WUMF: March 2013 Edition

I know. I know.  I missed another WUMF Deadline.

<insert Blues Brothers’ quote>

Truth is, I had the plague at my house since last week.  So, everything today revolves around that issue.

The Streak

The Pens finally lost, ending their streak at 15.   Now, if you are scratching your nugget, trying to figure out how that info equates to me being sick, realize that I was unable to eat anything for three days, and I did my own laundry last night to spare my wife the ick factor.   I’ll let your mind wander on that one for a bit.

Yeah, I went there.

OK, so the Pens lost.  The world has not come to a screeching halt, people.   We are still in it to win it.   The Pens losing signifies one thing.  They are human.  They have rough outings.  They have three people out with injuries.  Now, at least two radio stations summed up the reasons the Pens lost included the lack of Paul Martin.  That makes some of my friends twitch a little, but when you figure that LeTang is also one of the injured, you have to realize that without LeTang, all you have is Martin… and without Martin you have even less and that is saying a lot.

The Pens will be fine and this will give them some perspective towards that goal of hoisting and toasting Lord Stanley.  The pressure is now off of them for the rest of the season to be perfect.  They just need to be great as we know they can be.  They can play smart  hockey and not balls deep, blazing, hockey as if the fate of the world rests on a one timer from Sidney Crosby.  

The addition of Jarome Iginla was pretty sweet.  There is a level of gravitas this team now has with these editions.  I think the only Captains were missing are America and Morgan.   Shero probably has that on his list of things to do before the deadline.  Which is now at least 2 hours old.  But if anyone can make a trade beyond it, it’s Ray Shero.  I think he managed to trade a shoddy bomb casing full of used pinball parts for some plutonium for his time machine.

The Buccos

Once again, it shouldn’t be hard to make the connection between them and what I was doing all weekend.   They lost their home opener.  Let’s start the 21^st season off right and not have any expectations.   Mr.  Shero, meet Mr. Nutting.  Mr. Nutting, meet Mr. Shero.  Now, the two of you stay locked in this room until Nutting understands how to put together a team, not a business model.

This Illness

So, yeah, I had it.  I don’t know what it was, but it was bad.  Sunday morning I woke up a little fuzzy.  By the middle of the day, I made the decision to not eat anything.  I wasn’t vomiting, but I was in the bathroom every 20 minutes.  At its worst, my fever was 101.3.  I managed to drink some water and eat Italian Ices.    That sucked huge time because Easter dinner is one of my favorite holiday meals next to New Year’s.   We have ham, kielbasa, sirecz (Hunky Easter Cheese), corn casserole, and sweet potato casserole. 

I called off Monday and finally had some toast in the afternoon.  That was the turning point, I thought.   I was fine, with no incidences all day.  Even went out to dinner with my family and had a steak sandwich and fries.

That was my biggest mistake.  I was up at 4AM, then at 4:30.  Then at 4:55 and 5:55AM.   I opted to work from home and after a magnificent feast of toast, water, and another year old Italian Ice, I was fine again.   For dinner, I took it easy, having some chicken noodle soup, pineapple, watermelon, and Jello.  

Today, I’m back to full strength.  And the only silver lining was that I lost 6 lbs. during the week.  That brings my total from December 20^th to today to 34 lbs. lost.  I haven’t done any exercise yet.  LOL.  I know it’s coming, though.

YouTube

I’ve been posting videos, weekly, to TheAngryCast and viewership is anemic.  I admit, I was hoping there would be a jump after I expanded to SimCity Playthroughs and The Design It series.   But, it’s still only a month in and I need to refine my processes.   I will say that I had to make another expenditure.   I managed to chew through 560gb of hard drive space in a month, so I bought a 1 Tb drive off Amazon for $80.   Now, I can move all my raw footage to date to the drive and keep the laptop hard drive for stuff I’m currently working on.    I better hurry because Dead Island Riptide is coming.   The connection… walking dead is what I was this weekend.

Like a Boss

So, here I was stuck in my house eating toast and year old Italian Ices, drinking water and avoiding dairy and people all be mixing it up and getting arrested while standing in line for free cakes in Market Square.  And, from what I heard, police were called to stop fights in line. What the hell?

Seriously, some drunk guy stole a case of cakes from the Cake Boss giveaway while people from North Carolina drove up here and stood in line since 7AM to get one.

