk, too. Still, we were promised a return to the golden age of 80’s geekfare. CGI was supposed to be reserved for some background images and other things but it was clear that old school SFX trickery was not in use. Although, the aliens looked rather cheesy like their 1950s counterparts but I can’t decide if that was intentional or just a bad batch of interns at Lucasfilm.

But what should have been realized by Hollywood was that a new brand of action hero was being reborn… er respawned into existence. This one was shorter than the rest and even wasn’t even all that real, but he managed to make huge waves, in my opinion, among the troubled waters of the Hollywood Action Hero. That hero is Nathan Drake and the film isn't a film.  It's a video game series for the Playstation 3 called Uncharted.

Until 2007, the Playstation mascot was pretty much whoever was the leading protagonist of the currently released Grand Theft Auto title. However, a full year before Indiana Jones dusted off the fedora, Nathan Drake hit the shelves in Uncharted: Drakes Fortune. Sadly, I did not pick up the game and resisted it from the outset. I downloaded the demo and found the controls harder than normal, especially using grenades. The demo contained one of the most frustrating levels which involved being pinned down in a jungle setting among what looked to be like a courtyard ruins. It is nearly impossible, for me anyway, to complete that section without running out of ammo, which leads me to run headlong into the fray to duke it out with a baddie to get his gun. Because of that demo, I pretty much stayed away from the game for nearly three years. Boy, was I missing out.

It’s kind of fitting though, because had I actually played the whole game before seeing Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I would have probably imploded. Taking a few years to shrug off the damage to my childhood perpetrated by Spielberg and Lucas I was able to come back around and get into Uncharted. If you haven’t played it or the sequel you are missing out on what are probably the greatest action movies not on film or television.

The hero, a supposed descendant of Sir Francis Drake has all the faults and quirks that had embodied Indiana Jones, John McClane, and Martin Riggs. He’s a lovable jerk who can run and gun and still be a dick to people with a smile. Game play notwithstanding, the true treasure of this series is the script and cut scenes. The acting and motion capture of the characters is a near perfect facsimile of real life. Nolan North, whose name sounds almost like an action hero, gives Drake a sense of humor and humility. The guy goes throw so much crap and gets hurt, a lot, but still has the balls to call someone an asshole. The catchphrases are not catchphrases here. There’s no, “Hasta La Vista” or “Yippie Kay Yay” to cling to, just, “Keep smiling asshole” and “ Oh, crap.” And it’s not like he’s some piece of beefcake to entice girl gamers like Lara Croft was to guys. He has not extraordinary features and has a typical look but it’s the personality that makes him so likeable.

I spent a week on Uncharted and a week on Uncharted 2, all of which will be drooled over by me in an upcoming post. I While I made it a point to try and collect ever single bauble on screen in part one, I’ve completely forgotten about picking up treasures because I’m so engaged by the action. Now, I’m not just talking about the actual game play. I’m speaking about the integration of cinematics and cut scenes into the story. It all flows seamlessly. To use an example, in games like Grand Theft Auto, which I also love, you have an open world. You travel from place to place and do missions. Each mission starts with a cut scene or setup and then it switches back to actual game play. In Uncharted, you could be walking along and then a tank just bursts through a wall at you or a bridge gives way and you suddenly surrender control of the game to this second or two of action and then you are back to running and it all happens without loading or cutting away of the action. Naughty Dog found a way to tie actual game play to storyline without sacrificing atmosphere and commitment from the player. The timing does not skip a beat. You feel like you are playing a movie more than a game because of the constant interplay of movies and NPC action that pushes the character along. Not to mention, the storyline is compelling and the acting is top notch.

Take note Hollywood, Naughty Dog has succeeded where you have severely failed in bringing back the action hero. Unfortunately, there is talks for a movie in the works which can only mean epic fail is on the horizon for the newly crowned king of the action hero genre. Talks are still early and hopefully Uwe Boll will be nowhere near this project lest it suck more than it probably will. Looking at what happened to the reigning queen of action video games, Lara Croft, when she was put into two lackluster films, I’d hate to see how bad Hollywood could screw this up.

Of course, you’ll have to get someone into the role of Nathan Drake and I fear the usual Hollywood machine will try to turn this film out with Bradley Cooper, Matthew McConaughey, Gerard Butler, or Ryan Reynolds taking the lead role. Might I make a suggestion? If you’re going to do it, why not use the guy who created the character, Nolan North. He kind of has the look of Drake in the game and after all, it was his physical form that was used to model the character using motion capture suits. He definitely has the acting chops for the dialogue and given the proper weight and free climbing training he could totally pull it off.

