WUMF: December Edition

Another year has ended and once again, I bring you WUMF!

I had planned on having this in on New Year's Eve, but unfortunately forces were working against me.

Guards On Slicers Not Just Suggestions
I said forces were working against me.   My wife got a new Slicer/Chopper for Christmas and decided to bust it out in order to cook up New Year's Eve dinner for midnight.  It's called a Genius chopper and apparently, we were unqualified to operate it. 

My wife said, "Well how do I get the onions to be slivers for the pierogis?"  I said, "Look, it's simple."  I added in the slicer attachment and then proceeded to slice up an onion and then a small chunk of my finger.  "Way to go, dumbass."  It was just a little bit, not even noteworthy.  So, I said, "Well, that's why you use the guard.  You stick it on the onion and slide it back and forth."

As I went into the bathroom to get a bandage for my finger I hear, "OW!" and then some four letter word.  "What happened, genius?"  Turns out, my wife couldn't stand to be showed up by me and took an even bigger chunk out of her right ring finger.  We couldn't get it to stop bleeding.  We tried everything.  At one point, I thought we were going to end up at the ER, which is typical for us around the holidays.  Most people use the holidays to get together with family and enjoy the company and the event.  We use it as an excuse to try and max out our medical deductible. 

Well, my father-in-law came over and was able to properly dress her finger, cause I left with a light bulb looking bandage which quickly soaked up a lot of blood.  After she was settled down, the festivities needed to continue, so, the second string came in to cook the food and get everything ready.  That would be me.  I should have tried harder to get out of work. 

Christmas
My kid's fourth Christmas was apparently her 14th.  This year she sat among the boxes and made two piles of gifts.  I asked her what each pile was.  She said, "One is the presents I wanted and the other is stuff I didn't want."  I asked her which was which.  She said that the one with the toys was the pile she really wanted.  She then proceeded to say, "See, Daddy.  Even when I'm bad I get presents.

Work
As I close in on a full year at my new job, it's hard to realize that it has been a full year.  I left nearly ten years of service, over three weeks of vacation and a lot of friends.  And you know what?  It was the right decision.  Even though there are challenges in my new job, some good, some bad, I know that it was time for me to go.  Not saying why, just that my later mother-in-law would have approved of the change.

WDVE shakeup
WTF?!?  Last year, Randy Baumann suddenly disappeared from the morning show.  He was brought back about a month later.  Now, Jim Krenn, who has been the long time morning show host, has disappeared from the air since December 6th.  No word on why or if he'll be back.  There isn't a contract to be negotiated and even though I only get to listen to about an hour of the show, I've noticed that Krenn hasn't been on between 6 and 7am all year.  The running gag was always that Jim only works two weeks out of the year, so speculation is only set to run wild.  

In the long run money is probably a factor here.  Money and ratings.   Regardless, if he is gone, it's a big change to morning radio for me.  I was a bit uneasy about Randy Baumann taking over for Scott Paulsen 12 years ago but I've adjusted to it.  I don't know if it will be the same here.

Free Time
For Christmas I got Uncharted 3, Dead Island, and Call of Duty MW3.  The only thing I forgot to ask Santa for was free time.  I've been playing Dead Island and it's pretty sweet and sometimes a tad unsettling.  Most of the zombies are Romero speed but the Infected, as they are called are more like Zack Snyder or Danny Boyle speed zombies.   In fact, there are a tons of pop culture nods to all things zombies and other stuff.  One sign painted on a wall says, "Don't Open.  Dead Inside"   At another point, the main character has to go look for a crashed plane from Oceanic Air, a nod to lost.    It's fun and sick and gory and I'm finding it hard to do anything else, like cook New Year's dinner because my wife sliced up her finger.  lol.

Happy New Year!

WUMF: May Edition

Another month, another WUMF.   So, what's happening my little droogies?

That much, huh?

May has been one of those weird months. I probably say that every WUMF update but really, May was weird.

1. Mother Nature is ragging it extra hard.
I know I added Mother Nature to the list of nominees for the d-bag of the year award in my last update. But May was an even bigger nature fail. Between the flooding along the mighty Mississippi to the destructive tornadoes that ravaged Joplin, Missouri, Mother Nature has been asserting her will upon us. Somewhere, Mark Wahlberg is saying the trees are out to get us.

Remember, you can donate to the Red Cross by texting 90999 from your mobile phone or by going to the Red Cross website and donating from there, if you’re like me and don’t have a data plan.

2. From Super Bowl MVP to Mirror Ball Champ
This past season of Dancing With the Stars was a little more exciting than the past couple. First of all, I wasn’t planning on ever watching the show again because that was my Mother-in-law’s thing. We would all go out to dinner on Tuesday nights and have to get our asses moving so she could see the elimination. Frankly, that show could be condensed into one hour. They really drag things out and plug a lot of commercials for it which is a drag for me.

However, since it was announced that Hines Ward would be competing, I figured I’d give it another go. Still, I would just put my cable box on ABC and do whatever. Then I would go back and find his dances, watch them and move on to something else. Usually, I am on the Wii with my Father-in-law hunting any manner of animal and would pause to go back and let my wife watch the dances.

Both those concepts bring me to my entire point. With the NFL in lockout mode, the athletes are kind of just left out in the cold. While other Steelers are tweeting and making the PR team within the front office spin their heads around, Hines did something constructive, if not a bit egotistical. He went out in front of millions of people and entered a dancing competition.

