A coworker brought this up to me and it made me wonder the following:
“Do people spend long amounts of time talking to their close friends on the phone?”
By that, I mean, the friends that they see on a regular basis. Not the ones they haven’t seen since childhood or went to college with and only see like once in decade. I’m talking about classmates, coworkers, neighbors.
The reason I wonder is that with the technology we have, the ability to talk on a phone is probably the least of the features people want when they shop for a phone. People want texting and Internet and apps. And do people even worry about home phones anymore?
If talking on the phone with a friend for more than ten minutes is a out of date practice then I weep for the new generation. Let me set up a scenario for you.
Circa 1987, there was a show on MTV called Remote Control. Most will only know that this is where Adam Sandler became well known and moved onto Saturday Night Live from there. At its zenith, MTV could balance shows with music videos but… that ended with a loud thud around 1992. That’s another story.
Anyway, after a long day of seventh grade, I came home and turned on the television to see this new show on MTV. The next day I told my friend about it and he said he had seen it, too. So, the next time it was on, I called him and we pretty much sat on the phone for a half hour, bullshitting while watching this show. There was no important discussion; no need for a call. It was just two friends watching the same show, in two different houses, at a time when a stretched phone cord could be considered lethal to someone under five foot had they ran from one room to another.
I cannot remember the last time I spent a half hour talking with someone on the phone without an explicit purpose. “We have Facebook and texting and email, who talks 30 minutes in a row? How do you get anything done?” We’ve become so task oriented in life. If we can’t get it done while doing two other things, we don’t do it. I can’t sit in a meeting unless I’m troubleshooting one issue, reading email, and IM’ing another person about another issue all at the same time. I am not that important of a person. I could only imagine someone with three letters in their title. You probably never see those people laying on their bed with a phone pressed to their ear to the point of sweatiness discussing their favorite show with their friends. These are things we don’t do anymore.
Do teenage girls call teenage boys anymore? Is this something I’ll need to deal with when my kid is ten years older? Her generation will never know the pains of my generation when it comes to a house telephone. We had one line, no call waiting, and no answering machine before 1984. That was when we had two high school students in the house at one time.
When we moved into a new house in 1984, we had a second line set up for my brother and sister, but still no call waiting or answering machine. In fact, we still had two rotary phones and a push button one, all corded. Then, when my brother and sister were off to college or working late nights, my parents had another push button phone put into their bedroom. Still no call waiting but we did have an answering machine by 1987.
In fact, I don’t think my parents have call waiting in 2012, but they have upgraded to wireless handsets and both have cell phones. That’s why I don’t know how much of an impact the phone will have in my life when my daughter gets to be a teen. She’s certainly not getting a cell phone… at least one that can text or take pictures until she’s 18. (I know. I can wish, right?) If anything, I’d like her to be only able to call us or the police from a cell phone until she’s 18, but I know that’s not going to happen. In any case, I have a cell phone. My wife has a cell phone. We don’t use our home phone that much except for other calls, that we usually don’t answer as it is. We mostly have the ringer turned down because stupid calls come at inopportune times. We can called ID on our television, so we know if we want to answer it, anyway.
But even in the most extreme cases, I won’t care that my kid is on the phone, unless she’s talking long distance to a friend, for hours, or if she’s calling a nursing home for me. Then, I might cut the cord. Or… at least the power.
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Showing posts with label MTV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MTV. Show all posts
Friday, August 10, 2012
Friday, September 23, 2011
Iconic
Twenty years ago, this Saturday, an album debuted that, for lack of a better term, turned the music industry on its ear. Nevermind, from Nirvana, was chronologically the second album but it was the first to gain the attention of a mainstream audience.
I was 16 when Nevermind hit the scene and, quite frankly, apart from thinking it was kind of catchy, I didn’t give it much more thought. I was more impressed with Weird Al Yankovic’s parody “Smells Like Nirvana” eight months later.
Two years after Weird Al parodied “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, the sorrowful, but perhaps inevitable happened. In the span of only three studio albums, Nirvana left an indelible mark on the recording industry, kicked off a new style of music and left fans befuddled and bewildered when the lead singer, Kurt Cobain, took a shotgun and ended his life.
I was a Freshman in college. I was struggling through my second semester in a new, urban school setting, and I was pissed off at the world. I wasn’t pissed that my favorite singer killed himself. I was pissed that the everyday, casual teenager felt the need to dress like a grunge groupie. For an alternative music genre, distinct in its desire to be different from everybody else, there was a lot of conformity. There were a lot of people wandering around the frozen quads of Pitt wearing flannel shirts tied around their waist. Even at the age of 19, I was developing that “Get off my lawn” mentality because where I was from, born in raised in Fayette Nam, PA, you wore your flannel for warmth and comfort, not for show. So, as everyone reminisces and waxes about the impact of Nevermind, I will remember how stupid people looked, trying to light a cigarette in 20 degree weather, shivering, while trying to look like they were Grunge.
Perhaps it was fate that Cobain killed himself. Perhaps it was undeniable destiny that, for someone who redefined Generation X from the 80s and "I Want My MTV" eras to the "The world sucks and we're all not going to be your sheep." era, should not live long enough to be played out and bastardized in the pop culture media of the RIAA machine. Nirvana could not be envisioned as the poster boy for the likes of TRL. They would not be. Cobain's resistance to fame was that more indicative of fame's desire to have him. He was going to be a star in spite of himself and maybe that is what killed him more.
Denis Leary joked that someone should have walked up to Elvis and shot him in the head at an early age instead of leaving us with the lasting vision of him dead and bloated on a toilet. The Cobain legacy played out exactly as he would have hated it, in the courts fighting over who gets more ownership of his existence, Nirvana or Courtney Love. His only way of existing was to cease to exist. Could you imagine Cobain being relegated to countless greatest hits albums, selling out an image to maintain relevance?
Spanning the last 50 years, look at those who died before their fame truly became bigger than the artist. Jimmy Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, and the latest addition Amy Winehouse, though her inclusion is in question because of the freshness of her death. Time will tell whether she becomes more famous, now.
