Traveller's Tales 2013: Why We Do What We Do

Another year and another trip to the Outer Banks has come and gone.  

As part of my YouTube experiment, I planned on doing some vlogging for the trip, but part of me shied away from it.  Mainly, because I’m not comfortable putting my big ole ugly mug up on YouTube.  It’s bad enough you get to hear my voice.  But, also, it’s still not something I am doing around people.  I get a little self conscious around my family doing YouTube stuff.  I usually slink down into the man cave/office to do my recording because I fear the eyerolls from my wife as I do or say something goofy.   Being around 10 other people on vacation and trying to record stuff made it 10 times more embarrassing.  So, I did some quick stuff and hope to put enough together to pull it off.

That being said, I thought about my usual, post vacation, entry and came up with blanks.   I’ve already done the whole travelogue about planning and what to do when you go to the Outer Banks.   But, I never really gave the reasons for why we do what we do.  Why do we go on vacation to the Outer Banks?  Why do we go to the four wheel drive section?  Why do we do any of this?  It can be a real pain in the ass.    This set the tone for my post.

Why do we go on vacation?

Let’s face it.  The economy is what it is and money is always tight.  If it wasn’t for the merch money (shirts), I couldn’t do it.  A real helper has been the inclusion of one of my mug designs in Facebook gifts.  That boosted my profit levels to better than average summer numbers. 

Still, we usually end up spending at least $1000 on our share of a beach house.  Then there’s gas and travel money.   We spend a good deal at the grocery store for our supplies (this year’s total was around $800 for the week).  And lastly, we do the tourist trap stuff buying OBX branded stuff.  So, why spend all that money?

Well, because we are helping the economy.   That’s the bullshit answer, but it’s true.   We, the middle class, are the ones stimulating the economy.    The gas we buy, the tolls we pay, the food we eat, the rent we pay all goes towards companies that employ other middle class workers.   And when you think about it, we outnumber the higher classes.  More people means more money being pumped into the economy.  

In the end, we need the time off, from life.   Yeah, the world doesn’t go away when you do, but recharging the batteries is essential to not wanting to climb a tower with a high powered rifle.    Work is still there, more bills show up, but the memories you make on vacation are eternal and priceless.

Why do we go to the Outer Banks?

Believe me, I had the history of not ever wanting to go back to the OBX, but the good has outweighed the bad over time.   I’ve been to the city.  I’ve been to the mountains.  I’ve been to various beaches, but nothing compares to the awesomeness of raw, in your face, nature.   And, it doesn’t hurt that you’re in a beach house, ocean front.    I know that sounds a bit of a hypocrisy, but I like having the creature comforts while battling all the OBX has to offer.

Where else can you go for this much adventure?  Mother Nature actually gave the finger to the Hatteras Light, forcing them to move it further down the beach.   The ocean can be rough, but the four wheel drive section is unadulterated.  No paved roads, no commercial areas, just houses and nature and woods and beach.

Yeah, it’s a 12 hour drive but we’ve almost got it down to a science.   Coming from Pittsburgh, we’ve found ways to avoid the worst parts, like the Beltway around D.C. or the cluster that is I-95 and I-64 around Richmond and Norfolk, Virginia.   We’ve have our departure time nearly optimized to avoid the bulk of the traffic.   We leave home around 1:30 AM, get everything we need, and are ready to arrive right around 4:00 PM.   At the end of the week, we leave around 9:00 AM, avoiding a lot of the departing traffic that backs up Route 12, and 158 across the bridge.

Why the four wheel drive section?

It would be easier on us to stay in Corolla or even Nagshead, I guess.  We don’t have to travel the whole way up Route 12, stuck behind yahoos who can’t figure out where they are going.   We could avoid having to deflate our tires in order to drive onto the beach.  We could avoid getting stuck and the obligatory half hour to forty-five minute drive we face once we get out onto the beach at the end of Route 12.   We could easily stay down in the Southern Shores or somewhere else with paved roads.  We could avoid mandatory evacuation worries in the case of storms, like Tropical Storm Andrea, this past week.  Granted, we were never in any danger, but the surf did get high.  We could go to the store or out to dinner anytime we wanted.

However,  you have to walk to the beach, carrying everything you need.   You have to find a place to park, usually far from a point of entry.  You have houses right up against you.  You don’t get share your property with the beautiful wild mustangs and foxes and deer that live in the four wheel drive section.   You don’t get to drive your vehicle onto the beach and take in the view of the ocean, right outside your window.  You don’t get to pack a cooler and a chair, hop in your 4X4, drive right out to the beach, and just relax with hardly anyone around you for hundreds of feet. 

OH…That’s why!

The names have changed.  Some, gone forever.  We miss those who can’t be with us,  but with each year, something new happens and it makes for a great story.  There are new quotes we get from each other and our kids.  There are photos that just don’t happen anywhere else.    To sit and listen to the sound of the surf.  To feel your heart beat in time with the waves.  To wake up and see the sunrise off the deck of your house while drinking a cup of coffee in the morning is just enough to make me do it each year.

WUMF: May 2013 Edition

STOP THE PRESSES!  He has a WUMF out on time!

Yes, don’t let it fool you.  I’ll be back to my lazy, procrastinating ways in a month.  But, for now, enjoy this WUMF on time.

YouTube Report

OK, so it’s been about four months since I began the YouTube thing and it’s still very much a work in progress.   I can, however, report that I have finally seen some positive analytics.   I AM ON MY WAY TO MAKING $0.28!!!!!!  

I have only Dead Island Riptide’s lag to thank for that.     I bought and played the original on PS3, but thought it would be a great way to get some views by playing the new one on PC and recording it.   Well, I was wrong.   FRAPS and DI:R are not a good mix for smooth FPS.  The video lagged so bad I thought I was in a reject bullet time sequence from a Bollywood version of the Matrix.

Instead of putting up a playthrough of me whacking zombies with household objects, I put up an angry rant at how bad the lag was and it has been one of the most viewed videos out of my entire collection.  So, I shifted  my focus away from straight playing and onto stuff like tips for recording old school games.   I put out a couple of one off videos of me playing with no dialogue and only music.   It harkened back to my days as a videographer in high school, when I would put together music videos, finding the right music to match the montage.   It felt familiar and fun again.

But, I just don’t have the time to do all that.  So, I continue to play games, but I am trying to spotlight more indie games than big name companies.   Helping out the little guy seems to be a good way to gain karma in the online world.   So, I’ll keep doing a regular mix of big name and little name gameplay videos.

OBX Fire Safety Week

I just want to remind you all that next week is mandatory Fire Safety Training in the OBX.  For those of you unsure of what that means.  Here you go.   And then, the cops showed up...

Seeing as how I now have a YouTube channel, maybe I’ll do a vlog this year.  Maybe.  No one wants to see the big ugly mug in 1080 HD, I’m sure.

Stanley Cup Playoffs.

Let’s Go Pens.  That is all.

Facebook

People.  Please.  For the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, stop believing everything you read on Facebook.   No one will share their mythical Powerball winnings with you.    That picture won’t do something spectacular if you share or like it.   All your good deeds, here on Earth, will not be negated by scrolling past that picture of Jesus.  Just stop.  STOP!

Travellers Tales 2012: Round Up

Another vacation has come and gone. We got lost in the mountains of West Virginia, we set the grill on fire, we had the police show up, we drove through the ocean, we met Legally Blind Luke, we laughed hard, we ate good, we enjoyed company, and we said our goodbyes. It seemed this year went by faster than the rest. In the end, we all hated to leave, but were glad to be home.

Well, not without one last assassination attempt from Siri, formerly known as Matilda. This time, we decided to just follow our directions in reverse and skip the GPS. However, when we got to Route 17 in Virginia, Siri also told us to get off of 95. We couldn’t believe it. Siri didn’t want us to go towards the beltway in DC?

Since we hadn’t gone this way before, I decided to get gas as soon as we jumped off the interstate. When I returned to driving, Siri told me to head back to 95. This GPS that had just told me to get off 95 and onto 17 was now telling me to go back the way I just came and get back on 95. Well, after thinking I was wrong and doing a turnabout at a light and heading back towards 95, I said, “Shut up, Siri.” I then turned around and we went on our way. That was the last we dealt with Siri on this trip.

In closing, I want to offer up a few tips we learned this year. Nothing huge, but if you are planning to go to the OBX and want to know how to avoid the pitfalls, here’s what I can tell you.

• Depending on your ice and cooler situation, I highly suggest hitting the Food Lion right after the bridge on 158. It’s less crowded and you’ll save time on getting to your final destination.
• Make friends with the local police and fire department.
• If you’re staying in the 4x4 section, pay close attention to the tide chart. Make sure you know when high tide is coming if you decide to take an extended leave from your house.
• Not all shuffling people at the shoreline are zombies.
• There is a fine for having stuff like chairs, sand toys, sand structures sitting in the way of traffic on the beach and it’s a $50 fine per item.
• Only use your GPS if you get lost.
• Wear loose pants when heading to Captain George’s buffet.
• Don’t forget sunscreen.

