Chillin' at Children's The Franklin Regional Tragedy Spawns A Selfie

Dear Nate,

   I am the father of school age child.  Not a moment goes by that I don’t worry about her.  Will she behave in class?  Will she do well?  Will she make new friends?  Will she get an A on her spelling test?  Will she grow up to be smarter than me? Will she get into college?  Will she get a great job?  Will she invent something or discover something that will solve world problems?  Will she make it home safely today?

   You see, what you did today was very, very brave.  It was a selfless act.  Something simple.  Something we would usually punish a student for in my day; pulling a fire alarm to get out class.   But you did it to warn others.  You acted in a way that probably saved countless lives, just like my little girl.  I can only imagine what your mindset was when it happened and then, to have been attacked by the person who caused this chain reaction of events that have reached CNN and the world, you are now a hero.   You are a part of the tapestry of parental nightmares that have plagued all of us since Columbine happened fifteen years ago this coming April 20^th.   Southwestern PA now joins a host of other schools and communities that have become statistics of classroom violence.  All of us more worried each day that somehow that evil will find its way into our children’s schools. 

   But, you were there and you did what you did and now, by virtue of being born towards the beginning of the Gilded Age of Social Media, you are part of the historical tableaux of memories, like the students dangling out of the window of a Virginia Tech classroom.  Your face and your act will be remembered.  You are a hero.

   You deserve this moment for being the one to “Roll into action”.  You and all the others who helped stop the threat before more could be injured, including yourself, deserve so much praise and thanks.  For that, this is your time to shine.  Your Facebook wall is probably flooded right now with well wishes and bro fists and probably dating offers.  Your profile picture will probably your Children’s Hospital pic for a day or two… There’s already a community page on Facebook, which is probably not related to you in any way.  You’re going to have interviews with local media and probably National Media.  It’s not unfathomable to see you ending up on the couch of Fallon or Letterman… because the media loves a hero so much in the face of tragedy.

   It is also your time to reflect.  A lot of criticism is going to come your way, from myself included, simply because you exist in that “Gilded Age”.   The selfie seen round the Commonwealth already has a Twitter following and a People.com article.  Again, I thank you for what you did, but remember with great power comes greater responsibility… and clichés.  Don’t think for one moment that you aren’t a hero, but also not above reproach in the eyes of those who made you famous for what you did.  You are a hero, but you’re also a teenager, and I get that.  Taking the selfie “Chillin’ at Children’s” is the tip of a proverbial iceberg of contextual misconception.   In one light, it’s a kid being a kid, taking a moment to show the face of a tragedy.  But in another, it’s a kid being dumb and disrespectful while his classmates are in critical condition from their wounds.  The choice of how you choose to identify yourself in that moment is your own.

   Humility is a powerful balance and can never be abused.  Remember this as you take those first steps towards no longer being anonymous outside of Allegheny County.  Remember this when your attackers are armed with a Social Media account and not a knife.   Remember this when it’s time to go back to being anonymous.  Remember this when it’s time to step up as a man in your 20s and 30s and 40s.   Be the man who pulled the fire alarm every day of your adult life.  Be the hero when your own child goes off to school and worry about them every day.  Be the humble American who does things not because of the photo op but because it’s the right thing to do.   You do all that, and you will be fine.

  Thank you and have a speedy recovery.

2013 D-Bag Awards Round One: Anthony Weiner vs. George Zimmerman

We gotta hurry up.  We’re running out of days.

Anthony Weiner vs. George Zimmerman

Another odd pairing, I admit, but I am not going to sit and judge them based on their initial crimes.  If that were the case, Zimmerman would have been winner, hands down.  Not to mention, the shooting of Trayvon Martin did not occur in 2013, so we can’t look to that as a deciding factor.  No, this heat all about second chances gone wrong. 

For Zimmerman, it started before 2013 with him and just continued.  There were traffic stops for moving violations in which he negligently had firearms out while officers spoke to him.  Then, there were several incidences where police were called because of domestic disputes and George was placed under arrest, only to be released later on with no charges filed.   So, either the guy is a danger to himself and others and has frequent access to firearms, or he’s a victim of a “Cry Wolf” scenario by his girlfriend.  Honestly, I really don’t know where the fault lies because for every incident, it’s gets walked back.   The problem is, George keeps getting into the media.