Now, there are guys; those manly man with man hands, rough from working in the pits of blue collar America who will sit there and say, “Yinz are crazy if yinz think I’m gonna be watchin’ Hines twirl arahnd like a ballerina on that Dancing show, n’at.” Fine. Be that way.

Then there are those guys that think that Hines being on DWTS somehow makes him less of a man. Well, especially since he cried real manly tears after his partner got hurt. However, I dare any one of those supposed butch men to walk up to Lynn Swann or Eric Dickerson and call them something akin to being soft. See how well that goes for you. Ballroom or Latin dancing is not akin to putting on tights and prancing around on Swan Lake. It is a workout. It is a hard thing. It is manly. It takes a lot of skill and discipline to do the amount of work he did in the amount of time he had to do it. Lay off of him for that. Besides, we know you watched when he was in the finals. Come out of the television reality/competition closet and admit it. He was good. He deserved to win. However, I don’t think Pittsburgh needs to have a parade to celebrate that fact.

The fact is that if there is a football season, this year, Hines will be in better shape at training camp than he’s been in years. Truthfully, he’s going to need it to continue to compete against the young guys.


3. Not a Fan
As I have said before I listen to 93.7 The Fan on my way to and from work. I am not usually a guy who would call into a show because a lot of the Fan is bullshit. They start these inane topics, sometimes one that incite certain feelings on either end of the spectrum baiting people to call in to air their opinion. Half of the time, they pull the pin on a grenade and then toss it into a Zambelli warehouse and watch the show.

Case in point, they ran a topic a couple of weeks ago asking fans to weigh in on who their most hated sports figure is. It would be easy for me to say Tom Brady, Chad Johnson or Ray Lewis. But I had a more entertaining story to tell. That is one I have often told to people as well as posting it on this blog.

How funny would it be to get onto a live radio program and tell them that I hate Rocky Bleier? I don’t, of course. I would simply tell the tale of how my wife hates Rocky Bleier, even to this day. It’s an awesome story with a great ending. So, I called in to the show. I actually got through on the third try and they put me on hold.

The thing to remember about calling into this show is that their hold music is the show, so you can turn down your radio to eliminate feedback, considering they are on a delay in order to be able to censor anything inappropriate. So, I sat in traffic from the Forbes Ave exit through the Squirrel Hill tunnels, waiting to get on the air. During this time, Joe Starkey, John Seibel and Josh Miller all bandied around their picks and their critiques of other people’s picks. They went to a few commercials and really didn’t take a lot of calls, infuriating me.

As to not sound like a jackass, which I am prone to do in public speaking venues if I don’t rehearse; I ran through my tale to cut it down for time and clarity. After waiting about 20 minutes, I had the feeling they were finally coming to me. Then I heard, “Was that [my name] we cut off…” and the phone went dead.

I waited twenty minutes to be hung up on by a D-bag DJ. Thanks a lot guys. I had an awesome story and you blew it. I will never call in again… well, maybe once to tell Ron Cook and Andrew Fillipponi they are the biggest idiots in sports radio.

4. The Rapture That Wasn't
We all survived.  Didn't we?  I was a little worried there because the Monday and Tuesday after the supposed Rapture, I saw little traffic on my way to and from work.  For about a minute I was convinced that maybe it did happen and I could coast my way in under an hour.   No such luck.  By Wednesday, traffic was back to normal and on Friday, it took me over two hours to get home. 

It was unreal.  I didn't find out about an accident at Edgewood / Swissvale until I was past the I-79 exit.  Not that it would have mattered since there was an accident at the S-curve of I-79 North, backing up traffic there.   I hit the standstill at the end of the Fort Pitt Bridge and made the gutsy move to try and traverse downtown in favor of the Strip District in order to go through Bloomfield and Shadyside.   That was a big mistake, too.   I made it to Point Breeze and Penn Ave was at a standstill because of an accident up in Wilkinsburg.  I was sitting at lights sometimes two or three cycles long.  I eventually decided to bypass traffic using a side street.   Here's a tip for you, if you ever try doing this, always turn right.   I turned left and when I decided to get back on Penn, I had to fight against traffic to turn left and nearly got creamed by a PAT bus looking to run the red light.

Anyway, back to the Rapture.  When is the class action lawsuit, I wonder.  After all, Harold Camping made a ton of money off of promoting the coming of the rapture.  Granted, he neither explicitly asked for money and what monies he did receive were mostly used for advertising.  However, he probably came away with a lot of cash for his radio network and organization.  So, my question is, "What does God need with a starship?" 

That obscure reference is to Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.  In the inferior, odd numbered, sequel in the series, the Enterprise is hijacked in order to find the location of Sha Ka Ree, the place of creation in the universe.  On the planet, they supposedly find God who needs a starship to leave the planet.  Well, you get the idea.   My use of that quote asks what does Harold Camping need with money if he plans to be taken in the Rapture?  He can't spend it.  He can't take it with him.  

So, why do people feel compelled to give him money?   Are they simply adults who are capable of their own actions or are they people who have been suckered based upon the playing on their devout beliefs of salvation through cryptic biblical references?   For the most part I think people should be responsible for their own actions but if a relative of mine was duped in a scam because they went after a weak spot in their armor, like family or faith, you better believe I'd be on the scammer like a fat kid on cake. 

