Get In, Get Out, Get Robbed

I hate using cash.  I absolutely hate using physical bills to pay for goods and services.  Why?

CLEANLINESS

I’ve worked in retail, entertainment, and food industry jobs where cash was usually the only option for paying.   A microscopic look at the bills put into your hands by customers would make the monsters from Pacific Rim look about as threatening as the Care Bear Cousins.

SPACE

My wallet is akin to something George Costanza would carry.  I stopped putting my wallet into my back pocket years ago to keep the scoliosis at bay.  Also, my card sits right next to my “loyalty” card for whatever store I’m patronizing.   I don’t need to flip through the various folds of my wallet looking for bills to cover the cost.  Not to mention the change you get back having to be organized on your person.  Coins go in a pocket… small bills go in a pocket… large bills in your wallet.  

SPEED OF SERVICE

You have to find the bills.  You have to count the bills.  You have hand over the bills.  They have to count the bills.  They have store the bills.  They have to count out your change.  You have to organize the change.  (see SPACE)

ACCOUNTABILITY

After working where I’ve worked and patronizing where I’ve patronized, using cash leads to errors.   It can either be unintentional or purposely erred on either side of the counter.   When you use a credit or debit card you are creating a paper or electronic trail.  You can physically see the transaction from your institution to the vendor.  If there is an error, it can be seen and dealt with at the POS, or if anything else, you are protected (Well, you should be), by the financial institution transferring the money.    It can take awhile or be an inconvenience to deal with, but so is losing money and/or identity theft.

So, I told you all that to tell you this.   My 74 year old father-in-law uses cash about 80% of the time he pays for anything.  The exceptions are utility bills, credit card bills, and taxes.   Whenever I happen to be out with him, and he needs to get gas in his car, I usually do the pumping and paying.  Yesterday, we stopped at the GetGo in North Huntington, PA.   I pumped the gas and the total came up $54.00.   He handed me the fifty.   Then he handed my four singles.  I placed all of the cash in my left hand and  folded it up.

I walked to the store about 8:05PM, and as I approached the counter, a lady in a green shirt, carrying some groceries approached the same space from a blind aisle.

We sort of did this weird standoff thing where neither one of us moved.   Usually, I would have let her go, even if I was the next person in line.   It just so happened that we had dropped my wife, who was feeling under the weather, off at the store to get some cold medicine and with the rains yesterday, I didn’t want her waiting outside at the store for us to come back and pick her up.     So, I jumped in and handed my cash to the cashier, thinking this would be a quick transaction.   I was trying to practice some Utilitarianism or Vulcanism by fulfilling the needs of the many vs. the needs of the few… or the one.

As I waited for confirmation from the cashier, I turned my attention away from the counter and other people.   Let’s just say it.  I did a quick scan of my Powerball ticket from Saturday.   At that point, the cashier repeated the purchas price and I confirmed. She then said, “You only have $4.00 here.”

I stopped.  I looked in my hands.  I looked around.   I looked back at the counter.  I had five bills in my hands.  I know I did.   Knowing that I was now impacting more peoples’ times, I grabbed the four dollars off the counter and explained that I would be right back.  I needed to tell my father-in-law to go pick up my wife and that I would deal with this.

He left and I retraced my footsteps back to the store.   He would have seen my path to the door from his vantage point.   What the hell just happened.   I expressed that I had no way of not having $54.00 in bills in my hand but that I would deal with this separately, and paid for the gas with my card.   I then went on my way of walking from the GetGo to meet my father-in-law at the front entrance of the Giant Eagle in rain.  He had already picked up my wife and I got in to the jeers of “You are truly an idiot with money” from my wife and my father-in-law saying, “’I’ll pay you back.”   I think at some point, I may have used some unflattering words about the situation.  Karma will find me for that I’m sure.

I called Customer Care when I got home and they put in a request to view the tapes.

Today, I received a call from them and they went through the video while I was in the store.  You can see the following.

• I approach.
• The other lady approaches.
• I put money on the counter.
• I turn my attention away for a brief period.
• The lady in the green shirt bends over, out of view.
• The cashier counts my money, twice, expresses confusion.
• I take the remaining bills and leave the store.
• The lady in green completes her purchases and leaves.
• I return and talk some more.
• I then pay with my card and talk with the cashier.
• I leave.

The fifty dollar bill never made it to the counter.  Somewhere between me lifting my arm to place it on the counter and the money actually laying on the counter it disappears.

So, what happened.

I know what I think happened and I know what I would like to believe happened, but truthfully, it is not something I could prove*… So, as my wife, wonderfully pointed out, I am an idiot.   It’s true.  There are plenty of instances where this kind of thing is clearly demonstrated with me and pockets and receipts and cash.  She found a $100 in our driveway once and was overjoyed until she realized it was the one I dropped.

So, in the end, I applaud Giant Eagle/GetGo for their process of responding to and reviewing this incident.   I am also glad that I did not accuse the cashier and that through review of the tape, a little bit of my faith in the youth of America has been restored in that she did not take my father-in-law’s cash. I accept that I am an idiot that not only did not win the Powerball on Saturday, but am now out an additional $50.00 because I had to check my non-winning ticket.   What I do not accept is that someone could have stolen that fifty for whatever reason.  