Travellers Tales 2012: Zombie Moon Shine Serenade

After surviving the high tide-near wash out of a drive home, we decided to relax on the deck with some drinks. I managed to empty a bottle of our Apple Pie “hooch” and even created a deadly concoction… well, to my arteries. I mixed the shine with some French Vanilla coffee creamer, effectively making Apple Pie a la Mode. It was very tasty.

As the darkness fell across the beach and the full moon began to rise we saw the waters subside, uncovering the beach road, which allowed traffic to flow once again. Though, they usually caution against travelling on the beach at night. The sunken forest of petrified stumps that dot the landscape could wreak havoc on the axles of your truck, I’m told.

Drink after drink we consumed to calm the nerves of our ordeal with just getting home for the night led to conversation about the latest events we had heard on the news. In Miami, there was a “zombie” incident, in which a man, high on bath salts, disrobed and proceeded to chew the face of another man. What? Yes, this has become a big story, apparently. In our seclusion up among the wild horses and men who live in houses with baby doll heads on posts… still trying to get that picture… we were somewhat shaded from current events, strange or otherwise. Armed with an Internet connection I had found that another incident had occurred. Once again, a man, high on bath salts pretended to act like a zombie after being arrested.

So, we talked into the night about the ramifications of a possible zombie apocalypse. I thought back to reading The Zombie Survival Guide and thought that, in the event, we might be in pretty decent shape up here. Zombies aren’t the best of walkers, so the sand would give us a chance at escape. Not to mention, the isolation of being in this area wouldn’t attract their attention as much as being in the hustle and bustle of the lower, commercial areas. We have Internet and satellite television, so if the word came, we could make a trip down to the stores to get what supplies we needed to make a long term stand. And, we had a pool, which makes for waiting out the apocalypse a little more enjoyable.

Although, I could imagine the following scenario:

“MARCO!”

“BRAAAINS!”

The more we drank, the funnier the conversation became. Soon, we noticed something down at the water line. It looked like a person but they were just wandering back and forth along the water. They didn’t seem to sure footed as the shuffled up the beach a few feet, then back down a few more feet. In our drunken state, we started to get a little loud and bolder with our comments. Cracking jokes at the expense of a silhouette in the distance.

“Maybe he’s drunk.”

“Maybe he’s lost.”

“Maybe he’s a zombie!”

Soon, we started rolling with the idea and eventually, one of our more adventurous, and inebriated of the group decided to walk down to see which this person was. We watched as he walked down the walkway and onto the beach, disappearing from sight. A few seconds later we caught sight of him in the moonlight walking along the dunes to a set of benches right by the ramp up from the beach. We laughed as he just took it upon himself to sit on the bench and blend into the scenery. Then… it happened.

The shape turned and moved its way up to the bench. Then it disappeared. Then nothing. No sound could be heard except for the surf. The dunes blocked our view of the scene. Minutes went by with no word, no movement, no sounds.

What if it IS a zombie? What if our guy is a midnight snack? Our missing member of the group, now gone from view for more than five minutes elicited a few four letter words from his drunk wife, my sister-in-law. She made it a plan to go after him and kick his ass for being gone so long. I looked at my wife and said, “Should I go?” She nodded and I went with her.

As we walked along the deck and down to the beach, my mind raced with the possibilities. “I have no weapons. If this is a zombie, what am I going to do? What if our guy is now one, too?” As we trudged up the beach to the benches, my sister-in-law began yelling for her husband. He then let out a scream. For a brief moment, I panicked. Then, his flashlight began bouncing around playfully and we knew all was well.

“Hey, this here is Luke. He’s legally blind. He’s just waiting for his sister and his girlfriend to arrive.”

How’s he going to know it’s them? Anyway, turns out, he was standing down at the water, just playing his guitar and wandering around, while waiting for his group to arrive. They were from New York. They were staying a few houses back. They weren’t the ones who called the cops on us. They weren’t zombies. We sat and chatted for a few minutes and I contemplated running up to the house screaming of zombies but I was too tired and had too much to drink to navigate the steps while running. I finally heard my wife calling from back at the house and gave them the all clear with the flashlight.

Eventually, all was well and all of our group was back in the house ready for some shut eye after a wonderful, wild, wet evening. Hopefully, Legally Blind Luke managed to see his sister’s truck and make it back to his house before the zombies made their way up the beach.

Travellers Tales 2012: Where the Rubber Meets the Surf

We got lost. We had most of Currituck County Emergency Services show up for a BBQ. And now, in a further effort to get the Coast Guard to show up on our beach trip, we decided to tempt fate and go out to dinner after Coastal Flooding warnings were issued.

Usually, we choose to go out for dinner one night of the week, while staying in the four wheel drive section. It’s an opportunity to gorge ourselves on the awesomeness that is Captain George’s of Kill Devil Hills. It’s also an opportunity to stock up on any dwindling supplies we have at the house; like beer, or fire extinguishers, or… beer.

However, due to some inclement weather on Monday, namely rain, and cooler temperatures on Tuesday, we decided to go a day early and spend more of the day in the paved areas. Now, I had already looked at the tide chart for Wednesday, our usual travel day. It had high tide at around 9:57 PM. I did not pay attention to Tuesday’s chart.  I guessed it was somewhere around 9:00 PM. Since the weather wasn’t nice enough to get in the water at the beach and the air around the pool was in the 70s, we decided to leave extra early, for a 5:00 seating time.

Driving down the beach during low tide is usually nice. There are plenty of flat surfaces; packed down pretty good. There is lots of room to drive with no fear of having to play chicken with the jacked up late 80s model Ford truck belonging to the guy that lives back in the woods with baby doll heads up on posts. (True story. We have pictures somewhere.) Basically, driving is great, going down the beach.

And after a fulfilling meal of four pairs of crab legs, shrimp, pasta, hush puppies, carrot cake, and flan, you find yourself not wanting to make a concerted effort to get your ass back up the beach. Still, since we left early, it was only 7:45 PM. We still needed to go to the Food Lion in Corolla, which takes forever, so we tried our best hustle/waddle through the store.

Some of our group went on ahead and called to warn us that the tide had showed up a little early. Apparently, Coastal Flooding warnings increase the tide’s reach, even when high tide is still an hour away. That, or high tide is the highest the tide will be and the hour previous to that is just slightly lower and is still a bitch.

So, we headed back up the beach and where we usually turn off the road to enter the beach, we entered water. It was indeed high. Now, it’s not too bad if you are the only one driving on the beach at high tide. However, it seems that a lot of other people had not looked at the tide chart or heeded the warnings and were making a hasty retreat to the paved road. We had to squeeze by a couple of tour groups on the way back.

Then, we met the worst obstacle on the beach, The Laughing Gull. The Laughing Gull mocks you at high tide. Basically, the Laughing Gull is this pre-Clinton Administration house that sits out into the beach about miles up. The supports literally sit in the water at high tide. You cannot drive around them without a jacked up late 80s model Ford truck belonging to the guy that lives back in the woods with baby doll heads up on posts. So, you have to go around on the interior roads.

Now, even though the beach road can be rough during high tide, the back roads are worse after it rained the day before. I think a soccer mom in her SUV got lost in one of the puddles. We kept having to go so long, and then turn around and come back.  Finally, we came back down onto the beach at around the 18 mile mark and went another mile and a half to 19.5 where we knew we had a straight shot right back to our house.

We made it home just before dark and my wife could unclench her pucker.

So, for all you travellers who plan to take on the foul wheel drive section.  Remember, check the tide charts before you head out, a puddle may be deeper than you think, and that guy shuffling back and forth along the water line after dark may or may not be a zombie...

Stay tuned for the answer to that.

Travellers Tales 2012: And Then The Cops Showed Up

I’d like to think that I am a competent griller. That, when presented the task of cooking up some animal I am capable of producing a good product. Granted, I do not grill like most people. I usually put foil down to keep the juices from leaving the surface. That and when visiting rental houses on vacation, I have no idea what has been on that grill, so I’m not too keen on grilling directly on the grill plates. It’s kind of like using a toilet seat cover in a public restroom.

That being said, all good vacation stories should include the phrase, “And then the cops showed up.”

On Sunday, I took turns making dinner and grilled up 15 steaks. We had 13 people at the house, three of which were under the age of seven. Still, we could make those leftovers disappear on Friday, which is “mustgo” night.

So, of course, I put down foil on the grill and cooked up the steaks with ease. There were two gas grills on the upper deck of the house, right off of the kitchen. It was a little odd to have the grills on a deck, let alone on the top floor. Worse yet, the wind whipped against that side of the house, making it hard to keep the grills lit. Halfway through, one of the propane tanks kicked, forcing me to finish up with all of the steaks on one grill.

nom... nom... nom... nom...

