WUMF: May 2012 Edition

Keerriiiist! It’s almost June. How the ‘eff did that happen? Well, can’t stop time. So, here’s another WUMF!

Top 25 Musical Performances Reprise
Last week I put up my list for the most iconic musical performances in non-musical films.   Well, I screwed up and omitted perhaps one of the most iconic ones.   So, I'll be fixing that.  Let's just say, I was trying to block it out of my head... the Gene Kelly, the fake nose, the codpiece.

Sgt. Hulka Still Hurts
Awhile back, around the first weekend of May, I tweaked my foot cutting grass. I got an X-ray a couple of weeks ago and it showed nothing. I do not have a broken foot. I do not have gout. My doctor says I need new shows. I am just about at wits end.

They put me on an ant-inflammatory which isn’t the best thing on my stomach, one of the only things next to Rum, Vodka, Gin, or Tequila. Now, it’s numb but still noticeable. However, I am feeling much better about it going to the beach…

Going to the beach
Yeah, we are headed back to the OBX here real soon. Another trip into the 4x4 section. This year we managed to snag an oceanfront home for relatively the same cost per couple that we had last year. This one even has an elevator. Very nice.

I am a bit wary though as we are going a different route that was suggested to me by a coworker. I have been a beltway bomber for quite a number of years, so veering away from DC and going the Berkley Springs route is new to me. I’ve heard it’s beautiful. I just don’t want to hear the banjos stop playing... if you catch my drift.

The Banjos Stopped Playing
Everyone kept talking about watching The Hatfields and McCoys on The History Channel. Apparently, it blew away a lot of reality shows in the ratings. That’s pretty amazing, considering it’s the History Channel. However, some folks have talked about how bad the production was from the acting below the three recognizable leads to the lack of realism in the furnishings of the 19th century era old Kentucky homes.

Seems a bit odd that the Hatfields and McCoys had good dental hygiene in the backwoods of West Virginia and Kentucky.

What Else Seems Odd
The Cincinnati Reds are in town to play the Buccos and a strange story came out of the hotel room of Aroldis Chapman. While he was at the game, a 26 year old woman by the name of Claudia Manrique was in his room at the Omni William Penn, as a guest. A man came to the door, claiming to be there to fix the toilet. Later, she was found bound and screaming in the room, which had been robbed. She was interviewed by police and then released. She left the station with a towel over her head and got into a car with a man and woman with Maryland plates.

She met Chapman two months ago in DC and yet she was released and left with a man who police said was her husband. Hmmm. She also left with full knowledge of how to avoid photos… as if she had done it before… hmmm.

Nothing strange here.



Something Strange Here
This has truly been a strange week. A pig on the parkway. A zombie in Florida. Bovines in Boxford crashing a party. Some guy stabbed himself fifty times and threw his intestines at police. And someone in Canada decided to mail body parts around. Didn’t he know that you should group your shipments to save on postage?

If shit blows up while I’m at the beach, I’m staying there. Getting a little weird around here.

25 Best Musical Performances in Non-musical Films: 5-1

I’ve been counting down my top 25 most iconic musical performances in a non musical film.  Once again, these are musical performances, lip synched or otherwise that stood out in the landscape of pop culture.  These are not from movies that have a real musical story element.  These are from films where someone, for whatever reason, breaks out into song and dance.

Now, I’ve visited the 70s, 80s, 90s, and 00s for selections 25-6.   I’ve done mostly comedies, and at least one thriller.   While a majority of the top five includes comedy, one of them is black and there is one war film in there.  For the top five, I’m going to give a little exposition on each one.  Sort of why I picked it and why it left an impression on me.

So, let’s not waste anymore time.  OK?

The typical childhood pop culture diet usually contains equal parts annoying kiddie show music, repetitive imagery and music from cartoons, and Disney.  Well, my kid doesn’t get that.  She’s more on the ball with my childhood’s pop culture landscape than I was when I was her age.

In my childhood, my father warped my mind with viewings of Monty Python and other British late night comedies.   Couple that with stealing HBO as a kid and I saw more movies that led to my corruption.    Chief among them  were the films of Mel Brooks.   History of the World Part I, To Be or Not To Be, and Blazing Saddles were some of my favorites.  But one stood out among the rest.  It was a black and white monster film.  OK, it was really a comedy, but still, it had a mad scientist, an ominous monster, and a hilarious musical performance that has become a quintessential joke whenever someone imitates Frankenstein’s monster.  “Puuhtin ahn tha Riiiitz!”