In any case, we get another shot in October for Camping to be right.  And when that day comes to pass and we're all still here, maybe someone will go after this guy full force.   He was wrong in 1994 and didn't make another prediction until 2011.  Now, he's got a second prediction six months away.  Seems if he knows his time on this Earth is about up and I don't think because he knows when the Rapture is.





And that’s another WUMF update for you. See you next month.

And Now A Word From Our DJ

I gave up on listening to music format radio stations years ago. I do listen to WDVE in the morning on my way to work for the morning show. When they go to a song, I switch the station. Now, if that song is anything by Journey or Warren Zevon or Led Zeppelin or the Doors or… OK there are a lot of exceptions… but in any case, usually, the music means it’s time to go down the dial.
Where I end up is usually 93.7, The Fan. Us old fogies know it as The Station Formally Known As B94. I spend a few minutes there until commercial or they start talking about Pitt. I’m not a hater, I’m an alum. It’s just that somewhere in the last year, The Fan got a contract with the University to air their football and basketball games and even though this is a primarily Pittsburgh based sports talk station, about 50% or more of their discussions and coverage are about Pitt teams. It’s like they have to give lip service to the University every hour or they’ll lose their deal.

But that’s not what really bothers me about radio, these days. I’ve gone on about music and Top 40 and the crap that is out there, playing in heavy rotation every 20 minutes. This is more about what happens on the radio with the individual stations.

Now, let me back this rant up about 30 years. As a kid, I remember driving around town in my Dad’s old Chevy Custom Deluxe pickup truck. He had it tuned to pretty much one station, WCVI AM. It was the hometown radio station, just across the bridge from where we lived. It was mostly news with some middle of the road type music. The news was pretty much read from the newspaper, as you could actually hear the page turning as the broadcaster flipped the page to continue the story. But the real thrill for me was listening to Paul Harvey segments. You’re going to have to go look up Paul Harvey if you are unfamiliar. I could go on another three hours talking about him. I just don’t have that kind of time, right now.

The magic of Paul Harvey was part storytelling and part huckstering. He could seamlessly weave a mysterious tale about a famous person’s background and plug in a pitch for a Coleman Thermos in one breath. He excelled at blurring the line between broadcasting and commercial. Today’s equivalent would be like watching Chuck and noticing that the Nerd Herd “Herders” cars are Toyota’s, not because you know they are a Toyota Matrix, but because in the opening credits the logo is clearly shown. Also, they all love Subway, because there is a Subway wrapper shown in almost every episode. Paul Harvey was a little more subtle in his pitches but after awhile you could see them coming a mile away.

I shed a small tear when Harvey died in 2009. However, nothing burns me more than when I’m stuck in traffic from Wilkinsburg to the other side of the Squirrel Hill tunnels, or trying to frantically get back over to the middle lane at the Grant Street exit, only to hit a wall of traffic due to an accident just outside the Fort Pitt Tunnels, and I switch radio stations looking for actual content and get duped into listening to a commercial because the announcer is the same guy who I listen to during the regular broadcast.

That pisses me off to no end. I land on one station and think I’m listening to the show and find out that it’s a pitch for DirectTV or a car dealership. Now, my friends will be quick to point out that I should get Satellite Radio and hook up my iPod. First of all, I’m too cheap to spend the money on a radio that will have like three channels that I’ll listen to and my iPod has seen better days. Not to mention, the apparatus to hook up my iPod to my radio, so I can listen, is not conducive to me being a safe driver. That goose neck Belkin debacle of an iPod transmitter has nearly caused me more accidents than a teenager with a car and an unlimited text plan, who just got dumped. To sum it all up, I’m a cheap ass who would rather complain about what’s on the radio instead of doing something different.

But back to my tangent. Is it that apparent that no one likes commercials anymore that stations will do whatever it takes to try and work in their ads? Are they trying to be shifty by disguising a commercial by having the applicable on air host do the commercial? Am I just a conspiracy theory loving hater who thinks the world is out to get him? Yes, I know the last one is a rhetorical question.

Maybe this is evolution. Maybe all the tricks the Mad Men have employed over the years are leading to trying to find new ways to sell you something. I for one hate how Google has followed me around for months now on every website I visit. I’ve already paid for my vacation in the Outer Banks with a particular company. Stop showing me their ads when I go to a sports site. I know it’s a cookie thing. I guess they figure that a greater percentage of the population is able to be manipulated versus those of us who are turned away from that kind of advertising. For me, it’s like hypnosis. I don’t believe in it and usually it pushes me even further from whatever product they are selling. The Google thing just makes me want to stop using them altogether. But… it’s like Walmart, more often than not, you end up there because it’s easier.

So, as I develop stronger muscles in my right leg from commuting and a bigger sense of ambivalence towards radio and commercialism I will probably become even more curmudgeonly than I already was. Is that even a grammatically correct statement spell check? There is probably some puppy kicking in my future. And nothing kicks puppies better than my new Nike Cross Trainers… Puppy kicking… Just Do it.

And now you know the rest of the story…

Good Day…

Grrrr.