Speculation breeds conspiracy theories.  They were pissed that I cut them off because they had two handfuls of stuff to buy.   They were a low life that planned to go buy drugs or alcohol with the ill gotten gains.   They bought an extra pack of donuts with the fifty.  Like I said, I made some disparaging comments about them after it happened.  This is my karmic retribution.   I can only hope that they truly needed it more than myself.   I am willing to be out fifty dollars if it helps someone get by another day in their own worse situation than myself.

But, I hope that fifty somehow made its way from a hooker and is now giving someone else syphilis.  The kind that looks and acts like those things from Pacific Rim.  Then again, my hand has been itching since yesterday.

This is why I never use cash and use lots of soap.

*Seriously, if you are the person who took that fifty off the floor, I sincerely hope you needed it.  I have documented time and time again how I try to do the right thing.  I have put my time and satisfaction second when it comes to those less fortunate or the elderly in a lot of occasions, usually to the amusement of my readers.   If your situation is dire and that fifty was a miracle to you, then I accept that and will kindly say, "You're welcome. I hope you can pay it forward."

If you took it because you are just a horrible person, then fine.  Live with that. I will.   Just know that you were seen on the tape and if you used your Advantage Card, that was also seen by the cashier and their system.   You aren't smart enough to beat the system of record in this century.  You got away with a small victory, but the loss prevention department is reviewing all of this and I hope it was worth it.  Bravo to you.

Delta Went Down To Georgia

In a prelude to my thoughts on the Vegas trip, I wanted to put up a separate post about air travel and the huge differences between two airlines running the same flight and the airports that were running them.

Because my trip was supposed to be a business one, I tried to keep the cost low by taking the lower priced tickets that included at least one stop and was not first class. Also, because I was using a third party site for booking the trip, my options were limited to what they suggested and I had to be at a particular place at a particular time due to the conference schedule.

Since the conference was cancelled, I had already book the flight and thought, “What the hell?” I booked my wife a ticket and we did Vegas as a second honeymoon. I booked her tickets right alongside my seats to ease her fears of flying for the first time.

I booked a flight from Pittsburgh International which included one stop in Atlanta. There was an hour layover between the flights which were one terminal apart. I went with Delta because they had the most direct flight at the time I wanted. 2:41pm – 7:15pm. Walking up to the counter to check my bag and print out my boarding passes was simple.

Going through security was simple, although I was subjected to my first back scatter scan. Hopefully, I don’t look silly on their monitors. Still, the process was rather simple and as much as I object to the security theater that this country has employed since 9/11, I wasn’t about to be one of those nuts with the 4th amendment tattooed on my chest in protest. As it is, I could probably print the entire Constitution.

Boarding was a snap, though I don’t understand the process. At first, I was thinking that planes board all first class and special needs flyers, then Zones 1-? front to back. At least, when you get on the plane and everyone in the front of economy is seated and you are stuck in a line with people waiting to get to the back of the plane. Then, I saw this site and take it for what it’s worth. Why don’t planes board from back to front? Add more zones, each with just a few rows and board them in reverse from back to front.

Now, once we got moving, it was all good. Delta offered us a drink, which for an hour flight isn’t necessary, I think. We landed in Atlanta and made our way to the next gate. No problems. We boarded our next flight, the long one, and settled in for a five hour trek to Vegas.

First of all, I understand that the economy has been rough. Airlines have had it especially rough since 9/11. But, beyond TSA antics and fears about another incident, airlines really need to figure out a better way to attract customers. Charging them for checked bags, acting like pricks, and losing shit isn’t the way to do it. Is air travel necessary? Yes, for some. But it’s the new customers you need to get hooked on your product. You want to keep the regulars happy with repeat incentives, improvements. But you need to do something right for the new customer to keep him from going with a different airline or not flying at all. Delta, is getting the message. At least, I feel that they are.

The flight from Atlanta was exceptional. It was a pretty big plane to start. 2x3x2 rows. We had a 2 seat row which was nice and in the back of every seat was this little monitor. At first, it showed the safety video, which honestly is ridiculously laughable, anymore. Who really follows along with the fold out insert tucked inside the seat back in front of you? If you’ve never flown and seen the spiel once, or you’ve seen every reused joke about airlines in movies, then you know what’s going on in terms of plane safety. Besides, if the plane is upside down on fire and going down over the Atlantic, are you really worried about whether or not your mask is inflating? No, you’re thinking about all those bad things you did recently and asking for forgiveness. So, after we get a goofy video from the CEO of Delta, we get the option of playing around with these monitors. They displayed flight information like an overhead map, distance travelled, speed, time remaining, temperature, etc. Then, given the fact that you’ve bought headphones, you can listen to music or purchase movies to watch and games to play. (Here’s a secret. My Dollar Store Ear Buds worked just fine. No need to purchase their headphones.) But beyond that, they had access to a lot of television stations. We watched the Halloween marathon on AMC for most of the trip there.

Now, here’s where I get shamed. In the middle seats next to us, a family of four settled in for the trip. There was both parents, a four year old boy and a seven month old. I wholeheartedly expected those kids to be fussy or rambunctious, making a ton of noise. As a parent, I take that as a given and accept it. I don’t judge. But the four year old made nary a peep the whole trip, playing with his little hand held game console. The seven month old was a little doll. Hardly fussed or caused problems at all. My wife and I sat in awe of this couple, who we found out travelled a lot. I guess the kids are used to it, but man I was floored.