5. Young Frankenstein "Puttin on the Ritz"



Another film I had only seen once I was into my early teens because it was pretty risqué for its time.  Anytime you look at the TV Guide and you see the abbreviations “N” and “SC” in the synopsis for a movie, you knew you weren’t getting to see it with parents around.  Once again, HBO stepped in and I happened to catch this one when I was home alone.  Oh my!

In typical 80s fashion an outlandish scheme is hatched to cover up an even more outlandish lie which results in everything being positively resolved by the end of the film.  If only life could work like that.

Anyway, all this 80s style mayhem and one superstar’s career started simply with a pair of sunglasses, tighty whities, and Bob Seger.

4. Risky Business "Old Time Rock and Roll"




War movies are usually not known for being upbeat or sing-songy… unless that movie is South Pacific.   They’re mostly dour and somber with explosions and grief.   However, one must keep up the British end, even when a POW.  When faced with impossible odds, keep a stiff upper lip, stick out your chest and whistle a tune which serves as a placeholder for lyrics that speak of Hitler only having one ball.

Most kids don’t relish watching a two and a half hour war film, especially one that does not involve Stallone or Schwarzenegger blowing up bad guys with their one liners.   For me, though, this next film was a classic already and I loved it.  It was more cerebral than its muscle headed 80s counterparts.    But, mainly, I loved it because it had Obi-Wan Kenobi as sort of a bastard.  Seeing Alec Guiness play against type of the stoic, Zen like Jedi Master in Star Wars was really a treat.  I’d love to see his George Smiley from the BBC’s 1979 version of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy.

But for now, I’ll just have to remember to put my lips together and blow.

3. Bridge on the River Kwai "Colonel Bogey March"


Also, I have to include as a footnote that the Colonel Bogey March appears again in another memorable 80s classic.  Same idea, POWs trying to make the best of a bad situation; Saturday detention.

Breakfast Club "Colonel Bogey March"



Stanley Kubrick was a sick f*ck.  Bloody brilliant director though.  I saw the Shining at a young age and that damn scene with the bear suit still freaks me out. And I saw 2001 and that damn star child still freaks me out. But, it wasn't until college that I actually saw this film. And yet, to this day, no matter how much I love his work, Malcolm McDowell still freaks me out.

2.Clockwork Orange "Singin' in the Rain"



Here it is, number one.   I hemmed and hawed of what I considered to be the most iconic musical performance in a non musical film.  It had to be something that sort of reached across some boundaries for people.   Being in my late 30s I thought back to first movie I ever rented on VHS.  We had just got a decent VCR for Christmas that year and my brother and I went down to the Valley Dairy to rent a video.  I had never seen this movie which had came out in theaters the previous summer.   It was a big hit in the theaters and had led to a recharting of an old tune from the 60s.  The scene featured two songs, lip synched by the lead character who pretty much just wanted to have a good day off from class. 

I think you know of which movie I speak.

1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off  "Danke Schoen / Twist and Shout"



Hope you enjoyed the list.  I'm going to put up an honorable mention list real soon.

25 Best Musical Performances in Non-musical Films: 15-6

We're still counting down the 25 most iconic musical performances in a non-musical film.

After posting the first part, I was immediately hit with a lot of suggestions and ideas from friends which is awesome!  I guess this was a pretty good topic to choose.  It's almost a great drinking game.

But, I have to clarify a couple of things.  I went with the selections I did because they were something that sort of happened out of the ordinary but left an impression on pop culture.  I shied away from the most obvious choices, like Michael J. Fox singing "Johnny B. Goode" in Back to the Future and Gene Wilder singing that psychedelic boat song from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  It pained me to do it because Marty McFly was in a band.  That was a plot point and Willy Wonka is basically a musical.

So, I apologize for not including a lot of the suggestions I got but I'm sticking with my guns.   I'll still post comments from you all who had your own take or suggestions.

UPDATE Due to my screwed up math, I listed 11 in the first post and have been going back to fix that.  I also omitted one of the best ones, so I had to drop off number 20, renumber the rest, and that caused number 5 to slip into the six spot.  So, I left the commentary I reserved for the top five because it was special... to me, anyway.

