Paved With Good Inventions

As we continue to hurl ourselves into Idiocracy territory, I thought about the last 20 years of my life.  After all, my 20^th reunion is this fall.  Good time to reflect.  Look back on my adult life.  Cry in the corner a bit.

What I discovered is that for all the technological innovation we’ve seen in the last two decades, we’ve become incredibly stupid and selfish.  If I could go back in time and change one thing, I might actually make the ultimate sacrifice.  I might try to prevent the invention of the Internet.

I know.

I KNOW.

What madness is this?  Why, on Earth would you un-invent the Internet?  Aren’t you writing a blog?  Aren’t you selling shirts, online?   Aren’t you trying, and failing, to produce YouTube videos?  Yeah, but that doesn’t change the truth.  And, before you start clutching your routers and barking madly, understand where I’m coming from on this.  It’s like Terminator 2.  No matter how hard they tried to keep Skynet from happening, it happened.  Granted, it happened in a bad way, a la Terminator 3, but it was inevitable.   Now, I don't want to keep the Internet from ever happening.   I only wish to delay the process until we are better equipped, mentally and emotionally, to handle it.

We were given fire by the Gods.  And we ended up torching the world.  We literally did not understand what we were given.    For awhile we just did silly things with the Internet.   Hell, we still do.  Cats playing keyboards, planking, Hadouken pics, Horse Head Mask videos.  But soon, it warped and became something different.   There was porn… so much porn.  Then there were cell phones and soon commercial WiFi.  iPods.  iPhones. 

Facebook, Instagram, Elvis Presley, Disneyland.

It spiraled out of control.   Slang (OMG, WTF,  ROTFLMAOBBQ)

We became addicted to technology.  Our lives revolved around little devices that did everything for us.   A phone replaced a pager, a camera, a gaming device, a laptop, watch, GPS, radio, Walkman, and tons of other devices.  It became the Swiss Army Lazy Man.   Texting gave way to sexting.   Polaroids gave way to selfies-in-a-bathroom-with-duck-face being Instagramed and put up on Facebook.  “Like, please!”  (read: I have no self esteem and need constant and instant approval to maintain my shell of an existence.)  Soon, there was cyber-bullying.   Hacking phones, emails, the need for 24/7 news that may or may not even be accurate spread like a wildfire.   We became unable to put the genie back into the bottle.

And, I don’t think we ever will.   Isn’t it odd that in the last 20 years we’ve invented things that bring us closer together, more so than ever before, yet put us farther apart in terms of actually connecting with people.  Used to be, if you wanted to reach someone, you had to catch them at home, by phone.   Now, you call their cell.  And, in a lot of cases, they want you to hang up and just text.    Also, isn’t it odd that in the last 20 years, so much technology has come about yet, what’s the last thing we cured?  Polio, I think.   We’ve created a generation of customers.

Our kids?  Our kids have become over-privileged and entitled. 

“Well, Johnny has an iPod and he’s seven.” 

“Well, Johnny is also a selfish brat that can’t wipe himself yet, but can send a text.  He probably still wets the bed.”

Nobody wants to work for anything.  And I don’t mean the 47% vs. the 1%.  I’m talking about EVERYONE.   Somewhere along the way, we lost our mission.   Our grandparents went to WWII.  They sacrificed a lot of things in order to keep the country running.   Now, we’re asked to give up something and suddenly,  since 9/11, our government is out to control or enslave us.  Take away our rights.  Funny.  Our grandparents sacrificed a lot in order to give their family a better life.   Our parents, well, at least mine, gave up a lot of stuff in order to make our lives better.   They scrimped and saved.  They went without new clothes or fancy appliances.  They made ends meet and did what they could to ensure that we never had to live like that, ever.   And somehow, we thought, “Oh, cool.  Great.  Thanks.”  And that was it.  We accepted their generous offer.  We watched as they worked hard and bled for us and we just took that better life and continued to not pay it forward, but instead we cheapened the thought.

We were given so much without having to ask for it and yet, when it came to our children, or the next generation born into the millennium, they didn’t understand what our parents did to provide, because we were the end result.  We didn’t continue the trend.   We didn’t have to work hard anymore.   Technology caught up and made it easier.   Hell, I am just as responsible.   I work in an office all day, but I also run a business where I don’t have to put a lot of effort into it and am rewarded, monetarily.   Granted, I wish I could work more on it.   I know the quality would benefit, but at the end of the day, I get emails saying , “Congrats on your sale” with no deserving of that praise.  The Internet has done the work for me.

We take to Facebook and instead of sharing our lives with each other, we share half assed researched and cited examples of hate against one group or another.   I can count on at least one hand how many friends I have on Facebook that never say a word, yet post CONTINUALLY their disdain for one group or another in this world.   And 9 times out of 10, they share from one subjective group that is not even factual all the time.  It’s just a funny picture, or what they claim to be funny, slamming another person/group/religion/etc.   They don’t say “Hi”, or “How are you” they say, “Here’s why you’re all wrong and I’m right” in graphic form.  And for all that friending and sharing that goes on, I believe we are more so divided than we ever were as a civilization.   Friends are not friends, they are an audience for our amusement and our agendas.  We don't connect, we try to redirect.

We do not deserve the Internet.    If aliens were to come here, looking for intelligent life, we’d be blown off the face of the galaxy like we were a plague. 

“For the love of Blurg!   Zyphos, we must eradicate this menace on Earth before it spreads and infects us.”  

“How do you know that, Lishu?” 

“I saw it on Reddit.   And Grimjor saw a post on Zarnbook that he shared from "I bet this Gorpcar can get more likes than Firtarp.”

100 Andelorians like this.  (Picture of a tentacle in a thumbs up position.)

So, yeah.  Let’s go back, blow the servers and tell the geeks of the 90s to keep working on it and we’ll work on being better humans, so that one day, we may be deserving of such an awesome power.    Should be ready, sometime before the next Mayan calendar runs out. 

Two Phone Lines to Take Care of One Cable Bill

Back in January, Comcast was nice enough to fry my DVR with their updates.  Then, they sent the tech out to the wrong house, leaving me without cable for a week.  That wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have a five year old that can’t understand the concept of “Shit happens in services”.

And the wonderful guy on the phone assured me they would credit my account for the loss of service.   So, each month I waited to see my bill reflect said savings.

This month, I saw a change to the usual $178 for Regular cable plus three Encore channels with LOTR on 24/7, Internet that sometimes works, and phone.    There was a $30 difference.   Except, it was in the wrong direction.

