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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Top Ten Rejected Excuses for South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford’s Absence

Mark Sanford recently popped up on the radar after being out of touch for a few days. His office said he was hiking. He revealed he was in Argentina. Apparently, a few other cover stories were rejected before settling on the "I'm hiking the Appalachian trail" one.

10. He was kidnapped by Russians and forced to help search for a lost kingdom built by aliens with crystal skeletons.

9. While rafting down river he was pursued by backwoods hillbillies forcing him to use only his bow and arrow to defend himself under cover of night.

8. He was at an secret AIG retreat in Buenos Aires.

7. He stopped at a strip club along the border of Mexico and became trapped as hordes of vampires attack him in the form of Salma Hayek and Fred Williamson.

6. He was travelling with a Uruguayan Rugby Team on its way to a match in Santiago Chile and crashed in the Andes.

5. He was hiking along the jungles of South America when he was drawn into the search for an enormous emerald and the rescue of Elaine Wilder, the sister of fictional romance novelist, Joan Wilder.

4. He attempted to communicate his agenda but Twitter would only show the Fail Whale.

3. He was on a secret mission as part of an elite counter-terrorist team, whose main goal was to retrieve a fragment of a device called the Weather Dominator from a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world.

2. He was recovering at an undisclosed hospital after ingesting raw Nestle’s Toll House Cookie Dough. From now on, he says he’ll stick to only eating Uruguayan Rugby Players, uncooked.

1. He was hanging out at a frat party with Jon Gosselin and time just got away from him.

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