2010 D-Bag Awards Round Seven: In Charge D-Bags

Those wacky CEOs. They’ve got the world on a string. And some of them are the biggest d-bags in business. Here’s the lowdown on the final round of nominations for the 2010 D-Bag Awards.

Steve Jobs
Normally, I wouldn’t care what Steve Jobs did. Normally, I’d be willing to praise Apple for what it has done in the tech sector. I loved my iPod and even though I am not a Mac user, I do like them in the case of doing graphic design. Well, that has all changed. 2010 was shining big ball of poop for the Apple CEO. Dating back to the invention of the iPhone, Apple has become a bit of a snob with its products. Yes, you can blame the issues with coverage on AT&T but the bottom line is that Apple is responsible for making that business decision to go solely with AT&T.

The latest version of the iPhone, called iPhone 4, had a huge flaw that was a tipping point for ole Stevie ending up on the list. The gap on the case caused dropped calls when you touched it. It’s not a flaw, it’s a feature, right? Wrong. As in, “You’re holding it wrong.” That was Steve’s message to the masses about the issue. Well, if you are using the phone as a phone and aren’t used to holding it with the particular hand that Jobs is telling people to use, then it’s a flaw, in my book. Telling people that they’re doing it wrong is not good customer service. It’s back peddling over an issue that you either knew about and tried to sneak past the censors or it’s something you were oblivious to and are now coming up with a story to cover your ass. Oh, and did I mention that Steve was detained in an airport following the discovery of ninja stars in his luggage? Steve said he’d never visit Japan again after being detained for trying to take the weapons aboard his own private jet. Um, just because it’s a private jet and it’s yours doesn’t mean you couldn’t decide to take them to another airport and do something. It would be nice if Japan decided to stop using Apple products in return. Hey, Steve. YOU are doing it wrong.

Bob Nutting
I so wanted to give the round to Bob. I really did. As a Pittsburgher and a once huge fan of the Pirates I really wanted to bring Bob down, but I couldn’t. First of all, I don’t have that kind of power. Secondly, it’s not like Bob doesn’t already know exactly what he is doing. He’s made losing a profitable science. 18 years. 18 YEARS of losing is what we are used to in Pittsburgh and we are not a town that understands losing for a profit. We went to the Super Bowl, on the road, as a sixth seed which did nothing to earn the city any money in tourist revenues and we were happy about it because it was about winning and being the best, not about money. Now, that’s not to say that the bottom line is that we don’t want the money. You need to pay the players and you need to fund the organization. However, when you specifically do what you can to lose which nets you millions in profit, that’s is worth of being a d-bag.

Now, I cannot say with 100% certainty that Bob Nutting is purposely trying to lose in order to keep his payroll low and turn a profit from season ticket sales and revenue sharing from the bigger market teams. But it does look to be a little suspicious. Oh, and how are Rinku and Dinesh doing? Oh, that’s right. You released Dinesh after the season. And Singh, well he was promoted to Class A Short-Season affiliate. Any chance He’ll be making it through to the big game?



And the winner is?



Roger Goodell
Again, I am a little bit biased because I am from Pittsburgh but I think it is safe to say that Roger Goodell is clearly the winner here. I have gone on, at length about how I despise him. I think he is turning the NFL into a ridiculous corporation bent on making money and not about upholding any values. He talks about wanting to protect the players from injury and yet wants to add two more bone crushing regular season games. If this year is any indication of how much the regular season punishes players then imagine going into weeks 18 and 19 with hardly any starters because of injury, not to mention playoffs. He talks about reckless tackling, leading with helmets and defenseless players, yet the officials do not call penalties on half of the more serious offenses to players such as personal fouls against certain quarterbacks. After all, someone as pretty as Tom Brady and as marketable as Peyton Manning would certainly draw a personal foul if a defensive player merely looked at them wrong, but other quarterbacks are chopped and drilled and slapped and punched and bloodied in the name of “legal contact.”

Oh, and where is Brett Favre’s punishment for doing what he did. Granted, he may never face any legal action for what he allegedly did, but it’s on par with what Ben Roethlisberger supposedly did and he was given a six game suspension. I am neither defending nor condoning what Ben may or may not have done. I am merely pointing out a lateral argument. Both were involved with allegations of sexual harassment or conduct unbecoming an NFL player and yet Ben was given a six game, reduced to four, suspension and Brett has yet to see any kind of punishment and will probably retire before any is doled out. If there were any more contradictory behavior on the part of Goodell he would have ended up on my political list. But for now, he earns the praise as d-bag extraordinaire as a man in charge.