15.  Fletch "Moon River" (It's short but who doesn't quote this?)


14.  Planes, Trains, and Automobiles "Three Coins in a Fountain" / "Meet the Flintstones"


13.  Pretty Woman  "Kiss"  (Couldn't find the original but found an outtake)


12.  Ten Things I Hate About You "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You"


11.  Pee Wee's Big Adventure "Tequila"


10.  Three Amigos "My Little Buttercup"


9.  Stripes "Do Wah Diddy Diddy"


8.  Top Gun "You've Lost That Loving Feeling"


7.  Jaws "Show Me the Way To Go Home"

Here's where number five dropped into number six with the commentary.

In 1992, I was a junior in high school.  I had just got my license the year before and I was still not really allowed to drive around with my friends in the car.  Yet, I had friends, who were older, that would drive me around to various places.  It was nothing for us to say, “Hey, let’s go to a Pittsburgh Pirates game or drive to Morgantown, or even up to Seven Springs.”    We’d pop a mix tape in the car stereo and were off on another adventure.  There were some great memories riding in the car with friends, goofing off, and having no cares in the world.

But in February of 92, I was with some older friends and we decided to go take in a movie one night.  I can honestly say, that was one of the most hilarious and funny nights of my life.  I won’t say the film was Oscar worthy, but it was memorable, and for months we drove around with the soundtrack blaring.  For months, I had a stiff neck.  To this day, anytime I hear this song on the radio, I have to reenact this memorable scene.  I have to bang my head.

5. Wayne's World "Bohemian Rhapsody"
With that out of the way, here's the next set.

25 Best Musical Performances in Non-musical Films: 25-16

Musical Numbers.  There's a whole genre of movies built around singing and dancing.  They're iconic and memorable.  But what about films that aren't built around the idea of characters singing and dancing?  What about characters that break into song and dance because they just feel like it?  Maybe they're forced into it.  What about them? 

Well, this is my selection for the top 25 musical numbers, lip synched or actually sung in a movie by one or more characters.   You won't see Chicago or The Blues Brothers here.  This is strictly things that occurred either off the cuff or were not part of the normal progression of the movie.

UPDATE I screwed up the numbering and omitted one of the greatest moments so I had to remove Clueless since it was number 20 and sometimes, there are losers.  Like me!  So, here is the redux list.

Here we go...


25.  The Jerk "Picking Out a Thermos For You"


24.  Jerry Maguire "Free Falling"


23.  The Replacements "I Will Survive"


22.  Mr. Deeds "Space Oddity"


21.  Tommy Boy "Superstar", "Come On Eileen", and "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)"


20.  Sixteen Candles "Birthday"


19.   Elf "Baby, It's Cold Outside"


18.  Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me "Chili's Baby Back Ribs"


17.  Ghostbusters "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"


16.  The Hangover "In the Air Tonight"

It's People!

Some puzzling things are afoot…
Facebook is worth more than Walt Disney?
Facebook is a $100 billion dollar company?
What exactly does Facebook make?

I guess I can’t really knock it. I use Facebook more than I should. But, then again, I use it for a variety of reasons. I’m snarky about life. I post shirt designs and promote my business. I get my ass kicked in Words With Friends or spend an inordinate amount of time farming for no reason. I am the reason why Facebook is as big as it is. Though, I don’t feel the need to tell everyone that I am going to gym, going to work, or going to bed.

But in the last couple years, I’ve also become a big critic of Zuckerberg. I don’t blame him for his worth and his genius. This is a guy who built a social networking empire while pretty much being anti-social. Whether he misled the Winklevi about creating the site or screwed Eduardo Saverin out of a share of the company doesn’t matter, what matters is that Facebook, to a lot of people, has become like a limb. Without it, life would be difficult.

Should it be? Are we so self centered in this life that we cannot get through the day without shouting everything to the world in a “look at me moment”? “I’m having a bad day” equals like this, comment and console me, feed my self worth, and basically enable me to be a vapid ass clown. Frankly, I love when I post or share something I like and about 1% of the people in my friends list go and get all militant on me for having an opinion other than theirs. Basically, this is how I am. I snark. I sarcasm. I share shit that makes me laugh. I don’t consider your feelings when I do it… because it’s not YOUR wall. It’s not YOUR Facebook. I once posted a picture that said, “If what I post on Facebook really offends you, then it’s pretty obvious that you do not know me off of Facebook”.

But… I am going off point.