The Great American Mix Tape #4 Side B

On Side A I extolled the virtues of masters of the Maxell. What I failed to realize is that tape is a dead art form. As much as I would love to shout from the rooftops for everyone to grab a TDK 120 minute tape and Wang Chung tonight, I have to face facts. Unless, you're driving a pre 21st century car, you probably don't have tape deck capability. I give you kudos if you purposely installed a tape deck in your vehicle. Otherwise, the odds of you being able to listen to a mix tape, while driving, is slim to none, and slim just got off at the last exit. Even as we raced towards the horizon of the 21st century, ripping CD's onto our hard drives or surfing Napster and Kazzaa only to be shut down by the RIAA in favor of legally downloaded music, I still held onto the last bastion of mix tape mania. My 97' Chevy Cavalier had a non functional tape deck so I sprang for a $100 Sony stereo and CD changer installed in the trunk. While most people were buying generators for the impending doom of Y2K, I was prepared for tapes to disappear by just popping 10 of my favorite CDs into the magazine and hitting random.

While Y2K barely affected the world, the cassette tape slipped into oblivion and now hundreds of great road tunes languish in a box in my spare bedroom. I had to embrace the digital age and allow myself to work in the medium of mp3s. I will also allow all of you to do so as well. It's OK, really. I permit it. HOWEVER, don't think that gets you off the hook for quality. Just because you can burn hundreds of song files onto a CD or make a playlist that goes from here to infinity doesn't mean you can get lazy. I still expect the same thought out planning to be put into a playlist as you would into a mix tape. Truth be told, I actually like the ability to make playlists and mp3 CDs more than creating tapes. I would spend roughly 3 hours putting together a 90 minute mix tape. Once you gather all the source music and set up the equipment, you pretty much had to listen to the entire thing while you made it. Unfortunately, after spending an afternoon putting together a masterpiece, I was tired of listening to the songs. Some mix tapes would go unplayed for a few days after completion to allow myself a chance to get the songs out of my system. CD burning alleviated a lot of this with the ability to just drag and drop. Still, in the early days of CD burning, there was a substantial wait time for the completed project, not to mention "one and done" finality or the disc could get screwed up. I have a stack of CD's labeled "Bad" on a spindle next to my computer. This is my CD mix graveyard. With iTunes or other mp3 managers I can just drop and drag my files from folder to playlist in less than ten minutes and if it's not the end of the world if I don't like my selection.

Now that we have the ability to put together a playlist, let's apply technology to philosophy and create a kick ass, skull cracking, blood boiling, head banging playlist. Wow, does that sound limp. It's like replacing Shell Shock with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It goes from being a serious issue to a clinical afterthought. However, I refuse to let technology deter the quality of a good idea or story. This new fangled way of creating a "digital mix tape" will only serve to support the foundation of good music choices, not overrun it. I will not make The Phantom Menace, I will construct The Empire Strikes Back.

On Side A, I also gave a little insight as to how my list of songs could fit into a mix tape. Since we are forgoing the essence of the magnetic medium we are free to make a playlist as long or short as we want. We can envision a three song trip or one that spans the entire space of a 80gb iPod. It's truly up to you. I do feel the need to stress a safety concern. If you choose poorly and find yourself skipping songs on a list because they don't fit into your overall oeuvre of auditory delight, you may put yourself at risk of an accident. Just because it is not a cell phone, doesn't mean it is not distracting. So, choose wisely. I have outlined a category below and selected a group of songs for each. Whether you have a road trip planned for weeks or simply need to get out of town in a hurry, I have tried to dissect the essence of these songs and figure out where they can fit into your plans. Will it be daytime or night? Is it good weather or bad? Are you on the run or running towards something? These are all valid questions when it comes to planning out your highway hit parade. Here we go.

The Escape, Rescue, or Final Battle
Scenario 1: It's the end of the world as you know it and you need to get the hell out of town before the streets are jammed with people crawling at a snail's pace. Perhaps putting in that Gordon Lightfoot CD was a bad move on their part because now, the aliens are on their way and we're stuck in traffic.
Scenario 2: The bad guys got your girl and you have little time to be the hero and save her. You jump in the hot rod and make your way to the goon riddled hideout with only vengeance in your heart and a song in your car.
Scenario 3: The evil villain has the world held for ransom and it's up to and your trusty sidekick, the iPod to take his ass out. But, first you have to navigate the man streets to get there. Drop your shades into lock position and beat the rush early by having these songs preloaded on playlist, ready to go.

"You Know My Name" Chris Cornell (Casino Royale Soundtrack)
"Shot Gun" Southern Culture on the Skids
"Ballroom Blitz" Sweet
"Sabotage" Beastie Boys
"Spin Me Round" Dope
"Battle Flag" Lo Fidelity All Stars featuring Pigeon Head
"The Kids Aren't Alright" Offspring
"Take a Look Around" Limp Bizkit (Mission: Impossible 2 Soundtrack)
"Bodies" Drowning Pool
"Highway To Hell" AC/DC
"Kickstart My Heart" Motely Crue
"Pump it" Black Eyed Peas
"Push It to the Limit" Paul Engeman (Scarface Soundtrack)
"Pavilion / Venus Isle Reprise" Eric Johnson (instrumental)
"Don't Drink the Water" Dave Matthews Band
"The Final Game" Jerry Goldsmith (Rudy Soundtrack) (instrumental)
"Back to the Future Theme" Alan Silvestri (Back to the Future Soundtrack)(instrumental)
"Rocketeer To The Rescue" James Horner (The Rocketeer Soundtrack) (instrumental)
"Love Missle F1-11" Sigue Sigue Sputnik (You'll remember this from Ferris Bueller's Day Off)
"He's a Pirate" Klaus Bedelt (Pirates of the Carribean Curse of the Black Pearl Soundtrack) (instrumental)
"Mine all Mine" Van Halen
“Lunatic Fringe” Red Rider