There was a spare tank that appeared to be almost empty, but we tried to hook it up and all it did was hiss gas. So, I called the realty company and asked about it. They sent a guy out, Monday afternoon, with a spare tank. He looked like a typical local; older gentleman, long blonde hair with a handle bar mustache. Somewhat of a cross between Nick Nolte and Hulk Hogan. He confirmed that it looked like a bad regulator on the other grill.

Now, on Monday night, my buddy decided to cook up hamburgers and hot dogs. He made his own patties with ground meat they had brought down from home. He made these huge patties with thumbprints in them. They were sort of falling apart. Perhaps they were too thawed or the 80/20 split on the fat percentage was too much leaving them a bit greasy. Still, they were patty shape and he threw them on the grill, sans foil.

He had various issues with grilling. The patties began crumbling and in flipping them, the bottoms of the burger seemed to peel off and leave a slice of meat stuck to, and in between, the grill surfaces. Large chunks of greasy, uncooked meat began falling down into the grill box. In all, the burgers came out OK and tasted pretty good. But when it came time to grill up the hot dogs, I suggested putting foil down, just in case.

After throwing the dogs on the grill we went back in to wash our hands and refresh our beverages. That’s when someone noticed black smoke floating passed the kitchen window. I then started repeating the word, “Grill. Grill! GRILL!”

We walked back out onto the deck and black smoke was oozing out of the grill. I opened it and it all went out like the Smoke Monster on LOST. The dogs were a little black from all the smoke, but more importantly, the greasy meat on the burners had ignited.

I reached down and turned off the burners. Then, I reached down and turned off the gas. Next, against my better judgment, I let my buddy pour water into the box on the various hot spots. Fire was out. Dogs were burnt… on the outside… and then the cops showed up.

Whoops



Well, that’s not exactly true. They drove past. Then, they drove back towards the beach. Then they drove back up the road and did a three point turn. I wondered what the hell they were doing. I then realized we were the house that was called about. It was about the time I said, “They aren’t coming here are they?” Apparently, our neighbors across the street felt we were going to set the entire house on fire because of a little grill fire. I then went inside and informed everyone that I was going down to talk to the cops. Hide the moonshine… (It wasn’t really shine. It was more like wine. Actually, I’m not sure what it was because it froze in the freezer.) In any case, I didn’t feel like spending a night in a North Carolina holding cell with illegal hooch. I told everyone to be on their best behavior.

I walked outside and met the officer who asked if we were grilling. I said, “yes” and said that the fire was out and all was well. She asked if they could come in and look to be sure. She said they’ve had one too many houses burn down because of this kind of thing. I obliged and her and an older gentleman entered.

She asked if the grills had been moved. I said they were like that when we arrived and that I was unhappy about the location. They checked out the place and all looked good. As we stood on the deck overlooking the driveway, about six more vehicles showed up including an ambulance, another truck with a dog in the cab, and a couple more police cruisers.

I don't know if the dog drove but he came along on the call.

I asked, rhetorically, if all of those vehicles were for this call. The office said that they were and that more were on the way.

“I don’t have that much food to go around.”

She laughed and they went back down. About this time, the entire house was cracking jokes and pointing fingers at me and my buddy. The proverbial icing on the cake came as the last vehicle pulled up to the house. It was a fire truck and who should jump out but PROPANE MAN!

Unreal. The guy that was there two hours ago to drop off a propane tank was now pulling up to our house in a fire truck. I can only imagine what was going on in his mind. “OK. Another fire call. Here we go! Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, dear God, no! I just… OK, be cool. Maybe nobody will notice.”

They pretended to put handcuffs on him. Somebody noticed. So, I went down to jag him as well. “I swear to God we didn’t do it!” I yelled. His response, “I told you not to use that f**ing grill!”

Putting Propane Man in Cuffs

In all, the fact that we managed to get the majority of Currituck County Emergency Services to show up on our doorstep was enough to make this trip memorable.

I was hoping to have the Coast Guard show up by Friday.

Next up… make sure you check those tidal charts before you go out for dinner.

Travellers Tales 2012: The Adventure Continues

There are probably some of you out there wondering why I keep going back to the Outer Banks every year.  "Oh, how boring." You must think.  And in most cases you could be right.   We aren't a very adventurous bunch.  We pack up the Jeep, drive the same route every year, stay in the four wheel drive section, sit on the beach, eat too much, and then come home.  Well, tough shit.  That's my idea of a relaxing vacation.  However, this year proved to be the exception and I will spend the next few posts giving you the play by play.

First off, the trip down.

"Boring!"

Not necessarily.  I decided... well, it was decided for me, that we would try to avoid the DC Beltway at all costs.   Last year, Matilda, our self named GPS in the Commander tried to kill us by telling us to take an immediate right into the Jersey barrier on the Beltway.   So, I took some advice from a coworker who avoids the Beltway by going through Berkley Springs, WV.  It took some doing, but I managed to get Google to calculate my route through Breezewood and around the Beltway.  I had to add Berkley Springs as a destination in order to get it to correctly route around DC.

My father-in-law drove to Breezewood and then I took over for the next leg.  We came down through Berkley Springs and my wife read off the directions.  Since Matilda started yelling at us to get back on 70, we shut her off.   What did she know?  She tried to kill us last year.  Unfortunately, so my wife tried to do it to us, this year.

She made a slight miscalculation that led us on a wild and wonderful tour of the back roads of West Virginia.  While on 522, she misread a turn that said take route 9 and stay on it for 137 miles.  What she didn't realize was that the trip up to that point was  137 miles and that the added destination of Berkley Springs causes the trip to total up mileage to that point.  So, we stayed on 9 headed towards Paw Paw. 

For the next hour we drove around bends, up hills, around deer, and through the dark, listening for banjos.  At one point a sign with the speed limit posted at 55 mph was sitting about ten feet in front of a sign for a sharp turn.  "Are these people nuts?"   After realizing we were headed West and probably not far from Kentucky, we turned Matilda back on and started calling her Siri.  She seemed to agree with that and started leading us out of the wilderness onto route 522.

We used the printed directions sparingly and followed Siri's lead all the way to the Outer Banks.  No tractor trailers on fire causing another hour delay, no broke down cars causing a twenty minute delay.  From then on, it was smooth sailing.

Next up; why all good vacation stories should include the phrase, "And then the cops showed up".

GPS Doesn't Know You Always Head Towards Tyson's Corner

In the last ten years I have travelled I-95 around 20 times. From 2001 to present I have travelled to Myrtle Beach, The Outer Banks and Virginia Beach, all using the beltway around DC as part of my route.

Some people go to great lengths to avoid it. Others, like me, have no trouble maneuvering through six lanes of traffic while being boxed in on all sides by idiot drivers. My wife’s butt puckers at the thought of even getting near it. We coordinate driving so that I am always the one who gets behind the wheel before the beltway. Although, there was that one time I screwed up and she ended up driving; white knuckling it the whole way. That nearly ended our relationship.

Regardless of my experience, I deferred navigational expertise to a computer and let the NAV system in my father-in-law’s JEEP Commander guide us. Matilda, as my wife called it, had been pretty accurate the entire trip. She did become a little fussy when we would make stops that caused us to go off the calculated route and then took her sweet time remapping while I would tie up traffic waiting for her. However, on the return trip, Matilda made an error and tried to kill us, HAL style.

When entering the beltway, from I-95 S and heading towards I-95 N, it has always been my practice to head towards Tyson’s Corner. I know this because the one time I argued with my wife, on which way to go, and did not go towards Tyson’s Corner we ended up going the long way around the beltway.

From that point on, we always head towards Tyson’s Corner. When Matilda advised against that I became a little argumentative with her over her navigational skills. My wife sided with Matilda and I braced for “I told you so” impact.

As we headed on the route provided to us by Matilda, my wife counted down the feet until our next turn. I watched the screen and waited in fear as I knew this would all end in chaos. There was no turn and Matilda jumped off of the highlighted route to a spot further ahead.

This is pretty much what I had in my head as Matilda went rogue on us.

Apparently, all of the construction that has been taken place around the beltway has changed the landscape of the roads which may not have been updated in the NAV system at the time my father-in-law bought the JEEP. In any case, Matilda led us astray and as I tried to correct my course and get on the right road, going towards Tyson’s Corner I found myself embedded in all kinds of construction and traffic I don’t remember seeing last year. Matilda kept calling out, “Follow signs for I-495”, which we were already on at the time.