Black and Gold Digger

He take my money. Well, I'm in need.
Yeah, it's a trifling ball club indeed.
Nutting's a Black and Gold Digger way over time
That digs on me. 

Duke da bomb
Even got Maholm
Can't believe X Nady and Freddie are gone.

Sorry, Kanye, Imma let you finish but.... oh who am I kidding?  Go away.

Ahh, Spring Training. This is the time of year the last few diehard fans of the Pittsburgh Pirates love to see. Their love of the ball club is like Jeff Conaway’s love of pain killers. And they would be just as willing to throw themselves down the stairs of the Clemente Bridge to score some good seats to an afternoon game against Cincinnati Reds minor league team.
Now, last year the Bucs were able to get above .500 for the first time since 2007 but then April ended and so did that winning streak. They finished the season at .385 setting the record for the team with the most consecutive losing seasons in history, surpassing the Phillies record of 16 years. Hey, one more and that baby is legal.

And here’s an interesting statistic. The last time the Pirates had a winning season, which was back in 1992, they had a payroll for the players of $32 million. Guess what their payroll is for 2010… $36 million. Now 17 years ago, with that kind of cheddar they were able to afford Barry Bonds, Andy Van Slyke, Jose Lind, Orlando Merced, jay Bell, Tim Wakefield, and a young Lloyd McClendon. He played for four seasons in Pittsburgh and then managed for four seasons ten years later.

However, this year they have Zach Duke, Paul Maholm, Ryan Domut, and Andy LaRoche to pay so… wait $36 million. Oh, I thought there was a one in front of that number. No, that would have been the Chicago Cubs’ payroll. But with that big fat payroll the Battling Buccos were able to take down Manatee Community College. Take that 13th grade. I guess that pep talk that was given to the team is paying off in spades.

Look, we all know what is going to happen here, so why even get our hopes up. They will show some talent in Spring Training and perhaps win a few games in the Grapefruit League. They’ll come back to Pittsburgh and put on a great show and have some interesting promotions and giveaways. They’ll probably lose the home opener and then suddenly win three in a row and go up over .500. Then April will end and the real Pirates will show up. Yes, we’ll have some good players put on some impressive performances but the pitching staff will ultimately phone it in and by June we’ll be looking to trade our best players for some guy called Toby Named or we will be too busy watching the Penguins go for a fourth Stanley Cup to care. Meanwhile, Bob Nutting will be sitting in his office counting a big fat wad of cash infused by MLB profit sharing and by July. All that talk of dynasty won’t mean a damn thing once fair weather fans start migrating from the North Shore to St. Vincent’s. Soon, we’ll trade the last of our good players and we’ll slump into October as all the cool kids will be hanging out next door at Heinz Field. It’s the equivalent of sharing your birthday with a popular student and all your friends bail on the kick ass slumber party you planned because that kid has a Wii, a PS3, and all you have is an xBox 360.

18 years, 18 years, you've got season tix and they've been losing almost 18 years.

I know somebody payin' Nutting for one of his tix...

This talk of dynasty is ridiculous. The Pirates already have a dynasty. It’s called 17 seasons, soon to be 18, of sucktitude. Instead of “We Will” our slogan should be “We Suck” or “Who Cares?” It’s such a shame when there’s more fan enthusiasm for a group of pierogies running down the first base line than there is when a Pirate breaks the outfield with a hard line drive and the go ahead run is trying to score. Bob Nutting doesn’t seem to realize that we all know he’s a crook. The team is profitable whether or not we win any games. You have a built in base from season ticket holders and then the highest performing teams give money to the lowest performing teams. Unfortunately, that money doesn’t always go to improving the club with better players. It probably goes to paying for snow making machines up at Seven Springs… and this year they can redirect that money back into Nutting’s pocket because of all that damn snow we got .

Look no amount of Facebook groups, petitions, public outcry, or collective holding of breaths is going to change what is happening. Nutting would be a fool to sell the team because he hasn’t quite reached that level of diminishing returns yet. It’s a profitable ball club that sucks but pays. Mario Lemieux and Mark Cuban are not going to step and help out. We have a better shot of selling to another market and being moved but the price won’t be right. So just sit back and watch the suckfest as it nears its 18th season and curse Barry Bonds and Sid Bream all you want. Welcome to Pittsburgh, Three Rivers and one drain called PNC Park. “We Will Indeed”