Seriously. I’m ready. Winter had its chance. By my own standards, which should be mandated and followed, snow should be allowed from Thanksgiving until January 15th. During that time, Mother Nature has free reign to produce as much snow as possible. Why? Because that’s when it’s pretty and fluffy and fun. That’s when it looks like something out of a Thomas Kinkade painting and doesn’t make you depressed because it’s like ‘effin’ Winter man. Then after January 15th, it needs to stop snowing and begin to warm up into Spring, so that by March it’s like 40 degrees in the middle of the afternoon.
Around here, it can be 70 ‘effin’ degrees on a Monday in January and then minus a gagillion (make that number real, damnit!) by Friday with three feet of snow on top of a foot of ice with small children trapped in it like a Jello mold.
Then it just gets dark and dreary and windy and icy and your fingers crack and break off in door handles. Then you have people walking around with blue stumps for digits. You drive around with enough salt caked on your car to give the Jolly Green Giant high blood pressure. The ash from the trucks sticks to everything and it looks like Pepperland after the Blue Meanies rolled through. That shit gets old, real quick.
Then in February, when we start to think about Spring and cabin fever sets in, Mother Nature starts ragging it and gets all pissed off at us and decides to dump three feet on us, closing schools for a week. Parents who just got their sanity back from Christmas break start reaching for a bottle and a razor blade because the kids can’t go outside. I mean how can they, the door is blocked by three feet of snow and the windows can’t open.
This past weekend is a perfect example. Thursday and Friday were cold and the rain became a wintry mix with coated our cars with a shell of ice, topped by snow on Saturday. Then, Sunday, temperatures climbed out of the cellar and everything started to melt. Now, it’s raining and somewhere around 40 degrees and the forecast has the high at 52 degrees, although it comes with the chance of thunderstorms. What the hell?
Can we at least have some consistency? How about 34 degrees, cloudy, and a chance of rain, on some days, for another month?
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Showing posts with label weather. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weather. Show all posts
Monday, January 23, 2012
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
WUMF: May Edition
Another month, another WUMF. So, what's happening my little droogies?
That much, huh?
May has been one of those weird months. I probably say that every WUMF update but really, May was weird.
1. Mother Nature is ragging it extra hard.
I know I added Mother Nature to the list of nominees for the d-bag of the year award in my last update. But May was an even bigger nature fail. Between the flooding along the mighty Mississippi to the destructive tornadoes that ravaged Joplin, Missouri, Mother Nature has been asserting her will upon us. Somewhere, Mark Wahlberg is saying the trees are out to get us.
Remember, you can donate to the Red Cross by texting 90999 from your mobile phone or by going to the Red Cross website and donating from there, if you’re like me and don’t have a data plan.
2. From Super Bowl MVP to Mirror Ball Champ
This past season of Dancing With the Stars was a little more exciting than the past couple. First of all, I wasn’t planning on ever watching the show again because that was my Mother-in-law’s thing. We would all go out to dinner on Tuesday nights and have to get our asses moving so she could see the elimination. Frankly, that show could be condensed into one hour. They really drag things out and plug a lot of commercials for it which is a drag for me.
However, since it was announced that Hines Ward would be competing, I figured I’d give it another go. Still, I would just put my cable box on ABC and do whatever. Then I would go back and find his dances, watch them and move on to something else. Usually, I am on the Wii with my Father-in-law hunting any manner of animal and would pause to go back and let my wife watch the dances.
Both those concepts bring me to my entire point. With the NFL in lockout mode, the athletes are kind of just left out in the cold. While other Steelers are tweeting and making the PR team within the front office spin their heads around, Hines did something constructive, if not a bit egotistical. He went out in front of millions of people and entered a dancing competition.
Now, there are guys; those manly man with man hands, rough from working in the pits of blue collar America who will sit there and say, “Yinz are crazy if yinz think I’m gonna be watchin’ Hines twirl arahnd like a ballerina on that Dancing show, n’at.” Fine. Be that way.
Then there are those guys that think that Hines being on DWTS somehow makes him less of a man. Well, especially since he cried real manly tears after his partner got hurt. However, I dare any one of those supposed butch men to walk up to Lynn Swann or Eric Dickerson and call them something akin to being soft. See how well that goes for you. Ballroom or Latin dancing is not akin to putting on tights and prancing around on Swan Lake. It is a workout. It is a hard thing. It is manly. It takes a lot of skill and discipline to do the amount of work he did in the amount of time he had to do it. Lay off of him for that. Besides, we know you watched when he was in the finals. Come out of the television reality/competition closet and admit it. He was good. He deserved to win. However, I don’t think Pittsburgh needs to have a parade to celebrate that fact.
The fact is that if there is a football season, this year, Hines will be in better shape at training camp than he’s been in years. Truthfully, he’s going to need it to continue to compete against the young guys.
3. Not a Fan
As I have said before I listen to 93.7 The Fan on my way to and from work. I am not usually a guy who would call into a show because a lot of the Fan is bullshit. They start these inane topics, sometimes one that incite certain feelings on either end of the spectrum baiting people to call in to air their opinion. Half of the time, they pull the pin on a grenade and then toss it into a Zambelli warehouse and watch the show.
Case in point, they ran a topic a couple of weeks ago asking fans to weigh in on who their most hated sports figure is. It would be easy for me to say Tom Brady, Chad Johnson or Ray Lewis. But I had a more entertaining story to tell. That is one I have often told to people as well as posting it on this blog.
How funny would it be to get onto a live radio program and tell them that I hate Rocky Bleier? I don’t, of course. I would simply tell the tale of how my wife hates Rocky Bleier, even to this day. It’s an awesome story with a great ending. So, I called in to the show. I actually got through on the third try and they put me on hold.
The thing to remember about calling into this show is that their hold music is the show, so you can turn down your radio to eliminate feedback, considering they are on a delay in order to be able to censor anything inappropriate. So, I sat in traffic from the Forbes Ave exit through the Squirrel Hill tunnels, waiting to get on the air. During this time, Joe Starkey, John Seibel and Josh Miller all bandied around their picks and their critiques of other people’s picks. They went to a few commercials and really didn’t take a lot of calls, infuriating me.
As to not sound like a jackass, which I am prone to do in public speaking venues if I don’t rehearse; I ran through my tale to cut it down for time and clarity. After waiting about 20 minutes, I had the feeling they were finally coming to me. Then I heard, “Was that [my name] we cut off…” and the phone went dead.
I waited twenty minutes to be hung up on by a D-bag DJ. Thanks a lot guys. I had an awesome story and you blew it. I will never call in again… well, maybe once to tell Ron Cook and Andrew Fillipponi they are the biggest idiots in sports radio.