Again, people, I ATE TOAST AND DRANK WATER FOR THREE DAYS.   And when I didn’t, I paid for it dearly.

How friggin’ good are these cakes?  Oh yeah, they’re free. 

I don’t watch the show and quite frankly, I wouldn’t stand in line for a free pizza let alone a cake.  I’d rather stand in line and pay for something from The Oakmont Bakery or Moio’s.  

And how bad does that make Pittsburgh look?  We get all these awards for livable city and tech jobs and sports and we can’t handle free cake lines?  Portland is telling us to suck it.

One Does Not Simply Barf Into Mordor

People always ask, “How was your Christmas?” This year was a down year. There are more reasons than I care to relate, but the biggest was having a kid with the stomach flu on Christmas morning. Now, I don’t believe it was the stomach flu, because neither my wife nor I came down with it. That may seem trivial but the kid had three separate bouts of stomach issues across a week, where the stomach flu usually lasts around 12-24 hours. We both thought it was strep as the kid has had the same symptoms without being contagious in the past. But, her pediatrician, Ted Nugent (He looked and sounded like a cross between Ted Nugent and Joey Slotnick with a goatee that stuck out like four feet from his chin), said it was the stomach flu. Anyway, I want to explain to you, in Mongo terms, what Christmas was like for us.

Now, I am going to give you a visual marker and I want you to remember it. It will help as this is how I can only describe what happened.

Do you remember somewhere around the last third of the film, The Return of the King… which had about 14 different endings… the part where Sam and Frodo are stuck on a rock in a river of lava? If not, I’ll sum up.

Gollum attacks Frodo who has given himself over to the One Ring. Gollum bites off Frodo’s finger, which I heard is no harder to do than to bite through a carrot stick. That’s a little tip for you playing at home or in a bar. Anyway, Gollum and Frodo fight for the Ring and he falls over the edge and pulls a Terminator 2 with the Ring in the lava. Frodo and Sam hightail it out of the Crack of Doom as everything goes to shit and Mount Doom erupts.

After high fiving each other for completing the journey… they have an “Oh FUQ!” moment when they realize they are now stuck in the middle of the flowing lava. Soon, the eagles come to their rescue, which was the one thing that made no sense, because they could have just flown on the eagles from The Shire and it would have been a half hour long movie…. But I digress. So, keep that image of Sam and Frodo adrift in your mind. If you are still having trouble… here…

Now, on the 23rd of December, I took my kid out for a bit of last minute shopping, while my wife wrapped presents and cleaned for company to come over on Christmas Eve. The last thing I really wanted to do was take my kid out into the madness that was the shopping mall on the day before Christmas Eve, but she helped pick out some great Yankee Candle stuff for my wife and she had a ball playing some floor projected video game which uses your shadow like a controller as you step on an area of the floor.

As a reward for her good behavior, I took her to Cold Stone Creamery for some ice cream. Ok… I wanted to get some and used her as an excuse to get some. She had a standard kids cup with chocolate and we went home.

After a bit, she started complaining of a stomach ache and ran around the house clutching her tummy and I yelled… get to the bathroom. So, she sat there a good 20 minutes and finally let it all out. Then, before I could assist her, I heard it. I heard the familiar sound of the child spewing used ice cream all over the tile floor in the bathroom. I ran into the bathroom to the back porch to grab the garbage can she and my wife both used two weeks before when they both had the stomach flu… the real deal. It was empty, but we just hadn’t disinfected the can, yet. As I turned the corner into the bathroom, it was too late, again. Mount Doom had erupted… everywhere.

I managed to reach the can over to her as she finished vomiting into it. Now, she was trapped. Not only was she sitting, with dangled feet, on the toilet, but she was stuck in the middle of a used ice cream flow, with no escape. She was Sam and Frodo, awaiting death on the side of Mount Doom. Here, I was, Gandalf, riding in on the backs of giant eagles.

I used a good portion of a roll of paper towels just to clean up a path as I told her to sit tight. Once I got that cleaned up, I could get her cleaned up. She was then told to just stand out in the living room, naked and not sitting on anything, while I exorcised the rest of Captain Howdy’s Pea Soup out of the bathroom.