Sadly, I know this will not be the case. The only other acceptable substitution could be that of Nathan Fillion. He actually happens to be a year younger than North. Eddie Cibrian has the facial look, Josh Duhamel has the physique but truthfully, I think Nolan North should be the only real choice for the film. I think from a game fan standpoint you appease a huge concern over a movie being made not to mention those unfamiliar with the film will be drawn in by the everyman appeal of a virtually unknown actor except those trained to pick up his voice from other video games. I also feel the inclusion of a bunch of lesser known actors would do wonders for its credibility among the other game to film projects. Once again, can we say Tomb Raider and Doom?

Then again, to pull this off would be nothing short of an action hero’s regular day. The odds of success are against you. The amount of bad guys in Hollywood coming at you with all kinds of unlimited crap. Slim chances of survival at the box office. Sounds like the perfect scenario for Nathan Drake. Hail to the new king of Action Heroes. Have fun, but don’t get comfortable.

You Call This Archaeology? Indy IV is whipped.

Continuity.  It is what bridges the gap from old to new in a film franchise's universe.  What you had a character say or do twenty years ago has to be able to slide right into timeline of existing canon.  It is also an ever ready and easily accessible weapon for fans and critics of a film when an iconic hero gets dusted off years after the last incarnation to ride into the sunset one more time.  When you take time off from the original source material to produce other works that are considered canon, you find yourself bound and sometimes shackled by something you never thought you'd have to back up later.  Such is the case with the most recent Indiana Jones film, the fourth in the franchise, titled Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

For being 33, my whole childhood revolved around two film trilogies that involved Harrison Ford.  He's one of, if not, my favorite actor of all times.  Luckily, when George Lucas came around to making the prequel trilogy for the Star Wars Saga, he opted to leave Han Solo out, which was a smart move.  Here, you are kind of required to include Ford as he is the titular character in the Indiana Jones films.  I remember seeing each film in the theater during their original run.  In fact, I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark in one of those old movie houses with the grand interior design and balcony seating,  as well as the completely furnished lounge amid the restrooms.  As a testament to old school films of the 30's, in which all three originals are set, mid way through the picture, the film broke.  It was a cliff hanger almost by design on the part of the projectionist as we were left on the edge of our seats as Indy was in a dire situation that seemed hopeless.  With Crystal Skull, the only thing that seems hopeless is the ability to connect it to the original films.

First off, right away, let me say that for all intents and purposes of genre, the film works.  The plot is appropriately aged to the 1950's as Ford has gained 19 years in age since Last Crusade.  Instead of Nazi stooges, we are in the midst of the Cold War, mid to post McCarthy Era Red Scare America where black lists are real and are a relevant topic considering the post 9/11 Patriot Act debate.  Instead of religious artifacts with supernatural abilities sought out by those who wish to use them for their own selfish and evil purposes, we get the feeling of the 1950's sci-fi B-movies where spaceships and aliens are commonplace and shadowy government figures are interested in extra-terrestrial powers of the mind while America moves into the Atomic Age.  Unfortunately, it just doesn't work for me with an archaeologist at the helm.

Right off the bat we get thrown into the nostalgia of the 1950's.  The Nevada desert outside of Roswell New Mexico sets up the action as an army detail approaches Hangar 51 and after bypassing security, the retrieve some baggage from the trunk and we are reintroduced in silhouetted and musical fashion to our whip wielding hero, Indiana Jones.....albeit a little older and not as spry.  It seems he and fellow adventurer, George "Mac" McHale have been politely asked by a cadre of Communist conspirators to locate a needle in a stack of needles deep within a secret government warehouse that contains, of all things, The Lost Ark of the Covenant, passing the torch from the original films to the new one.  One can only guess, that today, the remaining crates in the warehouse contain the only original copy of The Star Wars Holiday Special and those thousands of E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial game cartridges that were supposedly buried in the New Mexican dessert.

