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Thursday, April 19, 2012

The Hungry Games

I’m fat. I know this. I do not have any delusions that I am who I am. I’m not trying to strut around in tight clothes unaware of the fact that I look like a sausage in casing. I have had a battle with weight most of my life and will probably continue to do so until I am either dead or diabetic. That doesn’t mean I have not tried to lose weight. I am pretty good at losing a few pounds here and there. Usually, I end up putting some back on but I wouldn’t consider myself in need of a Maury intervention and a crew to come cut me out of my house.

That being said, I scoff at the notion that there are people out there who are so obsessed with losing weight in order to fit into a bridal dress that they would voluntarily opt to have a nasal gastric feeding tube inserted instead of losing weight naturally.  The new fad costs around $1500 and allows the “patient” to get all the nutrition they need from their feeding tube under a doctor’s supervision.

Are people that nuts?

Feeding tubes are not sexy. They are not trendy. They are not a diet fad. They are a method for keeping people fed who cannot, or will not, ingest food any other way.

A friend of mine’s father just went into hospice for the end stages of intestinal cancer. He opted to remove his feeding tube and has decided to stop treatment. He is reconciling his fate. He did not have the luxury of using the feeding tube to lose weight. He had it because it was keeping him nourished because he couldn’t eat like everyone else. I’m sure he’d be willing to trade places with these self conscious, pretentious brides, and go out for a steak dinner, instead of sitting there waiting for his body to starve itself while hopped up on morphine.

I bet Terry Schiavo would have rather been out looking for a new dress instead of being trapped in a coma with a feeding tube while these idiots are running around counting the pounds they are losing thanks to this fad. 

Look, if you can't fit into your bridal dress, then you got the wrong size.  Plain and simple.   If you put on a few pounds due to stress or tasting all of the cookies and food for the reception, then you probably should go get on the treadmill.  This insanity where people don't actually have to do any of the work in order to lose the weight is the main problem we have.  Everybody's lazy.  I know I could lose 20 pounds just by changing my eating habits.  I'VE DONE IT.  If I wanted to lose more, I could do some more exercise, too.   But in order to get something out of it, you need to put some effort into it.  These idiots are cheating just to achieve a certain look for one day.  They are mocking the people who don't have that luxury; the ones who are stricken with disease or injury that cannot voluntarily choose to have or remove the feeding tube without suffering the consequences.

But hey, it’s a free country and people have every right to be assholes… just like me with my Twinkies.

BTW, tonight I’m going for a bacon cheese burger, cup of tortilla soup, and a warm chocolate cookie at Max & Erma’s. The only tube I’ll be using is the straw for my Diet Coke. Suck on that bridezillas.

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