As she shivered in her nakedness in our living room, I scrubbed and Lysol wiped everything I could. The Christmas shower curtain was now speckled, as were the towels and floor rug we had just put into the bathroom. After finishing my crime scene clean up, I gave the kid a hot bath and called it a day.

This is how I know it was not the Stomach Flu. As I cleaned out the garbage can, I simply rinsed it down in the tub before scrubbing it with Clorox Cleanup and Lysol Wipes. I turned on the bathtub to rinse down the remaining liquid and it splashed up and hit me in the face as if it was that liquid from the cylinder in The Prince of Darkness. I never got sick.

Perhaps it was luck… or a trick…

Do not take me for a conjurer of cheap tricks.

Convenience Store Hotdog Healthcare Part Two

In my last post, I set up the scenario wherein my wife was complaining of a bladder infection, accompanied by a fever, chills, and rigors. We went to MedExpress and they all but scared her into going to the ER to be treated with IV antibiotics. However, she took a shot in the ass and a script for Cipro and went on her, only to end up in the ER the next night, no better.

The doctor took a look at her and ordered a chest x-ray after setting her up with an IV drip and I had gone home to fetch our daughter and waited for the phone to ring. So, do you know what the prognosis was?

Well, my one and only commenter guessed right. She had pneumonia.

We never would have guessed for two reasons. The first one, I gave. MedExpress listened to her chest and found no reason to think pneumonia. The second reason, which I forgot to add, was that she had just come off a round of Zithromax the day before she started noticing symptoms of the infection. So, there was little reason to think she would have developed pneumonia after being treated for bronchitis. Still, I was glad it was nothing truly serious and she called me close to 11pm saying she was discharged.

I gathered up our kid and went to pick her up, knowing that she would be sleeping in her own bed, not hooked up to tubes and wires. In the end, she was treated for both the pneumonia and bladder infection and has been much better.

So, to my original point, when you’re sure you know what’s wrong with you and you just need to get a script or confirmation, MedExpress or urgent care is perfectly fine. Your co-pay is more to get in there but you can use your local pharmacy instead of paying their higher prices for drugs. If you have the time and patience, your PCP is great. But if you’re going all out and need to get that excellent hot dog healthcare which is sure to harden your arteries and leave a smile on your face, go to the ER.

The great thing about getting that gigantic chili dog with cheese fries early in the season is that once you’ve met your deductible, you can the high class brand of healthcare for the cost of your co-pay… extra cheese fries at no additional charge. I managed to max out my deductible in the first week of the year with a blood test and other routine exams.

Sick Of It

You know your kid is sick when on Easter morning the little tyke doesn’t dive head first into her basket of candy like Ewan McGregor into a toilet in Trainspotting. I will let that image sit with you for one second… no more, or might not come back from that place.

Turns out, my kid was working on a fever. She had already been put on antibiotics for an ear infection earlier in the week, so the doctors thought to do nothing else as this was more viral in nature. We just had to keep her fever down and keep her hydrated. It wasn’t easy. She was hovering around 102-104 and my wife kept wanting to pull the trigger and take her to the hospital.

I was not as ready to jump on that path, yet. We’ve been down that path before. The kid gets traumatized, an IV drip with saline, Motrin, and a $100 bill for the ER visit plus the emotional trauma. Been there, done that.

I suggested we keep trying to bring it down with alternating children’s strength Motrin and Tylenol, wet facial cloths for her forehead and coaxing her to drink more fluids. And guess what? It worked. We brought her fever down and by bed time the little hustler was besting me two out of three games in Candyland.

By the beginning of the next week, my wife began experiencing a fever. By Tuesday, I had it. Finally, on Thursday, her father had it. Each of us with varying symptoms.

By Friday, I was spent. So, I worked from home and then had to take care of my wife. I took her go for a chest x-ray which revealed she had pneumonia in her right lung. She also had pink eye. They put her on a Z-pack, drops for eye, and neb treatments.

I went on Saturday with my father-in-law to MedExpress which revealed I had bronchitis, pharyngitis, and an ear infection. A strep test came back negative, but I was already cheating by taking two leftover Augmentin the day before. I was not originally going to go but considering I was coughing up bloody phlegm, it was probably a good thing. My father-in-law was not so lucky. He also had pneumonia in his right lung but his physician decided on a swifter course of treatment and gave him an antibiotic shoot in the ass. I got lucky. I managed to get through most of the week with a fever of around 101.

