Ouija, Tetris, and other So Bad Let's Make Them Movies About Games

Battleship was merely the tip of the bad idea iceberg set to run aground and destroy us.   There is a Tetris movie in the works and this Fall, Ouija slides its way into theaters.

So, I thought.  Why not beat the machine to the punch.  Here is my list of the SO BAD LET’S MAKE THEM MOVIES BASED ON GAMES

Christopher Nolan’s Reversi
Hungry Hungry Hippos 2: The Purging

Martin Scorcese’s Monopoly with Daniel Day Lewis playing Rich Uncle Pennybags

Joaquin Phoenix stars in UNO, a film by Spike Jonze

Judd Apatow’s Ants in the Pants

Russell Crowe squares off against Christoph Waltz in Terrence Malick’s RISK

Quentin Tarrantino’s Grindhouse double feature Trivial Pursuit/Scrabble

Rob Zombie’s Candy Land

Liam Nesson in Sorry!

Michael Bay’s Perfection 

Top Ten Queen Moments on Film

Having just learned that Sacha Baron Cohen backed out of playing Freddie Mercury in a biopic film, I felt the need to look back at cinema and cherry pick my favorite uses of Queen music from films.

With that I give you Top Ten Queen Moments on Film.

10: Iron Man 2 - "Another One Bites The Dust" (Remix)
It wasn't the greatest of sequels.   But there is a brief moment where Iron Man faces off with his best friend, wearing the War Machine suit and Queen kicks up in the background.  Blink and you might miss it.

9: Ella Enchanted - "Somebody To Love"
Before she waif-ted away to nearly nothing in order to tackle Les Miserables and earn herself an Oscar, Anne Hathaway sung her tiny lungs out as Ella Frel in Ella Enchanted.  I've never seen the movie, but the clip does her singing some justice.  It doesn't do much justice for Freddie Mercury's voice, though.  I guess it's a cute movie, and I needed it to make up ten entries... so. 

8:  A Knight’s Tale – "We Will Rock You"
2001 brought Heath Ledger to a new level of fame, prior to being in another “Knight” film.  The late actor took on the role of William Thatcher, a lowly squire looking to change his stars.  To do that, he assumes the identity of a knight in order to compete in tournaments and win the heart of the Shannyn Sossamon.   In his first tournament, disguised as his dead master, Lord Ector, he rocks the joust. 

In the opening credits, the peasants in the gallery chant and cheer, something that would probably be ancestral to today’s stadium behaviors.  How fitting that Queen provides the ever popular and hardly unknown “Stomp, Stomp, Clap” beat to their chants.

7: Iron Eagle - "One Vision"
 "This ain't no game, I'm telling ya!"  Anytime you can get a hardened Air Force colonel to loosen up and listen to some Queen, you've done something good.   The poor man's Top Gun gave us a true 80s version of a hot shot pilot.   One that bombs unidentifiable Middle Eastern targets while adjusting the equalizer on his Walkman. It's not Maverick, or even Gooseman for that matter, but Iron Eagle had something that Top Gun didn't, 80s plausible film logic.  While Top Gun showed a more, loosely put, realistic view of how Naval Fighter Pilots train, Iron Eagle gave us the tale of how a kid on an Air Force base could pull off a secret rescue mission, complete with two fighter jets and a shit load of ammunition.  

While the government tries to hunt down a NSA whistle blower in today's world, the 80s sees a kid that breaks every foreign policy rule in the book get admitted to flight school. 
 

  

6:  Grosse Point Blank – "Under Pressure"

We never truly leave high school.  That is never more true than when we return home for a reunion.  Stoic loner and contract killer, Martin Blank comes home again as his present and past collides in a high school gym.   Faced with the feeling of angst towards killing bad people for money, he has a moment staring into the wide eyes of a classmate’s son.  The universe smacks him upside the head as his life hurtles towards epiphany, complete with the David Bowie/Queen collaboration, Under Pressure. 
 

5: Shaun of the Dead - "Don't Stop Me Now"
"Why is Queen still on?" 
Cause it's flipping awesome.   The zom-com that bent the genre on it's nibbled ear had a memorable scene where a record collection was dissected in order to determine which works were salvageable and which could be made into wax weapons of mass distortion.  But later at The Winchester was where the magic happened, randomly, that is as this ditty came on the jukebox as our heroes fight to keep out the dead.    
  
YOUTUBE WON'T LET ME EMBED SO, CLICKY THE LINKY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrluARJUCUg    


4: Flash Gordon – "THE WHOLE SOUNDTRACK"

By today’s standards, this movie might would have ruined comic book adaptations.  But, there is something nostalgic and kitsch about the lack of good special effects and… well, script.   Part of it could be Max Von Sydow as Ming or Brian Blessed as Vultan or Pre James Bond Timothy Dalton as Barin.  Or… it could be Queen’s kick ass soundtrack.  I’ll let you decide. 
  

3: Highlander - "THE WHOLE SOUNDTRACK"  
I'm not sure if the movie beget a love of Queen's music and swordplay in nerds or if the creators of the movie acknowledged a tie-in between the type of music Queen made and nerds love of swords and epic stories.   In any case, who wants to live forever, right?  If only they would have stopped at the first film, they could have stopped a lifetime of vitriol among their fan base.  At least they had a few years before the Internet was born... but the series made up for some of that. 
 

2: Revenge of the Nerds – "We Are the Champions"

"No one's really gonna be free until nerd persecution ends."  Truer words were never spoken, but history has a way of changing and nerds rule these days.  But there was a time, back in the 80s when nerds were outcasts and the meek.  It was a simpler time when panty raids and CCV streams of sorority houses weren’t considered remotely creepy or illegal.  It was a time when you could simply win any battle with a well choreographed light and sound show, complete with a spiky haired Timothy Busfield rocking the violin.   But when the jocks of Alpha Beta take out their vengeance by destroying the house of Lambda Lambda Lamdba, the only way to end the war is with a passionate speech about embracing your inner nerd.  It also helps when you have Queen underscoring your monologue.   I wanted to make this number one, I did.  But while ROTN has that great Queen moment, number one goes meta by acknowledging what we already know.
 

1:  Wayne’s World – "Bohemian Rhapsody"

Good call, right?  

The 1992 movie introduced Queen to a generation of fans that never heard their older siblings’ records.  Flash Gordon introduced me to Queen, but this film introduced me to "Bohemian Rhapsody".  

It seems a bit too easy to go with "Bohemian Rhapsody" at number one, but admit it.  You still bang your head at the guitar solo, right?  Though, these days, it hurts to give it a full effort.  I may have to spew into a paper cup.    
 

Got any favorite Queen moments in movies? Let me know in the comments!

Pay No Attention To That Man Behind The T-Rex

We do our best to protect our kid from the dangers of bad dreams.   When you try to explain something scary in a movie that they may have seen, it can go all wrong.    You don’t want to downplay the act as something that is acceptable in real life, say a fight between two people.  You explain, “Those are actors, and after the scene changes, they get up and go on being friends or coworkers.  It’s not real.  That’s not blood.  That’s like ketchup or something.”  Unfortunately, for me, I may have ruined my child for good when it comes to the magic of movies.

Growing up at the beginning of the Sci-Fi blockbuster genre, circa 1977, I was completely blown away by Star Wars and Indiana Jones and other fantastic sights on screen.  Even as an adult, the sight of a dinosaur in Jurassic Park was magical.

By today’s standards, it barely registers on a movie goers radar, but in 1993, when the best CGI effects were still yet to come, that sight was something that made the movie geek in me squeee nearly out loud.

At the age of two, noticing that my own kid had an affection for dinosaurs, I made the choice to let her watch it.    We talked about it, and I made her fully aware that it was not really a dinosaur.  Even went as far as to show her the behind the scenes stuff with the models, and green screen, and animatronic characters used in making the film.  She accepted it and loved it anyway.   We also happened upon Ghostbusters on cable and she ate that up like Slimer in a hot dog cart.  Again, I had to explain the ghosts, and the dogs, and Stay Puft.   She accepted it, and loved it.