My new bill reflects improvements and expansions to the services I have, to the tune of $10 a month, with tons of extra movies OnDemand.  None of which anyone wants to watch.   Oh, look Beauty and the Beast…  Yeah, it’s a knock off cartoon that’s like 45 minutes.  Same with Aladdin, and The Little Mermaid.     And they’ve added $1.99 for each of the little crap boxes we were forced to use if we wanted to watch TV after everything went digital.    So, now my bill is $210.

So, I spent an hour on the phone with Customer service.    And I couldn’t even get them to reduce my bill.  That was just to explain my bill.  You see, in their Xfinite wisdom, Comcast decided that it would be better to have one line handle bill questions and one…. Totally different 800 number to reduce your bill.   Lein… yes that was his name… and he was American from what I could tell, told me that “With all the calls they received, they had to use a separate number.”    In other words, all of the angry customers that can’t stand this ComCrap they get for a ton of money,.

Look, I know NBC sucks.  Hell, even the guy they screwed everybody over for to keep on The Tonight Show hates them, now.  He can’t wait to be replaced.   But, does that really mean we all have to pay more for your crap?   I wish I could go to FIOS, even if it sucks just as much, if just to bargain for a lower bill… but guess what?   My borough or township won’t get it in anytime soon.   I wish I could go to something like DirectTv, once again it may be crap, too, but guess what?  I can’t put a dish on my house because of line of sight.     So, I can’t even choose which crap I want to watch, I am stuck with one version of crap. 

But when you have to have a separate phone line just for people who are fed up with the costs, what does that tell you?   It tells you, your business sucks and you are just making money hand over fist so, why should you change it?  Exactly.  If I could have a business and charge people an exorbitant amount of money for basic stuff and raise it continually over the years without really having to give them anything better than they already have and no one would leave because of the lack of choices,  it might be tempting.   Then again, I don’t have a business degree which tells me all I need to know about people in big business.   Satisfy the shareholders, screw the customers,  and dine on the souls of innocent children and lambs with gold plated utensils with a fat profit.  

Well, done.

Clever Girl

I’ve been trying to lose weight since Christmas.  28 pounds have come off since December and I notice the difference.  I haven’t done anything except eat better.   It’s not even that I have given up anything, I just don’t eat extra.  I’ve cut back on portions.  However, I may have hit that plateau where I need to step it up since I haven’t lost any weight in the last two weeks.

Naturally, the answer is exercise. 

If we can keep from being in a deep freeze out there, I’d like to get out and walk more.  My daughter always likes to go out and this is a good chance for us both to exercise and get some fresh air.   She’s more committed to the idea than I am, it seems.

Yesterday was a rather gloomy day, threatening with rain in the afternoon.  When I came home from work, she was being a bit rambunctious and wanted to go on our walk.   I was hesitant because the weather was not playing ball.  After insisting we go, I got tired of her getting herself into trouble otherwise and decided to just get outside with her to burn off some energy.

We started up the street and she wanted to go explore the neighborhood.  She doesn’t realize that, for as far away as you get from the house, you have that much ground to cover in getting back.   She wants to tackle the hills.  I want a nice easy walk and eventually work my way up to inclines.

“I want to go down the big hill.”  She says.

I reminded her, “Yeah, but then we have to come back up.” 

“Daddy, I have all this energy to burn off.  If we just go home, I will still have that energy.”

“So?”

“I’ll be bored.”

“That’s not my problem.”

“Daddy, if I’m bored, it will be your problem.”

We went down the big hill.

Now, on our way back to the house, I took it as an opportunity to help her do some reading.  She’s five and has to get this stuff nailed before first grade.  She managed to figure out “OAK” as in street, WATCH CHILDREN, and SPEED LIMIT. 

I saw one for a Fire Department Fish Fry and figured she would be able to decipher FIRE and FISH pretty easily.

She sounded out the F, the I, and the R and eventually came up with FIRE, but FISH was a little harder.

“Ffff – I…”

“Ok, now the next two letters are?”

“S and H”

“And together they make a sound like?”

“…”

“Sh sound.  They make a Sh sound.”

“Sh…  Does this say Shit?”

There endeth the lesson.

We Used To Eat the Food

Five years ago, I did a four part series on “Good vs. Evil:The Internet”.

In my four post rant, I evaluated how the Internet has affected us as human beings, the movies we see, and our inherent nature as charitable vs. greedy people.  The overall assessment was that the Internet was evil but it was child that we ignored and did not discipline to the point it became evil.

In five years time, my thoughts have not changed.    But, in those five years, we have gotten worse.  We are the problem. 

The iPhone debuted in 2007, three years after Facebook came about on the Harvard campus.  However, the Smart Phone revolution has become one of the biggest proponents of stupidity since social media was first introduced.

We’ve passed laws to keep people from texting while driving.

We’ve seen video of people texting and walking into fountains and poles.

We’ve seen stories of celebrities having their phones hacked and personal pictures displayed on the Internet.

We’ve seen stories of celebrities and politicians sending inappropriate texts to other people, usually not their spouse.

And yet, people still do all these things.

Oh, and they take pictures of their food.

We used to eat the food.  We didn’t take a picture, put snazzy filters on it, and post it to social media sites.  And to that point.  We’ve come a long way since we had to take a roll of film to PhotoHut and wait two weeks for it to be developed.  We’ve come a long way from taking a picture that was instantly developed and had to shook vigorously back and forth, as if to accelerate or enhance the developing of said picture.

Now, we turn all of our fancy gadgetry into vintage displays.    WHY?  As if anyone believes it’s a vintage photo.   It’s pretentious.   Then, we Instagram our food.

WHY?

WHY DO WE TAKE PICTURES OF OUR FOOD?  WHY DO WE MAKE IT LOOK LIKE IT CAME FROM THE 70S?  

Just eat the damn food.

And what better way to poke fun at such silliness than to parody it by parodying another fake grunge-like style… Nickelback.  It’s like someone Instagrammed Rock to make it look harder than it really is.

Random Act Of Kindness Fail #2

I did it again.  I went ahead and tried to be nice and, as always, it ended in disaster.

During last weekend’s Super Bowl preparations I made a run to the store to get supplies.   If you’ve ever been to a grocery store on a Sunday during Football season or before a winter storm, it can be a little maddening.   There are people everywhere.  There are no places to park.  It’s just a souring mood setter.    So, I put on my best game face, took my list, and said, “Let’s do this!”