4. The Rapture That Wasn't
We all survived. Didn't we? I was a little worried there because the Monday and Tuesday after the supposed Rapture, I saw little traffic on my way to and from work. For about a minute I was convinced that maybe it did happen and I could coast my way in under an hour. No such luck. By Wednesday, traffic was back to normal and on Friday, it took me over two hours to get home.
It was unreal. I didn't find out about an accident at Edgewood / Swissvale until I was past the I-79 exit. Not that it would have mattered since there was an accident at the S-curve of I-79 North, backing up traffic there. I hit the standstill at the end of the Fort Pitt Bridge and made the gutsy move to try and traverse downtown in favor of the Strip District in order to go through Bloomfield and Shadyside. That was a big mistake, too. I made it to Point Breeze and Penn Ave was at a standstill because of an accident up in Wilkinsburg. I was sitting at lights sometimes two or three cycles long. I eventually decided to bypass traffic using a side street. Here's a tip for you, if you ever try doing this, always turn right. I turned left and when I decided to get back on Penn, I had to fight against traffic to turn left and nearly got creamed by a PAT bus looking to run the red light.
Anyway, back to the Rapture. When is the class action lawsuit, I wonder. After all, Harold Camping made a ton of money off of promoting the coming of the rapture. Granted, he neither explicitly asked for money and what monies he did receive were mostly used for advertising. However, he probably came away with a lot of cash for his radio network and organization. So, my question is, "What does God need with a starship?"
That obscure reference is to Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. In the inferior, odd numbered, sequel in the series, the Enterprise is hijacked in order to find the location of Sha Ka Ree, the place of creation in the universe. On the planet, they supposedly find God who needs a starship to leave the planet. Well, you get the idea. My use of that quote asks what does Harold Camping need with money if he plans to be taken in the Rapture? He can't spend it. He can't take it with him.
So, why do people feel compelled to give him money? Are they simply adults who are capable of their own actions or are they people who have been suckered based upon the playing on their devout beliefs of salvation through cryptic biblical references? For the most part I think people should be responsible for their own actions but if a relative of mine was duped in a scam because they went after a weak spot in their armor, like family or faith, you better believe I'd be on the scammer like a fat kid on cake.
In any case, we get another shot in October for Camping to be right. And when that day comes to pass and we're all still here, maybe someone will go after this guy full force. He was wrong in 1994 and didn't make another prediction until 2011. Now, he's got a second prediction six months away. Seems if he knows his time on this Earth is about up and I don't think because he knows when the Rapture is.
And that’s another WUMF update for you. See you next month.
That much, huh?
May has been one of those weird months. I probably say that every WUMF update but really, May was weird.
1. Mother Nature is ragging it extra hard.
I know I added Mother Nature to the list of nominees for the d-bag of the year award in my last update. But May was an even bigger nature fail. Between the flooding along the mighty Mississippi to the destructive tornadoes that ravaged Joplin, Missouri, Mother Nature has been asserting her will upon us. Somewhere, Mark Wahlberg is saying the trees are out to get us.
Remember, you can donate to the Red Cross by texting 90999 from your mobile phone or by going to the Red Cross website and donating from there, if you’re like me and don’t have a data plan.
2. From Super Bowl MVP to Mirror Ball Champ
This past season of Dancing With the Stars was a little more exciting than the past couple. First of all, I wasn’t planning on ever watching the show again because that was my Mother-in-law’s thing. We would all go out to dinner on Tuesday nights and have to get our asses moving so she could see the elimination. Frankly, that show could be condensed into one hour. They really drag things out and plug a lot of commercials for it which is a drag for me.
However, since it was announced that Hines Ward would be competing, I figured I’d give it another go. Still, I would just put my cable box on ABC and do whatever. Then I would go back and find his dances, watch them and move on to something else. Usually, I am on the Wii with my Father-in-law hunting any manner of animal and would pause to go back and let my wife watch the dances.
Both those concepts bring me to my entire point. With the NFL in lockout mode, the athletes are kind of just left out in the cold. While other Steelers are tweeting and making the PR team within the front office spin their heads around, Hines did something constructive, if not a bit egotistical. He went out in front of millions of people and entered a dancing competition.
Now, there are guys; those manly man with man hands, rough from working in the pits of blue collar America who will sit there and say, “Yinz are crazy if yinz think I’m gonna be watchin’ Hines twirl arahnd like a ballerina on that Dancing show, n’at.” Fine. Be that way.
Then there are those guys that think that Hines being on DWTS somehow makes him less of a man. Well, especially since he cried real manly tears after his partner got hurt. However, I dare any one of those supposed butch men to walk up to Lynn Swann or Eric Dickerson and call them something akin to being soft. See how well that goes for you. Ballroom or Latin dancing is not akin to putting on tights and prancing around on Swan Lake. It is a workout. It is a hard thing. It is manly. It takes a lot of skill and discipline to do the amount of work he did in the amount of time he had to do it. Lay off of him for that. Besides, we know you watched when he was in the finals. Come out of the television reality/competition closet and admit it. He was good. He deserved to win. However, I don’t think Pittsburgh needs to have a parade to celebrate that fact.
The fact is that if there is a football season, this year, Hines will be in better shape at training camp than he’s been in years. Truthfully, he’s going to need it to continue to compete against the young guys.
3. Not a Fan
As I have said before I listen to 93.7 The Fan on my way to and from work. I am not usually a guy who would call into a show because a lot of the Fan is bullshit. They start these inane topics, sometimes one that incite certain feelings on either end of the spectrum baiting people to call in to air their opinion. Half of the time, they pull the pin on a grenade and then toss it into a Zambelli warehouse and watch the show.
Case in point, they ran a topic a couple of weeks ago asking fans to weigh in on who their most hated sports figure is. It would be easy for me to say Tom Brady, Chad Johnson or Ray Lewis. But I had a more entertaining story to tell. That is one I have often told to people as well as posting it on this blog.
How funny would it be to get onto a live radio program and tell them that I hate Rocky Bleier? I don’t, of course. I would simply tell the tale of how my wife hates Rocky Bleier, even to this day. It’s an awesome story with a great ending. So, I called in to the show. I actually got through on the third try and they put me on hold.
The thing to remember about calling into this show is that their hold music is the show, so you can turn down your radio to eliminate feedback, considering they are on a delay in order to be able to censor anything inappropriate. So, I sat in traffic from the Forbes Ave exit through the Squirrel Hill tunnels, waiting to get on the air. During this time, Joe Starkey, John Seibel and Josh Miller all bandied around their picks and their critiques of other people’s picks. They went to a few commercials and really didn’t take a lot of calls, infuriating me.
As to not sound like a jackass, which I am prone to do in public speaking venues if I don’t rehearse; I ran through my tale to cut it down for time and clarity. After waiting about 20 minutes, I had the feeling they were finally coming to me. Then I heard, “Was that [my name] we cut off…” and the phone went dead.