At almost six, she is now quick to point out any scene in a television show or movie that is “not real”.   She happened upon me playing Dead Island of all things, and I let her watch me play it, with the subtitles on, so I could cough, clear my throat, or “Hablaedfhaefhah” over the bad language.   Now, I could be perceived as the worst parent in the world, here.  Dead Island is a far cry from House of the Dead II & III which she saw my father-in-law and I play on many occasions a couple years before.   I told her, this could be scary, and if you start to have issues with it, I’m quitting it.

“No, Daddy.  It’s not going to give me nightmares.“
“Why do you know that?”
“Because.  That’s not real blood.  It’s like ketchup or something.”
OK, she hasn’t made the distinction between video games and films being made in different ways, yet.  But, she has become quite the backseat gamer.
“Daddy, stop going through all that luggage.  The zombie will come get you.”
“Daddy, leave that zombie, over there, alone.  It’s not bothering you.”  I go and bother the zombie and fifteen more appear out of nowhere and kill me.  “See?  What did I tell you?”

Touche, kiddo.

But I worry.  I worry not for the chance that she’s going to grow up with a detached sense of right or wrong or even that she is going to be desensitized to the point of grabbing a high powered rifle and climbing into a clock tower.  I’m worried that, as she gets a little older and I can share more films with her that struck a chord in me at that age, she will not be impressed because, “I can see the wires” or “That’s ketchup.”  There are so many fantastical movies that are full immersion into a suspended disbelief from my generation.  Even today, the adaptations of The Lord of The Rings and The Hobbit are beautiful in terms of CGI.  But, she will just see pick apart the process that created them, because I was worried she’d have nightmares.

She had to accept death at such an early age and we didn’t pull any punches with explaining what happened to her maternal grandmother.   They were great friends and she loved her Grammy so much.   To see her in a hospital, on life support, after having a brain hemorrhage.  To remember the image, and now always recall “Grammy’s Yellow Hair” from the surgery to try and relieve the pressure, kills me.  But, we didn’t want to say, “Grammy’s sleeping” and we didn’t want to deemphasize the importance of what has happened, so we gave it to her straight.  And now, the kid has more knowledge about life and death than most her age.

She may never develop that “suspension of disbelief” in films because she learned at such an early age to, pay attention to that man behind the curtain.

Breaking Bond: Part Two of the Skyfall Review

Continuing the review of Skyfall by discussing the evolution of Bond Baddies over the years. Spoilers ahead.

Bond villains are of a special breed. Most have some physical deformity, ranging from the slight to the ridiculous. Most are geniuses in their own right. All are certifiably wacko. Over the last 50 years the blueprint for a Bond villain has primarily stayed the same; crazy, smart, well funded, singled minded, and short sighted. However, the latest seems to have done a lot of homework on his predecessors and then built a better mouse.

It always made me laugh how inept the Bond villains were. First of all, you knew from the opening gun barrel that James Bond would always return. The villain would never win. Even in the case of Casino Royale, Bond catches up to Mr. White… who is immediately dispatched in the beginning of the next film. But, in every film, once Bond gets his orders, he usually encounters the big bad by the end of the first act.

He meets Bond, explains pleasantries and then immediately tries to kill him with an elaborate, yet easily escapable situation. There’s a reason Austin Powers called that out. It’s true. In fact, it’s not even like Bond disguises himself to the villain very well. Even with a fake name and back story, the villain knows it’s Bond. And yet, they do the dance of one-up-man-ship to prove who has the bigger Goldfinger… or is it Thunderballs?

Bond has faced many lethal and quite capable villains, yet none of them have ever done the simplest of tasks… kill Bond. In Skyfall, the closest he came to death was being shot by his own team. Most rely on their henchmen, physically over matched for 007, yet the Goliath to his David. Easily felled, usually by their own physical traits. Odd Job is killed by being electrocuted by his own hat, and Knick Knack gets trapped in a suitcase due to his size. Maybe that’s how he got to Fantasy Island. Mr. Rourke found him floating by in a suitcase.

But you can bet Scaramanga’s third nipple that the Bond villain is probably the best role any actor can land in terms of having fun on a Bond film. In fact, Bond films are probably the only place where the villain can be free to be as outlandish and scene gluttonous without fear of totally overshadowing the blunt instrument that is 007. I don’t think Roger Moore or Sean Connery felt like Michael Keaton did going up against Jack Nicholson’s grand larceny of scenes in Batman. Bond is never the comic relief, he’s the straight man anchoring the film while the villain is free to take a jet pack ride through the stratosphere of over the top performances in a Bond film. Skyfall’s Silva seems to borrow most of his crazy…and hair care tips from A View To a Kill’s Walken, while carving out his damaged psyche and motivation from the same cloth as Goldeneye’s Alec Trevelyan, and finally a referral from Jaws’ orthodontist. While Blofeld is probably Bond’s biggest nemesis, his kind of villain is probably never going to make an appearance in the 21st century world of Bond and QUANTUM.

With the Craig era of Bond villains, we get a more subdued and not quite so flamboyant performance and back story… That is until we reach Javier Bardem in Skyfall. Le Chiffre is hardly bombastic, with his plans. He hires a bomb maker to blow up the maiden flight of an airline in order to tank the stock… helping to fund terrorism. He intends to make up his losses to his war mongering clients by winning it all on cards. He’s sort of a down on his luck villain that cries blood. In Quantum of Solace, we have a somewhat green terrorist… get it, green? Well, at least he pretends to be trying to save the planet, but it’s all about money in the end. Dominic Greene isn’t even that much of a physical threat… sure, with a gun, he’s dangerous because he’s nuts, but he doesn’t even appear all that smart… just opportunistic. His death doesn’t even come at the hands of Bond, but played as a footnote, related to Bond by M. He was found with two slugs in the back of his head and a stomach full of motor oil. Now, why they bothered to do an autopsy with the apparent cause of death as lead poisoning and cranial ventilation, I don’t know.

When we get to Skyfall, the rules change, somewhat. As I said, Silva could be most closely compared to Alec Trevelyan in his back story; a field agent who ended up being a little more of a hacker than he should have been, traded for other agents, betrayed by M and MI6. He finds his place in the Pantheon of Bond Villains with the three basic traits: physical deformity – collapsed face and damaged vocal cords from a faulty cyanide pill, brilliant – cyber terrorist extraordinaire who outwits Ben Winshaw’s young and geeky Q, crazy as balls – bent on revenge against M and MI6. But where other Bond villains rely on sophisticated torture devices and henchmen to soften up Bond, Silva used a very simply tactic; sexual harassment. That scene was ridiculously uncomfortable yet ten times better than Le Chiffre “scratching” of Bond’s balls.

Ultimately, Silva suffers the same problem as most villains. He is too hell bent on his plan. He continues even when all is lost. While chaps like Blofeld try to escape in their subs, like in Diamonds Are Forever, Silva hunts M down like a dog, asking to end it all. Well, he got his wish… and I’ll say nothing more.

Coming up next… Bond Girl Interrupted.

Being Bond: Part One of the Skyfall Review

The character is so one dimensional that he could be nearly faceless. As it’s been said, he is just the guy pulling a trigger, a blunt instrument.  Ian Fleming himself sought to create a totally uninteresting character, devoid of personality where things just happened to him.  He even gave him, what he thought was a boring name, originating from an ornithologist. Yet, for all his base, the character has evolved with every film, in five decades.  He has never been boring or faceless on screen.  Here now, a look at the ongoing evolution of Bond, James Bond.  Be careful.  Spoilers ahead.