On a similar yet different note, two months after Nevermind was released, the music industry lost an even more iconic symbol. On November 24, 1991, Freddie Mercury lost his battle with AIDS, dying from pneumonia. Queen was/is a band who, as my co-worker put it, should be considered one of the greatest rock bands ever, that still perform, but never got their due.
Now, my generation is probably more closely related to Kurt’s impact rather than Freddie’s. However, I am prone to go beyond my generation’s predefined areas of influence and pop culture observance. Granted, I had never heard “Bohemian Rhapsody” until it appeared in Wayne’s World in 1992. And yes, I still bang my head at the appropriate time when it comes on in the car. But, I knew of Queen’s music before. I had seen Flash Gordon and heard some of News of the World and The Game, growing up.
To me, Freddie Mercury’s death was a greater loss to music. This is not to diminish Kurt Cobain in any way. Kurt’s impact was in the writing. Freddie’s was more overall based on his vocals and delivery. Mercury had such a stage presence and musicality. His looks were, in a way, unconventional, much like Cobain’s. And even though, they were vastly different in their styles and contributions, their influential paths were following the same direction.
Possessing over a four-octave vocal range and writing such iconic songs as “Bohemian Rhapsody”, “Somebody To Love”, “Killer Queen” and “We are the Champions”, Mercury brought a style of rock that had not been present in the 70s. There was a showmanship to his stage presence, flamboyant costumes, but those chops were unmistakable as Brian May’s Red Special guitar sound. They played operatic tunes, mixed with straight rock. They pulled influences from ragtime and blues. They had some disco and even gospel touches to their songs. Queen became a stadium rock staple culminating in one of the most memorable performances at Wembley Stadium’s Live Aid concert in 1985.
I still listen to Queen in my music shuffling. I assembled my own greatest hits compilation and from time to time, I’ll cue it up. It even includes Flash’s Theme. But I was reminded of how Mercury sounded and how much those vocals sent shivers down my spine when I saw a video of a Canadian Christian Rock singer band covering “Somebody to Love”.
I was 16 when Nevermind hit the scene and, quite frankly, apart from thinking it was kind of catchy, I didn’t give it much more thought. I was more impressed with Weird Al Yankovic’s parody “Smells Like Nirvana” eight months later.
Two years after Weird Al parodied “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, the sorrowful, but perhaps inevitable happened. In the span of only three studio albums, Nirvana left an indelible mark on the recording industry, kicked off a new style of music and left fans befuddled and bewildered when the lead singer, Kurt Cobain, took a shotgun and ended his life.
I was a Freshman in college. I was struggling through my second semester in a new, urban school setting, and I was pissed off at the world. I wasn’t pissed that my favorite singer killed himself. I was pissed that the everyday, casual teenager felt the need to dress like a grunge groupie. For an alternative music genre, distinct in its desire to be different from everybody else, there was a lot of conformity. There were a lot of people wandering around the frozen quads of Pitt wearing flannel shirts tied around their waist. Even at the age of 19, I was developing that “Get off my lawn” mentality because where I was from, born in raised in Fayette Nam, PA, you wore your flannel for warmth and comfort, not for show. So, as everyone reminisces and waxes about the impact of Nevermind, I will remember how stupid people looked, trying to light a cigarette in 20 degree weather, shivering, while trying to look like they were Grunge.
Perhaps it was fate that Cobain killed himself. Perhaps it was undeniable destiny that, for someone who redefined Generation X from the 80s and "I Want My MTV" eras to the "The world sucks and we're all not going to be your sheep." era, should not live long enough to be played out and bastardized in the pop culture media of the RIAA machine. Nirvana could not be envisioned as the poster boy for the likes of TRL. They would not be. Cobain's resistance to fame was that more indicative of fame's desire to have him. He was going to be a star in spite of himself and maybe that is what killed him more.
Denis Leary joked that someone should have walked up to Elvis and shot him in the head at an early age instead of leaving us with the lasting vision of him dead and bloated on a toilet. The Cobain legacy played out exactly as he would have hated it, in the courts fighting over who gets more ownership of his existence, Nirvana or Courtney Love. His only way of existing was to cease to exist. Could you imagine Cobain being relegated to countless greatest hits albums, selling out an image to maintain relevance?
Spanning the last 50 years, look at those who died before their fame truly became bigger than the artist. Jimmy Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, and the latest addition Amy Winehouse, though her inclusion is in question because of the freshness of her death. Time will tell whether she becomes more famous, now.
On a similar yet different note, two months after Nevermind was released, the music industry lost an even more iconic symbol. On November 24, 1991, Freddie Mercury lost his battle with AIDS, dying from pneumonia. Queen was/is a band who, as my co-worker put it, should be considered one of the greatest rock bands ever, that still perform, but never got their due.
Now, my generation is probably more closely related to Kurt’s impact rather than Freddie’s. However, I am prone to go beyond my generation’s predefined areas of influence and pop culture observance. Granted, I had never heard “Bohemian Rhapsody” until it appeared in Wayne’s World in 1992. And yes, I still bang my head at the appropriate time when it comes on in the car. But, I knew of Queen’s music before. I had seen Flash Gordon and heard some of News of the World and The Game, growing up.
To me, Freddie Mercury’s death was a greater loss to music. This is not to diminish Kurt Cobain in any way. Kurt’s impact was in the writing. Freddie’s was more overall based on his vocals and delivery. Mercury had such a stage presence and musicality. His looks were, in a way, unconventional, much like Cobain’s. And even though, they were vastly different in their styles and contributions, their influential paths were following the same direction.
Possessing over a four-octave vocal range and writing such iconic songs as “Bohemian Rhapsody”, “Somebody To Love”, “Killer Queen” and “We are the Champions”, Mercury brought a style of rock that had not been present in the 70s. There was a showmanship to his stage presence, flamboyant costumes, but those chops were unmistakable as Brian May’s Red Special guitar sound. They played operatic tunes, mixed with straight rock. They pulled influences from ragtime and blues. They had some disco and even gospel touches to their songs. Queen became a stadium rock staple culminating in one of the most memorable performances at Wembley Stadium’s Live Aid concert in 1985.