I waited twenty minutes to be hung up on by a D-bag DJ. Thanks a lot guys. I had an awesome story and you blew it. I will never call in again… well, maybe once to tell Ron Cook and Andrew Fillipponi they are the biggest idiots in sports radio.
4. The Rapture That Wasn't
We all survived. Didn't we? I was a little worried there because the Monday and Tuesday after the supposed Rapture, I saw little traffic on my way to and from work. For about a minute I was convinced that maybe it did happen and I could coast my way in under an hour. No such luck. By Wednesday, traffic was back to normal and on Friday, it took me over two hours to get home.
It was unreal. I didn't find out about an accident at Edgewood / Swissvale until I was past the I-79 exit. Not that it would have mattered since there was an accident at the S-curve of I-79 North, backing up traffic there. I hit the standstill at the end of the Fort Pitt Bridge and made the gutsy move to try and traverse downtown in favor of the Strip District in order to go through Bloomfield and Shadyside. That was a big mistake, too. I made it to Point Breeze and Penn Ave was at a standstill because of an accident up in Wilkinsburg. I was sitting at lights sometimes two or three cycles long. I eventually decided to bypass traffic using a side street. Here's a tip for you, if you ever try doing this, always turn right. I turned left and when I decided to get back on Penn, I had to fight against traffic to turn left and nearly got creamed by a PAT bus looking to run the red light.
Anyway, back to the Rapture. When is the class action lawsuit, I wonder. After all, Harold Camping made a ton of money off of promoting the coming of the rapture. Granted, he neither explicitly asked for money and what monies he did receive were mostly used for advertising. However, he probably came away with a lot of cash for his radio network and organization. So, my question is, "What does God need with a starship?"
That obscure reference is to Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. In the inferior, odd numbered, sequel in the series, the Enterprise is hijacked in order to find the location of Sha Ka Ree, the place of creation in the universe. On the planet, they supposedly find God who needs a starship to leave the planet. Well, you get the idea. My use of that quote asks what does Harold Camping need with money if he plans to be taken in the Rapture? He can't spend it. He can't take it with him.
So, why do people feel compelled to give him money? Are they simply adults who are capable of their own actions or are they people who have been suckered based upon the playing on their devout beliefs of salvation through cryptic biblical references? For the most part I think people should be responsible for their own actions but if a relative of mine was duped in a scam because they went after a weak spot in their armor, like family or faith, you better believe I'd be on the scammer like a fat kid on cake.
In any case, we get another shot in October for Camping to be right. And when that day comes to pass and we're all still here, maybe someone will go after this guy full force. He was wrong in 1994 and didn't make another prediction until 2011. Now, he's got a second prediction six months away. Seems if he knows his time on this Earth is about up and I don't think because he knows when the Rapture is.
And that’s another WUMF update for you. See you next month.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
WUMF: April Edition
End of April already?
WOW. That means another Edition of WUMF is in order. For those of you just tuning in, smack yo selves!
I’ll wait. Make it a good one.
There. Better?
OK, like I said, for those of you just tuning in, WUMF stands for What’s Up My Friends. Basically, this is me just phoning in a post at the end of the month that ties up some loose stuff that happened which didn’t constitute a full post or at least didn’t happen because I was lazy.
1. Mother Nature Just Made the D-Bag Awards Ballot
This past month’s weather has been ridiculous and coupled with last month’s tornado here in my area, Mother Nature has secured her place on the D-Bag of the Year awards for 2011. Between the Earthquake and Tsunami in Japan, the tornadoes that ripped through the south and especially the one mile wide EF5 Tornado that just engulfed Tuscaloosa Alabama there is mounting evidence that Mother Nature is pissed off this year.
2. Hooked on Phonics and Beer Works For My Kid
Last month my kid’s KinderCare teacher sent home a progress report stating that she has not been mastering such concepts like creativity or spelling. After putting aside the ‘My kid is a genius, you’re wrong!’ mentality, I began questioning my daughter on why she doesn’t seem to be showing how smart she is in school.
Her answers amounted to, “I don’t like answering the teacher when she asks me those questions.” That tells me that she knows the answers but just doesn’t want to be an organ grinder monkey and perform on cue.
First, her creativity and ability to solve problems in a creative manner shone through this Easter as she decorated the house, on her own using an empty Scooby-Doo Rohgurt box and a Silly Bandz to create a hanging decoration. She realized that the open flap of the box wouldn’t hang on the nail, so she attached the Silly Bandz as a way to hang on the nail.
Next we worked on letters and numbers. We’ve been working in a book that has all kinds of activities surrounding letters and numbers. She does a pretty mean connect the dots exercise, calling out all the letters and numbers by name. However, the most impressive feat of intelligence was being able to spell “Pittsburgh”, “Steelers”, and “Moosehead” from the various signs around the restaurant/bar that we often go to for dinner. We didn’t even have to prompt her. She willingly says, “That is spelled…” So, it’s not that she’s dumb. She would rather do it on her own time… at the bar.
3. Golf Season starts for the Penguins
Last night was a frustrating loss at the hands of the Tampa Bay Lightning. Considering how the Pens got to the playoffs after losing Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin to injuries and Matt Cooke to stupidity I can say that they really did perform beyond expectations. This is a team that found a way to win during the regular season with so many issues. However, when you get to playoff hockey, you need a little more. They just didn’t have it. Haters will say, “Kovalev did nothing.” “Neal underperformed.” “Fleury fell apart.” “The fans lost faith.” And there is some truth to that. But the reality is that this team did way more than it should have done, given its makeup and they were playing with House Money.
Tampa Bay is not a Stanley Cup winning team, this year. They aren’t. But they were better than the Pens and managed to overcome a three game deficit and win.
Game Sevens are notoriously bad luck for the Pens and yet it should never have come to that. Fleury shares some blame for that but the scoring was just not there. You cannot expect a team to go into a playoff run without having the ability to score on the Power Play. For as much blame as there is to be heaped on Fleury, who played awesomely during Game Seven, there is just as much blame to be placed on the offense. Now, Fleury did fall for that play behind the net leading to Tampa Bay’s only score of the game. We saw that in Game Si. But the defense should have picked up the blind spot and let Fleury try to follow the puck if they happened to not pull off that move and wrap around the front.
Finally, it was not meant to be. Believing this team could win a Stanley Cup was wishful thinking, at best. It is a better thing that they would not have had to face The Caps in round two, because the disappointment would have been all that much greater. There would have been hopes that Crosby would have come back to square off against Ovie and had he not, it would have crushed the city that much more. Let him take the off season to fully recover from the concussions and we’ll try again next year. Just do me a favor, powers that be, do not schedule Pensguins' playoff hockey games on the same night as Pirates games. It seems that every time the Pirates would win, the Pens would lose. Pittsburgh has somehow fallen off its axis and PAT buses, all three of them have started sliding up the sides of skyscrapers, Inception style.
