WUMF: December 2012 Edition

Yeah…. So I was kind of hoping the Mayans would be right and I wouldn’t have to do a WUMF entry for December. But, they weren’t, so I have to. Then again, I looked back at 2012 and realized I did December 2011’s in January of 2012. At least I’m consistent. Here’s your WUMF.

Death Takes Over a Holiday
As I stated in one of my last entries of 2012, the D-bag award was handed over to Mr. Reaper, without contest. OK, part of it was I wasn’t feeling it. Though, the ends justified the means. In the last week and a half, we lost a good many people; celebrity and non-celebrity. And considering the news of what recently happened in Pakistan with cops and teachers being killed, Death earned the title back from the likes of BP and Jerry Sandusky. Here’s hoping he’s not such a douche in 2013.

Speaking of Not Feeling It
Let’s face it… I’ve been doing this blog for just about four years and I can tell you, the Internet lies… there is no money to be made off of blogging…. unless you are selling something other than your words. And quite frankly, the technology to block those ads have caught up to Google. Hell, I use Adblock myself. It’s a wonderful thing to have when you rely on YouTube to keep you informed of pop culture and humor. Then again, I actually wanted to join the ranks of the craptastic YouTubers who make money on there. Unfortunately, I neither have the talent, time, or content to even put together a decent blog post anymore, let alone a video.

Speaking of Decent Blog Posts
Yeah, I owe my four and a half readers some Skyfall posts. And… I promise they are coming. Really… I swear.  Whether they’re crap or gold remains to be seen.

The Return To Angry
I think I might have strayed away from my original brand. I sort of softened and let the Internet slang in to my work. I guess I sold out a little. Well, that ends this year. I’m bringing angry back. With that…

End of the Year Review
Here’s what I came up with…

 

Governor Tom Corbett – You didn’t feel it was appropriate to spend tax payer monies on fully investigating PSU and Jerry Sandusky while you were State Attorney General and running for governor. However, you find it necessary to spend tax payer monies, now, to sue the NCAA over the sanctions and penalties against PSU for what you failed to investigate… and you are running for re-election…next year. So, you didn’t want to piss off a majority of the voting population of PA, who probably hold a PSU degree, when you wanted their vote… and now you’re out to buy their vote. Well, played.

Hugh Hefner – You married your runaway bride, who is 60 years younger than you. Um… you both have no shame… and gay people aren’t allowed to marry in all states? Really?

Kanye and Kim - She said she was going to let him finish… and he did… now she’s pregnant with his baby… and still married to Kris Humphries… Well… this will be the first time half of America will get to see something coming out of her instead of going in her. Congratulations. I guess we see who wears the leather skirt in this relationship.

Dick Clark’s Rocking New Year’s Eve Review

• Oh look… there’s that hot band from 2012 playing in the corner of the screen while the fucking Disney store logo is in the middle of the screen. Thanks ABC.
• Neon Trees lead singer looked like Pee Wee Herman dipped in bleach and glitter.
• Fergie thinks she’s Queen Latifah and, unfortunately, Queen Latifah is whiter than her.
• Jenny McCarthy can finally start to stalk Justin Bieber without penalty for statutory rape… and she’s not exactly coy about it. My advice, Biebs…. Throw her a bone… she tends to like creepy man-child Canadians. You’ll finally hit puberty and with any luck, she’ll devour you and suffer indigestion… saving the rest of us.
• Pitbull has as many moves as Derek Zoolander… and he got bumped from the Live feed in Times Square to the rehashed crap in Hollywood. That Men In Black song takes on a whole new meaning. And… I think he had a fresh herpes sore on his mouth.
• Taylor Swift – “I just met this guy back stage, dated him, and broke up with him in a matter of minutes… GRAMMY SONGWRITER LEVEL – PRO.” Look, you have a ton of money…. It’s time to start getting music lessons. Your live performances are hideously out of tune and I can’t understand why you are STILL so friggin’ popular.
• And the winner of the night – Dick Clark for dying before this abomination ever happened.

Seriously, I admit it, I was a prick for laughing at how bad it was getting when Dick Clark was counting down the ball drop. He was three seconds behind and, OK, yeah, the guy had a stroke… but come on, Ryan Seacrest was slowly stealing that from him. In fact, I think Ryan Seacrest caused that stroke with some kind of Faustian deal with Simon Cowell. He has millions, will probably own or produce half of everything in two years, and is dating Julianne Hough. He’s got to be on the devil’s payroll. And like Ted Wass, he will eventually have to pay the devil back and I’m not sure there will be an epic-all in-soul-pot-for-the-taking poker hand between a set of dueling George Burns. But wouldn’t that be awesome?

