2011 D-Bag Awards: Sports as a Business

In this round we go beyond the one person involved with sports and directly attack the business end of sports.

So, let’s see…

The NBA – Caught with their Dirk out.
Not wanting to let the NFL have all the fun, the NBA decided to have a lockout lasting from July 1st through December 8th. While, the NFL’s lockout lasted just as long, (around five months) the NBA’s managed to cut the season short to a 66 game one. The biggest complaint, money.

What separates the NFL’s lockout from the NBA is that while the NFL was already perched to make more money, thanks to a huge TV deal, the NBA cried it was losing money to player salaries.

Come on, you had the most exciting story of the year. LeBron James shuns Cleveland to join the Miami Heat where there was a ball shortage and in the first year of playing there they reach the finals. LeBron was getting his wish. He joined a team that could bring home a trophy. Oh, but they didn’t. That’s right. The Mavericks showed them up and won 4-2. Oh, and they did it in Miami. Wow, that sucks huh? Your biggest story of the year became a joke because the team you probably hate to see win, did just that and wiped their Dirk all over your face. The man you can’t control, Mark Cuban, made a mockery of your league and I loved every minute of it. So, let’s have a lockout because YOU say you’re losing money.



The NFL – We’re all about player safety just as long as we make money.
The NFL had its own lockout this year after one of its Titanesque teams, The Green Bay Packers won the Super Bowl. But, even before the lockout started, the NFL showed just how douchey it could be with the Super Bowl.

The debacle that was Dallas stadium and its mismanaging of seating and organization was laughable. It was almost as if nature conspired against them as an ice storm hit the area causing traffic accidents due to the fact that Texans just can’t handle snow and ice all that well.

Then the inconsistency of the debate during the lockout over, “We are all about player safety, but let’s have an 18 game regular season” made things even more ridiculous. You want player safety? Well, then why would you lobby for a chance to have players continue to pound and injure each other for another two weeks?

And of course, the board that hands out the punishments for helmet to helmet hits continually cannot be consistent in their judgment and punishment. Congratulations NFL, for all your posturing, the real reason you exist is to make gads of money for the owners and you continue to make a mockery of a once proud and rough and tumble sport.


The Pittsburgh Pirates - Hold On for one more season, things may go your way.
Where do I begin? The Pirates started off the year by saying that they could only increase the payroll if they could increase attendance. What appeared to be simple math became a cry of “Why aren’t you coming to the ball park?” Well, because after 18 years of sucking, you haven’t put out a decent team to root for.

That would all change if we could “Hold On” for one more day. And we did. We (not me, mind you) went to the ballpark and we cheered on our Buccos as they seemed to turn the corner. Soon, they were .500. Then they were in first place of the division. Then they had a winning streak. Then Jerry Meals shat all over us in Atlanta and the All Star Break came and then we slid down into the basement and ended the year under .500.

And to top it all off… they raised ticket prices for next year. Well, we kept our end of the bargain, now pony up some payroll and put together a winning team, douche bags.



PSU - If you're Happy and you know it, you're probably drinking too much Kool-Aid
Happy Valley, a serene and quiet agricultural town that just happens to hold the biggest secret in NCAA sports. Far beyond OSU’s players trading memorabilia for tats, far beyond Miami’s booster scandals, far beyond Cecil Newton trying to sell his son Cam to the highest bidding college, PSU held onto the biggest secret in all of collegiate sports.  It was one that brought down an empire.

As you probably saw in the last round, Jerry Sandusky took the prize as the biggest d-bag in sports personas.  After all, how could he not?  In any case, PSU facilitated the biggest cover up, potentially.  The President, the Athletic Director, the VP (who oversaw campus police), and even the one person who answered to no one, Joe Paterno.  None of them did what was right.  They only did what was required. 