Then you Carlos Danger aka Anthony Weiner.  He got in loads of trouble for texting his unit to women in 2011, while he was in Congress, and in 2013, he just couldn’t keep it in his pants.    And he did this while running for Mayor of New York.  More texting scandals came out and then it became a politically charged issue because his wife’s boss is Hillary Clinton.   Once again, Anthony Weiner had a chance to slink away and fight another day, but he just couldn’t do that.  So, is he a victim of his desire or some politically charged plot to undermine campaigns?

The verdict?  Geogre Zimmerman

OK, it was slanted.  Zimmerman had way more against him going in, but like I said, this was about second chances.  But while Carlos Danger simply couldn't keep himself from being textually active, Zimmerman continues to put himself in awkward positions.  Depending on what you think about his acquittal, he got away with it, like O.J. Simpson.  Lay low, try and improve yourself and stay away from the spotlight.  But he couldn't.  So, he's the bigger douche bag.  Regardless of who is at fault, him or his girlfriend, he does not get to be innocent in the eyes of the public.  We get our due in another round.  It's a two way street that you just have to rise above and he didn't do it.

2011 D-Bag Awards: News and Media D-Bags

CORRECTION: Julian Assange was originally listed as a nomination but I effed up. He was already nominated last year for the same thing so, thankfully a substitution was able to just slip in at the last moment. Thanks to Mark Madden for being a d-bag alternate.

Mark Madden – Get out of the kitchen fridge you fat d-bag
Unless you are unfamiliar with Madden’s career, there’s Wikipedia for that. Basically, he’s a shock jock who likes to hear himself talk. He got his ass whooped by Tank Abbot on WCW years ago, when he was a commentator. He has shown how much he hates Jerome Bettis which was basically Pittsburgh’s favorite son, save for that one fumble in the Indianapolis game in 2005.
And he took center stage this year shouting from the rooftops that he knew the whole Sandusky incident before the rest of the world did. Well, he didn’t. Sara Ganim wrote a piece of The Patriot News back in March that predates Mark Madden’s article from April. Madden just has a bigger following in the sports community and pointed the finger more on Penn State and Joe Paterno than Ganim did. But back to Mark Madden and his other 2011 idiocies.

Anyway, he got into a Twitter battle with some girl this month and basically said, “Get back in the kitchen”. Now, whether he knows his hockey stuff or sports for that matter is irrelevant. As a member of the media, social or otherwise, you need to conduct yourself in a manner that does not represent your employer in a bad light. And he does this with great aplomb.

Rupert Murdoch – Suddenly I heard a tapping on my phone
Ahh, Rupert, you were probably the most powerful person in the media world, more so than Howard Stern or Oprah Winfrey and now… you’re an even bigger d-bag than you were before Jonathan Pryce modeled his bad guy persona from Tomorrow Never Dies on you. Why? Because you are the CEO of News Corp. Your company, News of the World was hacking and tapping people’s phones, including a murder victim. The buck stops with you, no matter what. He was even requested to appear before parliament and declined to attend because he was unavailable. That takes balls. Who, in this country, could be so bold and powerful that he could be called before Congress to give evidence to an inquiry and decline because of a scheduling conflict? He, of course, attended the inquiry and said it was the ‘most humbling day of his life.’ I’m sure, as you sit atop your billions, you feel very humble while you let your company do these horrible deeds.

Old Spice – The company that smelled like success, now smells like old man
There was a brief moment in 2010 when Old Spice was cool. When Isaiah Mustafa appeared in a series of commercials dubbed, “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like”, the world was a buzz about this unknown man who suddenly was in the shower, then on a boat with diamonds and finally on a cow. More commercials followed and so did success for Mustafa who appeared on Chuck and as a police officer in Horrible Bosses.

Then, Old Spice switched it up and went with Fabio as their spokesperson. Everything grew cold and dark and the world became less of a happy place to live in among women who loved that Mustafa appeared in almost every commercial with nothing more than a towel, a six pack, and the hopes that gravity would somehow reverse itself.

Whether it was an intentional joke or Old Spice lived up to their name, Fabio muddled through his English and looked nothing like he did 20 years ago. The Internet went up in arms and a challenge was posted for title of the Old Spice Guy.