The Bank Job or Slapstick Car Chase
Scenario 1: Somehow, you've just been wrongly accused of robbing a bank. Perhaps the teller misunderstood you, maybe the real crooks just left and your identity matches theirs. Either way, you've got to get out quick. Hop in the Hoopty and get gone.
Scenario 2: This could be segued into from Scenario 1. It could be a mad cap race to the finish line or the keystone cops are after you and all you have is a few short cuts and close calls between you and freedom. Avoid capture by calling up this list.

"Excuse Me, Mr.” No Doubt
"Cotton Eye Joe" Rednexx
"Higher Ground" Red Hot Chili Peppers
"Steve's Boogie" Eric Johnson (instrumental)
"Take The Money and Run" Steve Miller Band
"Theme from the Goonies" Dave Grusin (The Goonies Soundtrack)
"Triangles and Cowbells" The Refreshments (Extended version of the King of the Hill theme)

The Ninja Mission
Scenario 1: You're a private investigator or wisecracking reporter determined to bust the case wide open, all you need is stealth and the right music to silently track down that bad guy to his hideout where the evidence is out in the open for you. Keep a safe distance and follow him to the dope.
Scenario 2: You need the supplies to carry out your mission and that abandoned warehouse has all the stuff you need. Don your ski mask and get to sneaking.

"Fletch" Harold Faltemeyer (Fletch Soundtrack)
"Mission: Impossible Theme" U2 (Mission: Impossible Soundtrack)
"Peter Gunn" Henry Mancini
"Axel F" Harold Faltemeyer (Beverly Hills Cop Soundtrack)

She Loves Me
Scenario: Sometimes, you get the girl. Sometimes, the planets align. She chooses you. Now, you're driving high on the love. Get out there and make a fool of yourself.

"Girlfriend" Matthew Sweet
"Follow You Down" Gin Blossoms
"Rosanna" Toto
"Some Kind of Wonderful" Grand Funk Railroad
"I Believe I Can Fly" Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies (Also doubles as a chase song if you are driving in San Francisco catching air)
"Are You Gonna Be My Girl" Jet
"Cold Hard Bitch" Jet
"Electric Dreams" Giorgio Moroder and Philip Oakley (Electric Dreams Soundtrack)
"Slide" Goo Goo Dolls
"Dance Hall Days" Wang Chung
"She" Green Day

She Loves Me Not
Scenario: She doesn't love you anymore. She loves him. Get the hell out of here. You're better off without her. Now go out with the guys and get trashed. Please drink responsibly, designate a driver.

"Snowman" The Clarks
"Separate Ways / Worlds Apart" Journey
"Nothing Compares to You" Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies
"The Bad Touch" Bloodhound Gang
"Sin Nombre" The Refreshments
"I'm Not Okay" My Chemical Romance
"The River" The Clarks cover
"Figured You Out" Nickelback
"Paint it Black" Rolling Stones
"Take on Me" Reel Big Fish cover of A-Ha
"Alcohol" Bare Naked Ladies
"Tempted" Squeeze
"A Little Respect" Erasure
"Who Knew" Pink
"Midlife Crisis" Faith No More
"Tributary Otis" The Refreshments
"Guilty" Matthew Ryan

Miami Vice Style City Drive
Scenario: Whether the sun is setting or has gone for the day, you still drive with your shades on and the top down. The neon blues and the shiny blacks hide the real reason for your trip as you just cruise the streets looking to cause some trouble.

"I Wear My Sunglasses" Corey Hart
"Numb" Linkin Park Also works when mixed with "Encore" by Jay Z
"California Love" Tupac / Dr. Dre
"Classical Gas" Mason Williams

Heading Out West, Slipping Down South
Scenario: Whether it be a high class job out in LA, or reclaiming your southern heritage by heading south to the homestead you will be on the road for awhile and need some appropriate traveling tunes. Also great for the last trip with childhood friends before growing up and becoming responsible

"Life is a Highway" Tom Cochrane
"Interstate Love Song" Stone Temple Pilots
"Take it Easy" Travis Tritt cover of The Eagles from Common Thread Album
"Send Me On My Way" Rusted Root
"Amos Moses" Jerry Reed
"Hell On Wheels" The Clarks
"Sweet Home Country Grammar" Mash up between Nelly / Lynyrd Skynyrd
"Tripping Billies" Dave Matthews Band
"Copperhead Road" Steve Earle
"Boys of Summer" The Ataris cover of Den Henley
"Gin and Juice" Hayseed Dixie cover of Snoop Dogg
"Working for the Weekend" Loverboy
"No Rain" Blind Melon
"Green River" Creedence Clearwater Revival

Pure Straight Up Rock
Scenario: No explanation needed. It's just straight up rock. Who needs a reason to rock out to classic hits on the highway or down to the store for a scratch ticket. Just hit play and drive, baby.