Eventually, I saw buildings that I recognized and made it back to the right route. Still, I was leery in trusting Matilda after that incident. During our attempts to get back on track we nearly stomped a Honda Fit that tried to occupy the same space as us. Meanwhile, my sister-in-law and her husband were behind us about to slam into us as they were nearly slammed into by another vehicle. A cry of, “I don’t want to be the meat in this sandwich” came over the hand held walkie talkies we used to communicate back and forth.

You always head towards Tyson’s Corner. Hear that Matilda?
Oh and you don’t back up on the beltway shoulder. They don’t like it when you do that. Just go to the next exit. But that is another story.

Smoke On the Water

Dare County, North Carolina has been suffering through a wild fire that has affected the coastal areas of the Outer Banks as well.  Officials say they have the blaze around 75% contained but heavy smoke and the smell of burning wood is evident in places like Kitty Hawk and Kill Devil Hills.

Stumpy Point, NC is about 30 miles from Nags Head, NC, across the Croatan Sound, but the winds can shift causing the smoke to envelope the Wright Brothers' Memorial in a thick and ashy cloud of haze.  

A server at Captain George's Restaurant said that the winds shift often leaving the skies clear and then they can cloud back up again at the drop of a hat.

Being in the 4x4 section has saved us from the smoke and respiratory issues facing some of the vacationers in the Southern Shores and Nags Head area.  That would pretty much suck to come all this way and have it be smokey. 

I'll be back with more tales of the beach including what it takes to go into the 4x4 section.  It's really been fun.

Bittersweet Nights In Corolla Light

In case you were wondering where I was last week, and I’m sure you pulled out all the stops looking for me like I was Abby Sunderland, take comfort in knowing that I was on vacation. Perhaps you’re not taking comfort and instead are taking out a hit on me for flaunting that I was able to do such a thing. In either case, I’m back and semi ready to resume boring you to death with useless stories. However, among these trite posts hides little nuggets of wisdom like corn in your… never mind.

So, once again, I travelled to the Outer Banks for a much needed yet hardly attainable vacation. If you recall my lengthy diatribe last year, Nights In South Rodanthe, you’ll probably want to skip to the end or go back the way you came. Yet, I will try to minimize the muck and show some brevity of dimwit. Yeah, right.

The trip this year was bittersweet.  Last year's trip to Avon marked the first vacation my in laws had ever really taken.  It was also the first time my mother-in-law had seen the ocean in real life.  Sadly, it was also the last time.  I've mentioned it before but the last night we were there, the two of us finished off the last of the frozen custard we bought at a place in Buxton.  We sort of bonded over a bowl of some of the best I'd ever had.   I asked her if she had a good time and she said she did. I asked her if she understood why people did all this work for a week’s worth of beach time and she said, “No.” I laughed and agreed with her.  I don’t know why either.  I still haven't talked much about her dying and I'm not really ready to do that post.  As it was, we were finalizing plans for this year's trip at the end of March and she died the week after Easter.   She was looking forward to going back and really liked the house we picked.    I was looking forward to getting another quart of custard and shooting the breeze again.  I didn't have any this year and that seems right to me.  if you knew me, you'd be apalled at my missing out on such a great treat.  Maybe next year.

SOUNDS FAR FROM PERFECT
Instead of staying in Avon, this year, we headed North to Corolla, again. I say again because I stayed there in 2005 during Hurricane Ophelia. Ironic in that the storm was named after a character who drowned. Nice. Anyway, After dealing with some company in 2005, that I cannot recall at the moment, and having issues with Sun Realty, last year concerning the pool heat and them calling me a liar and trying to keep my money, I decided to go with a different outfit called Outer Banks Blue. I had a few places in mind with different companies including Sun Realty because we really liked the house we had last year in Avon, even with all the issues. Unfortunately, the new owners of the house put in minimal updates and raised the rental price $1000 for the same week as we had last year. Regardless, I kept a few properties on the back burner and played them against each other in the pricing game.

The one nice thing about Outer Banks Blue was that they gave you the final cost upfront and the house we were looking at was in the Corolla Light Town Center section with access to the various amenities such as free beach parking, use of the pools, playgrounds, and basketball and tennis courts as well as a shuttle that could take us to and from the beach. The bad thing was that they did not check their listing very well against the house. Granted, it wasn’t the end of the world in terms of inaccuracies on their part but it did end up influencing my vote on which house to go with in the end. Still, even after I brought it to their attention they neglected to fix the listing. Here is the listing for the house. In case they do finally fix it, here is a screenshot of what the listing said when I booked the house, rented the house, lived in the house, and wrote this post the week after I left the house.

Like I said, a minor inconvenience for most people. But when I could have had an awesome house on a golf course or a place we called the Taj Mahal for the same price with wireless access, it makes me a little miffed. Since, I like to keep up with the important things like, you know, my email, shirt shops, [muffled voice] mafia and farm [/muffled voice], it’s nice to be able to get up and make the little one some breakfast and surf the web while she watches Dino Train or Sid the Science Kid in the same room. When I have to go to a whole other floor to be jacked into a three foot cable just to get a connection it becomes counterproductive.

I knew within minutes that there was no router but acted ignorant of the fact when I called the office. I asked how I went about making the wifi work. She said she wasn’t sure but would send someone out to check on it. When the guy arrived he said there was no wireless and called back to the office. Now, you can always tell when someone is going to try and pull one over on you. I learned that from the experience with the pool heater last year. When this guy first mentioned to the other person on the phone that he was at the house that used to belong to Village and that I was standing right there, the plan fell apart. I had already heard enough to figure out what happened. I had also found a journal left by the owners giving basic instructions and tips along with guest comments and all mentioned Village Realty. I put it all together and when he got off the phone, I said to the guy, “Let me guess. Outer Banks Blue acquired this property from Village Realty and just copied and pasted the listing, not bothering to check if they had kept the router?” He sheepishly looked at me and said, “Yep.”

He told me to contact the manager and discuss it. Frankly, I was tired of fighting with people for stupid stuff. It wasn’t the end of the world and figured, “OK, no wireless. Business will have to wait until I can get time. I’m on vacation for crissakes!” Instead of fighting for refunds or principles, I’ll just vote with my wallet and go somewhere else… and blog the whole experience so that other consumers can be sure to check on these things before they rent houses. I’m still a prick, first and foremost, I’ve just decided to use other methods to deal with issues. After working for almost ten years in a customer service capacity, I’ve learned that losing a customer can be more expensive that properly dealing with an issue. If it were my company, I would have taken the opportunity to reach out to the customer, proactively, and offered an apology and even made a deal to offer them some kind of discount, whether it be a gift card to the local grocery stores or a discount on a repeat stay the next summer. But then again, that’s why I am not in charge of anything.

EATING OUT
My sister-in-law decided to stay in the 4X4 section in Carova. It’s a bit hairy getting up there but pretty awesome to drive out onto the beach and see wild horses. Although, the bugs are pretty big and I think I saw one of them carrying a small child away. You also have to plan your schedule around the tides and nightfall. This can play havoc for you if you like to eat out or visit with the rest of your group who decided to minivan it in the paved sections of the OBX. For us, we managed to get out a total of four times for dinner.

Fat Crabs Rib Company, Corolla, NC
For a little joint in the shopping plaza next to Corolla Light I was impressed. It’s kind of like picnic table and chair fair with cold cases set up for grabbing a drink out of at your table. I had the pulled pork sandwich and it was pretty darn good. My father-in-law had the crab and was impressed. The hush puppies were pretty damn good to. I give the place three out of five stars for food quality.

Jimmy’s Seafood Buffet, Kitty Hawk, NC
I can remember the Bonfire restaurant in Ocean City, MD as being my first taste of seafood buffet indulgence. I went there with a couple of friends and we spent three hours just eating. I think we may have taken a power nap in between trips to the buffet. At the end of the meal we probably had 20 or so plates stacked on the table. My one friend then defiled the experience by getting drunk and throwing up in the middle of the night. “$20 worth of prime rib, down the toilet” was the quote the next day. That was 1995, I believe. $20 for all you care to eat prime rib, crab legs, seafood, pasta, desert, etc. 15 years later, I still remembered that quote as I got my bill from Jimmy’s. $28.95 for the buffet. On that buffet, ten types of crab legs, seafood of different kinds, pasta, meats, and desert.

However, compared to other places, I was a bit disappointed. I had heard of some bad reviews online but was willing to give it the benefit of the doubt. First off, expect a wait. It is the big name buffet in the OBX. However, to pass the time with the impatient kiddies, there are free pony rides out back. Once we got in, we were cramped into a nook near the bar that had a five foot high wall separating us from the main flow of traffic. Together with two tables, placed perpendicular to us at the front of the nook, we felt a bit trapped. It took some tactical planning to effectively make trips to the buffet and not have to make everyone move for you to get back into the corner. For as big and as busy as this place was I would have expected bigger bathrooms, but unfortunately, they were one man bands.

