WUMF: May 2013 Edition

STOP THE PRESSES!  He has a WUMF out on time!

Yes, don’t let it fool you.  I’ll be back to my lazy, procrastinating ways in a month.  But, for now, enjoy this WUMF on time.

YouTube Report

OK, so it’s been about four months since I began the YouTube thing and it’s still very much a work in progress.   I can, however, report that I have finally seen some positive analytics.   I AM ON MY WAY TO MAKING $0.28!!!!!!  

I have only Dead Island Riptide’s lag to thank for that.     I bought and played the original on PS3, but thought it would be a great way to get some views by playing the new one on PC and recording it.   Well, I was wrong.   FRAPS and DI:R are not a good mix for smooth FPS.  The video lagged so bad I thought I was in a reject bullet time sequence from a Bollywood version of the Matrix.

Instead of putting up a playthrough of me whacking zombies with household objects, I put up an angry rant at how bad the lag was and it has been one of the most viewed videos out of my entire collection.  So, I shifted  my focus away from straight playing and onto stuff like tips for recording old school games.   I put out a couple of one off videos of me playing with no dialogue and only music.   It harkened back to my days as a videographer in high school, when I would put together music videos, finding the right music to match the montage.   It felt familiar and fun again.

But, I just don’t have the time to do all that.  So, I continue to play games, but I am trying to spotlight more indie games than big name companies.   Helping out the little guy seems to be a good way to gain karma in the online world.   So, I’ll keep doing a regular mix of big name and little name gameplay videos.

OBX Fire Safety Week

I just want to remind you all that next week is mandatory Fire Safety Training in the OBX.  For those of you unsure of what that means.  Here you go.   And then, the cops showed up...

Seeing as how I now have a YouTube channel, maybe I’ll do a vlog this year.  Maybe.  No one wants to see the big ugly mug in 1080 HD, I’m sure.

Stanley Cup Playoffs.

Let’s Go Pens.  That is all.

Facebook

People.  Please.  For the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, stop believing everything you read on Facebook.   No one will share their mythical Powerball winnings with you.    That picture won’t do something spectacular if you share or like it.   All your good deeds, here on Earth, will not be negated by scrolling past that picture of Jesus.  Just stop.  STOP!

WUMF: March 2013 Edition

I know. I know.  I missed another WUMF Deadline.

<insert Blues Brothers’ quote>

Truth is, I had the plague at my house since last week.  So, everything today revolves around that issue.

The Streak

The Pens finally lost, ending their streak at 15.   Now, if you are scratching your nugget, trying to figure out how that info equates to me being sick, realize that I was unable to eat anything for three days, and I did my own laundry last night to spare my wife the ick factor.   I’ll let your mind wander on that one for a bit.

Yeah, I went there.

OK, so the Pens lost.  The world has not come to a screeching halt, people.   We are still in it to win it.   The Pens losing signifies one thing.  They are human.  They have rough outings.  They have three people out with injuries.  Now, at least two radio stations summed up the reasons the Pens lost included the lack of Paul Martin.  That makes some of my friends twitch a little, but when you figure that LeTang is also one of the injured, you have to realize that without LeTang, all you have is Martin… and without Martin you have even less and that is saying a lot.

The Pens will be fine and this will give them some perspective towards that goal of hoisting and toasting Lord Stanley.  The pressure is now off of them for the rest of the season to be perfect.  They just need to be great as we know they can be.  They can play smart  hockey and not balls deep, blazing, hockey as if the fate of the world rests on a one timer from Sidney Crosby.  

The addition of Jarome Iginla was pretty sweet.  There is a level of gravitas this team now has with these editions.  I think the only Captains were missing are America and Morgan.   Shero probably has that on his list of things to do before the deadline.  Which is now at least 2 hours old.  But if anyone can make a trade beyond it, it’s Ray Shero.  I think he managed to trade a shoddy bomb casing full of used pinball parts for some plutonium for his time machine.

The Buccos

Once again, it shouldn’t be hard to make the connection between them and what I was doing all weekend.   They lost their home opener.  Let’s start the 21^st season off right and not have any expectations.   Mr.  Shero, meet Mr. Nutting.  Mr. Nutting, meet Mr. Shero.  Now, the two of you stay locked in this room until Nutting understands how to put together a team, not a business model.

This Illness

So, yeah, I had it.  I don’t know what it was, but it was bad.  Sunday morning I woke up a little fuzzy.  By the middle of the day, I made the decision to not eat anything.  I wasn’t vomiting, but I was in the bathroom every 20 minutes.  At its worst, my fever was 101.3.  I managed to drink some water and eat Italian Ices.    That sucked huge time because Easter dinner is one of my favorite holiday meals next to New Year’s.   We have ham, kielbasa, sirecz (Hunky Easter Cheese), corn casserole, and sweet potato casserole. 

I called off Monday and finally had some toast in the afternoon.  That was the turning point, I thought.   I was fine, with no incidences all day.  Even went out to dinner with my family and had a steak sandwich and fries.

That was my biggest mistake.  I was up at 4AM, then at 4:30.  Then at 4:55 and 5:55AM.   I opted to work from home and after a magnificent feast of toast, water, and another year old Italian Ice, I was fine again.   For dinner, I took it easy, having some chicken noodle soup, pineapple, watermelon, and Jello.  

Today, I’m back to full strength.  And the only silver lining was that I lost 6 lbs. during the week.  That brings my total from December 20^th to today to 34 lbs. lost.  I haven’t done any exercise yet.  LOL.  I know it’s coming, though.

YouTube

I’ve been posting videos, weekly, to TheAngryCast and viewership is anemic.  I admit, I was hoping there would be a jump after I expanded to SimCity Playthroughs and The Design It series.   But, it’s still only a month in and I need to refine my processes.   I will say that I had to make another expenditure.   I managed to chew through 560gb of hard drive space in a month, so I bought a 1 Tb drive off Amazon for $80.   Now, I can move all my raw footage to date to the drive and keep the laptop hard drive for stuff I’m currently working on.    I better hurry because Dead Island Riptide is coming.   The connection… walking dead is what I was this weekend.