Flight attendants were spectacular, offering us two rounds of drinks and two snacks consisting of either two packs of peanuts, pretzels or a two pack of cookies. In all, this was probably my most enjoyable flight, ever.

Coming back was a totally different story.

I Don't Know Is Not An Answer

Having worked in the customer service field a number of years in both the food industry and corporate office environment I can safely say that once in a while you kind of have to make shit up. I’m not talking total lie about something but you can recognize a foul up or potential issue and while it may be of little impact to fix, the perception by a customer that you’ve fouled up can be devastating.

Case in point. This weekend I spent both days helping my sister-in-law move. It was much my like my own disaster of moving from one place to the other. Limited time. Limited help. Multitude of stuff. I caught lunch on the fly from McDonald’s and ate it while driving on the turnpike from my place to hers.

Now, I already have a prepared sense of “This will get screwed up” with this particular location but what makes matters worse is the fact that it has a double drive thru. Of course I ended up embarrassing my wife during the whole process.

First off, when you get to the speaker to give your order they come on with this, “Thank you for blah blah, would you like to try a Filet O Fish value meal.” I just said, “No.” My wife looked at me like, “Prick, much?” I told her that it’s a prerecorded greeting and that I’m not responding to an actual person. They come on afterwards. Sure enough, the voice taking my order was different than the one asking me to buy a Fish sandwich. In fact, who knows if the real person I’m speaking to is even in this store?

Needless to say, we placed the order and then took turns with the other cars getting in line to pay. The first window took my money and had the right order. The second one was manned by some 15 year old kid who proceeded to hand me three bags. Now, I know we bought a lot of food but three bags full? I said, “Um, are you handing me one or all three?” He paused and then took the bags back in and slid the window shut. “Ok.” He opened back up after conferring with someone and said, “Do you want to just pull into the parking lot and we’ll bring your food out to you?” I said sure, but then felt a little impish and wanted to just joke with the kid, “What happened to my order?” He looked at me and said, “I don’t know. They just stuck me in this window.” My jovial spirit lessened, I looked at him, as he retreated from my minimum throttling distance, and said, “That’s not an answer.” By now my wife was getting peeved  and told me to. “Just park it.” I said, “Come on, that wasn’t an answer. At least he could have lied to me and said the Fryalator was down or the Hamburglar stole my quarter pounder. ‘I don’t know’ is a crap answer. “

“You’re embarrassing me I don’t want them spitting in my food.” My wife said. You have to remember, this is the same woman who worked in a job where she once told a customer to shove a turkey up his ass in front of her boss. This was after he complained about her not being sympathetic towards his plight. Meanwhile, she was doing more than humanly possible to find his Thanksgiving order and eventually figured it out where someone less committed to a job would just say, “I don’t know.” And call it a day. And again, this weekend, she was getting her boots ready to kick the ass of the people her sister were renting the house off of over all these problems to which I said, “They know that your sister has to move in, this weekend, and you are spoiling for a fight that could give them the inkling to say, ‘Fine, don’t live here.’” After a few minutes the manager (aka man with the key to the register) appeared and gave us our order. We were on our way, and I bit down on the tongue of frustration and waited until we were out of the parking lot to press the matter. “Look, you’ve worked in this kind of job. Did you act like that at 15?” She said no although she did have her share of moments where her thumb might have pressed a little hard on someone’s tomato. I said, “You took pride in what you did. If I would give that response to someone at my job, I’d have my ass working at McDonald’s next to numb nuts there.”

Let me clarify something. I am not meaning that my job is all that glamorous and above someone who works at McDonald’s. I am simply saying that if I chose to handle myself in such a fashion I would be in the drive thru hole along with that kid because they were willing to hire him with that level of discipline. I don’t care if you work at Walmart or Wall Street, when you work with customers or the public you conduct yourself in a way that doesn’t make them become a former customer. Saying “I don’t know” is the same as saying, “I don’t care. I’m just here for a paycheck.” You find out or at least you give a reason that satisfies the customer until you can rectify the problem. While I understand the value of having teenagers work in a job that can teach them discipline and respect I don’t think that the management of those companies takes a hard look at how those employees are actually obtaining those habits if they are at all.

It’s hard to have a teen comprehend the value of customer service since they are sometimes working a job because their parents want them to. I used to dread my old company because of the lack of good workers they hired over the need to throw bodies at the job. I would come in at 7:00 AM and do my work and fix their mistakes because they were too busy screwing around at night, more worried about going out to party then actually doing a good job. In fact, one instance where I had worked a 14 hour shift I nearly lost it. I had come in that morning, set up a lunch and took care of meetings, worked the lunch, turned over the lunch into a wedding and then bartended and served dinner for the wedding. After dinner I was supposed to be relieved to go home but couldn’t until a particular person came out to take my bar. Now, this guy was a bit of a slack so I knew exactly where to find him. He was back in the boiler room, in the dark, blazing up and I said, “You want to come take my bar so I can go home.” I then went to my boss and said, “You know why I’m still here? Because (blank) is back in the boiler room getting stoned.” She walked back but dismissed the smell of weed for cigarette smoke. I said, “If he was smoking a cigarette, then why was he hiding in the boiler room, in the dark, instead of going out into the courtyard like everyone else?” Guess what her answer was? “I don’t know.” Now you know why it was my former job.