The food was pretty decent. I ate a ton of food and at least four sets of crab legs. I stuck to the Alaskan but if I ever go back will try the big spiny ones as well. I was eyeing up the Russian, King, and Dungeness as I picked up a second helping of Alaskan.

Overall, I give it three stars but I would suggest getting there early if you have to drive back to the 4X4 section. Also, they just opened up a location in Ocracoke last year, I think. That may be a hell of a lot nicer place to visit but you have to go by boat and once again, plan accordingly.

Captain George’s, Kill Devil Hills, NC
If you’re heading East on 158… which feels like South, and you’ve just passed the Wright Brothers’ Memorial, it’s on the left. I highly, HIGHLY, recommend going there. For the same price as Jimmy’s you don’t get the ten types of crab legs, but you get awesome food, service, and a bit of ritz. The OBX location is brandy new and if you are familiar with the Virginia Beach location, it’s a bit of a departure. I’ve been the one in Virginia a few times and I liked it. It looks like an old sailing ship, akin to Pirates of the Caribbean, on the inside. The new one in the OBX might as well be called Captain Trump’s because the inside is pretty classy looking. The servers and bus staff wear those floor length apron things and they keep clearing your table as you eat. Believe me, they are on top of things. The food was excellent. I had four sets of crab legs, all Alaskan, hush puppies that were pretty good, and the best G’Dam corn bread I’ve ever eaten. It’s in muffin form for easier picking and believe me, you’ll want more than one. They also had the one thing I love, that was missing from Jimmy’s, Seafood Norfolk. That’s pretty much a hodgepodge of crab bits, shrimp and scallops drowned in butter. I had two helpings of that. The deserts were excellent and I cannot complain about driving a half hour from Corolla to get there. We went at the same time as we did for Jimmy’s and walked right in and sat down.

Kill Devil's Frozen Custard, Kill Devil Hills, NC
And if you are already in Kill Devil Hills, try some of the best frozen custard around as well as hot dogs, fries.  The last time I stayed in Corolla, which was 2005, I happened upon this place with my wife while looking for some frozen custard.  It is truly awesome.  I take frozen custard very seriously.

Uncle Eddie's Frozen Custard, Buxton, NC
If you happen to be on Pea Island and near the Cape Hatteras Light, run up to Buxton and get some Uncle Eddie's.   We bought it in quarts last year and on our last night there, we had to finish it up.  It was a nice little moment between myself and my late mother-in-law.  It still gets me thinking about having that conversation about her first trip to the beach.

Route 12 Steak and Seafood Company, Corolla, NC
We wanted to stick close to home our last night and we knew that driving to Duck would take an extra 15 minutes so we tried something different. Right in Corolla, at the TimBuck II shopping plaza is this little joint. It’s pretty small inside but that wasn’t a problem. They have a limited menu and it’s all pretty fancy and high priced. I will recommend the pasta marinara as my wife and daughter both liked it. I had the Seafood Fra Diavolo. That’s noodles with lobster, shrimp, and scallops mixed in with a spicy tomato based sauce. It was excellent. The scallops were about half the size of hockey pucks and tender as all get out. There was no rubbery texture at all.

Fishbone’s Sunset Grille and Raw Bar, Duck, NC
We tried this place out in 2005 and liked it. The menu is a bit on the spicy side but you have the opportunity to eat out on the deck of the sound and watch the sunset. I honestly cannot remember what I ate but it was pretty good and I would eat there again. It was a backup plan for our last night but we didn’t want to have to drive the extra fifteen minutes into Duck to go there and wait. And you will wait for a bit.

Other than that, we didn’t do much else. I climbed the top of the Currituck Light and after climbing Hatteras Light I can say this one seemed harder to do. The view is pretty cool. You can see the sound and the ocean and it’s a bit of a disappointment to see how built up the area is getting in Corolla. Soon, it will be just as crowded as Nags Head. Staying in Corolla has the potential to appear pretentious but honestly, it’s a hell of a lot quieter and relaxing than Avon was. The only drawback is the one way in and out on Route 12. There are talks of putting in a short cut which would consist of a bridge to Corolla from the mainland. I’d like it but I’d hate to see that drive more people into the area. There’s already concern of overdeveloping the 4X4 area which is the last place to see the Wild Mustangs of the Outer Banks. They have a huge fence up at the end of Route 12 to keep them north and it would be sad to see them driven even further from their natural habitat. The other piece of advice I’ll give about staying up in Corolla. Leave early. It took us nearly two hours to get to the Border Station in Moyock. A majority of the rentals end on Saturday so expect there to be a lot of traffic on 12 and 158. In fact we were stop and go almost all the way on 64 until we reached the tunnel.

All the issues aside, I’ll be back next year and with more tales of Mongo in the wild. Have a great summer.

Places You Won't Find With OnStar

Travelling on vacation gives you plenty of sites to behold. Famous places dot the landscape of the country and gift shops work hard to make you take pieces of them home. Whether it be a shirt or key chain, there are plenty of reminders of your last trip to the Outer Banks or the Biggest Ball of Yarn in the U.S.

On my journeys, I have seen lots of those little oval stickers for various locations. Most are modeled after Imitation International Codes for places like the Outer Banks (OBX) or Martha’s Vineyard (MV) and a lot of times it’s not a sign of where you’ve been but a choice on where you’d like to be going.

With that in mind, I decided to throw up a few places you’ll never find on the map, and a couple you may.

Get a BFE Sticker
at Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash! The Store!

Pretty self explanatory. It’s for Bum F*#k Egypt. That mythical place you always seemed to be parked at. We’ve all been there. Now we can boast about it.

Get an EJ Sticker
at Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash! The Store!

Secondary to BFE is a location called East Jabib. In accordance, two people driving separate vehicles can never be parked in the same location.
“Where are you parked?”
“BFE.”
“Oh, I’m in East Jabib.”

Get an HHA Sticker
at Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash! The Store!

Hell’s Half Acre is more of a geographical region than an actual location BFE and EJ could technically be located in HHA. In other words…
“Where have you been?”
“I’ve been all over Hell’s Half Acre looking for a parking spot.”
“Where did you end up?”
“BFE.”

Get a Cliffs of Insanity Sticker
at Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash! The Store!

The Cliffs of Insanity are pretty treacherous. I don’t think you can get there by vehicle. In fact the only two ways known are to climb a rope or be harnessed to a giant, climbing a rope. This is part of my Princess Bride inspired series.

Get a Fire Swamp Sticker
at Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash! The Store!

Once again, another Princess Bride inspired sticker based on the Fire Swamp. Another treacherous location boasting three terrors. In fact, there are warnings posted as well.

Get Fire Swamp Warnings on a shirt
at Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash! The Store!

Get a Pechin's Sticker
at Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash! The Store!

Here is your one real location in the bunch. It’s an homage to a local shopping village in Southwestern Pennsylvania which is well known across the country in certain circles. Pechin’s has been around forever and for awhile, it looked it. Missing areas of floor, fabled rats in the burgers, all the creature comforts of a economically depressed South of Pittsburgh. The shanty town style village recently relocated into an empty mall nearby before the village burned to the ground. Hmmm.

That’s all for now from Rand McMongo.

There and Back Again, A Mongo's Tale

Part Three: Nights in South Rodanthe

Well, if you haven’t already realized, these posts from the beach are all retroactive in nature. Meaning, I went, took notes, I came home, and I’ve been posting from them over the course of the last week. It will become really apparent in this last bit from the trip home as I talk about a particular game being played in the Stanley Cup finals and we already know how it turned out. Yeah! I have to say that coming home I wasn’t so sure. It was a rough Game Five and it could have been a detriment to the spirit of that team and their little “Flower” of a goalie. Instead, it was just enough fuel to carry them and the cup home. Enough about that… let’s take it home.

Day 7 Saturday June 5
Morning came quick after only getting a few hours of sleep. While we packed most of the car last night, there is still more to be stowed before we leave. I want to let the little one sleep as long as possible before having to wake her. We aren’t going to get a great breakfast because we had to wash everything and pack up all the kitchen items we brought. Still, I know what will happen. She’ll get up. She’ll come upstairs and she’ll grab that high chair and bring it towards the center of the room.

I made several passes around the house, making sure I got everything. Checked all the drawers, looked through every couch and under every bed for toys and other assorted items. I made sure everything was the we left it or better. I took some final pictures and helped load the van. Afterwards, I went back into this house that sheltered us and comforted us this last week and said in my mind, “Thank you for a great trip.” Leaving, I took one last look around and headed back to the van.

We stopped into the rental office to turn in the keys and I gave the lady at the desk the rundown of what had happened. She went and got the manager and he pulled me aside. Smart thing for him to do. The last thing you want to do is have a disgruntled customer standing among other potential customers, spouting about his bad luck. We went back to his office and we spoke about the pool situation. I laid it all out, the missing breaker, our discovery, the pool guy, and I did not expect anything in return. After all, it was our word against his (pool guy). We shook hands and I left.