Problem was, did they really think we were dumb? This entire gimmick has cheapened the clever effects of the original ad campaign that blew up Mustafa’s star power. Now, it’s almost sad to see Fabio compete in a battle of sex appeal where he’s clearly bringing a pair of safety scissors to a bazooka fight. Old Spice continues to be the winner as new ads for Christmas showed up with Mustafa clearly back in control of the moniker of “Old Spice Guy”. Makes you wonder if they simply gave him a hiatus to go off and film a movie and some other roles with the intent to introduce then yank Fabio. The only one not in on the joke was perhaps Fabio.

In any case, because Old Spice used their social media and commercial prowess to pull off this dastardly deed, they land in the Media category as their business practices don’t exactly stink… as far as we know. Now look back at the list. We have one more.

Perez Hilton – From d-list celebrity to d-bag nominee for a second year
Bringing up the rear is a perpetual d-bag who is now a repeat nominee alongside Death and Roger Goodell which doesn’t say much for the company Death keeps, I guess. The biggest reason Hilton is on the list this year is because he’s a hypocrite. He slammed Roger Ebert’s tweet of “Friends don’t let Jackasses drink and drive” over the death of Ryan Dunn saying, “…This is somebody’s son, too soon Roger.” Eventually, Ebert recanted saying he had no idea whether or not Dunn was intoxicated at the time of the deadly crash… which was later found out to be the case. Dunn was indeed a jackass that claimed his life along with another because he was an idiot and drove 110 mph while intoxicated.

But back to Perez’s comments of Dunn being someone’s son. Perez had no trouble in posting photos all over his site of a then underage Miley Cyrus appearing to not be wearing underwear. Last I checked, Miley was somebody’s daughter, too and I believe that being under the age of 18 made it too soon to be exposing her like that. Granted, there were no charges for child pornography given that the photos were not of a sexual nature but he was a hypocrite, nonetheless.

And while we’re on the subject of people’s children, how he continually outed celebrities ranks up there with bullying. While he didn’t appear to out anyone this year, his tactics in the past speak volumes towards his hypocritical nature.

Being a part of the social media world gives you a voice. Your brain gives you the ability to know when to hold your tongue. The Internet gives us the ability to point out when you’re a hypocritical d-bag.

OK, enough debate, let’s pick a winner.

Mark Madden. You get the nod this time. Why? Well, because for one, I’ve never liked you. I refuse to listen The X on my way home from work, because I might just catch your bombastic idiotic mouth breathing voice in my ear. Now when you go on WDVE, to fill in for Mike Prisuta, you’re totally different, almost humorous. I’m still inclined to gouge out my ears with my car keys but it seems as if your demeanor changes when you are not playing the part of pompous wind bag on your own show.

Yet, playing the part doesn't mean tou get to be a d-bag to other people over Twitter, especially when it demeans women.  Just because a girl comments on sports does not mean she is clueless.  And it doesn't mean you can spout off your own misogynistic opinions and not think that it's a big deal to your employers.  You've already been fired twice for being an asshat.  Don't think you're immune because it's the X and you are who are.  If the X doesn't hope lose listeners over this then they're just as despicable, which is why I stopped listening to them back in the days of Alan Cox.  Bravo d-bag!  You've made it to the finals which will be posted next week.

2011 D-Bag Awards: Nominations

It’s that time of the year again. It’s the 2011 Mongo, Angry! Mongo Smash! D-Bag Awards. This is the round up of all the best d-bags of the year which culminates in the presenting of the Golden D-bag Award (fictional, of course) to one not so proud recipient.

Last year, it was almost in the bag for the Grim Reaper, himself but BP pulled ahead thanks to an environmental disaster and all around mucking up of the aftermath. Still, Death shows he’s a competitor as he comes back for another year as a probable finalist. While BP fires only a single d-bag worthy shot with a claim that Halliburton destroyed evidence from the Gulf Oil Spill. Nice try BP, but we’ll hope you can do more to represent your place in d-bag history next year.

So, here are the categories and the nominees. Each post will be a basic rehash of reasons why they are nominated culminating in a declaration of the winner. The winner from each bracket will go on to face each other in a battle royale for d-b supremacy.