Sean Connery (Dr. No, From Russia With Love, Goldfinger, Thunderball, You Only Live Twice,  and Diamonds Are Forever.   Six films, not counting the Non-Eon Film: Never Say Never Again)
Connery was all gruff and misogynistic, a caveman of class, but it was enough to get the Bond girls out of their clothes. His physical style was more brute force, a blunt instrument like Fleming's description. He quipped and straightened a cuff link, but he was definitely not the most cerebral of the Bonds. He’d just assume slap a woman for being obstinate. In the 60s, the sexual revolution was still forming and for a while, Bond’s ways were tolerable, if not applauded.

George Lazenby (One film: On Her Majesty's Secret Service)
Lazenby didn’t have enough time to develop a character.  He won the part basically by punching out the stunt coordinator during the audition.  The producers wanted someone who put forth an air of sexual confidence and assurance, but his brief marriage and loss of his wife proved to be a more intriguing part of the Bond mythos.  After all, he showed up in a kilt and got married, something no Bond had probably ever done before or since.

Roger Moore (Live and Let Die, The Man With the Golden Gun, The Spy Who Loved Me, Moonraker, For Your Eyes Only, Octopussy,  and A View To a Kill.  Seven films total.)
Moore was more regal and suave, sexy through chivalry, in a way. His one dark turn, kicking a villain’s car off the side of a cliff, essentially killing him in cold blood was somewhat out of character but justified. Moore’s Bond would normally have played by the Queen’s rules, giving the villain a sporting chance.

Timothy Dalton (The Living Daylights and License To Kill. Two films.)
Dalton was somewhat human and softened in a way. Some will argue his Bond was more violent and action driven. They’ll say his Bond was darker than previous and that could be true, but it comes from a sense of character. His psyche was conflicted and it humanized him a bit. He was the more evolved and sensitive kind of Bond, in a way. He was probably the most realistic Bond to date. His bro-mance with Felix Leiter in License to Kill was apparent of this.

Pierce Brosnan (Goldeneye, Tomorrow Never Dies, The World Is Not Enough, Die Another Day. Four films total.) 
Brosnan was called a dinosaur in his first outing by a, now, female M. He was a relic of the Cold War which had ended since Dalton wore the tux. This was a more PC world in the 90s and was no more evident in the dynamic between Judi Dench’s M and Brosnan’s Bond discussing his masculinity and perhaps even safe sex in this time of love and AIDS. Brosnan’s physical presence was a combination of past Bonds. He was capable of the physical demands of the character, but gave the role a more debonair, analytical approach. He could kill you with a gun or fight you to the death, but he’d just assume beat you tactically with his brain. Usually, his good fortune was sprung from luck, the right gadget, or timing. He was cool, calm, and collective. Looking back on the first film, it still holds up well in terms of believability, however, as the the films went on, it became increasingly silly that he could outlive any scenario he was a part of, including the silly Die Another Day paragliding on a wave.  But beyond all that, he also looked to have the most fun playing Bond. I viewed Brosnan’s Bond as a kid getting to play the greatest character ever. It was Christmas for him.

Daniel Craig (Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace, and Skyfall.  Three films so far. Reported that he signed on for two more.)
I admit it. When Brosnan left and Craig was named, I was skeptical. He’s blond, blue-eyed, and only 5’ 10”. The shortest Bond was Timothy Dalton at 6’0”. The Bonds have gotten successively shorter throughout the series. I wasn’t a fan of Dalton, even though I watched the films. I grew up on Roger Moore and only saw Connery in Never Say Never Again or repeats of the earlier films during the holiday showings of the 13 Days of Bond on TBS. So, I went into Casino Royale… part reboot, part adaptation, part sequel, with a lot of concerns.

Then the song came out. Grunge doing Bond? Soundgarden’s front man doing a Bond song? WTF?!?! We had Shirley Manson and that was near awful but appropriate voice and styling for a theme song. However, this? How could EON recast this Bond and hire this singer? This will be awful, I thought. Then, I listened to the song and watched the trailer. I was more psyched than ever. Then, I saw Casino Royale in the theater. I was blown away. Not only had CR erased the stain of Die Another Day, it gave the franchise a much needed shot in the arm… or jolt to the heart, as it were.

Then, Quantum of Solace got mired in the bureaucracy of a writers’ strike, as if SPECTRE held the world ransom, demanding payment or else the world would never see another Bond film. Even though it was a financial success, most agree it is the worst of the three Craig films and probably in the bottom five of all Bond films, alongside Die Another Day and Diamonds are Forever.

What we do get with each successive Craig outing is a very different, more updated Bond. Craig’s Bond is one that is overall more physical. We’ve come to the point in film technology where special effects and CGI can cover a lot more than it did when Connery would drive a car with a movie screen in the background showing a rear view scene. Sure there is plenty of double work, but Dalton, Brosnan, and Craig did do a lot of their own stunt work. I would venture to say, however, that Craig’s Bond is clearly in the best shape. He runs in nearly every film. Hell, he almost does friggin’ Parkour in Casino Royale’s chase through Madagascar. As far as Bonds go, he also gets the most bloody. His face takes most of the damage, it seems. A piece of trivia: Skyfall is only the second time Bond has sustained a gunshot wound since Thunderball.

Craig’s Bond is also the most damaged of them all. He is a Bond that, even though is new to being a 00 agent, seems to exhibit some form of PTSD. I’m not sure if it was already there or if the death of Vesper and the torture scene leads to it. He basically loses the taste for death, even though he is a harbinger of it in the form of dead female bodies along the way. While QoS was more about bringing down the SPECTRE and SMERSH like group called Quantum, but it’s more about Vesper. It’s vengeance. It’s retribution disguised as job task.
By Skyfall, he clearly lives for death, perhaps even his own, as is seen in the opening scene. Whether his wounds lead to his dependence on painkillers and alcohol, or his feelings of betrayal from M and MI6, Craig’s Bond looks more like a soldier, unable to reintegrate into society after combat.

When Bond does return, he is pretty messed up. He’s dependent on booze and pills, his skills are off and he’s still damaged. But he’s the best there is. He gets cleared for duty by M, who is the cause of all this mess. So, Bond it is.

Now, he has to save the one person who hung him out to dry, M. M is the one woman in his life, that is consistently around, since there’s no Moneypenny…. *cough* yet. M is the closest thing he has to a stable anchor in this world. The closest thing he has to a mother. That’s the new twist on Craig’s Bond, his childhood. We learn he was orphaned at a young age, recruited by MI6 due to his parental status. It’s not supposed that Dench’s M is the only M, since Ralph Fiennes takes over and we hear in Dench’s first turn mentions of previous Ms. However, this M’s portrayal is different than Dench’s M in the Brosnan era. Dench and Brosnan played it as an unwilling, yet necessary partnership between a successful and high ranking female in the 90s and a male subordinate, who is an HR nightmare, yet continues to be the best performer in the office. With Craig, the relationship transcends one of necessity and appears to be a grooming or a nurturing… I could envision Bond hanging out in M’s office during the day while all the other employees toil away at their desks, jealous of the preferential treatment. Yet, he still infuriates her. It’s almost become comical how he breaks into her home.

There is a devil behind blue eyes in Craig’s Bond. He is nothing, if not serious, but the comedy from Craig’s delivery comes from a more acerbic and sarcastic place. It’s very rooted in the humor landscape of the last 10 years. Connery’s humor was very simple, he was the straight man reacting to the funny things around him. There was a playfulness to it, but he wasn’t over the top in making quips. Most of the time he was reacting to Q’s idiosyncrasies or the names of his Bond girls. Moore was more of a English gentleman. There is double entendre or tongue in cheek humor to Moore’s humor. His facial expressions tell the joke, almost breaking fourth wall convention. Was Dalton funny? I kid. I really don’t pay a lot of tribute to Dalton who was probably the closest to Flemming’s description of James Bond. Brosnan was very jovial in his humor, very puckish. Craig is more devious and delinquent. Rascally in his mischief.

