At last count, I believe that Pittsburgh was on just about every list known to man. I don’t know what it is, but Pittsburgh is becoming a very popular city. Maybe it always was. Maybe, I’ve just been blind to how well liked Pittsburgh is outside the confines of the tri-state area. Maybe, we need to tone it down a bit. I’m afraid of my favorite burgh becoming a snob.
Let’s see. We topped "America’s Most Livable Cities List" on Forbes and The Economist. We’ve ranked 12 on the “Fun Cities” list. We were rated one of the best cities to work in during a recession. I mean there isn’t a “Best City for…” list that we haven’t probably been on in the last four years. Hell, we even hosted the G-20 last year which was relatively tame compared to the issues that Toronto is having this year. Yeah, we had some incidents downtown and in Oakland but I’d call the Super Bowl and Stanley Cup celebrations more cause for riot gear than the G-20 protests. Yeah, we burn couches when we win a national championship.
However, for the last five years, Pittsburgh has been host to another event which is cause for a double take downtown. Anthrocon. That’s right, the furry convention holds court in downtown Pittsburgh every year. If you don’t know what a furry is, then you probably don’t want to know. Put it this way, a furry is someone who failed at attaining that lifelong goal of being a mascot. Now, I don’t want to get into a leg lifting match with people over the case of whether or not this is all too weird. People dressing up in animal costumes is simply a lifestyle and my biggest issue is why people would want to dress up in huge fur covered costumes with large heads and walk around downtown Pittsburgh in late June or July. I’m sure the inside of those costumes are about as pleasantly smelling as the Pirates road standings, at this point.
“But, Mongo, they request litter boxes in their hotel rooms.” Sure, that is a bit different, but quite frankly, I’ve been in my house waiting patiently to use the bathroom and thought about my cats’ litter box once or twice as my back teeth started floating.
“But, Mongo, these people are sexual deviants who are into weird sex.” And you aren’t? Ok, that was a bit unfair. I don’t know what your habits are and unless you have documented proof that every single person that dresses up like a unicorn mixed with a lion mixed with a luck dragon and carries a sword is a sexual deviant then you need to explain to me how you know it to be true. I’d love to hear that story.
The fact that the furries love Pittsburgh doesn’t surprise me. In fact, if I woke up tomorrow my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be any more surprised. The one thing that does surprise me is that they didn’t ask the ex-pierogi to be master of ceremonies or at least reached out in a show solidarity and attended a Pirate game to boo the team. Unfortunately, not only would their booing be drowned out by the booing that should be going on at a Pirate game, they were playing out of town.
So, furries love Pittsburgh and I guess Pittsburgh is sure to be on the top list of Cities who love Furries. I can only imagine that we are one step closer to being chose for a future Olympic Games site. But that might just bankrupt the city so let’s stay off that list.
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Showing posts with label best of. Show all posts
Showing posts with label best of. Show all posts
Monday, July 19, 2010
Friday, December 18, 2009
2009 D-Bag Awards - Heat One: D-Bag Dogs
In the race to be the biggest D-bag of 2009, a few contenders thought it would be good to carry on affairs or be a bit of a dog, otherwise. In this heat we have four men who, throughout the course of the year, were caught with their pants down or wound up being exposed later on by no choice of their own.
Oh, there goes Barkley. He’s decided to just start driving erratically around the track with his female passenger. Apparently, he has somewhere to be in a hurry. Steve Phillips is sitting there checking his voice mail and, OH MY, Elin Nordegren is now on the track chasing down Tiger Woods’ in his Escalade with a golf club. She’s shouting something in Swedish about porn stars and pancakes. Tiger has attempted to elude his angered wife but has crashed into Charles Barkley. What’s Steve Phillips waiting for? Apparently, he is unable to go anywhere because a 22 year old production assistant is blocking the way. She’s literally laying down in front of his vehicle, preventing him from moving.
Meanwhile, Dave Letterman is apologizing and making jokes at his own expense. Tiger has crawled out of the wrecked Escalade, bruised and battered. Uh, Oh. The Escalade’s back door has opened up and as if this was some kind of circus clown car, 12 women climb out and scatter about the track looking for an open camera. Steve Phillips is still sitting there, now reading a pink slip from ESPN and his mistress is still laying in the middle of the track. She appears to be on her phone updating her myspace mood and Facebook status while playing Scrabble with Phillips son, online. Barkley is admonishing Tiger for not coming clean about the affairs and Dave Letterman is doing a Top Ten List.