Dick Clark was a businessman. He laid the groundwork and Seacrest is just following the template. It’s almost a Greek myth at work where the mightiest of Gods are usually overthrown by their sons… or it’s just a Star Wars Sith prophecy. In this case, Seacrest is Darth Vader and Dick Clark was Palpatine.

The problem with the DCRNYE celebration is that it’s pandering, now, to teens and 20-somethings who will end up staying in on New Year’s Eve in a couple years. It used to mean something. Now, it’s a commercial for the crappiest acts manufactured by Simon Cowell, ABC and the EvilCorp that is Disney. I really don’t think, under Dick Clark’s production, that the quality of the broadcast and performances would have been allowed to reach this ridiculous depth of commercialism and self indulgence.

I feel better now.  I feel like I purged the last of my soul and now I can continue to be the angry old prick I should be.   Let's hear it for 2013.

WUMF: December Edition

Another year has ended and once again, I bring you WUMF!

I had planned on having this in on New Year's Eve, but unfortunately forces were working against me.

Guards On Slicers Not Just Suggestions
I said forces were working against me.   My wife got a new Slicer/Chopper for Christmas and decided to bust it out in order to cook up New Year's Eve dinner for midnight.  It's called a Genius chopper and apparently, we were unqualified to operate it. 

My wife said, "Well how do I get the onions to be slivers for the pierogis?"  I said, "Look, it's simple."  I added in the slicer attachment and then proceeded to slice up an onion and then a small chunk of my finger.  "Way to go, dumbass."  It was just a little bit, not even noteworthy.  So, I said, "Well, that's why you use the guard.  You stick it on the onion and slide it back and forth."

As I went into the bathroom to get a bandage for my finger I hear, "OW!" and then some four letter word.  "What happened, genius?"  Turns out, my wife couldn't stand to be showed up by me and took an even bigger chunk out of her right ring finger.  We couldn't get it to stop bleeding.  We tried everything.  At one point, I thought we were going to end up at the ER, which is typical for us around the holidays.  Most people use the holidays to get together with family and enjoy the company and the event.  We use it as an excuse to try and max out our medical deductible. 

Well, my father-in-law came over and was able to properly dress her finger, cause I left with a light bulb looking bandage which quickly soaked up a lot of blood.  After she was settled down, the festivities needed to continue, so, the second string came in to cook the food and get everything ready.  That would be me.  I should have tried harder to get out of work. 

Christmas
My kid's fourth Christmas was apparently her 14th.  This year she sat among the boxes and made two piles of gifts.  I asked her what each pile was.  She said, "One is the presents I wanted and the other is stuff I didn't want."  I asked her which was which.  She said that the one with the toys was the pile she really wanted.  She then proceeded to say, "See, Daddy.  Even when I'm bad I get presents.

Work
As I close in on a full year at my new job, it's hard to realize that it has been a full year.  I left nearly ten years of service, over three weeks of vacation and a lot of friends.  And you know what?  It was the right decision.  Even though there are challenges in my new job, some good, some bad, I know that it was time for me to go.  Not saying why, just that my later mother-in-law would have approved of the change.

WDVE shakeup
WTF?!?  Last year, Randy Baumann suddenly disappeared from the morning show.  He was brought back about a month later.  Now, Jim Krenn, who has been the long time morning show host, has disappeared from the air since December 6th.  No word on why or if he'll be back.  There isn't a contract to be negotiated and even though I only get to listen to about an hour of the show, I've noticed that Krenn hasn't been on between 6 and 7am all year.  The running gag was always that Jim only works two weeks out of the year, so speculation is only set to run wild.  

In the long run money is probably a factor here.  Money and ratings.   Regardless, if he is gone, it's a big change to morning radio for me.  I was a bit uneasy about Randy Baumann taking over for Scott Paulsen 12 years ago but I've adjusted to it.  I don't know if it will be the same here.

Free Time
For Christmas I got Uncharted 3, Dead Island, and Call of Duty MW3.  The only thing I forgot to ask Santa for was free time.  I've been playing Dead Island and it's pretty sweet and sometimes a tad unsettling.  Most of the zombies are Romero speed but the Infected, as they are called are more like Zack Snyder or Danny Boyle speed zombies.   In fact, there are a tons of pop culture nods to all things zombies and other stuff.  One sign painted on a wall says, "Don't Open.  Dead Inside"   At another point, the main character has to go look for a crashed plane from Oceanic Air, a nod to lost.    It's fun and sick and gory and I'm finding it hard to do anything else, like cook New Year's dinner because my wife sliced up her finger.  lol.

Happy New Year!