4. Bailey, Pick Up Line One
Some outfit with the University of Chicago keeps calling my house to do a survey about kids. After the first couple of times of getting no messages on my machine I called them back. I asked them to take my number off the list and they said sure. They promptly called two more times the next week. I answered one of them and asked them again to remove my number from their list. They promptly called me two more times this week.
My daughter got a tape recorder for Easter. My mother read a bunch of books and recorded her voice to tape for my kid to play and read along. While this may seem like a totally unrelated piece of useless information, I plan on putting a blank tape in the recorder and waiting until the next time the bastards call back. Then, I’ll let my kid answer the phone and record the call from the phone in the other room. Hilarity will ensue and maybe they’ll get the point.
Here’s to May.
WOW. That means another Edition of WUMF is in order. For those of you just tuning in, smack yo selves!
I’ll wait. Make it a good one.
There. Better?
OK, like I said, for those of you just tuning in, WUMF stands for What’s Up My Friends. Basically, this is me just phoning in a post at the end of the month that ties up some loose stuff that happened which didn’t constitute a full post or at least didn’t happen because I was lazy.
1. Mother Nature Just Made the D-Bag Awards Ballot
This past month’s weather has been ridiculous and coupled with last month’s tornado here in my area, Mother Nature has secured her place on the D-Bag of the Year awards for 2011. Between the Earthquake and Tsunami in Japan, the tornadoes that ripped through the south and especially the one mile wide EF5 Tornado that just engulfed Tuscaloosa Alabama there is mounting evidence that Mother Nature is pissed off this year.
Last month my kid’s KinderCare teacher sent home a progress report stating that she has not been mastering such concepts like creativity or spelling. After putting aside the ‘My kid is a genius, you’re wrong!’ mentality, I began questioning my daughter on why she doesn’t seem to be showing how smart she is in school.
Her answers amounted to, “I don’t like answering the teacher when she asks me those questions.” That tells me that she knows the answers but just doesn’t want to be an organ grinder monkey and perform on cue.
First, her creativity and ability to solve problems in a creative manner shone through this Easter as she decorated the house, on her own using an empty Scooby-Doo Rohgurt box and a Silly Bandz to create a hanging decoration. She realized that the open flap of the box wouldn’t hang on the nail, so she attached the Silly Bandz as a way to hang on the nail.
Next we worked on letters and numbers. We’ve been working in a book that has all kinds of activities surrounding letters and numbers. She does a pretty mean connect the dots exercise, calling out all the letters and numbers by name. However, the most impressive feat of intelligence was being able to spell “Pittsburgh”, “Steelers”, and “Moosehead” from the various signs around the restaurant/bar that we often go to for dinner. We didn’t even have to prompt her. She willingly says, “That is spelled…” So, it’s not that she’s dumb. She would rather do it on her own time… at the bar.
3. Golf Season starts for the Penguins
Last night was a frustrating loss at the hands of the Tampa Bay Lightning. Considering how the Pens got to the playoffs after losing Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin to injuries and Matt Cooke to stupidity I can say that they really did perform beyond expectations. This is a team that found a way to win during the regular season with so many issues. However, when you get to playoff hockey, you need a little more. They just didn’t have it. Haters will say, “Kovalev did nothing.” “Neal underperformed.” “Fleury fell apart.” “The fans lost faith.” And there is some truth to that. But the reality is that this team did way more than it should have done, given its makeup and they were playing with House Money.
Tampa Bay is not a Stanley Cup winning team, this year. They aren’t. But they were better than the Pens and managed to overcome a three game deficit and win.
Game Sevens are notoriously bad luck for the Pens and yet it should never have come to that. Fleury shares some blame for that but the scoring was just not there. You cannot expect a team to go into a playoff run without having the ability to score on the Power Play. For as much blame as there is to be heaped on Fleury, who played awesomely during Game Seven, there is just as much blame to be placed on the offense. Now, Fleury did fall for that play behind the net leading to Tampa Bay’s only score of the game. We saw that in Game Si. But the defense should have picked up the blind spot and let Fleury try to follow the puck if they happened to not pull off that move and wrap around the front.
Finally, it was not meant to be. Believing this team could win a Stanley Cup was wishful thinking, at best. It is a better thing that they would not have had to face The Caps in round two, because the disappointment would have been all that much greater. There would have been hopes that Crosby would have come back to square off against Ovie and had he not, it would have crushed the city that much more. Let him take the off season to fully recover from the concussions and we’ll try again next year. Just do me a favor, powers that be, do not schedule Pensguins' playoff hockey games on the same night as Pirates games. It seems that every time the Pirates would win, the Pens would lose. Pittsburgh has somehow fallen off its axis and PAT buses, all three of them have started sliding up the sides of skyscrapers, Inception style.
4. Bailey, Pick Up Line One
Some outfit with the University of Chicago keeps calling my house to do a survey about kids. After the first couple of times of getting no messages on my machine I called them back. I asked them to take my number off the list and they said sure. They promptly called two more times the next week. I answered one of them and asked them again to remove my number from their list. They promptly called me two more times this week.
My daughter got a tape recorder for Easter. My mother read a bunch of books and recorded her voice to tape for my kid to play and read along. While this may seem like a totally unrelated piece of useless information, I plan on putting a blank tape in the recorder and waiting until the next time the bastards call back. Then, I’ll let my kid answer the phone and record the call from the phone in the other room. Hilarity will ensue and maybe they’ll get the point.
Here’s to May.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
WUMF: March Edition
Here it is, the end of March and coming at you is another edition of ‘What’s Up, My Friends?’.
I feel like such a lazy blogger. I’ve noticed the lack of posts these last couple of months and thought, “Am I really doing justice to my readers?”. Looking back at this month and February, I averaged about six posts each. In January, I had 10. Last year, I was averaging around 11 or 12 a month. I just don’t have the free time. So, am I slacking at blogging or doing extra ‘real’ work that cuts into my time? How about ‘C: All of the above’?
1. Pray for Japan
The biggest news this month was of course, the devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan. I cannot imagine going through that level of destruction and having a positive attitude. The cascading effect on the people and the commerce of Japan was tremendous and my heart goes out to them. Earlier in the month I made a donation on behalf of the shirt shops, contributing a dollar from every sale I had over a weekend. I ended up at 26 sales but rounded up to $30 just to be karmically balanced. Had this happened in December, I probably would have topped out around $70. That just goes to show you how sluggish sales are this time of year.