Wannabe Celebrity (Reality D-bags) – In this category, folks who have made a lasting d-bag impact on the Internet or those who have tried to become a celebrity for lack of a better reason than to land themselves in the lineup of the nominations here will duke it out for a chance to go bags deep against the other bracket winners.

And the nominees are:

• Courtney Stodden
• The Kardashians
• Brooke Mueller
• Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino

Celebrity – They’re famous for being infamous across movies, television, and music. Pop Culture will cry in a corner for years to come.

And the nominees are:

• Chris Brown
• Charlie Sheen
• Lindsay Lohan
• Brett Ratner

Business – If I could name them all and fit them on the ballet, I would. Simply put, they make up the 99% of the d-bags in this world, but alas I had to narrow it down to four.

And the nominees are:

• NetFlix
• Bank of America
• PayPal
• Retail Industry

Sports as a Business – The individuals are pretty bad. However, the companies and brands behind them are simply baggerific.

And the nominees are:

• The NBA
• The NFL
• The Pittsburgh Pirates
• PSU

Sports People – These folks made a name for themselves being douchebags in the realm of sports.

And the nominees are:

• Jim Tressel
• Jerry Sandusky
• Jerry Meals
• Roger Goodell

D-bags That Have Affected People - OK, this one is a bit of a potpourri of d-bags. I couldn’t find anyway else to slice it so these folks were d-bags to people’s lives and property.

And the nominees are:

• Mother Nature
• Death
• Vancouver Stanley Cup Rioters
• John Pike

News/Media D-Bags - These D-Bags are a part of the fabric of our culture.   They haunt the Internet, the checkout aisles, our televisions, and our phone conversations.

And the nominees are:

• Julian Assange Mark Madden
• Rupert Murdoch
• Old Spice
• Perez Hilton

Update: Mark Madden was substituted in for Julian Assange who was originally nominated last year for the Wikileaks scandal.  My bad. 

 Let's get ready to rumble!

Get Dave Letterman On the Phone

On Monday, I kind of took a jab at my wife over her saying that they killed Obama Bin Laden.   Well, I apologize because everybody seems to be having trouble getting the name right.   Now, normally I would laugh at the fact that FOX News got it wrong.   I’ll let you stew on that for a bit.   However, it seems that CNN, local news affiliates and even people can get the names mixed up just as much as Geraldo Rivera.

Check out 1:02 for the huge fail.

Now, as I was coming back from lunch during my day long sit-and-wait-to-be-told-that-I wasn’t-going-to-be-picked-for-jury-duty, I passed by one of the televisions which was showing HLN.   The crawl at the bottom was “NYC FIREFIGHTERS REACT TO OBAMA’S DEATH”.

As an amateur humorist and lover of all things quirky about language I have to find the funny in all this.   In our time, we have had a murderous Al Qaeda leader named Osama Bin Laden and a President of the United States named Barack Hussein Obama.  Now, what are the odds that, one day, these two people with similar sounding names would cross paths where one would end up being killed during the others Presidential term?  It boggles the mind.

As we move through the life cycle of this news story, there will probably be countless other grammatical slips and I hope that we have the common sense to realize what they are and move past them.   However, I’m sure somewhere in the White House, Michelle is asking her husband about his ‘other wives’.   At least, I hope she’s joking about it.

With that, I leave you with the only possible to tie this all together.

Dave at the 67th Annual Academy Awards

March 27th, 1995

2010 D-Bag Awards: Nominations

Just in case any of you really enjoyed last year’s D-Bag Of the Year Awards, I am going to hold another Awards post, devoted to the dickery for this past year.  I have decided that I will not use the same format as last year, simply for the sake of sanity and time. This will be a straightforward posting with no elaborate scenarios. I will simply deliver each round with a brief summary of what each one did and the winner.  Those winners will go up against last year's winner, Death, in a sudden death cage match with ill tempered squirrels.

