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Monday, March 1, 2010

It Only Hurts When It Doesn't: A Mindless Monday Rant

It’s Monday and I really don’t have the attention span to put together a coherent thought. So, instead let’s speak in gibberish.

Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb zeeble zeeeble brrrrrring. Aphalacka-dickery-do I’ve got diarrheabetes how about you? My cow ran away with my top mafia friend and I don’t have enough starbucks to care. Can I get you anything other than a correct answer and how about some desert? This town needs an enema and how about I just sit right down and tell you a tale about the difference between an orange.

Is anybody theeeerrrreeee? Does anybody caaaaaaaare? No, John Adams. Now go back to being dead.

How much snow could an Eskimo grow if he only had to plant one row? It’s crunchy don’t you know.  Give me the chance I could bedazzle your mind with a degree from Exeter I weave the sequined non sequitur.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this game called life. But I’m here to tell you there’s something else the After M*A*S*H. Just remember who runs Barter Town because he can beat you diagonally. Pretty sneaky, sis.

And if I ever plan on being stuck in the middle with you will I see your true colors shining through? It’s on like Donkey Kong and I can tell what you want. I can tell you what you need. That’s a stone cold gibbity flibbit that runs down the street without its legs on right and do you think the rain will hurt the rhubarb overnight?

Take me home tonight because I just want to be on the outside looking in at the man with the tan pants who knows the simple truth, the check is in the mail.

There’s a box In my mind but no way to open it. You can try to pry all that I am from the man named Sam but he won’t tell you anything you haven’t already forgot. This is what we call life in the fast lane because I am the one and only king of pain. Have you seen the rain as it runs down your dreams causing the colors to run into one? Can it be sunny in your dark little hole of a world because I would love to see where you keep your curtains, dear.

Does anyone know where to find the show and how much do tickets walk towards your door with a smile and a “what for?” Are we still playing the game or have you won? Can we settle this with a pricing gun? Call now to secure your spot in the radio show that never sleeps except on the upswing of a gnat’s ding a ling. Oh, why, oh why are you still reading? Can I ask or would it be fleeting to say I can show you a world of pure imagination? Come what may and April Fools’ Day a dollar short and a dog terrific can help you find something specific to that which you most desire and keep all your irons in the fire because I’m not talking about his faults but he does seem to keep himself locked in vaults.

Can you feel the music pulsing in your inner ear? Spiders are the other thing we have to fear. I can’t help myself from getting groovy to the beat of something snoozy. Wait wait don’t tell me that you are surprised that I can find myself excised without a W-2 that’s handy and usually supplied by Fred Grandy.

I think this rant has jumped the shark since I’ve started rhyming I think I’ll quit even though I’m too legit. I don’t want too many in awe as they come to take me away, ha ha. So, if you’ve found yourself Googling some of the stuff contained in my post I wish to rebuff the notion of the motion in your search engine potion you’ll find no substance and only fluff. I can’t take anymore drama but I’d love to snack on the corners of your karma and call you Greg but never Dharma. This is Monday and not CNN and I’ll keep going to you holler when because I am the one who runs in perpetual insanity that finds itself on a treadmill going downhill.

I feel better now. Perhaps tomorrow we’ll try again.

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