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Friday, October 21, 2011

Lions and Tigers and Bears in Ohio

What the hell is going on in Ohio?  Yesterday, the town of Zanesville, OH went into lock down because exotic animals were roaming the town.  There were wolves, a giraffe, and monkeys running amok.  Due to the lateness in the day and uninsured results from tranquilizers, the police force were ordered to shoot the animals if necessary.  Carson Palmer is probably glad he got traded.  Otherwise he might have been put down, too.   Efforts by news media to not quote The Wizard of Oz were strained, at best.  And at the moment, there is still a monkey on the loose.  A monkey that was said to have herpes is out there running around, hanging around bars and trying to pick up loose women.

Jumanji Stampede

Turns out, the owner of the animals was just released from prison about a month ago, his wife left him, he was worried that pending laws were going to force him to have to sell his animals, and he decided that his only recourse was to shoot himself and then unlock all the cages before succumbing to his self inflicted wound.

I smell a conspiracy.
The Army of the 12 Monkeys Did It

Electronic signs on the highway warned people of exotic animals on the loose, don’t stop, stay in your car.  Could you imagine driving through Ohio on business and seeing this?  You would have thought two jackasses hacked the signs like they did in  North Carolina a few years ago.

And let’s think about this guy for a second.   He’s been under scrutiny before because of his animals.  There is a rumor that he was using some of the exotic animals for wild game hunting.  So, he deserved to have the animals taken away from him.  But this was turning out to be a bad country song.  “I just got out of prison, my wife left me, and the 'gubment' is taking away my tiger.  I wish I would die.”  So, fine, go off yourself and leave instructions for the animals to be moved to appropriate facilities.   Don’t shoot yourself and then wreak havoc by letting wild animals loose in suburbia.

And how the hell did the monkey get herpes?!?!?   Better yet, how did they know it had it?

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