Like a Boss

So, here I was stuck in my house eating toast and year old Italian Ices, drinking water and avoiding dairy and people all be mixing it up and getting arrested while standing in line for free cakes in Market Square.  And, from what I heard, police were called to stop fights in line. What the hell?

Seriously, some drunk guy stole a case of cakes from the Cake Boss giveaway while people from North Carolina drove up here and stood in line since 7AM to get one.

Again, people, I ATE TOAST AND DRANK WATER FOR THREE DAYS.   And when I didn’t, I paid for it dearly.

How friggin’ good are these cakes?  Oh yeah, they’re free. 

I don’t watch the show and quite frankly, I wouldn’t stand in line for a free pizza let alone a cake.  I’d rather stand in line and pay for something from The Oakmont Bakery or Moio’s.  

And how bad does that make Pittsburgh look?  We get all these awards for livable city and tech jobs and sports and we can’t handle free cake lines?  Portland is telling us to suck it.

Sports in Bizarro Burgh

Maybe the Mayans were right.

Let’s see… We had the Pirates cock tease for another season… this time, making it past the All Star Break with an above .500 record. We actually thought… “Screw winning season, I smell division leader… nay… PLAYOFFS!” Then, another 19 inning game crushed our souls like a can in a compactor. The team fell down the chute of our board game minds. They picked the lollipop card in Candyland and had to go all the way back to the beginning. But… we still had Penguins Hockey and Steelers Football, right? RIGHT?!?!?

Training camp rolled around and our new offensive line was set. Finally, we had better protection for Ben and more holes to create for RBs. But… Mike Wallace was nowhere in sight. He wasn’t in Latrobe. He wasn’t in Pittsburgh. He was home, sitting on his couch, wearing his helmet, and reading his playbook… hoping for more money. He waited. Training started. He waited. The pre season started. He waited. Three pre season games passed. He finally showed up. We played Denver. Oh, yeah, we lost some of our shiny new toys in the early games. We also broke some of our others… *cough*Troy *cough*

But not to fear, Mike Wallace came in and made touch downs and amazing plays… and who needs training camp… and pre season? Soon those sentiments were replaced with, “Who needs to learn how to catch the ball, first?”

We lost to bad teams like Oakland and Tennessee… we squeaked by in Kansas City… We lost our starting quarterback…. He went out with a shoulder sprain that could puncture his aorta? Was that what I heard? I’m kidding, of course. So, in comes the cannon that is Byron Leftwich. The guy who was supposed to start in Ben’s absence during his four game suspension… only to break his arm in pre season, that year.

On his first play during the KC game, he throws to NOBODY and ends up ass over tin cup on the ground. Who’s his backup? Not Charlie Batch, mister reliable. Mister “I can manage a game while never making you believe I can either win it or lose it on one play rather I will do my best and that’s pretty damn good”. Mister, “I’ve been in this league a long time and bailed your asses out, and yet you still put me down in the depth chart only to come and ask for my help, but I will never be resentful because I am a true gentleman”. That guy. He was inactive. So… who was our emergency QB? I knew who he would have been last year… Hines Ward. The guy we got rid of and then waited for Mike Wallace to finally show up.

For Sunday’s game against Baltimore… the emergency guy is Heath Miller. I would rather have Heath play QB than Leftwich at this point. At least he can move. He may not have a cannon that can throw the ball into the parking lot on the off chance a receiver happens to be there waiting… but he isn’t the Tin Woodsman in the pocket that takes 20 minutes to throw the ball. Now, Ben does take a long time, but that’s play development, not the act of throwing the ball.

When I saw the schedule this year and noted that we had three divisional games in a row: Baltimore, Cleveland, and Baltimore, I knew we were in trouble. I predicted something like 7-9 or 9-7 due to what I perceived to be a rough schedule. Denver was getting Manning… we lost to them in the playoffs but still, the Ninety-Six Million Dollar Manning is always a problem at QB. Beyond that, look at our back half of the schedule: Baltimore, Cleveland, Baltimore, San Diego, Dallas, Cincinnati, Cleveland.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking. Dallas and San Diego suck, and Cleveland… pffft alleasy games.

We were supposed to have killed Oakland and Kansas City… and Tennessee was supposed to be manageable. San Diego scares me…because they are a bad team… and possibly… so are we. My prediction stands…. 9-7…or 7-9… hopefully, I’m wrong… except in the case of 8-8.



At least there’s hockey….


GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY!

PAXBurgh: Pittsburgh, Make It So!

See, I’m thinking here. I’m thinking how to make things awesomer…? More awesome-y? whatever. Suck it, haters.

Anyway, a friend of mine is going to PAX in Boston this year and I thought, “How cool would it be if Pittsburgh hosted it?”

First of all, it has to be better than getting Anthrocon. I’m sure guest services at the Wyndham would rather hear, “I need ample room for my XBoxes” instead of “I need ample room for my litter boxes.”

Second of all, think of the tie ins you could have. We have the biggest Pinball museum just west of the city. Another perfect tie in, Mario Lemieux. He’s called “Super Mario” after all. And…. We could use his TV outside the Consol for streaming of games. Also, why not have the Pittsburgh Cultural Trust book PLAY! A Video Game Symphony for the same week just after or before the convention as to not cripple the downtown area or take away from either. They’ve done it here before.

Pittsburgh is lacking a viable gaming scene yet we are a burgeoning film location. With Batman, One Shot, and countless other films being done in the area we have our own film studio in 31st Street Studios. Why not leverage them for motion capture work on video games. Fallout 3 had an addon that was set in Pittsburgh. The highly anticipated Story of Us takes place in Pittsburgh. It’s time. You could tie in a live Angry Birds demonstration sponsored by The Carnegie Science Center with launching Penguins at what’s left of the Civic Arena. Set up a Mario Kart tourney in Schenley Park ala Pittsburgh Gran Prix. Blue Shell takes you out at Phipps, right into the Columbus statue.  Bazinga!