If anyone under the age of 20 actually reads this stuff do yourself a favor, learn some discipline and some tact. I know it’s not cool to be a company man and play by the rules. I’ve been there. I refused to follow the ambiguous rules that left me open to interpret them because I didn’t want to be considered un-cool. You make more friends with the in crowd of kids if you act all “I don’t give a shit” but what does it really get you? Have you ever seen Falling Down? Exactly. Some people don’t like “I don’t know” as an answer and they’re willing to take their frustrations out on you. Is it worth it to you? Don’t answer that.

UK Hotels Offer Bed Warmers To Guests Who Promise Not To Raid Mini Bar

I have done my share of staying in hotels over the years. Whether it be business or vacation I have stayed in everything from a Holiday Inn to the no tell motel right off the interstate. Now, everyone talks about how hotel rooms are pretty much worse than sleeping in the bathroom at the bus station but I try to give the benefit of the doubt. Besides, all I need is a nice Silkwood shower and a complete change of blood and I’ll be fine. Unfortunately, they don’t offer that with Triple AAA.


But, the next time… which will also be the first time, I ever travel to Great Britain, I might decide to skip staying in a Holiday Inn. “Why?” you say. After all, statistics show that by staying in a Holiday Inn you can do anything in life from pilot a commercial aircraft to playing Madison Square Garden as a rock star, at least that’s what I was led to believe after years of “But I did stay in a Holiday Inn” commercials. However, this recent story on Reuters makes me feel like spending the extra money on a hoity toity hotel just to be on the safe side. Dumber, but safer.


According to the story, certain Holiday Inns offer, by request, a bed warmer. Now, most people would think that with turn down service you might find a nice little electric blanket switched on, warming up your bed, but here the warmer is some guy named Rupert who works in maintenance. That’s right. They warmer is a hotel employee who comes to your room and slips between your sheets to bring the temperature up to a balmy 68 degrees. Now, that’s service.


Look, I’ve been in hotel rooms with Syroco furniture, no phone and a bathroom so small you have to step into the tub to open or shut the door. I’ve also stayed in ones with a shower that you just walk into and has jets all over the walls. The one thing that should be universal, regardless of features or amenities is cleanliness. I’ve worked in the hotel industry and I’ve had to toss rooms in the morning and believe me, I was a bit put off that they didn’t change the comforters with every reservation. I can understand if you are staying a few nights but this was mainly a business and wedding place that had a high rate of turnovers in guests. News reports about bed bugs and bodily fluids make me want to take a sleeping bag and hang it from the closet and dangle like a caterpillar in a cocoon.


This, however goes beyond the “ick” factor. This is like, let’s stick a big ole sweaty guy in your room for twenty minutes to warm up the sheets. I actually prefer turning down the nice crisp sheets and feeling a little bit of coolness. Then I flip the pillow a few times looking for the cool side. I really don’t want someone else’s athlete foot ridden tootsies and who knows what else stewing in the pocket of sheets.


Granted, these are specifically by request and only in Britain, so I don’t think we have to worry about it here. Although, I think here they just call it the Tiger Guest Package and the person doesn’t leave until the morning.

Gratuitous Foodity

I realize that foodity isn’t a word. I needed something to keep in line with my sardonic or wry sense of humor when it comes to titles. There is no naked food here, but we’re going to talk about having huge tips. I SAID TIPS! TIPS! Get your mind out of the gutter.

In one of my previous lives, non Shirley MacLaine styled, I was a bartender and server. I did this for three years before becoming an office drone. I find it fitting that I am writing this right after Thanksgiving as I always hated having to work the holiday buffet scene because it was a huge chaotic disaster and I would rather be home with my family on the holidays.

As a server I always appreciated tips and hoped that my service was worthy of your dollars. As a patron, I identify with the wait staff and usually tip more than most. It was odd, but I never understood the idea of tipping when I was younger and ultimately made a few food service faux pas in my tipping. I just didn’t understand the idea that the people serving me my meal were not paid minimum wage and relied on tips to make a living. It took being one to figure that out. If my daughter comes to me one day and wants to get a job, I’ll tell her to be a server because you will gain an appreciation for those who do the work.

Now, that’s not to say that my veteran status obscures my common sense when it comes to tipping properly. Just because you are a server does not guarantee you a great tip. You do have to actually do the job well. I mean I can understand mistakes and screw ups from the kitchen. How you handle that situation means all the difference in the change on the table or what’s written on that next to last line on the slip.

Case in point. When I was still dating my wife right out of college we use to hang with a group of people that made it a ritual to go out to eat on Tuesday nights. This was usually a discount wing night at a local joint in Latrobe, PA. Anyway, we would sit and enjoy each other’s company along with the good food. It was a sports bar so there was popcorn in a basket on the table. I am prone to munching or drinking what is in front of me with Pavlovian like conditioning and never noticed the contents of the basket before it hit my mouth. Popcorn is one of those foods that you tend to have a preconceived notion of how it will feel while being chewed. Instead of the crunch of the popped corn in my mouth, I felt the soft squishing of something else. Immediately knowing that something was wrong I retrieved the foreign object from my mouth and examined it. It looked whitish yellow like popcorn but it was solid instead of puffed. It appeared to be chewed gum.