I still listen to Queen in my music shuffling. I assembled my own greatest hits compilation and from time to time, I’ll cue it up. It even includes Flash’s Theme. But I was reminded of how Mercury sounded and how much those vocals sent shivers down my spine when I saw a video of a Canadian Christian Rock singer band covering “Somebody to Love”.
Marc Martel has a bit of a resemblance to Freddie Mercury but his vocals are sometimes so close to Mercury’s that I had to really watch and see if this was lip synching or really his voice. The main video of him singing, “Somebody to Love” could have been synced. It could have been faked. Just looking at t, who knows? However, digging deeper, I found a live video of him singing “Bohemian Rhapsody” with a church group. Amazing.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Top Ten Puberty Inducing Moments From the Last 50 years
In the last 50 years, the sexual revolution has exploded in our faces. Thanks to the loosening of morals and the tightening of material around certain areas, young boys have launched into puberty at various instances because of pop culture.
Back when I was a kid in the 80s, stolen HBO and the mere hint of female flesh in a music video were enough to blast our hormones into orbit like the Apollo rocket in the MTV commercial. In the 90s, who could forget “Jiggle TV”?
With that in mind, I give you the 10 best puberty kickoff moments of the last 50 years. Granted, some of the items on this list weren’t exactly for the eyes of those in the demographic, however, just like the Internet today, there was access to the material in those days. All that was needed was access to HBO and a night away from the parents. Sleepovers provided the ability to do these things.
Warning: This post contains juvenile humor.
10.2. Britney Spears – VMA awards barely there body stocking – 2000
Tie for tenth place. If Britney's first act was appearing as a Catholic School Girl In Trouble in her video for "Hit Me Baby", her second act was the blood pumping strip tease during the 2000 VMAs.
10.1. Katy Perry – Whip Cream Bra Cannon in “California Gurls” music video – 2010
Tie for tenth place. She ruined Candy Land for Kindergartners but straightened out a few candy canes for some up and coming teen boys in 2010. Katy Perry turned her boobs into whip cream and firework cannons after kissing a girl. If sex sells, she was cornering the market with ample amounts of tease.
9. Catherine Bach –Daisy Duke wearing Daisy from Dukes of Hazzard – 1979
They weren't called Bo Dukes, after all. Many a boy jumped a bridge and yelled 'Yee Haaaa' after seeing Catherine Bach in the too short shorts on Friday nights at the end of the 70s.
8. Kelly LeBrock – first entrance from Weird Science – 1985
"What would you little maniacs like to do first?" asked Lisa in the John Hughes classic. Um, shower with you of course.
7. Tawny Kitaen – Ghost riding the hood of a car in the “Here I Go Again” music video – 1987
Never before did preteen boys want to be a car hood than when Tawny slithered and writhed in time to the re-release of Whitesnake's most famous hit.
6. Pamela Anderson – Slo-Mo runs from Baywatch – 1992
I remember the Baywatch before Boobwatch. Back when Parker Stevenson was on and it was the original pilot entitled, "Panic At Malibu Pier". But nobody liked it, so it got retooled with a former Tool Time girl running in slow motion towards 'supposedly' drowning males. She got the swimmers swimming for those boys just discovering the floatation devices in the early 90s.
5. Farrah Fawcett – Famous Poster – 1976
One of the most famous pin up posters to push the envelope with perky.... um yeah. Sadly we lost Farrah to cancer. But we'll always have this on our ceiling, above our bed, as a shrine to the 70s.
4. Raquel Welch – Fur Bikini from One Million Years B.C. – 1967
Fur Bikini and dinosaurs. Two things that go hand in hand, right? And.... how about a cat fight between two beautiful cave girls. Can you say Pubertosaurus Rex? It's no wonder Andy Dufresne used her to cover his jail break.
3. Ursula Andress – Dr. No Bikini beach entrance – 1962
The original Bond girl who came strolling out of the surf in the white bikini and some wonderful conch shells! She made James' martini shake as 60s era preteens stirred in their seats upon seeing the Swiss Miss, dubbed by go to Bond voice over actress Nikki van der Zyl.
2. Carrie Fisher – Princess Leia in a Gold Bikini from Return of the Jedi – 1983
We all wanted to use the force or at least swing our lightsabers after seeing the demure but sassy Leia Organa forced into servitude and a gold metal bikini on Jabba's barge in the final chapter of the original Star Wars trilogy. It's almost too Freudian to imagine her fighting with the almost phallic looking Jabba the Hutt on the deck. And to that end, she choked the Hutt while fanboys nearly choked their chicken. Ross Gellar approves.
1. Phoebe Cates – Pool exit scene from Fast Times at Ridgemont High – 1982
It had to be Linda Barret. It just had to be, right? One of my earliest memories of my parents stealing HBO was a grainy, "chh chh chh chh" sounding Phoebe Cates, strolling out of the pool in this scene from the 80s classic. Looking back, it seems so odd to glorify movies that portrayed high school teenage characters taking their clothes off on screen. Another would be Caroline Mulford in Sixteen Candles. But you have to remember that Cates was 19 when she did the bikini burst and Haviland Morris was 25 when she hit the tympani bounce note in the school shower from the John Hughes movie. Still, as far as puberty inducing moments, this takes the taco. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need some alone time with side one of Led Zeppelin IV.
Sorry, I couldn't post the real clip. I do try to keep this PG-13, at most.
Honorable Mention:
Marilyn Monroe – “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” – 1962
Now, what list of sex symbols and sultriness would be complete without the original, one and only, Marilyn Monroe? So, she gets an honorable mention for providing enough of a provocative performance to the POTUS. Fully clothed, she still gave boys a Cuban Missile Crisis in their pants.
Back when I was a kid in the 80s, stolen HBO and the mere hint of female flesh in a music video were enough to blast our hormones into orbit like the Apollo rocket in the MTV commercial. In the 90s, who could forget “Jiggle TV”?
With that in mind, I give you the 10 best puberty kickoff moments of the last 50 years. Granted, some of the items on this list weren’t exactly for the eyes of those in the demographic, however, just like the Internet today, there was access to the material in those days. All that was needed was access to HBO and a night away from the parents. Sleepovers provided the ability to do these things.