With The Art Institute and CMU in the area there should be enough of a video game demographic to warrant this from both the designer and player side. We’re bent on being the best at everything on every list. Why not go full tilt Technophile Video Game Geek? We pull this off and we’re not just telling Portland to suck. We’re telling Seattle to suck it. [Credit goes to That’s Church for that phrase.]

Now, Pittsburgh make it so. PAXBurgh! I’m available for a planning job. Just promise me a nominal pay and all access to the event.

PAXBurgh. Come on! It’s there for the taking, like a shiny coin sprung from a question mark block. 

WUMF: September Edition

Ugh, it’s Fall. It’s also the end of September and that means it’s time for another WUMF.

Oktoberfest
It’s that time of year, if you don’t have enough excuses to drink beer, whether it be New Year’s, St. Patrick’s Day,… Tuesday. In any case, I’m having another beer swap at work and wanted to tell you about it.

Now we had one a couple of months ago which was geared more towards wheats and whites. I brought Penn Brewery’s Summer Berry Wheat. Others included Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat, Ithaca Apricot Wheat and Victory’s Moonglow Weizenbock. Overall, I wasn’t as impressed as the first round of our swap, which promoted Craft Beer Week.

For this one, I’m bringing Victory’s Festbier and hopefully, I’ll be introduced to some more great beers. Also, in Denver, the Great American Beer Festival is taking place.  This all got me to thinking.

Craft beers are nothing new. They’ve been around for a long time. And maybe it’s just because I’ve been recently exposed to the culture and didn’t notice it. Maybe I’m like someone who discovers that the little arrow next to the gas pump icon on your dashboard indicates which side the cap is on and thinks that I’ve discovered the cure for cancer and must share my wisdom with everyone. My point is that it seems like the craft beer industry is hitting a upward trend and I wonder why that is. After all, we are not exactly in the best economy and here we are spending a little more on beers than say Miller Lite and Budweiser.

Perhaps it’s a solidarity thing. After Anheuser-Busch was acquired by Belgium’s InBev it seemed like one of the last great American products was gone. They (InBev) laid off over 1000 workers and gave executives stock options that were potentially worth millions. It was a slap in the face to the American way of life… outside of Wall Street, that is. Maybe the craft beer industry is a way to get back at that offense. We’ll spend more money on locally brewed beers than throw money at companies who don’t stay inside the US. Or… it could be that craft beers, on the whole, are better than Budweiser.

Gambling in Pittsburgh
Last weekend, one of my friends from back in the day came to visit and stay with me and the misses and the monster. He and his girlfriend camped out in my recently emptied, but not renovated Red Room and we took in some gaming. On Saturday, we went to Dave and Buster’s for lunch and then in the evening we hit the Rivers Casino. Now, my buddy is a gamer in the sense that he loves poker and shoots a lot of pool for tournaments. He had been down from Williamsport area before to see the newly opened Pittsburgh casino and only had the option of playing video poker. Table games hadn’t come about, yet. This time around he headed for the Poker Room and we didn’t see him for about an hour. Meanwhile, I needed a dry run for next month when I go to Vegas… long story, there.

Anyway, since the regular table games were packed, at least there were no seats at the $10 table, which is almost too rich for my blood, I opted for playing slots with my wife and my buddy’s girlfriend. We hit the ATM before playing and took out $100. That was our limit. I gave my wife $50 and I took $50. She dropped $12 into the slot machines and came up with nothing. I dropped $20 into some of the more traditional slots and saw it dwindle to about $7.00. I took that over to another slot machine called Jungle Wild, I think, and coupled it with a $0.35 credit slip I found laying around and decided to just blow the rest of the $20 I started with on slots.

The Jungle Wild machine had a feature where you could get five free spins and that paid off in spades. My wife usually plays the minimum bet because she likes it simple. Me, I take the maximum number of combinations for a single cost per line. I managed to get the five free spins and turned my $7.35 into $38.26. Not bad. I then spent about twenty minutes watching people at the $10 Black Jack table, waiting for an opening. Finally, I got to sit down next to this little old Asian lady who didn’t speak English that much. I bought in for $40 and figured I’d be done in about 20 minutes. I say that because on my first hand, I had double aces. I split that and ended up with an A3 and another double ace. Now, I made a huge mistake because I meant to say, no more splitting… which I think you can’t do anyway. However, I made the sign for ‘Stay’ and was left with 14 and 12 against a dealer showing a King. DOH! I could potentially had another $20 added to my stack. For all us amateurs, it pays to learn a bit about gambling. Don’t be a Yinzer who wanders into the casino after a Pitt/Notre Dame game and has no clue how to play the tables. Know what the signs are and know what the rules are. It will help you. Like I said, this was a dry run for Vegas.

Anyway, after about a half hour they announced that they were raising the table to $15 which was more than I was willing to spend on a hand. So, I figured I’d play out the table minimum and leave once it changed. My little old lady friend even threw me a dollar chip to put on the Natural 20 spot which I told her not to do because it seems like a sucker bet. My buddy and the girls showed up and I handed my wife $40 in chips. I said, don’t lose those. Meanwhile, I had $40 on the table, still. I was doing pretty well and I should have left at that point. My buddy was not so lucky. He sank $100 at the Poker Room and his girlfriend sunk $100 in slots.

Once I lost the chips I had on the table, I walked away even. My buddy had a couple of dollars left and I told him to hit the slot machine I had done earlier. He put in a dollar and in one $0.80 spin, he got the five free ones which turned his dollar into $90. Not bad for dropping $100 on poker.

In all, we ended up spending $2 of our money and that’s just fine by me. I have no delusions about making a fortune at the casino. I just like to have fun.



The Pirates
Speaking of losing your shirt. Boy, what happened there? 72-90 record. Better luck next year and thanks for raising prices.  Maybe, one day, you could lose on purpose, likeYankees do.