The Nominees for 2010 are:
D-Bag Jocks
Tiger Woods (2nd year Nominee)
Ben Roethlisberger
LeBron James
Brett Favre
Derek Jeter
Steve Johnson

D-Bag Celebs
Mel Gibson
Lindsay Lohan
Paris Hilton
John Mayer
Justin Bieber

Reality D-Bags
The Cast of The Jersey Shore
Heidi Montag (2nd year Nominee)
Jesse James
Teen Mom cast members

Political D-Bags
Christine O’Donnell
Sarah Palin (2nd year Nominee)
Bill O’Reilly
Glenn Beck
Tea Party Movement

Company D-Bags
Dell
Comcast
BP
MTV
The TSA

Media D-Bags
Julian Assange
Perez Hilton
ME (Mongo)
Dr. Laura Schlessinger

CED:  Chief Executive D-Bags
Roger Goodell
Bob Nutting
Steve Jobs

Woman Attacked In Monroeville PA Book Store

No happy childhood stories, no witty remarks about growing up in the 80s. This is as serious and to the point as it gets.

Recently, a couple were at Barnes and Noble in Monroeville, PA. The husband and wife went in separate directions and while alone, the wife was surrounded by a group of girls and hit on the back of the head with a lead pipe. The girls proceeded to beat her while she was on the ground. The husband, going to find her, saw his wife being attacked and tried to stop it. More of the girls restrained him and tell him not to interfere, that this was a gang initiation.
No police to stop it. No security to rescue them. It just simply took place in a book store.

Now, the wife of this guy is in the hospital. The worst part is, for whatever reason, local police and media are not talking about it or warning the general public. This is a very large and busy mall in the outskirts of Pittsburgh. Some of you not familiar with the area may know Monroeville Mall from the George Romero movie Dawn of the Dead in 1978. But this is not a movie. This is a real situation.

HAD IT BEEN my wife, I would have done everything in my power to help her. I cannot fathom standing witness to this act and feeling as helpless as the husband in this situation. I sure as hell would have been pulling hair, throwing books, chairs, screaming FIRE, or anything to draw attention to this. Of course, my wife would tell you that there would have been a bunch of gang members in the ER and not her but when you get caught from behind with a lead pipe and are dropped to the ground, beaten by multiple attackers, it's hard to get the drop on them.

So, Pittsburgh area visitors and residents be aware and stick close to a group in case this happens again. Let's hope that the media and police start releasing information to warn the public. Let's hope some fellow citizens take action and start helping. I say, you attack me or my family, all bets are off. That's it. One way or another you're getting taken down for such a heinous crime. I'm just that much of a prick to make it a personal mission to get justice.

The Saga of Balloon Boy

Andy Warhol coined the phrase "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes." Who would have known that Warhol predicted the age of reality television and the 24-hour news cycle almost two decades before the first Gulf War and Jessica McClure falling down a well.

On October 15th 2009, the world was gripped with fear and astonishment as a little lopsided helium balloon, which I’ve dubbed the Helium Falcon, took flight across the skies of Colorado. The experimental balloon, which looked like the love child of a Jiffy Pop pan and the Swedish Chef’s toque blanche, was tethered outside the home of a family in Fort Collins, Colorado. Reports came in that the six year old Falcon had climbed into the basket or compartment below the balloon and undid the moorings. The balloon then floated up and away from the home as onlookers wondered if this was an attack or a live promo stunt for ABC’s V, airing in November. That’s when the world started watching. Speaking of ABC and 15 minutes of fame, the Heene family was featured on the show Wife Swap.

As the detached dirigible floated up towards 10,000 feet, everyone sat on the edge of their seats wondering if little Falcon was inside. Wolf Blitzer covered it on CNN as analysts and pilots debated on the qualities of the balloons. Was it big enough to carry a boy Falcon’s size? How did the father construct the balloon? All manner of questions were thrown out to keep the story alive for longer than 20 minutes. Helicopters and camera crews watched in awe as the spinning balloon soared along the skyline towards Denver International Airport. Two Imperial Officers watched the balloon whiz by their tower, “Look, there’s another one.” “Hold your fire, there are no life forms on board.” To which the other officer replied “What are we being charged by the laser, now?”