Escaping from his captors, Jones makes his way into the hands of the feds who see him as a person of interest in dealing with communism since he obviously aided and abetted them in their theft of one large and very magnetic crate.  Once debriefed and decontaminated from an atomic bomb test Jones finds himself paired up with Mutt Williams,played by Shia LeBouf as a greaser with a Marlon Brando and hair care complex, who enlists him to help track down a mutual friend on the advice of his mother.  Following clues and fleeing the bad guys, Indy and Mutt, find themselves poking around in a cemetery with some very weird looking skeletons and one rather weird paperweight, the films namesake Crystal Skull.  Once again captured, everyone has a rousing reunion as Indy learns a few secrets and agrees to help the Russian baddie, Irina Spalko, played dominatingly by Cate Blanchet.  Under penalty of death of his old friend, Harold Oxley (John Hurt) and old flame Marion Ravenwood Willams (Karen Allen), Indy pieces together more clues and communes with the skull to understand his whacked out schoolmate.   Chases ensue, insects attack, and ancient cities are discovered as Indy and company twist there way up the Amazon towards the climax which will just about make you want to say, "Did that just happen?"

Before we all start shouting fanboy Schadenfruede, let's take a look at how this mess was orchestrated.  After Last Crusade Lucas let time lapse on the series as he had run out of MacGuffins to chase around the world.   Yet, if he could come up with one that he, Spielberg, and Ford could agree upon, they would make another film.  As the years went by and Ford began to age, although not quite as fast as Walter Donovan in Last Crusade after choosing poorly, the plot and everything supporting it had to convincingly advance in years.  During that time, Lucas produced the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles which gave bookends to the films in terms of Indy's adventures, including his further brushes with historical figures.  He was Forrest Gump before Forrest Gump in terms of association with history.   The script itself had its own brushes with fame as everyone from Frank Darabont to M. Night Shyamalan and Tom Stoppard had their hands in the pot.  Unfortunately, an ultimatum was issued by Ford saying that if the film could not be produced by 2008 he would be against it since he felt he'd be too old to make it believable.  Going into scramble mode, Lucas fell back upon his love for the 50's B-movie genre and this Crystal Skull idea that he'd toyed with during Young Indy's run on television.  A writer, a script, and a movie came together and filming began on June 18, 2007.

As a promise from Spielberg and in direct contrast with everything that Lucas has now become, CGI was to be used sparingly in environment backgrounds and in some cases that it deemed necessary, otherwise it was old school effects and tricks of the trade that they so beautifully employed in the first three films.  Also, to keep the feel of the originals, Spielberg opted to film digitally, but traditionally, another concept now abandoned by Lucas.  Ford got in shape and was said to look in better shape than he did 20 years ago. 
I only wish they would have got off their duffs ten years ago or had just decided to follow Ford's statement and gave up.  As I said, I am a big Indy fan and a lover of all things Lucas and Spielberg.  However, here's why I just cannot get into the film the way I should be able to.  I feel lied to.  It's obvious CGI was used for more than just background enhancements as one huge scene towards the end defied all physical laws of nature.  Not to mention, it became painfully apparent that Ford did not do a majority of the stunts including a lot of the work in the warehouse scenes.  His face is never seen, shots are poorly lit or from a distance and there is noticeable edits and departure of character from visibility before Ford reenters from off screen.   Even when close up, his whip work was done gingerly and to an off-screen object.  19 years ago there were full shots of him slinging the ole bullwhip.  Just seeing this quote from AP gave me goose bumps because I felt that Spielberg had learned from Lucas' mistakes with the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy yet I was devastated as if I had found out that underneath Santa's beard there was my father putting toys under the tree.

"It's horrifying to work on a movie that has this many fans, but at the same time, it's an opportunity and a challenge," Pablo Helman told The Associated Press at the ILM offices less than a week before its release. "I think we were all very, very respectful of the other three movies but also to the fans. All the effects work that we're doing are completely reality-based."

With that in mind, three big action sequences took full use of CGI effects.  One involved an amphibious vehicle, another involved bugs, and the third involved the climax.  Now, don't get me wrong, I understand that an inflatable raft falling from a plane onto a mountainside and then over a cliff into the rapids is a stretch of the imagination in terms of physics but they made you believe it with old school trickery.

Let's take a look at the bad guys.  The Nazis were pretty a go to bad guy for the first and third film being that it was set in the mid to late 30's.  Here we have the Russians since it's the cold war.   Some foreign critics are offended that the movie is intended to bring about a cold war.  Well, if that's the case, we shouldn't be too worried about our enemy.  They were dumb, slow, and not very effective at being evil.  It's sad to know that Pat Roach couldn't be a part of the film as he died in 2004.  He didn't have a huge fight scene in Last Crusade but his presence was felt.  In Crystal Skull, who is the big burly mini boss that Jones has to fight?  Oh, that's right he's the guy that dukes it out with the stunt double.  It was a good knock down, drag out fight, but he hardly looked menacing enough to hurt Indiana Jones.  Even the main villain, Irina Spalko, wasn't all that menacing.  Yeah she looks like a dominatrix from Cabaret and is handy with a sword, but Walter Donovan shot Henry Jones Sr.  That takes balls. Here the only thing ballsy about the Russians is that come onto American soil during the 1950's. In another moment that requires you to really suspend disbelief were are supposed to go along with the notion that the Russians with accents would have a snowball's chance in the Temple of Doom of sneaking into the U.S., let alone area 51, during the Red Scare?