The Steelers
I don’t know what to think here. I’m a diehard fan but I’m beginning to believe there is something to be said for the Super Bowl hangover theory. Maybe the lack of an offseason has lead to a gelling problem for the team but the offensive line is in shambles, there are far more injuries this year, across the league even, and it’s not even October. Someone put Troy Polumalu in bubble wrap until January. Once again, the fines or lack thereof in some cases are ridiculous. Haynesworth has yet to receive a suspension for violating the conduct policy… something that Roethlisberger got six games for allegedly doing, yet he was never charged. Hmm, could it be that Haynesworth plays for New England. Couldn’t be, right? Goodell has probably burned all the security footage of the incident with the same match as the Spygate tapes.

The Penguins
We got Malkin back on the ice and it’s nice to know he’s back to producing. Let’s hope Sid gets back soon and in the best shape he can be in for the season. I know he’s been subjected to a lot of criticism of the years and it just screams justification over this concussion thing. But you know what? The people who criticize Crosby are the same ones who’ve never dealt with that kind of thing before. There are people who have come forward and said that their quality of life was reduced dramatically after a concussion and not even one obtained in the manner that Crosby got his. You don’t mess with that kind of thing and let’s hope there is no long term damage. The kid’s not even 30 yet.



Take care and we’ll see you next month.

WUMF: June Edition

Is it summer, already? Is it the end of June, already? Is it time for another WUMF, already? Yes x 3.

The Beach
At the beginning of the month I went to the OBX and I promise a longer post about being in the 4 x 4 section. Needless to say, if you have plans to go on vacation and you have a four wheel drive vehicle, check out Carova Beach. You won’t be disappointed.

Jagrwatch
What the hell is happening in Pittsburgh? The Pirates are a game over .500 and there is a possibility that Jaromir Jagr could play for the Penguins. There’s also still a lockout. If blood starts flowing out of the point, and pigeons fall from the sky, I wouldn’t be surprised. Actually, I don’t even know when the point fountain is going to be back on. I drive within sight of it every day and the last time I saw water in the fountain was when we were underwater back in the end of winter. Anyways, the whole thing with Jagr is nuts. He’s got an offer from Detroit. Does he? He’s got an offer from Pittsburgh. Has he accepted?

His plane got diverted from landing at JFK by fornicating turtles. Apparently, there was around 100 turtles on the runway, getting it on. Airport staff moved them and then the TSA detained four of them for brandishing ninja like weapons. [sing songy] Teenage Humping Runway Turtles, effing at the airport, for an hour [/sing songy]


2011 Angry Mongo Summer Giveaway
A couple of weeks ago, I ran a giveaway through my store blog. It was a summer themed contest sparked by the notion that summer is now here and it’s time to enjoy the BBQ and vacation and the warm weather. Well, those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, anyway. So, I dug into the movie vault and found three classics; One Crazy Summer, The Great Outdoors, and Meatballs. I threw in a shirt, inspired by one of the movies. I lightly placed a Doodle Speaker with the M.A.M.S logo in the box along with some other goodies and announced to the world that the #AngryMongoSummer giveaway was on like Donkey Kong.

After a week of tweeting, posting, and commenting about their favorite vacation spots, the list of entries was narrowed down to one random winner. Joby Franczek, also known as The Bald Fat Guy on the interwebs was my big winner and should soon be getting his care package. Thanks for entering and congratulations.

S#!t My Kid Says
I’m fat. I get it. I’ve been trying to knock off the pounds and I still haven’t forgot my little counter up there. Still working on it. However, once in awhile, my kid reminds me of how much I dwarf her in size. After work, one day, I was in my bedroom getting changed into my comfortable attire and was just finishing on putting on a pair of shorts. I didn’t so much as struggle to button them as I gently fastened them as to not rip the button right off of the shorts. My kid seeing me do this, looks at me while I’m holding my breath and says, “Daddy, is that hard to do?”
“Yes, dear, it is. That is why you don’t get a third glass of bunny milk.” (Nestle Quik)





That’s all I got for this month. Rock on!

20th Anniversary of the Penguins First Stanley Cup: Where were you?

This is a day late, but I wanted to get this on the record for posterity.

Yesterday, while driving home and listening to 93.7FM, the question was posed.  What was the most memorable Pittsburgh championship in your mind?

There are so many to choose from.   The 1960 World Series win against the Yankees is up there for sure.  But the memory that stands out the most was 20 years ago, when the Pittsburgh Penguins won their first Stanley Cup against the Minnesota North Stars.   I included an excerpt from a post I did when the Penguins won their last cup in 2009.

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I was a sophomore in high school and on May 25th, I was at a graduation party at the Indian Creek Valley Community Center in Indian Head, PA. Now, as a sophomore, one doesn’t expect to be attending a lot of graduation parties for his/her classmates. I was one of those weird cases where I spent a lot more time hanging out with the upperclassmen than my own grade. It was my first high school graduation party for a non relative and it was also my first taste of underage drinking beer at a party.

As kids, we all had our moments of sneaking a drink from our parents’ liquor cabinets or our Dad giving us a sip of beer during a Steelers’ Game, but this was the first real opportunity for me to partake in celebratory libations. I wasn’t even supposed to be driving a car after midnight at this point in my life. Luckily, I got a ride to this party because I was in no shape to drive by the end of the night, or so I thought.

This was 1991, a few years before the availability of big screen viewings of events via LCD projectors and the like. Those kinds of resources were for business meetings and sports bars. I was in a Community Center nestled in the foot hills of Western Pennsylvania. We had car radios to keep us posted on the NHL action. We made as many trips to the cars to get an update as we did the keg to get more beer. By the end of the second period we were all feeling pretty buzzed and our inebriation was directly proportional to our confidence in Pittsburgh winning the series. It was a foregone conclusion that Pittsburgh was going to win this game. After trading wins through the first four games, Pittsburgh picked up momentum in Game Five with a 6-4 win over the North Stars in Pittsburgh. Now all that was needed was another win in Game Six at the Met Center in Minnesota. The Pens were up 7 nothing and it looked hopeless for the North Stars.

Wait?!? Did Jimmy Paek just score? The Korean guy just scored his only goal of the playoffs? Are you kidding me? Scratch that, it was hopeless. No offense to Jimmy, he is one of my favorites and that’s not being condescending. As the first of only two Korean players in the NHL, he is the first Korean to have his name engraved on the Stanley Cup and he has his sweater hanging in the Hockey Hall of Fame to honor that. Not bad. You have to respect that.