Being in an area where the hometown team was not competing, it was slightly less frenetic than anticipated.  Still, with the Hated Ravens playing, Steeler fans were probably watching just to hope both teams would lose.  Me?  I was just interested in getting some good game day food.

Since I was at the store, anyway, I might as well pick up some items for the week’s worth of lunches.  That meant getting yogurt for me and my kid, as well as some lunch meat.  My last stop is always the deli, because it’s always the busiest.    It’s also right at the entrance and I try to go against the grain and start at the other end of the store first.  This solves two issues.   One, I end up back at the registers when I’m done, and two, by going to the deli last, that added ire of waiting extra long for pimento loaf doesn’t cause me to want to rage quit my shopping trip before I make it two thirds through my list. 

For the record, I don’t eat pimento loaf. 

I don’t even like olives.

I just like the sound of saying pimento loaf… much like saying prosciutto.

By the time I got to the deli, I was about tired of being in the store.  It wasn’t as bad as I thought, though.  They were on number nine and I was holding number eleven.   Soon, I noticed an older lady, probably in her late 70s, standing next to me.  She looked as if the wait was going to be hard on her.  She was steadying herself on her cart and I felt bad for her.   I leaned into her and asked… “What number are you?”

“Twelve.”

I handed her my number eleven and attempted to take her twelve.  “Oh, no.”  She replied,  “I’m fine.”

“No. Really.  It’s alright.  This wait is murder.”

At that point, a lady who was older than I was, but considerably younger than my new friend piped up.  “It’s OK.  I’m with her, so it doesn’t matter.”  She happened to have thirteen.  So, I offered to switch to thirteen and give them both a pass in front of me.  They weren’t having it.

During this exchange, the deli worker called “Eleven.”  Now, I felt like a real prick.  Not only am I failing at trying to do a good deed, I’m ruining it by holding up the line.  Now, I am the IDIOT that won’t take no for an answer.    At that moment, I was now the center of attention as my good deed was unspooling into an awkward mess of fail all over the deli section floor.  

I gave up and went back to being eleven and put in my order.  The wait for twelve would go on as they had to go unpack a new cut of meat to fill my order.  The lady behind me, missing her opportunity, had to wait extra long because I ordered something out of the ordinary.   Not only was I the idiot who held up the line by trying to surrender my spot.  I was now holding up my intended recipient by making the deli worker travel to the far reaches of Hell’s half acre to find a new block of Homestyle Roasted Chicken.

I quit being nice.  Sorry world, but I’m tired of asking you to the dance, only to be turned down.

Oh, and guess what?  Same store chain, but different location as the previous act of fail…  Maybe I need to raise my own food and never leave the house, ever.

Blinging Bond: Part Four of the Skyfall Review

Now, pay attention everyone.

We’ve got Bonds, Baddies, and Babes covered….  It’s time to take a look at the Bling of Bond in our Skyfall review.

From word No, Bond has been outfitted with some of the coolest cars and gadgets this side of a Brookstone store.  There were exploding pens, jet packs, and a Lotus that drove underwater, to name a few.   Bond has also sported the latest in Rolex Submariner’s though I doubt any of them actually told the time.  

Sometimes, they became a trope when it was pretty apparent that the ridiculous specificity of the object directly related to a life or death situation Bond was put in later on in the film.  Q must have had a machine that could see the future, much like another film that used random objects for specific tasks, Paycheck.

And how about Q?  Over the years, the Quartermaster has been played by roughly six actors, both EON and non-EON films, however, none was more well known that Desmond Llewelyn who played Q from 1963 until his death in 1999. 

While other actors may have portrayed the armourer with a more straight forward approach, Llewelyn played it with a certain amount of annoyance at Bond’s attention deficit disorder and lack of care in returning Q’s toys.   Just like, “Bond, James Bond” is a staple quote from 007 in nearly every film, Q is often quoted with “Now, pay attention 007” and “Do be careful with these”  though, he never does.

With The World is Not Enough, Q’s eventual successor, R, is introduced in John Cleese.  He then took over the role after Llewelyn’s death in 1999.  

Somewhat of a foreboding feeling seeing Q lowering himself into the ground soon after introducing his successor.

There was no new ground tread in the portrayal of Q by Cleese.  He returned to the format Llewelyn followed closely for over three decades.   Perhaps it was meant more as a tribute, rather than making the character his own.  You can see it in his delivery of the line, “As I learned from my predecessor, Bond, I never joke about my work.”  Though, you can see he was heading in a comedic direction in The World Is Not Enough.  Or, perhaps it was a directorial decision as the scene showcases a few Easter Eggs for the 40th anniversary of Bond.  You can see the show knife and jet pack prominently in the scene, above.

This was the last we would see of Q for 10 years.  It’s a shame that Cleese did not follow Bond into the Craig years.  However, in a way, it was probably for the best.  Apart from keeping M for continuity, having someone else from the old regime could have dragged the rebirth of Bond down into the mess that was Die Another Day. 

With Skyfall, we have the return of Q Branch.  Ben Wishaw, who looked more like Cillian Murphy in this film, plays Q more as a computer geek than gadget master.    He calls out Bond for being more of a blunt instrument than an efficient and highly specialized tool.   Making Q younger than Bond shows more about Craig’s seasoned and weary status as Bond than it does about Wishaw’s rookie turn as the armourer, but there is a recollection to the earlier years with Bond’s “You must be joking” line.  Though, the filmmakers don’t fall into the trap of retreading the line “I never joke about my work.”  You can see, though, that Q and Bond will be off on a good foot in this scene, no hidden knife required.

I do like a younger Q, though I’m not sure we really need a hipster Quartermaster.    The gadgets are simple and well placed with a radio tracker and Bond’s palm-print reader enabled Walther PPK.  However, the filmmakers make the same stupid mistake as nearly every other film in the history of films involving computer interfaces.  I call it the Weird Science effect.   

If you were born in the mid to late 90s and don't know this film, shame on you, for starters. Weird Science was a John Hughes film from 1985, where two geeks build a woman with their computer.   What follows is a highly stylized yet totally unrealistic portrayal of what a hacker would see in their attempts to break into various systems.  The same ridiculous type of computer hacking scenes also take place in Jurassic Park, Hackers, Sneakers, The Net, Independence Day, Disclosure, Swordfish, Wargames 2, Live Free or Die Hard, and now Skyfall. 