There you have it, my takes on each of the Bonds.  Coming up next time, a look at the evolution of the villain. 

25 Best Musical Performances in Non-musical Films: 5-1

I’ve been counting down my top 25 most iconic musical performances in a non musical film.  Once again, these are musical performances, lip synched or otherwise that stood out in the landscape of pop culture.  These are not from movies that have a real musical story element.  These are from films where someone, for whatever reason, breaks out into song and dance.

Now, I’ve visited the 70s, 80s, 90s, and 00s for selections 25-6.   I’ve done mostly comedies, and at least one thriller.   While a majority of the top five includes comedy, one of them is black and there is one war film in there.  For the top five, I’m going to give a little exposition on each one.  Sort of why I picked it and why it left an impression on me.

So, let’s not waste anymore time.  OK?

The typical childhood pop culture diet usually contains equal parts annoying kiddie show music, repetitive imagery and music from cartoons, and Disney.  Well, my kid doesn’t get that.  She’s more on the ball with my childhood’s pop culture landscape than I was when I was her age.

In my childhood, my father warped my mind with viewings of Monty Python and other British late night comedies.   Couple that with stealing HBO as a kid and I saw more movies that led to my corruption.    Chief among them  were the films of Mel Brooks.   History of the World Part I, To Be or Not To Be, and Blazing Saddles were some of my favorites.  But one stood out among the rest.  It was a black and white monster film.  OK, it was really a comedy, but still, it had a mad scientist, an ominous monster, and a hilarious musical performance that has become a quintessential joke whenever someone imitates Frankenstein’s monster.  “Puuhtin ahn tha Riiiitz!”

5. Young Frankenstein "Puttin on the Ritz"



Another film I had only seen once I was into my early teens because it was pretty risqué for its time.  Anytime you look at the TV Guide and you see the abbreviations “N” and “SC” in the synopsis for a movie, you knew you weren’t getting to see it with parents around.  Once again, HBO stepped in and I happened to catch this one when I was home alone.  Oh my!

In typical 80s fashion an outlandish scheme is hatched to cover up an even more outlandish lie which results in everything being positively resolved by the end of the film.  If only life could work like that.

Anyway, all this 80s style mayhem and one superstar’s career started simply with a pair of sunglasses, tighty whities, and Bob Seger.

4. Risky Business "Old Time Rock and Roll"




War movies are usually not known for being upbeat or sing-songy… unless that movie is South Pacific.   They’re mostly dour and somber with explosions and grief.   However, one must keep up the British end, even when a POW.  When faced with impossible odds, keep a stiff upper lip, stick out your chest and whistle a tune which serves as a placeholder for lyrics that speak of Hitler only having one ball.

Most kids don’t relish watching a two and a half hour war film, especially one that does not involve Stallone or Schwarzenegger blowing up bad guys with their one liners.   For me, though, this next film was a classic already and I loved it.  It was more cerebral than its muscle headed 80s counterparts.    But, mainly, I loved it because it had Obi-Wan Kenobi as sort of a bastard.  Seeing Alec Guiness play against type of the stoic, Zen like Jedi Master in Star Wars was really a treat.  I’d love to see his George Smiley from the BBC’s 1979 version of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy.

But for now, I’ll just have to remember to put my lips together and blow.

3. Bridge on the River Kwai "Colonel Bogey March"


Also, I have to include as a footnote that the Colonel Bogey March appears again in another memorable 80s classic.  Same idea, POWs trying to make the best of a bad situation; Saturday detention.

Breakfast Club "Colonel Bogey March"



Stanley Kubrick was a sick f*ck.  Bloody brilliant director though.  I saw the Shining at a young age and that damn scene with the bear suit still freaks me out. And I saw 2001 and that damn star child still freaks me out. But, it wasn't until college that I actually saw this film. And yet, to this day, no matter how much I love his work, Malcolm McDowell still freaks me out.

2.Clockwork Orange "Singin' in the Rain"



Here it is, number one.   I hemmed and hawed of what I considered to be the most iconic musical performance in a non musical film.  It had to be something that sort of reached across some boundaries for people.   Being in my late 30s I thought back to first movie I ever rented on VHS.  We had just got a decent VCR for Christmas that year and my brother and I went down to the Valley Dairy to rent a video.  I had never seen this movie which had came out in theaters the previous summer.   It was a big hit in the theaters and had led to a recharting of an old tune from the 60s.  The scene featured two songs, lip synched by the lead character who pretty much just wanted to have a good day off from class. 

I think you know of which movie I speak.

1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off  "Danke Schoen / Twist and Shout"



Hope you enjoyed the list.  I'm going to put up an honorable mention list real soon.

Love Stinks in Pop Culture

What are the best love stories in pop culture, today?

New Year’s Eve? Gack.
Crazy, Stupid, Love? About cheating and divorce.
Just Go With It? Adam Sandler. It’s a love of childish humor.
Breaking Dawn? There we have it.

And before you start going on about, “This is a Twilight bashing post” I’m going to stop you right there.

Yes, it is.

But it’s much more than that.

The concept of love in a movie has been whittled down into this poor excuse for a relationship that is the Twilight saga. And before that, it was a Nicholas Sparks book adapted into a film.

Step 1: Two pretty white people fall in love.
Step 2: One dies.
Step 3: Advertise with a stupid reused poster of two people kissing with the guy holding the cheeks of the girl. (Rain optional)
Step 4: Profit

So, my coworker, who is 10 years younger than I am (damn kids, kidding), asked me, “What was the love story of your day?” Meaning “What did girls and adult females consider the pinnacle of romance back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth and phones had mangled fifty foot long cords.”

I thought about it and here’s what I came up with, looking at it generationally (20 year period) from 1978 through 1998. I would have been between the ages of three and 23 during this period.

General Hospital (1978) Luke and Laura
As a kid, I remember two big romantic to dos in the world. Luke and Laura being married and Charles and Diana. Since we are talking about impacting television, readers, or movie goers, I think Luke and Laura win out in that category. However, like Twilight, the beginning of this supercouple involves a bad relationship… including a drunken Luke raping Laura. While Twilight never moves toward sexual assault, there is a case for an abusive relationship.

Empire Strikes Back (1980) Geeks in love?
Well, every preteen in 1983 made the jump to hyper-puberty when Carrie Fisher showed up in the gold bikini on Jabba the Hutt’s party barge, but three years before, romance filled the galaxy as Han and Leia pouted. The already sexual tension filled storyline between the two characters, which kicked off in the first movie, mixed with Irvin Kershner’s direction pretty much set the stage for romance among the stars as Han and Leia smooched in the bowels of a space slug aboard the Millennium Falcon and led to one of the greatest improved lines of all, “I know.”

Why does that work? It seems kind of cocky and prick worthy, which IS Han Solo, but watch that scene directly after the scenes in the Falcon, and in the corridors of Echo Base on Hoth. Han is pretty much saying, “You love me. Why won’t you admit that I am an OK guy and that we could be good together?”

When Leia says, “I love you,” Han could easily say to her, “I love you, too.” He doesn’t. Why? Because he acknowledges that she has taken that step into the abyss and torn down the wall between their feelings. She’s confirming his statement to her back on Hoth about, “…because of the way you feel about me.” This isn’t goodbye. He gets that she gets it and let’s her know that he understands and welcomes what she is saying, not just because of the circumstance they are in at the moment.

Brat Pack Invasion (1984-89) The combination of John Huges and Cameron Crowe
This one spans almost five years, five films, two directors, and 20 plus actors. Probably the biggest comparison can make to teen love and angst comes in the form of Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, The Breakfast Club, Some Kind of Wonderful and Say Anything. Even though some people often think Say Anything is a John Hughes movie, because of the cast and subject matter, it has nothing to do with Hughes. It’s actually a bit darker in tone because of the plotline involving John Mahoney going to jail. It still follows some of the formula that John Hughes mined for 80s movie gold and it’s still awesome 23 years later.