"Smokin" Boston
"Running Down a Dream" Tom Petty
"Don't Stop Believin'" Journey
"Dreams" Van Halen
"Into Your Arms" Journey (instrumental)
"Long Way To the Top" AC/DC
"Who's There" Smash Mouth
"China Grove" Doobie Brothers
"Ants Marching" Dave Matthews Band
"Einstein on the Beach" Counting Crows
"Head Like a Hole" Nine Inch Nails
"Leave the Change" Open Cage
"Shimmy Low" The Clarks
"Immigrant Song" Led Zeppelin
"Falling To Pieces" Faith No More
"Breakfast At Tiffany's" Deep Blue Something

Flip the tape over for Side A:

The Great American Road Trip Mix Tape #4

Side A: Flip over to Side B:

The mix tape, an everyman's soundtrack for life condensed into an hour and a half on one side. When I first got a dual tape deck boom box capable of recording from tape to tape, I went nuts. Up until that point I had to wait by the radio for my favorite song, the record button at the ready. Most early mix tapes in my collection still have the sounds of DJ's long gone book ending those 80's tunes that filled my youth with Dance Hall Days and Endless Summer Nights. I would tuck my Walkman's belt clip securely over my Bugle Boy jeans, grab my ten speed and hit the streets delivering papers around my neighborhood while blasting a collection of my favorite songs into my now deafened ears.

At the age of 17, my parents entrusted me with my first vehicle, a 1984 Pontiac Firebird with bucket seats, pop up headlights, and a broken tape deck. I was devastated. My biggest dream was to pull out of my parents' driveway and hit the road with my mix tape blasting through the neighborhood. I managed to rig my walkman with an adapter that would play through the tape deck without needing the use of the capstan spindles, which wouldn't turn. Using a hand strap from an old duffle bag, I attached the walkman to my leg and I was off and running like Doug Masters from Iron Eagle.

As CD's became widely accepted I began pilfering my brother's collection looking for songs to weave into the tapestry of tunes that carried on this wayward son down the highways of southwestern Pennsylvania into the heart of the local mall. With the availability of recordable compact discs still beyond the horizon, I opted to keep the mix tape alive and spinning with my TDK 90 minute masterpieces. Not convinced that the concept of cassette tapes becoming extinct was a possibility, I honed my two finger recording skills to be able to maximize the entire 90 minutes. This was essential as to not recreate the "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida incident of 1993" in which I miscalculated the space available on side one causing the drum solo to be spread over two sides. Even with the advent of automatic-reversing, there was still an eight second pause in between sides that dropped me out of my driving zone.

Planning the perfect mix tape is an art form that has gone the way of the dodo, just like the skill of handwriting has when it comes to email and word processing programs. The object is to capture a feeling or set the mood for whatever the venue may be when the mix tape is played. Depending on the occasion you may want a big punch for an opening or in the case of a more subtle setting you might want to open slow building up the tension towards a powerful conclusion. In order to be the Michelangelo of the Memorex you have to be aware of important aspects when creating this magnetic piece of art.

Who is it for?
What is the theme?
Will you be able to play it repeatedly without getting tired of it?

That's why the mix tape is such an art form. With mp3's and CDs it's too easy to create a mixture of songs that will have you, or more importantly the person you make it for skipping over songs that don't fit in with other songs. With tapes it's more creative to plan out the song list. You have to be precise in choosing your set. Making snap decisions will cause you to have a huge gap wasted on side one, while you sit there and rack your brain over cutting a great tune because it won't fit on side two. The mix tape should only be attempted by professionals. There have been accounts where entire villages have been decimated over a poorly planned mix tape. I will never get those haunting images out of my head. Who can forget CNN showing the aftermath, complete with a smoldering Buffalo Bills Super Bowl XXVII shirt amongst the rubble. Those poor people, all the victims of a senseless misunderstanding over how to follow up opening a mix tape with AC/DC's “Thunderstruck.” Also, do be extremely careful to not misuse “Paradise By the Dashboard Light” or “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Those two songs should be reserved for long highway trips where you have no stops. It's also a bad idea to put them on the same side, let alone on the same tape. You don't want to waste precious song space with two epic tunes that total around 13 and a half minutes. Keep it simple.

In case you are wondering about that last paragraph, I will explain. You never ever open with “Thunderstruck.” There is no way to correctly follow it up without losing momentum by the fifth song. I suggest saving it for the last song on Side A. If you want to open your mix tape with a great starter song that will allow you to move smoothly into the rest of the list, I opt for a shortened version of Mark Mancina's opening track from the movie Twister. What?!? You've never used orchestral tracks from movie soundtracks on a mix tape? It's the greatest thing since Dolby Noise Reduction. I've been throwing movie tracks onto mix tapes for years. Some of the greats like Williams, Zimmer, and Silvestri are great for a highway drive. After all, what guy in the 80's didn't drive around in his Celica or Camaro pretending to be Sonny Crocket driving his replica Ferrari Daytona, complete with Ray Bans at midnight, loafers without socks, and fuchsia blazer over black tee shirt? There he is, crusing down the main street of town, blasting Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight" followed up by Jan Hammer’s “Crockett's Theme.” Now I ask you, how cool is that?