Warning: This post contains juvenile humor.
10.2. Britney Spears – VMA awards barely there body stocking – 2000
Tie for tenth place. If Britney's first act was appearing as a Catholic School Girl In Trouble in her video for "Hit Me Baby", her second act was the blood pumping strip tease during the 2000 VMAs.
10.1. Katy Perry – Whip Cream Bra Cannon in “California Gurls” music video – 2010
Tie for tenth place. She ruined Candy Land for Kindergartners but straightened out a few candy canes for some up and coming teen boys in 2010. Katy Perry turned her boobs into whip cream and firework cannons after kissing a girl. If sex sells, she was cornering the market with ample amounts of tease.
9. Catherine Bach –Daisy Duke wearing Daisy from Dukes of Hazzard – 1979
They weren't called Bo Dukes, after all. Many a boy jumped a bridge and yelled 'Yee Haaaa' after seeing Catherine Bach in the too short shorts on Friday nights at the end of the 70s.
8. Kelly LeBrock – first entrance from Weird Science – 1985
"What would you little maniacs like to do first?" asked Lisa in the John Hughes classic. Um, shower with you of course.
7. Tawny Kitaen – Ghost riding the hood of a car in the “Here I Go Again” music video – 1987
Never before did preteen boys want to be a car hood than when Tawny slithered and writhed in time to the re-release of Whitesnake's most famous hit.
6. Pamela Anderson – Slo-Mo runs from Baywatch – 1992
I remember the Baywatch before Boobwatch. Back when Parker Stevenson was on and it was the original pilot entitled, "Panic At Malibu Pier". But nobody liked it, so it got retooled with a former Tool Time girl running in slow motion towards 'supposedly' drowning males. She got the swimmers swimming for those boys just discovering the floatation devices in the early 90s.
5. Farrah Fawcett – Famous Poster – 1976
One of the most famous pin up posters to push the envelope with perky.... um yeah. Sadly we lost Farrah to cancer. But we'll always have this on our ceiling, above our bed, as a shrine to the 70s.
4. Raquel Welch – Fur Bikini from One Million Years B.C. – 1967
Fur Bikini and dinosaurs. Two things that go hand in hand, right? And.... how about a cat fight between two beautiful cave girls. Can you say Pubertosaurus Rex? It's no wonder Andy Dufresne used her to cover his jail break.
3. Ursula Andress – Dr. No Bikini beach entrance – 1962
The original Bond girl who came strolling out of the surf in the white bikini and some wonderful conch shells! She made James' martini shake as 60s era preteens stirred in their seats upon seeing the Swiss Miss, dubbed by go to Bond voice over actress Nikki van der Zyl.
2. Carrie Fisher – Princess Leia in a Gold Bikini from Return of the Jedi – 1983
We all wanted to use the force or at least swing our lightsabers after seeing the demure but sassy Leia Organa forced into servitude and a gold metal bikini on Jabba's barge in the final chapter of the original Star Wars trilogy. It's almost too Freudian to imagine her fighting with the almost phallic looking Jabba the Hutt on the deck. And to that end, she choked the Hutt while fanboys nearly choked their chicken. Ross Gellar approves.
1. Phoebe Cates – Pool exit scene from Fast Times at Ridgemont High – 1982
It had to be Linda Barret. It just had to be, right? One of my earliest memories of my parents stealing HBO was a grainy, "chh chh chh chh" sounding Phoebe Cates, strolling out of the pool in this scene from the 80s classic. Looking back, it seems so odd to glorify movies that portrayed high school teenage characters taking their clothes off on screen. Another would be Caroline Mulford in Sixteen Candles. But you have to remember that Cates was 19 when she did the bikini burst and Haviland Morris was 25 when she hit the tympani bounce note in the school shower from the John Hughes movie. Still, as far as puberty inducing moments, this takes the taco. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need some alone time with side one of Led Zeppelin IV.
Sorry, I couldn't post the real clip. I do try to keep this PG-13, at most.
Honorable Mention:
Marilyn Monroe – “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” – 1962
Now, what list of sex symbols and sultriness would be complete without the original, one and only, Marilyn Monroe? So, she gets an honorable mention for providing enough of a provocative performance to the POTUS. Fully clothed, she still gave boys a Cuban Missile Crisis in their pants.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
WUMF: August Edition
Late entry this month in the WUMF column. Unfortunately, I’ve been really busy with… actual work and it’s cut into my ability to tend to the side business. Anyway, enough excuses, here’s what’s been happening.
The Pirates
OK, I admit it. I got temporarily sucked back in by them this year. I was almost ready to board the bandwagon. Hell, I even designed t-shirts in tribute to them. Then, they went back to smacking me around after a hard day of drinking. And here I sit, dejected that I fell for it, almost.
Frankly, when they said in the beginning of the year that, in order for them to spend more money on the team, the fans would have to help by raising attendance, I scoffed. How dare they expect us to be the catalyst for this team’s rebirth. Then, a funny thing happened. They started playing better. All of a sudden, attendance increased. So, the fans did their part. Would the Pirates do theirs? They went out and signed two players ahead of the trade deadline. Um… yeah, that’s not exactly who we figured you’d go out and buy. Two guys who end up banged up or just a bust to start. Still, the bullpen held it together and the wins were coming. We were in first place. We were contenders. That was July.
Now, we are heading into September with a dismal percentage, out of the running for the division and slim hopes of breaking .500 for the season at this pace. What happened? We either suck the entire season or do really well for the first half.
Let me put this way. Back in my early days of Junior High, seventh grade to be exact, I joined the track team. Shocked? I am. I threw discus and shot put, not very well, mind you. Occasionally, they had what was called a hog race. That’s when the bigger guys on the team do a relay or run a 220 or 440 yard dash. Now, I will contest that even though I wasn’t the most physically fit, I could sprint pretty well. By pitting me against other guys in my body type, for short distances, I was pretty sure I could take them. I got into a 220 yard dash against other shot putters and discus throwers and felt pretty confident. The gun went off and so did I. I was way out ahead by the first turn. I had an even more commanding lead by the straightaway. At the 220 mark I was a clear winner. I was also in a 440 yard dash and didn’t know it. I stopped dead, thinking I was done while everyone kept running. By then it was too late and I was dead tired. I limped into the finish in last place. I WAS the 2011 Pittsburgh Pirates.