It didn’t take Sherlock Holmes to deduce that someone previous to our group was chewing gum and discarded it into the basket. The wait staff cleared the table and refilled the basket with fresh popcorn on top of the used paper with the now chewed gum sticking to it. Regardless of having gum on it, the fact that they kept the paper in it was disgusting enough to make my mouth curl up. As soon as the server came back, I showed her the offending addition to our popcorn and explained how I found it. “What would you like me to do about it?” I’m sorry but is that even a question? I don’t think a question is even required here. You simply go to the manager, explain it to them and ask to comp the meal. I was livid. All I did say was, “I want you to not do it again. How about that?” We don’t go there anymore and if by some chance we do, I won’t eat the popcorn.

Needless to say, the incident caused me to reevaluate my tip for this person and besides having competent service, she only received 10% from me. And that’s how it goes, from the moment I sit down you are already at 20% for a gratuity. How you end up is totally your call. We usually keep the wait staff busy and sometimes, I admit that, we may ask for a lot but I take care of the ones who take care of us. It comes from being in the trenches and it’s like a fraternity of servers. It’s kind of like that unwritten rule of the road where you see bikers give the low-air-five to other, passing bikers. They call it the biker wave, I think. They don’t even have to know each other. It is just sort of expected. The same comes with tipping another server.

One thing I do not like is the automatically added gratuity. I understand that if you have larger parties you are not only inconveniencing other patrons but stretching your staff in order to provide good service to a larger number of people that might have it spread out, if they were in separate groups. The fact that this is done is sometimes an excuse to let the staff phone in their performance, confident that they will still get a decent tip. In fact there was a story out of my own state where a couple of patrons were arrested and charged with theft for not paying their tip. The stance of the establishment: gratuity was added automatically to checks for parties of six or more. The stance of the penalized patrons: Why should we pay an automatic tip when we had to get our own napkins and cutlery, wait for over an hour for salad and wings and asked the bar to refill sodas. The Consumerist was all over this and eventually the police dropped the charges. Still one must wonder, if it’s mandatory, it’s not really a tip, then is it? It’s a service charge.

This whole story was ridiculous. The establishment wasted tax payer money and police resources over $16.00 in “gratuity” for a table that had to do most of the work themselves. If anything, the students should have complained to the manager and asked to not pay the tip, citing poor service. But the owner used poor judgment in calling the cops. Some things you just accept and move on.

I was in the same situation a couple years back. One Mother's Day we took my M-I-L to a restaurant for dinner. It was a nice Italian restaurant and quite frankly, I'll never go back. The service wasn't all that spectacular and being a holiday buffet, I usually do not tip above and beyond the usual clearing of dishes and a drink refill. We actually didn't see our server all that much and plates did begin to pile up at the table. Anyway, when we got the bill, my wife and I picked it up as a treat for her Mom. I added a customary 18% on for somewhat competent service, not my full 20%.

When we got home, I was unloading my pockets and saw the slip which had a mandatory gratuity of 18% added on for the holiday buffet. Once again, if it's mandatory, it's not really a tip, then is it? I called to ask them to refund my additional 18% due to my mistake stating the issues we had. While I admit that it was my own fault for not paying attention to the slip, I think that it should have been refunded. The manager pretty much told me they wouldn't. I really didn't want to go the route of a charge back from my bank so I just accepted it and moved on. But the restaurant loses out because we'll never go back. What establishments need to realize is that sites like The Consumerist are pretty good at getting the word out about stuff worse than this and have been able to affect businesses. First off, though, you should take your complaints to the management. If you feel that is not satisfying your complaint then by all means do what it takes. Sometimes, the establishment or idiot employees make it easy by posting their despicable practices on YouTube, like what happened at a Dominoes Pizza location in North Carolina.

So, next time you are out think about what it takes to be a server and think about what that means to you in terms of service. Tip accordingly and fair.

Chase-ing Your Own Tail

In the ongoing battle between debt and myself, the tide is ever turning. One day I’m the dog and the next day the fire hydrant. I have managed to control costs by eliminating a lot of personal debt leaving only a car payment, a mortgage, and two credit cards to finish before I can feel accomplished. While one card has a small amount that is usually paid off before the bill is due, the other is the sum of my life’s work. Its balance carries with it the various threads of idiocy over the years as I opened one card, transferred a previous balance and attempted to pay it off before the year of 0% interest could expire. Then, my wife tagged along, and soon we had three cards going at once, all carrying a balance that finally became aggregated into one card through Chase Card Services.

Of those three credit cards I’ve carried, I will say that the GM Master Card has been the kindest of creditors. My National City Visa is sitting there waiting for me to use it, and my wife’s Discover Cards are collecting cobwebs, which is how I like it. Quite frankly, I would have never even opened a credit card if I hadn’t decided to buy a house in 2004. I opened a Visa card, bought something and paid the balance when it was due. I started to establish credit with that single purchase and since then everything has gone downhill. We’ve moved from one card to another carrying a portion of a balance that started three cards prior. I slowly began to whittle down my debt.

First off was my GM card which I could use to get cash towards a car purchase. Once I finished off the major balance on that card from the Ghosts of Christmas Past, I decided to help my wife pay down the Chase card. It contained the remainder of our credit card debt attributed to her previous cards and I thought I’d be a good husband and help pay it down. What started out as progress turned into a dance with the devil, and I was leading.