Whether it be Claire and Bender, Duckie and Andie and Blaine, Samantha and Jake, Watts and Keith and Amanda, or Diane and Lloyd, the history of love and heartbreak is as universal as Shakespeare or even the triangle of Jacob and Bella and Edward. (gack.)

But teen girls everywhere hearted Jake Ryan and Lloyd Dobler. They wanted to be with bad boy John Bender and even sort of pulled for Keith to stop going after Amanda Jones and choose the tomboyish drummer, Watts, who may have resembled them in a way.

John Hughes and Cameron Crowe wrote dialogue that normal teenagers didn’t use out loud but their thoughts mirrored what the characters said on film. It would be another ten years before that kind of sentiment was expressed through scripts spoken by high school kids.

Then there’s this: The ultimate expression of love for millions of guys hurt by the girl they love.

Phantom of the Opera (1986) She chose wrong!
My own wife thinks that Christine should have gone with the Phantom. Of course, she loves Twilight, too.  Well, a lot of women and girls loved the Andrew Lloyd Webber adaptation of the Gaston Leroux novel. Though anyone with any kind of theatrical training loathes how this became the standard for musical theater) High School and College Freshman drama geeks who dedicated their lives, or at least an entire wall in their bedrooms, to POTO were worse than Hipsters or Gleeks are today.

Beauty and the Beast (1987-1990) Television Series with Linda Hamilton and Ron Pearlman.
RON FREAKING PERLMAN! Female audiences swooned over the prosthetic faced enhanced Perlman as Vincent. He looked like a cross between the lead singer for Europe and the transformed Michael Jackson at the beginning of Thriller. Of course, that’s understandable because the makeup for both was done by Rick Baker. The relationship between the two transcended looks and worlds and Vincent was probably better looking Fabio in most rights.

Sadly, the show suffered the loss of Linda Hamilton in season three, at her desire. Hey, she didn’t pull a David Caruso. The following year she went full throttle into stardom, reprising her role as Sarah Conner in T2.

Disney Strikes Back (1989-1993)  Four movies that made you fall in love all over again
The Classic era of Disney animated features is speckled with a rich lineup.  Snow White, Cinderella, The Lady and the Tramp, and Sleeping Beauty all had strong romantic themes to them.  We've all, at least, attempted to push a meatball across the plate with our nose or slurped up a single noodle between us and our significant other at one time or another.  But it would be 30 years before the notion of a strong romantic storyline would grace the cels of a Disney animated film.  The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, and The Lion King all had the same things in common; strong female characters, a love story, and Oscar winning songs by Alan Menken, collaborating first with Howard Ashmen then Tim Rice after Ashmen's death in 1991. 

The themes in those three movies resonated for adults as much as they did in children and made Disney the animation powerhouse to beat,until a little company called Pixar animated a few toys.  It also didn't hurt to have some of the top R&B Soul and Pop Music artists record your main theme song.  This was a trend that started with Beauty and the Beast and continued through Tarzan.  Each year becoming a little more ridiculous as they trotted out past their prime pop stars from the 80s like Phil Collins and Michael Bolton.  Sadly, Michael Bolton's best work since then was in an SNL Digital Short called "Jack Sparrow".  Regardless, love was in the air but the heavy handed love song from The Lion King, while extremely popular, its place in the film is a bit lost as the love story between Simba and Nala is a minor one.  That's probably why "The Circle of Life" was also a big hit from the soundtrack, unlike previous years which only had one song on Top 40 radio.

***UPDATE***
The Wonder Years (1988-1993) Kevin Arnold and Winnie Cooper
I can't believe I forgot this one.   I almost pulled an Entertainment Weekly.  The world of puberty told through the eyes of Kevin Arnold by one of the Sticky Bandits.  The first episode set all the groundwork you needed for romance history.  That one girl in the neighborhood.  The one that was always there, geeky and awkward.  She comes back after one summer and she's transformed into the goddess of your dreams.  Then, you know how it goes, you make plans to get some of that and you envision her dead Vietnam Vet brother protecting her from likes of you.

Kevin and Winnie's was one of those tv romances that worked because it was sweet and innocent.  The show worked because it was life for all of us who grew up with them. It was the romantic equivalent of A Christmas Story for me. 

Unfortunately, YouTube won't let me embed this but it's a great compendium of Kevin and Winnie moments.

My So-Called Life (1994) Angela and Jordan
My friend actually called me on this one.  How could I forget it?  Sad to say, a lot of people did miss this bright spot in the tv spectrum.   It was cancelled before it's time and while it was on par with the WB Explosion a few years later, in terms of pop culture impact, it was too dark for ABC and mainstream programming.

The relationship between Angela and Jordan was one of those troubled teen romances that was a great parallel for how kids acted in the real world.  The dialogue was smart and the angst was almost Shakespearean in nature.  While their relationship wasn't the main focus on the show, it was probably one of the most memorable aspects of it.

***END UPDATE***

Titanic (1997)  The biggest thing that went down wasn't the ship...
Unfortunately, this is probably the single biggest impact on romantic film or television of any age group during my cross section of life. In fact, the biggest thing in this film isn’t the historical account of the ship hitting the iceberg or its sinking, it’s the imagined love story between a lady of status and a third class passenger.

I say, “Unfortunately” because, for how big a film it was, the footprint is almost clichéd and tacky when you think back about it. I mean, no one thought skinny ties and ugly sweaters were enough to give kids the eyeroll treatment of us when we first wore them. But looking back you have to cringe at the notion that we left the house thinking we looked cool in pegged jeans and mullets. The emo generation probably think that loving Celine Dion’s song is the biggest crime against music since Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech. And, if I didn’t agree with Kanye in some small way, I’d think it was too, even though I own the Titanic soundtrack.

Let’s face it, it’s a tacky love song and almost an overly melodramatic chick flick, 15 years later. Holy Crap?!?! My wife’s niece wasn’t even alive when this film came out. Gawd, I’m old. Shut the blinds, I don’t want to see the light!

The WB Years (1997, 1998) The second coming of John Hughes for television
As a little upstart network, far down the depth chart of the television dial, The WB cranked up the competition with the big four by populating its lineup with smarty-smart teeny bopper dialogue from maverick's like Joss Whedon and Kevin Williamson. Having a self deprecating and self aware outlook on teen life and romance, they wrote smart dialogue for shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Dawson’s Creek.

Much like John Hughes, 15 years before them, Joss’ and Kevin’s characters spoke differently than the average real life teen but their take on relationships were a lot more real and acceptable than Stephanie Meyer. Not saying they were any less abusive. It’s not every day that a girl loses her virginity to a hundred year old vampire who then wants to torture and kill her and her friends. But, it’s a better metaphor for giving into peer pressure and sexual urges only to find that what you’ve built up as the end all, be all of human existence turns out to be a monster who doesn’t share your sentiment after the deed is done. Whether or not you have to kill that boy in order to save the world is beside the point.

Dawson grew up with the Nick at Nite version (my generation’s version) of parents and his life was far from realistic but like John Hughes’ characters, everyone rooted for Joey Potter and sometimes Jen Lindley. After all, it was the typical Ginger and Mary Ann contrast of female characters. You want Ginger for sex, but you want to settle down with Mary Ann. Just like girls WANTED John Bender for sex, but wanted Brian Johnson for a loyal and dependable husband figure.

But there is still the eyeroll factor when you look back at the early WB teen romance shows and realize that “I’ll Be” was the “In Your Eyes” of the first season finale and the pinnacle of love songs in which to express your true feelings to.  It was also the soundtrack for episode promos with that raspy voice over that wasn't Don LaFontaine

I weep for the young today.  Why? 