The only thing that would have made matters worse would have been if I were to come out at the next match and said, I am going to bet the school on every event I’m in and I just signed up for the mile run. That’s what the Pirates are doing by raising ticket prices. They blew their wad too early and now they are risking all credibility by saying, “Hey look what we accomplished doing it our way. Now, we’re going to charge you more to be half good.” Don’t be surprised if Andrew McCutchen starts to look away from Pittsburgh as the post season goes on without them. They haven’t thrown the money at him that he deserves, yet.
S#!t My Kid Says
I’ve long said that my kid is the funniest little shit on the planet. Even when it’s inappropriate she makes me laugh. Of course, I am the king of inappropriate.
Due to a scheduling snafu, she had to stay at my parents’ house overnight last week. On the way there, we gave her the usual rundown of rules. Be good. Eat the food she gives you. Go to bed when it’s time. Etc. We also threw in one special request. Don’t swear.
She’s four.
I know. It’s my fault. I let her watch things she shouldn’t and out of all the things she could pick up or imitate from a movie or show, she has to pick the swear words out. And it’s not that my parents are prudes. No way. I didn’t end up like I am because of society. I ended up like this because my Dad let us kids watch Monty Python and Benny Hill when I was my kid’s age. I saw Die Hard in the theater, when I was 12, but I already knew John McClane’s catchphrase prior to that.
So, there we were telling my kid not to say bad words in front of Grammie and she says, “Even asshole?”
Funny kid.
2011 VMAs
I have gone on, at length, about how I hate MTV, now. I can’t understand how they can hold an award show that rewards videos when they don’t even play them on their own network, anymore. The VMAs haven’t been the show they were since the late 80s and early 90s. I didn’t even watch it but saw clips and read about it which is more time that I would have wanted to devote to the subject. My thoughts are this…
That’s it. I’m out.
The Pirates
OK, I admit it. I got temporarily sucked back in by them this year. I was almost ready to board the bandwagon. Hell, I even designed t-shirts in tribute to them. Then, they went back to smacking me around after a hard day of drinking. And here I sit, dejected that I fell for it, almost.
Frankly, when they said in the beginning of the year that, in order for them to spend more money on the team, the fans would have to help by raising attendance, I scoffed. How dare they expect us to be the catalyst for this team’s rebirth. Then, a funny thing happened. They started playing better. All of a sudden, attendance increased. So, the fans did their part. Would the Pirates do theirs? They went out and signed two players ahead of the trade deadline. Um… yeah, that’s not exactly who we figured you’d go out and buy. Two guys who end up banged up or just a bust to start. Still, the bullpen held it together and the wins were coming. We were in first place. We were contenders. That was July.
Now, we are heading into September with a dismal percentage, out of the running for the division and slim hopes of breaking .500 for the season at this pace. What happened? We either suck the entire season or do really well for the first half.
Let me put this way. Back in my early days of Junior High, seventh grade to be exact, I joined the track team. Shocked? I am. I threw discus and shot put, not very well, mind you. Occasionally, they had what was called a hog race. That’s when the bigger guys on the team do a relay or run a 220 or 440 yard dash. Now, I will contest that even though I wasn’t the most physically fit, I could sprint pretty well. By pitting me against other guys in my body type, for short distances, I was pretty sure I could take them. I got into a 220 yard dash against other shot putters and discus throwers and felt pretty confident. The gun went off and so did I. I was way out ahead by the first turn. I had an even more commanding lead by the straightaway. At the 220 mark I was a clear winner. I was also in a 440 yard dash and didn’t know it. I stopped dead, thinking I was done while everyone kept running. By then it was too late and I was dead tired. I limped into the finish in last place. I WAS the 2011 Pittsburgh Pirates.
The only thing that would have made matters worse would have been if I were to come out at the next match and said, I am going to bet the school on every event I’m in and I just signed up for the mile run. That’s what the Pirates are doing by raising ticket prices. They blew their wad too early and now they are risking all credibility by saying, “Hey look what we accomplished doing it our way. Now, we’re going to charge you more to be half good.” Don’t be surprised if Andrew McCutchen starts to look away from Pittsburgh as the post season goes on without them. They haven’t thrown the money at him that he deserves, yet.
S#!t My Kid Says
I’ve long said that my kid is the funniest little shit on the planet. Even when it’s inappropriate she makes me laugh. Of course, I am the king of inappropriate.
Due to a scheduling snafu, she had to stay at my parents’ house overnight last week. On the way there, we gave her the usual rundown of rules. Be good. Eat the food she gives you. Go to bed when it’s time. Etc. We also threw in one special request. Don’t swear.
She’s four.
I know. It’s my fault. I let her watch things she shouldn’t and out of all the things she could pick up or imitate from a movie or show, she has to pick the swear words out. And it’s not that my parents are prudes. No way. I didn’t end up like I am because of society. I ended up like this because my Dad let us kids watch Monty Python and Benny Hill when I was my kid’s age. I saw Die Hard in the theater, when I was 12, but I already knew John McClane’s catchphrase prior to that.
So, there we were telling my kid not to say bad words in front of Grammie and she says, “Even asshole?”
Funny kid.
I have gone on, at length, about how I hate MTV, now. I can’t understand how they can hold an award show that rewards videos when they don’t even play them on their own network, anymore. The VMAs haven’t been the show they were since the late 80s and early 90s. I didn’t even watch it but saw clips and read about it which is more time that I would have wanted to devote to the subject. My thoughts are this…
- Why do we continue to honor or applaud Chris Brown? Props to Jay-Z for not standing.
- Why does Lady Gaga look like a cross between Ralph Macchio from The Outsiders and Billy Joe Armstrong?
- Why are we shocked and why do we care that she went drag? She wore a suit of meat before.
- Why is Justin Bieber allowed to drive a Black Ferrari? And, how's the car doing? Will he get sued a year later?