My biggest problem with the entire movie is that they go to great pains to show Q as a computer security geek, able to decipher anything, and not only do they show a totally stupid computer setup during Silva’s escape, they actually make Q a victim of his own hubris.  Why can’t Hollywood get computer hacking right? 

Qualms aside, it's nice to have Q back in the business of outfitting Bond with the latest in high tech office supplies.  Let's just hope there are no invisible cars in Craig's future.  I'd like him to be around for awhile.

Random Act Of Kindness Fail

People have been talking about doing random acts of kindness, so, I decided to lend myself to that cause. Unfortunately, it always ends in disaster.

Last Friday, while the events of Sandy Hook unfolded, I was out and about doing some shopping. I came across an old man in the Market District parking lot. He had just drove one of the motorized grocery carts to his car and I offered to take it back for him. He explained that I had to be seated and to pull the handle to get it to go.

So, begrudgingly, I sat down and made my way. I say begrudgingly because from the moment I sat down, I felt like a stereotype. “Oh, look, it’s a fat man on a motorized scooter. Such a shame.” Not to mention, the damn cart only went like half a mile an hour. As I pulled into the road and began crossing to the front of the store, people were passing me, walking slowly… I could feel the eyes of drivers stopped at the crossing, looking at my ridiculousness.

I decided this was silly and got up, attempting to roll the scooter to its destination under man power. Of course, the first instruction given to me by this man, who was probably now laughing all the way home at how bad he trolled me, became forgotten. You have to be seated for it to move.

Crap. Now I’m wasting everybody’s time. So, I sat back down and tried to get the cart going. I went backwards. Then, I quickly corrected and putted along, head down, hand raised in the “My Bad” position.

The world is against me, I swear it.

I've Got a Bad Feeling About This

With the news that The Disney Corporation has bought Lucasfilm, there is already talk about a sequel to Return of the Jedi and other shake ups in the a galaxy far, far away.  I just happened to have acquired a copy of the new script,  along with the re-re-release scripts of all six movies, which were smuggled out of the Magic Kingdom inside of an Astromech droid.  Here's some of the details of the new movies and the edits to the old ones due in theaters next year.

• New Death Star being constructed, looks surprisingly like Spaceship Earth.
• Entire Endor battle scene takes place between ants and grasshoppers.
• John Carter gets re-release date of 2014 with new effects, same script.
• Mace Windu rides ice chutes into Clone Wars.
• R2-D2 appears in new movie... looks a little like Wall-E
• Chewbacca now blue and sounds like John Goodman.
• Every time Luke whines, his nose grows.
• Episode III ending involves Ben holding baby Luke over a cliff while rebels bow.
• Jabba the Hut reimagined as sea creature.
• New musical numbers in the cantina...sung by the drink and silverware.
• Padme disguises herself as young Asian man instead of handmaiden.
• "I've got a bad feeling about this" line now "To Infinity and Beyond."
• John Ratzenberger still in Empire Strikes Back, but plays different characters in other five movies.
• Millennium Falcon speaks, sounds like Larry the Cable Guy.
• 101 Dewbacks rushed into production.
• At the end of Jedi, ghost of Simba appears alongside Yoda, Ben, and Anakin.
• Leia officially named new Disney Princess, shocks everyone with slave outfit.
• Boba Fett doesn't fly anymore, but he falls with style.
• Randy Newman hired to do the soundtrack for new movies.
• Opening crawl begins with, "A long time ago, in the office of P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney."
• I won't mention what happens to Lando... but it involves Br'er Lobot.
• New Star Wars Holiday Special DVD delivered in time for Christmas... returns to the vault, Jan. 1st.
• Leia leaves Han and moves in with the Seven Ewoks.
• Jar Jar out...   Roger Rabbit in.
• Yoda now voiced by Robin Williams
• Han Solo now wears eyeliner and drinks rum.
• Darth Vader's mask... something's different. 

Courtesy of Etsy

This move angers me more than I can tell.  First off, Lucas was a pioneer.  When the technology didn't exist to produce the effects or sound that he needed to realize his vision, he invented it.   He was so against corporate intrusion that he primarily financed his movies with his own money, just to maintain control and buck the Studio System.

Now, that level of control proved to be a bit of a downfall as the original trilogy was redone, enhanced, edited, and re-released.  The most heinous of changes were Greedo shooting first, the inclusion of Hayden Christiansen in place of Sebastain Shaw at the end of ROTJ, and the replacement of Jason Wingreen's voice with Temuera Morrison in TESB.

Regardless of Lucas' constant tinkering, Star Wars represented so much more in the way of innovation and advancement in film making while Disney was seen as being very slow to adopt new technologies, allowing Pixar to become the juggernaut that it was in animated films.  Disney floundered until they eventually bought Pixar around 2006.

Some of the fan chatter I've noticed in the last 24 hours has been positive.  The supposed Episode VII talk seems a bit joking, but think about it.  Lucas says he has no plans for three more movies.  Those stories are done.  But with Disney in charge, suddenly there is talk?   I don't like it.  Disney sequels are notoriously done to make money and not actually deliver a quality product.  I smell a string of straight to DVD titles with little effort.  Now, Toy Story 3 seems to be the exception but Cars 2 reeked of Disney corporate machine churning out a sequel to bank off the original.  Remember the debacle with Aladdin 2?

I've got a bad feeling about this?
This list will be re-released next year with added scenes and better grammar.

20 Years of Sucktitude

20 Years of Losing

Get it on a shirt at Redbubble or Zazzle

The Pittsburgh Pirates ended their season with a loss. They ended with a loss to the Braves and a loss to the fans. They did clinch their 20th consecutive losing season with a record of 79-83. Now, that’s seven wins more than last year, but when the team was 16 games above .500 and in contention for a wildcard spot in August. Now, they have only the speculation to look forward to.

What will the team do to improve? Will heads roll? Will money be spent? For the angry fan, the answers always seem to be, “No”.

The last time the Pirates had a winning season, Bush was in office. That wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t talking about the first Bush. I was still in high school. I’m now 37. Chipper Jones was on the Braves’ minor team at that time. That’s how flipping long ago it was.

However, the last two years seemed to be different. They were improving. They were winning. They were bringing back the fan base. I bought into it, two years in a row. Then, the same thing happened, twice. They collapsed. Oddly enough, both collapses started after a 19 inning game. Suddenly, the fans were a battered spouse and the team was the abusive drunk that promises to stay sober and get help… only to smack us around one more time.