Still, there are a lot of shirt brands out there donating money towards disaster relief and the major players, CafePress and Zazzle have information about the cause.
2. OHMAHGAWD, It’s a Tornado!
Not quite as devastating as Japan’s earthquake and at least funnier and more politically correct than Gilbert Gottfried, a lot of national attention went to my little corner of the world, Southwestern PA This was thanks to a tornado that touched down about 11 miles from my house. The comedy comes from a viral video taken by a kid on his cell phone and it went all the way to CNN.
Of course, I had to jump on it with a shirt.
Like I said, it was still a devastating event, as you’ll see from the video. Many homes were damaged and even destroyed. Yet, when you get a little excited and express yourself in true Pittsburghese, you have comedy gold. OMG TORNADO! More intense than a double rainbow.
3. Minecraft is a hell of a drug
My last post was dedicated to my newest addiction, Minecraft. Well, I can’t help but talk about this game. In fact, I have become so addicted to playing and watching the Yogscast videos that I now swear in a British accent whenever something happens to me. In fact, I have a tendency to look on my kid as she’s built a pretty amazing house out of blocks and say, “That’s a nice everything you have there. It’d be a shame if something happened to it.’
Maybe this is where all my free time went to. Yes, I'm sure of it. Now, just one more block.
4. S#!t My Kid Says
One last thing about my kid. Apparently, she is learning how to use words to make bigger ones. We were coming home one night and the police showed up at my neighbor's house. As I was getting the little one out of the car she noticed the police officer standing on the neighbor's porch. Without missing a beat, she says, "Hey, What is that butthole doing over there?" That's not the best part. She knows to say butt instead of ass but she's never put it into a bigger word.
5. Who the Hell is Kurt Russel?
Being 36, I am bound to transition into that state where I am working with people much younger than myself. In my last job, I ended up reporting to people who were younger than I am. I don't know. Maybe it's the anti-authoritarian in me, but reporting to people younger than myself leads to a little less respect for them. It's not that I disrespect their abilities or experience... OK, maybe it is. It's just that I look at younger people and have a little bit of arrogance towards them. That's my own problem, I guess. It was especially at a company where I, not only, was older but had been in the company longer.
Still, I do what I can to help get the youth of America by culturing them when I can. Sometimes they surprise me or show me something new, but in most cases I am showing them something old.
Case in point, a coworker made the remark that she wanted to see Gone With the Wind because it was a classic. Yes, it is a classic but that's not the only reason to see it. If you are truly interested in movies, then by all means, see it. It is part of the Golden Age of movies with grandeur all around it. The sets, the sweeping music, the classic performances, and the history it brings. But, sometimes, we use the word classic to dilution. AMC shows Will Ferrell movies and they call them classics.
So, I suggested seeing a lot of movies that I would consider classic just to give some scope to the term. This ended up leading to a conversation about John Carpenter. John Carpenter has made some cult classics. The Thing is one of my favorites with one of my favorite actors, Kurt Russell.
AT this point, she said, "Who?" I totally facepalmed on that statement. She is 24 years old and has never seen The Thing, Escape From New York, Big Trouble in Little China, Tombstone, or even Overboard. That is a travesty in and of itself. So, I am going to lend her my copy of The Thing and we'll go from there.
Take care everyone.
I feel like such a lazy blogger. I’ve noticed the lack of posts these last couple of months and thought, “Am I really doing justice to my readers?”. Looking back at this month and February, I averaged about six posts each. In January, I had 10. Last year, I was averaging around 11 or 12 a month. I just don’t have the free time. So, am I slacking at blogging or doing extra ‘real’ work that cuts into my time? How about ‘C: All of the above’?
1. Pray for Japan
The biggest news this month was of course, the devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan. I cannot imagine going through that level of destruction and having a positive attitude. The cascading effect on the people and the commerce of Japan was tremendous and my heart goes out to them. Earlier in the month I made a donation on behalf of the shirt shops, contributing a dollar from every sale I had over a weekend. I ended up at 26 sales but rounded up to $30 just to be karmically balanced. Had this happened in December, I probably would have topped out around $70. That just goes to show you how sluggish sales are this time of year.
Still, there are a lot of shirt brands out there donating money towards disaster relief and the major players, CafePress and Zazzle have information about the cause.
2. OHMAHGAWD, It’s a Tornado!
Not quite as devastating as Japan’s earthquake and at least funnier and more politically correct than Gilbert Gottfried, a lot of national attention went to my little corner of the world, Southwestern PA This was thanks to a tornado that touched down about 11 miles from my house. The comedy comes from a viral video taken by a kid on his cell phone and it went all the way to CNN.
Of course, I had to jump on it with a shirt.
Like I said, it was still a devastating event, as you’ll see from the video. Many homes were damaged and even destroyed. Yet, when you get a little excited and express yourself in true Pittsburghese, you have comedy gold. OMG TORNADO! More intense than a double rainbow.
3. Minecraft is a hell of a drug
My last post was dedicated to my newest addiction, Minecraft. Well, I can’t help but talk about this game. In fact, I have become so addicted to playing and watching the Yogscast videos that I now swear in a British accent whenever something happens to me. In fact, I have a tendency to look on my kid as she’s built a pretty amazing house out of blocks and say, “That’s a nice everything you have there. It’d be a shame if something happened to it.’
Maybe this is where all my free time went to. Yes, I'm sure of it. Now, just one more block.
4. S#!t My Kid Says
One last thing about my kid. Apparently, she is learning how to use words to make bigger ones. We were coming home one night and the police showed up at my neighbor's house. As I was getting the little one out of the car she noticed the police officer standing on the neighbor's porch. Without missing a beat, she says, "Hey, What is that butthole doing over there?" That's not the best part. She knows to say butt instead of ass but she's never put it into a bigger word.
5. Who the Hell is Kurt Russel?
Being 36, I am bound to transition into that state where I am working with people much younger than myself. In my last job, I ended up reporting to people who were younger than I am. I don't know. Maybe it's the anti-authoritarian in me, but reporting to people younger than myself leads to a little less respect for them. It's not that I disrespect their abilities or experience... OK, maybe it is. It's just that I look at younger people and have a little bit of arrogance towards them. That's my own problem, I guess. It was especially at a company where I, not only, was older but had been in the company longer.
Still, I do what I can to help get the youth of America by culturing them when I can. Sometimes they surprise me or show me something new, but in most cases I am showing them something old.
Case in point, a coworker made the remark that she wanted to see Gone With the Wind because it was a classic. Yes, it is a classic but that's not the only reason to see it. If you are truly interested in movies, then by all means, see it. It is part of the Golden Age of movies with grandeur all around it. The sets, the sweeping music, the classic performances, and the history it brings. But, sometimes, we use the word classic to dilution. AMC shows Will Ferrell movies and they call them classics.