This



Jar Jar Binks: Scourge of the Star Wars Universe

I told you I was going to do it. In Horror Beyond Imagination, I wrote about my three year old being introduced to the saga of Star Wars by watching the original trilogy. I went on ad nauseum about my love of Return of the Jedi and how Palpatine’s failure might have been a huge plot hole. Brain cells and hours of productivity were lost in that post. But now, I’m back with another geek filled Star Wars related post sure to make your eyes bleed or at least have you reaching for a drink in your local cantina.

Jar Jar Binks. The name strikes fear and loathing in the most diehard of Star Wars fan. Why? For the 35+ crowd it was evidence to the madness of King George (Lucas) in that he sold out to the kiddie crowd. Critics cited that Jar Jar was a racial stereotype of Caribbean or Southern minstrel archetype. To me, he was just a bit annoying. His speech was a poor attempt on capturing the magic of Yoda’s dyslexic dialogue and the physical humor, while somewhat funny did not add to the story. In fact, throughout the entire prequel trilogy the physical and sight gag humor fell flat for me, even with R2-D2 and C-3PO. The subtly of the humor between R2 and 3PO perfectly complemented the action and drama of the original trilogy while the "played for laughs" robot head switch in Attack of the Clones was just dumb, in my opinion. In fact, among Episode’s I-III I was only able to find one line that truly made me laugh. That was Obi-Wan’s declaration that they were “Smart than this” after being captured by Dooku in the opening scenes of Revenge of the Sith.

Now naysayers will… um… nay say that Jar Jar was no different than the cute and cuddly Ewoks of Jedi. I say a pox upon you for that. The Ewoks, as teddy bearish as they were, were warriors. Jar Jar Buster Keaton-ed his way into victory on the battle field while the Ewoks used strategic war tactics. Ewoks were never played strictly for comedy while Jar Jar functioned as a clown or comical escape. You never felt that Jar Jar could actually be in danger or killed while Ewoks blew up left and right during the Battle on Endor.

But all this is prologue for the true evil of Jar Jar Binks. Let’s set the stage.

It’s the beginning of The Phantom Menace and a mysterious Sith is pulling the strings of several puppets which leads to war. Palpatine, as Sidious, has manipulated the Trade Federation into blockading and invading Naboo. He is doing this in order to force the Galactic Senate to fight back, allowing him a shot at becoming supreme chancellor and then ultimately, Emperor. To that end, you could say that he has orchestrated every single move of the characters in the films, including, as it is speculated, the birth of Anakin Skywalker. That means he has created a Jedi that will eventually become his apprentice by moving the characters of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan around a chess board in order to arrive on Tatooine with Padme, thus bringing Anakin to Coruscant and pushing him towards Padme years later in order to use her as leverage in bid to seduce Anakin to the dark side.

Now, for all of this to happen you have to have Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon arrive on Naboo and make it to Theed to rescue Amidala. If Jar Jar would have not been so clumsy or, better yet, not in the film, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon would not have gone to Otoh Gunga to meet Boss Nass. One could argue that they could have eventually made it to Theed on their own, rescued Amidala and continued Palpatine’s game but it’s possible that by then, Amidala could have been killed, already signed the treaty, or have been in a position that would have made rescue impossible. In any case, Jar Jar puts the Jedi on a path with destiny. His intervention sets the wheels in motion for Padme and Anakin to meet which causes Darth Vader to be “born.”

“Ok, hold up!” You might say, “You’re telling me that without Jar Jar Binks, there would be no Clone Wars or Emperor Palpatine.” In short, yes. “Why?” I’m so glad you asked. You see, Jar Jar might have been a catalyst for the Jedi’s mission to rescue Amidala which in turn positions Palpatine to assume chancellorship in the Senate after Amidala calls for a no confidence vote of Chancellor Valorum. That is true. And I am willing to assume that even without Jar Jar’s involvement the Jedi could have reached Theed, rescued Amidala, crashed on Tatooine, and brought Anakin along. However, Jar Jar assumes duties within the Senate as a Representative to the Senator of Naboo and calls for emergency powers to be given to the Supreme Chancellor in order to combat the Trade Federation and the Separatists. Had Jar Jar not been involved and allowed to carry such weight the Clone Army would not have been used to fight the droid armies on Genosia and Order 66 would not have been utilized to assassinate the Jedi. Once again, Jar Jar sets the wheels in motion for Palpatine to continue his plan and causes the destruction of the Republic, the Jedi Council, the Jedi, and nearly everyone else.

Thankfully, he was hardly seen at all in Revenge of the Sith and appeared in a small part of the film including Padme’s funeral. According to some EU information he was moved to a secure location by the Emperor and then later was back on Coruscant during the end celebration of the various worlds overjoyed at the news of their liberation from the Empire.

There you have it. Jar Jar Binks is the reason for everything bad that happened in the Star Wars movies. He is the real Phantom Menace because he was a CGI character and not actually on screen as an actor. OK, that was stretching it a bit but you have to admit, if Jar Jar was not included the films and the events within them might have turned out better. But wait, there is another…


Stay tuned.

Movies You Watch Over and Over

Once again, EW has taken a crack at creating another list of sorts and once again a miss on the final verdict.

This time around it’s movies that you watch over and over. I don’t know about the rest of you, but by EW saying that you = me then they really don’t know me at all. Granted, I will give them credit for nailing about a third of the list of my personal repeat viewings, they sadly did not encompass a complete listing of the ones I would consider movies I would watch over and over again. Why they chose 17 instead of a round number like 15 or 20 is beyond me.

So, if you want their take, click on the link above. If you want my personal take, and this is not a best of against all others, see below.

First off the six that EW nailed.

The Princess Bride (1987)
Highly quotable and readily available on cable, this is a classic tale of true love. The Fire Swamp, the Pit of Despair, the battle of wits, and what I would give for a holocaust cloak. All these ideas conjures up a true fairy tale world full of giants and pirates and awesome sword play from the guy that brought kick ass light saber duels. Inconceivable, you say about watching it, repeatedly? I don’t think that word means what you think it means. Now watch the damn movie, I mean it. Anybody want a peanut?

Die Hard (1988)
Encore has been running this classic repeatedly over the last month and even though I have the first three on DVD, I must watch it every time I see it on television. I made the bold statement on my Facebook status, recently, that I believed it to be one of the top five all time best action movies, if not number two. In that list I think I put Raiders of the Lost Ark at number one. Regardless of status on any other list, this one agrees with EW that it is highly repeatable. Why? Once again, quotable, perfect premise, and easily accessible. It is timeless because it spawned a gross amount of copycats dubbed the “Die Hard on a blank” films ranging from boats, trains, planes, and even a hockey arena. John McClane is also the everyman who has no problem with speaking his mind during a fight. Go back and watch the fight scene with Alexander Gudunov (RIP) towards the end and you’ll see why McClane is perfect. He literally spouts various things he will do to the bad guy as he is fighting him which just speaks to what we all would be thinking if we were in the same situation. “You mother******, I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna ******' cook you, and I'm gonna ******* eat you!” You can’t argue with that. I couldn't, even at 13, which is how I was when I saw this in the theater. R rated movies weren't policed as much then.

The Goonies (1985)
The map, the restaurant, the water slide, the ship. A classic Saturday afternoon, rainy day, treat of an adventure that pits kids against booby traps and felon family members. Spielberg and Donner brought together all the elements in a nonstop roller coaster ride of fun. Yes, the dialogue is a bit cheesy and the acting is rather bad from some of the kids but you cannot help but take on the voice of Sloth when you eat ice cream or profess your love for someone else. I will say that while it is readily available on cable, stay away from the commercial laden channels and hope to catch this on movie channels because networks like G4 butcher the hell out of it in terms of editing. If you have never seen the movie before you get the worst possible line of continuity of the plot and those of us with the film and dialogue permanently burned in our brain will find it horrible to try and watch, skipping over classic lines in our mind, while we see the film jump completely over scenes of relevance to the story.