Last year, the team got on this weird kick of taking on a Wilson Philips song as their theme. This year was the year of the “Z”. Last year, the Wilson Philips thing didn’t do much. This year, the “Z” was infectious. The Zoltan sign was such a quirky one off that it caught fire and soon shirts were being sold, people were scratching their head and looking up a movie called, “Dude, where’s my car?” It was strangely catchy, though. Hell, I even jumped on the band wagon.

But that was August. The sad truth is we can’t blame management for this collapse. We can say that they didn’t do enough at the trade deadline or that they dealt away Brad Lincoln and Casey McGehee. Well, actually, maybe you can. After all, the real reason why the Pirates were as good as they were may not be because they were any better than an under .500 team. It’s just that the rest of the division was weak out of the gate. There was a lot of sound bites thrown around about how bad the other teams were that it made it easy for the Pirates to look great. Andrew McCutcheon played like he wasn’t human and on most teams that would be enough to help. AJ Burnett, who made me facepalm early on with his Spring Training injury, became the beacon of hope for the team. He was the one player who had every reason to be negative. He played for the Yankees and ended up here. Yet, he played like he cared. He cared like he wanted the team to snap that losing streak.

And now, without hockey to talk about, we rally around the Steelers who are 1-2. Steelers aren’t stellar. No hockey. Sigh. The Pirates missed a great opportunity to grab more fans. Now, all we have left to think about is that they are raising ticket prices and probably won’t get any more players to justify that cost increase.

I Have Nothing To Say

I don’t.  I am completely without thought.  There are no words in my brain to convey to you, my 4.5 readers, some great nugget of wisdom.  You are in for a very dull read.

Why do people do this?  Why do we feel the need to share with everyone what we’re doing.  We’re going to the gym.  We’re checking in at our favorite greasy spoon.  We’re checking out of consciousness and going to sleep.  But, the most important thing is; we’re telling all our friends we’re going to do it.

Imagine this scenario:   You are back in college, living with your three friends.  I know you have more, but they wouldn’t fit the occupancy restrictions and the security deposit wouldn’t be enough to cover Jerry’s experimental interior decorating habits.  So, anyway,  you’re all sitting around watching Montel Jordan when you decide it’s time to go workout.  You stand up and loudly yell out, “I’m going to the gym to get ripped!”

Who the hell does that?

Here’s another scenario; you’re sitting around the dinner table, with your family, eating your mother’s latest creation and suddenly you yell out, “Peppersteak!  FML!”  Mom just blinks repeatedly, and looks up the number for an old priest and a young priest.

THAT SHIT HAPPENS! Not really.

Lastly, you’re in the library studying for your Econ final when the urge hits you.  You stand up and walk over to the nearest person and immediately start acting out the “To the pain” scene from The Princess Bride.   You manage to get through almost the entire speech before security throws you out.

As you wish!

Why do we do it?  Do we crave attention?  Do we think of ourselves as the bard of bathroom behavior.    Are our friends sitting around with a Facebook screen open at the ready in case someone decides to check out for the evening and we're there to witness it? 

Often times, I update my status to include quips about my kid, my life, and basically relating funny moments.  Well, funny to me.  I put music videos that describe my state of mind or reminisce about how in the 80s we didn’t do such things like this.  I quote movies.  I hardly ever announce that I’m about to go to the gym… which of course is because I don’t go to the gym.   I also don’t announce that I’m about to go 10200.  Listen, Internet, no one cares about your bodily functions.

And why is it that people post pictures of themselves in the bathroom?  Is it the mirror, the lighting?  Do people think that because they feel that they sound better, singing in the shower, they must look better in the bathroom when they snap that pic?  You don't.   And close the lid next time.  Ew.

Internet, duck lips and pictures snapped at arm’s length above your head are not cool.  If they were, M.C. Escher would have drawn that self portrait in the glass ball from the perspective of looking up… and his toilet would be in the background.

"Doesn't my triple mirror vanity just bring out the epicness of Blue Steel?"

Acceptance.  Heh
Likes.  Heh
Maximum Facebook Impact.  Heh.

We crave these.

Did the Current State of the Internet beget the “Look At Me Generation” or did the generation cause the current state of the Internet?

Hey Internet, grow up and rein in your rampant low self esteem!

And to that, I am done saying nothing.

On a blog…

To 4.5 readers…

Which will get posted in my Facebook news feed…

And on Twitter.

Going to dinner now. 


Like, please?

More Medical Billing Woes: The Saga Continues

Awhile back I shared my woes with a year old tale of how one simple screw up with a service provider led me into a world of fail that continues to plague me.

Brief recap… My wife had a doctor visit on one day with Provider A and on the next day had some additional tests done by Provider B. Having a deductible of $250 to fulfill, we were billed $71.50 by Provider A. Provider B billed us for $250 for their services.

Never getting the full disclosure of what we were being billed for in an Explanation of Benefits, I opted to hold off on paying Provider A and B because there was a discrepancy in the amount being billed.

Long story short, I eventually paid Provider A for $71.50 and then $178.50 to Provider B, thus fulfilling her individual deductible of $250.

Then, Provider B continued to bill us for the remaining $71.50. I disputed it and they didn’t care. I contacted Provider A and they could not provide me with an answer. I contacted the Insurance Provider and they could not find any claim other than the initial co-pay of $20 for Provider A’s visit.

We were sent to collections. And when the collection agent called last week, I explained all of this and then had to make another round of calls to Provider A, Provider B, and the Insurance Provider.

Provider A is not open for inquiries beyond 5pm. 4pm for Provider B. Calling them after work is not really an option. Hell, it’s hard to get through to them during my lunch, because I’ve sat in the hold queue for well over 20 minutes and this issue takes time to re-explaining.

So, I called yesterday after going through my training class and needing to decompress… Of course, I attempted to apply what I learned about Service Management to the CSR over the phone. It didn’t go well. This is a paraphrased conversation.