How could this movie have been better?  I don't know that I have the answer.  I'm not a Hollywood scribe or director so listening to me is like listening to the armchair quarterback after you lose the big game.  However, I offer up these suggestions.  Keep Marion, keep Mutt, keep Harold Oxley, and keep the Russians, but reduce MacHale's role. We'll have him show up in the beginning and then at the end. "Mac" was a waste of Ray Winstone's acting, making the role a one note redux of Kevin J. O'Connor's character from The Mummy.  Acknowledge the passing of time, Marcus Brody, and Daddy and even throw in all the age jokes. Now, redo the beginning to add in the original opening gamuts that were a staple of the Indy movies. Instead of opening directly in 1957, have it go back to the end of WWII and have Mac and Indy on the trail of some weird artifact that the Nazi's want. These details were kind of given to the audience during the debrief scene as we learn that Indy had joined the armed forces and helped fight during WWII. At the end of the opening bit, have Mac be supposedly killed off or lost as Indy races to escape from the Nazis. Flash forward to 1957 and resume the film. Lose the bit during the coffee shop and go right from Indy getting fired, Mutt saving him, and then off to South America.....oh and lose the bike. Have a scene about him parking it at Indy's for now. There was no point to it being in South America and it gets left behind anyway. Keep the graveyard scene and have them be taken to the Russian camp where everyone reunites sans MacHale. Instead of Mutt giving reason for escape, have Marion resort to her old tricks as a drinking game ensues with Russian Vodka. She leaves a passed out soldier and moves to free Mutt where she finds a tied up Indy and their reunion happens in a tent while the tension increases as they try to escape. Keep the recapture and lose the communing with the skull in order to understand Oxley. The threat of killing Marion and Indy's now revealed son will be enough of a threat to entice his assistance. Keep the back of the truck squabble and escape and even all the action with the hot potato skull tossing until we get to the bug sequence. Lose the death defying CGI water sports and go with a more traditional miniature or realistic looking sequence to drive us into the final act. Keep the rest until we get to the big reveal. Then, I'm at a loss because I think there was a big huge hole in the script that they tried to fill with anything that could work.

If that doesn't still woo you, try these alternative ideas directly from the brain of Mongo.

Indiana Jones and the Lost City of Atlantis

It's 1957 and America is thrust into the Cold War.  With Nazi Germany a thing of the past, a new terror rises in the East, communist countries like Russia and Cuba threaten our freedom with the development of new weapons of mass destruction.  But, while America possesses the Atomic Bomb, Russia's top experts discover clues that lead them to believe a weapon of even greater destruction is hiding in the Lost City of Atlantis.  Now a tenured professor, Indiana Jones lectures on lost civilizations while an onlooker in his class seems out of place.  He doesn't appear to be an enrolled student and after class, he approaches Jones about the topic.  He admits that he isn't a student but that a friend of the family, Harold Oxley has been kidnapped while searching for a lost artifact that could lead him to the Lost City.  Traveling with the professor, he and his mom were abducted but Mutt escapes with the notion that only one man could be trusted with their rescue, Indiana Jones.  Jones and Mutt travel to remote locations in order to piece together clues to the whereabouts of the city while the Russians watch their every move.  Once finding the city, Jones must keep the weapon out of the hands of the Russians and therefore ends up destroying what's left of the city in an effort to keep the world safe from this ancient technology that may or may not be extraterrestrial in design.

Indiana Jones and the Water of Life

Basically the same set up with Jones and the Russians competing to find the Fountain of Youth except set the clock back about 5 or 6 years to the beginning of the 50's.  Here you get the acknowledgement of both Indy and Marion's age and they can even take a sip from the fountain and be CGI restored, ala X-Men Last Stand to their younger selves for a brief moment before the fountain runs dry and the Russians lose their precious chance to take the waters back to Stalin so that he can become youthful and stay in power.