Then as suddenly as it happened, the balloon gently landed in a field and little space men walked out and greeted Richard Dreyfus. Kidding, there was no Falcon inside the balloon. Where was Falcon? So, then it becomes a mystery as to what happened to this little boy. Did he fall out? Was he ever in the balloon in the first place? Now, a twenty minute story morphs into a media frenzy as search and rescue teams head out into the dwindling daylight to search a 15 mile or so radius for this detached basket. Soon, Wolf Blitzer throws up an image of the balloon and in the lower left corner of the image an object of some sort is seen in motion. Cue the Mega Pixel Giant Touch Map! Now we people trying to grasp and stretch this image that, wasn’t clear to begin with, into a huge blurry image so that we can try and perform a mass Rorschach test on live television. Is it a bird, is it a plane, is it Falcon? There was no clear indication what the hell that thing was except for the fact that it happened to be in the field of vision during the photo. It could have been a turkey flying over head.

Now, here’s where it gets even crazier. All the while during this media frenzy being dubbed Balloon Boy, which conjures up images of Jake Gyllenhaal in Bubble Boy, the Internet goes nuts with parodies. Shirts on Zazzle and CafePress hit the net. Writers in Hollywood start churning out spec scripts for a movie or at least a Lifetime Television Event. Everyone goes nuts until…….they find out the kid is hiding in the garage.

Around 6:15 pm, I finally switched back from watching Glee on my DVR to find out that little Falcon had been found alive, hiding in a box in the rafters above the family’s garage? His diary will be out next week. Seriously? The kid was hiding in the garage. Was this kid taking lessons from Bart Simpson? Did he just watch 12 Monkeys? WTF?!? (Internet Slang Quota Reached)

Now, what would have happened had this turned out differently? The entire media machine, including the amateur set of bloggers and shirt designers [read me, et. al], went crazy over the story and had we been wrong and the kid did fall out of the balloon or crashed, we would have been no better than the paparazzi standing alongside the wrecked remains of Princess Diana’s car in 1997. The ability to reach out and propagate a thought or fad or meme today is astounding. Blogs let us publish opinions and editorials, instantly. YouTube let’s upload movies…as long as they are not copyrighted… in minutes. I can produce and publish a design for a shirt in less time than it took for that balloon to crash into a field.

But, the joke could be on us. All of us who got sucked into the pseudo drama of Balloon Boy may have been taking for more than just a balloon ride. This could have been some Warholian attempt to get back into the spotlight. When asked by Wolf Blitzer why little Falcon didn’t come out when he was being called for, the kid didn’t answer. When his parents repeated the question, the six year old did what most kids do, say the wrong thing. “You guys said that, um [pause] we did this for the show.” What show, exactly? For show, meaning pretend? Then the kid gets sick, twice, during interviews on television, when asked the question, again.

Now, taking a day to digest all this, I watched the video of the “lift off” by the Heene family. After the balloon starts to float away, the father gets visibly upset, almost to the point of bad acting. Then, watching the Wolf Blitzer interview and hearing Falcon’s response, it almost seems like the kid was afraid to answer, like he forgot the preprogrammed response to that question. Asked about Falcon’s response, Richard says that Falcon was talking about a later moment when he was asked to recreate his climbing into the ceiling for the cameras.

As more and more comes out about this story, shock and awe turns to disbelief. The kids are allowed to swear and make rap videos? What about the report that the father asked his other son, Bradford, to take a ladder and get on the roof to look for the balloon’s heading. Then he states his fear that the kid could touch the high voltage supply inside. Was it 1.21 gigawatts of electricity?

As this all unfolds, you feel like this is some unscripted episode of The Office and Richard Heene is Michael Scott. Then the police hold their briefing today and the candor of the officer is just hysterical. I couldn’t hear all the questions being asked but at one point it sounded like a reporter asked him his personal take on the story and he responded, “I’ll tell you off record, perhaps over a toddy.”

And yet we watch and we watch and for 14 more minutes the world talks about Balloon Boy and his father Caractacus Potts. ABC is probably shuffling to find a spot in the schedule, so that they can rerun the episodes of Wife Swap featuring the Heenes. I’m sure the SNL is churning out specific bits for their live show on Saturday. I can see Bill Hader playing the beleaguered father while Fred Armisen plays the young Falcon. Robot Chicken could do an entire episode of bits with the balloon crashing into various Pop Culture clips like the aforementioned Star Wars interlude I spoke of or crashing into the balloon from the end of the Wizard of Oz after the Wizard breaks loose and even floating across the stage of the VMA’s in miniature as Kanye West halts the balloon’s progress long enough to say, “Im’ma let you finish, but Richard Branson has one of the best balloon videos of all time.”