It’s a hell of a day at the races.
Here’s how it all stacks up.
Dave Letterman came clean about the affair in front of a Live Studio Audience and even though he did have an extensive affair with one of his employees he pretty much disqualifies himself from contention after he admitted to everything and took it on the chin.
Charles Barkley had a moment of blood rushing to the wrong brain and ran a stop sign on his way to get some you know what from a female passenger. He was driving under the influence and was arrested. His endorsements dried up but came back after they realized that no one really saw the relevance of Barkley as a personality anymore.
Steve Phillips did a huge disservice to his family by picking a nut job for a mistress but furthermore he brought his work home with him since Hundley decided to friend his son, write his wife and show up on their lawn. He lost his wife and his job.
However, above all of this nothing can outshine the mess that was Tiger Woods’ affair(s). This whole business unraveled faster than Tiger’s game at the HSBC Champions match in November. The accident triggered the media frenzy speculating that his wife did not “rescue” him from his wrecked Cadillac but actually chased him after she found out he had an affair. Then Tiger started racking up more mistresses that almost rivaled his championship record. How he was able to keep this all going is still a mystery but I think we haven’t heard the last of this yet. More women, more secrets, more lost endorsements are in Tiger’s future and probably all before the Masters in 2010, if he even plays. Of these four dogs, Tiger is the biggest D-Bag of 2009. He moves onto the next round.
Today’s race has been brought to you by the new iPhone App Cheetah. Inspired by Tiger Woods’ intricately woven illusion of wholesome image and naughty night life, the Cheetah App allows you to plan, track, reschedule and juggle all your mistresses from your iPhone. You can set alerts and tasks to remind you of their names and what they like to do for fun. Hit the quick shot button and you’ll have an instant canned phrase that not only compliments your mistress on her looks but also serves to instill her with the confidence that she’s the only one for you. The Cheetah App also comes with a wife tracker. Constantly know where your wife is at all times with this GPS goodie that allows you to avoid capture while you are leaving voice mails for your vixens. The best feature of this app is that with the push of one button, all your indiscretions automatically switch off and are hidden from view. If your suspicious spouse gets a hold of your phone all she’ll find is a list of Christmas gifts you’ve been planning to buy her and a huge ass rock from the jeweler that you are eyeing up for her. The Cheetah app makes your smart pone smarter.
- Tiger Woods (Pro Golfer)
- Charles Barkley (Former Pro Basketball Player and Talk Show Host)
- Steve Phillips (Former NY Mets Manager and ESPN Baseball Analyst)
- Dave Letterman (Late Show host and comedian)
Oh, there goes Barkley. He’s decided to just start driving erratically around the track with his female passenger. Apparently, he has somewhere to be in a hurry. Steve Phillips is sitting there checking his voice mail and, OH MY, Elin Nordegren is now on the track chasing down Tiger Woods’ in his Escalade with a golf club. She’s shouting something in Swedish about porn stars and pancakes. Tiger has attempted to elude his angered wife but has crashed into Charles Barkley. What’s Steve Phillips waiting for? Apparently, he is unable to go anywhere because a 22 year old production assistant is blocking the way. She’s literally laying down in front of his vehicle, preventing him from moving.
Meanwhile, Dave Letterman is apologizing and making jokes at his own expense. Tiger has crawled out of the wrecked Escalade, bruised and battered. Uh, Oh. The Escalade’s back door has opened up and as if this was some kind of circus clown car, 12 women climb out and scatter about the track looking for an open camera. Steve Phillips is still sitting there, now reading a pink slip from ESPN and his mistress is still laying in the middle of the track. She appears to be on her phone updating her myspace mood and Facebook status while playing Scrabble with Phillips son, online. Barkley is admonishing Tiger for not coming clean about the affairs and Dave Letterman is doing a Top Ten List.
It’s a hell of a day at the races.
Here’s how it all stacks up.
Dave Letterman came clean about the affair in front of a Live Studio Audience and even though he did have an extensive affair with one of his employees he pretty much disqualifies himself from contention after he admitted to everything and took it on the chin.