As I sat in the cab of a friend’s truck and cheered in a drunken state at the sound of the Pens winning their first Stanley Cup, ever, I was given some sobering news. The beer we had been pounding, heavily all night, causing us to run around like jackasses, whooping it up over a hockey game, was non-alcoholic. Immediately, the crowed stopped stumbling and started walking around, normally. A few us tested out our blood alcohol level with a self given, field sobriety test, just to make sure. Throughout this whole evening, we were only drunk on hockey and toasted the winning Pittsburgh Penguins with another cup of O’Douls.

WUMF: April Edition

End of April already?

WOW.  That means another Edition of WUMF is in order. For those of you just tuning in, smack yo selves!

I’ll wait. Make it a good one.

There. Better?

OK, like I said, for those of you just tuning in, WUMF stands for What’s Up My Friends. Basically, this is me just phoning in a post at the end of the month that ties up some loose stuff that happened which didn’t constitute a full post or at least didn’t happen because I was lazy.

1. Mother Nature Just Made the D-Bag Awards Ballot
This past month’s weather has been ridiculous and coupled with last month’s tornado here in my area, Mother Nature has secured her place on the D-Bag of the Year awards for 2011. Between the Earthquake and Tsunami in Japan, the tornadoes that ripped through the south and especially the one mile wide EF5 Tornado that just engulfed Tuscaloosa Alabama there is mounting evidence that Mother Nature is pissed off this year.

2. Hooked on Phonics and Beer Works For My Kid
Last month my kid’s KinderCare teacher sent home a progress report stating that she has not been mastering such concepts like creativity or spelling. After putting aside the ‘My kid is a genius, you’re wrong!’ mentality, I began questioning my daughter on why she doesn’t seem to be showing how smart she is in school.

Her answers amounted to, “I don’t like answering the teacher when she asks me those questions.” That tells me that she knows the answers but just doesn’t want to be an organ grinder monkey and perform on cue.

First, her creativity and ability to solve problems in a creative manner shone through this Easter as she decorated the house, on her own using an empty Scooby-Doo Rohgurt box and a Silly Bandz to create a hanging decoration. She realized that the open flap of the box wouldn’t hang on the nail, so she attached the Silly Bandz as a way to hang on the nail.

Next we worked on letters and numbers. We’ve been working in a book that has all kinds of activities surrounding letters and numbers. She does a pretty mean connect the dots exercise, calling out all the letters and numbers by name. However, the most impressive feat of intelligence was being able to spell “Pittsburgh”, “Steelers”, and “Moosehead” from the various signs around the restaurant/bar that we often go to for dinner. We didn’t even have to prompt her. She willingly says, “That is spelled…” So, it’s not that she’s dumb. She would rather do it on her own time… at the bar.

3. Golf Season starts for the Penguins
Last night was a frustrating loss at the hands of the Tampa Bay Lightning. Considering how the Pens got to the playoffs after losing Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin to injuries and Matt Cooke to stupidity I can say that they really did perform beyond expectations. This is a team that found a way to win during the regular season with so many issues. However, when you get to playoff hockey, you need a little more. They just didn’t have it. Haters will say, “Kovalev did nothing.” “Neal underperformed.” “Fleury fell apart.” “The fans lost faith.” And there is some truth to that. But the reality is that this team did way more than it should have done, given its makeup and they were playing with House Money.

Tampa Bay is not a Stanley Cup winning team, this year. They aren’t. But they were better than the Pens and managed to overcome a three game deficit and win. 

Game Sevens are notoriously bad luck for the Pens and yet it should never have come to that. Fleury shares some blame for that but the scoring was just not there. You cannot expect a team to go into a playoff run without having the ability to score on the Power Play. For as much blame as there is to be heaped on Fleury, who played awesomely during Game Seven, there is just as much blame to be placed on the offense. Now, Fleury did fall for that play behind the net leading to Tampa Bay’s only score of the game. We saw that in Game Si. But the defense should have picked up the blind spot and let Fleury try to follow the puck if they happened to not pull off that move and wrap around the front.

Finally, it was not meant to be. Believing this team could win a Stanley Cup was wishful thinking, at best. It is a better thing that they would not have had to face The Caps in round two, because the disappointment would have been all that much greater. There would have been hopes that Crosby would have come back to square off against Ovie and had he not, it would have crushed the city that much more. Let him take the off season to fully recover from the concussions and we’ll try again next year.   Just do me a favor, powers that be, do not schedule Pensguins' playoff hockey games on the same night as Pirates games.  It seems that every time the Pirates would win, the Pens would lose.  Pittsburgh has somehow fallen off its axis and PAT buses, all three of them have started sliding up the sides of skyscrapers, Inception style.

4.  Bailey, Pick Up Line One
Some outfit with the University of Chicago keeps calling my house to do a survey about kids. After the first couple of times of getting no messages on my machine I called them back. I asked them to take my number off the list and they said sure. They promptly called two more times the next week. I answered one of them and asked them again to remove my number from their list. They promptly called me two more times this week.

My daughter got a tape recorder for Easter. My mother read a bunch of books and recorded her voice to tape for my kid to play and read along. While this may seem like a totally unrelated piece of useless information, I plan on putting a blank tape in the recorder and waiting until the next time the bastards call back. Then, I’ll let my kid answer the phone and record the call from the phone in the other room. Hilarity will ensue and maybe they’ll get the point.

Here’s to May.



Hey Bartender, Lord Stanley Needs a Refill

Just a quick bartender joke for Friday.   This one has made the rounds as a Facebook Status Update, which is where I stole it from, and gets the all around "Awesome Possum Award" for the day.

A guy walks into a bar and orders an Ovechkin.

Bartender says 'Whats an Ovechkin?'

Guy says 'It's a white Russian without a Cup.'

Let's go PENS!!!!  Game 1 against the Habs tonight!!!!

