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Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011 D-Bag Awards: News and Media D-Bags

CORRECTION: Julian Assange was originally listed as a nomination but I effed up. He was already nominated last year for the same thing so, thankfully a substitution was able to just slip in at the last moment. Thanks to Mark Madden for being a d-bag alternate.

Mark Madden – Get out of the kitchen fridge you fat d-bag
Unless you are unfamiliar with Madden’s career, there’s Wikipedia for that. Basically, he’s a shock jock who likes to hear himself talk. He got his ass whooped by Tank Abbot on WCW years ago, when he was a commentator. He has shown how much he hates Jerome Bettis which was basically Pittsburgh’s favorite son, save for that one fumble in the Indianapolis game in 2005.
And he took center stage this year shouting from the rooftops that he knew the whole Sandusky incident before the rest of the world did. Well, he didn’t. Sara Ganim wrote a piece of The Patriot News back in March that predates Mark Madden’s article from April. Madden just has a bigger following in the sports community and pointed the finger more on Penn State and Joe Paterno than Ganim did. But back to Mark Madden and his other 2011 idiocies.

Anyway, he got into a Twitter battle with some girl this month and basically said, “Get back in the kitchen”. Now, whether he knows his hockey stuff or sports for that matter is irrelevant. As a member of the media, social or otherwise, you need to conduct yourself in a manner that does not represent your employer in a bad light. And he does this with great aplomb.

Rupert Murdoch – Suddenly I heard a tapping on my phone
Ahh, Rupert, you were probably the most powerful person in the media world, more so than Howard Stern or Oprah Winfrey and now… you’re an even bigger d-bag than you were before Jonathan Pryce modeled his bad guy persona from Tomorrow Never Dies on you. Why? Because you are the CEO of News Corp. Your company, News of the World was hacking and tapping people’s phones, including a murder victim. The buck stops with you, no matter what. He was even requested to appear before parliament and declined to attend because he was unavailable. That takes balls. Who, in this country, could be so bold and powerful that he could be called before Congress to give evidence to an inquiry and decline because of a scheduling conflict? He, of course, attended the inquiry and said it was the ‘most humbling day of his life.’ I’m sure, as you sit atop your billions, you feel very humble while you let your company do these horrible deeds.

Old Spice – The company that smelled like success, now smells like old man
There was a brief moment in 2010 when Old Spice was cool. When Isaiah Mustafa appeared in a series of commercials dubbed, “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like”, the world was a buzz about this unknown man who suddenly was in the shower, then on a boat with diamonds and finally on a cow. More commercials followed and so did success for Mustafa who appeared on Chuck and as a police officer in Horrible Bosses.

Then, Old Spice switched it up and went with Fabio as their spokesperson. Everything grew cold and dark and the world became less of a happy place to live in among women who loved that Mustafa appeared in almost every commercial with nothing more than a towel, a six pack, and the hopes that gravity would somehow reverse itself.

Whether it was an intentional joke or Old Spice lived up to their name, Fabio muddled through his English and looked nothing like he did 20 years ago. The Internet went up in arms and a challenge was posted for title of the Old Spice Guy.

Problem was, did they really think we were dumb? This entire gimmick has cheapened the clever effects of the original ad campaign that blew up Mustafa’s star power. Now, it’s almost sad to see Fabio compete in a battle of sex appeal where he’s clearly bringing a pair of safety scissors to a bazooka fight. Old Spice continues to be the winner as new ads for Christmas showed up with Mustafa clearly back in control of the moniker of “Old Spice Guy”. Makes you wonder if they simply gave him a hiatus to go off and film a movie and some other roles with the intent to introduce then yank Fabio. The only one not in on the joke was perhaps Fabio.

In any case, because Old Spice used their social media and commercial prowess to pull off this dastardly deed, they land in the Media category as their business practices don’t exactly stink… as far as we know. Now look back at the list. We have one more.

Perez Hilton – From d-list celebrity to d-bag nominee for a second year
Bringing up the rear is a perpetual d-bag who is now a repeat nominee alongside Death and Roger Goodell which doesn’t say much for the company Death keeps, I guess. The biggest reason Hilton is on the list this year is because he’s a hypocrite. He slammed Roger Ebert’s tweet of “Friends don’t let Jackasses drink and drive” over the death of Ryan Dunn saying, “…This is somebody’s son, too soon Roger.” Eventually, Ebert recanted saying he had no idea whether or not Dunn was intoxicated at the time of the deadly crash… which was later found out to be the case. Dunn was indeed a jackass that claimed his life along with another because he was an idiot and drove 110 mph while intoxicated.

But back to Perez’s comments of Dunn being someone’s son. Perez had no trouble in posting photos all over his site of a then underage Miley Cyrus appearing to not be wearing underwear. Last I checked, Miley was somebody’s daughter, too and I believe that being under the age of 18 made it too soon to be exposing her like that. Granted, there were no charges for child pornography given that the photos were not of a sexual nature but he was a hypocrite, nonetheless.

And while we’re on the subject of people’s children, how he continually outed celebrities ranks up there with bullying. While he didn’t appear to out anyone this year, his tactics in the past speak volumes towards his hypocritical nature.

Being a part of the social media world gives you a voice. Your brain gives you the ability to know when to hold your tongue. The Internet gives us the ability to point out when you’re a hypocritical d-bag.

OK, enough debate, let’s pick a winner.

Mark Madden. You get the nod this time. Why? Well, because for one, I’ve never liked you. I refuse to listen The X on my way home from work, because I might just catch your bombastic idiotic mouth breathing voice in my ear. Now when you go on WDVE, to fill in for Mike Prisuta, you’re totally different, almost humorous. I’m still inclined to gouge out my ears with my car keys but it seems as if your demeanor changes when you are not playing the part of pompous wind bag on your own show.

Yet, playing the part doesn't mean tou get to be a d-bag to other people over Twitter, especially when it demeans women.  Just because a girl comments on sports does not mean she is clueless.  And it doesn't mean you can spout off your own misogynistic opinions and not think that it's a big deal to your employers.  You've already been fired twice for being an asshat.  Don't think you're immune because it's the X and you are who are.  If the X doesn't hope lose listeners over this then they're just as despicable, which is why I stopped listening to them back in the days of Alan Cox.  Bravo d-bag!  You've made it to the finals which will be posted next week.

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