Charles Barkley had a moment of blood rushing to the wrong brain and ran a stop sign on his way to get some you know what from a female passenger. He was driving under the influence and was arrested. His endorsements dried up but came back after they realized that no one really saw the relevance of Barkley as a personality anymore.
Steve Phillips did a huge disservice to his family by picking a nut job for a mistress but furthermore he brought his work home with him since Hundley decided to friend his son, write his wife and show up on their lawn. He lost his wife and his job.
However, above all of this nothing can outshine the mess that was Tiger Woods’ affair(s). This whole business unraveled faster than Tiger’s game at the HSBC Champions match in November. The accident triggered the media frenzy speculating that his wife did not “rescue” him from his wrecked Cadillac but actually chased him after she found out he had an affair. Then Tiger started racking up more mistresses that almost rivaled his championship record. How he was able to keep this all going is still a mystery but I think we haven’t heard the last of this yet. More women, more secrets, more lost endorsements are in Tiger’s future and probably all before the Masters in 2010, if he even plays. Of these four dogs, Tiger is the biggest D-Bag of 2009. He moves onto the next round.
Today’s race has been brought to you by the new iPhone App Cheetah. Inspired by Tiger Woods’ intricately woven illusion of wholesome image and naughty night life, the Cheetah App allows you to plan, track, reschedule and juggle all your mistresses from your iPhone. You can set alerts and tasks to remind you of their names and what they like to do for fun. Hit the quick shot button and you’ll have an instant canned phrase that not only compliments your mistress on her looks but also serves to instill her with the confidence that she’s the only one for you. The Cheetah App also comes with a wife tracker. Constantly know where your wife is at all times with this GPS goodie that allows you to avoid capture while you are leaving voice mails for your vixens. The best feature of this app is that with the push of one button, all your indiscretions automatically switch off and are hidden from view. If your suspicious spouse gets a hold of your phone all she’ll find is a list of Christmas gifts you’ve been planning to buy her and a huge ass rock from the jeweler that you are eyeing up for her. The Cheetah app makes your smart pone smarter.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Best Zombie Films of All Time
Another day another list. This time, Entertainment Weekly lists their 25 Best Zombie Films of all Time. Groans and cheers filled the comments section and I, for one, find very little tastiness in what they offered. Here is the list they gave.
25 Planet Terror
24 Diary of the Dead
23 Land of the Dead
22 Zombie Flesh Eaters
21 Night Of the Living Dead (1990)
20 Resident Evil Extinction
19 Pontypool
18 Braindead
17 Homecoming
16 Dead Snow
15 I walked with a zombie
14 Undead
13 Serpent and the rainbow
12 Dead Set
11 Omega Man
10 Return of the Living Dead
9 Re-Animator
8 Day of the Dead
7 Cemetery Man
6 REC
5 Night Of the Living Dead (1968)
4 Dawn of the Dead (1978)
3 Shaun of the Dead
2 28 Days Later
1 Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Despicable, isn’t it? Apparently, someone doesn’t understand what constitutes a zombie movie, let alone, a good one. Throughout the article the author states, “I know this is not technically a zombie film” and such but I have a simple reply, “Take it off the list.” For instance, The Omega Man is about vampires or at least apocalyptic viral vampirism. Dead Set is a television show, not a film. The gripes could go on and on. Now, I want to reorder that list, omitting and substituting some of the selections. I managed to do it in a list of only 15 with one honorable mention.
1. Dawn of the Dead (1978)
The original is the best, not the remake. I’ll give it some props when I come to it, but as far as zombie films go, you have to tip the skull cap to Romero. The feeling of despair and dread of living in a world gone mad is only heightened by the fact that in the zombie genre, simple mistakes lead to catastrophe. A complete breakdown in society and civil infrastructure is a huge element to modern zombie films. Not just flesh eating dead people.
2. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
The predecessor to the modern day zombie movie can be summed up in one line, “They’re coming to get you Barbara.” Maybe it’s my proximity to the locations. I’ve been to Evans City Cemetery. Maybe it’s the nostalgia of being close to a big part of pop culture history. Whatever the reason, taking a group of people, trapping them in a small and easily penetrable shelter, and letting them turn on each other is great commentary on society.