So, I suggested seeing a lot of movies that I would consider classic just to give some scope to the term. This ended up leading to a conversation about John Carpenter. John Carpenter has made some cult classics. The Thing is one of my favorites with one of my favorite actors, Kurt Russell.
AT this point, she said, "Who?" I totally facepalmed on that statement. She is 24 years old and has never seen The Thing, Escape From New York, Big Trouble in Little China, Tombstone, or even Overboard. That is a travesty in and of itself. So, I am going to lend her my copy of The Thing and we'll go from there.
Take care everyone.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
How Hot Is It?
It’s apparently so hot in the Pittsburgh and the surrounding regions, known as Pennsyltucky, that people’s brains have melted. Yes, their memory receptors have begun malfunctioning because they are complaining. That’s right, complaining. Lest we forget that six months ago a lot of us had no power, three feet of snow, and little hope of being able to get the kids out of the house and back into school before we went crazy. It must be scorching out there.
I remember sitting in the darkened and frozen cave that was Chez Mongo, wearing full snow gear, exhausted after trying to dig out my car. My wife had put a pot of boiling water on the stove, which was luckily gas powered, in order to raise the temperature to a balmy 46 degrees, so that out cats didn’t rise up and attack us for letting their comfy 70 degree home get chilly. We had been forced to take up temporary residence at my in-laws, which involved packing up a week’s worth of gear for us and our two and a half year old. I remember getting completely unpacked, futon mattress on the floor, with linens on it and clothes out of the suitcase before having the hunch to call our house to see if the answering machine would pick up. One of my cats answered instead informing me that “You better get over here. The house is possessed. One minute darkness, next minute every light and appliance is on full blast. I has a scared.”
Yep, the entire Eastern seaboard was pummeled with snow in February. So much snow, that civil services shut down the government, paramedics told injured people to walk up the road, plow trucks were in short supply and nearly every roof in the tri-state area collapsed. And we all bitched about the cold and the snow and the power outages and the lack of communication and ability to harvest crops and kill rival mafia members. Civilization was crumbling around us as we were forced to *gasp* talk to each other in person.
But that’s all ancient history, now. No one cares about the three of snow that sat on top of their cars. No one bats an eyelash at the thought that if the Sun were to say, “Oh ‘eff it!” and shut off tomorrow we’d be plunged back into cold temperatures. As long as the mercury doesn’t stay on the north end of the thermometer for more than a week we’ll be happy. I mean we could be faced with the prospect of seeing Justin Bieber burst into flames and Lady Gaga might have to stop wearing elaborate costumes and that would be bad. Please, President Obama, invoke sanctions against the Sun and order it to stop being so hot. You are magical and can solve all the world’s problems. You are not some mere mortal in an executive office that has protocol and procedures to adhere to, right? Make the Sun stop. It’s too hot.
Dear God, I have to walk outside, across the grass filled yards, in the bright warm Sun, wearing shorts and stare up at a blue sky that isn’t filled with clouds and a million snowflakes laughing at me with my puny snow shovel. HOW CAN YOU BE SO CRUEL? I have to drive on the open roads, using all lanes, with the windows down, or AC on, listening to reports about beaches and pools and barbecues and concerts and fireworks and baseball games. MAKE IT STOP! I have to see scantily clad ladies laying out and sunning themselves. OH MY RETINAS! (just kidding honey *smooches*) I have to hear the sound of my kid laughing as she splashes around in the pool and gets all tuckered out that she naps for three hours. THE HORROR!
The only thing that gives me solace is that six months from now I’ll be back to breathing heavily as I shovel out the car, frostbitten, flush faced and snotty nosed. That will make it all better. Sigh. Yeah blizzards. Hooray for States of Emergency.
‘Eff you, Sun.
I remember sitting in the darkened and frozen cave that was Chez Mongo, wearing full snow gear, exhausted after trying to dig out my car. My wife had put a pot of boiling water on the stove, which was luckily gas powered, in order to raise the temperature to a balmy 46 degrees, so that out cats didn’t rise up and attack us for letting their comfy 70 degree home get chilly. We had been forced to take up temporary residence at my in-laws, which involved packing up a week’s worth of gear for us and our two and a half year old. I remember getting completely unpacked, futon mattress on the floor, with linens on it and clothes out of the suitcase before having the hunch to call our house to see if the answering machine would pick up. One of my cats answered instead informing me that “You better get over here. The house is possessed. One minute darkness, next minute every light and appliance is on full blast. I has a scared.”
Yep, the entire Eastern seaboard was pummeled with snow in February. So much snow, that civil services shut down the government, paramedics told injured people to walk up the road, plow trucks were in short supply and nearly every roof in the tri-state area collapsed. And we all bitched about the cold and the snow and the power outages and the lack of communication and ability to harvest crops and kill rival mafia members. Civilization was crumbling around us as we were forced to *gasp* talk to each other in person.
But that’s all ancient history, now. No one cares about the three of snow that sat on top of their cars. No one bats an eyelash at the thought that if the Sun were to say, “Oh ‘eff it!” and shut off tomorrow we’d be plunged back into cold temperatures. As long as the mercury doesn’t stay on the north end of the thermometer for more than a week we’ll be happy. I mean we could be faced with the prospect of seeing Justin Bieber burst into flames and Lady Gaga might have to stop wearing elaborate costumes and that would be bad. Please, President Obama, invoke sanctions against the Sun and order it to stop being so hot. You are magical and can solve all the world’s problems. You are not some mere mortal in an executive office that has protocol and procedures to adhere to, right? Make the Sun stop. It’s too hot.
Dear God, I have to walk outside, across the grass filled yards, in the bright warm Sun, wearing shorts and stare up at a blue sky that isn’t filled with clouds and a million snowflakes laughing at me with my puny snow shovel. HOW CAN YOU BE SO CRUEL? I have to drive on the open roads, using all lanes, with the windows down, or AC on, listening to reports about beaches and pools and barbecues and concerts and fireworks and baseball games. MAKE IT STOP! I have to see scantily clad ladies laying out and sunning themselves. OH MY RETINAS! (just kidding honey *smooches*) I have to hear the sound of my kid laughing as she splashes around in the pool and gets all tuckered out that she naps for three hours. THE HORROR!
The only thing that gives me solace is that six months from now I’ll be back to breathing heavily as I shovel out the car, frostbitten, flush faced and snotty nosed. That will make it all better. Sigh. Yeah blizzards. Hooray for States of Emergency.