So, there you have it. I suggest you go home and practice putting together a kick ass mix tape. Don’t try to be a hero and go out there 14 inch speakers a blazing. Start small. Work on just one side and test it. These kinds of trials have made the difference between rocking down the highway with a skull exploding mix tape or being stuck at a red light next to a mean looking biker while blasting the Macarena in your AC Delco. Trust me, it won’t be pretty.

Mongo's suggestions for a great mix tape. in no particular order. These are only his opinions and come with no gaurantee. Results may vary.

"Rapture" by Seed
This song was completely unknown to me until a friend from California put it on a mix tape that she sent to me in 94. One of the coolest songs IMO.

"Astrocreep 2000" by White Zombie
My buddy Ray kicked off a great mix tape with this adrenaline charged tune as we rolled out of Pittsburgh and hit the highway.

"Banditos" by The Refreshments
A truly wonderful song from a truly underrated band. Great for fast escapes or quick trips.

"Trademark" by Eric Johnson
Subtle instrumental great for Side B opens or long rides through the plains or dessert.

"Dreamline" by Rush
Great opener from Rush's Roll the Bones album. Good highway tune.

"Couple Days Off" by Huey Lewis and the News
While it may seem passe and cheesy to put HLATN on a mix tape, it's still a great song. I suggest only using on Labor Day or Three Day weekend drives.

"Where's My Thing, Pt 4: Gangster of Boats Trilogy" by Rush
Strictly instrumental and strictly a freeway, weaving through traffic anthem.

"Cliffs of Dover" by Eric Johnson
Side B opener and great instrumental choice. Beat our "Where's My Thing" for the 1991 Grammy.

"Foreplay/Longtime" by Boston
At nearly eight minutes in length, this binary hit could get you in trouble if not used correctly, leave it for Side B to bring back the love.

"Eastbound and Down" by Jerry Reed
Get in your Trans Am, put on your cowboy, and turn on your CB. Great open for long trips on the Super Slab.

"Holding Out for a Hero" by Bonnie Tyler
Strictly for chases or rescues. Don't get stuck in traffic or you'll waste it.

"Humans Being" by Van Halen
The last known track by Van Halen to include Sammy Haggar. Another gem from Twister

"Heaven or the Highway Out of Town" by The Refreshments
Another great pick from them. A good closer for Side B. For the daring, I suggest their "Blue Collar Suicide" as a Side A opener

"Crockett's Theme" by Jan Hammer
City driving at night should be reserved for this synth hit from the Miami Vice soundtrack

"Africa" by Toto
Another good night tune, especially at dusk heading into the city.

"Stone in Love" by Journey
Good Side B opener. Resist using on Side A for fear of the "Thunderstruck" effect.

"Man in Motion" by John Parr
80's movie magic found in this St. Elmo's Fire hit.

"The Price of Love" by Roger Daltrey
The Who frontman mad quite a few soundtrack appearances. This is a good Side B opener.

"Quicksilver Lightning" by Roger Daltrey
Another from the man. If planned out correctly, could be a Side A opener.

"Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger
Keep the momentum alive by using this track somewhere in the middle of Side A.

"Scratch-N-Sniff" by Stevie Ray Vaughn
The late great guitarist gives your Side B a much needed boost

"Be Good to Yourself" by Journey
Another great closer to Side B. A complimentary Side A opener is their "Only the Young" offering from Vision Quest

A Tribute to Myron Cope

Yoi! In Peace

Myron Cope
1929-2008

Brief Summary of Cope's Life and Career

Today's previously scheduled entry has been pushed to tomorrow in order to pay tribute to a man who has made an indelible impact on sports broadcasting. Sadly, Myron Cope passed away yesterday, February 27th, 2008. Born Myron Sidney Kopelman, Cope's early career took him from a job at the Erie Daily Times, now called the Erie Times-News, to that of a freelance journalist. One of his most notable stints was with Sports Illustrated in which his profile of Howard Cosell was selected as one of the 50 best articles published in the magazine during it's 50th anniversary year.

In the 60's Cope moved into radio and his unique and distinct vocal style was recognized by the Pittsburgh Steelers organization. In 1970 he was made a member of their radio team. As the Steelers dominated the 70's, Cope's fame grew. Perhaps his biggest contribution came in 1975 when he urged fans to take yellow dish towels to a playoff game against the Baltimore Colts. As a way to excite fans and add that 12th man to the field, he instructed the fans to wave their dish towels throughout the game. While some players were less than enthusiastic about resorting to a "gimmick," the towels, now called "The Terrible Towel" seemed to bring a bit of magic to the field and the Steelers defeated the Colts 28-10. Official towels were made in time for Super Bowl X in which The Steelers beat the Cowboys for their second Super Bowl win that decade. Throughout the 80's, Cope did commentaries and editorials for Pittsburgh's ABC affiliate, WTAE. Dressed in a lab coat and calling himself Dr. Cope, he analyzed the opposition each week against the Steelers. Segments memorable ended with the phrase, "This is Myron Cope, on Sports." Crossing ino the 90's, Cope appeared in various music videos spoofing popular songs like "The Macarena" and "Achy Breaky Heart" all themed around the Steelers.

In 1996, Cope pulled his biggest, and most philanthropic stunt yet. He gave the rights and ownership of "Myron Cope's Official Terrible Towel" to the Allegheny Valley School. The school provides care for people with physical and mental disabilities. Cope's own son was born with severe autism and haslived almost his entire life at the Allegheny Valley School. Proceeds from the sale of "The Terrible Towel" have raised over $2 million dollars for the school since 1996.