Shawshank Redemption (1994)
It might be the story or it might be Morgan Freeman’s voice that makes me continually watch this when it comes on TNT usually once a week. It clocks in at over two hours on television and despite the length, it normally classifies as a repeat viewing as well as a film that should be on a separate list for movies-I-catch-at-the-same-spot-each-time-I-watch-it. The script is so good that you forget that this was written by Master of Horror, Stephen King. Extra Special scenes of note are the rooftop tarring and beer drinking scene, the reveal of how Andy Dufresne beat the warden, and Red getting paroled.

Back To the Future (1985)
Another gem of repeatable viewing, the original conjures up that era of capitalism and 80s nostalgia. We should all wish to magically wake up to a life of inherited wealth with a brand new truck and other material possessions without having to really work for them. And the move perfectly captures the 80s as well as the 50s which makes it a great placeholder for the Reagan years which include Pepsi Free, the Walkman used in Darth Vader from the planet Vulcan persuasion scene, the De Lorean and the Valtera skateboard used by Mary McFly. Admit it, you tried riding a board while hanging onto the bumper of a car. I did, although it was one of those polypropylene banana boards from the 70s. They were akin to roller skates versus in line skates or Rollerblades if you compared the banana board to the more popular models of skateboard. Christopher Lloyd offers up one of the greatest lines ever in “When this baby hits 88 mph, you’re going to see some serious shit,” which is second only to Biff Tannen’s “Hello, McFly?” which is a paraphrase of the actual dialogue spoken in this film.

Clue (1985)
Anyone who grew up with the board game or better yet video games in the 80s knows that adapting a game is really a bad idea. Adapting a board game is nearly impossible. Although, I am still waiting for that buddy flick, Chutes and Ladders, to be greenlit. That being said, Clue gets the job done, masterfully, in a way that could only be attributed to its cast. Martin Mull, Christopher Lloyd, Tim Curry, Michael McKean and Lesley Anne Warren might not be what you consider A list celebrities but in their own right they are comedy royalty. You have one third of Spinal Tap, Frank N. Furter, Father Jim/Doc Brown, and a staple of Mel Brooks movies in Madeline Khan. (RIP) “I hated her... so... much, It–it... the f–, it–flame... flames... flames on the side of my face, breathing, breath... heaving breaths... heaving...” throw in a pop culture cameos from Howard Hessman, Jeffrey Kramer, go-go goofball dominatrix, Jane Wiedlin and Kellye Nakahara-Wallet that only true Pop Culturists will know as Nurse Kellye and that’s all I’m saying because I’m tired of throwing you too many bones. The multiple endings, the adherence to the game’s plot and good god, Colleen Camp gives reason to multiply view the movie.

Now the rest of the list.

Overboard (1987)
One of my wife’s favorite films and a testament to a successful relationship in Hollywood that has outlasted Tom and Nicole, Burt and Lonnie, Meg and Dennis and is only five years short of beating out Tom and Rita. It’s another pure 80s flick as it follows the premise of a secret that keeps to people together as long as that secret doesn’t get out, much like films where a guy dresses up as a girl or vice versa. Here, Kurt Russell takes in amnesiac Goldie Hawn, who in reality is a rich bitch who hired carpenter Kurt to design a shoe closet for her yacht. After she refuses to pay, he plots revenge to make her feel what it means to have nothing when she falls overboard and washes up with no memory. Pretending to be her husband he brings her to the backwoods of the Pacific Northwest and the two end up in love. It’s a cheesy rom-com that actually makes me laugh and I have to watch it whenever it comes on television.

Secret of My Success (1987)
Another testament to the power of Gordon Gekko’s idea that greed is good. Michael J. Fox shows up again in a film about capitalism as he fakes his way into the corporate world as a mythical executive at his uncle’s company. He accidentally beds his aunt (by marriage), falls in love with his uncle’s mistress, and plots to take over the company before his uncle can let it be taken over by Herman Munster, himself, Fred Gwynne. The soundtrack features Who legend and 80s soundtrack God Roger Daltrey as well as David (St. Elmo’s Fire) Foster. And who can forget the use of the Jaws theme in the pool scene or Yello’s Oh Yeah during the late night room romp?

Dazed and Confused (1993)
Before they were BIGGER stars Ben Affleck, Matthew McConaughey, Adam Goldberg, Parker Posey, and Milla Jovovich all take a Slow Ride into the last day of school and into the night for a beer bash. It perfectly encapsulates the mid 70s with the music, the trends, and the fashion. Check ya later! Although toned down on television I find it hard to resist watching Ben Affleck get his comeuppance as O’Bannion the bastard.

Christmas Vacation (1989)
Out of all the “Vacation” movies, next to the original, this has to be the most successful if not funniest. I guess it’s cheating since it airs like clockwork every Christmas but how could I not enjoy repeated viewings of the true to life struggle of Clark W. Griswold to bring his family the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny Effing Kaye? Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol?

The Wedding Singer (1998)
Say what you want about Adam Sandler’s credibility as an actor, but don’t deny that The Wedding Singer was a great rom-com of totally tubular proportions. Once again, capturing the 80s it boasts all the great things to poke fun at including Michael Jackson’s Beat It outfit, Journey’s "Don’t Stop Believin’" done by string orchestra, no less, VCRs, Billy Idol, and Culture Club. Round up Sandler’s usual troop of sidekicks and you got a wonderful trip down repeated viewing lane.

Aliens (1986)
Another awesome flick that finds itself among the Encore movie rotation, Aliens takes the shock and awe from the first film about one huge effing bug and multiplies the bad guy quota and includes a bad girl in the queen. Who hasn’t muttered the line, “Get away from her you bitch!” Hell, even Mrs. Weasley has a Ripley moment in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows as Bellatrix LeStrange goes after her kids. James Cameron ratchets up the sci-fi and the action and gives us one of the coolest fight scenes between a power cargo loader and a queen alien ever filmed…bring the total number to one. This is another of the movies that belongs on the other list of I catch it at the same place every time.

TRON (1982)
Think of the low lit smoky arcades of the early 80s, the college campus pizzerias with their Donkey Kong and Pac Man games surrounded by geeks, the low tech Disney style special effects and you get one of the cult classics of all time. You also get a much anticipated sequel being released in 2010. Way ahead of its time for 1982 computer generated images, TRON used a blend of true CGI that only accounts for about 20 minutes of actual screen time. The backgrounds and landscapes were matte paintings and Moebius inspired artwork and the actors and other sets were filmed in black and white and then rotoscoped to have that neon technological feel. When the movie shows up on cable every once in awhile I feel compelled to veg out and wish for a light cycle for Christmas.

Back To School (1986)
If for no other reason to re-watch this film I say to you two words, William Zabka. Yes, John Lawrence from Karate Kid is the perfect 80s nemesis. So much so, he did it three times. Besides Back To School and Just One of the Guys, Zabka appears in the most respectable Rodney Dangerfield film of all as a rival college swimmer and boyfriend to be reckoned with, yet his bark becomes so much worse than his bite with BTS. However, Dangerfield makes up for it with his portrayal as a self made millionaire who wants to show his son that you need an education more than money in this world…although it helps when you can pay NASA to do your science homework and Kurt Vonnegut to write your English papers on who else but, Kurt Vonnegut. Throw in Oingo Boingo, Sam Kinison, M Emmet Walsh and the Triple Lindy and you have a film worthy of watching hundreds of times.

