2011 D-Bag Awards: News and Media D-Bags

CORRECTION: Julian Assange was originally listed as a nomination but I effed up. He was already nominated last year for the same thing so, thankfully a substitution was able to just slip in at the last moment. Thanks to Mark Madden for being a d-bag alternate.

Mark Madden – Get out of the kitchen fridge you fat d-bag
Unless you are unfamiliar with Madden’s career, there’s Wikipedia for that. Basically, he’s a shock jock who likes to hear himself talk. He got his ass whooped by Tank Abbot on WCW years ago, when he was a commentator. He has shown how much he hates Jerome Bettis which was basically Pittsburgh’s favorite son, save for that one fumble in the Indianapolis game in 2005.
And he took center stage this year shouting from the rooftops that he knew the whole Sandusky incident before the rest of the world did. Well, he didn’t. Sara Ganim wrote a piece of The Patriot News back in March that predates Mark Madden’s article from April. Madden just has a bigger following in the sports community and pointed the finger more on Penn State and Joe Paterno than Ganim did. But back to Mark Madden and his other 2011 idiocies.

Anyway, he got into a Twitter battle with some girl this month and basically said, “Get back in the kitchen”. Now, whether he knows his hockey stuff or sports for that matter is irrelevant. As a member of the media, social or otherwise, you need to conduct yourself in a manner that does not represent your employer in a bad light. And he does this with great aplomb.

Rupert Murdoch – Suddenly I heard a tapping on my phone
Ahh, Rupert, you were probably the most powerful person in the media world, more so than Howard Stern or Oprah Winfrey and now… you’re an even bigger d-bag than you were before Jonathan Pryce modeled his bad guy persona from Tomorrow Never Dies on you. Why? Because you are the CEO of News Corp. Your company, News of the World was hacking and tapping people’s phones, including a murder victim. The buck stops with you, no matter what. He was even requested to appear before parliament and declined to attend because he was unavailable. That takes balls. Who, in this country, could be so bold and powerful that he could be called before Congress to give evidence to an inquiry and decline because of a scheduling conflict? He, of course, attended the inquiry and said it was the ‘most humbling day of his life.’ I’m sure, as you sit atop your billions, you feel very humble while you let your company do these horrible deeds.

Old Spice – The company that smelled like success, now smells like old man
There was a brief moment in 2010 when Old Spice was cool. When Isaiah Mustafa appeared in a series of commercials dubbed, “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like”, the world was a buzz about this unknown man who suddenly was in the shower, then on a boat with diamonds and finally on a cow. More commercials followed and so did success for Mustafa who appeared on Chuck and as a police officer in Horrible Bosses.

Then, Old Spice switched it up and went with Fabio as their spokesperson. Everything grew cold and dark and the world became less of a happy place to live in among women who loved that Mustafa appeared in almost every commercial with nothing more than a towel, a six pack, and the hopes that gravity would somehow reverse itself.

Whether it was an intentional joke or Old Spice lived up to their name, Fabio muddled through his English and looked nothing like he did 20 years ago. The Internet went up in arms and a challenge was posted for title of the Old Spice Guy.

Problem was, did they really think we were dumb? This entire gimmick has cheapened the clever effects of the original ad campaign that blew up Mustafa’s star power. Now, it’s almost sad to see Fabio compete in a battle of sex appeal where he’s clearly bringing a pair of safety scissors to a bazooka fight. Old Spice continues to be the winner as new ads for Christmas showed up with Mustafa clearly back in control of the moniker of “Old Spice Guy”. Makes you wonder if they simply gave him a hiatus to go off and film a movie and some other roles with the intent to introduce then yank Fabio. The only one not in on the joke was perhaps Fabio.

In any case, because Old Spice used their social media and commercial prowess to pull off this dastardly deed, they land in the Media category as their business practices don’t exactly stink… as far as we know. Now look back at the list. We have one more.

Perez Hilton – From d-list celebrity to d-bag nominee for a second year
Bringing up the rear is a perpetual d-bag who is now a repeat nominee alongside Death and Roger Goodell which doesn’t say much for the company Death keeps, I guess. The biggest reason Hilton is on the list this year is because he’s a hypocrite. He slammed Roger Ebert’s tweet of “Friends don’t let Jackasses drink and drive” over the death of Ryan Dunn saying, “…This is somebody’s son, too soon Roger.” Eventually, Ebert recanted saying he had no idea whether or not Dunn was intoxicated at the time of the deadly crash… which was later found out to be the case. Dunn was indeed a jackass that claimed his life along with another because he was an idiot and drove 110 mph while intoxicated.