I was ready to go. I wanted to get moving as quickly as possible. As much as I had a good time this vacation, there’s something to be said for going home. I also knew if I wanted to catch Game Five I had better make it to the other side of the Allegheny Mountains before too late. That was the outer marker for picking up Pittsburgh radio stations.

It was a little bittersweet driving up Rte 12. We again passed by Bodie Light, Jockey’s Ridge, and the Wright Brothers memorial. We stopped again for breakfast at the Western Sizzlin. I must admit I was satisfied with the food there. It was good for a good price. If you ever go to Kill Devil Hills, check it out. Then go a little ways south on Rte 12 to a place called Kill Devil’s Frozen Custard. They have Excellent fries and frozen custard.

Moyock, NC Rte 168
Back on the road, it was just after 1:00 PM. We stopped back at the rest stop on the other side of the sound and made a break for it. From here on out, I wanted to make some good time back to PA. We had to stop one more time at a place called The Border Station in Moyock, NC. It’s a huge gas station / store that sells fireworks. They aren’t like the places along the side of the highway, sometimes going by the name of Woody’s with a picture of a hissing black cat on the sign. This was a bigger outfit and they didn’t sell any of the good stuff. Usually, I like getting some “stuff” before I come home but this was all legal and puny.

Back through the tunnel under the bridge and onto I-95
We seemed to be making good time. I also began to really hate that purple dinosaur. We had the DVD going on a loop behind me for the little one thinking maybe she would fall asleep. No such luck. She was chugging along with the rest of us. We hit the beltway and were heading into Northern VA before sunset. We stopped at a Bob Evans after a few failed attempts at finding another place to eat. From here it wouldn’t be long until we were in PA.

Breezewood, PA Rte 70/76
This is the last leg. Out last fill up was in Moyock, NC. I topped off the tank in order to return the van with the same amount of gas as I had when I picked it up. I also turned over the keys to the wife. I was getting real punchy and needed a break after driving until here. We jumped on the turnpike and headed home. I kept a check on the radio to see if we could hear the game yet. I knew that usually we wouldn’t start getting in Pittsburgh stations until after we went through the tunnel but I was ever hopeful. Game Four was awesome and the Pens really showed Detroit why were in the finals against them for another year. This time last year, we were in a similar situation and I hoped that the tide would have turned with those two wins in Game Three and Four. Now we were back in Detroit. Unfortunately, we have to win this and Game Six to hoist the cup on home ice in Pittsburgh.

Once through the tunnels, I began to get very scratchy reception in on 105.9 WXDX. All I could make out was Mike Lange saying something about it being 5-0. As we wound through the mountains on the turnpike, reception faded in and out. Play continued and more and more pieces of the puzzle came into place. We were losing and it was almost the end of the game. This was indeed the low point of the trip. Not only did Detroit go up 3-2 in the series, there was the distinct possibility that they would be skating around our home ice with the Stanley Cup. As gracious of hosts as we are, I think the thought of Marion Hossa skating around our ice, his former ice, holding that cup high above his head would be enough to start a riot in the arena.

Home
Somewhere around Johnstown, the little one finally dozed off to sleep. We drove the rest of the way in silence and landed back at my In Laws’ house just before midnight. We dropped them off and ended up waking the baby. She pretty much cried until we got home. I don’t blame her. She went 12 hours without a nap and once she fell asleep we woke her up five minutes before we pulled into the driveway. I’d be pissed, too.

We unloaded the van and fell into the house out of exhaustion. We pretty much just did what we needed to go to sleep. The cats were happy to see us and we were happy to see them. We bathed the baby and put her down around 2:00 AM. We both sat in our living room, exhausted by too awake to sleep. After a shower, we were in bed and both sat there still awake. I was waiting for the last of the caffeine to escape my system and finally drifted off to sleep. Since we fed the cats late, I was able to sleep until 8:00 AM before having to get up. As I finish up these notes I noticed we missed a phone call at 10:14 AM Saturday. It was the realty company. The manager called the house five minutes after I left. He said he totally understands and believes us. He’s had problems with this outside company before and is going to reimburse us for all but two days of pool heat. Sometimes, it pays to make noise even when the odds are against you. Hopefully, the fans will make some noise in Pittsburgh during Game Six and then ultimately Game Seven. We’re not out yet. I only hope Fleury isn’t too rattled after that loss. It would be nice to have the Lombardi Trophy and Stanley Cup in Pittsburgh for the year…but I guess a World Series win might be a tall order. Maybe…



As you can see, I wrote this with no knowledge of the impending win in Pittsburgh and win in Detroit. What a Game Seven that was. Holy Crap, Fleury shook off the bad vibes of Game Five and stepped it up. Go Pens!

Vacation Is a 40 Hour a Week Job

Who knew? Here all this time I thought I was going on vacation to relax and get away from it all. Instead, I brought it all with me. Actually, it wasn’t too bad. There were a few bumps along the way, figurative and literally. Overall, it was a good vacation. My wife is usually a barometer of stress. The fact that she did not miss home and did not want to leave was a good indication that the vacation was a resounding success. Here are the notes I made while at the beach during the week.

End of Day 1 Saturday May 30
I’m finally ready to settle in for a much needed night’s sleep. We had wanted to take a evening swim but decided that it was getting late. I had called a couple of weeks ago to request that the pool be heated. Being the beginning of June, the air was still cool even though the forecast put the temps into the 80’s. With my In Laws and my daughter, I finally agreed to wife’s demands for the pool to be heated to the tune of $275. Hopefully, by tomorrow, the pool will be like bathwater. However, right now, I am starving.

The beer run took a lot longer than expected so, when everyone finally made it back to our house, we decided to just order pizza and watch Game One of the Stanley Cup Finals. If the Penguins wouldn’t have been in the running, I wouldn’t have bothered. We actually thought that we would be watching Game Seven of the Conference Playoffs between Pittsburgh and the Carolina Hurricanes but the Penguins finished off Carolina and had gone back to Detroit in a rematch of last year’s Cup Finals. With Marion Hossa making his comments about wanting to play on a team that could win the cup, I hope Crosby, Malkin, Fleury, and the rest of the crew make him eat his words.

Unfortunately, the delicious pizza was chased with a bitter pill by a loss to Detroit. The Red Wings are a good team and I hope tomorrow proves better for our Black and Gold squad. For now, I am winding down. I’ve checked emails, did a little farming and checked on my CaféPress store for any sales trying to exhaust what little caffeine I still have in my system so I can sleep. Tomorrow is a big day. This will be the first time, my daughter sees the beach. It will either be a sight to behold, or a disaster.

Day 2 Sunday May 31
I was woken up to the sound of crackling bacon. What a wonderful sound and smell for that matter. After finally falling asleep around 1 AM, I was out of bed by 9:30 AM. For some reason the beach sets my internal clock to wake me up around the same time every day. I remembered this from our last trip to the Outer Banks in 2005.

After breakfast we gathered up all our beach belongings and loaded them into the car. We rented an umbrella and two beach chairs from Ocean Atlantic Rentals which serves the Outer Banks for a lot of items. For $105 we got the chairs, umbrella, and our crib for the whole week. That’s not too bad and they deliver the items to your rental property and pick them up as well. Along with the chairs and umbrella, we had to load a cooler, all of our daughter’s beach toys, diaper bag, blanket, and towels.

We didn’t have direct beach access without walking through people’s yards. That’s why I loaded up the van. A few yards from our cul-de-sac was a public access path. We parked the van and unloaded. It was about 100 yards along a wooden planked walkway and then up a set of steps. I carried the chairs and cooler. My wife carried the backpack and towels. My Mother-in-Law walked with the little one and my Father-in-Law carried the umbrella. I believed that the shore was right on the other side of the steps.

We topped the steps and were in for a surprise. There was another dune and no walkway, just a sand path up to and over the dune. I could feel it in my gut. This was going to be hard. My F-I-L has an artificial hip and is 70 years old. My M-I-L is recovering from blood clots in her lungs and is 66. The sand is hard to walk on in good physical condition. It’s also hot. Add their physical stature, age, and relevant speed and we’re looking at a bad combination.

Once over the dune, there was another 50 yards to a suitable spot to place our stuff. I had not been to this particular area but there was an unusual amount of shells all over the sand. I’m talking ones as big as your hand and crushed ones everywhere. It didn’t even look like there was sand going into the ocean.

Little One enjoying the water. See the shells in the background.

We dropped our stuff off and I made an initial attempt at going into the water. It was freezing. The shells just didn’t end at the beach, they went on into the water up to my waist. I doubt anyone would want to get in with this kind of pain inducing surface underneath their feet.

