2010 D-Bag Awards Round Seven: In Charge D-Bags

Those wacky CEOs. They’ve got the world on a string. And some of them are the biggest d-bags in business. Here’s the lowdown on the final round of nominations for the 2010 D-Bag Awards.

Steve Jobs
Normally, I wouldn’t care what Steve Jobs did. Normally, I’d be willing to praise Apple for what it has done in the tech sector. I loved my iPod and even though I am not a Mac user, I do like them in the case of doing graphic design. Well, that has all changed. 2010 was shining big ball of poop for the Apple CEO. Dating back to the invention of the iPhone, Apple has become a bit of a snob with its products. Yes, you can blame the issues with coverage on AT&T but the bottom line is that Apple is responsible for making that business decision to go solely with AT&T.

The latest version of the iPhone, called iPhone 4, had a huge flaw that was a tipping point for ole Stevie ending up on the list. The gap on the case caused dropped calls when you touched it. It’s not a flaw, it’s a feature, right? Wrong. As in, “You’re holding it wrong.” That was Steve’s message to the masses about the issue. Well, if you are using the phone as a phone and aren’t used to holding it with the particular hand that Jobs is telling people to use, then it’s a flaw, in my book. Telling people that they’re doing it wrong is not good customer service. It’s back peddling over an issue that you either knew about and tried to sneak past the censors or it’s something you were oblivious to and are now coming up with a story to cover your ass. Oh, and did I mention that Steve was detained in an airport following the discovery of ninja stars in his luggage? Steve said he’d never visit Japan again after being detained for trying to take the weapons aboard his own private jet. Um, just because it’s a private jet and it’s yours doesn’t mean you couldn’t decide to take them to another airport and do something. It would be nice if Japan decided to stop using Apple products in return. Hey, Steve. YOU are doing it wrong.

Bob Nutting
I so wanted to give the round to Bob. I really did. As a Pittsburgher and a once huge fan of the Pirates I really wanted to bring Bob down, but I couldn’t. First of all, I don’t have that kind of power. Secondly, it’s not like Bob doesn’t already know exactly what he is doing. He’s made losing a profitable science. 18 years. 18 YEARS of losing is what we are used to in Pittsburgh and we are not a town that understands losing for a profit. We went to the Super Bowl, on the road, as a sixth seed which did nothing to earn the city any money in tourist revenues and we were happy about it because it was about winning and being the best, not about money. Now, that’s not to say that the bottom line is that we don’t want the money. You need to pay the players and you need to fund the organization. However, when you specifically do what you can to lose which nets you millions in profit, that’s is worth of being a d-bag.

Now, I cannot say with 100% certainty that Bob Nutting is purposely trying to lose in order to keep his payroll low and turn a profit from season ticket sales and revenue sharing from the bigger market teams. But it does look to be a little suspicious. Oh, and how are Rinku and Dinesh doing? Oh, that’s right. You released Dinesh after the season. And Singh, well he was promoted to Class A Short-Season affiliate. Any chance He’ll be making it through to the big game?



And the winner is?



Roger Goodell
Again, I am a little bit biased because I am from Pittsburgh but I think it is safe to say that Roger Goodell is clearly the winner here. I have gone on, at length about how I despise him. I think he is turning the NFL into a ridiculous corporation bent on making money and not about upholding any values. He talks about wanting to protect the players from injury and yet wants to add two more bone crushing regular season games. If this year is any indication of how much the regular season punishes players then imagine going into weeks 18 and 19 with hardly any starters because of injury, not to mention playoffs. He talks about reckless tackling, leading with helmets and defenseless players, yet the officials do not call penalties on half of the more serious offenses to players such as personal fouls against certain quarterbacks. After all, someone as pretty as Tom Brady and as marketable as Peyton Manning would certainly draw a personal foul if a defensive player merely looked at them wrong, but other quarterbacks are chopped and drilled and slapped and punched and bloodied in the name of “legal contact.”

Oh, and where is Brett Favre’s punishment for doing what he did. Granted, he may never face any legal action for what he allegedly did, but it’s on par with what Ben Roethlisberger supposedly did and he was given a six game suspension. I am neither defending nor condoning what Ben may or may not have done. I am merely pointing out a lateral argument. Both were involved with allegations of sexual harassment or conduct unbecoming an NFL player and yet Ben was given a six game, reduced to four, suspension and Brett has yet to see any kind of punishment and will probably retire before any is doled out. If there were any more contradictory behavior on the part of Goodell he would have ended up on my political list. But for now, he earns the praise as d-bag extraordinaire as a man in charge.