But back to Perez’s comments of Dunn being someone’s son. Perez had no trouble in posting photos all over his site of a then underage Miley Cyrus appearing to not be wearing underwear. Last I checked, Miley was somebody’s daughter, too and I believe that being under the age of 18 made it too soon to be exposing her like that. Granted, there were no charges for child pornography given that the photos were not of a sexual nature but he was a hypocrite, nonetheless.

And while we’re on the subject of people’s children, how he continually outed celebrities ranks up there with bullying. While he didn’t appear to out anyone this year, his tactics in the past speak volumes towards his hypocritical nature.

Being a part of the social media world gives you a voice. Your brain gives you the ability to know when to hold your tongue. The Internet gives us the ability to point out when you’re a hypocritical d-bag.

OK, enough debate, let’s pick a winner.

Mark Madden. You get the nod this time. Why? Well, because for one, I’ve never liked you. I refuse to listen The X on my way home from work, because I might just catch your bombastic idiotic mouth breathing voice in my ear. Now when you go on WDVE, to fill in for Mike Prisuta, you’re totally different, almost humorous. I’m still inclined to gouge out my ears with my car keys but it seems as if your demeanor changes when you are not playing the part of pompous wind bag on your own show.

Yet, playing the part doesn't mean tou get to be a d-bag to other people over Twitter, especially when it demeans women.  Just because a girl comments on sports does not mean she is clueless.  And it doesn't mean you can spout off your own misogynistic opinions and not think that it's a big deal to your employers.  You've already been fired twice for being an asshat.  Don't think you're immune because it's the X and you are who are.  If the X doesn't hope lose listeners over this then they're just as despicable, which is why I stopped listening to them back in the days of Alan Cox.  Bravo d-bag!  You've made it to the finals which will be posted next week.

Jackasses Dead And Alive

Ryan Dunn was a Jackass. There, I said it. Is it hurtful and despicable to say that in light of his death? No. He was a member of Jackass. In truth, I couldn’t remember which one he was until it was mentioned that he’s the one that stuck the toy car up his arse in the first Jackass movie. Then, it triggered a faint recollection. Other than that, his fame was lost on me.

Just after his death being reported, Roger Ebert tweeted something about the incident and it set off a firestorm of tweet rage among other celebrities, or those who claim to be. “Too soon” and “hurtful to families” was thrown about. Was it too soon? Does it matter? This is the age of the Internet, where everything is presented, digested, regurgitated, debated, and beaten like a dead horse in the matter of minutes. If Roger Ebert were to come back with that quip about Ryan being a jackass, say next year, it would be lost in the sea of trending topics.

Should Ebert have said it? Why not? He’s an observer of entertainment and media. He’s allowed to say whatever he wants and people are allowed to disagree with it.

Was he wrong? In my opinion, no, he was not. Look, the truth about what actually took place will not come out for days, maybe weeks or maybe ever. At the speed of a 140 characters per minute we take whatever news we get, vetted or not and run with it. Details evolve, change, get refuted and transmuted in the now and it’s ridiculous to think that it will ever go back to the way it was before social media eliminated credibility among informative sources.

The word on the tubes was that Ryan posted a picture of him drinking with two other people about two hours before he decided to drive. He was said to have had three beers and three shots over an indeterminate amount of time. It was also probable that he was driving his Porsche at a high rate of speed of around 130-140 mph. Of course, why wouldn’t you, if you were driving a Porsche; drinking or not?  It was also determined that his BAC was 0.19, twice the legal limit.  Drunk and driving a Porsche at that speed is asking for trouble, though I cannot conceive the idea that six alcoholic beverages made a huge difference in the constitution of someone like him. He simply had the odds stacked against him.

And Dunn didn’t just do this to himself. There was a passenger involved, too. Dunn’s car flew about 40 yards, through the trees before bursting into flame as it hit the last one. Regardless of all else, his tragedy affects not only his family, but also the family of his passenger. This could have ended in other ways, too. There could have been another vehicle and another fatality involved.

Why lionize what could have been avoidable? He did something stupid. He paid the price and took someone with him. He was a jackass. And guess who else is a jackass, Perez Hilton. He has the nerve to blast Roger Ebert for making an offhanded comment. This is the same guy that claimed Michael Jackson, going into cardiac arrest, was a publicity stunt.