“How did this happen?”
  “No claim was filed for this service.”
“Yet you billed me for it.”
  “Yes.”
“And I paid for it.”
  “Yes”
“OK, well, I’m into collections with another provider over this, so re-file the claim.”
  “It will take 7-10 days to do this because we have to pull it from collections.”
“Seriously? 7-10 days?”
  “Yes.”
“But you billed me for it and didn’t file a claim with the insurance. Why do you think I didn’t pay it? Because no claim was filed and no EOB was sent out for it. What if I had already met my $250 deductible before this? How would you know that I owed anything? You billed me before filing a claim.”
  “I understand that sir. It will take 7-10 days to file it because we have to pull it from collections.”
“OK, well, I called last year and went over this with someone and they said they would re-file it. They obviously didn’t do it. So, what kind of assurance do I have that it will get done this time? Can you send me something or copy me on the statement.”
  “No, sir, I cannot do that. You can call the Insurance Provider in 7-10 days to see that it was filed.”

Let’s just say I don’t have a lot of confidence that this will get done. The last time I called they said they had to get a hold of a supervisor and call me back.

They didn’t.

Once this gets resolved, I want a friggin’ apology from Provider A.

Why Pittsburgh Questions the NFL Officiating

People, who are not fans of the Steelers, wonder why we bitch about the officiating at games.

Can the team impose a fine on the league for being idiots?

The Colonel Has Run Out Of Chicken

I think I talked about the trials and tribulations of going to the local KFC in Irwin, PA. Oh, that’s right. I was supposed to and didn’t. I opted to stroll down memory lane, instead. Well, let me give you the basics. The KFC in Irwin sucks! How do I know? Every time I go there they screw up the order or flat out don’t have what I want.

On an evening back in June I went in to pick up dinner for my family and sat there, waiting, for a half hour while they made more chicken. Apparently, they don’t understand that the F and the C in their name stands for Fried Chicken… as in they sell it. This is more of an atrocity than the time that Smokey Bones ran out of chicken because they sell other things but when the actual name of the store contains the word chicken in it, you would expect them to actually have some to sell. But no, I had to wait until they made more. Then, they actually shorted me two pieces.

This was the second time I had an issue. Earlier in the year, they had this confusing circle of fail concerning how to actually order a meal. The ability to actually choose which type of chicken I wanted (leg, thigh, wing, etc.) became a point of contention and they ended up screwing up the division of parts.

Then, this last weekend, my father-in-law got a hankering for some KFC and we decided to go get a 16 piece bucket meal with a coupon he had. It was 16 pieces, however we sliced it, two large sides and eight biscuits. Plenty of food to feed four of us and have some leftovers for lunch the next day. So, I walked in and asked for the bucket and said, “Can I pick which pieces I want?”

They said, “Sure. It usually comes with four of each type, but if you want to substitute breasts for the others, there is an up-charge.”

“Not a problem. I just wanted to know if I could do four wings, four thighs, and then eight drumsticks of extra crispy.”

“Um, we don’t have enough drumsticks.”

Now, normally, most people would not really care. However, usually, my wife only likes the drumsticks and I prefer them if I can get them. Because I was on the third go around with these people, I had a bit of an attitude.

“You mean you are out of chicken? OK, well, how about six drumsticks and you offset the difference with a couple of breasts at no extra charge?”

“Yeah, we don’t have enough of either. Now, you can do four extra crispy and four original drumsticks.”

“Look, I’m just the messenger. I was told to get extra crispy. I’ll need to make a quick call. Can I please have back my coupon that you just crumpled up?”

So, I went outside and called my wife. “What’s wrong this time?” See, she already knew this was a bad idea and I hadn’t even spoken yet.

“They’re out of chicken.”

“What do you mean they’re out of chicken? This is like the time Smokey Bones ran out of…”

“I know! Look, will you be OK with some original recipe drumsticks?”

“Yeah, fine.”

So, I went back in and gave her the coupon and told her I’d take four of each recipe of drumsticks and I was on my way.

This all still begs the question, “How does Kentucky Fried Chicken run out of chicken?!?!”

‘Eff it. I’m going to Popeye’s.

I Want My Two Dollars

Excuse me for a second.  I'm waiting to speak with a Customer Service agent about a charge on my bank statement....

Please wait for a site operator to respond.

My wife called me at work and wondered why there was this $2.00 "SERVICE CHARGE PAPER STATEMENT" on our bank statement. 

Oh, hang on, he's here.

You are now chatting with 'Gene'

Gene: Hi Mongo-how may I help you?

Mongo: Helo, Gene. I have a question about a line item on my statement

Mongo: Basically, I see a SERVICE CHARGE PAPER STATEMENT listed and I do not know why

Gene: yes-that was sent in June and July statements as a statement enclosure notifying customers that as of 8/1/11 there would be a $2 charge for paper statements going forward from 8/1/11. If you want "no charge" just convert to "online" through our free ExpressNet internet banking product.

Mongo: So, unless I convert to only 'online' statements, I will continue to get a paper statement and be charged $2.00 for having received one. Is that correct?

Gene: correct, unless you are 50 years or older and then you can convert to a 4 star checking account and that type allows FREE paper statements Michael.

Mongo: Not there yet, but thank you. That answers my question.

Gene: you are welcome

So, there you have it.  After looking around, I did see the paper message that the bank mailed me noting the new charges would start affecting my account.   Still, I find this all a little less than great service.

First of all, I know that we shouldn't kill so many trees.  I get that.  However, bank statements are one of those things you need to keep around in case the IRS comes a knockin'.    Instead of being a bright shining beacon of security and service, the bank has decided to pass that cost onto the customer.    They don't want to waste the ink, paper, postage, and man hours to send out a statement.  They want you waste the paper and ink to print out yourself.

I know I could just pdf all of my statements and keep them on a media storage device.  Unfortunately, in the last two years I've had a 500 gb external hard drive, and a 8gb flash drive brick up and become unusable.  I've lost a good bit of information.  The idea is not to keep placing copies of stuff around the digital aether of storage devices in my house.  I should be able to get my statement, and put it in a filing cabinet along with all my other important documents... or a safe, if I so choose.


Perhaps it's time to move on from S&T.  My wife and I only use them for a checking account and two savings accounts.   The checking account isn't even our a primary one.  It's my wife's, which has a small balance just for little stuff.  Losing it wouldn't be a problem.
 
Besides, we haven't been extremely happy with them since they absorbed Irwin Bank & Trust a few years ago.  I, myself, have PNC, which absorbed National City, which absorbed Integra, which absorbed Hick Bank of Connellsville after I opened an account back in 1993. 
 