This is about how Facebook has become a tradable commodity. When I asked, “What does Facebook make?” I already had an answer in my head. The product that Facebook makes is us. Our data. Our habits. What we watch, what we like, and what we share is where Facebook produces its greatest marketable good; data. Data that companies pay a hell of a lot of money to get a hold of to market other things to us. GM just pulled their ads because they couldn’t see that their marketing was producing any sales. Where GM screwed up was paying to advertise on Facebook. What they should have done was just buy up data from the users who talk about, post pictures, and like cars. The users advertise for them and they just turn that data into marketing plans for their company…

The tables are going to turn on Zuckerberg. I hope he has a lot of protection over his role and his stake in the company. All the things he said he’d never do won’t be truly up to him, anymore. Paid service to the site. If the board truly wants it. They’ll make him do it. If they want Facebook to green. Hey may have to do it. If they feel he’s not taking the company in the right direction, they could get rid of him. I might be making that out to be bigger of a deal than it really is, but let’s just say, I have some experience in this.

I’ve seen founders of a company get tossed out because the board and, by proxy, the shareholders decided that things needed to change. Things that made them money. Things that may have been totally against what the founder and owner had in mind, but because that company was publically trader they lost their say and their job in the name of money.

Then again, maybe Zucks has it all figured out. Those five things he lays out sounds like a plan to really open up your data to others because, “Hey, that’s what you signed up for and paid no money to use.” But as far as opening up themselves. I have a feeling that sharing that information won’t be as easy. I can imagine that statement to sound like, “There’s patents and proprietary information. We don’t want some other anti-social genius to come up with something better.”

Trust me, something better will come along. In fact, three or four “better” things will come along. Some of them will probably get bought by Facebook. Soon, it will become more profitable for Facebook to buy up the things they want to offer instead of actually producing it themselves.

Unfortunately, for us, the product, until we learn to stop being so damn open with everyone… which let’s face it… it’s annoying, we’ll stop producing for Facebook and then Facebook will stop producing for their shareholders.

Social Blue! It’s People!

Why Are We Still Here

A couple of stories I read during my lunch make me weep for our society.

The first one was Teens in Dallas Mall under age of 17 must be accompanied by parent after 6pm.

I understand I am in the cranky old man demographic now and this would be of great benefit to me when I go to the mall. In fact, I’ve seen firsthand how bad it can be in the evening when I’ve gone to the mall and it’s just a sea of underage humanity, taking up all of the tables in the food court or spanning the entire hallway with their baggy pants, slow gait attitude.

However, how bad is it as a society when we have to start policing the food court and begin asking kids for their ID to see if they should be there? Isn’t that a bit much? Malls aren’t what they used to be. They aren’t the shining beacon of escapism that Tiffany sang in or Robin Sparkles sang about with mucho gusto. They aren’t even as great as what Kevin Smith waxed nostalgic about in Mallrats.

The Internet has pretty much made regular brick and mortar stores inside the mall a thing of the past. Regular department stores in shopping centers, like Walmart or Target still have an impact because they have dedicated entrances and locations that aren’t hard to get to like the Hot Topic on the first level of the mall which ends up on the opposite side of the Earth from where you parked in negative gajillion Kelvin. Besides, teens usually don’t hang out in Walmart or Target for fun.

Malls need business. They need customers. Most kids don’t have a great opportunity to do any shopping until after 4pm due to school. So, why would cut them off from being able to have access to the stores two hours later?

I know. I know. Most kids aren’t at the mall to spend money. They’re there to waste time. So, has the mall in question done the research to see what moneys are being spent by kids under the age of 17 during the hours of 6:00PM and 9:00PM? Or, are they simply identifying a nuisance and eliminating it based on customer complaints.

Again, I understand why the mall is doing it. I understand how frustrating it is to be in the mall when this is occurring. I also understand that this is America and I shouldn’t have to show my papers when I’m in the mall for legitimate reasons.

How so? OK, most malls that have Internal movie theater chains use the interiors of the mall to gain access as well as external entrances. So, I’m a 16 year old and my friend and I go to a 4pm showing of the Hunger Games which ends close to 8pm. We’re hungry… LOL. Something about the movie’s title makes me hungry for food. So, we leave the movie and head to the food court. We get stopped by Paul Blart who asks to see our ID. Because we are under 17 or under, we are told to skedaddle and go back to the clubhouse. Mall loses food revenue and future business from us and all our friends as we Tweet, post on Facebook, and text everyone about what happened. Was that the best way to handle things?