3. Shaun of the Dead
Beyond the fact that it’s almost a spoof of the zombie genre right down to its title, SOTD deserves high marks for nailing the genre with its parallels of “Walking through life like a zombie” and making key decisions in bad situations and dealing with the consequences. Also, what to do when your mum becomes infected and doesn’t tell you. Not to mention it’s effing hysterical.
4. Thriller
WTF?!?!? (Internet Slang quota reached) You’re asking yourself, “Why is a music video on a list of films?” Well, I’ll tell you. Because, technically, it is a film, in short form. Also, it was eligible for an Academy Award. Now, I won’t say that it was eligible for a Best Picture Award because it was less than 40 minutes long. However, because it was featured with a special presentation of Fantasia, it was given eligibility by the MPAA for an Academy Award. That being said, you cannot argue that Thriller was not a great zombie film. Better than at least four of the ones on EW’s list. You have creepy corpses, rising from the grave. You have a damsel in distress. You have veteran horror film actor Vincent Price providing the “Thriller Rap.” Not to mention, you have a zombie dance number that was kick ass. Now, I’ve already been told that this isn’t a film by a trusted friend and while I respect their judgment and counsel, I maintain my position.
5. White Zombie
A classic starring Bela Lugosi. Though it did not earn a lot of street cred, or money, at the box office it stands as one of the original zombie movies, vodou not flesh eater.
6. Serpent and the Rainbow
True to the actual definition of the word zombie, SATR is not about flesh eating corpses but control, power, and vodou. While the author of the book for which the film was based on felt very displeased with the adaptation, the film still gives me shivers with its imagery and one specific scene involving a hammer, a spike and a naked man.
7. Planet Terror
If for anything else, Robert Rodriguez knows how to have fun with goo. Part of the Grindhouse double feature, Planet Terror boasts an all star cast including Bruce Willis, Josh Brolin, Rose McGowan with a machine gun for a leg, Michael Biehn, and Fergie…go figure. Gooey Zombies, bodily fluids, missing reels, and a really bad dog puppet that gets splattered on the road all provide the typical exploitive feel of a cheap drive in horror fest you’d find from the 70s. Taking those elements and using 21st century filming techniques compliments a rollicking good flick.
8. Day of the Dead
The film I consider the end of the Dead series started by Romero continues the story with scientists and military soldiers trying to coexist in a confined space. While one of the scientist domesticates a zombie called Bud, tensions ramp up as each group acts upon orders from the government which may or may not still be in control of the country as the zombie apocalypse has wiped out most of humanity. Like most zombie genre films, communication breakdowns lead to warring from within and ultimately destruction from the zombie at the door.
9. Return of the Living Dead
The Tar Man, Trash’s Cemetery Dance, the zombie who says, ”Send more cops” give the film that acknowledges NOTLD as a real event but not a prequel a great feel. Though somewhat of a comedic take on the zombie genre, ROTLD amps up the tension by changing the rules. Zombies crave brains, have intelligence and cannot be killed, again, by a shot to the head.
10. Night of the Living Dead (1990)
Remakes are always a touchy subject for me. There have been several bad remakes or unofficial sequels to Romero’s work including the original NOTLD which was made into a 3D version in 2006 and it was pretty, pretty awful. However, the 1990 version directed by Tom Savini is just as good as the original and offers a different take on the fates of certain characters. In this version Barbara is not catatonic and as useless as in the original and actually survives the night after fleeing the house. Ben, played by Tony Todd (Candyman, Final Destination) is shot and wounded by Henry Cooper and hides in the basement as did the original Ben, but instead of emerging unturned and being mistakenly shot by police, he does become a zombie and is killed. Henry Cooper, who was killed by his daughter in the original, manages to survive, abandoning the others and hiding in the attic after being shot by Ben. The next morning when Barbara returns to the house to look for Ben she finds Harry alive relieved that she “Came Back” for him. She shoots him for his cowardice and says, “Another one for the fire.” The final images of the film carry the message of how we have become a monster all our own and have begun torturing the undead for sport and pleasure. This is a theme not explored in the original.
11. Braindead
Before King Kong and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Peter Jackson made some pretty wicked horror films including this one which was re-titled Dead Alive in North America. The premise is simple. Man attempts to smuggle evil weird creature into civilization, creature bites someone’s mother who becomes a zombie, that someone’s family member refuses to dispatch them, more zombies, more death, including death by lawn mower. It’s a splatter fest that still tops lists as the goriest movie ever.