Now, the kiddo is coughing again and complaining her ear hurts.

Honestly, wtf? Was this mild Winter to blame for this rash of bad medical juju? Should we hope for three feet of snow, sub arctic temperatures, and hope for the best?

Ridiculous.

Avoiding the Plague Like... The Plague

Last week, my four year old had a double ear infection and the stomach flu, which tells me one thing.  It must be January.   At least this year, we have insurance, so she's on the mend.  This is good because you never want to see your kid so sick that she has fallen asleep with her hand on her arm dangling over the toilet sleep.  She was so sick throughout that night.

This weekend my wife also started to complain of her ear hurting and then, boom, stomach flu.  So, if she should wonder why I spent most of the weekend in the man cave, finishing up Dead Island, which coincidentally is about a resort that gets hit with an infectious disease that makes everyone become zombies, there's your answer.  I don't want the stomach flu.

I had it a few years back over Valentine's Day.   This year's bout was over my wife's birthday and Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  See, we don't do well with holidays.   I was determined to not get it.   At least, I was hoping that if I did, in fact, get it, it would be before having to go back to work.   So far, so good, but my ear started hurting yesterday.  I've had an insatiable appetite, though.   I guess that's great because I'd rather have a full stomach than be dry heaving.  Let's hope I'm not coming down with any cravings for raw meat...


Brraaiinns!

I've Got A Bad Feeling About This

Changing jobs is never easy. I don’t care whether you previously worked for The Empire, it isn’t an easy decision. Can you imagine coming up in the Imperial ranks and getting your first deployment orders?

“Gary, congratulations, you’re going to be stationed on the Death Star. Isn’t that awesome?”

“Gee, I don’t know. Frank was on the first one for a month and it blew up.”

“Yeah, but that’s all been fixed. No more exhaust port that’s two meters wide. You’ll be safe.”

“Well, that’s good. Then the Rebels can’t find a way in and blow it up. It’s all solid.”
“Well, not quite. There’s a lot of exterior structure that has to be put on the thing, but it’s completely safe for the time being.”

“Wait, you mean there’s big holes in the thing?”

“Yes, but it’s shielded. There’s this big moon and it has a shield generator on it. It will protect you for the two months it’s going to take to get the outside done.”
“Yeah, but could that shield fail?”

“What? No! Well, there is a small chance that the local natives will get a little antsy and attack, us but they don’t have any real weapons.”

“Could the Rebels join up with them and blow up the shield generator?"

“I don’t want to say, no. I mean the last time someone guaranteed victory was Moff Tarkin and well… Let’s just say it was a beautiful… closed casket… service.”

“I quit.“

I’m not equating my old job to working on the Death Star. I’m comparing, rather poorly I might add, the situation of working in an environment where there is a significant window for something to go wrong with the second Death Star. [crickets]

Still not getting it?

OK, from the day I started until the first of March, I have no medical benefits. Now, I could take Cobra for that time being but that would be a two month prepay of benefits, plus 20% more on any services I need. In March, I would end up having double coverage that would make Hines Ward ineffective. Granted, it’s a look back process. I would have to decide by 45 days after I was last covered, which will be March 1st. I would have to pay by February 20th. So, you’re betting against yourself.

But in the world of the Ewoks and the Empire, I’d take that bet. Since January 10th, my kid has had the stomach flu twice, had a double ear infection and pink eye, been to the doctors twice, and been on antibiotics. She hasn’t been to the doctors for a few months.

It’s Murphy’s Law or a band of Rebels with a bunch of teddy bears taking down your shield generator so that the invasion can commence, blowing up Death Star 2.0.

So, the lesson here is, “Get coverage from you old job to your new one, if you can, or seal yourself off in a giant bubble and wait it out.”

May the force be with you, with a reasonable deductible.

Remember Remember the 6th of November

I haven't lost my coconuts. I meant that number 6 in the title. Yesterday was, duh, November 5th, Guy Fawkes Day or as you kids today call him, that guy from V from Vendetta. Anyway, I had my Facebook status set to the rhyme of Guy Fawkes as I always like to be either A: Obscure in my pop culture referencing nature or B: Relative to the actual events of the time I post it. This being November 5th, I was sort of both, I guess.

But now, it's November 6th or as I call it, my anniversary. Five years ago, today, I wore down my then fiancee enough to say "I do." Since then, she's been saying "I DOH!" So, for today's status update I did a little rhyme all my own.