Example two. I’m 18 and don’t have a driver’s license because I took out a bus full of nuns after running over the driving instructor’s foot. My mom drops me off at the mall and I do my shopping in the book store to grab a copy of Driving for Dummies. Paul Blart stops me because I look to be under 17. I say I’m 18 and he asks me for my ID. I don’t have one and immediately have a flashback seeing habits flying hither and fro. I can’t prove I’m 18, so Blart kicks me out. Great job mall, tomorrow, I’m returning the book and never coming back.
The other story that had me scratching my nugget was a NJ town that has started handing out fines to people texting while jaywalking.

REALLY? Ticketing pedestrians for texting while walking? Are we that stupid of a society that we need to be policed to this extent? Is Darwin facepalming in his grave over how technologically savvy yet logically inept we’ve become? Well…it is New Jersey.

Come on, people. I’m not siding with the pedestrians. Yet, I am not siding with law enforcement officials. This is a completely ridiculous attempt at getting money. How do you enforce it? What if I’m trying to dial someone or play Angry Birds? What if I wasn’t texting at all? Once again, invasion of privacy to reveal my phone log history.

And… they want to try to enforce it in other places, like New York City. Can you imagine how many people would be found guilty? There are probably hundreds of thousands of people walking the streets of NYC texting or using their phones for legitimate business purposes.  Are you going to ticket them all?  Does NYC have enough police force to handle the load? 

It's time people start being responsible for their own actions.  Otherwise, why let them have a mobile device or leave the house?  It's obvious some people cannot handle technology or simple actions like walking and chewing gum at the same time.  Why should people who are perfectly capable of doing certain things without incident be punished because some idiots can't make it from point A to point B without being nailed by a car?

Just imagine, a 16 year old gets kicked out of the mall and then gets hit by a car while trying to shop online with their cell phone because they weren't allowed in the mall after 6PM.   

Ridiculous.

Why are we still here?  How have we not inadvertently blown ourselves up or died out from stupidity?  Is technology our giant meteor?  The one that crashes into the planet and extinguishes all life could be the size of a Blackberry.   Smarten up people, before I have to go back to my flip phone that only plays Snakes and can take pictures.

Daddy Needs a Brand New Pair of Shoes

I hurt my foot.

It REALLY hurts.

I cut grass on Saturday and could barely walk at the end of the day.

I think I’m dying.

Seriously, I thought I broke my foot . The big toe on my left foot throbs and it’s hard to bend without any serious pain. After the weekend, I mentioned my symptoms to a coworker, who immediately said, “That’s gout!” Well, my father has gout. So, I ran it by him and he said it could very well be gout. So, I looked it up on Google and self diagnosed my condition.

I have two weeks to live.

They should never let us use Google to diagnose ourselves. We end with brain cancer every time. It’s like a choose your own adventure that always ends up in death.

So, I took half a day, yesterday and went to the doctor. I had a 2:30 appointment and sat in the waiting room for a half hour. I know this, because it was 3:05 as they were finally taking me in the back to check my blood pressure and all that. Then, I sat in a room until 4:10 before I saw the doctor.

The diagnosis? Bruised foot. Get better shoes.

Well, it just harkens back to the three things my mother always to not skimp on in life.

• Take good care of your teeth.
• Get a good mattress.
• Get a good pair of shoes.

Mothers are smart.

The worst part about all this was having to spend all that time to find out I have bad shoes. I paid $20 for that advice and two hours of my time. I could have gone to MedExpress, spent $35 and probably been home in an hour. It’s a bit ridiculous. You just cannot get into your PCP in a timely manner anymore. Instead, you sit out in the waiting room, absorbing everyone else’s illness so that your guaranteed to be back next week with a more legitimate illness.

I have a brain cloud, by the way.

Google confirmed it this morning. 

George Carlin and The Last Crusade

Last week my work laptop went BSOD. That’s Blue Screen of Death for all those not in the know. Anyway, I got a loaner and via the network I can at least work in some semblance. I have access to my email and the network but none of my stuff is there.

Working through this issue reminds me of the classic, and very spot on, bits from George Carlin. Being on a loaner laptop is like spending a night or two at a friend’s house. Sure, you can bring along the essentials but you never feel quite as relaxed putting your stuff into an overnight bag and spending the night away from the rest of your stuff.

It’s amazing how dependent we’ve become on our computers. It’s even more apparent when we don’t have them at the ready. So, here I am with webmail open and it fails out. Great, no email. Well, at least I can do work through the other website I am usually using. What the hell was the server name, again? Crap. I had it bookmarked in my favorites. Oooh, that’s right. I don’t have my computer and I didn’t back up my favorites to my network folder. Well, I guess I can always check Facebook for a moment. I don’t remember my password. SHIT!