No Apple, You're Doing It Wrong

The latest in technological gadgetry came out to a resounding…. OOOh, Awww, Dooohh! The iPhone 4 hit the shelves and even Jason Bateman had to have it so bad he was willing to endure the boo birds as he was given the opportunity to skip to the front of the long ass line. But as people flock and grab and go giddy over this new toy a problem has arisen. The signal may drop from holding the phone.

That’s right. You’re new iPhone may just end up being a smaller iPad. Why? From all the jargon and technical speak I’ve read it seems as though the constraints of building bigger and better devices in smaller spaces has caught up with smart phone makers. Requirements laid out by FCC and other bodies will only allow so much radiation and over scary words to penetrate the body so smart phones have had to move the antenna placement into the bottom of the phones. The iPhone 4 went rogue and put the antenna on the sides along the metal band that wraps around the casing. One side for Bluetooth and Wi-Fi, the other for cellular reception.

Pretty heady concept, but realistically, I guess it has to make sense since I don’t remember the last time I used a mobile device that had an antenna sticking out of it. Great, now I’ve got nothing to chew on. The problem with the iPhone is that there is a small gap that can be bridged by your hand that may [read: most likely] cause you to drop a call.

Apple owned up to the issue [read: feature] after people complained. For once, AT&T wasn’t to blame but I’m sure people were quick to grab some pitchforks and torches. Nope, Jobs pretty much said that it’s most likely user error. In other words, “We screwed up trying this new idea and we pretty much think you’ll still buy the damn thing because you guys are addicted to crack and Steve Jobs is the biggest dealer around.” And sales haven’t slumped by the looks of it, so people are willing to put up with the possibility that the iPhone may not actually work as a phone.

Now, that’s not to say that Steve Jobs didn’t address the problem and offer a solution. The man who can do no wrong, and I give the guy somewhat of a pass for taking on cancer, has a fix for the masses of angry consumers. “You’re holding it wrong.” Steve, I’m sorry, I must have bad reception, did you say what I think you said? Oh, right, it’s our fault. That makes sense. I mean from every commercial we’ve seen we learned how to hold the phone so I guess we can say, “I learned it by watching you!” The other more MacGyver-y fix is to put a piece of scotch tape over the hole, bridging the gap and keeping your mouth breathing, sweaty palm, window licking self from causing the problem. Or, you could put more money into the pocket of someone by getting a rubber case.

My solution? Buy something else. Vote with your wallet. At least never buy the first version of anything new that comes down the pike. The 2.0 version of the IFailed 4 will probably fix the issue and all those early birds will have to buy a new one. It’s called genius marketing. Put out a device that just makes it worth buying and then bring out another version that addresses all the public’s concerns and at least half of those people will buy the newer device as well. It’s like the home movie industry rereleasing new DVDs of the same old movies, now with more bonus features. How many versions of the same movie do you need to own before the Ultimate-Directors Cut-Unrated-Double Wide version finally gives you what you want from a movie that you will probably watch once and then never again?

So, frankly, my comment to Apple is “You’re Doing It Wrong” yet we still buy the crack because we are all Tyrone Biggums and Apple is throwing a Free Crack Party. I just wish they’d release a phone that actually functioned as a phone. I mean isn’t that why they call it a Phone in the name of the device? Can you hear me now, Steve? Am I holding this thing right?

Probably not.

Apple Launches the iPad or a Big Ass Button Remote Control

Apple finally launched the iPad.  What I find extremely ironic or perhaps morbid is that Steve Jobs looked as thin as it did during the unveiling.   To his credit, he is surviving pancreatic cancer and had a liver transplant but still it was a bit off putting to see him turn sideways and disappear.   The iPad is supposed to combine a bunch of different concepts into one device.  iPhone, web browser, book reader, email, etc., etc., etc.

Frankly, it doesn't look all that impressive except for the lower than expected price.  For $499, the entry level model is a 16GB version.  For the 64GB version you'll pay $699.  For a pay as you go data package you'll pay $14.99 or $29.99 for unlimited usage.  And don't expect to be able to use your provider for internet, unless you have AT & T.   I expect your billing statement will probably be thicker than the device.  Lastly, for those of you expecting some space age revolutionary looking tablet, guess again.  You've already seen this one in a smaller version, the iPhone.  Hell, I've seen the droid do the same stuff and it fits in your pocket.

If you really wanted to be innovative, Steve, you should have also packaged it as an LCD monitor.   Think about it.   You come home to a television stand that displays what looks like a flat screen television.  You spend a few minutes watching the news and decide you want to cap off the night by reading a book.  So, you walk to the television and lift it off its cradle.  You turn it on its end and use your finger to flip through the pages of an exciting novel or search out clues to the final season of LOST.   When you're done, you simply return the device back to its cradle to charge and act like a television again. 

Now that would have been something to see.  Instead we get the following.

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