- Why is Britney Spears getting the lifetime achievement award when she’s not been around that long?Look at the list of recipients? Granted, Madonna was named in 86 but her achievements far outshone Britney’s in the span of time before she received it.
- Is Beyonce pregnant? (That was a joke)
Monday, August 8, 2011
I Want My 80s TV Back
Recently, VH1 Classic ran the first hour of MTV’s original broadcast for the 30th anniversary. Funny. Don’t you think MTV would want to celebrate their own milestone by rebroadcasting their first on air moments? Oh, that’s right. That would involve MTV actually playing music videos which they have said they don’t do anymore.
In fact, they even changed the logo, albeit they simply cropped the words MUSIC TELEVISION with the aid of something as simple as MS Paint. And how does last year’s decision bode for having the VMAs? Sort of like tits on a bull to show a Video Music Award show on a station that no longer shows music videos.
But this is nothing new, MTV… er, TV has been reduced to scripted reality shows for the last fifteen years. Such a far fall from television that used to premiere groundbreaking shows like 120 Minutes, Head Banger’s Ball, Unplugged, Liquid Television, and the self deprecating Beavis and Butthead which made fun of the same videos MTV played, and some it didn’t. In fact, MTV created its own demise with the debut of The Real World. How could we have known that one of the biggest trail blazers would be consumed by its own flame?
So, it shouldn’t be a surprise that MTV’s biggest competitor in terms of playing videos should get the spoils of playing its progenitor’s old home movies. After all, both networks are owned by Viacom.
Now, I was a wee Mongo, only six years old, when MTV first aired on August 1st, 1981. I never saw it. We didn’t have cable or that many channels in those days, except for stealing HBO. It wasn’t until MTV came to Armstrong Cable (South Western PA) that I got to watch and by then, MTV was huge. So, it was kind of like seeing it for the first time when it re-aired this past August 1st.
My initial thoughts were “What a waste of 10 minutes?” The first thing you see is the build up to the launch of Space Shuttle Columbia, which goes on forever. Finally, the shuttle launches and the screen transitions to the launch of Apollo 11, ending with Neil Armstrong’s walk on the moon and the flag, emblazoned with the original MTV logo pronouncing that Rock and Roll television has arrived.
What a missed opportunity, in my opinion. For anyone not knowing what was to come, they might have switched off the television, thinking this was a joke or just a rebroadcast of the shuttle launch from four months earlier. In fact, I was thinking this was such a shame because it was the first hour of such a landmark event, and fifteen minutes of it was wasted on actual footage of a space launch from mission control and the launch pad. I DVR’ed the show because I had to be at work in less than six hours. I wasn’t about to stay up and watch what was possibly the first three hours because I didn’t know it was perhaps part one of three.
But there it was, the first breath ever in this world. From there, The Buggles and Pat Benatar carved the path for the fresh new faces of VJs to come on and take us by the hand into a brave new world. Mark Goodman, the first VJ we see, introduces himself along with Nina Blackwood, the late J.J. Jackson, Alan Hunter, and Martha Quinn, who still looks 21, today, ensuring us that this new experiment will change the world. And it did.
Sadly, we see this broadcast, on a sister station at a time when most kids don’t know that MTV actually play videos. Before YouTube or OnDemand, there was actually a network that played 24 hours of music videos. It’s like watching the early days of Elvis or Michael Jackson when all people today really see is them at their death, a shadow of what they used to be like in their prime. It’s almost a sad joke or a lie. It’s Toto pulling back the curtain to see that the Wizard is merely a humbug.
And, truthfully, do we really have music today that needs videos? The real pioneers and trailblazers are hard to find in the sea of crap. Maybe the 80s were like that as well. For every Peter Gabriel, Herbie Hancock, Madonna and Michael Jackson moments of genius, there were plenty of Gerardo, Right Said Fred and yes Michael Jackson moments to drown them out.
And even, even, Leonard Nimoy.
In fact, they even changed the logo, albeit they simply cropped the words MUSIC TELEVISION with the aid of something as simple as MS Paint. And how does last year’s decision bode for having the VMAs? Sort of like tits on a bull to show a Video Music Award show on a station that no longer shows music videos.
But this is nothing new, MTV… er, TV has been reduced to scripted reality shows for the last fifteen years. Such a far fall from television that used to premiere groundbreaking shows like 120 Minutes, Head Banger’s Ball, Unplugged, Liquid Television, and the self deprecating Beavis and Butthead which made fun of the same videos MTV played, and some it didn’t. In fact, MTV created its own demise with the debut of The Real World. How could we have known that one of the biggest trail blazers would be consumed by its own flame?
So, it shouldn’t be a surprise that MTV’s biggest competitor in terms of playing videos should get the spoils of playing its progenitor’s old home movies. After all, both networks are owned by Viacom.
Now, I was a wee Mongo, only six years old, when MTV first aired on August 1st, 1981. I never saw it. We didn’t have cable or that many channels in those days, except for stealing HBO. It wasn’t until MTV came to Armstrong Cable (South Western PA) that I got to watch and by then, MTV was huge. So, it was kind of like seeing it for the first time when it re-aired this past August 1st.
My initial thoughts were “What a waste of 10 minutes?” The first thing you see is the build up to the launch of Space Shuttle Columbia, which goes on forever. Finally, the shuttle launches and the screen transitions to the launch of Apollo 11, ending with Neil Armstrong’s walk on the moon and the flag, emblazoned with the original MTV logo pronouncing that Rock and Roll television has arrived.
What a missed opportunity, in my opinion. For anyone not knowing what was to come, they might have switched off the television, thinking this was a joke or just a rebroadcast of the shuttle launch from four months earlier. In fact, I was thinking this was such a shame because it was the first hour of such a landmark event, and fifteen minutes of it was wasted on actual footage of a space launch from mission control and the launch pad. I DVR’ed the show because I had to be at work in less than six hours. I wasn’t about to stay up and watch what was possibly the first three hours because I didn’t know it was perhaps part one of three.