12. Resident Evil
Based on what is considered the best Zombie Survival Horror Video Game Series, Resident Evil is an adaptation that actually works on certain levels as a good adaptation and good zombie film. The good: The theme of the Umbrella company developing a virus that eventually gets released turning employees and the residents of Raccoon City into zombies.Using elements of the game such as the Red Queen, The Super Train, The Lickers, S.T.A.R.S.,Traps like the laser grid that slices up members of the team.Cool zombies with cool moves and kills. Zombie dogs like the gameThe bad:Not a lot of congruity between game and film.Too much difference in the locations vs. the gameNot enough zombie threat. Granted, the game only has zombies in the first part, after that it’s all Bio Engineered Animals/Plants/Insects and mutated zombies.
13. Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Again, remakes and sequels have a tendency to be really bad. This one is not as good as the original but does earn some cred for including a cover of Down With the Sickness by Richard Cheese and Johnny Cash’s The Man Comes Around in the opening credits. The best parts of the movie are pure zombie genre goodies. Ana fleeing her husband who abandons his pursuit to attack a robe clad neighbor on his lawn.Aerial shot of Ana driving from town as mass hysteria ensues including a car crashing through an intersection into a gas station and exploding.The death and reanimation of Frank (Matt Frewer) is a classic archetype moment of despair and dread being experienced by his daughter.The A-Team Bus ShuttlesThe crash and dismemberment of half the team while escaping.
14. Re-Animator
Cult classic status aside, this is an adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s work “Herbert West-Reanimator.” The tale imagines zombies as a kind of Romero/Vodou hybrid. They are willing servants to a master but are violent and in some cases cannibalistic. The movie adaptation spawned two sequels which work to adapt some of the beginning and end of Lovecraft’s serialization. Jeffrey Combs is the main character but scream queen Barbara Crampton makes an appearance as the daughter of the dean of Myskatonic University who gets molested by a zombie.
15. Night of the Creeps
Tom Atkins, known, mainly in his native Pittsburgh, for his expert portrayal of Art Rooney in the stage production of “The Chief” is also known for his role in Halloween III: Season of the Witch, the horrible entry into the Halloween franchise. Here he is a cop trying to destroy slug like alien creatures that have infected and possessed humans, turning them into zombies. It’s campy, it’s 80s, it has one the funniest exchanges in dialogue, ever. “I got good news and bad news, girls. The good news is your dates are here.” “What’s the bad news?” “They’re dead.”
Honorable Mention
Cemetary Man aka Dellamorte Dellamore
This one has been making the rounds on Encore and other cable movie stations. At first I couldn't make heads or tails of what was going as my wife was sucked into this tale, but after watching again, I started to appreciate the commentary that the film follows. Rupert Everett is the titular character, dispatching zombies as they rise out of graveyard along with his mentally handicapped assistant, who begins a love affair with a reanimated head. Everett's Francesco Delleamorte carries out his job like so many of us in this world. "This is my business. They pay me for it." he laments as he blows away a resurrected biker who springs forth from the grave on his bike. The grim reaper also appears, as an over sized puppet, trying to recruit Dellamorte as a fellow reaper. It grows on you like only an Italian film can.
25 Planet Terror
24 Diary of the Dead
23 Land of the Dead
22 Zombie Flesh Eaters
21 Night Of the Living Dead (1990)
20 Resident Evil Extinction
19 Pontypool
18 Braindead
17 Homecoming
16 Dead Snow
15 I walked with a zombie
14 Undead
13 Serpent and the rainbow
12 Dead Set
11 Omega Man
10 Return of the Living Dead
9 Re-Animator
8 Day of the Dead
7 Cemetery Man
6 REC
5 Night Of the Living Dead (1968)
4 Dawn of the Dead (1978)
3 Shaun of the Dead
2 28 Days Later
1 Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Despicable, isn’t it? Apparently, someone doesn’t understand what constitutes a zombie movie, let alone, a good one. Throughout the article the author states, “I know this is not technically a zombie film” and such but I have a simple reply, “Take it off the list.” For instance, The Omega Man is about vampires or at least apocalyptic viral vampirism. Dead Set is a television show, not a film. The gripes could go on and on. Now, I want to reorder that list, omitting and substituting some of the selections. I managed to do it in a list of only 15 with one honorable mention.