Pittsburgh Penguins Make the Impossible Probable

OMG! There, I’ve used my txtspk quota for the day. I couldn’t believe what I witnessed on Friday. I was in the Outer Banks on vacation for the majority of the series but caught the first four games at the house we were staying at. Game Five was the 5-0 shutout in Detroit and I only caught the tail end of that when we were about an hour away from home on the PA Turnpike. Game Six we watched the tail end of on Tuesday night after going out for dinner and that was a nail biter of a 2-1 victory in Pittsburgh. Nothing could have prepared me for what was going to unfold in Detroit on Friday night. The odds were stacked heavily in The Red Wings' favor. No hockey team has ever won Game Seven of a Stanley Cup Series on the road. As far as Major League teams in North American sports the last time this happened was in Major League Baseball and that was the 1979 Pittsburgh Pirates in Baltimore for Game Seven of the World Series. That’s 30 years ago. This kind of thing just doesn’t happen a lot. The NBA has yet to do it now that LA has beaten Orlando in only five games for the championship and we don't have a team so...go figure.

The other thing that hasn’t happened in a long time is Pittsburgh winning the Stanley Cup. The last time that happened was 1992, 17 years ago, against the Chicago Blackhawks in a 4-0 series shellacking. I was a junior in high school. The previous year was Pittsburgh’s first Stanley Cup victory over the Minnesota North Stars, now Dallas Stars, in a 4-2 series. I remember Game Six of that series, very, very, well.

I was a sophomore in high school and on May 25th, I was at a graduation party at the Indian Creek Valley Community Center in Indian Head, PA. Now, as a sophomore, one doesn’t expect to be attending a lot of graduation parties for his/her classmates. I was one of those weird cases where I spent a lot more time hanging out with the upperclassmen than my own grade. It was my first high school graduation party for a non relative and it was also my first taste of underage drinking beer at a party.

As kids, we all had our moments of sneaking a drink from our parents’ liquor cabinets or our Dad giving us a sip of beer during a Steelers’ Game, but this was the first real opportunity for me to partake in celebratory libations. I wasn’t even supposed to be driving a car after midnight at this point in my life. Luckily, I got a ride to this party because I was in no shape to drive by the end of the night, or so I thought.

This was 1991, a few years before the availability of big screen viewings of events via LCD projectors and the like. Those kinds of resources were for business meetings and sports bars. I was in a Community Center nestled in the foot hills of Western Pennsylvania. We had car radios to keep us posted on the NHL action. We made as many trips to the cars to get an update as we did the keg to get more beer. By the end of the second period we were all feeling pretty buzzed and our inebriation was directly proportional to our confidence in Pittsburgh winning the series. It was a foregone conclusion that Pittsburgh was going to win this game. After trading wins through the first four games, Pittsburgh picked up momentum in Game Five with a 6-4 win over the North Stars in Pittsburgh. Now all that was needed was another win in Game Six at the Met Center in Minnesota. The Pens were up 7 nothing and it looked hopeless for the North Stars.

Wait?!? Did Jimmy Paek just score? The Korean guy just scored his only goal of the playoffs? Are you kidding me? Scratch that, it was hopeless. No offense to Jimmy, he is one of my favorites and that’s not being condescending. As the first of only two Korean players in the NHL, he is the first Korean to have his name engraved on the Stanley Cup and he has his sweater hanging in the Hockey Hall of Fame to honor that. Not bad. You have to respect that.

As I sat in the cab of a friend’s truck and cheered in a drunken state at the sound of the Pens winning their first Stanley Cup, ever, I was given some sobering news. The beer we had been pounding, heavily all night, causing us to run around like jackasses, whooping it up over a hockey game, was non-alcoholic. Immediately, the crowed stopped stumbling and started walking around, normally. A few us tested out our blood alcohol level with a self given, field sobriety test, just to make sure. Throughout this whole evening, we were only drunk on hockey and toasted the winning Pittsburgh Penguins with another cup of O’Douls.

He shoots he scores! Oh, buy Jimmy Paek a drink and get his dog one, too. Great job boys. Now if we could just get the Pirates to stop trading talent and start winning pennants we would truly be the City of Champions with no argument.

There and Back Again, A Mongo's Tale

Part Three: Nights in South Rodanthe

Well, if you haven’t already realized, these posts from the beach are all retroactive in nature. Meaning, I went, took notes, I came home, and I’ve been posting from them over the course of the last week. It will become really apparent in this last bit from the trip home as I talk about a particular game being played in the Stanley Cup finals and we already know how it turned out. Yeah! I have to say that coming home I wasn’t so sure. It was a rough Game Five and it could have been a detriment to the spirit of that team and their little “Flower” of a goalie. Instead, it was just enough fuel to carry them and the cup home. Enough about that… let’s take it home.

Day 7 Saturday June 5
Morning came quick after only getting a few hours of sleep. While we packed most of the car last night, there is still more to be stowed before we leave. I want to let the little one sleep as long as possible before having to wake her. We aren’t going to get a great breakfast because we had to wash everything and pack up all the kitchen items we brought. Still, I know what will happen. She’ll get up. She’ll come upstairs and she’ll grab that high chair and bring it towards the center of the room.

I made several passes around the house, making sure I got everything. Checked all the drawers, looked through every couch and under every bed for toys and other assorted items. I made sure everything was the we left it or better. I took some final pictures and helped load the van. Afterwards, I went back into this house that sheltered us and comforted us this last week and said in my mind, “Thank you for a great trip.” Leaving, I took one last look around and headed back to the van.

We stopped into the rental office to turn in the keys and I gave the lady at the desk the rundown of what had happened. She went and got the manager and he pulled me aside. Smart thing for him to do. The last thing you want to do is have a disgruntled customer standing among other potential customers, spouting about his bad luck. We went back to his office and we spoke about the pool situation. I laid it all out, the missing breaker, our discovery, the pool guy, and I did not expect anything in return. After all, it was our word against his (pool guy). We shook hands and I left.

I was ready to go. I wanted to get moving as quickly as possible. As much as I had a good time this vacation, there’s something to be said for going home. I also knew if I wanted to catch Game Five I had better make it to the other side of the Allegheny Mountains before too late. That was the outer marker for picking up Pittsburgh radio stations.