Indiana Jones and the Tree of Knowledge

Again, the basics stay the same.  Here we have Jones and the Russians going toe to toe in Mesopotamia to find the Garden of Eden and therefore the Tree of Knowledge that Adam and Eve ate from.  It's more religious than sci-fi but it again gives you a plot device that can be used to enhance the Soviet's power and also goes towards Spalko's thirst for knowledge.  It could ultimately play out that the almighty himself makes another appearance and the garden turns on the Russians making for a hasty escape before being swallowed up by the sand.  Granted, it smells of Mummy Returns but a lot of Crystal Skull smelled of other movies.

Regardless of my unimportant opinions, the movie will make lots of money as according to www.the-numbers.com the five day take was somewhere in the neighborhood of $151 million with a wordwide gross of over $300 million. I just feel as we got a cheapened cobbled together attempt at fulfilling a promise and once again CGI became a crutch. I can only hope that we don't have to wait another 20 years to have a good Indy film and I hope that they don't decide to pass the whip to the younger generation. Also, in the future, stick to what has worked for over 20 years. Good story, good dialogue (there are hardly any quotable lines in this film. Where's the greats like, "It's not the years, it's the mileage." "No time for love, Dr. Jones." "No ticket." and "He choose poorly." We get a few quips from Jones but nothing that great. Hopefully, all the stars will align and we can get a better offering down the road a couple years. Otherwise, I feel like we're going to have to deal with Mutt Williams and the Whatever of the Whoosi-whatsit. That would be intolerable.

Indiana Jones and The Last Chance

It was the fall of 1981 and my parents have decided to endure two hours in a movie theater with their youngest son. We traveled to this old style theater, which I assume is no longer around. It was the kind of place that had those huge lounges, with couches in the restrooms below the box office. The theater itself had those little art deco style lights on the aisle seats illuminating a small path down towards the screen. It was here that I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark at the tender age of six. From the moment the Paramount logo dissolved into a mountain in the Peruvian jungle the rollercoaster never stopped. As a kid who had any exposure to serials of the 50's and 60's, I was stoked. Not just because my hero, Harrison Ford, was trying on a new outfit and character. This film was one of my defining moments in cinemas as a child. The others being Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back. Nothing could have snapped me out of the blockbuster trance I was in except for the fact that the film broke and melted towards the middle as if to foreshadow the fates of Belloq and his fellow Nazis.

Now, you may ask yourself, "What kind of parents would take their six year old to a movie where the power of God causes Nazis' faces to melt?" These are parents who, two years earlier, had to have their four year old explain Ralph Bakshi's Lord of the Rings to them. I was a little advanced in the realm of movies as a kid. That's not to say that I didn't have my freak out moments as a kid. The original Nightmare on Elm Street and Poltergeist scared the bejezzus out of me and I didn't see them until two and three years later on HBO.

Raiders was the kind of film that threw out the rule book as far as how to make an action film. First off, the hero did not necessarily come adorned with a white hat. Indy's brown fedora and unshaven face signified a break from the norm. While he searched for historical artifacts to be ultimately kept in a museum for posterity and examination, he expected to be well paid for his efforts. On one side of the coin he is a button down, bow tie wearing, professor of archaeology. Quite a polar opposite to his moonlighting as a shoot first, ask questions later approach to being the "finder of rare antiquities." He doesn't always follow the letter of the law as explained in the sequel/prequel Temple of Doom. Secondly, where most films until this point had the hero being triumphant and never wavering in the face of adversity. Jones got his ass handed to him on a regular basis. There are at least four instances throughout the series where he got lucky or had some assistance in disposing of a foe to which he was clearly outmatched. Lastly, the action never stopped. It was one mess after the next and Jones is constantly having to reinvent his plan to get out of the debacle, "making this up as I go" he says.

Now, 27 years after the original Raiders film, Spielberg and company have decided to dust off the oldest of all rare antiquities, Harrison Ford. I kid because I love. Ford is after all 65 and it seemed as if the search for a new Indiana Jones film was as fruitful as a search for the real Ark of the Covenant. The film had been in limbo since 1989 when The Last Crusade rode off into the sunset along with our heroes. To make matters worse, Ford was already close to 50 when the last film was released. If lightning was to be captured once again, they did not have the healing powers of the grail to keep him young. Years have gone by while the holy trinity of my childhood movie geekdom has tossed the ideas and scripts back and forth. All of them voicing concerns over each go at it. Ford, apparently the only one with a logical versus fantastical grasp of the obvious, stated that the film should either be made by 2008 or the entire idea dropped all together. Finally, everyone stood up and took notice and got down to brass tacks. An old idea from the days of the Young Indiana Jones television series finally got its comeuppance. Now, instead of the movie being a throwback to the original Republic Pictures Serials', it could be homage to the 1950's B-movies. Of course, these are the kind of movies prominently shown during Mystery Science Theater 3000's hysterical run.