The little one enjoyed the water and got knocked over a few times. I held onto her hand tightly and kept her upright. Everyone else stuck close to the umbrella and eventually we called it a day in favor of the pool. It was cold, too, but it didn’t hurt your feet when walking on the bottom. Still haven’t found the heater yet.

Dinner was at Dirty Dick’s Crab House in Avon. Now, I cannot be sure but I think that the new housing development between Dirty Dick’s and the road where my Sister-in-Law is staying used to be the site of the Castaway’s Inn. This was the site of the Apocalyptic Pool Hall At the End of the Outer Banks. We had been looking for it since we arrived as a sort of moment of silence and validation of sorts about our claims that we made about the place to our friends and family. If this isn’t it, it has to be close by because the Food Lion and Chinese Take Out place just up the road coordinate with our location and these are places I remember being close to when we came down in 2002. Also, the Subway shop near Dirty Dick’s is another location I remember because we looked for an open eatery for almost an hour that night back then.

The evening dealt another blow to my spirits as Pittsburgh lost to the Red Wings, again, in Game Two. Hopefully a day off and change in venue back to Pittsburgh will help.

Day 3 Monday June 1
Today, my wife and I have to drive with her sister and fiancé up to Manteo Courthouse to get their marriage license filled out. Wednesday is the wedding and the weather looks to hold out for a few more days.

It was a break from a new wrinkle we noticed at the house. The air conditioning on the top floor does not seem to be working properly. It was up to 73 degrees when we left. There are two units on the house. One regulates the temperature for the first and second floor and the other for the top floor. Both thermostats are set to 72 degrees. I called about the unit and they were going to send a tech out while we were gone. I wanted to put a sense of urgency on it since we used the stove in the mornings which heats up the room more.

With the license in order, we returned to a sweat box. I was actually looking forward to the cold pool for relief. The temp was up to 80 degrees and the report from my In Laws was that there was a break in the line between the copper and aluminum piping. It had actually frozen over from the escaping gas. The realty company expressed their sympathies and were planning to bring out some window units to help with the heat. They never showed up. Something is apparently up here because I just now noticed the sign at the front of the driveway that said For Sale. It was there when we pulled in on Saturday but I paid it no mind.

For dinner we went to a little restaurant up the road called The Dolphin Den. It was pretty good. They have great hush puppies and corn bread. Of course, I was in full CaféPress gear to promote the store wherever I go and our waiter laughed at my Moods of the Living Dead t-shirt. His brother is a soldier over in Iraq and is a big fan of zombie pop culture. I gave him the website address and wished his brother luck overseas. Perhaps I’ll see a sale come from Iraq in my reports soon. That would be cool.

Day 4 Tuesday June 2
The heat is becoming a little unbearable. It’s up to 82 degrees on the third floor. We refrained from cooking breakfast and opted for donuts. A call into the realty company reveals that they had to get approval from the owners of the house to replace the faulty unit. By 11 am they were at the house and working. Soon the temp began to fall and we were down under 80 degrees by 1pm. We decided to keep cool at the pool and discussed options for going back to the beach. Do we look for a handicap accessible location down the road or do we head over to my S-I-L’s house and use their access.

It’s also my S-I-L birthday and we decided to have a cookout to go along with our swimming party. I manned the grill with her fiancé and we discussed cooking deer meat and he noticed the heat pump for the pool. That had to be it. Besides the fact that it a fan on it like a heater, it said Pool Heat Pump on the side. The lights appeared to be on but it didn’t look to be running. Perhaps it was at the proper temperature and there was a lock out mode to keep people from messing with it. There was a definite display for temperature but no numbers appeared in the window. I might do some searching on the Internet to find out if that’s the case.

Regardless, I wasn’t going to fool with it now as the Penguins were about to play Detroit at Mellon Arena in Game 3.

Day 4 Wednesday June 3
The big wedding day has arrived. We had a little more spring in our step as the Penguins finally beat the Red Wings last night. We all went to bed exhausted from the drama and tension of the game. We had to meet the preacher at 10:30 AM in Nags Head so we needed to leave by 9:30 AM. It wasn’t fun getting the little one up as she usually sleeps a lot longer and tends to be cranky otherwise.

We met up with the preacher and headed to the beach for the wedding. He suggested not doing it down on the sand. It was close to 11:00 AM and the sun was beating down on us. It was also a little crowded and wouldn’t be very romantic as you say the vows while a wayward beach ball rolls by you. The ceremony was quick and sweet, although my wife missed the whole thing. The little one became a bit unruly and with me working the camera she had to regulate. She wandered down the board walk with our daughter while my S-I-L and her fiancé exchanged their vows, both crying during the ceremony.

On the way back we stopped at Western Sizzlin for lunch. How’s that for a reception? We also stopped at Bodie Island Light. Unfortunately, you couldn’t climb the Lighthouse but I got some decent pictures.

Bodie Island Lighthouse

Stairs Inside Bodie Light

We returned to the house and I was determined to figure this pool thing out. My new B-I-L made a startling discovery. Next to the pump on the base of the house was a black box. It appeared to be the breaker box. There was another on the wall next to the hot tub and also inside the pump house. The only difference with this box was that it was missing a breaker. My B-I-L figured it out. The pool hadn’t been heated since we’ve been here. It was never on and we were paying for heat. I walked over to the hot tub and grabbed its breaker and placed it inside the box for the heat pump. Lights started blinking and everything began to work on the once dormant heat pump. I was distraught, angry, and bedazzled. Did the rental company know this? Was this a scam? Was it an honest mistake? What does this button do?

After playing around for a few seconds, I was able to kick the heater on and raised the temperature to 82 degrees. It was currently 79 degrees in the pool and that was after being in the sun all day. We checked the jets and they were spouting warm water. I couldn’t believe it. By now, business hours were over but I am going to send an email first thing tomorrow about this.

My wife and I took a trip down to her sister’s beach area with her niece to check out the landscape. It was dark but the moon was near full giving us plenty of light to see. Again, there were two dunes to climb but at least here there was a boardwalk providing access.

The sand was cool and soft underneath my feet. We managed to find a working flashlight and I kept an eye out for ghost crabs. We had seen a couple peeking out of holes in the sand the last day we came down to the beach but at night, they are nearly invisible without extra light. A few times I noticed something moving across the sand and I knew what it was.

Get Ghost Crab Hunters on a shirt
from Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash! the store.

We came down to the water and I just stood there with the water rushing over my feet. It was cold but it was the kind of cold you don’t mind. I looked up at the cloudless sky taking in all the stars. My breathing matched the rise and fall of tide. The wind blew along the shore and I simply existed, connected to everything on the Earth.

It’s those moments that give you perspective in your life. The right ingredients come together and bring you a little closer to the source of life on the planet. You don’t feel alone because you can imagine your feet in the water being connected through a string of water molecules across the ocean to another country where someone else is standing in the ocean as well.

We made our way back to the house and contemplated going to bed. After putting the little one down, we decided to enjoy a midnight swim in our now heated pool. Before we went in, I put the breaker back in the hot tub as to not disrupt the pH of the hot tub water. I don’t know if that does anything but I didn’t want to break something else.

Day 5 Thursday June 4
What a wonderful day… he said with sarcasm…
I emailed the rental company and told them what we found. I didn’t want to play my entire hand so I said, “Something was wrong with the heater.” They sent out a tech. I was worried that the temperature would give something away but the fact that the breaker was missing put us on the side of right.

I hurried down to the pool and the guy was already pulling into the driveway. I crept around the side of the house in time to see him put a breaker into the box. The heat pump sprang into life. I sprang into action. He immediately greeted me and began talking about the fact that it was working fine. I said, “Oh. That’s good considering there was no breaker in there.” He said it was all working fine and that he bumped the temp up a couple of degrees and then quickly left. I was furious. He outright lied to me.

By the time I made it into the house, I already had an email from the rental place. He told them everything was fine. I explained how I knew that was wrong and she informed me that there was no way the pool could have kept the temperature it had unless it was running all night. My wife quickly called and was pretty much called a liar over the phone. She explained everything that we did and spoke to the manager since she was not getting any satisfaction. I then got on the phone and explained to the manager our position. The plot surrounding the house thickened. Apparently, the group used to maintain and service the pools are an independent entity hired by the owner of the house. Our house was in the process of being sold. That’s why it took so long to get back to us on the A/C before. Now we were being told that the tech coming out to the house would be a charge to the owner for a service call. I said, well I’d be more worried about what they’re paying them upfront because they don’t even maintain the pools. In the end he said he would get back to me. I pretty much conceded that I would be paying $275 for two full days of heated pool and resigned myself to just enjoy it while I had it. Worse yet, it rained part of the day.

We did take time and go back to the beach down by my S-I-L’s. This was the same spot as our night trip and it was a lot easier to get to but the loose sand made it difficult to go down to the water. My F-I-L decided to stay behind and keep cool but my M-I-L braved nature.