It was a little bittersweet driving up Rte 12. We again passed by Bodie Light, Jockey’s Ridge, and the Wright Brothers memorial. We stopped again for breakfast at the Western Sizzlin. I must admit I was satisfied with the food there. It was good for a good price. If you ever go to Kill Devil Hills, check it out. Then go a little ways south on Rte 12 to a place called Kill Devil’s Frozen Custard. They have Excellent fries and frozen custard.

Moyock, NC Rte 168
Back on the road, it was just after 1:00 PM. We stopped back at the rest stop on the other side of the sound and made a break for it. From here on out, I wanted to make some good time back to PA. We had to stop one more time at a place called The Border Station in Moyock, NC. It’s a huge gas station / store that sells fireworks. They aren’t like the places along the side of the highway, sometimes going by the name of Woody’s with a picture of a hissing black cat on the sign. This was a bigger outfit and they didn’t sell any of the good stuff. Usually, I like getting some “stuff” before I come home but this was all legal and puny.

Back through the tunnel under the bridge and onto I-95
We seemed to be making good time. I also began to really hate that purple dinosaur. We had the DVD going on a loop behind me for the little one thinking maybe she would fall asleep. No such luck. She was chugging along with the rest of us. We hit the beltway and were heading into Northern VA before sunset. We stopped at a Bob Evans after a few failed attempts at finding another place to eat. From here it wouldn’t be long until we were in PA.

Breezewood, PA Rte 70/76
This is the last leg. Out last fill up was in Moyock, NC. I topped off the tank in order to return the van with the same amount of gas as I had when I picked it up. I also turned over the keys to the wife. I was getting real punchy and needed a break after driving until here. We jumped on the turnpike and headed home. I kept a check on the radio to see if we could hear the game yet. I knew that usually we wouldn’t start getting in Pittsburgh stations until after we went through the tunnel but I was ever hopeful. Game Four was awesome and the Pens really showed Detroit why were in the finals against them for another year. This time last year, we were in a similar situation and I hoped that the tide would have turned with those two wins in Game Three and Four. Now we were back in Detroit. Unfortunately, we have to win this and Game Six to hoist the cup on home ice in Pittsburgh.

Once through the tunnels, I began to get very scratchy reception in on 105.9 WXDX. All I could make out was Mike Lange saying something about it being 5-0. As we wound through the mountains on the turnpike, reception faded in and out. Play continued and more and more pieces of the puzzle came into place. We were losing and it was almost the end of the game. This was indeed the low point of the trip. Not only did Detroit go up 3-2 in the series, there was the distinct possibility that they would be skating around our home ice with the Stanley Cup. As gracious of hosts as we are, I think the thought of Marion Hossa skating around our ice, his former ice, holding that cup high above his head would be enough to start a riot in the arena.

Home
Somewhere around Johnstown, the little one finally dozed off to sleep. We drove the rest of the way in silence and landed back at my In Laws’ house just before midnight. We dropped them off and ended up waking the baby. She pretty much cried until we got home. I don’t blame her. She went 12 hours without a nap and once she fell asleep we woke her up five minutes before we pulled into the driveway. I’d be pissed, too.

We unloaded the van and fell into the house out of exhaustion. We pretty much just did what we needed to go to sleep. The cats were happy to see us and we were happy to see them. We bathed the baby and put her down around 2:00 AM. We both sat in our living room, exhausted by too awake to sleep. After a shower, we were in bed and both sat there still awake. I was waiting for the last of the caffeine to escape my system and finally drifted off to sleep. Since we fed the cats late, I was able to sleep until 8:00 AM before having to get up. As I finish up these notes I noticed we missed a phone call at 10:14 AM Saturday. It was the realty company. The manager called the house five minutes after I left. He said he totally understands and believes us. He’s had problems with this outside company before and is going to reimburse us for all but two days of pool heat. Sometimes, it pays to make noise even when the odds are against you. Hopefully, the fans will make some noise in Pittsburgh during Game Six and then ultimately Game Seven. We’re not out yet. I only hope Fleury isn’t too rattled after that loss. It would be nice to have the Lombardi Trophy and Stanley Cup in Pittsburgh for the year…but I guess a World Series win might be a tall order. Maybe…



As you can see, I wrote this with no knowledge of the impending win in Pittsburgh and win in Detroit. What a Game Seven that was. Holy Crap, Fleury shook off the bad vibes of Game Five and stepped it up. Go Pens!

MyBabysDay Makes My Baby's Day

They say "Mother" is the word for "God" on the lips of children. Although, sometimes, "Father" can translate to "Hero" in the eyes of a child. That's my job. Hero, protector, provider, example, especially in what not to do. It's hard to know what to do when your little one gets hurt or loses something. The last thing you want is for them to be sad or upset but at the same time you don't want to give them an unrealistic vision of what the world is like. I'm not saying sit a three old down and tell them to start studying for college entrance exams and putting away those pennies from Aunt Margie for retirement. I just mean that a kid needs to have a realistic sense of expectations. I learned this when my 11 month old daughter takes a toy or a piece of food while sitting in a high chair and drops over the side, looking to see if it hit the floor. Usually, I manage to catch it and put it back into her path of grasp. Sometimes it hits the floor and I have to say, "It's gone. It hit the floor and now it's dirty." You have to because sooner or later everything ends up in their mouth. I don't intend to take away the object forever, just until I can clean it. Well, except for food. We'll just get another one. However, not everything can be fixed. Broke is broke in the case of some objects. That's when the look of hurt and confusion really makes me get a knot in my throat. Recently, a knot was induced when one of my daughter's favorite toys was broke. It was nothing spectacular other than a miniature beach ball that was given to us.