Now, my wife and I are two different types of payers. She likes to physically mail a check each month to Card Services, while I like to use the online services to schedule payments directly from my checking account. I can set it and forget months at a time. Also my wife likes to pay things over time, disregarding the huge finance charges on our existing balance, whereas I like to take every extra cent I can allocate away from other things and throw it at the principal along with monthly payments. To tell the truth, I spent the last four months sending GM a payment of about $20 a week just to keep from having a bigger payment at one time. They (HSBC Card Services) might have hated seeing those transactions once a week, nibbling away at my balance, but I was able to free up my thoughts towards other issues and not take a huge hit in the wallet while doing it.

I know a lot of people who will side with my wife when it comes to seeing a physical bill, sending a physical check, and knowing that you took care of it instead of setting up complex payment schedules based on the tides and phases of the moon. Yet, I can take off my shoes and count up all the times she has come to me and said, “Oh, crap! I forgot to send the check. Can you pay it online tonight?” “Yes, dear.” I would say and two minutes later I had an email thanking me for my payment.

However, my lifestyle did not allow for one thing, a single digit, left off the end of my checking account. My wife paid a little more than the minimum payment each month and in the middle of the month, I would send in an additional payment online. I thought everything was fine until I noticed that the balance of the card was climbing and my checking account statements weren’t showing debits toward the card. I logged into Chase’s online service and saw that each month there was two line items from my account. One was asking for a payment. The other was returning the payment. Additionally, there was a $39 returned payment fee showing up alongside the reversals. After two months, I had accrued $117 in charges to the account.

For the most part, I regard mail as a privilege. When I open the mailbox and see a stack of envelopes I get a little excited. Once I get inside, however, I lose more and more of that excitement as I sift through garbage and junk mail. A lot comes from credit card companies looking to snag you into their web of deceit. Even some of the mail comes from your own credit card companies touting a low interest rate for transfer of balances or other services. These usually get shredded or thrown into the fireplace for kindling. So, it came to pass that I disregarded two small perforated card stock letters informing me that my account had returned a payment because there was a problem with the account. When I did notice them, I took it as an error on their part, not mine. After all, I’d been using that checking account for almost 20 years. I’ve never had problems with them before. In fact, last year, Comcast…another good honest friend of mine…*cough* rip off *cough* decided to not draft a payment from my checking account, one month, and then drafted $300 the next month. The reason they cited was that there was a problem with my checking account. Further investigation revealed the error on Comcast’s side of the board. I called my financial institution and they had no record of an attempt to draft off my account. Apparently, Comcast has technical glitches between the keyboard and the seat all the time and I had to suffer for it. I treated this issue with Chase as the same problem, they screwed up.

Another month went by and another letter came. It happened again. My wife decided to call Chase for some answers and after going round and round over the matter, she handed me the phone. When I spoke to the customer service agent he told me that the account in question could not be found. Now that was a different story than problem with the account. Problem with the account infers that the account is there. You can see it, touch it, taste it, smell it, but it has a weird flavor and looks to have gone bad, recently. The account not being found means that you’ve walked to the fridge, opened it up and asked “Where’s the Sunny D?” After hearing, “Did you check behind the milk?” and “Well, is it behind the soda?” you realize that you’re all out. It wasn’t until the agent had me read my checking account number to him that the problem became clear. They were looking in the fridge of my life for Sunny D and found Tang. In other words, when I entered in the account information to set up the payments, I dropped off the last digit on the end of the account number.

Playing on the sympathy of the economy I pleaded with the agent to forgive the charges as it was apparent that we were trying to pay the card, but the account number was too short. He said that due to a policy change he couldn’t forgive the charges but gave me the name and address of the VP of card services at Chase in Ohio. He told me to write a letter asking for the charges to be dropped and said that only he could do it.

So, we’re off to see the wizard and I’ve even brought along the witches broom in the form of statements showing the payments and reversals as well as the payment schedule proving a difference in account number from the payment account for the problem payments as well as the corrected account number at the top. We’ll just have to wait and see if the wizard is nothing more than a humbug.

To top things off, I just checked the account and a message had shown up in my inbox. Back at the beginning of the month, I sent them a message asking about the charges. They finally replied, deducting one of the charges from my account. Well, apparently, the guy manning the online stuff has a little more power than the guy on the phone. Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.

What a world. What a world.

Why Do You Need a CPA To Figure Out Your Cable Bill?

I'm on a roll after being off a week and only posting twice last week. I nailed all three of my weekly posts in nearly one day.

It shouldn’t be that hard. I should be able to have my cable, phone, and Internet all bundled up for one price. I shouldn’t have to go through a month long fight with the cable company every year to renegotiate my contract. I shouldn’t have to get in touch with Customer Service and haggle and bitch and pretty much wear down the person on the other end until they finally cave and give me what I should have been given to start. But I do.

I’ve been going round and round on this since I first bundled my services back in 2004. Now, don’t you think it would be so much simpler and better for everyone involved if Cable Companies could just have a better breakdown on a menu of services. You want Cable…here’s the option. One price. None of this, “Here’s your price, and here’s all the additional fees and charges that go along with it.” If you want more service or less service you pick it. Then we add phone and Internet and the price for each service is an easy breakdown of features. No, they have to have all these weird features and charges and then they bill you a month in advance so that if you change your service, you get dinged for a higher amount, pay it, and then fight to get the charges credited on a future bill. In any case, you end up losing a few dollars in the mix somewhere. The biggest problem is that there is no competing business in my area that covers all the services, yet. Once that happens, I think I’ll have a better chance at keeping prices stable.