Cope retired from broadcasting in 2005 after numerous health issues deteriorated his voice. He was honored with the Pete Rozelle award shortly after his retirement for his longtime contributions to pro football in radio and television. Sadly, after several bouts with pneumonia and cancerous growth, removed from his throat, Cope died at age 79 in a nursing home in Latrobe yesterday.

My Thoughts on Cope

As a life long Steeler fan, I was saddened by the news of Cope's death. He was one of those people you either loved or hated, based on his voice. His shrill, falsetto, tone seemed to grate on some people, while others relished in his color commentary which included some of the strangest, yet appropriate catchphrases. A common practice within the Pittsburgh and surrounding area was to watch a Steelers' game with the sound on the television turned down and listen to the radio, tuned to 102.5 FM, to hear Myron. Along with Bill Hillgrove and former Steeler, Tunch Ilkin, they provided an experience that rivaled no other when it came to professional sports. Cope joins ranks with Bob Prince and Mike Lange as the Holy Trinity of Pittsburgh Broadcasting. He was nothing exceptional to look at. He looked like a cross between Burt Young and a Koala Bear on a three day bender but he could weave a story. I can vividly remember driving around doing some last minute Christmas shopping and listening to the Steelers lose a 6-0 heartbreaker to the Jets during their dismal 2003 season. After halftime Cope began telling a long story from his youth involving a bar, hookers, and another broadcaster. He would intermittently add chapters to the tale in between action on the field. He managed to take the entire second half to recount this story and made the loss a little more enjoyable. He was the kind of person that had some of the greatest stories to tell.

Cope's greatest stories appear in his book, "Double Yoi" which he retold on WDVE's morning show. It involved a road game on a Thursday evening in which Cope realized it was garbage night and shouted over the air, "Mildred, it's Thursday Night, put out the garbage!" His partner, Jack Flemming doubled over with laughter during the broadcast. The following year another Thursday night game was scheduled and at some point during the broadcast, Flemming shouted "Mildred, it's Thursday Night. Put out the garbage!" Always striving to be a private person, Cope hated to bring his personal life out into the homes of hundreds listening in to the radio. However, when you have such a storied career, people tend to listen and remember. WDVE has included this story in one of their compilation CDs that they produce each year for charity, forever cementing Cope's garbage night tale into broadcast history.

When Cope retired in 2005, I remember driving, to of all places, Cleveland, OH, and listening to his press conference on the radio. It was the end of an era and I knew that listening to the games would never be the same. I find myself still listening in the car when I can't watch, but I rarely turn the television sound down when I'm watching at home. It's a shame that Cope missed two very important events in the history of the Steelers. During the 1972 AFC Divisional Playoffs against the Raiders, Cope and Art Rooney were taking the elevator down to the field at Three Rivers Stadium. Cope on his way to do post game interviews, Rooney to console his team on the loss. During the trip, Bradshaw threw a pass to Frenchy Fuqua, which bounced off of either Jack Tatum's shoulder or Fuqua, depending on who tells the story, finding its way into hands of Franco Harris' fingers nearly on the ground. The "Immaculate Reception" dubbed by Cope, on suggestion from a fan who called him that night, became one of the greatest plays in the history of the Steelers giving them a touchdown and the lead over the Raiders It was cited as the greatest play of all time by NFL films. The play would have only been greater if would have paved the way for the Steelers to win the Super Bowl that year. Unfortunately, this was 1972 and the year the Dolphins went undefeated. Cope also missed the return to glory by the Steelers in 2005 when he retired before the season and was not in attendance in the booth during Pittsburgh's magical season which included a sixth seed in the playoffs and four on the road wins to capture their fifth Lombardi Trophy. Even though they were considered the home team in Super Bowl XL, Pittsburgh opted to play in their away jersey's signifying their road warrior status. Ironically, the post season also included a miraculous play in the AFC Divisional Championship game at the RCA Dome in Indianapolis, when Jerome Bettis fumbled, giving Nick Harper a chance to score on the recovery. He would have ran the length of the field for a touchdown had Ben Roethlisberger not grabbed his foot and brought him down. This play nearly ended the Steelers' playoff season and has been called, "The Immaculate Redemption" or simply, "The Tackle."

I'm sure that there will be a great number of tributes to the gravelly voiced Cope on the news and the Internet in the days to come. It's my feeling that the Steelers' should produce a black version of the Terrible Towel to be waved in tribute to Cope at the Steelers' 2008 home opener. Perhaps a statue in his likeness outside the Coca Cola great hall where he held his post game shows called Cope's Cabana. Perhaps even a dedication of the broadcast booth in his name. This was a man that could have easily cashed in on "The Terrible Towel" and retired a very rich man. Instead, he endowed The Allegheny Valley School with ownership of his invention and it has help improve the quality of life of hundreds of disabled people. He certainly has earned the respect and love of his listeners as well as his former employers, and anything less is a load of Gorgonzola.

This is Angry Mongo, on Cope.

Fan site dedicated to Myron Cope sound bites
First of many Cope tributes on YouTube
Official Site of the Terrible Towel
The Pittsburgh Channel.com's Video Tribute