See, we just can’t stop ourselves because our common sense is hiding somewhere in a box in the garage.

Crown of Bedazzled Thorns

OK. Maybe I’ve been in a vacuum for the past few weeks but why are Miss California and Donald Trump having a press conference? We have an economy in decline, jobs disappearing every day, two wars, constant threats to National Security, and we got these two follicle enhanced yahoos taking up air time.

Let’s see if I can get this straight. During the pageant, Carrie Prejean was asked, by Perez Hilton, her thoughts on gay marriage. First of all, why was Perez Hilton judging this thing? I mean that's like having Harry Knowles judge the Westminster Dog Show. Anyway, her response to Perez's (is that spelled right?) question was that she believes marriage should be between a man and a woman. Let it be noted that California has been a hot bed of activity over the can they/can’t they get married debate, thanks to the Prop 8 passage back in November.

Now, let me preface the rest of my sarcasm with the following statement. It is not up to me whether same sex couples can 'get married.' My opinions are just that. In any case, I am of no importance in this debate. I am a simple amateur blogger with an Internet connection and a lack of self control over my rant reflex. Do I think there should be a law one way or the other? No. This is the whole problem with separation of church and state. Why does one influence the other in this matter? I think it’s ridiculous that in the 21st century and with the changes that have occurred in this country that this is even an issue. All people should be allowed the same rights and benefits no matter who they are and they should be allowed to call it whatever they want. The very fact that this is an issue is in direct violation of the first paragraph of the Declaration of Independence.

With that being said, I detest that Perez Hilton pulled the pin on this grenade and tossed it into the room. He knew exactly what he was doing. It was premeditated and wrong. Now, as to her response. Narrow minded as it was, it’s an opinion and everyone is allowed to have one. A wise bumper sticker once said, "Opinions are like assholes, everybody has them....except for Angels and Barbie Dolls. They can't say anything due to their lack of anatomy."

What is really deplorable here is the retaliatory moves made in the following weeks. Apparently, some questionable photos surfaced showing Ms. Prejean in less than concealing clothes. Gee, a model took some photos with some skin showing… wow. We’ve just been thrown back into the McCarthy era. However, if those photos were in direct violation of the rules and regulations of the Miss America Pageant, then by all means she should have been stripped of her crown, just like the other scandalous young adults with their free thinking and alcohol experimentation. Don't you see, they’re ruining society for the rest of us. How dare they be young? Of course, Donald Trump set the precedent because with his refusal to demote previous pageant contestants, I guess he needs the ratings, which is probably why television news stations are devoting time to this non issue-issue.

What is despicable is the fact that they are still calling into question her response to the gay marriage issue. That opinion has no bearing on her ability to adhere to rules and regulations set forth by the pageant. It’s free speech and an opinion. They didn’t go after her until the photos came up. And exactly who found and leaked the photos? Two guesses.

The media latches on and plays the devil's advocate and prosecutor to the proceedings. The left and right winged media analyzes everything from her vocal inflections to a single blade of turf that wags on Trump's head. The Stock Market falls three points but her Q rating is through the roof as is the market share Celebrity Apprentice gains next week. Why does this qualify as news? It's a pageant. The Taliban doesn't care whether or not Miss Ohio dropped her baton during the talent portion.

Simply, if the girl broke the rules, get rid of her. Don’t have a press conference. Don’t over analyze the entire situation. She broke a rule by posing, not by talking. Although, the whole spin on this is laughable. Quite frankly, her recount of what happened is only less credible than those reasons given to Chris Hansen by predators who come into the house of 13 year old girl with a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 and a bouquet of flowers bought at the gas station.

Yet, to keep the story alive and relevant in the media, we have to keep going back to that statement….sorry opinion, she made during the pageant. Perhaps the world is tired of hearing about the economy, the car companies filing for bankruptcy, the problems in Pakistan and Iran, the pirates in Somalia, the health care problems, the recession, the social security disintegration, and the like.

In other news, I hear Octomom, Nadya Suleman, is pregnant again, Jon Gosselin is the father and they are going to live in the Big Brother House next season with Guantanamo Bay released detainees. My DVR is set to stunned.