The background of this chat is that my current bundle was set to expire in June…or at least I thought it was June. Comcast sent out this nifty little thing to save me money so I signed up. Then my bill went up. I thought, well that’s nice. They offer me a discount and then raise my price higher. Turns out the $20 off coupon was for unbundled customers. Then I called and said, “Hey, bundle me up. But I know it costs more to have HBO/Starz so drop that and keep everything else. Their response was that it would still be more because of a $15 DVR charge. I said, “I know that. That’s figured into my bill. I just want the bundled service minus the premium channels.” Their response, “But it’s going to cost more because of the DVR charge. Why don’t we give you the bundled service without HBO/Starz?” I said, “….Yeah, OK. Do that.” Where do they find these people? Before the words were out of my mouth, HBO and Starz channels were gone. Then instead of my bill going down it went up one month and then even further the next month.

So, Here is a wonderful little transcript with CS over my latest bill changes. I am in blue, he is in green…self explanatory, I know. My interjections are in red. Note the end of the conversation when he becomes unclear about the similarity between my service previously and what I will be billed now. Oh and look I get a smiley face to boot….awww.


Problem : Being billed too much for services. Spoke to rep on or about 5/15 about change. Billed $192 and now $224 for less services. Need to resolve or cancel service. (I know that I have nowhere else to go…I’m hoping they don’t call my bluff.)

Andrew > Hello Mongo_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Andrew. Please give me one moment to review your information.

Andrew > That would be no problem to check into your account. In order to provide any billing information, would you be able to provide your 16 digit Comcast account number?

Mongo_ > XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX <-- (What…do you think I just fell off the Comcast van?)

Andrew > Thank you, one moment please.

Andrew > The reason that your bill is higher this month is because you made a change to your billing after the previous bill printed, so there were retroactive charges, listed on "Partial Month Charges & Credits".

Andrew > Your bill next month will be $158.40 (before taxes).

Mongo_ > Yes, I see that. I just wonder why I see a $214 charge for HD bundle services?

Andrew > That is the price of the bundle for 5/16 (which is when you made the change) to 7/01.

Mongo_ > So, disregard the bill statement of $224.34 which is supposed to Auto Pay on 7/08. It will be $158.40 + tax?

Andrew > No, this statement of $224.34 is correct, after this bill is paid, your billing will be $158.40 (before taxes).

Mongo_ > So, I change my service on 5/16. I get billed $192 on June 07, and now I am going to be billed $224.34 on July 08? How is that? When I called in May, I asked to be put back onto a bundle plan which would be $158 + tax. Why is it taking two months plus additional charges to reflect this? HBO and Starz were turned off at the time of my call to Customer Service. I don't have an HD television and I communicated that to the CSR who I dealt with then.

Andrew > It should be one more moment.

Mongo_ > ok

(5 minutes later)

Mongo_ > How's it coming?

Andrew > Ok, I greatly appreciate your patience.

(2 minutes later. I've noticed throughout that there is a lot of "Analyst is typing" and then nothing...which means he's deleting, waiting, and then typing, again.)

Andrew > I have found that we did not credit you for the DVR service from 6/02 to 7/01. I am going to credit you $14.95. (Why did they do that? Not that I am complaining but I know I have that as a charge. I think they just find things to credit you on and tell it was a mistake. Instead of admitting that they are screwing your eyes out. I've worked in Customer Service before, I know how to polish a turd.)

Andrew > The rest of the charges are correct, since you changed your package on 5/16, and your current promotion is more expensive then the promotion that you had on 5/16, there was retroactive charges from 5/16 to 6/01.

Mongo_ > Just so we're clear, I am on a bundled service for $158 + tax, now. Retroactive charges from the half month of May for HBO/Starz are appearing on June's bill detailing May without a bundled service per se. Does that cover the $192.00 for the month of May? Now, what about June? If my bill is going to be $158.00+tax starting 07/01 then I am being billed somewhere around $60 for something that won't be there in July, less $14.95 for the DVR charge? Is that all correct?

Andrew > Everything that you stated is correct, your May statement is covered. The partial month charges and credits for your June bill is:$52.67. I have credited $34.95 (Where did that little gift come from?) of that, the remaining balance for the partial month charges and credits is: $17.72. (Apparently, he understood what I said. I didn’t.)

Mongo_ > Ok. What will be the final amount being drawn on my account on 07/08? Just so I am sure to have it all there at the time of withdrawal. (It’ll be in my account, but I want them to actually tell me so I can finish this and not call back. Although, I know my bill will be different from Andy here is about to tell me.)

Andrew > The new amount is $189.39, the credit that I have applied should deduct the current balance by 7/08, just in case it doesn't, you will see the credit reflect on your next bill.

Mongo_ > Ok. From then on it will be $158.00 + tax? Is that the same service I had previously, minus the HBO and Starz? I know I have the DVR in that mix. (He and I both use the terms before and plus tax. Notice how they never tell you what the final amount is. I’ve noticed that taxes and fees change monthly. My bill is always the same plus/minus a dollar or two in change.)

Andrew > That is correct, as far as the promotion being the same as before, I believe so, but I cannot say for sure, since that bundle has expired and I cannot see the exact break down of each service that was in it.

Mongo_ > Understood. I appreciate your time in this. (I'm missing the Penguins parade for this. I'm done.)

Andrew > You are very welcome. I am here to assist you. (And all your base are belong to us.)

Mongo_ > Thank you.

Andrew > Would there be anything else I can assist you with today?