Forrest Gump (1994)
Tom Hanks took a lot of missteps in his career. The Man With One Red Shoe, The Money Pit and Bonfire of the Vanities are just a small taste of bad films he made…of which I still love two thirds of that selection. But after all those duds, Hanks emerged as a bonafide A-list actor with hits like Big, Philadelphia and of course Forrest Gump. You can argue that the history is a bigger draw than Hanks simple man with a simple mantra, “Life’s like a box of chocolates…” but he does pull off a performance that demands repeat viewings. Spanning close to four decades of U.S. History the film takes Gump from humble beginnings as a child strapped to metal braces all the way to his adult life as a man with an impressive business portfolio and equally impressive son, pre-The Sixth Sense, Haley Joel Osment. The soundtrack is a great slice of Americana and the ability to splice together present day performances with historical footage of events and people makes Forrest Gump a great movie that can be watched again and again.

Good Morning Vietnam (1987)
With only eight films, one of them being Popeye, and a cult television show under his belt, Robin Williams wasn’t known for his movie work as much as his comedy act and loud Hawaiian shirts. But the “based on a true story” turn as Adrian Cronauer, the Vietnam disc jockey who had trouble with authority, gave Williams much needed gravitas to balance the improvisational style that guided him into such films as Dead Poets Society, Mrs. Doubtfire and Good Will Hunting. The radio broadcasts, along with the soundtrack, make for a reason to watch over and over again as well as the attraction of looking into the underbelly of the Vietnam War as a hushed up source of misinformation to keep the public on the side of the Government’s interest in staying in the war.

Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
Once again, you came for the funny and stayed for the family feel from Robin Williams in drag as Euphegenia Doubtfire, the uncanny nanny. Doubtfire is another, “Shh it’s a secret” movie, where the secret identity of Williams’ character sets up the plot and makes for some great comedy as he tries to juggle the ruse along with trying to reunite his broken family. I really should make that separate list because this is another “I always catch it at the same spot” film.

Big Trouble In Little China (1986)
It’s not the greatest movie in the world but it is a classic cult film from John Carpenter. Kurt Russell as Jack Burton adds a side dish of machismo to the main course of Lo Mein in this old world Chinese mythology tale of wizards and curses. The chopsocky fighting scenes are right up there with the 80s Kung Fu exploitation films and Russell’s wit and characterization as a carp out of water in the world of the world beneath the world of China Town gives Carpenter a one two punch on the repeated viewing scale. It’s all in the reflexes.

Halloween (1978)
Besides your annual dose of sugar induced coma from Halloween candy, get your thrills and chills on with the original bogeyman in Michael Myers. John Carpenter provides a simple premise. Jamie Lee Curtis provides the…lungs of a scream queen and Donald Pleasance provides the great misunderstood and not listened to siren of warning against a small town police force who refuse to believe that Michael Myers is on the prowl in Haddonfield. Even though you know who gets killed and how, it’s still a great film to re-watch with the lights off again and again. “You can’t kill the bogeyman.”

Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
It’s a gamble that probably shouldn’t have worked. A Disney film based on an amusement ride about pirates. A Disney film featuring skeletal pirates. A Disney film featuring Johnny Depp as pirate. The obvious connection of those statements is, of course, Disney Film. The underlying one is the whole pirate business. POTC went into the familiar waters of piracy that were screwed up royally by Cutthroat Island and Hook. A Disney movie about pirates looks about as entertaining as a Gilbert and Sullivan opera. Something clicked like the flint of a pistol or lock of a treasure chest. The film tapped into that childhood fantasy of scallywags and treasure chests and life on the open seas so well that no one minded that it was based on a theme park ride. Not too many movies can be so lucky. [read Country Bears and Tower of Tower] Throw into the mix that the studio had trouble buying into Johnny Depp’s Keith Richards Rapscallion combo and the film had all the makings of a huge sinking ship. But it didn’t. It became a huge hit, re launched Depp’s stardom outside of a Tim Burton film and made piracy fun again as long as it wasn’t at the expense of the RIAA. The fact that the film boasts exotic locations, dark themes of undead pirates marauding the Caribbean coast, and a bit of violence not usually found in a Disney film carry the original into two blockbuster sequels, an online game, console games, a revamped amusement ride and third possible sequel means that the original is a force to be reviewed over and over.

Lethal Weapon (1987)
Mel Gibson has made a ton of movies But besides his Mad Max series, one other set of films made him into a household name in the states and that was the Lethal Weapon series. The buddy flick franchise was a huge success launching Gibson’s celebrity cred into the stratosphere. As Martin Riggs, Gibson had that same John McClane quality in that he was a cop that didn’t always play by the rules and was prone to being a little vocal during his fights. The original is still the best and is probably one of the last times you’ll see Gary Busey before he went completely nuts. Repeated viewings are a must for me as I can never get enough “I’m too old for this shit” gruff from Danny Glover and have always wanted to find a reason to say, “Hit em again, Endo!”

Real Genius (1985)
For me, college wasn’t exactly like it was portrayed on film. I didn’t have Val Kilmer for a roommate. There was no weird man living in my closet. I also did not work on some secret government laser project that was a perfect way to cook popcorn. I must have chosen the wrong major. Still, I can’t help but drop the remote every time this film comes on. Resident prick William Atherton brings his Leprechaun looks to Dr. Hathaway and Michelle Meyrink (We miss you on screen) provides just enough quirky weirdness to be kind of hot as Jordan. We are left to admire her modern day replacement in Melanie Lynskey. And even though Val Kilmer was the supposed heart throb moving onto Top Gun and Batman Forever, Gabe Jarret definitely grew out of his geeky phase and became a good looking adult. Though a sequel has been bandied about like a catnip laced toy for us to chew on, nothing takes the place of the original in terms of repeated viewings. It is a moral imperative to watch it over and over.

WarGames (1983)
Those of us who grew up in the stretching shadow of the Cold War and computer technology recognize WarGames as being both highly improbable and scarily plausible. To think how many times we may have came close to nuclear war is unthinkable and probably highly classified. Yet as archaic as the technology is, specifically the phone modem and Joshua’s digitized voice, the elements of tension are still there and Matthew Broderick brings that so-smart-he-could-be-dangerous-if-he-wasn’t-so-impishly-cute-and-innocent persona to screen so well, you want to go ahead and let him accidentally start World War III. Shall we play a game? Sure, repeatedly.

The Lost Boys (1987)
Forget Twilight, everyone wanted to be Kiefer Sutherland’s vampire in the 80s. It’s just so sad that they had to have a Corey based sequel that did a huge disservice to the original. One of the few movies Joel Schumacher didn’t royally bone when he made it, The Lost Boys provides that quintessential 80s blend of bad boys and….alas Coreys. A great soundtrack featuring Foreigner front man Lou Gramm’s “Lost in the Shadows”, INXS’ “Good Times”, and yet again, Roger Daltrey remaking Elton John’s “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me” only serves as great side cars to Gerard McMann’s “Cry Little Sister” with its children’s choir rendition of a pseudo set of commandments done A cappella as Kiefer gets impaled on a set of Grandpa’s antlers.

A Christmas Story (1983)
You cannot compile a list of the movies you could watch over and over and not mention the annual classic, A Christmas Story. Why? Because it gets played for 24 straight hours on Christmas Day. Over the past few years I’ve managed to get a complete viewing in by strategically watching parts through the 24 hour period. Usually, I will make the effort to sit and watch it in its entirety at least once. I do own the DVD but there is something about catching it on television on Christmas that makes it all the more special. Next to A Charlie Brown Christmas and It’s a Wonderful Life (Which regrettably got left off of this list due to a 20 film limit), it is probably one the most repeatedly watched holiday movies abound. If you miss it, you deserve to shoot your eye out.

Honorable mention
Apart from not being able to list It’s a Wonderful Life as a favorite movie I love to watch over and over, I was remiss in including only a single John Hughes Film in this list. That’s because it would have comprised a majority of it had I given into temptation. Let’s just say that his films deserve multiple viewings, multiple quoting, and multiple reverence as a dedication to a man we lost in 2009, though he’d been absent from the scene for years.