If we teach our children anything about integrity and morals, it should be that when you see or hear of someone being harmed, whether or not you can verify it at that moment, you do something.  You follow up.  You take action.  This was about children and innocence and a lifetime of repercussions that would follow.   Just kicking the can down the road was akin to getting in line behind Jerry in that shower.

And for that, the mystique and invulnerability of PSU is now gone and hopefully, justice will be served.  Do not weep for your king, because your king did not do what was right.

With that, I think it's clear that PSU wins this round.  Drink up douchebags.  The Kool-Aid is just fine.



The King is a Thing of Nothing: The Shaming of James

So, the big question is…

“Are you glad LeBron lost?”

Or

“Are you glad the Mavs won?”

Me, personally? I don’t really care about NBA Basketball. I don’t really care about basketball, in general. I used to play, back in my grade school days at the YMCA and I sucked, just like I did in every sport except for six person gym class volleyball or Scooter Soccer.

However, I love the karma boomerang. I remember thinking LeBron was a d-bag when he entered into the NBA. He signed a contract before he even went onto the court before the public as a player. He always appeared to be entitled and that kind of smug is best left on the bottom of my shoe.

Maybe it was because he was born in raised in Ohio (Pittsburgh humor there). He rooted for the Yankees while at Indians’ games. He’s a Dallas Cowboys’ fan (More d-baggery there from a Pittsburgh person’s point of view).

Then there was the confiscating of the tape of him getting dunked on by an Xavier Guard in 2009.

Here's a circulated copy

Lastly, he made even more of a d-bag of himself by being the center of attention in The Decision. Although, shame on ESPN for hyping and being a part of this. What person, especially a professional athlete, needs to have a press conference, let alone an entire hour of television to say he’s wiping his ass of Cleveland and heading to Miami? This was what tipped the scales in his favor as a finalist in my 2010 D-Bag Awards.

However, that’s all in the past. King James has been shamed by the Mavs and Pittsburgh by way of Mark Cuban. This wasn’t the first time the Heat came up against the Mavs in the finals, although, in 2006 the Heat beat the Mavs. Now, with LeBron James, the victory was that much sweeter as Cuban was once fined for making comments about James before he signed with Miami.


I’m not going to sugarcoat Cuban’s character. He is brash and outspoken. He gets fined a lot by the NBA for being too opinionated and mouthy on the court. While most owners watch the games from a luxury skybox, Cuban prefers watching from the court, among the fans. He’s come out onto the court to yell at officials. Doesn’t he know that only Jack Nicholson can do that?

Yet, he’s not the typical businessman and that’s why I like him. He made his own way and for every fine he’s received he’s made a matching donation to a charity. He once told the NBA’s director of officiating that he couldn’t manage a Dairy Queen which upset a manager at a Dairy Queen. Cuban responded by serving treats to customers, some waiting for over two hours. He also tipped $20,000 for a bottle of champagne after the Mavs defeated Miami. Granted, the champagne was worth $90,000 and while it may seem magnanimous for him to tip so much, it was barely more than 20%. I tip 20% for competent service in a restaurant. Though, I don’t spend $90,000 for food. He is also picking up the tab for the parade in Dallas. This may be the only time I have ever actually rooted for Dallas in anything. Actually, I was kind of rooting for them in the World Series, but that’s because Barry Bonds was a Giant… though, three years prior to the series. I still have night terrors of Sid Bream. >:(

He’s definitely not what professional sports’ administration would want in an owner. He wants to buy a baseball club which would probably cause Bud Selig to stroke out. After all, if he is this outspoken as an NBA team owner, could you imagine him owning a baseball team and calling out league management? That would be awesome. Personally, I’d like to see him buy the Pirates.


However, the real story of the NBA Championship hasn’t been Mark Cuban and Dirk Nowitzki beating Miami. It’s been about LeBron choking and Miami losing. Ten years from now, if you ask who beat Miami in the 2011 Championship Series, you may be searching for the name of the team but you’ll definitely remember that King James was dethroned and shamed on the national stage.