But there it was, the first breath ever in this world. From there, The Buggles and Pat Benatar carved the path for the fresh new faces of VJs to come on and take us by the hand into a brave new world. Mark Goodman, the first VJ we see, introduces himself along with Nina Blackwood, the late J.J. Jackson, Alan Hunter, and Martha Quinn, who still looks 21, today, ensuring us that this new experiment will change the world. And it did.
Sadly, we see this broadcast, on a sister station at a time when most kids don’t know that MTV actually play videos. Before YouTube or OnDemand, there was actually a network that played 24 hours of music videos. It’s like watching the early days of Elvis or Michael Jackson when all people today really see is them at their death, a shadow of what they used to be like in their prime. It’s almost a sad joke or a lie. It’s Toto pulling back the curtain to see that the Wizard is merely a humbug.
And, truthfully, do we really have music today that needs videos? The real pioneers and trailblazers are hard to find in the sea of crap. Maybe the 80s were like that as well. For every Peter Gabriel, Herbie Hancock, Madonna and Michael Jackson moments of genius, there were plenty of Gerardo, Right Said Fred and yes Michael Jackson moments to drown them out.
And even, even, Leonard Nimoy.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
2010 D-Bag Awards Round Five: Company D-Bags
After the shock and awe wore off from the Wall Street bailouts and general lack of ethics among big corporations, 2010 was still able to produce some great d-bag moments in the corporate sector. Here's our nominations for the Big Business D-Bags.
Dell
The once proud computer manufacturer/retailer got hit with the corporate stick this year as they connived to keep hush about knowing that 11.8 million PCs were defective. That's the problem with getting to be a big guy, you have to stay there and sometimes you beg, borrow, or steal to do it.
Comcast
Being named Consumerist's Worst Company In America last year didn't stop Comcast from being total d-bags. Personally, I have to use them in some form because FIOS is not in my area. Secondly, Comcast thought it knew best when it came to failed connections to websites. It automatically replaced my standard "Page cannot be displayed" screen with suggestions of websites I might want to go to. Instead of opting into that service, I had to take multiple hours to keep it from happening. Then it came back, automatically, and had to be manually stopped a second time. But that's besides the point. Comcast is hell bent on becoming the big brother of television by buying up NBC, and it seems no one, not even Al Franken, can stop this disaster waiting to happen.
MTV
I don't know why MTV continues to call itself MTV. This year, the once great music television channel that gave us music videos, Liquid Television, the late Ken Ober's basement, Kari Wuhrer in a tube top, 120 minutes, Headbanger's Ball, Beavis and Butthead, YO MTV Raps, and a host of other great music related programs decided to drop the word Music from their moniker. Actually, they decided to stop lying about playing music videos. Unless you were able to correctly decipher the schedule and make time between the minutes of 3:40AM and 4:20AM you probably haven't seen a music video for years. Instead, MTV has decided to focus its energy on more reality based programming. I guess you could blame The Real World for all this since it kind of started the genre. Personally, I blame Adam Curry.
The TSA
Since 9/11, air travel security has been on the cornerstones of the new world order of Homeland Security. But, as 2010 rolled into high gear, the level of privacy violations have gone to plaid via ludicrous speed. The back scatter scanners may or may not cause cancer but more importantly they tell everyone what your wearing, or what you are... packing underneath your Calvin's. The images are not detailed enough to perhaps titillate, unless you like the kink of a Marilyn Manson video or Silent Hill video game but the fact that the images got saved. They shouldn't be, in any case, saved. If you aren't into being x-rayed, then you could get the pat-down from the cold, chapped fist of justice. People feel violated and the proof that these methods of protection from terrorists are not confirmed. Basically, you are letting the TSA get to second base. Can we say, "Bad touch."
And the winner...
BP
This one was a no-brainer, in fact I don't even have to say anything about it. Everyone knows what BP did and what they failed to do so no use in beating a dead, oil covered, horse. The best part about all of this was that it took Kevin Costner to come up with a plan to solve the issue. Take that, Waterworld grosses.WTG, BP!
Dell
The once proud computer manufacturer/retailer got hit with the corporate stick this year as they connived to keep hush about knowing that 11.8 million PCs were defective. That's the problem with getting to be a big guy, you have to stay there and sometimes you beg, borrow, or steal to do it.
Comcast
Being named Consumerist's Worst Company In America last year didn't stop Comcast from being total d-bags. Personally, I have to use them in some form because FIOS is not in my area. Secondly, Comcast thought it knew best when it came to failed connections to websites. It automatically replaced my standard "Page cannot be displayed" screen with suggestions of websites I might want to go to. Instead of opting into that service, I had to take multiple hours to keep it from happening. Then it came back, automatically, and had to be manually stopped a second time. But that's besides the point. Comcast is hell bent on becoming the big brother of television by buying up NBC, and it seems no one, not even Al Franken, can stop this disaster waiting to happen.
MTV
I don't know why MTV continues to call itself MTV. This year, the once great music television channel that gave us music videos, Liquid Television, the late Ken Ober's basement, Kari Wuhrer in a tube top, 120 minutes, Headbanger's Ball, Beavis and Butthead, YO MTV Raps, and a host of other great music related programs decided to drop the word Music from their moniker. Actually, they decided to stop lying about playing music videos. Unless you were able to correctly decipher the schedule and make time between the minutes of 3:40AM and 4:20AM you probably haven't seen a music video for years. Instead, MTV has decided to focus its energy on more reality based programming. I guess you could blame The Real World for all this since it kind of started the genre. Personally, I blame Adam Curry.
The TSA
Since 9/11, air travel security has been on the cornerstones of the new world order of Homeland Security. But, as 2010 rolled into high gear, the level of privacy violations have gone to plaid via ludicrous speed. The back scatter scanners may or may not cause cancer but more importantly they tell everyone what your wearing, or what you are... packing underneath your Calvin's. The images are not detailed enough to perhaps titillate, unless you like the kink of a Marilyn Manson video or Silent Hill video game but the fact that the images got saved. They shouldn't be, in any case, saved. If you aren't into being x-rayed, then you could get the pat-down from the cold, chapped fist of justice. People feel violated and the proof that these methods of protection from terrorists are not confirmed. Basically, you are letting the TSA get to second base. Can we say, "Bad touch."