The sand in and out of the water was much better. No shells in sight. My wife talked to a couple down by our place before and they said that they had been coming here for years and never saw that type of beach condition. We thought maybe the storm that was off the coast last week brought all that inland.

The little one enjoyed playing in the sand and the water. She’s quite a smart cookie. She’s almost two and has three more words in her vocabulary thanks to this trip. Beach, Swimming, and Lighthouse.

That night I decided to crank the heat in the pool up in protest and we enjoyed another late night swim in 85 degree water.

The biggest highlight of the day was seeing Pittsburgh beat Detroit in Game 4. They head back to Detroit on Saturday. We probably won’t catch the game on the radio until after we emerge from the Allegheny tunnel on the turnpike. By then, the game will be pretty much over.

Day 6 Friday June 4
This is our last day at the OBX. We have a pretty full day. We had been dying to get some frozen custard, so we took a drive down towards the end of Hatteras last night. As you drive down Rte 12 towards Buxton, the Hatteras Light zips by on its trip around the island. It’s a very eerie sight as if some unknown stranger is sitting out in the darkness shining a light around. I immediately conjured up visions of Sauron’s Eye searching Mordor for the One Ring, except in a circle. Since we knew it wasn’t that far to the lighthouse we decided to use our last day to catch a trip up the steps and then down to the end of the island to visit the Graveyard of the Atlantic Museum. The fateful trip in 2002 sparked my wife’s curiosity as signs for the yet to be built museum were seen along the highway as we drove home. Now she could actually go to it as it was open.

Cape Hatteras Lighthouse

The winds were clocked at 35-40 mph so the balcony was closed on the Hatteras Light. I still wanted to climb that sucker. My wife and I bought the tickets and made our way up to the top. 248 steps separated us from the base to the lamp. There were eight landings between the ground and the balcony. The windows were open so we took advantage of the breeze. Every landing opened on an opposite side of the tower and we could see our party standing there looking up at the lighthouse as if they were waiting to see us emerge from the top. Unfortunately, the balcony opened on the ocean side and we were still quite a ways from the top.

Once we reached the top of the lighthouse we were allowed to step out onto the balcony in front of the door. We were not allowed to circle around the back as the winds were too high. Wussies. In any case, I got to say I climbed the Cape Hatteras Light. When we were here in 05 we didn’t venture down to the light because we were in Corolla which would have been an hour and a half trip to the park. In 03, you weren’t allowed to climb the light. It was only four years after they moved the lighthouse down the beach and there were some structural issues that closed the tower.

We left the lighthouse and headed down to the museum. It’s just beyond the ferry over to Ocracoke island and of course, we had to travel the only road there during the time when school busses were taking kids home. The museum kind of looks like a wrecked ship hull and that’s about it. There was really nothing to it and served as pretty much a glorified gift shop. I guess in years to come they will have more exhibits but with a history as rich as the Outer Banks has with shipwrecks they could have put together a lot more by now.

Our trip back clocked in at just under 25 minutes so we planned on taking the ferry over to Ocracoke Island for our last supper. I was dying to have some crab legs and there was a seafood buffet over there that was calling my name. Unfortunately, we didn’t get started until after 7 PM. We missed the 7:30 PM ferry and would have to take the next one. The ride over to Ocracoke would take approximately 45 minutes and that would have us to close to closing time for Jimmy’s Buffet. We went to Howard’s Pub instead.

Howard’s Pub was kind of like a bayou cabin, in a good way. It was pretty big and pretty open. The windows all had screens in them and the walls, beams, and ceilings were littered with license plates, school pennants, and other sporting paraphernalia.

A pound of crab legs for $19.99? I had to do it. They were excellent. Now, I’ve been eating crab legs for twenty years now and while I don’t know much I know a good crab leg. You can tell the age and health of the crab by looking at the shell. If they have a lot of spots on them, like barnacles on a ship, you know the meat won’t be as sweet. Another tell tale sign, for me anyway, is the color. If they are deep red, it tells me they’re good. Pink and light red make me think they are older and not as good. Finally, the ability to crack open a leg and pull the entire meat out in one lump, without breaking, is a great sign. Swishing that around in drawn butter and downing it is pure decadence.

After dinner we had to get moving. It was already 10:00 PM and even though the ferry ran for another hour and a half, we had a lot to do tonight before bedtime. We headed down Rte 12 and saw a bunch of flashing lights ahead of us. Immediately, I thought someone got stuck in the sand as we had seen three police cruisers respond to such a call earlier in the week. Unfortunately, we began to realize what this was, a DUI Checkpoint.

It was quite smart really. There is only one road to go back to Hatteras Island on and that is at the other end of Ocracoke. Cops sitting just down the road on Rte 12 can catch a lot of people leaving the bars. Hatteras Island only allows the sale of beer and wine at bars. Everyone uses the free of charge ferry to go to Ocracoke for well drinks and other assorted spirits. While I had been drinking only soda, my B-I-L had two beers. I was asked for my license and he was asked to step out of the car. We had visions of him being hauled away and one of us being forced to drive their car back. His wife was also drinking and her daughter was only 12. I couldn’t drive a stick, my wife couldn’t drive a stick, my F-I-L had been drinking, and that meant that my M-I-L would have to be pulled out of the back of the van to drive the Elantra back to Avon.

Get Ocracoke Island DUI Task Force on a shirt
at Mongo Angry! Mongo Smash! the store.

Fortunately, he passed and we were allowed to leave. We missed the ferry and had to wait ten minutes for the next one. Directly in front of us in line was a truck with three gents and a cooler sitting on the tailgate, drinking. They asked us if we came through the checkpoint. I said “Yeah.” One guy yelled out, “We won a ticket!” Now, I’m not sure if they got cited for drinking and driving, open container or the fact that there were three drunk guys hanging off the tailgate but they were pretty loaded, regardless. We pulled in right behind them on the ferry and you could just feel them staring into the car at you. The one who looked like Kenny Rogers waved and winked at us. “Lock the doors!” My wife called out. I took another look and saw something familiar. They were wearing Pittsburgh sports gear. One had a Pens shirt on and the other had a Super Bowl XLIII shirt on. Now, it was entirely conceivable that they were fans from another city, however I had to find out for sure. I left the car and approached. I asked if they were from PA and they gave the obligatory answer anyone gives when they are from PA, “Pittsburgh.” Knowing that only a native Pennsylvanian would know that they were not in fact from Pittsburgh proper asked, “And…” That cued them to say, “Butler!” I said “Irwin!” which is what someone from my town would say because no one would know the place I live. We all cheered and they raised their beers high.

The ferry ride back was much quicker. The waves weren’t as choppy and we navigated back with ease. The moonlight caused the end of Hatteras Island to show up as a silhouette against the horizon. I wondered how long it would take for someone to swim to shore if they fell off the boat. As a parent, you start to look at every environment as an enemy and being at the beach for the first time with our daughter made me question every rock and leaf. We didn’t let go of her hands as we walked along the deck towards the sides. Still, I had that thought in my head of what would I do if I or her fell overboard.

You ever get that strong feeling of impulsiveness to do something horrible and completely out of character? It’s almost like a kind of Tourette’s for your brain. It’s the kind that makes you feel compelled to just want to swerve the car off the road and over a cliff. I don’t have any latent suicidal tendencies but I had this very strong urge to just run and dive off the back of the ship to see if I could survive. I could actually envision myself emptying my pockets, slipping off my shoes and socks and making like a salmon off the back of the ferry.

Once we reached Hatteras Island we watched as the Drunk Guys From Butler continued their drive with passengers sitting on the tailgate onto Rte 12. Thankfully, they turned a few streets up the road and we were free to get our asses back to Avon.

We bathed the baby, put her down, and started packing. We had to be out of the house by 10 AM and I wanted to get as much packing and loading done tonight. Around 1 AM, we finished with what we could load now. We kept a few bags out for showering and clothes. My M-I-L and I shared the last of the frozen custard we brought back from Uncle Eddy’s in Buxton. I asked her if she had a good time and she said she did. I asked her if she understood why people did all this work for a week’s worth of beach time and she said, “No.” I laughed and agreed with her. I don’t know why either. I guess it’s the inner Griswold in us all that needs to come out and wreak havoc once in awhile. I was glad she enjoyed herself and she indicated that she would do this again if the opportunity arose. I took that as a sign that she isn’t finished fighting cancer yet, which is good. I just wish cancer was finished fighting with her.

Tomorrow will be another marathon day for this Griswold family as we head for home. For now, I need to get some real sleep. Once last stop down to the pool to dip my feet in and I’m done. Oh, and I better reset the temperature since it was still 85 degrees in there. Oh yeah, the manager never called me back. I guess I will have to bring that up when I check out.