With this in mind, I have certain reservations with this new chapter in the saga of Indiana Jones. The trailer debuted awhile back and I couldn't help but feel like this was a bad idea. The concept of a rough and tumble protagonist who looks like he should be searching for an early bird special instead of priceless artifacts throws me. So far, it’s clear that a lot of the stunt work is shown from a wide angle allowing the filmmakers the opportunity to conceal the stunt man's face. The editing can only do so much in terms of matching up fact from fiction when it comes to whether or not the real Ford could swing backwards into a moving truck or into a glass window. While the McGuffin, the crystal skull, is a supernatural item by nature, it has no religious undertones which have been a staple of the series. We are now moving into the realm of extraterrestrial and that is a bit out of Jones' league. Unless they build in a back-story on how he develops a vast knowledge of supposed alien artifacts it seems that he will have nothing to offer in the realm of insight. Jones' day job as a professor of archaeology may have to be scuttled in favor of him teaching a night class on government conspiracy at the local community college. Then there is, of course, the question of his age and the apparent acknowledgement of such. "It's not the years, it's the mileage," is probably the most quoted line from the movies just ahead of "No ticket!" and "Asps, very dangerous. You go first." While we all agree that Ford is not the man we knew 19 years ago. I'd like to think that he's immortal and untouchable. Sure, he gets thrown around and beat up and bloodied on nearly every occasion but he's always back with a vengeance or a sneer. I hope the movie doesn't become a 2 hour long Geritol joke. I'm almost afraid to watch for fear that at one broken down moment, Jones will declare, "I'm too old for this sh...." only to be cut off by a continued beating.

In my mind the quest for the perfect script is like the quest for the Holy Grail. There is no medal for second place. It's a test of faith and integrity. Only a true soul will triumph. Spielberg, Lucas, and Ford need to stay true to the character. Indy's M.O. usually follows this pattern.

Paramount logo transforms into mountain or other mountain faced object.

• Opening gambit


• Get sucked into a situation I really don't want to be involved in.


• Show disbelief in magical object. Only be in it for the end result.


• Get pulled further into the situation because of someone who ends up tagging along.


• Get a hold of titular object or ultimate clue for getting titular object only to have it taken away at weapon point.


• Fight, use intellect, quip here, quip there, get captured, escape, get captured, get hurt, and fight back.


• Have a showdown in which the plot device figures into ability to get away from the bad guys.


• Tender moment, plot device gets lost, is returned to rightful owner, or gets locked away in huge warehouse.


• Raiders March.

That's it. That is how the movies work and they work beautifully. Will the change from style of the 1930's to the 1950's change how this will play out, I don't know. What I do know is that I don't want to see any CGI that takes the place of something that could be achieved through old school film trickery. Not to say I want to see the strings attached to the airplanes, but I don't Jurassic Park or Star Wars style special effects. The producers have stated that the film will only use CGI to enhance the environment not take the place of action which will be done with traditional stunts and special effects as to resemble the previous films. This is the only piece of information that gives me any comfort. While I know Spielberg knows how to make a movie, I have started to lose trust in George Lucas. I'm sorry George. I love ya, man. But I have so many reservations with Episodes I-III that I can't help but feel a little cheated. Don't feel bad, I am one of the few people that loved Radioland Murders and understood what you going for and believe me, I get it. Just keep your tech happy hands off the movie and just help shape a great story.

Granted, all of these hopes and dreams are just that. The movie has been made. It's ready to unspool at Cannes next month. The hope for fortune and glory is already set in stone and won't be easily moved like a bouncing block from the wall of the Well of Souls. When all is said and done I can only pray that Spielberg et al. have chosen wisely because it this thing falls quicker than a Nazi driven tank into the Canyon of the Crescent Moon you'll be scratching your heads as to why no one likes it. All I'm saying is that you better be pretty sure you're delivering a blockbuster or you'll decimate all of our memories of a wonderful franchise full of great characters and mythology. When the returns come back while you and Lucas are sitting on a beach in Hawaii. When you start thinking you've got a hit a hit on your hands and say, "Good, God!", remember, "That's just what the Hebrews thought."