They say don't take your money out of the banks.  Don't put it under a mattress.  Well, I wouldn't have to go print out a statement of what's under there.  I could take out and put in whatever I wanted.  I wouldn't need a fancy Internet connection to constantly look at how much I have in there.   It's not even like we draw any interest on it, or from any account for that matter.   I think my checking account made a whole $2.00 in interest last year.  Whoa!  That's enough to buy one paper statement from S&T Bank.   Maybe I should keep them.
 
Hmmm,  on second thought.  
 
Nah.  I'd rather bank with someone who isn't a cheap bastard like me.The other problem I have with this new feature is that if I were 50 or older, it wouldn't matter.  So, it's not that they are more concerned with money, it's that they feel older customers may not have access to the Internet.   What if I didn't?  What if I lived out in the middle of nowhere with no access to the tubes.   I guess I pay $2.00 to be a luddite. 

I Want My 80s TV Back

Recently, VH1 Classic ran the first hour of MTV’s original broadcast for the 30th anniversary. Funny. Don’t you think MTV would want to celebrate their own milestone by rebroadcasting their first on air moments? Oh, that’s right. That would involve MTV actually playing music videos which they have said they don’t do anymore.

In fact, they even changed the logo, albeit they simply cropped the words MUSIC TELEVISION with the aid of something as simple as MS Paint. And how does last year’s decision bode for having the VMAs? Sort of like tits on a bull to show a Video Music Award show on a station that no longer shows music videos.

But this is nothing new, MTV… er, TV has been reduced to scripted reality shows for the last fifteen years. Such a far fall from television that used to premiere groundbreaking shows like 120 Minutes, Head Banger’s Ball, Unplugged, Liquid Television, and the self deprecating Beavis and Butthead which made fun of the same videos MTV played, and some it didn’t. In fact, MTV created its own demise with the debut of The Real World. How could we have known that one of the biggest trail blazers would be consumed by its own flame?

So, it shouldn’t be a surprise that MTV’s biggest competitor in terms of playing videos should get the spoils of playing its progenitor’s old home movies. After all, both networks are owned by Viacom.
Now, I was a wee Mongo, only six years old, when MTV first aired on August 1st, 1981. I never saw it. We didn’t have cable or that many channels in those days, except for stealing HBO. It wasn’t until MTV came to Armstrong Cable (South Western PA) that I got to watch and by then, MTV was huge. So, it was kind of like seeing it for the first time when it re-aired this past August 1st.

My initial thoughts were “What a waste of 10 minutes?” The first thing you see is the build up to the launch of Space Shuttle Columbia, which goes on forever. Finally, the shuttle launches and the screen transitions to the launch of Apollo 11, ending with Neil Armstrong’s walk on the moon and the flag, emblazoned with the original MTV logo pronouncing that Rock and Roll television has arrived.

What a missed opportunity, in my opinion. For anyone not knowing what was to come, they might have switched off the television, thinking this was a joke or just a rebroadcast of the shuttle launch from four months earlier. In fact, I was thinking this was such a shame because it was the first hour of such a landmark event, and fifteen minutes of it was wasted on actual footage of a space launch from mission control and the launch pad. I DVR’ed the show because I had to be at work in less than six hours. I wasn’t about to stay up and watch what was possibly the first three hours because I didn’t know it was perhaps part one of three.

But there it was, the first breath ever in this world. From there, The Buggles and Pat Benatar carved the path for the fresh new faces of VJs to come on and take us by the hand into a brave new world. Mark Goodman, the first VJ we see, introduces himself along with Nina Blackwood, the late J.J. Jackson, Alan Hunter, and Martha Quinn, who still looks 21, today, ensuring us that this new experiment will change the world. And it did.

Sadly, we see this broadcast, on a sister station at a time when most kids don’t know that MTV actually play videos. Before YouTube or OnDemand, there was actually a network that played 24 hours of music videos. It’s like watching the early days of Elvis or Michael Jackson when all people today really see is them at their death, a shadow of what they used to be like in their prime. It’s almost a sad joke or a lie. It’s Toto pulling back the curtain to see that the Wizard is merely a humbug.

And, truthfully, do we really have music today that needs videos? The real pioneers and trailblazers are hard to find in the sea of crap. Maybe the 80s were like that as well. For every Peter Gabriel, Herbie Hancock, Madonna and Michael Jackson moments of genius, there were plenty of Gerardo, Right Said Fred and yes Michael Jackson moments to drown them out.

And even, even, Leonard Nimoy.

My Kid, the Artist

My daughter loves to draw.  We go to restaurants and out come the Crayons and away go our place mats as she commandeers them for her masterpieces.  She's four, so I give her a lot of leeway.  She's not Monet or Picasso.  She's just a kid with an eye for color and design.

After a long day of work I get a lot of joy from being greeted by her and her latest artwork.   Today was no exception.   Here is her rendition of a brontosaurus.

 

I'll be here all week folks, tip your servers.

Hell, forget the tip, give them the whole thing. 

Hollywood Hits New Low in Greed

Imagine you are watching your favorite television show on reruns. You loved it when it was originally aired and now, while channel surfing you catch one of your favorite episodes. Somewhere, in the background of one of the scenes, a magazine display shows an advertisement for a movie. The episode is about four years old but the ad for the movie is one that opens this week. If you’re watching digital cable or have a DVR service enabled, you have the ability to rewind the scene and there to the horror of your suspension of disbelief is the cold dark truth; Hollywood will stop at nothing to make money.


This article from the Consumerist compares the same image from the original airing of an episode of How I Met Your Mother from 2007 to a recent rerun with an ad for Zookeeper digitally inserted.

Now, it might seem trivial to be upset over this but consider that How I Met Your Mother is a show, whose premise is built upon the fact that it’s the past, even though it’s the present. OK, before you get out your tops and start spinning them or checking for time skipping nose bleeds, let me explain. The show is told from the point of view of Ted, who is explaining to his kids how he met their mother. The time frame is affixed to the years it takes place during. By inserting this ad, that advances the time frame by four years, you disrupt the dramatic flow. I know. I’m a dork and I need help. Truth is, I don’t watch the show, but this latest attempt at Hollywood product placement within shows is another reason why I think the system is inherently broken beyond repair.

Imagine if this were a rerun of LOST and a poster for an ad for The Hangover 3 appeared on the cover of a magazine on Oceanic Flight 815? It’s jarring. It’s disruptive. And ultimately, it insults the intelligence of the viewer by insisting that we are brainless beings that can be duped by 'Pretty Mediocre photographic fakery', to quote Doc Emmet Brown.