1. Dawn of the Dead (1978)
The original is the best, not the remake. I’ll give it some props when I come to it, but as far as zombie films go, you have to tip the skull cap to Romero. The feeling of despair and dread of living in a world gone mad is only heightened by the fact that in the zombie genre, simple mistakes lead to catastrophe. A complete breakdown in society and civil infrastructure is a huge element to modern zombie films. Not just flesh eating dead people.
2. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
The predecessor to the modern day zombie movie can be summed up in one line, “They’re coming to get you Barbara.” Maybe it’s my proximity to the locations. I’ve been to Evans City Cemetery. Maybe it’s the nostalgia of being close to a big part of pop culture history. Whatever the reason, taking a group of people, trapping them in a small and easily penetrable shelter, and letting them turn on each other is great commentary on society.
3. Shaun of the Dead
Beyond the fact that it’s almost a spoof of the zombie genre right down to its title, SOTD deserves high marks for nailing the genre with its parallels of “Walking through life like a zombie” and making key decisions in bad situations and dealing with the consequences. Also, what to do when your mum becomes infected and doesn’t tell you. Not to mention it’s effing hysterical.
4. Thriller
WTF?!?!? (Internet Slang quota reached) You’re asking yourself, “Why is a music video on a list of films?” Well, I’ll tell you. Because, technically, it is a film, in short form. Also, it was eligible for an Academy Award. Now, I won’t say that it was eligible for a Best Picture Award because it was less than 40 minutes long. However, because it was featured with a special presentation of Fantasia, it was given eligibility by the MPAA for an Academy Award. That being said, you cannot argue that Thriller was not a great zombie film. Better than at least four of the ones on EW’s list. You have creepy corpses, rising from the grave. You have a damsel in distress. You have veteran horror film actor Vincent Price providing the “Thriller Rap.” Not to mention, you have a zombie dance number that was kick ass. Now, I’ve already been told that this isn’t a film by a trusted friend and while I respect their judgment and counsel, I maintain my position.
5. White Zombie
A classic starring Bela Lugosi. Though it did not earn a lot of street cred, or money, at the box office it stands as one of the original zombie movies, vodou not flesh eater.
6. Serpent and the Rainbow
True to the actual definition of the word zombie, SATR is not about flesh eating corpses but control, power, and vodou. While the author of the book for which the film was based on felt very displeased with the adaptation, the film still gives me shivers with its imagery and one specific scene involving a hammer, a spike and a naked man.
7. Planet Terror
If for anything else, Robert Rodriguez knows how to have fun with goo. Part of the Grindhouse double feature, Planet Terror boasts an all star cast including Bruce Willis, Josh Brolin, Rose McGowan with a machine gun for a leg, Michael Biehn, and Fergie…go figure. Gooey Zombies, bodily fluids, missing reels, and a really bad dog puppet that gets splattered on the road all provide the typical exploitive feel of a cheap drive in horror fest you’d find from the 70s. Taking those elements and using 21st century filming techniques compliments a rollicking good flick.
8. Day of the Dead
The film I consider the end of the Dead series started by Romero continues the story with scientists and military soldiers trying to coexist in a confined space. While one of the scientist domesticates a zombie called Bud, tensions ramp up as each group acts upon orders from the government which may or may not still be in control of the country as the zombie apocalypse has wiped out most of humanity. Like most zombie genre films, communication breakdowns lead to warring from within and ultimately destruction from the zombie at the door.
9. Return of the Living Dead
The Tar Man, Trash’s Cemetery Dance, the zombie who says, ”Send more cops” give the film that acknowledges NOTLD as a real event but not a prequel a great feel. Though somewhat of a comedic take on the zombie genre, ROTLD amps up the tension by changing the rules. Zombies crave brains, have intelligence and cannot be killed, again, by a shot to the head.