And the winner...
BP
This one was a no-brainer, in fact I don't even have to say anything about it. Everyone knows what BP did and what they failed to do so no use in beating a dead, oil covered, horse. The best part about all of this was that it took Kevin Costner to come up with a plan to solve the issue. Take that, Waterworld grosses.WTG, BP!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
TWC Becomes MTV
On August 1st, 1981 television and music was changed forever. MTV debuted with The Buggles, Video Killed the Radio Star. That’s probably one of the most well known answers to a trivia question if not the most overly asked. You might as well say, “Who’s buried in Grant’s Tomb?” Since the dawn of music television network, viewers and musicians made the declaration “I Want My MTV!” Soon, they got their wish and soon after, that wish was destroyed.
Not wanting to sit on their laurels and wait for someone to move the cheese, MTV branched out into more original programming by adding shows to their schedule. One of which was a game show for the collegiate crowd called Remote Control, which as I write this I am just finding out that the host, Ken Ober has died at age 52. Remote Control was a pop culture trivia game show with a quirky sense of humor that featured a few now familiar faces in their pre-celebrity-due-paying years. Adam Sandler showed off his goofy pre SNL characters like The Stud Boy. Colin Quinn, also pre SNL was the sidekick and announcer and Kari Wurher was the Vanna White in Ken’s Mom’s basement.
Also, who could forget Downtown Julie Brown, wubba wubba, wubba, as the host of Club MTV? The dance show was styled after American Bandstand set to the hottest music of the moment. Often, a pubescent male viewer would hope for just the right shot from the sky cam or floor cam to show a glint of forbidden skin on the female dancers or at least I did, at that age.
And long before Jeff Probst held tribal councils, roommates were kicking each other out of the house on one of the first successful reality shows, The Real World. Forget Richard Hatch and Jeri Manthey, who could forget Puck and Eric Nies?
But somewhere around the new millennium, MTV started to develop more and more reality and other crap shows and played less and less music videos and great shows like 120 Minutes and Headbanger's Ball. By the year 2000 there was up to eight hours of music videos being played on the network whereas by 2008, an average of three hours of music videos were being shown, yet each year they showcased the best of the best with the Video Music Awards. You have to wonder if, somewhere, Adam Curry is chomping on his gums, muttering "Damn Kids" while adjusting his long blonde 80's hair toupee to keep the liver spots covered on his forehead?
The reason I bring all of this up is that MTV was a niche network, much like its sister channel VH1. However, they stopped being what they originally were and became something else. The trend isn’t lost on other networks. For instance, The Weather Channel (guess what they show) has always been a niche network.
I remember the early days where you really couldn’t do much more than give the forecast and the current conditions. And to that end, how much can the weather really change in the course of an hour? But still, over time, TWC began to expand its horizons and offer other programming like Storm Stories and Weather Center. But regardless of what the evening block held for prime time, you could always count on Local on the 8's. Sometimes, intentions aside, TWC can be the butt of jokes, as a sort of NPR of television almost taking itself too seriously.
I used to make such jokes at the expense of my wife who loved watching The Weather Channel. I would ask how she could be so addicted to a channel that pretty much repeats itself every ten minutes? Then I began watching like a weather zombie. Must see extended forecast. Every eight minutes we would be tuned in waiting for the trippy music as if we were watching a Joy of Painting marathon with the soporific tones of light jazz playing in the background. Although, I did get a kick out of hearing "Classical Gas" accompanying the Doppler Radar. When we would go on vacation you could tell how our week was going to go based on the availability and ease of locating The Weather Channel on the hotel room television. Sometimes we’d spend more time watching the weather on television instead of enjoying it up close and personal.
It would get so bad that we would become such idiots as to say, “What’s up with Jim Cantore’s hair? Is he going bald or just thinking that it’s a good look, regardless?” or “Mish Michaels is pretty sexy but that outfit isn’t good for her.” My personal favorite was Paul Kocin. My wife would always know when Winter was in full force because the Extreme Weather correspondent, Paul, was showing up in the rotation or meteorologists.
But like MTV, The Weather Channel kind of jumped the shark and started playing movies with a weather themed plot. The first one was The Perfect Storm. Now, you could not be more appropriate than kicking off your new direction with this film that is based in meteorological reality. However, one has to wonder how they are going to keep finding good movies to show which will keep in line with the topic of weather. Already announced are Twister (tornadoes), understandable, and March of the Penguins (snow), um OK. Then it kind of breaks down into a ridiculous mess with Deep Blue Sea and Misery. Misery has little to do with Snow as say maybe Avalanche does and Deep Blue Sea is not so much about tropical storms as it is psychopathic killer sharks eating Samuel Jackson and sparing L.L. Cool J. While I can see perhaps lining up Hard Rain for floods and even The River would be a good choice, I just hope they don’t decide to choose The Day After Tomorrow for a sense of reality surrounding global climate change. Of course, they probably will, though. In that case you might as well get ready for The Core to be shown as well.
To this end, I can see other niche networks deciding to play more movies that are themed in their offering. Perhaps HGTV will show The Money Pit or Mouse Hunt. G4 could actually get back to showing video game related content and put the Fred Savage classic, The Wizard on or even the technology reality based Hackers, because everyone knows that the hardest thing to hack is a Gibson. How about The Food Network showing Simply Irresistible or at least Ratatouille? That would be good. In a couple of years they could show Julie and Julia, although I would refrain from getting the rights to Titus based on Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus, although one should really know what temperature you need to have your oven on in order to properly cook your enemies into a pie.
All kidding aside, I miss the good old days when television was a landscape of 57 channels and nothin’ on instead of today’s format of 900 channels and all the same thing is on. I yearn to escape the doldrums of regular broadcast television’s lame ass programming for a little bit of jazz and current conditions and possibly even a music video once in awhile, but alas, I find myself mired in Another Shot At Hepatitis C With Skanky Ho or Washed Up Music Artist or watching Batman and Robin because the character of Mr. Freeze represents the real possibility of global cooling. Where’s the remote? Let's see if the test pattern is still around.
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