Soon, DVDs will be edited to contain ads for products not available at the time of the movie’s filming. That classic film that you’ve always loved since you were a child could be next. You’ve waited years for it to come out on Blu-Ray only to have it sullied by the Mad Men of Madison Avenue and MGM.

Hollywood. STOP IT! You’ll give Spielberg and Lucas new ideas for re-releasing their movies.

The One That Got Away

Way back before the Internet gave us the ability to make complete asses of ourselves, like I do on a regular basis, we had outdoor activities. We went camping. We did not have any televisions or game consoles or air conditioning to keep us indoors.

We roasted marshmallows and took walks in the woods. We swam in the lakes and played volleyball on the beach. We competed in camp races and other activities all summer long.

Now, most of those activities can be done on a Wii. That includes fishing.

Fishing is one of those activities that can be done while drinking which tells me it is not a sport. Professional fishermen should not be called athletes in the same manner that NASCAR drivers shouldn’t. Still, it takes a certain amount of skill and talent to be a Bass Master.

I am not one of these people; far from it, in fact. First of all, I don’t like killing things unless I have to. I’ll save a moth from being stuck in my garage as well as moving a caterpillar off the road for fear it will be squashed. But, as a child, I did go fishing with my father on our many camping trips to parks around Southwestern PA and I did bait my own hooks and clean my own fish.

But it took a while to get the hang of things like casting.  I had to have been about seven or eight when my father tried to teach me to cast my own line. Usually, he would cast for me and then hand me the pole. I would take it from there. There’s a ‘teach a man to fish’ joke in there somewhere, I’m sure of it. However, on this particular trip to Keystone State Park he decided I needed to learn how to cast myself. He explained it very clearly.

“Push in the button here. Hold the pole tightly. Raise your arm back and snap your wrist. Let go of the button and then wait.”

I got it. I was ready. I was about to cast my very first fishing line, all by myself. I went over the instructions again and again as I pantomimed the actions.

“Push button. Hold pole, tight. Laugh a little at that. Raise arm. Snap wrist. Let button go. Wait.”

OK, I’m ready. I baited my hook and made preparations to cast.

“Everyone, look out. I am about to cast my line!” My words echoed across the empty lake.

I held in the button. I gripped the pole, tightly, still giggling at that instruction. I raised my arm back. I snapped my wrist. SPLASH!

That splash I heard was my pole hitting the water after it jerked out of my hand. “Oh, no!” I cried. I just threw my fishing pole into the lake. It was gone.

There was a silver lining to all this, though. At some point, during the raising of my arm, the hook dug into the pocket on my dad’s shirt. I had forgotten that he was directly behind me as I casted. The tip of the pole grazed his chin and caused it to jerk out of my hand. So, even though the pole was gone, the worm and hook were still in the boat. That was the good news.

The bad news was that I had already pushed in the button, so the line was free to unspool and it did, as the pole sailed out into the water, away from our boat. My dad cursed every way he knew how as he pulled 300 yards of fishing line out of the lake, looking for the pole at the end.

I spent the rest of that afternoon winding the line, which was now piled up in a mess on the floor of the boat. I didn’t cast by myself the rest of that summer. I was merely given the pole which was already set.

I quit fishing a few years later as it was no longer any fun to gut and clean blue gills. That was the only thing I ever caught. I was the blue gill master with only a few perch in my list of accomplished catches. I never let go of a pole again, though.

Today I am surer of myself as I cast. Why?

Because, I am sure to tightly grip the Wiimote. Then, I giggle a bit and cast my virtual fishing line. No TVs have been harmed, as of yet.

Buccos Brewhaha With Local Bar

Yes, I spelled 'Brouhaha' wrong on purpose.
I had planned out a lengthy, count 20 paragraphs, post about this story.  Instead, I'm listing a few links because each one has it differences.  You be the judge on who is right and who is wrong.

Coonelly 'scolded' Bar Owner:  Warning... Bob Smizek alert.
'Pirates Lose' Beer Special Brings Bar Heat From Team‎:  WTAE
Bar Discounted Beer Every Time The Pirates Lost; Team Bullies Them Into Ending Promotion: Deadspin


In essence, a local bar offered a discount of five cents off a pitcher of beer every time the Pirates lose a game.  It's a consolation prize for fans who patronize the bar.  It was taken as a jab at the ball club and someone within the Pirates' front office asked for a boycott of the bar using Pirates' letterhead in her communication.  That caused the owner to contact the news media, which in turn caused Frank Coonelly to contact the owner, which caused everyone to jump all over this because the Pirates' Front Office is evil.  Right?
My take on all this...

WTF?!?!?!?!?!?+infinity.

The Pirates suck.  They have sucked for 18 years.  They continue to suck.  News media in Pittsburgh makes fun of them.  Locals make fun of them.  Other teams make fun of them.  Yet, this little bar in Kennedy Township is the straw that broke the camel's back?

When I was 16, I did a stupid thing.   To which everyone says, "Only one?"  That week, yes.  Anyway, I went with some friends and participated in egging a house on Halloween.   What I didn't know was that everyone egged this house.  It was listed in Zagat's guide to egging and corning houses.  I swear....  (No, I don't, really.)  Yet, apparently, my friends and I were that proverbial straw, because the homeowner chased us down and got my friend's plate number.  The next day, cops called my house and I was fined $93.  I also got grounded for the first and only time in my life where it lasted more than five minutes.   I also had to miss a Def Leppard concert, which I paid for with my paper route money.  Lesson learned. 

The point is that the Pirates have been the egged house for so long that someone felt compelled to fight back against a semi-satirical jab at their losing streak.  Now, it's a major news story.  It didn't need to be.

Was the Pirates' employee wrong?  Yes.
Was the promotion a bad idea?  No.
Was Frank Coonelly rude and an 'arrogant ass' as the bar owner said in a WDVE interview?  Maybe.

Frank has a track record and looks guilty, no matter what he says to the contrary about the incident.  What he needs to do is take ownership of the situation that was created by his staff and promote the fact that it was a mistake and steps are being taken to readdress company policy about such matters.  He should also make amends with the bar owner and she should make amends with him.   Then he should go out and start winning some ball games or my friends and I will be looking for his house in the latest edition of "Places to TP in Pittsburgh".

Besides, what right do the Pirates have in even calling out this business?  It's a free country.  The only real loser is the bar, which would have ended up serving free beer by the All Star break.