It was a Saturday maybe two weeks to a month after she was born. We were on our usual Saturday morning breakfast trip to Bob Evans when a lady approached us. As a parent you tend to be wary of people approaching your child. It's a sad commentary on the times where even when you are with your kids you fear that someone will try something inappropriate or just downright sadistic. I try to be a little more optimistic but have my reflexes at the ready. This particular lady didn't set off any red flags in my mind. She merely commented on how adorable our little girl was, I take full credit on that, and gave us this little piece of schwag. For those of you have never heard of the word schwag, take a look at your pen. If it has a company or brand name on it, it's schwag. That coffee mug with some corporate logo, that's schwag. These promotional items that advertise a brand are like Levi jeans and Beatles albums to the Cold War era Russian people. They are inexpensive, but everyone scrambles to get one in the office when someone has them. This particular piece of promotional goodness had a website logo printed on it. http://www.mybabysday.com/. They are a quaint little business outside of Pittsburgh that developed a software program to help track a baby's daily activities. Anyone wondering why their little one is doing what their doing when they break out of their normal routine can find this software useful.

Often when someone offers you a promotional item it becomes more about the actual item than the advertisement. We forgot all about what was written on the beach ball and just loved the fact that our girl was batting it around the room and actually throwing it back and forth between us. She'd chase it around the floor and it's round and smooth texture would slip from her grasp and she'd laugh as it would scoot away from her. Then she would lower her head and charge off again after the ball. I think it was more of a joy to us to watch her play with it then it was for her. Unfortunately, a couple of weeks ago, disaster struck. It was during the Pittsburgh Penguins glorious win in Game 3 of the Stanley Cup finals here in Pittsburgh. We were all sitting on the floor watching the game and playing with the beach ball. It looked as if it needed a little more air so I picked it up and began to inflate it as the Penguins scored. I must have got excited and over inflated the ball because it began to deflate right in front of my daughter's eyes. She looked heart broken as she picked it up and looked at me. I was devastated. Her favorite toy and I had ruined it. She looked at me as if I had told her the truth about Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, and then took away her puppy all at once. After she had gone to bed I grabbed the ball and decided that I wasn't going to let her down again......this month. I went to my computer and looked up the website on the ball. I sent a message pleading for help and within a week I had two beach balls in the mail. We'll keep one as a backup, well, because it's now Game 6 and I'm afraid I won't be able to control my excitement as the Penguins continue to hold on in the series.

The other I quickly inflated and walked up into our living room where my daughter was climbing all over her grandfather. She looked at me and saw what I had. She instantly smiled and scrunched up her nose in that all too familiar look that made me smile. She got down on the floor, I tossed the ball onto the carpet, and off she went leaving her Pappy to recover from the attack. She raced around the room batting the ball everywhere. Once again she was the gleefully playful child I always love her to be. This was all thanks to a hopeful plea and a piece of promotional material. So, thank you MyBabysDay. You made me a hero in my daughter's eyes once again. I don't suppose you brand ponies, do you? Her first birthday is coming up in a couple of months.

P.S. Let's go Pens.

Why I am glad the Pennsylvania Primary is finally here

I'm glad that the PA Primary is finally here, because then the damn phone calls will stop.....for awhile.  I have gone on at length about my issues with phone calls.  Still, I understand that each candidate will try to get the most exposure and awareness of their campaign out to the masses before the primary on Tuesday, April 22.  However, I do not appreciate the fact that I've been called repeatedly by both Democratic candidates’ camps over the last few weeks. 

Let's see, we've had Ed Rendell send a recorded message.  He's for Hillary.  Then we have Senator Bob Casey sending his own message.  He's for Obama.  That should have been it.  Two calls and you're done.  You've got your message out to me.  I will go vote.   But, no, that can't be it.  They have to call on the weekends and remind me that there is a primary on Tuesday and want to know if I have a candidate in mind.   First of all, if I didn't know that there was a primary on Tuesday in Pennsylvania, you better check me for a pulse.  Everybody loves my little state come election time, but you all can't be bothered the rest of the months or years.  Secondly, even if I didn't know who to vote for, I sure as hell won't believe you.  You're not objective.  You don't lay out the facts.  You lay out what is more favorable for your candidate.

What's worse is that these punks seem to know exactly when to call to maximize my frustration.  It's Sunday and I've just got the baby down for a nap.  This gives her a much needed rest from chasing the cat and it gives me a much needed rest from chasing the baby.  "RING! RING!"  I say "hello" and of course there is a five second delay for someone to be assigned my call and here comes the spiel.    In fact, I've just decided to change my policy on the two "hellos".  You're only getting one.  Then I hang up.  The problem with that is that they just call back.   So, I'm prepared for the next call.  Once they get their political spiel out of the way, I'm giving them the "Do Not Call" story and then I'm going to tell them that yes, I have made my decision.  I'm voting for the other guy, even if it is the other guy/girl.  Why?  Because, you can't leave me alone.    You just destroyed my support for your candidate.  You call when you know you'll find someone at home.  If we don't answer, you don't leave a message on the machine or continue to call back.   You've done it.  You have just lost your candidate my vote.  I don't care who you are, but that's it.  In the scheme of things, I waste more energy giving them the third degree versus just listening and hanging up.   However, I'm tried of it.  I am sick and tired of being harassed by these folks.   You tell those people to call me directly.   I will speak to them.   I would appreciate a candidate who is willing to call me on the phone and speak to me one on one about the issues and my concerns for the presidency.  Don't hire people at minimum wage to do it for you.   Ed Rendell and Bob Casey don’t send me a recorded message.  Why don't you call me and ask how I feel about their performance.  Hey, Ed, thanks for getting us the new arena with Don Barden.  I'm glad we went with him instead of Isle of Capri.   I mean Isle of Capri was going to give us an arena and fix up the area.  Don is going to back out of his commitment to fix up the Hill District.  Here, I was worried he was going to screw us for no reason. 

And another thing that bothers me is campaign signs.  I'm on a tear, aren't I?  I think each candidate or their campaign should be fined a set amount of money for every day beyond the election that those signs stay up on the side of the road.  This is of course the ones that stick in the ground.  Billboards are fine, because they are paid advertisements.  The little signs in your yard are the ones for which I am asking a fine to be imposed.   It clutters up the landscape and tends to be an eyesore with all those colors abound. 

There you have it, my first and hopefully last political rant.  I'm Mongo and I approve this message.