‘Eff you, Sun.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Killer Calamari Conquer California Coast
It's like something out of a disaster movie, or a bad Roland Emmerich one. Nature gone awry. The coast along California, specifically San Diego, became littered with hordes of humboldt squid, also known as red devils. These squids, who live roughly one year, can grow to around seven feet long and weigh over 100 pounds. Not bad if you like sushi, but pretty horrible if you are a diver in the region as there have been accounts of the squid attacking divers. Make no mistake, these squid are carnivorous and have sharp teeth. But what has caused this beaching of the diablo rojo?
Consider this. There was a similar occurrence of the humboldt squid in the Monterey Bay in 1997. Granted, the impact wasn't nearly as huge as the squid sunning themselves on the San Diego sand, but there was also something else happening at the time. The Atlantic had seen a fairly mild hurricane season with only eight total storms, three hurricanes of which one reached category three. The Pacific saw nine with seven category three or better. Evidence of this lessened Atlantic hurricane activity points towards El Nino as the cause. This year, the Pacific has already seen four storms, one being a category two hurricane. 2009 looks to be a repeat for El Nino which hasn't been confirmed as the reason for the squid sightings but suggests as such.
So, batten down the hatches, get out the hibachi and let's fry us up some red devils.
Get a San Diego Red Devils team shirt
at Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash! the store
Consider this. There was a similar occurrence of the humboldt squid in the Monterey Bay in 1997. Granted, the impact wasn't nearly as huge as the squid sunning themselves on the San Diego sand, but there was also something else happening at the time. The Atlantic had seen a fairly mild hurricane season with only eight total storms, three hurricanes of which one reached category three. The Pacific saw nine with seven category three or better. Evidence of this lessened Atlantic hurricane activity points towards El Nino as the cause. This year, the Pacific has already seen four storms, one being a category two hurricane. 2009 looks to be a repeat for El Nino which hasn't been confirmed as the reason for the squid sightings but suggests as such.
GetEl Nino Gets Me Wet
at Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash! the store
So, batten down the hatches, get out the hibachi and let's fry us up some red devils.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
A man for all-seasonals
For God Sakes! If you cannot drive in bad weather then stay home. What is this insane need to be out on the road driving white knuckled down the highway when you have no concept of simple physics? Why is it that most people driving an SUV or truck think they can perform super human feats of driving in a blizzard? Why do we feel the need to raid the stores of bread, milk, and eggs, every time there is the mention of the white stuff? I call it a conspiracy between the weather man and the grocery store. Then there are the conditions of the road after the snow melts. Look, I live in Southwestern Pennsylvania which is known for being the pothole capital of the world....next to Beirut. Why? One opinion could be that our State Department of Transportation, otherwise known as PENNDOT, has no concept of how to patch roads. Another could be that they do have an idea, but wish to have job security by doing a piss poor job. For the most part, the real reason is that we have a weird weather system going on here. Where most people have Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter cover an entire year, we manage to be completely random and cram Spring, Winter, Summer, Fall, REALLY HOT SUMMER, Spring, Winter, Spring, Winter, Summer, and Winter into 12 months time. Yet with road and weather conditions aside, I still find it easier to drive in bad weather than my wife. Then again, for someone who refuses to drive in bad weather, she gets awfully opinionated on how I drive in bad weather.
My wife, God lover her, is a weather junkie. She watches 22 minutes of the 11 o'clock news and an hour and 22 minutes of the 5 o'clock news. What's with the 22 minutes? That's when the weather is over. This is a woman who gets completely bent out of shape when we are promised a snow storm and don't get one. For me, I don't mind getting snow from about the middle of November through the middle of January. After that, I'm done. Give me blue skies and sunshine. I don't particularly care for our brand of weather here in the corner of PA. In a three day stretch during January we can have 70 degrees and sunshine, six inches of snow, and 40 degrees and monsoon like rain. It's nuts. It's no wonder you could lose a Buick in a pot hole around here. It's also the reason why I don't put snow tires on my car.
Every year I get the same speech from my wife.
"When are you putting snow tires on your car?"
"I'm not. I have all season radials." I tell her.
"What kind of a dumbass are you?" She asks.
"The kind who is $140 dollars richer." I finish.
This of course goes round and round and leads nowhere. Every year we argue and every year I end up with no accidents from bad weather. We don't have the weather that occurs in the upper elevations such as Johnstown or Altoona. We also don't have the weather that occurs in the more northern areas of Butler or Grove City. Nestled in the corner of the tri state area, we haven't seen a foot or more of snow since 2003. Prior to that, I believe it was 1993. What we do see is a lot of ice. People tend to think if they have snow tires, they are immune to sliding. Trust me, if it's that bad out there, stay home. It has nothing to do with thinking you are a bad driver...well, maybe, I don't know how you drive.... but it has everything to do with the other guy. They may have bald tires or no insurance or even a death wish. Why take a chance?
Experts will tell you to switch to winter tires for better grip on icy and snowy roads. I say, give a man snow tires and nothing else and I'll show you man calling triple AAA for a tow. For example, last February, I'm driving home from work and sitting at an intersection. It had snowed in the past day or so and the roads were still showing signs of packed snow and ice in some spots. I was second in line at the stop sign with another car behind me, keeping me from making any movements. At this point a Blazer comes down the road and attempts to turn onto our road. Normally, had I been in the first position, I would have made sure the guy slowed down and then made my turn. However, being second, I had no such position to do so. As the Blazer continued to make its turn he caught a patch of ice and began to slide. I noticed that he wasn't cutting it enough and within seconds, I heard the crunch of him hitting my car and the saw the sight of my headlight now dangling off of my bumper. Guess what? He had snow tires on his Blazer. I spent the next six weeks dueling back and forth with his insurance company and the body shop to get my car back to the way it looked previous to the accident.
It just goes to show you that, as a driver, it takes more than winter tires and four wheel drive to navigate the pot luck roads of this schizophrenic season we call winter. There is something about driving that needs to be more than simple mechanics. It's not about turning the key and pushing the pedal. You have to actually listen to your car and feel what is happening while you are driving. Also, a simple study of high school physics can't hurt. Most people will drive up a hill and then fly down the other side. In regular weather, that may be sufficient. In winter weather, I always find it best practice to start brake at the top of a hill and cautiously take the descent as you may need to stop in an instance. As you reach the bottom you can loosen your grip on the brake as you will need momentum to continue on your path. Also, most people don't think about driving up a hill until they are already stuck on it. If I am coming down a hill and heading into another I usually shift back into drive near the base of the hill and accelerate just enough to give me good momentum to make it up the next hill. Not enough to go crazy, just enough to carry you into a good position so that your continued acceleration is not marred by the weight of your car. If you have to start up a hill from a stopped position, don't panic. Use a lower gear. You want enough acceleration to pull your car up the hill but do not want the tires to spin faster than needed. This happened to me during our most recent snow storm. We had an inch or more on the road and I had to drive home during the worst of it. I took a detour around an accident and ended up on a hill that had been untouched and oddly enough, had a stop sign smack dab in the middle of it. A truck was following me and at the first sign of danger, pulled around me and kept going. As I struggled to get traction, I dropped my car into a lower gear and continually applied consistent pressure allowing the car to do the work for me. I made it over the hill and saved my pride in the process.