Mongo_ > Nope.

Andrew > If there isn't anything else, I just wanted to say thank you for allowing me to assist you today! Remember, if you need us we are here 24/7 at your convenience.

Andrew > Have a great day! :)

Andrew > Analyst has closed chat and left the room

Mongo_ > is left to yell and kick and scream at what just happened.

end of line

I guess I should be thankful, I got this resolved, somewhat. That would be the case if I knew this wouldn’t have to be revisited, eventually. I love how I dropped service but am still paying more. Isn’t it nice that in this economic downturn, Comcast can still boast a profit. You’re welcome, Comcast…You’re welcome.

I Ought To Be In Pictures

This is a lesson in “Be careful what you wish for.” One of the greatest inventions of the 20th century is undoubtedly the digital camera. For one, the ability to see your picture immediately after you take it eliminates question of whether or not someone blinked. Secondly, the ability to store hundreds of pictures on the camera and then transfer them to an electronic storage device is better than the previous model I utilized which was a shoebox or drawer with hundreds of envelopes filled with random photos. It also makes us a little lazy. Knowing that those pictures are right where you can see them prolongs your ambition to go get them printed. “Well, maybe I’ll just buy a printer and photo paper.” Good Luck, printer ink will cost you a lot of money and so will the photo quality paper. With that in mind, I got my first digital camera for Christmas just before my daughter was born. The prospect of being able to capture hundreds of photos of her every waking moment filled me with a giddiness that could only be rivaled with the thought that I wouldn’t wonder which disposable camera has pictures of her on it and which one has Christmas from three years ago. I still have about five disposable cameras, sitting in a drawer, undeveloped. By now, the film is probably degraded beyond the point of even caring. My daughter arrived and I snapped pictures of everything. I took pictures of her sleeping, her crying, her feet, her nose, her flipping me off…yes, that is correct. After six months, I already had over 500 photos stored on my computer. Unfortunately, I had none in my wallet or in frames on the wall of my home. Suddenly, I felt like the worst parent in the world. People would ask me about my newborn and I had to describe her to them or at least show them a tiny, fuzzy image on my cell phone that was poorly lit. Soon, my wife began complaining that we needed to get actual pictures of her before she graduated college.

This past Christmas she started hinting around that she wanted a printer that could handle digital photos. I remembered the days of trying to get copies of my acting head shot printed out for auditions instead of paying $300 for them to be done by a professional outfit. It would have cost me just as much, if not more to buy the printer, ink cartridges, and paper. But now, they have these little kiosks in stores that will do the work for you. All you need to do is supply the storage device. CD’s, memory cards, and even USB flash drives are accepted in most places and you can manipulate the images right there in the store before buying them. I had a thought. If I could load a bunch of the pictures from my computer onto my 8GB flash drive, I could give my wife a better Christmas present, the actual pictures.

Of course, being the procrastinator I am, I could never find the opportunity to get to a store to do it. I went online and found that I could directly upload the photos from my computer and have them shipped to my house. Now, I realized that I could not get them there before Christmas Day, but the photo albums that my wife would open would be a preview of coming attractions. The quizzical look on her face prompted an explanation and I broke down, telling her that I didn’t buy her a printer, I bought her 228 actual pictures with duplicates. At $0.09 a picture, I couldn’t pass up the chance to have actual photos of my kid from her first six months of life. Eventually, I’ll get around to ordering more but for now, my wife will have her hands full.The Tuesday after Christmas saw the arrival of a pretty good sized box on my front porch. I rushed into the house and tore it open like it was my own Christmas gift and I was, again, seven years old. I began flipping through the pictures and began to wonder. There were no people in any of the shots and I’m not sure, but I didn’t remember going to Disney World in the last 16 months. Soon, I was staring at complete strangers. Who the hell are these people? Where’s my daughter sleeping, crying, and giving me the bird? Where are her feet? I became livid? I called the store and they were of no help. I even went online to the address of the actual service and opened up a live chat session that ended with, “We’ll get back to you.” I checked the box again and there was a packing slip with an email address on it. I figured what the heck, I should at least tell her that I got her photos. Maybe she got mine by accident. The response was positive. She’d ordered pictures at the end of November and had been trying, without luck, to find out what happened since the beginning of December. It just seemed odd that her order waiting almost a month to ship and then went to the wrong person while mine went to her. We both agreed to mail each other our orders with the understanding that our shipping costs would be reimbursed by the vendor. Soon, I had my baby on glossy 4x6’s.

Now, if you think that’s the end of the story, you’re wrong. Two days later, I received an email stating that I would be refunded. There was no mention of the shipping cost through UPS, they opted to refund the entire amount of my order. In essence, I got 456 photos for $8.00. Not too shabby. The next day, I found another box on my front porch. This one came from the photo service. It was another complete order of 456 pictures. I figured that maybe they felt bad and just sent another order and charged me the amount they credited giving me quadruples for the price of doubles. Still, I think I made out ahead of the game. Now, I could give pictures to my family as well as hers and still have pictures for ourselves.

Here it is a brand New Year and in the mailbox yesterday, I found another box. It looked strangely familiar. It was, again, from the photo service and inside was another 456 pictures. I now had 1368 pictures for the price of $8.00 in shipping. So, now when anyone asks if I have any pictures of my daughter I can give them their own personal copy. I can only imagine what the mailman will have for me today.

UPDATE:

As requested...