Remember, Remember, the 6th of November
of wedding bells and tying of knot.
Here's to 5 kiddo. You'd surely be a widow,
if ever, our anniversary, I forgot.

Please, please no applause needed. Kidding.

So, people have asked me what I plan on doing for our anniversary. Well, I've never been one to keep up with traditions like this. We made a pact early on in our marriage to not go crazy for days like this or Valentine's Day. Neither one of us have the energy for it. I think we've only done two or three things for either of those days in our entire tenure as a couple.

The first was Valentine's Day of 1999. My wife was still a student at Seton Hill University and I was just some old college grad that hung around with these kids. However, they were willing to play ball with me in one endeavor. I asked one of the group that we used to run with to help me in a plot to surprise my girl. She would be busy until later in the evening so I had plenty of time to gather up my stuff and spring my plan into action.

I stowed away in one of the parlor's outside of Cecilian Hall and set up a table and chairs, complete with table cloth, candles, flatware, silverware, and my trusty boom box. Then I went and placed a to go order with a local restaurant that she and I liked. I went and picked up the food and brought it back, all with the blessing of security, thanks to one of our group of friends. My wife came into the parlor and was taken back. She was always a bit shy around me even after months of dating. She could never look me in the eye. Now, I have that problem, usually because I'm trouble. Still we had a nice romantic dinner for two in a beautifully designed space, complete with candlelight and mood music.

Skip ahead a few years...more like five...to our first Valentine's Day in our home. My wife sprung the surprise on me by doing up our family room with candles and music, complete with takeout Chinese food for dinner. Trust me, this is just fine by me. I thought it was an awesome form of reciprocation.

As for our anniversary we really don't do that much. The most we ever did was go out to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse and then spent the night at the Holiday Inn next Shadyside UPMC Hospital which was real nice. That time we had the help of my Mother-in-Law and her partner in crime at work to arrange for the reservation through our travel department at work. It's nice to have friends in high places. It was a pretty spectacular room.

But being a milestone like number five, we thought we would indulge a little bit. However, having a two year old makes it a little hard to get away for a night. We can only rely on babysitters so much and we have been burning the candle at both ends with help since we are trying to save up some money for the holidays by taking on extra work.

Still, I figure we can at least go out for an evening and make it home for bath time. That's why we plan on recreating our honeymoon for our fifth anniversary. My wife is going to be deathly ill with a cold and I'm going to attempt to smuggle duty free whiskey across the Canadian border into the U.S. We're already half way there. My wife's had strep throat and been under the weather for a few weeks now.

To give a small explanation of what I'm talking about, let's step in the way back machine and travel to 2004. Monday, November 8th to be exact. After out wedding we loaded up the best damn car on the planet, my 1997 Chevy Cavalier, and drove from Pittsburgh to Niagara Falls. I booked us a room at the Embassy Suites overlooking the falls. They must have been hard up for guests because they were nice enough to upgrade us to the Jr. something suite complete with free valet parking. We also got free buffet breakfast at the KEG restaurant and complimentary manager's reception cocktails in the afternoon. It was rather posh for a couple of goofs like us who were used to the Gazebo Inn in Myrtle Beach for $99.00 a night.

We had a two room suite with living room and nice huge bathroom with a door that opened above the jacuzzi tub so that you could look out the big ass window and see the falls. Not to mention I loved the shower in that place. It was the kinds with it's own room and you just walked into it and it had jets in the walls. Besides the electric fireplace in the room we had a nice big television and one of the coolest channels, the falls' view channel.

Well, after our first night there, my wife got extremely sick and congested and spent most of our stay in the other room among a pile of tissues. I was already to go out and gamble our wedding reception haul away at the casinos but we ended up spending most of our time in our hotel asking around for a pharmacy in the area. In all, we had a pretty decent time and I ended up winning about $50 on Spanish 21.

On our way home we came all the way through to Buffalo and forgot to stop and exchange our money. So, I had to drive back into Canada and stop at the Duty Free store right over the border. Picked up a few items of interest and then headed home.

This weekend, liquor aside, I think we'll head down to the new Casino in Pittsburgh and have a nice dinner but my wife will probably be chasing hers with some Robitussin. Should be a fun time in the steel town tonight.