I'm sure there will be seasoned drivers that will denounce my methods and call me crazy. They will stand by their winter tires and 4 wheel drive mentality and they have every right to. I know my car and I know my limits. When the weather gets bad, I turn off the radio, put both hands on the wheel, and deal with the conditions. I don't rely on my studded tires to drive the road for me. Whatever works for you is fine. I know what works for me. I've driven past plenty of accidents to see people who made stupid mistakes or were unfortunate to not be able to travel in adverse conditions. I've also seen a salt truck lying on its side in a ditch during a snow storm. So, you tell me, which is better, an inexperienced driver with a Ford Explorer be bopping along in the left lane during a white out or the guy with all seasons driving defensively with thrice the normal safe distance between he and the car in front of him?
Just as an aside, I did face the same situation this year at that same intersection I was clipped at last year. In this instance, I was the lead car and when I saw the turn signal of the approaching car, I made the effort to get the hell out of the way. This time, I stopped just quick enough to notice that the girl couldn't even turn; she slid right through the intersection in front of my car. Luckily, I still have a front bumper. I did however, need a change of shorts. Not because of the accident, but because I didn't want have to tell my wife I was hit again, in our new car.
My wife, God lover her, is a weather junkie. She watches 22 minutes of the 11 o'clock news and an hour and 22 minutes of the 5 o'clock news. What's with the 22 minutes? That's when the weather is over. This is a woman who gets completely bent out of shape when we are promised a snow storm and don't get one. For me, I don't mind getting snow from about the middle of November through the middle of January. After that, I'm done. Give me blue skies and sunshine. I don't particularly care for our brand of weather here in the corner of PA. In a three day stretch during January we can have 70 degrees and sunshine, six inches of snow, and 40 degrees and monsoon like rain. It's nuts. It's no wonder you could lose a Buick in a pot hole around here. It's also the reason why I don't put snow tires on my car.
Every year I get the same speech from my wife.
"When are you putting snow tires on your car?"
"I'm not. I have all season radials." I tell her.
"What kind of a dumbass are you?" She asks.
"The kind who is $140 dollars richer." I finish.
This of course goes round and round and leads nowhere. Every year we argue and every year I end up with no accidents from bad weather. We don't have the weather that occurs in the upper elevations such as Johnstown or Altoona. We also don't have the weather that occurs in the more northern areas of Butler or Grove City. Nestled in the corner of the tri state area, we haven't seen a foot or more of snow since 2003. Prior to that, I believe it was 1993. What we do see is a lot of ice. People tend to think if they have snow tires, they are immune to sliding. Trust me, if it's that bad out there, stay home. It has nothing to do with thinking you are a bad driver...well, maybe, I don't know how you drive.... but it has everything to do with the other guy. They may have bald tires or no insurance or even a death wish. Why take a chance?
Experts will tell you to switch to winter tires for better grip on icy and snowy roads. I say, give a man snow tires and nothing else and I'll show you man calling triple AAA for a tow. For example, last February, I'm driving home from work and sitting at an intersection. It had snowed in the past day or so and the roads were still showing signs of packed snow and ice in some spots. I was second in line at the stop sign with another car behind me, keeping me from making any movements. At this point a Blazer comes down the road and attempts to turn onto our road. Normally, had I been in the first position, I would have made sure the guy slowed down and then made my turn. However, being second, I had no such position to do so. As the Blazer continued to make its turn he caught a patch of ice and began to slide. I noticed that he wasn't cutting it enough and within seconds, I heard the crunch of him hitting my car and the saw the sight of my headlight now dangling off of my bumper. Guess what? He had snow tires on his Blazer. I spent the next six weeks dueling back and forth with his insurance company and the body shop to get my car back to the way it looked previous to the accident.
It just goes to show you that, as a driver, it takes more than winter tires and four wheel drive to navigate the pot luck roads of this schizophrenic season we call winter. There is something about driving that needs to be more than simple mechanics. It's not about turning the key and pushing the pedal. You have to actually listen to your car and feel what is happening while you are driving. Also, a simple study of high school physics can't hurt. Most people will drive up a hill and then fly down the other side. In regular weather, that may be sufficient. In winter weather, I always find it best practice to start brake at the top of a hill and cautiously take the descent as you may need to stop in an instance. As you reach the bottom you can loosen your grip on the brake as you will need momentum to continue on your path. Also, most people don't think about driving up a hill until they are already stuck on it. If I am coming down a hill and heading into another I usually shift back into drive near the base of the hill and accelerate just enough to give me good momentum to make it up the next hill. Not enough to go crazy, just enough to carry you into a good position so that your continued acceleration is not marred by the weight of your car. If you have to start up a hill from a stopped position, don't panic. Use a lower gear. You want enough acceleration to pull your car up the hill but do not want the tires to spin faster than needed. This happened to me during our most recent snow storm. We had an inch or more on the road and I had to drive home during the worst of it. I took a detour around an accident and ended up on a hill that had been untouched and oddly enough, had a stop sign smack dab in the middle of it. A truck was following me and at the first sign of danger, pulled around me and kept going. As I struggled to get traction, I dropped my car into a lower gear and continually applied consistent pressure allowing the car to do the work for me. I made it over the hill and saved my pride in the process.
I'm sure there will be seasoned drivers that will denounce my methods and call me crazy. They will stand by their winter tires and 4 wheel drive mentality and they have every right to. I know my car and I know my limits. When the weather gets bad, I turn off the radio, put both hands on the wheel, and deal with the conditions. I don't rely on my studded tires to drive the road for me. Whatever works for you is fine. I know what works for me. I've driven past plenty of accidents to see people who made stupid mistakes or were unfortunate to not be able to travel in adverse conditions. I've also seen a salt truck lying on its side in a ditch during a snow storm. So, you tell me, which is better, an inexperienced driver with a Ford Explorer be bopping along in the left lane during a white out or the guy with all seasons driving defensively with thrice the normal safe distance between he and the car in front of him?
Just as an aside, I did face the same situation this year at that same intersection I was clipped at last year. In this instance, I was the lead car and when I saw the turn signal of the approaching car, I made the effort to get the hell out of the way. This time, I stopped just quick enough to notice that the girl couldn't even turn; she slid right through the intersection in front of my car. Luckily, I still have a front bumper. I did however, need a change of shorts. Not because of the accident, but because I didn't want have to tell my wife I was hit again, in our new car.
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