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Thursday, March 4, 2010

Black and Gold Digger

He take my money. Well, I'm in need.
Yeah, it's a trifling ball club indeed.
Nutting's a Black and Gold Digger way over time
That digs on me. 
Duke da bomb
Even got Maholm
Can't believe X Nady and Freddie are gone.
Sorry, Kanye, Imma let you finish but.... oh who am I kidding?  Go away.

Ahh, Spring Training. This is the time of year the last few diehard fans of the Pittsburgh Pirates love to see. Their love of the ball club is like Jeff Conaway’s love of pain killers. And they would be just as willing to throw themselves down the stairs of the Clemente Bridge to score some good seats to an afternoon game against Cincinnati Reds minor league team.
Now, last year the Bucs were able to get above .500 for the first time since 2007 but then April ended and so did that winning streak. They finished the season at .385 setting the record for the team with the most consecutive losing seasons in history, surpassing the Phillies record of 16 years. Hey, one more and that baby is legal.

And here’s an interesting statistic. The last time the Pirates had a winning season, which was back in 1992, they had a payroll for the players of $32 million. Guess what their payroll is for 2010… $36 million. Now 17 years ago, with that kind of cheddar they were able to afford Barry Bonds, Andy Van Slyke, Jose Lind, Orlando Merced, jay Bell, Tim Wakefield, and a young Lloyd McClendon. He played for four seasons in Pittsburgh and then managed for four seasons ten years later.

However, this year they have Zach Duke, Paul Maholm, Ryan Domut, and Andy LaRoche to pay so… wait $36 million. Oh, I thought there was a one in front of that number. No, that would have been the Chicago Cubs’ payroll. But with that big fat payroll the Battling Buccos were able to take down Manatee Community College. Take that 13th grade. I guess that pep talk that was given to the team is paying off in spades.

Look, we all know what is going to happen here, so why even get our hopes up. They will show some talent in Spring Training and perhaps win a few games in the Grapefruit League. They’ll come back to Pittsburgh and put on a great show and have some interesting promotions and giveaways. They’ll probably lose the home opener and then suddenly win three in a row and go up over .500. Then April will end and the real Pirates will show up. Yes, we’ll have some good players put on some impressive performances but the pitching staff will ultimately phone it in and by June we’ll be looking to trade our best players for some guy called Toby Named or we will be too busy watching the Penguins go for a fourth Stanley Cup to care. Meanwhile, Bob Nutting will be sitting in his office counting a big fat wad of cash infused by MLB profit sharing and by July. All that talk of dynasty won’t mean a damn thing once fair weather fans start migrating from the North Shore to St. Vincent’s. Soon, we’ll trade the last of our good players and we’ll slump into October as all the cool kids will be hanging out next door at Heinz Field. It’s the equivalent of sharing your birthday with a popular student and all your friends bail on the kick ass slumber party you planned because that kid has a Wii, a PS3, and all you have is an xBox 360.
18 years, 18 years, you've got season tix and they've been losing almost 18 years.

I know somebody payin' Nutting for one of his tix...
This talk of dynasty is ridiculous. The Pirates already have a dynasty. It’s called 17 seasons, soon to be 18, of sucktitude. Instead of “We Will” our slogan should be “We Suck” or “Who Cares?” It’s such a shame when there’s more fan enthusiasm for a group of pierogies running down the first base line than there is when a Pirate breaks the outfield with a hard line drive and the go ahead run is trying to score. Bob Nutting doesn’t seem to realize that we all know he’s a crook. The team is profitable whether or not we win any games. You have a built in base from season ticket holders and then the highest performing teams give money to the lowest performing teams. Unfortunately, that money doesn’t always go to improving the club with better players. It probably goes to paying for snow making machines up at Seven Springs… and this year they can redirect that money back into Nutting’s pocket because of all that damn snow we got .

Look no amount of Facebook groups, petitions, public outcry, or collective holding of breaths is going to change what is happening. Nutting would be a fool to sell the team because he hasn’t quite reached that level of diminishing returns yet. It’s a profitable ball club that sucks but pays. Mario Lemieux and Mark Cuban are not going to step and help out. We have a better shot of selling to another market and being moved but the price won’t be right. So just sit back and watch the suckfest as it nears its 18th season and curse Barry Bonds and Sid Bream all you want. Welcome to Pittsburgh, Three Rivers and one drain called PNC Park. “We Will Indeed”


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