Not to mention posting a picture of Miley Cyrus’s nether regions, supposedly without garments in what could have been considered child pornography. Not that I care all that much about Hanna Montana being critically damaged by Hilton but it was still wrong and Hilton hastily covered his tracks removing the picture. Do you think he wants to go to jail? Oh, and Hilton invades all kinds of privacy by publicly shaming closeted celebrities into coming out or revealing them like he’s judge, jury and executioner in the court of public appeal. Guess what, d-bag. It is neither your right nor your job to say whether or not someone needs to come out. Talk about bullying. In fact, what the hell is your job? Oh that’s right… third grade level graphic designer and blogger. Too effing bad, I already have that job. Go away.

If anyone should be apologizing, it should be the Internet for giving an account to Perez Hilton, not Ebert. And it seems as if the Internet agrees more with Ebert than Hilton. Score one for journalism and credibility.

2010 D-Bag Awards Round Six: Media D-Bags

So, in the year 2010, the media continued to be full of douchebaggery. Now, you may ask why I did not include Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly in this group. After all, they are part of the media. However, I fell they are more politically motivated. Beck had his rally and Bill had his opinions on "who killed us" on 9/11. So, I discounted them as media and moved them to the political round. Don't feel too bad about them. This round has four worthy d-bags competing for the title.

Julian Assange
Some may call him a hero. Others will call him reckless and dangerous. Well, he is. I give him credit for exposing a lot of information that should have been brought to light. However, his leaking of diplomatic cables has the potential of putting a lot of people in danger. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you actually should do it. Information and knowledge are powerful weapons and they are just as destructive as guns and bombs. Do I want transparency in my government? Yes. Do I want people to be held accountable for their actions? Yes. But we still have soldiers in Afghanistan and a fragile balance in the world and bringing these things to light can put a lot of people in danger. But, what is the safety of people vs. the freedom of the press, right? There's a thing called tact, you d-bag. How about you turn that probe on yourself and open up your closets and let us look at the skeletons.


Perez Hilton
Sometimes having an opinion has its merits. Perez feels he's witty and clever with his little squiggly lines and other stuff he posts on his blog. Last year he almost made the list over the whole Carrie Prejean deal. Granted, she was a bigger d-bag but he obviously came in with an agenda when he asked her the whole "opposite marriage" question. He also went for the jugular when he claimed Michael Jackson was feigning illness as a stunt to get out of having to do the "This is it" tour. Oops. He died. This year he posted a picture of Miley Cyrus, on stage, supposedly without underwear. Now, since he's not into Miley, it could be excusable. However, she was underage, at the time and that constitutes distributing child pornography. When he realized his faux pas, he claimed it was fake and had proof. Instead of re-posting the picture with undies, intact, he instead posted a different picture, claiming it was from the same occasion. Um, right. He got with his pants down. Perez, regardless of how much you poke fun of people I could care less about, you are a overexposed, hack, d-bag and you should probably just go away.

Me
That's what I said. Me. The ole Mongster himself. Why? Here's a list of reasons. I spend way too much time doing this kind of stuff and don't take care of the things that need to be taken care of in my own life. My house has about 15 projects that are either started, on deck, or on the drawing board and I would rather quibble over celebrities or draw funny pictures on shirts or get blown up by 12 year olds on Call of Duty death match than do them. I get cranky for no reason and take it out on those around me. Most of all, I have no right to point the finger at anyone else when I have am a no talent ass clown hack of a blogger with an Internet connection and no ambition to do any real work. That's why I'm a d-bag. By the way, if you ever see the call profile AngryMongo on Call of Duty Free for All, that's probably me. Frag away, I'll sneak up on your ass and knife once for payback.



And the winner is,


Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Myself aside, Dr. Laura is a champ d-bag all on her own. Her past indiscretions are legendary but this year she thought it was OK to just go off shouting the "n" word, just because others get to do it, too. Well, if that isn't reason enough, then I don't know what is. Here's a tip for you, Dr. D-bag. You don't get to use the word. I don't get to use the word. In fact, those that use the word shouldn't be using it. Whatever your race is, the word is still a bad one. I don't care if you use it in a sentence, a lyric, or a joke. "It's just a word." You're right, it's just a word. You have every right to say a word and we have every right to be upset over it. It's not the word, it's the history assigned to it. It's the 400 years that preceded Dr. Laura that make the word inflammatory. It's not about free speech or rights. It's about common decency and common sense. That's why you're a douchebag, Dr. Laura.