10. Night of the Living Dead (1990)
Remakes are always a touchy subject for me. There have been several bad remakes or unofficial sequels to Romero’s work including the original NOTLD which was made into a 3D version in 2006 and it was pretty, pretty awful. However, the 1990 version directed by Tom Savini is just as good as the original and offers a different take on the fates of certain characters. In this version Barbara is not catatonic and as useless as in the original and actually survives the night after fleeing the house. Ben, played by Tony Todd (Candyman, Final Destination) is shot and wounded by Henry Cooper and hides in the basement as did the original Ben, but instead of emerging unturned and being mistakenly shot by police, he does become a zombie and is killed. Henry Cooper, who was killed by his daughter in the original, manages to survive, abandoning the others and hiding in the attic after being shot by Ben. The next morning when Barbara returns to the house to look for Ben she finds Harry alive relieved that she “Came Back” for him. She shoots him for his cowardice and says, “Another one for the fire.” The final images of the film carry the message of how we have become a monster all our own and have begun torturing the undead for sport and pleasure. This is a theme not explored in the original.
11. Braindead
Before King Kong and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Peter Jackson made some pretty wicked horror films including this one which was re-titled Dead Alive in North America. The premise is simple. Man attempts to smuggle evil weird creature into civilization, creature bites someone’s mother who becomes a zombie, that someone’s family member refuses to dispatch them, more zombies, more death, including death by lawn mower. It’s a splatter fest that still tops lists as the goriest movie ever.
12. Resident Evil
Based on what is considered the best Zombie Survival Horror Video Game Series, Resident Evil is an adaptation that actually works on certain levels as a good adaptation and good zombie film. The good: The theme of the Umbrella company developing a virus that eventually gets released turning employees and the residents of Raccoon City into zombies.Using elements of the game such as the Red Queen, The Super Train, The Lickers, S.T.A.R.S.,Traps like the laser grid that slices up members of the team.Cool zombies with cool moves and kills. Zombie dogs like the gameThe bad:Not a lot of congruity between game and film.Too much difference in the locations vs. the gameNot enough zombie threat. Granted, the game only has zombies in the first part, after that it’s all Bio Engineered Animals/Plants/Insects and mutated zombies.
13. Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Again, remakes and sequels have a tendency to be really bad. This one is not as good as the original but does earn some cred for including a cover of Down With the Sickness by Richard Cheese and Johnny Cash’s The Man Comes Around in the opening credits. The best parts of the movie are pure zombie genre goodies. Ana fleeing her husband who abandons his pursuit to attack a robe clad neighbor on his lawn.Aerial shot of Ana driving from town as mass hysteria ensues including a car crashing through an intersection into a gas station and exploding.The death and reanimation of Frank (Matt Frewer) is a classic archetype moment of despair and dread being experienced by his daughter.The A-Team Bus ShuttlesThe crash and dismemberment of half the team while escaping.
14. Re-Animator
Cult classic status aside, this is an adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s work “Herbert West-Reanimator.” The tale imagines zombies as a kind of Romero/Vodou hybrid. They are willing servants to a master but are violent and in some cases cannibalistic. The movie adaptation spawned two sequels which work to adapt some of the beginning and end of Lovecraft’s serialization. Jeffrey Combs is the main character but scream queen Barbara Crampton makes an appearance as the daughter of the dean of Myskatonic University who gets molested by a zombie.
15. Night of the Creeps
Tom Atkins, known, mainly in his native Pittsburgh, for his expert portrayal of Art Rooney in the stage production of “The Chief” is also known for his role in Halloween III: Season of the Witch, the horrible entry into the Halloween franchise. Here he is a cop trying to destroy slug like alien creatures that have infected and possessed humans, turning them into zombies. It’s campy, it’s 80s, it has one the funniest exchanges in dialogue, ever. “I got good news and bad news, girls. The good news is your dates are here.” “What’s the bad news?” “They’re dead.”
Honorable Mention
Cemetary Man aka Dellamorte Dellamore
This one has been making the rounds on Encore and other cable movie stations. At first I couldn't make heads or tails of what was going as my wife was sucked into this tale, but after watching again, I started to appreciate the commentary that the film follows. Rupert Everett is the titular character, dispatching zombies as they rise out of graveyard along with his mentally handicapped assistant, who begins a love affair with a reanimated head. Everett's Francesco Delleamorte carries out his job like so many of us in this world. "This is my business. They pay me for it." he laments as he blows away a resurrected biker who springs forth from the grave on his bike. The grim reaper also appears, as an over sized puppet, trying to recruit Dellamorte as a fellow reaper. It grows on you like only an Italian film can.
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