Yep, it sucks. But this got me to thinking. You have your laptop which has all your applications, favorites, files, and notes. Then you have to go somewhere and all you have is your phone. Well, in essence, your phone becomes that next logical progression in Carlin’s chain of relocating to a new place with your stuff. If you lose your phone or are in a bad service location, you need to rely on that more powerful, yet less effective machine to recall your information. That’s your brain.

What did we do before Cell Phones, Smart Phones, computers, and PDAs? How did we remember all the important stuff like phone numbers, names, birthdays, important meetings, recipes, movie trivia, the 76 Phillies roster, and meaning of life?

As Henry Jones Sr. once said, “I wrote them down in my diary so I wouldn’t have to remember them.”

Well, said Dr. Jones.

They say we only use a small percentage of our brain power. Has technology reduced that number even further? How much longer before we are entirely dependent on machines to remember everything. We’ve already lost the ability to write. Our grammar is failing. We are discarding books for ebooks. We abbreviate and create acronyms.

And even though I am getting a newer laptop, reimaged from my old one, I will still have to go back and add all kinds of stuff, notes, files, etc. that will be undoubtedly lost from my old one.   I will have to remember what that is, though.

We are becoming dumber, as I once said a long time ago.  I just don't remember when I said it.   It's on this blog somewhere.

Go. Find.  Read.  Remember.

I Have Nothing To Say

I don’t.  I am completely without thought.  There are no words in my brain to convey to you, my 4.5 readers, some great nugget of wisdom.  You are in for a very dull read.

Why do people do this?  Why do we feel the need to share with everyone what we’re doing.  We’re going to the gym.  We’re checking in at our favorite greasy spoon.  We’re checking out of consciousness and going to sleep.  But, the most important thing is; we’re telling all our friends we’re going to do it.

Imagine this scenario:   You are back in college, living with your three friends.  I know you have more, but they wouldn’t fit the occupancy restrictions and the security deposit wouldn’t be enough to cover Jerry’s experimental interior decorating habits.  So, anyway,  you’re all sitting around watching Montel Jordan when you decide it’s time to go workout.  You stand up and loudly yell out, “I’m going to the gym to get ripped!”

Who the hell does that?

Here’s another scenario; you’re sitting around the dinner table, with your family, eating your mother’s latest creation and suddenly you yell out, “Peppersteak!  FML!”  Mom just blinks repeatedly, and looks up the number for an old priest and a young priest.

THAT SHIT HAPPENS! Not really.

Lastly, you’re in the library studying for your Econ final when the urge hits you.  You stand up and walk over to the nearest person and immediately start acting out the “To the pain” scene from The Princess Bride.   You manage to get through almost the entire speech before security throws you out.

As you wish!

Why do we do it?  Do we crave attention?  Do we think of ourselves as the bard of bathroom behavior.    Are our friends sitting around with a Facebook screen open at the ready in case someone decides to check out for the evening and we're there to witness it? 

Often times, I update my status to include quips about my kid, my life, and basically relating funny moments.  Well, funny to me.  I put music videos that describe my state of mind or reminisce about how in the 80s we didn’t do such things like this.  I quote movies.  I hardly ever announce that I’m about to go to the gym… which of course is because I don’t go to the gym.   I also don’t announce that I’m about to go 10200.  Listen, Internet, no one cares about your bodily functions.

And why is it that people post pictures of themselves in the bathroom?  Is it the mirror, the lighting?  Do people think that because they feel that they sound better, singing in the shower, they must look better in the bathroom when they snap that pic?  You don't.   And close the lid next time.  Ew.

Internet, duck lips and pictures snapped at arm’s length above your head are not cool.  If they were, M.C. Escher would have drawn that self portrait in the glass ball from the perspective of looking up… and his toilet would be in the background.

"Doesn't my triple mirror vanity just bring out the epicness of Blue Steel?"

Acceptance.  Heh
Likes.  Heh
Maximum Facebook Impact.  Heh.

We crave these.

Did the Current State of the Internet beget the “Look At Me Generation” or did the generation cause the current state of the Internet?

Hey Internet, grow up and rein in your rampant low self esteem!

And to that, I am done saying nothing.

On a blog…

To 4.5 readers…

Which will get posted in my Facebook news feed…

And on Twitter.

Going to dinner now. 


Like, please?