2013 D-Bag Awards Round Two: The Fellowship of the D-Bags

• Mother Nature
• Humanity
• Congress
• Hollywood
• The Brothers Tsarnaev
• George Zimmerman
• Aaron Hernandez
• Black Friday
• Phone Companies

There are your nominees for the biggest douche bag in 2013.   Look at them.  Each one deserving of the title, but only one will walk away with the right to be called as such. 

It’s been a long year for us.  We’ve survived natural disasters and possibly being shot by George Zimmerman or Aaron Hernandez.  The Boston Marathon bombing taught us not only that we are strong as a society but severely flawed in our hatred and stupidity towards those people and things we think are different.   We elevate stupidity to lofty heights and reward companies for being douches by raking honest working people for a buck.  We’d call our congressman and tell them what’s up, but they already know what we’re talking about anyway and they’re probably on recess anyway and not going to listen.  I guess you could say it sounds just like a really bad movie involving sharks and tornadoes, but that would never get made, RIGHT?

So, looking at that list of nine entries, it’s hard to narrow down one particular contestant and say that THEY are the biggest douche bag.

Then again, maybe it isn’t that hard.  Maybe the answer is pretty easy.  Look at that list.  Everything boils down into two columns; Nature and People.  Mother Nature tore Death a new one in the last round, but it’s still nothing compared to the sheer force of hate and stupidity that is humanity.  This year, with all of the issues: same sex marriage, racism, bullying, rewarding stupid famous people, and sharing it all on the Internet, we have sunk to new lows.   We hate with more vitriol than I think we have ever done so, before.  We have gone to greater lengths to screw one another over, keep each other down, and simply just hate.   And it’s not that there isn’t a bright and shining center in all of this, but it’s so clouded over with the general blech of people being spiteful and entitled and bratty.   The entire human race needs a good spanking and for that the 2013 D-Bag Of the Year Award goes to us.

We deserve it.   Next year, let’s try harder to not be such assholes.

2013 D-Bag Awards Round One: Tsarnaev Brothers vs. Kardyeezy

Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev vs. Kanye West and Kim Kardashian

 

This was a hard matchup to justify.  The only common thread between them was that there was a coupling of sorts.  On one hand you the Brothers Tsarnaev, responsible for the most notable terrorist attack on American soil since 9/11, when they carried out a plot to bomb the Boston Marathon in April.  On the other hand, you hand you have Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.  Their celebrity elevates them to new heights of douchebaggery.  Their whole existence as a couple and what they bring to the table in terms of being worthwhile news is pretty much what’s wrong with the country.  Kim as a role model and Kanye with his continued bouts of “I am the second coming” pretty much make we wish he had never finished.  Then again, it’s not their kid’s fault that they are like they are. 

However, are they the bigger douchebags?

The answer?

Not even close.

The Brothers Tsarnaev get that honor.  THEY KILLED PEOPLE.  Nuff said, move on North by North West!  Let’s hope that kid learns really quick to distance themselves from the ridiculousness.